Sara Revealed

Last poems of 2011 to new poems new year of 2012.

2012-01-01T09:18:00.000-08:00

Learning disability.

World blind.

You say black.
I say white.
No one is wrong or right.
There's just a misunderstanding of one an other's minds.
That misunderstanding can cause sadness that can take away ones' choice.
Ones' choice of been left out of the rest of the world.
You can do what you want safely without answering to anyone.
You don't feel useless.
You don't feel like hard work to other people.
Despite of the world been blind to me, I'm learning something new everyday.
May be I need more help to learn but I'm not blind in everything.
I still learn the same but different to you. 31.12.2011

Misunderstanding.

Hello, are you there?
Am I speaking to a person?
Can you speak?
No reply, why?
This is never a human?
I can take a while to speak, it may take a while for me take in what you have just said.
Ok, you think I am rather strange.
You must be strange not to give me time to speak.
What are we on about, we have known one another all our lives?
We still can't communicate.
I know I'm your family member, we known one another since we were born.
We still don't know or understand one another. 31.12.2011

You have walked on me.

I am the path.
I am the sand.
I am the sea.
You walk on me or swim inside me.
I am your water to cool you down.
I'm in the middle, you are all round me.
Lying on me.
Standing on me.
You all make the world a bigger place than it seems to be.
You are all over crowding me.
I can't breath.
It's like I can't join or fit in.
You will make fun of me because I can't join in with you all. 31. 12 . 2011

I will be on my own.

I will be on my own.
My company isn't good enough for you.
I am hard work for you.
I need more help than other people.
When no one is there your wondering why I'm alone.
When people are there your wondering why they bother with me in case I am hard work for them.
With the limits of what I can do in my life it's as if I shouldn't have been born.
As if I shouldn't be on this earth.
As if life isn't worth living.
That's where your wrong when I have my creative talents.
What am I doing now?
I am putting my feelings in poetry and words. 31 . 12 . 2011

Someone, something behind me.

Someone, something behind me.
Your moving faster than me.
I'm trying to move as fast as I can to your speed.
Something, someone that seems nasty getting closer and closer to me.
Ok, sorry I am taking up your space.
I have no warnings or reasons why.
Here I am made to feel guilty of putting traps on your lives. 31.12.2011

Change.

Now it's a new year.
I guess changes need to be made.
Changes are big when they are new, even if they are right and happy when they happen.
The old for so long is hard to let go.
Nice to see the new, which can be sometimes hard to get use to.
Some things seem like the end of the world whether they are good or bad changes.
Other things seem like a good idea at the time but bad in the end.
Nothing is known unless it's tried.
Everything seems scarily but may be fun when change is happening.
Some changes don't seem as bad when they have changed.
Tomorrow is unknown.
Wait until tomorrow is here!
The more aware you are the more you think yet shock is too sudden for you.
Surprise is happy for you. 31. 12. 2011

Keeping safe.

Everyone is looking at me strangely.

The red man hasn't changed to the green man.
I'm still standing there in case I'm not quick enough to cross.
People look at me anyway they want.
Not everyone goes by the law.
Some people like taking very risky risks.
No one knows everyone.
Trust is a hard thing in people you don't know. 31 . 12 .2011

Anxiety.

Everything seems worse than what it might be.
Something on the mind until it's all over one way or the other.
Some things never are over.
It seems like forever, it all builds up inside like an animal trying to get out of a cage.
You can't sleep at night.
What seems easy for you to deal with isn't for me.
Yes I know that I am not alone, my thoughts are for others like me and worse off than me.
It may not be a worry in the end but the build up is just too much.
No matter how hard you try to control your Anxiety, it's just not easy.
Stress is a killer on it's own but even more of a killer for people who have stress within them without it.
People with disabilities and health problems find stress to cope with because our health problems and disabilities is a stress for us as it is.
Without writing and art, I would have got myself misunderstood even more, I may have done harm to myself or other people without meaning.
Anger is hard to control due Anxiety. 31. 12. 2011

I'm just me.

I'm not a clever person.
Words just come into my mind.
I just write about what I think about.
I'm just me, there's only one of me.
Like you are you, there only just one of you.
I'm a human being with a career and a life.
I'm nothing and no one special.
I cope alone but I also have the world watching over me. 31 . 12 .2011

Your so wrong.

You think I don't care about your feelings but I do.
I just find feelings hard to show.
The world has too many people and places are hard for me to cope with.
Coping with myself is hard enough.
I never meant to shut you off.
I don't appear what I show.
I appear to hate everyone but I love everyone.
We all need to learn to understand one another a bit more. 31 . 12 .2011

Fears.

People fear how other people are going to be towards them.
It's so easy say and do things that come out wrong.
It's so easy to be unaware of what we say and do.
People don't like the way we seem and sound.
Our words come wrong so unplanned to our thoughts.
People aren't our friends because we seem what we are not.
We always feel bad if or and when we have realised we have or may have upset someone.
Not everything is down to our disabilities we are also our own people just like you are but most our disabilities make us the people we don't want to be. 31. 12 .
2011

Lack of
Communication

Hard to speak ones' mind.
Society controls the mind.
Your month speaks quicker than your mind.
Your pen writes quicker than your mind.
Been unheard and misunderstood is wrong.
You haven't achieved what you were hoping to.
What you said wasn't understood.
Everyone makes fun of what you said and how it appears to them.
You know what you mean they don't. 31 .12 . 2011

Zombie

I'm like a Zombie.
I'm in a dream.
I'm in a world of my own.
I can see a world of people over crowding me.
I feel like a puppet on a string.
Everyone seems to be having a good time.
No worries, I will find my way of having a good time on my own.
I'm just in a dream world.
Where are the people I know?
Left, right or straight on, which way shall I turn?
There are far too many people I don't know.
Too much nose, too many people talking at once.
The world is buzzing around but your in the middle of crowded people as it is in a crowded place. 31 . 12 . 2011

No where to run no where to hide.

There's no where to run and there's no where to hide.
Someone or something is always out to get me.
They don't mean to hurt me, they just want to move faster than me.
It feels like pain even though it's not meant to be.
They are too unaware of my life and too involved in their own.
They move so fast that they are unaware that I'm around. 31 .12 . 2011

Mirror mind.

Mirror mind.
Mirror writing.
When I look in the mirror I see the world, words and letters upside down.
Times are hard money wise.
Most Dyslexia people if not all see everything upside down like the painter who painted Mona Lisa.

No jobs and no money.
Broad out of ones' mind.
Nothing to keep the mind busy.
That's why there's so much anger and crime.
Walking around town window shopping.
We can look but we can't touch.
Looking through shop windows is like looking at ourselves through mirrors.
If the government doesn't wake up to life, we will be all be mentally ill, we'll be all going out of our minds. 31 .12 . 2011

Happy New Year 2012.

20th century is my 21st century are my centuries.
Like all people, I'm not getting younger.
Time should stay forward but age should go backwards so we keep on getting younger.
Never mind many of us stay forever young.
One glass of Champaign is like a bottle of Champaign.
The hangover takes so long to go but New Year is unforgotten. 1. 1. 2012

Look at me!

Look at me!
What do you see?
Mirror writing, painting, drawing, short stories and poetry.
The future is hard to see.
We are looking through darkness all the time.
We can only think how thing will be if they carry on like this.
No money in the world.
Where's the next generation going to be?
It's bad enough now. 2 . 1 . 2012

Everyone is looking at me.

I can only guess what you are all think.
I seem but not look very different to you.
Most of may think I have gone mad.
Others may see me as their best friend.
Others just think I'm ok.
I don't mean to be the person I appear to be.
I mean to sound rude or not interested in what's going on around me.
What I do and say may be hard to understand for you even though I don't mean to be the person you see.
Sorry if I seem nuts, which may not seem very human to you.
I seem stub, dumb and thick to a lot of people but I'm not.
If you don't know me it's hard to understand me.
It can take a long time to get to know me.
Sometimes I can shy away in case I'm misunderstood as a human being.
I'm having to learn not to care what people think and say, which isn't always easy.
I even get things wrong too, I may misunderstand what you think about me.
I may not speak because I'm scared of saying and doing the wrong things to your mind, it won't mean that I mean to be rude towards you.
The world is too big for me and too many people, this is where I find it hard to communicate in anyway at all towards them.
My problem is finding it hard cope with too many things at once. 3 . 1 . 2012

Turned away.

Turned away from school, I felt like running away from school.
It was all a waste of time I wasn't learning a thing.
Turned away from college, no I learned in no time at all.
Turned away from work, yes I was too slow I couldn't do the jobs right.
Turned away from people, yes and no some where ok some weren't.
It was hard to know what was going through their minds because I seemed so different to them but not to look at.
My slowness made them think I wasn't right in the head when really I'm righter in the head then they would ever be.
I proof nothing to them I I proof to myself, I'm creative in putting my thoughts, feelings and etc down on paper. 3 . 1 . 2012

VALENTINE POEMS 2012.

It's hard to cope not to hope.
Most of the time what you love and want isn't good for you.
Hope can give you pain.
Chasing and wishing to have something or and someone you can't have is just dreams.
Just be yourself.
Just get to know yourself all over again.
Learn to like yourself.
Learn to love yourself.
Never give up on the on what you want or and who you love.
Never hope too much, let whatever or and whoever come to you.
Have your space.
Surprises may come if if you don't think and hope.
Discover the world around you.
Be faithful, loyal and true.
Even if your hard work has failed never give up on moving on.
Never work too hard to please someone!
Still be the same person as you are.
Never chase anything or anyone.
No matter how much you love and want, still never hope.
It's better to miss someone than lose someone or and something who and or want is spacial to you. 12.2.2012

So near so far.

Time is near yet so far.
Time together is so short.
Time apart is so long that it seems like forever.
No matter how long or short, I love you too much to give up.
Time apart may well be too long but I enjoy every moment I spent with you.
It doesn't matter how long or short it takes to see you again. 12.2.2012

Forever friends.

Forever friends with love.
Never hope for too much.
I'm here as long as you want me.
I will cope without seeing as long as I have to.
I will be faithful, loyal and true to you. 12.2.2012

Love teaches you as many things as life does.

The mistakes I have made having got far too close to you all those years.
The person I loved so much who I thought loved me so much.
Not been able to be without you yet I now wouldn't stand to see you.

In time I have learned to be myself again.
I don't give up on my life to please you any more.
I spend so many years living your life instead of my own.
Little did I realise how blind I was.
I know no one asks you to live someone's life but love can be so hard to control no matter how they treat you.
Now we have gone from love to like to hate.
I will try my best to not make the same mistake again. 12.2.2012

Time without you.

Even when the sun shines life still seems dull until I see you.
When you shine you shine brighter than the lights.
I just wait until you brighten up light to the night.
In the mean time my thoughts about you are inside my head non stop. 12.2.2010

Love is

Love is like a plant.
Love is like a flower.
Love is like a tree.
Love lasts as long as it's going to unless it's to be.
Never give up hope just because love before didn't last.
Never trust hope because nothing is promised.
Never fear love otherwise you will fear everything.
If you fear everything you will never have a life. 12.2.2012

Time.

Time seems like a life time without you.
However time is meant to be is to be for me.
I hope any amount of time is for you too.
When time comes we will enjoy our love even more.
When I think about you time can't come slow or quick enough.
When I am about to see you the night is very unknown.
My thoughts are mixed but I never give up because private time together is just a matter of any time.
My feelings don't change no matter what the situations are. 12.2.2012

Now I can see through you.

You may not of loved me as much as I loved you.
How blind was I to love you?
You may not have loved me at all.
You may have stringed me along all these years.
We were both very young.
I may have been too blind to realise that your love towards me was a lie.
You know I had friends who could see I was making the biggest mistake of my life.
These friends knew how much I really loved you.
This relationship may have been to please them and keep them quite not to please me.
My friends warned me so many times that you were the wrong man for me.
I was far too much in love with you and far too blind to see.
In the end you hurt me badly.
As years went on I learned to stopped loving you, I even tried to be your friend but then that friendship turned hate. 12.2.2012

So many things so unknown.

Not everything is certain.
There could be so many unknown things you have kept from me all these years.
Yet again I have been far too blind to see.
Rest your case, I may be wrong but I still could be blind.
The door may be closed on the two of us, which I am glad now it has took me so long to realise what a bad man you really are.
What could be bad is that you have kept so much to yourself that I should have had the rights to know about.
I may still don't know and may never know.
Private calls you made in front of my face, I heard every word but never said a word to you.
Texts you send and got back while you had your arm round me.
Only trying to love me when you where drunk.
Building my hopes up not meaning a word and saying sorry about the night before.
This relationship was based on a drunk lie.

I can't believe I was so mad to love someone whose love was based on lies.
I guess I won't be the first and I won't be the last to put myself in that trap.
Now I am out of that trap moving on with my life. 12.2.2012

Unknown

I look at you knowing how I feel about you and how you feel about me.
Not be able to say a word in front of anyone.
Only you and me know.
The end of the night is unknown to whether we spend private time together.
Now time isn't there, I miss you twice as much.
When time is there I enjoy however long or short it lasts. 12.2.2012

In between lovers and friends.

It may well be a strange friendship.
It may well be a strange relationship.
It gives us time to get to know ourselves as well as each other all over again.
Time apart seems like forever.
Time together seems like freedom but not long enough.
Time together is worth waiting for however long or short it takes. 12.2.2012

Building ones' confidence up

2011-11-12T05:03:00.000-08:00

On Thursday I went on course to help me build my confidence up because I haven't had any work come in for 6 mouths. It's surprising in such a length of time how you can get into a rut in your life if you spend a long time doing nothing. I have felt in just one day, which was Thursday I have learned such a lot of been myself again for example.

When it comes to talking to strangers it can depending on certain situations whether I am happy to talk to them or not. Depending who they are, what they are and where I have met them. Strangers in the street I mostly shy away from because right from little I was told not to talk to strangers. Strangers in my life, such as the Job centre that can be confusing even though they have been dealing with my case but it used to be strange and confusing I saw different people mainly when they were new to my case. Now I am a lot happier because I have a Disability Employment Adviser, which I see the same person who knows my case. When you have to communicate with professions you have no choice because they deal with your situations, unless things are really unhappy between you both them for eg; you change your doctor. Many years of seeing that profession and visiting their service you are not strangers any more.

I have learned it can be hard to judge people because there are so many different characters out there but I don't believe in judging anyway. The balance between not hating people but standing up for ones' self if things don't seem quite right can be hard.The great thing about having been a Self - Advocacy for four years I have learned how stand for myself and still been liked by people a lot better than I did before hand but I still feel I have a long to go.

When I used to turn up at meetings full of professions. I used to tend to think that I knew there was going to be a lack of communication and understanding, which there very often was. I knew as a Self - Advocacy worker I was going tell them a good home truths about learning disability and health problems. It was hard times to make my points about some situations. I have word things my best of my abilities without causing rows in the meetings. Most of these professions seemed like strangers even though I had many meetings with them.

I have tried to give a good impression towards people sometimes I gain respect other times I don't. Different people I guess see different impressions in different ways. It can be very hard hard to truly what people are feeling and thinking. Sometimes we can put ourselves under too much stress to please peoples' thoughts and feelings but we don't want to be selfish either but sometimes we have otherwise we'd never be happy ourselves. For eg; interviews, the way we dress, the way we speak and whether we have got what it takes to please the employment and know the knowledge for the job.We could get and be good enough for the job, be liked by our employer but there could be still something that doesn't please them but they may never say.

It can take me quite a while to get to know people. That balance between standing up for ones' self and not losing friends. Yes I do enjoy going out and meeting people. I need to learn to not worry too much about what people are feeling and thinking about me as a person. This has lost me friendships and relationships but also lack of communication and understanding due to having mild Autism. Some events can be less relaxing than others when it comes to meeting people. This can depend on myself, people and atmosphere.

If things stick to a route then I am motivated for anything but if something changes then I get stuck in a rut. This is where my life comes to a sudden stop I start to lack confidences in myself. Life can be fun when my self - estream is high.

Whether or not I have a positive attitude about and towards myself is depending on how my life is. The past six mouth has been or at least seemed very dark with very little work on. Thinking positive has seemed hard to think. At same time everyone is in the same boat these days. It can be hard to see positive with the present been negative at the moment.

Man with no legs and arms - Inspiring story

2011-11-12T04:30:00.000-08:00

You never know!

2011-10-09T05:02:00.000-07:00

Everything is unknown for everyone.
You could be right as rain one day.
The future seems very bright.
You feel on top of the world.
You can cope with everything and everyone.
You feel fitter, quicker and brighter than ever.
Over night something bad has happened you, this has affected the rest of your life.
Now you feel worse than ever because you are so unaware of the world around you.
To be sure you don't know what is and is not coming to you.
Suddenly everything and anything is out of you.
It's all gone for life.
You are a changed person.
You've gone from an very unsuccessful person to a most unsuccessful person.
You will be very lucky to be that successful person again, if you are it could take a lot of hard work to get your life back together again.
Make the best of what and who you are in case you may not see tomorrow.
Please try harder to understand people who have not got as much going as you have or they may have to work harder for longer to get there!
The truth of the matter is that you will never understand unless it happens to you.
Everyone has to go through good and bad in life as I write, some worse or and better than others.
Birth, nursery, school, college, friendships, friendships gives some happiness but also stresses in life.
People with disabilities and health problems get stress out, ill or and even die easy due to on top of the problems we have already.
There's support for some things for us but not for others.
Without the same right as other people we will be alone in the world even though we have one another.
We understand that it's hard for other people, we just have to work harder to get there than other people or we don't get there at all. 9.10.2011

Trying too hard.

Too easy to fear the worst in life which doesn't turn out as bad as we think or not bad at all.
The worst isn't always as bad as it seems.
At times the excepted can which could be good when you thought it was bad.
The future is unknown so don't plan, life is mapped out for you.
It's not helpful to worry about something that seems likes everything but then it's nothing at all.
Everyone is to blame at some point for worrying about something we should have done.
To move forward.
To believe in yourself then you can believe in others around you.
Don't lose trust in others because many others have broke your trust.
Like and love yourself then you can like and love others.
Something small seems really big.
The hole needs to be sewed up before it gets too big.
The mole needs to stop growing before it becomes a molehill.
The hardest part is to think positive when you have been thinking negative too long.
We can only think positive if we want.
In many cases in life there's no such word as can't, the words are won't and want. 26.10.2011

Fear.

When I know I am going see you, I fear I'm going to blow because I have blown it with the people I used to love.
Every time with you I have surprised myself that I haven't done and said the wrong things when I have been and not drunk.
When I am not with you I fear the worst of myself but then I learn to trust myself, which helps me a lot to trust you.
I love you far too much not to trust you.
I wouldn't lose in you because others before you broke my trust. 26.10.2011

Tomorrow is another day.

Never think good or bad about tomorrow.
You don't know what tomorrow is going to be like until it comes.
Even if the bad is here the good will come another day or bad may turn into good.
Good may happen as soon as tomorrow just wait and see.
Good will happen to those who wait.
Nothing can be good all the time.
Nothing can be bad all the time.
Change happens whether we like it not but some things happen for the worst others happen for the better.
Nothing can stay the same but some things do stay the same.
Life would be boring if everything stayed the same yet if everything changed.
It's not good to stay sad all the time, too much pain can damage you.
It's not good stay happy all the time, too much happiness can spoil you too much.
Pain can make you strong.
Too much happiness can make you weak but a lot happiness can make you stable.

Morning.

The day has just started.
The clouds are white.
The sky is grey.
I find hard to think good or bad thoughts, I just get on with my day.
Nevertheless I am ok until.
I come back from the Job Centre, I get a letter through my door from Income Support.
Saying I said I am working when I haven't said anything at all.
I am working hard not to let these Benefit people stress me out before I scream and shout.
The only you in my mind keeps me calm.
I'm willing to stay stable and calm despite the fact the problem needs to be looked at soon as possible. 27.1o.2011

Everyone is looking at me.

The bar is crowded.
I try to find a condor.
I try to find a space to wait for the crowd to calm down.
Everyone is looking at me knowing that I fear crowds.
I walk out the pub, where I go next is unknown.
I come back there are less people standing by the bar as I get myself a drink.
Now I take forever to find a seat, in the mean time people are starling at me knowing that I am stressed.
They are looking at me strange, then I turn my head away.
In time I smile, they wonder what I am smiling at.
I am thinking that I don't need a reason to make me smile.
Who cares what they think?
So what I am smiling for no reason, mad they might think.
There's no point being sad only because they might be. 27.10.2011

Change.

You cannot avoid change.
One bus has gone but another bus is come.
When is an unknown question.
One love has gone but another love is soon.
When is an unknown question.
Some people or and things are meant be the same but not everything and everybody.
When is any time?
Today
Tomorrow
The next day
Next week
Next year
Who knows?
Whatever or whoever you are waiting for something or someone may be right for you.
There's at least some things and some people stay put but not all.
Some things you need to work to get what's right for you but some of us never find it or who.
Don't try hard because that will never do, you will never get anywhere.
Try hard hard enough because you never get anywhere if you don't try at all.
Don't hope too much, you will never get anywhere.
Take everyday as it comes, if that isn't good enough nothing ever will be.
Never think you can get all what you want. 27.10.2011

You.

Whatever worries me you ease my mind all the time, whether I see you or not.
Having you on my mind keeps me going when life is tough.
I can accept every in life when I have you on my mind.
I ride my exercise bike even though I am not getting anywhere.
I think about you all the time whether I am down in myself or not, then I start to feel good.
I do everything I can to keep myself strong. 27.10.2011

no more tears to cry.

No more tears to cry but sadness is still here.
It was all so long ago.
Nothing was ever done because it was understood or believed.
Pain is unknown whether I like it not.
Even now no one understands or believes me.
I find it hard to talk about even now.
I may not be crying on the outside but I am crying on the inside.
I am smiling on the outside but feeling pain on the inside.
I used to find it hard to sleep in fear of seeing one of you, a few of you or even more.
Now none of you bother me at all.
You have all been here far too long to stay.
My mind is just wondering away thoughts.
I find that I am believing in myself at last.
When I have been through this pain so long nothing is new to me.
The thoughts have been inside my head far too long.
The grass is always greener on the other side. 20.11.2011

Just get on with it!

How I get through everyday, I don't know.
There must walk around as if nothing has happened.
No one knows what one another are thinking.
I don't shut myself away from the world because life is for living that's what your born for.
I just get on with life, I have never known anything else.
More than 30 years on since the first one, they have still got away with it just because me been just a child and having learning disabilities.
No good talking about it whatever I say nothing gets done.
The present is here yesterday has gone let's live for today.
Tomorrow is unknown.
Time to move on.
The pain has gone on far too long to hurt me any more.
I was far too young to tell anyone.
Far too young to know what was going on.
Too young to understand.
Too young to be understood.
Even now over 40, my words just can't speak. 20.11.2011

Face truth.

Friendship is best or nothing at all.
If we love again we'll hurt one all over again.
I don't know about you but I am too old to take any more.
We must face the truth, we can't fall out if we aren't lovers.
Remember you broke my heart, I had to go along with what you wanted.
Now it's my turn to walk away but I am never coming back only as a friend.
If you can't take that you'll never see me again.

If only I knew that one day my pain would come back on you, what you caused me.
At the time I felt as if I had no future and my whole world was broken.
I never thought my life would be better without you. How wrong was I to think I could never live without you, I felt so alone?

Now it's far too late for you, I am not going to let you hurt me any more.
I am not spending the rest of my life wondering whether or not your in or out of my life.

In fact I don't think you loved me at all, I believe you still don't, you only love me because you know I don't love you any more.
If I still loved you wouldn't have loved me.
I know we have both been there before.
I had to leave for that mouth because the stress was getting far too much.
Before long I stopped loving bad news for you and good news for me.
I never thought I would have ever stopped loving because I loved you for so long.

One day you will meet someone who you will love ten times more than you loved me.
She won't be able stand for what I stood for.
If you walk all over her she'd be out your life like a flash for good then you will really will know what pain is.

To think I was scared of losing you for good after you hurt me so bad.
Now I realise that I am better off without you or we are better off been just been friends.

I understand that this year has been taught for you with everything happening all at once but sadly everyone goes through death at some time, you aren't alone.
Moving on is hard I know, you need to make a life for yourself or end up a lonely old man.

You soon moved on when you left me and went out with someone else, didn't you?
I was the one who found it hard to move on but not any more.
I am having a happier life without you if not better. 21.11.2011

Believe your there somewhere.

I believe whoever you are, you are out there somewhere.
You may not be there yet.
I have had too many bad thoughts in my head to think any more bad thoughts.
Never chase never hope just life day by day.
To dream is to hope too much and end up disappointed.
Let luck and love find us.
Just get on with life! 20.11.2011

What happened?

You were so sweet when I first met you, I thought butter wouldn't melt in your month.
Nothing and no one could take me away from you.
Then you weren't the man I thought you was.
You broke my heart when you left me for someone else.
My feelings carried on the same nothing stopped me from feeling love for you.
13 and a half years on and off I stuck out until I had enough.
Sorry I couldn't take more pain that you were giving me. 21.11.2011

I can do no more.

The truth hurts you so it should.
I can do no more.
You had your chance of my romance, which didn't took.
You said that there will be no one else in your life, it was never like that when I did love you so why be any different now?
I don't believe that anyone else will let you hurt them like I let you hurt me.
I must be the softest door mat of all but not any more.
Why did I take so much?
Because I loved you so.
Now I can't imagine how and why I loved you so.
All I ever wanted was someone who would love for what and who I am not what they can get out of me.
All you have from me now is friendship or nothing at all, your choice.
I have a happy life now that I'd be a mad fool to walk away from.
No way would I be as sad as you, walking away from happiness you could do without.
You will never spoil my happiness. 21.11.2011

I believe someone loves me, somehow, somewhere.

Someone loves me somehow, somewhere, even if it's not who I think it is.
In that case I don't know but I believe he's out there somewhere.
Despite been knocked over and picking myself up all the time I never give up with love, I believe your out there somewhere.
No matter what pain puts me through I don't give up on love.
I have stopped chasing hopes and dreams.
I am a fighter, I will go through whatever life throw at me.
We are put on this earth to enjoy life even though life is what you make it.
Not to waist time starling into space.
Life would be boring if it was all the same so life is full of happiness and pain in all areas.
Time is to use not to waste.
There's no right or wrong, go for what makes you happy and move on from what makes you sad.
Not all happiness works out. 21.11.2011

We are are never too old.

We are never too old, we are forever young.
Life is for living and drinking.
Take what comes never stop.
New will come along if nothing is right for you.
May be one day something or someone will be right for you.
Believe in yourself, then you can believe in others.
Enjoy life rather than waste life.
Life isn't happy all the time otherwise we'd be all spoiled and get away with what we want.
Never doubt yourself because something or someone has let you down.
There are plenty of people who won't let you down so you don't need the people who do.
Enjoy drink and fun.
Face the tomorrow day to look forward to tomorrow night.
If you ever get old, you can look back on a happy life, no matter how much it costs you.
There's always a way of balancing career with your fun. 21.11.2011

Feelings.

Feelings are hard to control when you love someone.
Falling in love is not easy to control but you don't have to fall in love to love.
When you fall in love it can be hard to let go if things go wrong.
Here I go again loving again, goodness knows how long it will last.
With knowing what I learned from the last love I believe this love will end.
As I said feelings are hard to control but one but never knows the future.
When many relationships have failed in the past, it's hard to think positive.
It's my feelings that make me never give up.
The future is any one's guess.
No hopes are built but I love him so much.
I miss him so much but he's a man, I guess he will love as long or short as he wants to.
I'll have to move on and start like I have always done, goodness know how many times I will fall in love before I die.
Who knows he may be the one for me and I may be the one for him?
The future is unknown.
All I know is that I love him and miss him so much. 21.11.2011

It all seems like a long goodbye.

It all seems like a long goodbye, seeing you tomorrow is unknown.
Goodbye for another day, mouth, week, year or whenever it is as long as your still mine I will never give up on you.
May be I will see you tomorrow but I can't take the pain of saying goodbye not knowing when I will see you again.
I will call you.
I will text you.
I will wait until I see you again.
I don't want to spoil what we have got, a little bit more time together wouldn't go a miss but I understand if not.
Still I will go along with however it is because I love you so much. 21.11.2011

Everyone is alone but not alone.

Today the world seems far too dull.
Money is tighter than ever.
No one is alone we are all in these hard times together.
We are alone when it comes to choosing our lives, now money doesn't give us a lot of choice.
Jobs and courses are very hard to find.
It's hard to think positive about the future when negative is around us in the present.
One can only go by what it's seems like.
It's more likely very little brightness at the end of the tunnel one can see.
We must make the best of what we have got even if it's not a lot.
Anything is better than nothing at all.
If you have nothing at all then there's war, the government shouldn't let it go too far.24.11.2011

Putting on a brave face.

We have to get on with life to live it.
We have to cope with what life throws at us.
All we can do is smile to fight the pain.
Life is what you make but not when you don't have choices.
We need to keep ourselves and one another the best we can.
Help one another just as we did when times were hard all so long ago.
Let's believe we are strong: we can work it out. 24.11.2010

Love.

Love can bring us happiness.
Love can bring us pain.
Never hope when it comes to love.
Love can last for a long but the longer it lasts it can break your heart.
Pain can hit you in the face when you don't know it's going to happen.
No matter how hard it is, we must get up again not every love is the same as the last.
It all goes on like a roller coaster, one never knows unless they try.
It doesn't happen for everyone but there are some people who have thousand fail relationships then one day the right person comes along for them.
Either your lucky or your not, if you give up on yourself you will be completely alone.
It's best to try not to think about get on with life day by day, which isn't easy when you really love someone. 24.11.2011

Another world.

It's hard to know whether life is real or not.
It's hard to know if happiness is real or not.
We may not like the truth but real is truth no one likes pretend and lies in real life.

Sometimes it's hard to know what the truth is depending what it's about.

What we are told, we don't always like.
What we don't like may be better for us.
What do like may be bad for us.
Don't cry the world isn't always black and white.
Not not everything we enjoy is bad for us.
We don't have to feel guilty about everything we do, say, eat, drink and etc.
There are some things we like what are good for us.
It's very rarely enjoyment becomes good for us.
On the whole anything that's bad for us we tends to enjoy, then regret is sooner if not later.
we can't come quick enough enjoy the good and the fun.
We are happy to avoid the things we don't like that are bad for us.
For a lot of us we tend to go with what's bad for us because we enjoy it.
Still we only live once.
If we can't have fun, why are we born? 24.11.2011

Too hard to say goodbye.

It's too hard to say goodbye once I have seen you.
I know it could or and seem like a long time until I see you again.
No matter how much I miss you, I will never give up on you.
No matter what life is like I will never stop loving you.
Nothing and no one will know and spoil what and who goes through my mind.
No matter how much or little I see of you I love no one else.
No matter how hard it is to say goodbye, my patients don't run out for you. 17.12.2011

Bullying and Abuse.

2011-09-24T10:46:00.000-07:00

Thursday 16th December 2004 they say that your school days are the best years of your life. I am not the only one but my school days were hell. Apart from been bullied and the fact I found it very hard to learn, I was on tablets that trapped my awareness of the big wide world.

I like many other kids experienced Sexual abuse. There was only one school I didn't experience Sexual abuse that was Saint Luke's school Upper Viler street but I was bullied there, Kids used to force me to eat crisps off the play ground floor. My friend Molly used to stuck up for me, I'm very grateful to her. That school had to bring in a child's psychologist in to access my needs. It was then known to them that I needed to go to special schools. Other than the bullying I remember very little about that school.

I started Kingswood Special Boarding school Albrighton Wolverhampton in 1977. I hated been away from home, five days a week there felt like an life time.

I was scared of the dark anyway as a child but it scared me even more having to live with a lot of strangers, which must have been the same for the other kids too. I could never sleep yet I felt so alone when the children were asleep.

Friday 17th December 2005. One the school alarm went off, it made me jump out my skin. I had never heard anything like it before. I ran into the sliding wardrobe, that made a rusting sound as if it needed oiling. I think these wooden sliding wardrobes were like that back then.

Mrs White the washing lady, who was pump suddenly appeared to find me. Little did I knew that I had to stand outside line up with the children. The alarm so loud, I didn't hear anything else. Mrs White took me outside with the other children.

I was at Kingswood school from the age 7 and a half until I was 12, they were very torch years that seemed like an life time. The bullying and abuse got so bad I don't know how I got through. I was very glad to leave but the bully and Sexual abuse still carried on in the other two schools I went to at Halesbucy Halesowen and Penn fields special day schools Wolverhampton. I tried telling my Mother and different teachers in the school, I seemed to be misunderstood and or even disbelieved.

Thursday 20th October 2005. There was and there still seems to be abuse everywhere. No one is alone. In Broading school alone, I was a victim of about 15 sexual buses or and even rape by pupils in the school, I guess there were many other child victims, it can't have been just me surely. I tried to tell a Senior girl when I was 11 to 12 , I think she seemed to have rough idea what I was talking about she helped me tell one of the House mothers. At least a few or a lot of boys had left the school by the time it was reported. The ones who were still there had to stand with their heads to walls all night long.

It was a picth black cold Autumn to winter's night in 1977, it was just before my 8th birthday. I was walking down to Sick Bay to get my tablets that I took for my fits. From the house to the Sick Bay there was a long path than seemed to take forever but there was three steps that were getting closer to the Sick Bay.
Suddenly I felt someone gabbed the back of my Pinny form dress as he pushed into the brushes. He felt as strong as an ox as I screamed with shock, it was so unexpected. The next thing, he just force himself inside me. At that point I didn't know who he was or where he was from only compared to me he was big, strong and large. I only felt pain but I didn't see anything. I couldn't hear anything because I was scearming that loud but what I don't understand is that no one heard me mainly when the Sick Bay was so close by.The nurse didn't even bother to look what was going on, anything could have happened to child. By the time I got into Sick Bay I was in trouble for not having any clothes on. My school Uniform was all cut up on the path. I have a rough idea who it could be but it happened so fast and unexpected in the dark. Another child had walked passed, she saw and knew who it was but she was as young as I was to understand what was going on.

It was no surprise to me when I fund out during adulthood that a boy in my class who abused me and other children at Kingswood school, grew up to kill his wife and kids in a fire. Another thing I found out during adulthood was that a House Father is in prison for abusing the senior boys at Kingswood school.

Thinking back Kingwood common was a very nice looking common, I remember very playful memories like us playing kick the can but I also remember very painful in that pale blue shed by at least two boys, screaming my head off in their but nobody heard or came. I tried so hard to tell adults but I was never understood so therefore I wasn't believed.

I was very lucky that there was very little food I didn't like. The little food I didn't like then I like now. I used to feel sorry for the poor kids who disliked a lot of food because there were just hell at meal times when the House Mothers used to force them to eat food they didn't like. Many I saw running to the bathroom with their fingers up their throats before they got there, it was very upsetting sight to see. I never used to like liver but over the years I have learned to like it. Many people say it's the people cook liver. In school used to taste so dry and better, they used to say.

" Eat with some mash and you won't taste it."

I still could, I used to eve and nearly vomit as I was eating and tears were rolling down my face. I so wanted to get out of that school but I couldn't explain easily why I was so unhappy.I never liked the mixed veg there either or the board and butter beans. Now I like board beans but I haven't tried butter beans for years. I never used to like beetroot either now I do. My Nan used to mash Swede and carrots with mash, I liked it a bit quicker then rather than the school ramming it down my throat.
In one way it may have changed a lot of people's taste buds during adulthood but it can cause kids a lot of unhappiness that they dread facing.

If you or anyone you know is facing any kind of bullying or abuse please feel free to email me on sarajgorman@googlemail.com on the subject of abuse, bullying and Hate Crime, you can send me a private email on googleamil or sarajgorman@gmail.com you may want to send me an email on gmail by raising bullying and Hate crime awareness.It may be you or someone you who has faced bullying, abuse or and Hate crime. Anyone is more than welcome to contact me with you have disabilities or and health problems or not. You can be age. No human being should have to put up with bullying or abuse. You also welcome to email me just to make comments on my work that I do for Mencap or anything I have written on my website if you want.

A man gets charged over Arson.

Anthony Watkiss who killed 14 year old Donna Thomson, plus a 16 year old Mother and her baby in a house fire Christmas day 1996. He was in my class at Kingswood school and he was one of my abusers in that school. He also killed 34 year old Michelle Bone - Knell. Anthony and his wife Sue Watkiss poured petrol through Mrs Bone - Knell's letter box. Her two children Damien 18 mouths and Chantal 3 years old at the time were seriously injured.

Strangely and shamely I'm so sorry to say that I was totally unaware of the case. Although over the years I had heard people talking about the Anthony Watkiss case for what he did to myself, I have to say that it didn't shock or surprise me, I caught on to the crime he committed but not who the victims were. My heart goes out to the victims and people who are left behind who knew victims who died. I hate to know that this is happened but hopefully these very hurtful stories will help in the future my abused story to get believed and understood in hopes I can help crime to stop and victims to be listened to, believed and understood.

At the time strangely enough October 1996, a mouth or two before Anthony's crimes were reported. I had a very serous relationship, which seemed that way to me at the time. What was so strange about that was that he's name is Anthony but he would never commit a crime he was just a heart breaker.

Out of sight out mind.

You can behind me without me knowing.
You hurt me without me knowing what was happening to me.
What I did know is that you made me feel pain.
I was too young to know so why did you put me something that I was too young to know about.
Even now I am well old enough I am still asking myself what you did to me that night.
I have never felt so much pain in all my life.
In 30 odd years I have had to get over and come to terms with so many fears that happened for 20 to 30 odd years.
There's more of you than just you who have hurt me in this way.
I must have a thousand nasty pictures in my head even now I just can't explain.
I couldn't stand be a lone in the dark.
I kept seeing the night you hurt me that way again, again and again.
I kept sitting up looking around the bedroom in fear of another children hurting me the same as you did.
Every 5 minutes going to the bathroom, vomiting in fear in case anything could have happened next.

Weak to strong.

When I first went through what you put me through, I used to vomit, see in my mind the nasty things you were doing to me.
Now I don't have as many if not none at all of flash backs.
The weekends home never seemed to last long enough before I knew I had to face the unhappiness in school.
Many times I thought about running away from school but I wouldn't have been able to tell my family why.
I felt like taking my own life but my my family would have wondered why!
I still feel as if I need someone to talk about because it's been kept inside my mind so long even though I have tried to tell some but I haven't been understood.
There wasn't enough help when I was young.
If I can't get enough help myself I would like to help others who have been through the same thing as me if not work.
I would like to help others and get help myself.
Slowly people are learning to understand me now.
Some things are hard to talk about.
It took me long enough to talk about rape and abuse now I still find it hard to make my understood.

New poems of 2011

2011-09-19T05:09:00.000-07:00

I'm alone not alone.

Loneliness is my friend who doesn't reply back when been spoken to.
Loneliness is my home.
If I want a reply to what I say I'm out and about.
Night time is the time when I'm out even if people don't speak to me.
Life carries on without you even though I love you so much.
When I'm out I don't if and when I see you again but seeing little of you suits me fine.
My bed is calling and waiting for me at the end of the night or the morning light.
Loneliness is waiting for me yet again therefore no one knows my private thoughts about me and you other than me and you.
When I can't sleep I think about you.
When I sleep I have deep dreams about you.
If I sleep at all woken by heavy traffic and very strong winds, how very strange?
I'm not a lone to be alone. 18.9.2011

Sorry I can't sleep.

I keep counting sheep every time I try to sleep.
May be I have lost count of the sheep.
They keep me awake by saying.
Baa baa!

It seems like a thousand years since I saw you to love you or sorry was it only today or yesterday?

We may have to wait to see one another forever, it may be today, tomorrow, whenever or never.
Never mind look forward to seeing you next time whenever that is.
I may not be a very good sleeper but mornings are now too cold to get out of bed.
It's too warm in bed.18.9.2011

Never ending!

It's not always possible to love the same person forever.
The good is not spending a lot of time together.
The bad is too many heart breaks.
Love seems to be an never ending circle from one lover to other.
Happiness last as long or as short as it's meant to be.
Loving one person for for life these days is very rare.
I don't think forever love will happen to me, which one way is a good thing but another way is a bad thing.
I've cried so many times over broken love, I guess I have many tears to come.
I've been happy so many times in love I guess more love to come that more than likely won't last.
Love starts and ends.
It's hard to know whether to believe in hope or not.
I guess commitment isn't always cut out to be these days. 18.9.2011

The sun isn't bright enough without you.

It's been a long time since I saw the sky the night before the sun.
The air is too cold for the birds to fly.
The sun isn't warm or bright enough without you.

I think about you non stop.
I can never seem to give up on your love.
Nothing seems to stop me feeling the way I do about you.
At times I'm in my own world.
Your on my mind so much I can't sleep.
When I'm a sleep it's hard to wake up, my dreams are so deep about you.

Sometimes I wish I could a bird so I could fly to you.
Every day is unknown whether it's a good or bad day.
I wish I climb trees to make and collect leaves to build a nest to rest at my very best.
I'm the bird of the sea, come fly with me.
As we hit the tide coming and out with the waves under our feet, that is the love of you. 18.9.2011

Change of seasons.

There's no longer a long winter.
There's no longer a long summer.
The weather has a mind of it own at any time all year round.

Paint a picture of an ideal world.
The sky.
The sun.
The sea.
The sand.
The trees.
The gardens.
So the list goes on.

No winter is winter in winter time, it's winter when it wants to be.
The snowman for children is now a fairly tale dream. 18.9.2011

Childhood memory.

2011-09-18T05:35:00.000-07:00

I started of as an only for the first 13 years of my life. In one way I loved it but in another way I hated it. Called talking to yourself the first sign of madness but it created my world, no one answered me back other than my dolls and soft toys. On the other hand it was a lonely world when their isn't anyone who can communicate or and understand you. When there are a lot of adults around the world seems bigger and better than what you are.

When I was ten years old, I walked into class on Monday morning after the weekend. I knew what I had do, write in my rough about what I did over the weekend, this was about the only thing liked doing in school apart from art, history, English and swimming.

Not many children including myself got on with Old Miss Cole at Kingswood Special boarding Albrighton Wolverhampton. Even the look of her scared us let alone when she shouted at us. I can see this woman only about 50 looking over 90 when I think about it today. Her clacked wriggled face, her black and white dog checked coat. Everyday I used to dread facing her but my word I respect so much for making me the person I am today.

My word I wish I would have kept my rough books because I wrote some things that were and were not true just because I loved writing yet I had no thoughts of wanting to be a writer. Some stories were true one Monday, next Monday untrue stories and Monday after true and untrue was mixed.
My Nan Letty was my Mother, my Mother Jane known as Sam was my sister, my Auntie Vicci was my sister and my Nan as my Mother had at least three made up children in my stories. Many I have forgotten because I wrote in 1979. My writing about that weekend, the events were true but some people were real but different people.

When Miss Cole read my work, she went mad as she slapped my leg with a ruler, which shock me up for the rest of day. As for my writing, it helped me create my own world gave me grief off adults in the real world. In the end taught me not to tell lies only in writing stories or if I have to tell white lies. I never thought about wanting to be a writer until I was 23 but as for my rough book I was just a lonely child.

" Telling lies can get you into big trouble, Sara!"

September 11th diary 2001

2011-09-11T09:24:00.000-07:00

I remember ten years ago today been an very unhappy day. I rang my Father round about 4pm on that Tuesday afternoon. He asked me to put the television on. There was a very serious tone in his voice. I asked him why and he told me. I felt just the same all over again like when I heard the news about John Lennon just over twenty years before hand. Yet again the experience of hearing the news was so hard to talk and write about.

When I put the news on, I saw the New York towers fall really fast through a dramatic explosion like a para shoot going through the air. Nothing sank into me at first until I saw it on the news. A I watched those towers falling down my stomach was turning over as if I was on a roller coaster ride.

This all happened in Washington as well as New York. It hit nine people alive from the World Trade Centre. A fireman had been hit on the 38rd floor of one of the towers.

Wednesday 12th September 2001

The sad est part is that places like New York is so easy to get hit because the buildings are so well known. Mainly buildings like the towers with them been very tall.

One American lady had said

" It has destroyed a lot of lives as well as homes and buildings."

The fireman had told the rescuers that he had been rolling down the stairwell, floor by floor. The whole building had collapsed. There were five other firefighters and a police offer still there to be saved.

Thursday 13th September 2001

The morning I heard that one hundred English people had been killed in New York through explosion.

Yesterday President of American George Brush vowed to bring justice. Just like everyone he was very upset and angry. He also wants to know who has done this damage to the USA.

I think I heard on the news last night that they want to cause the English army out.
Two brothers were aboard hijacked Untied flights 175, which crushed into the World Trade.
Four planes had 266 people aboard. 100 - 800 people may be dead at the pentagon.

Friday 14th September 2001. At 11.00am at Saint Paul's Cathral there was a service for 500 English people who died in USA. There was also a 3 minutes quite.

This has cost so many people's lives and damaged buildings, my thoughts go out to people who have lost people or and buildings.

Monday 17th September 2001 USA is back to work but I guess there are still a lot of people who can't cope with going back to work at least not yet. Bare in mind that some people have lost a lot of businesses, even worse some people homes. President Brush had added.

" I want Bin Laden dead or burned alive."

Its sounds to me as if Bin Laden is guilty of theses attacks on USA. They think that Bin Laden had many terriorists involved but it's still unsure. President Brush does have a very strong feeling that it's Bin Laden. More than likely Brush is right but he shouldn't jump the gun it could be anyone from anywhere. Planes going into towers is anyone's guess. No one can blame Brush for been upset and angry though.

Thursday 18th September 2001. 30 odd years to Jimi Hendrick's death, I bet he's rolling in his grave with the USA coming to war again.

It's now been a week since the attacks. No one can really say how long this war will last. President Brush added.

" This war could go on a very long time."

My Father added.

" This war could go on another 30 years."

This war is very hard to come to terms with. Life has to go on but never rush people to rebuild their lives. The world had no choice but to accept the war, it will stay as long as it's going to. We need to take it day by day.

Wednesday 19th September 2001.

I can't say whether I'm right or wrong, mostly wars are about greed, jealously and not accepting people who and they are. We are all human beings at the end of the day. The colour of our skin and the way we talk shouldn't matter to anyone. Life is hard enough on it's own without making matters worse. We should live a life of choice if not why are we born? Why is there a world in the first place if we can't enjoy life?

Thursday 20th September 2001.

I believe the war will go on for ten years but nothing can be so sure.Every day is unknown, we shouldn't judge what we don't know for sure.

Since and before the Gulf war, we have heard enough about robbings, murders and etc without causing more wars. More of these things are talked about more now than ever before. Now we need to watch our backs all the time, which makes wars worse. That doesn't make the 1st or 2nd World War any worse or better than this one.

Great Expectations

2011-09-11T02:52:00.001-07:00

Great Expectations

2011-09-11T02:52:00.000-07:00

When the world lost John Lennon.

2011-09-11T02:19:00.000-07:00

I remember walking into class at Kingswood Special boarding school Albrighton Wolverhampton at the age of 11 December 1980. Normally we would all sit down but we all told to stay standing. The atmosphere felt strange to me but I guess it felt strange to a lot of kids in my class that day. It was as if we were standing to attention in the Army. I thought we were all in trouble may be a lot of kids felt the same.

" I have some very bad news to tell you." said Mr Stroll

Mr Stroll was a very nice teacher but it was just a change of atmosphere to the classroom, which is no one's fault.

Everything seems to look very dark. The sky kept on changing from white to grey, grey to white even though there was a lot of snow on the ground.

" John Lennon was shot last night, children!"

We could handy speak as our faces went white as ghosts. We all must have had faces like wet weekends even though it was Monday morning. The walls of the classroom were pale blue but that point the blue looked even paler. The atmosphere in the room felt even stranger, everyone in the room must have felt the same way if not it must have been me. I have never felt as emptry and blank in all my life. Whoever would have told us I would have felt the same. For ages I felt as if a knife was going through me.

What's on your mind?

2011-07-24T07:36:00.000-07:00

You are more than welcome to what you want to say or write.
It makes no difference if what's on your mind is happy or say.
Just bring out anything you want to say or write.

Everyone likes to keep most things private no one is force to say or write.

The choice is yours on how you open your world and mind on what you say or write.

How people communicate with you is depending on what subject you say or write.

Some people don't communicate at all.

Please speak and write your mind.

Don't speak or write your mind if you don't want to. 24.7.2011

Mark David Chapman.

What was on your Mind to commit such a crime to the famous Beatles, old, too young to leave earth he gave his fans such good times?

You may not be able to mend what's been broken?

Saying sorry may not mend the damage.

You have already long sent John Lennon up to heaven.

Do you believe in Jesus Christ?

Do you believe that Christ will come back to life?

Do you believe John Lennon was or could have been Jesus Christ just like he wanted to be?

The answers to these questions are very unknown.

Do you believe that there will be peace on earth as well as there may be in heaven?

I was eleven when my old school teacher Mr Stroll told me and many others in class that John Lennon has gone to heaven, I still hear Mr Stroll telling us 31 years on now.

Do you believe that Christ will come back to life, even so you shouldn't have done what you have done?13.8.2011

Nothing lasts forever.

Nothing lasts forever but I have fallen for you.

You may not be always in my life but you will be always on my mind.

It isn't all about my feelings, it's about your feelings too.

The same way love always end, you may well leave me some day.

I will never give up on love.

No one knows unless they try, never build ones hopes up but never say never.

One's luck may not be the same as it has already been.

Life is very unknown, if we knew everything there would be no surprises or shocks. 13.8.2011

We should all control our minds.

We should all control our minds then there wouldn't be so much crime.

No reason is a reason to kill.

There's no perfect world out there, we all disagree with what one another do and say sometimes if not all of the time.

We say about children and teenagers been unkind to one another so can adults.

If we really can't cope with what we hear or see or even both in many cases can be, then just walk away.

Help is better out there than it used to be, now there's counselling out there, there never used to be any help at all but we still have a long way to go.

Just because Yoko Ono is Japanese, Mark David Chapman killed John Lennon many years to the day of Pearl Habela which the Japanese turned against the Americans on the 8th December.

No one can like everyone but hate is a very strong word.
14th August 2011

The world is a strange place.

The world is a strange like you and me, it has good and bad.

How we face the world isn't the same.

Life is what we make it.

We are the people who live in this world.

The world isn't the problem it's us in it.

The main thing is is how we are to one another.

There are a lot of thought we need to keep to ourselves.

At times it all gets too much.

No one is going to help us unless we help ourselves.

We need to find ways of not letting the bad in life play with our minds.

We must think about good things in life.

Clear the bad things out of our minds.

The good may be hard to think about.

For me writing poetry helps me get on with my life by writing all my thoughts down on paper out my mind.

Drawing, painting and exercise biking riding is also very good cure for me.

Anxiety isn't the only reason for doing these things, enjoyment comes into it too.
14th August 2011

Every day.

I miss you every day.

My world is empty without you.

Nothing seems to change but I accept it because I think so much of you.

I don't think I will ever give on you unless you give up me.

When the sun shines it doesn't shine unless I'm with you.

There's not a moment that I'm not wishing I was with you.

Holding me all night until the morning light.

The good may be hard to think about with the very little time we spend together.

Hopefully that little time we get together will help us to be together longer than if we spent a lot of time together.

I will just do my best to clear the bad out of my mind by writing poetry.

I never know when to text or call in case I contact you at the wrong moment.

However long or short our time together is better than nothing at all. 18.8.2011

Wem please sounds like Wembley.

I have never written a poem, short story, novel or play on the train.

I was travelling from Newtown Powys Wales in the mid to late 80s.

My memory has been that many a times through my life I caught the wrong well almost the wrong train.

Once I nearly went to Wembley when I should have gone to Wem.

The ticket collector said

" Off to Wembley."

"No, I'm off to Wem."

He laughed but I was only 17 and scared.

I was just in a world of my own still relieving on the rest of the world.

"No worries, you can get off at Sherwbucy." he said

" Who ordered the ticket?" he asked

" My tutor." I said

I tried to work out what must have happened, I thought about it.

A lot of people on the train stared at me as if I was mad as I started to laugh.

Wem please sounds like Wembley.

When got off the train to meet my Mother Shrewbucy, she said.

" I've been waiting half an hour for you at Wem station.

When I told her the reason her feelings were mixed with worrying about me and the funny side of Wem been mistaken for Wembley. 18.8.2011

Your worth the wait.

I feel love for you.

I need your love even more than plants, flowers and trees need the sun and the rain.

This love will never die until I die however long I wait.

If I'm wrong I can be right all the time.

I'd rather miss you than lose you but I can't except your feelings to be the same as mine all the time.

You may leave me some day, then I will have to move on from the light to the day.

If things change for you and me, if ever there's going be another he, he will have to spent more time missing me than kissing me. 18.8.2011

I will never again chase love.

Love will have to come to me if ever again it's to be.

I never looked for you, you found me.

If it doesn't work out for us the next love will be very close friends you and me are or where.

Who knows what the future will be.

Take life day by day.

Don't build one's hopes up: never say never.

Wait and see. 18.8.2011

Open up your mind.

If you feel as if something should be said then say it.

Don't be scared, don't be shy just open your mind.

Some people feels as if they don't want to talk about sad thing but they feel as they need to.

Please give their own time when things are to talk that they want or and need to said mainly when it's sad things.

Some things are hard to talk about but better off not talking about in a lot of people's minds. 19.8.2011

Fits.

Fits are caused by a electric storm in your head.
Water is blowing fuses inside your head.
The muscles in your head go very tense, which can cause stress.
One part of the body may give messages to other.
You may start to go dizzy.
Your hands, arms and legs may shake. 20.8.2011

Chapter seven supporting learning disability.

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United States seems to work faster than Britain with supporting learning disability because United State is a bigger country than Britain. The thing that isn't helping us now is the cutbacks. We try to better the support then there's not enough money to support learning disability. The wrong thing the government doing is talking money off people who need it most. The government spends the money on the wrong things. This can take away people's choice, control and rights a over their own lives.

This is where Learning Disability Awareness training comes into helping professions learn to understand learning disability in all areas of life.

For example of all things; there are some people with LD in work but not many and not many people have jobs that interest them. Having something is better than having nothing but even better is people having the jobs that interests them. In this credit crunch today anyone is better have a job at all when there's at least over 200million may be a lot more or less unemployed people.
Getting along with people is a hard thing to do when you have LD anyway mainly when you have Autism because of a lack of communication and understanding. To not enjoy the job is bad but to not get along with anyone in the work placement is even worse. In the eyes of many employers people with LD are a Health and Safety Hazard, we can't do a job good enough and quick enough for them, we can't get buses until 9.30am because of our disabled passes or we cost them money to claim back, we can only work part time because of our benefits but we can only earn so much money on top of our benefits so that gives them less money to pay out to us. Never the less we still seem like hard work for many of them to employ. This is where money is needed to support people so the government need to be careful what they are spending the money on. There has been talk about direct and indirect payments, whether that is set for those in work I don't know. How the idea I heard it should work is for people to earn enough money to pay for their services as well as enough to live on, I may be wrong.

Chapter one Introducing Learning Disability and Autism.

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My name is Sara Jane Gorman.I used to be a Learning Disability Awareness trainer and Self - Advocacy worker for Our Shout supported by Royal Wolverhampton Mencap. I am a experienced consultant in the field of learning disability and I have given presentations to professionals locally and regionally. I have given my training to Health students at the University of Wolverhampton, School of Nursing and the Health care professions at New cross hospital Wolverhampton.

I started off writing when I was stopping at my Grandmother's house in Wolverhampton in 1993. I was recovering from Cancer of the throat, I 23. I was watching the news Trever McDonald told the world about the Council homes closing down, which worried me a lot. I felt so strong about the topic, I started thinking about Charlies Dickens writing about orphans and people worse off than myself. I stated with my life story and stories, I have had a few reports published in the odd newsletters and a poem published in each of 11 books. The problem was that the publishers Poetry Now! weren't paying me I was spending a lot of money on their books. I haven't had any support since to find a publisher for my work. I plan has always to raise half of what earn of my writing for charity but it hasn't happened. I mean this help animals as well as human

I am a keen writer, in 2008 I wrote and Co - produced a play to highlight the difficulties people with learning disabilities have accessing employment.
March 2009, I went a Sci rt and Screen course to better my writing. Now hopefully this course will pay off for me writing this book. Just before Christmas 2009, I helped Mencap set up a Disabled Writer's group. December 2010, I helped out with an art project at Penn hall special school by helping the children creative their own Superhero.

For a very short time I had my own little business, which was handy a business. It was called Access All Areas Now! I shared with someone else with a learning disability, we we both Learning Disability Awareness trainers. We started off been Supported by Mencap then Employment pathways. In the end there was very little money due to the cutbacks to support us to keep the business going. In that time we only achieved a great deal of work our Pilot scheme and only earned £80.00. We couldn't earn a great anyway due to the benefits that we are on.

This book isn't just writer about me but for readers who have learning disabilities, families, carers, friends, lovers, professionals and etc. This book isn't only about Autism and learning disability but it's also about my life story, which is all linked together to help and educate people on learning disability but mostly Autism.
The purpose of this book is to train and educate society to treat people with LD and Mental problems equal to other people. To learn how balance support with indepences.
This book is about the rights of speaking for people with LD and Mp problems.

Chapter two History of learning disability

2011-04-23T04:02:00.000-07:00

Before the 1980s, most people with learning disabilities with all levels lived in long stay hospitals or institutions, now many of them are closed down. We had very little or no choice and control at all.We were either stuck in where they were or
they were lucky if a member of staff took us. We couldn't go out alone or together without staff. We didn't learn anything because of us been slow learners, no one gave us any confidence to do anyhting. We were treated unequal to other people. The staff didn't have the time of day we us. We were seen as a danger to society.

Today in everything, things are better than they were but we still have a long way to go.

For example; most people with mild disabilities like myself get by living alone with a little family support, even that wasn't allowed at one time. It's getting the balance between independence and support.Let us do the things we can do but support us with the things we can't. Today society tries to support people who need different levels of support. Times are pretty at the moment with the credit crunch so a lot services have cutback but people are more educated to what they were but they still have a lot to learn.

We have seen the difference today compared to in the past. We were labelled and treat different to other people when we are human beings just like they are.

We had poor, treated, we were neglected and abused. We were seen as mentally handicapped, sub normal, mentally backward enteral, a menace and burden to society. Society tends to called people without disabilities normal, no one is normal some people are slower than others. Everyone is a human being. These bad things affected people with disabilities lives very badly that they suffered Stress, Anxiety and depression. Many had health problems any for example Epilepsy. We were misunderstood because we were seen as different, strange or and even mad.

I am not saying all people with disabilities faced these things but they were common to happen.
Over the centuries attitudes have been bad but they have now got better.

Chapter three Family break ups and learning disability.

2011-04-22T04:55:00.000-07:00

Evan people with disabilities ourselves understand when we are adults what hard work we are through no fault of our own. This is easy misunderstood. The stress of bring up children can be a strain on relationships but twice as much for couples who have children with learning disabilities. Many couples blame the children for their marriages or and relationship break but the affects and the work learning disability can bring it can damage your life even more.

At the same time it makes the child feel guilty mainly when their parents slipt up. In some cases depending what the break up is over, children are sad see their parents slipt but for other it's relief. In my case my parents slipt before I was born so I have known any different but I didn't see my Dad until I was 21 but I told he saw me when I was just born.

On the bright side learning disability isn't all black and white if or and when the child gets older some people get better as they get older depending on their disabilities but on the whole that becomes slowly in my experience.

What I understand is everyone has the rights to have their life as adults as much as they love their children. Trying to get a balance of seeing it from the adult and child's point a view is hard. Yet no child asks to be born but no child ask to have leaning disabilities. Not that I am saying that children are not planned. This does just apply to just children adults too. Everyone with learning disabilities need some kind of support even other people too. No one gets any younger. May be you have been looking after your grown up child for years, years and years but if child with disabilities is only a baby, you too should have the rights of support if that's what you want. No one wants to make other peoples' lives hard but sometimes one doesn't have a choice. Sadly like most things learning disabilities affect lives.

Saying that the lucky ones like myself with mild disabilities tend to get better as we get even though still have problems so families start to have a bit more freedom. As adults with disabilities want to be to have their own lives because all these years as children they have had to be protect so much which is no different to anyone really.

The amount of times my Mother has said your hard work Sara, the amount of times it's made me feel guilty. As my Mum would say any child is hard work but when they have disabilities the work is even harder. If you are a peron with disability, carer, family member, friend, family friend or and etc please email if you would like a chat, you may want to make a common or and may need support one way or the other. sarajgorman@googlemail.com or Facebook sarajgorman@gmail.com

Chapter four What is a learning disability?

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Learning disabilities are conditions that affect everyday lives in peoples' bodies or and mind. Mental disabilities are to do with the mind and Physical disabilities There are all different kinds of disabilities. Muscular Dystrophies is when a person's body weaken gradually in a limit of time. It seems to be more common in male than female.

Spinia Bifida can happen during pregnancy when the spinia cord (nerves run down the spine.) This can affect peoples' balance, movement, bowel and bladder control. It's a bone and joint deformities what affect peoples' movements. Hydrocephalus is high pres sager to the brain because of the fluid not being drained away.

Cerebral Palsy happens during pregnancy. It's a Mental and Physical disability affecting the body and mind. The brain controls the movement of the body in early stages of growth. Almost like one form of Autism that links with Dyspraxia as a hidden Physical disability. With Cerebral Palsy the damage can happen during birth even though the disability happen before birth or any other brain injuries at a very early age. ( Such as a lack of oxygen to the brain or if a child has been shaken. Children face these difficulties, posture(ability to put the body in a chosen position and keep it there.)

There are more disabilities than I have just written. All disabilities can affect everyday lives one way or the other. For eg; mobility, ability with hands, physical co - coordination or bladder and bowel control, ability to lift and carry, move heavy objects,, remembering things, concentration, learning, understanding and or danger awareness. There's still enough awareness on Dyspaxia yet. It's called Dyspaxia Developmental Co - ordination is when people can only cope doing one thing at a time, which slows people down. I have had this problem all my life I'm nearly 42years but people have only started to learn about it about just over ten years ago.

For eg; people can find it hard to fasten shoe laces and buttons.
Finding it hard to carry a hot joint of meat out the oven and heavy hot pans.
A new born baby can slip ones arms.
Can't skip.
Can't ride a bike.
Can't drive a car.

I haven't been diagnosed Dyspaxia but my Auntie think I have Dyspaxia. Over the past
ten years or so she has come across a few who have the same problems as me. I still
think I need to be diagnosed but I wouldn't be surprised if I am because my Co - ordanation is bad are Motor skills. now I have learned what my own problems could be I would like to help others like me to see they will get more help than me. For eg; seeing that young children better exercise support than what I did. Support aids and seeing that people get the support people need.

My experience of Dyslexia is very often a memory problem for eg; I remember getting bs and ds mixed up I was needing to write the word dog. I suddenly went blank so when wrote the og I know I was wrong because bog didn't look right to me. I rubbed it out to put dog, yet I have stories and poems in my mind. I have always been known for missing words out of sentences and numbers back to front 82 becomes 28, yet I have always found maths very hard. Yet getting numbers back to front and bs and ds the right way round doesn't happen as often now, I still miss words out of sentences and get letters in the wrong places even though I know they are in the word. Sometimes I notice my mistakes other times I don't that's why I need a proof reader.

Hearing, speech, eye sight needs braille and sign language, these disabilities can link into a lot if not all disabilities.

it's like when I said there's different kind of Autism. Sorry to confuse you, Autism is a learning disability. As for how people with disabilities cope with like I said with Autism just except the unaccepted not two people with the same disabilities face the same good and bad in life. Learning disability websites adultprotection.org.uk, WWW.mencap.org.uk and community.care.co.uk. There are many more if you tap in learning disability websites in your search engine.

Mencap say that 1 in 5 people in the uk have learning disabilities. Learning disabilities either start before, during or after birth depending what the disabilities are.

Anxiety Disorder is a kind of Mental illness that causes people to feel worried and stressed whether we have anything to worry about or not. Other than counseling,
exercise and cut down on coffee is the only treatment I'm aware of. Most medications may be on the market but I have been living with it far too long to notice, it just
something you learn to accept if you have been living with it all your life. It's
just hard getting people to accept the way you are as a person as well as a person with learning disabilities.

The causes are unknown, it can either
be on it's own or linked to other disabilities like mine is. There's no limit of
time of long we feel worried and stress for. It can be even harder if it is linked
on to other disabilities because you feel angry not been equal to the rest of society. When you have been living with it all your life you learn to live with it
and you more calmer than you used to be and accept bad things better. We get dryness in our mouths, we feel shaky, tense, fast heart beat and we find it hard to sleep. Just because a person may not face all these things, it doesn't mean they don't stuffer from Anxiety Panic attacks are the main causes of Anxiety.

British men are three times more than likely to take their own lives than British woman.

At least 75% of people in the uk, suffer from depression, I guess that includes people with and without disabilities but I don't know for sure. Only about 3rd of people try to get help. My worry is if people keep on suffering alone they will make themselves ill. Depression affects one in five older people who live in the community, even more care homes.

Stress is the biggest killer of all for everybody maily in today's credit crunch, we are all in the same boat. Bear in mind that stress plays on a lot people's state of mind anyway, which can course Anxiety and depression when people worry too much over things. Some things just won't get out of peoples' minds or it can take a long time. For example; things from relationship and marriage break ups to death even worse paying bills which is more common that ever today. Mencap say People with learning disabilities 58 times likely to die before the age 50 but that's not in the case in everybody. Like I said Stress is a killer for all people but if you have learning disabilities or and health problems on it's own it's double the pressager.

For example; Panic attacks can also bring on Epilepsy but then with my disabilities whatever they are for sure. I was born with lack of oxygen to the brain, which caused me to have fits from birth. When I have stress or I think I have things to worry about I panic but sometimes it brings a fit on other times it doesn't. This can mainly be when I have been misunderstood or and even confused with something like information for eg; some things can make me panic then get me angry and if I get too upset it may bring on my fits, depending what the situation is and how stressful it is to me. I went 20 yrs without having a fit bit during that time I was working at Camnant a living in riding stable in Newtown powys Wales. My Boss Miss Coyne thought I was having Peta Mal fits, which I couldn't understand, I wasn't feeling unwell. She had got the doctor to put me on Tregratol tablets without my families say so. When was 20 I was so depressed with taking them for no reason I over dosed on the lot but lucky enough as you know I pulled through. My family went mad and got the doctor to take me off them. Most medications can make people depressed which are caused by the side-affects.

This is something that doctors should look into because this does not just accept the whose taking the medication but others around mainly if the medication causes the person to have behavior problems for example if someone is Moody a lot. Like I say I have written in many reports advising people to except the unaccepted in all people. That means except anything. Some people seem don't in themselves with medication others without. It's all swings and roundabouts.

Even most good things can be stressful for example; taking exams and waiting for exam results is another example even though on the other hand it could get me through life. I am very keen person if I fail I just keep going but despite of the panic it causes me, which is part of disability, I cope somehow. This can happen in any ones' case not just mine.

When Anxiety links to Autism is when change happens mainly when something can either
shock or even surprise a person. Good change a little bit of time to get used to as well as bad change. Anxiety is the reason why I am writing about Autism again. It
can make us more upset if we have different information on one thing off two or even
several different people. Autism is a life time disability and some people even call it a disorder. Most of us with Autism have learning disabilities. We find it hard to social interact, communicate. We find it hard not to let things get to us, which is
part of our Anxiety. Anxiety also kicks in when a person doesn't feel sure of themselves and the rest the world around them. When something is new whether it's good or bad to friendships/ relationships and or someone has died. For eg; Broken up relationships and deaths can make you feel depressed and as well as angry. Depression can make you feel very low in yourself, lose interest in everything, not wanting to talk to people, a mixer of feeling lonely and wanting to be on ones' own, smoking a lot, drinking a lot, taking drugs, feeling useless and as if the whole world is against you and not wanting to live anymore. Some of us pull out of it, try to help ourselves and get help like counselling for eg; whereas others give up on themselves.

Asperger Syndrome is a foam of Autism in people who have high intelligence but it's also a hidden disability, which means people don't see the problems people have. If
you spend a lot of time with us you will learn that we need more help than you thought. Yet we don't have difficulties in languages. Like expect the unexpected
because these disabilities, illnesses, conditions and disorders can affect different
people in different ways. I have found that I have got better than I used to be since
I have got older but it has been a very slow journey but I don't stop believing in myself and others like me.

Some of us like to spend more time alone, others like people round and some of us can feel like I do a bit of both.
We find it hard to understand people's thoughts and feeling, which may seem selfish but then I am better than I used to be.
We behave in a strange manner without been aware but I have found since I have got older I become more worried and more aware of it knowing off people I've known all
my life have told me.
This can be why we can find hard to make friends but that get better from my experience the more I have been aware of my Autism.
Be also aware of poor eye contract.

Communication Little language, speaking in the same tone, unable to understand meanings of gesture and facial expression, hard to understand jokes, mixing up words like you and I, repeating what they say or and what other people say.
Flapping hands, twirling toes, fixed on the same route round our lives, getting upset by change, sensitive to sound, smell, touch and etc, misunderstanding peoples' thoughts, feelings, actions and etc. Not everyone faces the same all problems so it doesn't make them not Autism depending how many of these problems they do face.

Cause of Autism is unknown yet although in my case it's unknown whether I do
have Autism or not.I guess I'm more than likely Asperger if I am.
I guess just before the 21st century there was a case on the news about the MMR injection to protect Measles/ rubella, what I don't understand how can any learning disability a side - affect in any table, injection or any medicines and ect? If I do have Autism it is caused by what I was born lack of oxygen to the brain so I guess it's possible that MMR causes Autism Spectrum if that's the case.

Chapter five family history.

2011-03-04T06:27:00.000-08:00

My Mother's name is Jane Gorman and my Father's name is Malcolm Marriet, he would be rather called Maxs than Malcolm. My parents met at the Wolverhampton Bowelling Alley in 1968. My Mother was 16 and my Father was 22he'd just finished the Merchant Navy as a cook. They only lasted about 12 mouths together. January 1969, they found out I was on the way, which a big shock to everyone. Mum was a ballet dance teacher while she was carrying me. She taught a child named Sara, which is how she got my name from. Dad moved to London and married someone over there, that lasted 15 years. My half brother Jay was born January 1978. It wasn't only hard on Mum having a child with disabilities but also been a unmarried Mother and her Mother's marriage was breaking down very badly. I think it made my Mother quite strong in the end. Single families were very rare so it was a sin too be too young to have a child and not be married. Now it is more accepted for each child to have different Fathers.

Not long after my birth my Mum became a bar maid at the Giffther Arms pub in Wolverhampton. Later on she was a Manager res of the Wolverhampton Sports and Social club on the B'ham New road, which she enjoyed for many years. Her boss John Russian sent her to work in London, Santa Pod and Derby as a bar maid.
Later she marriage my first step Dad Roy in August 3rd 1984, my step sister Holly was born January 1983, Mum and Roy parted in 1993 and divorced 2003. She marriage for the 2nd time to Warren August 2009.

My great Grandmother's name was Elizabeth Kendrick, she had eight children my Nan was the oldest. There were three girls and five boys. Since Nan died in 2007, there's now two girls five boys. When the 2nd world war 1939 to 1945 broke out my Nan was 8 years old, Nan had to look after the ones who were born at the time because great Gran and Granddad Tom worked very long hours. Great Gran worked in a Sewing factory and great Granddad made Bomb shelters. There were no washing machines, Microwaves and etc like there is today. There could be still a good many back to back houses during the war. No central heating but gas and coal fires.You could still feel very cold drafts under the doors.

In those days great Gran was tall and blond and great Granddad had a thick mass of curly hair but his later years he went bald and he was always thin. He smoked about 40 Woodbine's a day, he loved his garden, tea, arm chair and sleep. He loved it when I rubbed cold tea on his head when I was little because he left his tea far too long. He said to my Nan.

" Let, I'm sure that child has made my hair grow back."

Great Gran and Granddad had only been around 4 years of my life to see me before they both died. I can't remember a lot. I remember walking on Granddad's garden patched without any shoes on socks on. He was growing flowers and veg. Suddenly a bee sting my foot as I screamed he picked me and told that's why I couldn't use his soil as a sandpit. He was more worried about than his flowers and veg. Nan always said he was very fond of me.

Great Gran's last job was a cleaner at the Express & Star Queen Street Wolverhampton. She'd push me in a Sliver Cross pram and dresss me up in bonnets and bows. In her later years she was a very bonnie built lady wearing a blue Flamed turned in glasses 60s style in the 70s.

My Grandparents Letty Kendrick and Ramsey Gorman married in 1949 but I don't know where. It was a marriage that started off from very tall dark, handsome and sun tanned me to spending all his wages in the pub that he needed to keep his wife and family. 20 years of marriage was more than enough for my Nan you will see as you read on.

My great Granny Fiall was Welsh and great Granddad Geogrge was Irish. Believe it or not I don't anyone knows how them two got together. Granddad Georgre's Father was German and he was a tap dancer. Nan got on with Granddad George but not Granny Fiall. Nan said she never kept the house clean and she bet on the horses, I can't remember if Nan she said she drank heavy or not. Nan used to call her a dirty old woman. She must have been a female Step Toe, say no more. It makes you wonder how my great Granddad put with her, mind you divorces were very hard to come back then.

My Granddad bet on the horses too this why my Nan had to work extra hours to feed and clothe Mum and Auntie. Nan ended up wasting loads of food because Granddad never came home from the pub when he promised to. He spoke to Nan with his fists. Nan divorced him after 20 years. My great Grandparents said.

" Your should have divorced him sooner, Let."

As adults Mum and Auntie Vicky must have found it hard to trust people after they had seen what their Father had put their Mother through. I guess it was too easy to feel over protected over your own family, They mainly were with me because of my disabilities.

More or less than 40 years ago support was very little. The only benefit around was Child benefit. Nappies were Terry towelling so if your child had a weak bladder like I had, you were washing nappies for a very long time.I must have been at least five or more when I stopped wetting the bed.

I must have been just after my great Grandparents died when Uncle David my Nan's brother took the family to the caravan in Wales about 1974 to 1975. I think I may have just started school. I had Me seals or chicken poxs. Uncle David only drove as far as the Victoria hotel, which is now the Britannia hotel. I suddenly said.

" Are we nearly there?"
" Are we nearly there?"

Two years before my Mother was born, Nan had a son named Tony. He never lived to have children, sisters, nieces, nephews and etc. Tony would have been 60 last May. Nan said she never forgot when she poked a nappy in his belly by mistake. That haunted her for the rest of her life, she never forgave herself.
One day Nan found Tony choking in his cot, he had German Me seals in his throat and he was fitting. In those days cot deaths were very common and hard to treat. He either diead a week before or after his 1st birthday around the 9th May 1951. Nan died June 2007, she wanted her ashes over him so she got her wish because the family did just that.

After Thomas Part 1

2011-03-03T07:08:00.000-08:00

Video SparkNotes: John Steinbeck's Of Mice and Men summary

2011-02-26T07:27:00.000-08:00

Disability Awareness Project: Anxiety and Depression in the Classroom

2011-02-26T03:55:00.000-08:00

Chapter two What is Autism?

2011-02-25T06:42:00.000-08:00

Autism is a life time learning disability that affects the way people communicate and how they get along with people. Autism can also affect people's awareness making then out to not to care how people are feeling when all it is they aren't aware. It is an unawareness of the big wide world. Not everyone whose has Autism and other disabilities for that matter faces the same problems. An over crowded world can cause a person with Autism Anxiety, it also cause people around them Anxiety too.

People with the Autism Spectrum condition face difficulties that affect their disabilities in different ways. Some people with Autism live independent lives with very little support others 24 hour support but still live in their own homes.

What many people don't understand is there are many disabilities are hidden so people don't think we have as many problems as we have. I have never been diagnosed but my family have read book films on Autism, they have a feeling that I may be. To my knowledge there's only one form of Autism that's a hidden disability but if that's the case I must have some form of Autism.

Some people like myself find it hard to explain what we are trying to say. This can cause a lack of communication and understanding. Yet on the bright side one way or the other we are creative people for eg; me with my writing, I also draw and paint.Through people not understanding you can be misunderstood, this can make you feel unhappy or and even left out of society. This can affect the choices and control people should have over their lives whether they have Autism or not.

Many people with Autism may be affected by sound, tastle, smell, light, colours and etc.

People with Asperger Syndrome are often average intelligence. They have very little problem with speech but they may find it more harder to understand information.

When it comes to support with money there's never a balance. People are either over crowding you or not there at all.

We don't always get the right services to support us. In Wolverhampton there's more support Autistic children than adults.

We don't always get the right support with work, benefits, home and etc.

Travelling.

Autism affects a lot people's lives in different ways. It can either depend on what kind Autism people have got but then no two people with the same Autism may face the same problems like all disabilities. Just except the unaccepted.

I find it hard to cope empty or over crowded people and places. For eg; busy busy airports with information flashing on and off so fast.
I find my way round better in my home area and town. I guess I find it hard to snap out of change and route because I had been over protected for so many years of my life.

Not many people with disabilities such as myself can drive so we have to re lie on public transport. I'm lucky than most some people don't know their about and what bus stop to get on and off. There was once a time I was like that, it took me years to learn it but better late than never.

Some people miss out on going out at night because they don't their way around, they are scared of crime, bullying and Anti - social behaviour. There isn't enough money for Support workers to come out to support at night and many people can't cope their money. Some these things I have problems with myself but not all. With me it's mainly my money.

Employment.

Most employers don't understand learning disability. Not everyone takes note of the Disability Discrimination Act. It's better than it was but we still have a long way to go. People still having to cope with discrimination.

We are still a Health & Safety hazard to employers, when isn't enough funding to support us to be healthy and safe.

Here some of the mistakes employers and the government make.

Not enough support for people who can't use computers.

The government spend the money the least important things.

The government is robbing off the poor instead of the rich.

Not enough support to work to time limits and do the job right.

If you work in the LD field you will need to learn about Accessible Information. For eg; braille and sign language. A lot of people with LD such as myself find too much information and jargon hard and confusing.

The government bors me to tears but I'm a learning disability MP for the People's Parliament supported by a Self - Advocacy group called Changing Our Lives. If anyone has any complaints in the learning field to the Members of Parliament. People with LD, families, carers and etc are welcome to email me on sarajgroman@googlemail.com or sarajanegorman@gmail.com on Facebook.It's my job to find out what the government in Houses of Parliament are playing at.

The world only started learning about Autism in 1943 but it's still isn't known now. The figures are roughly there 500,000 families of people with Autism. Research says it more common in boys than girls.

Different kinds of Autism.

Autism Spectrum isn't all that different to Aspire Syndrome apart from people with Aspire don't appear to have learning disabilities our disabilities are very hidden. It can take a long time for people to learn and understand Aspire. Spectrum is mostly noticed. For eg; they may have major speech problems whereas people with Aspire may have mild speech problems. Both forms of Autism finds it hard to communicate in society, interaction and imagination.

To put a guess on my kind of Autism I think I could be Aspire. I have problems with my hands I find it hard to grip things for eg; opening everyday things like jars and bottles, bad coordination, bad motor skills. This is another hidden disability that hasn't been diagnosed. My Auntie thinks I may have Dyspaxia.

In some ways people with LD are our own doctors because we know how our problems affect our everyday lives.

Many people like myself with possible Aspire stuffer from Dyslexia. I was diagnosed for Borderline Dyslexia because I mostly use my right hand, my left hand is very weak. People tend to think with dyslexia that people can't read and write. That's not true, we just see words, letters and numbers that could be the wrong way round. Like all disabilities dyslexia varies from person not disability to disability. You must excepted the excepted. People with dyslexia do have spelling problems but we can also be misunderstood. Like I said about letters and numbers 28 could be 82. The person with dyslexia will know that certain letters are in a word but written the wrong way round or in the wrong places. Words may be missed out of sentences.

It's possible I may have had ADHD as a child but some may that it's a life time disability. The reason why I say that is because I was very hyperactive as a child. I stuffer from very bad behavior problems, I would have a temper paddies any time any place and anywhere. I would scream any place down. I never used to sleep at night but I couldn't pay attention in the day so I didn't get on very well in school. What calm me down in the end was when the doctors took me off the heavy dose tablets I was, which had been on since birth to 13 years old. I hope Health staff today can become of the side affects a lot of medications can have. One can never be that all the information is right what's put in the packages.

Many people with Autism stuffer Anxiety and depression mainly when we don't feel equal to all people. For eg; not been able to tie your shoe laces as a child at the same time as your school mate. When most children see that they don't want to be your friend, they see you as a bullying target just because you may be different to them.

Autism World.
They say we aren't very good with imagination. Nine out ten children with Autism find it hard to play with other children because we aren't as quick as they are and we don't understand the games like they do. How squib do they think we are? Their lose out when we can make up our games quite happily on our own. Just have our dolls, teddys and etc, they become people we can communicate with. We make up our own stories so in the end people with Autism aren't alone after all. I think this what's made me enjoy writing short stories and poetry today. If we are taken from our world it affects us badly, it's best to let us move on to our new Autism world in our own time. We are slow learner, we get somewhere in the end but whether it's where we want is a different story. I'm still trying to come out of the Autism world now at the age of 41 but it's not very easy. The strange thing is that I don't whether I like the Autism world or yes and no, your alone but no one can answer you back.

The world seems like a mass of people biger, better and quicker than people with Autism. For most of us there comes a time that we learn to understand the world isn't as big or black and white as it seems, it just takes us a long time to understand that. This is what can make it hard for us to get along with people. Some of very slowly learn to understand people and their feelings rather than just our own. Childhood is the worst time from what I faced to not be aware of others. For some of us for at least roughy mid adulthood we learn to understand there are others around us as well as ourselves.

Yet during childhood you live in a world think you are like other children yet not understanding why you are learning slower than other children yet you are still aware learning slowly is most the reason why children may be bullying you. They don't understand why you aren't equal to them because you can't do things at the same speed as them but when you think about as a child you don't understand it either. This is why you think you should be like other children and why shouldn't you be? In the end it's the way life is that causes so much misunderstanding through no one's fault.

It can take people themselves a long time to comes terms to understand they have learning disabilities and they learn slower than other people and with thr right support skills can be achived.

Introduction to me, learning disability and Autism.

2011-02-25T02:11:00.000-08:00

This piece of writing isn't only introducing me, learning disability and Autism. It's introducing the book I want to write on the topic of learning disability and Autism. I started off writing short stories then poetry at the age of 27. I have had a poem published in one each of eleven books, wrote the odd Newsletter reports for a Disability Social club I used to go to in 'The Happy Society in Wolverhampton, another Charity I used to work for called Compton Hospice I did this with family support. I been on a fare few Creative writing course, Script and Screen course in March 2009, Creative writing course supported by Mencap December 2009, Helped out with Penn Hall Special school helping the children with them creating their own Superheroes.

Not forgetting the work I do in the field I'm writing the book about. I mostly speak up for the rights of LD and Autism.I'm a Self - Advocacy group Supporter for Our Shout Self - Advocacy group supported by Royal Wolverhampton Mencap.
As a Learning Disability Awareness trainer I used to have my own small business for a short while called Access All Areas Now!, which shared with Jessica Bromley another person with disabilities. We couldn't get the work, not enough support through the cutbacks and Learning Disability Awareness is still a new field to a lot of services so it's not an easy one to market. We were only earning £20.00 per session due to our benefits.Add on to our pilot, we only earned £80.00. I know it was hard going but if only we there was enough support to keep it going, I was still willing to carry on and Jessica was in two minds because she had a lot more other pieces of work than me and didn't time to run it with me.

I'm 41 yrs old, I been writing since I was 23 at the beginning of 1993. I just started started to recover from Cancer of the Throat. I was staying with my Gran. I was watching a report on the ten O, clock news when I had heard the Elderly and Disabled homes closing, which upset me badly. This made me think about the writer Charlies Dickens who wrote about children who were orphans. I gabbed a pen and paper because I was board. Listening to the news made me want to write about people and animals worse off than myself. I wanted to raise money to the ones than need it most but through what I earned with my writing. This is still what I'm working towards now at the age of 41. My aim has always been to write about any subject that comes to mind and work hard to interest my readers the best I can.
I haven't had a great deal luck having support for writing and publishing. It would be most helpful to know what you think this piece of writing thank you. sarajgorman@googlemail.com or on Facebook sarajanegorman@gmail.com

I'm hoping to introduce myself as a person as well as a person with Autism other learning disabilities and a writer. At the same time I will work hard to interest my readers. I started writing this book as my life story 18 years ago, which hasn't been published. Now I thought about linking up the Autism with it, which is the main the learning disability I have to live with. Autism is a disability hard to understand and the world needs to understand it more. As for writing my first book, I feel it's important for my readers to get to know me first. This book is about the past, present, future dreams and to help others like me as well as worse off than me.

I just may not get published as the publishing field is very hard but even harder when you have disabilities and not the right support.
My idea of writing this book is for readers who are interested in learning disability and Autism, people themselves, families, carers, friends, students and people who work in the field of learning disabilities. I Will be also linking this to my life story. I understand that's there's people worse off but I want to help to things better for like me than what I had and I have got.

I will tell you how Autism and my other disabilities have affected my life. We understand the world isn't perfect but we should be able to access more than what we do. We understand that today's cutbacks is making life even harder. I will tell you the good and the bad from my experience but I dare say there are other people and writers like me who experience different things.

Most of can't live an equal life to other people going through nursery, school, college, work, home, family, friendships, relationships and etc.I want to work hard to see that people with LD are able access as many things as possible with the right support. Life is hard for you but there a lot of things we can't access without support.Most of us can't live equal lives because we are over protected by society.

When I say about learning disability and Autism many people like myself have other disabilities as well as Autism.
The world is either a lonely or over crowded place, which many people like myself with Autism find hard to cope with.
I will do my best in this book to tell you what expect from people with disabilities and Autism from my own experience but others like me or not much different may tell you some different about their experiences. If you look at different websites of Autism there are different kinds of Autism. Bare in mind that someone with the same Autism as me may not experience the same things so it is and isn't depending on what kind of Autism people have got. WWW.nas@nas.org.uk that's the National Autism Society.

The Update for the Health play.

2011-02-20T23:49:00.000-08:00

I had just had my operation, I still wasn't feeling myself, I felt weak and light headed.

I was lyeing in bed calling the nurse to go to the toilet. Clock shows 6 O'clock.

"Nurse, nurse, I need the toilet."

I got out of bed, I was giddy as I fell over a pile of bed pans and I was shouting.
No one took any notice.

If no one is coming I will have to go myself, I need the toilet."

I passed out as vaious people walked passed me.

When the nurse finely found me she notice my chin was bleeding.

" Are you ok? Let's get you back into bed."

"You chin is bleeding."

"Oh goodness, I'm dripping."

"Let's clean up your chin!"

It wouldn't stop bleeding.

"I'm still bleeding, nurse."

"Oh it will be ok, it's only a little cut."

The showed 12.00pm.

Nurse comes over to the bed.

"I'm still bleeding."

"Whoops, maybe we should get the doctor to look at it.

My chin had been bleeding for 6 hours because I wasn't listened to.

learning disability week - bullying video

2011-01-30T16:45:00.000-08:00

Learning Disability week 2011 Bullying and Hate Crime.

2011-01-29T05:21:00.000-08:00

Chapter six Introducing Learning disability, Anti - bullying and Hate Crime.

Mencap are worried about people with LD getting bullied. Mencap's support goes out to the families and carers of LD as well as the people themselves. Bully and Hate Crime can happen all people but people with LD find it harder to report a crime. A crime either gets not believed or not told at all. When a is not reported or not believed bullies get away with it and carry on bullying, this isn't what we want. Bully and Hate crime affect lives but for people with LD and Mental Health problems we can become more and stressed than other people. In Mencap's Health research people with LD are 58 times likely to die before the age 50 than other people. As I said in my learning disability chapter stress is the worst killer of all.

I had only gone to one Main Stream school in my life and three Special schools. I was bullied at every school I went to. I was even known as the teachers pet, if I saw a member of staff around I'd walk around with them I found it hard to understand right from wrong, I found it hard to make myself understood, I found it hard to understand others their feelings. I faced school where children picked on one an other's disabilities. This is where children with LD need LD awareness too. This education and training needs to go out all people all ages in all places. What makes it hard today is a lack of punishment, which causes more crime in and out school. Many think schools are the only places that bullying takes place, that's not true. It can happen at home, college, work placements and etc. Many will bullying people if they have been bullied themselves or and if they are going through stress they will take out on others. There's no excuse but then with today's credit crunch and things like that it's not uncommon. The most common bullying is over people's beliefs, disbelief's, race, choices and control. We need more education and training to accept people's choices yet in some cases people have no choice it can be just the way we are or just the way things are. Jealously has always been the most common reasons for people to bully people and guess it always will. This is where there should be counseling for people who feel angry enough to take things out others in order to stop them taking it out on others. The may well be out there but than can depends on others helping themselves by getting that help.

In today's world there's not a lot to do for young people, which can make them cause bullying and crime towards other people. Bullying is Hate Crime. With the cutbacks for example more and more jobs going and college courses cutting back so that means more people hanging around on the streets bothering harmless people.

People all have feelings we are all human beings. Why can we respect one another or keep away from one another?

People with LD should educate and train other people around LD awareness in all topics.

People who have been bullied are more than welcome to tell stories of been bullied if you want whether you have LD or not. Please email me on sarajgorman@googlemail.com or a private message on Facebook sarajgorman@gmail.com. There are many counselling services and charities you can find out about on the Internet today.

No one is force to tell their story my email addresses are their just you want to. You may well be an open person who likes to get things off your chest or you'd rather keep it inside yourself. It doesn't do you any good to keep things inside yourself but I respect your choice. I will keep things private if you tell me unless you want me to say anything to anyone.

It's important that adults take more time to listen to children mainly when they have LD. From childhood to adulthood is a long time to not be listened to. Voices to and understood so take more time. People with LD find it hard to make ourselves understood.

One subject we hate talking about is abuse but if we keep things inside ourselves it won't do us any good and a lot of abusers will carry on abusing. There must be loads of abusers and bullies who have never been caught because they know or sense that a lot of their victims have disabilities and Mental Health problems. It isn't just people with LD who are scared to report crime, crime is an upsetting experience for all people. As a child it can be hard to understand what's happened to you but be on your mind for life. Everyone has the rights to know what's happened to them. We shouldn't have to education children on unheard things but they should have every right to use their voice, otherwise it's not good for their minds.

People with LD are looked upon as slower and weaker than other people. Our voices never seem to get heard but we never seem to get seen either that's why we aren't always believed. We shouldn't have to be scared of anyone no matter how old we are. We shouldn't have to be scared of telling anyone anything that we want to tell. In the eyes of the courts and law we aren't believed mostly. There's not a lot of money in the world to have cameras everywhere.

These things can make you feel ashamed and dirty even though it not your fault. Crime can affect your mind and your life. People can suffer stress, Anxiety, depression and etc You suffer flash back, nightmares or and sleepless nights. Even worse for people who suffer Epilepsy and panic attacks.

Most people with learning disabilities face bully and hate crime more than other people.With having LD myself and having been bullied myself, very shocking bullying stories that happen to people with LD wouldn't surprise me to be true. Bullying and hate crime is the topic of learning disability week in June 2011

All Mencaps round the UK want to raise Learning Disability, Bullying and Hate Crime awareness. We want to cut down or even better stop crime. Life is hard as it is with out bullying and crime. Most people with LD can't stick up for ourselves.

Different eg; of bullying.

psychical bullying

hitting
beating
punching
kicking

Threatening bullying

Internet
emails
texts
letters
notes
messages
phone calls
Name calling
Swearing

Nine times out of ten bullying leads to crime. Not many people with LD know how to get help before it gets worse.
Not many people whether they have LD or not pulled through bullying and crime.
If your a soldier in the war if you pull through you are very often injured for life.
This can be the same as bullying and crime.
War can have an affect on the body and mind just like bullying and crime.

Most people with LD find it hard to make ourselves understood and believed.
Out of all bullying and crime abuse is the hardest thing to explain, understand or and believed mainly when you have LD. This is one of the caused to why bullies have got away with bully and crime. Nine out of ten times People with LD are the mostly are easy led because we get scared easy.

eg; of affects.
Bullying and crime can affect bodies, minds and lives. Behaviors and attitudes problems, bad memories can get people give flash backs, nightmares and even led people to taking their own lives if no one there's not any or enough help.

Bullying and crime can have big affects everyday lives mostly when you have to face your bully a lot.

People with LD understand that it doesn't just happen to people with LD.
People with LD find harder to tell people what happened.
This is why people with LD are mis under stood and dis believed the most.

What makes it harder is that a crime isn't be lived unless it's seen.
No one lies when they have been through bullying and crime.

When we are not under stood nothing gets done.

Bully's get away with what they have done.

There's nothing worse than been scared to do what you want.
Instead of having to be scared of bully's.
Why do all human beings have to live our lives in fear of bullying and crime?

To find out how many people with LD face bullying and hate crime in the UK, type Mencap in your search engine.WWW.mencap.org.uk or the Mencap website is linked on to my website.

Why don't people report bullying and hate crime?

Bully and crime is hard to report anyway but if you have LD it's even harder. For eg; when I told the teacher in school I was bullied by the same children even harder.
I was called teacher's pet and everything.

Some things you go through are hard to explain and also very upsetting.
Like I said about the bullies you can be scared of getting hurt again by the same people because you told the police, they didn't understand you.

The bullies will bully and laugh more if you have LD because they know you were di believed or and mis under stood or you didn't report it.
Not every bullying and crime is seen so it's not always be leaved.
Bullying and crime can happen any time any place and anywhere.
Bullying mostly happens in schools.
Children only don't only have to set one another the same then it can set them off to bullying one.
A lot of people with LD find it hard to not lets things get to us so things could be playing on our minds a lot longer for us than you

We may have cameras but not everywhere.
Mostly bullies only bully when your not with anyone.
You can't always be with people.

We need to work harder to listen to people with LD. There could be too many bullies getting away with crime and bullying.
There hasn't been enough support for people with LD to report crimes.
There could be bullies who could have got away with bullying and crime for years.
These bullies could have bullied many people by now with and with out LD.
They think that they can get away with it.
They will get away with bullying for life if we don't start listening to their victims.
Let's not let them get away with it any longer.
Let's work hard to stop new crimes and bullying scenes happening.
We should start being aware that these things do happen.
Take time to see that people with LD can say what they want to say rather than pushing us away.
Most people with learning disabilities will need support in court too.

Our Shout News 2011

2011-01-21T02:05:00.000-08:00

Those of most of you who are on Facebook may be aware that Mencap have chosen Bully and Hate Crime for Learning Disability week 2011, which is in mid to late June 2011. I am volunteer group support for Mencap's Self - Advocacy group Our Shout. I will be support someone in the group to set the Bully and Hate Crime topic. Last June I supported this person in a meeting gave him a choice of his own topic, he chose bullying and hate crime so he's setting a piece of work for the members of the group and himself to do.

Sadly Access All Areas Now! is coming to an end due to cuts but I am looking for some employment paid employment to support people with disabilities or and something to do with writing. There wasn't enough support for me and Jess my business partner to get any work coming in. Services that support us there jobs are on the line too. If the cuts have any affect on your life, your more than welcome to send me an email if you want me to.sarajgorman@googlemail.com

Poems 2011

2011-01-15T09:27:00.000-08:00

Miss you.

Doesn't matter where I am at what time your always on my mind.
I'm listening out for my phone counting minutes days and hours when I could see you again.
When I walk around the round town hoping to see you without been planned it very rarely happens.
Sometimes I eat too much other times I eat too little.
Some nights I have very little sleep because I can't stop thinking about you.
Some nights I sleep too much, I can't stop dreaming about you.
I miss you so much.
Everyday my feelings get stronger and stronger for you but I can face you in a calm way.
You know how I feel about you, don't you?
I don't have to say three words.
I understand that it's not just my feelings that count it's yours too. 15.1.2011

Time.

Time seems like forever with and without you.
When I'm without you it seems as if I'm never you going to see you again but I know I will.
I never knew what love was until I met you.
I thought love was seeing your lover every night and day.
Now I realise how much I do love someone, baby he is you.
Time is painful without you but happiness is when I see you in private.
Time makes me want you more.
When I see you I want you even more.
My world is dark without you.
Nothing and no one is going to take away how I feel about you.
We open our minds when we both want to.
Your always inside my private mind, only time will tell.
I will never give up you unless you give up on me my love no matter what happens.
I listen out for my phone.
When I stay in odd nights I listen out for my door.15.1.2011

If anyone wants to send me a poem, please send on my email address sarajgorman@googlemail.com, you can type it on the Readers and Writer's group site or may even want it on my website please say if you do.

Disability, Bullying and Hate Crime.

We are seen but not heard.
It's hard to believe if you don't see.
It's hard to know what's happened when your not there.
People with learn ing dis a Billi ties find it hard to make our selves under stood.
We can't help the way we are.

Most things are hard to talk about it can be hard to get things off our minds.
It can be hard to get Hate Crime off our minds.
People who do Hate Crime should get a life time.
Most people who bully as children do Hate Crime as adults.
Most people today get away with bullying and Hate Crime because the law lets them.
There used to be a time that children were taught to learn right from wrong.
People who bully and do Hate Crime get away with it forever or for a long time.

Just because people don't see us get hurt it doesn't mean we don't.

You see some of us can't stand up for ourselves.
Not many of us who can stand up for our selves.
Those of us who do manage to stand up for our selves get mis under stood for the bullies.
The world thinks we are bullies instead of victims.
People who bully and or do hate crime don't always get found out.
20.1.2011

Strange.

The world dull no one knows on one.
People are there but no one is there.
No one believes anyone.
No one trusts one another because no one knows no one.
No one knows what say to to anyone.
Everyone is scared of one another because it's hard to trust one another.
Not enough love for one another anymore.
The world was once a world everyone knew everyone now no one knows no one.
No one knows what to say so no one says nothing but we are so scared of one another.
The world is quiet but noise with shouting and crime.
The world feels strange yet it shouldn't feel strange feeling strange these days.
The way the world is going these days it will get strangers all the time.
Not enough punishment.
Not enough respect.
Not enough manners.
There was a time that the bad was very few and far between.
There was never a perfect was and will be a perfect but not as bad a this.
It makes it hard to believe that it will get better but never put a guest on anything the world isn't all black and white.19.2.2011

Autism world is strange.

Autism is a feeling the world over crowding you.
When your feeling as if your in prison but your not.
When your free your not free.
The world and it's people seem bigger, smaller and better than you.
Everyone seems to have better chances, choices and control better than you.
Everyone has an education, job, family, lover, child, home, social life but not you.
Even if and when you have those things you always feel useless as if your spoiling someone Else's life because you need their support.
The world blind to see what depending on the rest of the world feels like.
The world is telling us what to do because we support, as adults we still feel like children.
As an adult you feel more useless when people are saying what you can and can't do.
Ok Autism affects our lives but with right support we will get through.
The world is lonely even when it's full, we must keep travelling in hopes loneliness and an over crowded world is no more.
We can only hope but life goes on.
We mustn't thing bad of life all the time.
Even when out seeing millions of people it's still a lonely world in a lonely room.
When people are there they may as well not be but even more lovely without them whether they are strange or not.
They are living in different world to Autism world.
We never stop believing in ourselves, despite the world over crowding and closing us in. 19.2.2011

You left me in darkness.

You left me in darkness.
You left me alone.
Every leaf blew off the tree after you had gone.
I blew you away without meaning to I thought but we should have stayed away from one another.
The heartache I had before you I took out on you.
I shouldn't have worried about other people's heartaches then it wouldn't have gone on to us.
I only should have thought about you and me.
I drove you away then you came back to me.
I tried my best to keep us together again.
I suddenly realised I was with a guy who didn't know who and what he wanted in his life.
Walking away wasn't an easy thing to do when I loved you so much.
I knew I had to make that move because you were breaking my heart.
I knew you were playing games with my mind.
What did I do wrong last time?
It was good thinking anything was going to change because you would keep changing your mind forever.
You didn't love me or hate me, you just wanted to mess up my mind.
It was no use carrying on because we were just hurting one another.
I still care about you but everything I touch I seem to break. 19.2.2011

It doesn't seem what it's feels.

It's seems like darkness with no brightness.
It's seems as if love isn't going to happen.
Yet I feel so much love towards you.
I'm missing you so much.
Giving up on you seems and feels very hard for me to do.
Days and nights without you seem as if I'm never going to see you again.
It's a lonely world without you but nothing and no one can take away how I feel about you.
Every day and night my feelings are too strong to let go. 20.2.2011

When I see you.

When see you, you brighten up my world.
You make my day and night.
When I'm not seeing you the world is strange, dark and dull.
I never give up, I can take the pain of not seeing you as long as it takes because I love you for you. 20.11.2011

It's not easy.

I try not to feel too close to you but that not easy to do.
At the same time I understand your world isn't all round me.
I understand that you may not love forever, it's to believe a lovely guy like you ever will.
It's me whose in the wrong, my feelings towards you are hard to control.
The fact I see you less I want you more.
I want you to have what you want in life but my love is too strong.
Nothing lasts forever but how long I feel this way towards you I don't know.
I keep preparing myself for you to break my heart, I should know what to expect because it's happened to me so many times before.
No matter how many times I try it's like I never learn.
I have so much trust in you but the future is unknown.
Like I have said before I'm not building my hopes up but never say never.
This is where I keep trying to prepare myself for whatever happens. 20.2.2011

Love puts a trap inside you.

It can be hard to stop love putting a trap inside you.
Once you have those feelings for someone love comes and goes when it wants to.
There are times you need to let go but it's not easy to do so.
Sometimes love won't let go of you no matter what's going on around you.
It's like a drug bit ting inside you.
Your love may not feel the same for the person you love anymore but your feelings of love Carry's on as long as it wants to.
When your feelings of love is left behind it keeps bit ting back at you.
Hurts so bad it cuts you like a knife.
For love to go it takes as long as it takes.20.2.2011

Feelings.

What do I wrong?
I easy full in love.
I'm not perfect.
I try my best.
The wrong thing I do is love you too much yet there shouldn't be anything wrong.
Yet loving you seems the right thing to do because loving you is where my feelings lye.
No matter how hard to I try to not get close to you, my love is far too strong not to.
I should be able to understand your feelings too.
I can't except you to love me forever.
I should know because no one has loved me forever yet. 20.2.2011

Lovers friends.

We are friends but I love you more.
I feel myself getting more closer to you.
Even though I don't see a lot of you my feelings are growing more and more towards you.
It's really hard because I can't expect to feel the same way not forever anyway.
No one knows how long my feelings towards you will last.
We are lovers who don't have a great deal of a chance to discover one another.
How long I feel the way I do I can't say.
Like I say my feelings are growing everyday.
Life is a long or a short journey so is love.
I can't say how long it will take to begin or end.

Change.

I never used to know what you wanted.
I never used to know what mood you were in one minute to the next.
You could change your mind more times than you change your socks.
One minute you loved me next minute you didn't but I did always loved you.
Now I can't seem to love you anymore, may be that's a good thing as you hurt too many times in 13 and a half years or more.
The way you changed your mind drove me up the wall yet I loved you so much I could take anymore.
The more I loved you the more you hurt me, you just made me more and unhappy in the end but lovely in the beginning.
Now that I have moved on it's now your lost world.
You should have made the most of me while I was there.
If you love me now it's far too late. 20.2.2011

Missing you.
Days and nights are dark without you.
I miss you even more when the rain falls as my tears cry without you.
The skies seem dull and grey without you.
Slowly you and the warm sun is coming my way.
It's seems like a never ending journey without you.
It seems as if I'm never going to be with you.
Yet my feelings are growing more and more towards you.
I know your not very far away but you seem a million miles away. 20.2.2011

Will it end?

Will it end my friend?
Our companionship.
Our love.
Talking about the good and bad parts of life.
Listening and understanding one another.
A friendship that grows into love may grow out.
There's plenty of happiness and smiles when I'm with you.
Plenty of sadness tears when I'm without you but my love is too strong to give up. 20.2.2011

You found me.

I saw you.
You saw me but we didn't know one another.
My world was dull after losing my last love at least I thought it was.
You and me took a while to speak then we spoke.
We seemed to get along as good friends, little I thought there would be a bit more.
I thought you would have been married with kids but I was still unsure of my thoughts.
I didn't want to upset a happy home.
When you first paid interest me, it was very sudden I didn't how to respond.
Now my feelings towards you are growing so strong I don't want to lose you.
I love you far too much despite your hard situation.
Your a lovely looking guy who can choose any girl you want.
I can understand why any girl would love you.
My fear is that my heart could break.
I really should stay away but my love for you is now far strong to let go. 20.2.2011

Fed up of guys.

Fed up of guys going after me, I'm not that special am I?
They are never there when I'm alone only when I am with someone.
Yet I am mostly alone these days they are here when I don't want them near.
There's only one person I love and he is you.
The only thing about lonely love is you can't get rid of the guys you don't love. 20.2.2011

Entertantment.

2011-01-07T07:35:00.000-08:00

My first working project of the new year is Art leisure which I have asked to do from a Disability Arts company called working parts. We are interested to find out what kind of arts and entertainment people with disabilities like to watch and listen to. We are asking how you like to access arts and entertainment? DVDS, CDS, books and etc. How we make information easy for you to read and listen to? For eg; easy words and pictures.

We would like to find out about special offers and discounts for people with disabilities who would like to listen or and even watch arts and entertainment.

May be you would like to go out but something is stopping you? You may not have enough support or there may be transport problems and etc. We may be able to help you if you tell us.

You may be able to tell us what kind of arts and entertainment you like.
We can also find out about kind entertainment there is.

We will also look Disabled Access in different places, if will be a big help to us if you tell us what will make life easy for you. How we make Disabled Access easy for you?

Part of my work of arts and entertainment for Working Parts.

We would like know how many people with LD have and have,'t been the thereat, pictures, gig and etc?

Where did you go?

Who or and what did you see?

Did you enjoy it?

How did you find the prices?

How did you find the Disabled access?

Is there anything that needs to get better in future, if so how, why and what?

We are aware that Wolverhampton Mencap and Royal Wolverhampton Mencap have cutback on most Leisure projects. We would like know about if the cuts have any affects on your social life. If you would like to take part with this project by giving us the information we have asked for. We are interested in whether or not the social of lives of learning disabilities need to get better. If you have a story you would like to whether you someone with LD, family member, parent, parents carer, support worker or and etc. Please email myself on sarajgorman@googlemail.com

We are also aware that Wolverhampton and Royal Wolverhampton Mencap have had to cutback on some lesure projects, we would like to know how these cut backs have affect your social lives.

Creative writing tips.

2011-01-02T04:26:00.000-08:00

Welcome to the first piece of work on this website of 2011.

TO HELP READERS AND OR WRITERS.

The first thing I can across when I started my creative writing course my early to mid twenties was free writing. One thing that can't be taken away is what goes on into inside the mind. The reason for that is because the mind thinks about things but we all need to respect that some things we think are best kept to ourselves. Other things need to be taken off our chest. This can all depend on what makes you happy on how to clear your mind, whether it's talking, writing or both. This may depend what's on your mind. I find when I'm writing things down my mind thinks fast. I have to worry about what it looks like down on paper after I have written otherwise my mind is blank. If you feel the need to write and you have a lot on your mind that you want to get out, if you feel it's something want to write then just write. Don't worry about spelling, grammar and etc until you can proof read it. I have an understanding with people who are dyslexic because I am that you may need someone to help you proof your work because I do. Here's a piece of my free writing.

NEW YEAR DIARY ENTIRELY.

All of a sudden I can feel myself changing and slowly getting stronger in myself since I have been over 40. I have always been out every week even if it's been out to the pub or to visit a friend. I still love going out but over Christmas and the bad weather I have learned how to stop in to do things on the computer, Internet, watch movies and drink a glass of wine. Hopefully by watching movies I will learn more about writing. I have enjoyed stories like Lost World, Call In The Wind and Treasure Island. It has only been the last six to twelve mouths I have done a lot of reading, such books like Wuthering Heights, Flowers in the Adit and ect.

When it comes to love I'm now happy to have friendship. A love that I see ever so often whereas I used to like seeing my lover every night. I learned it spoiled my relationship in end because I was seeing him every night.

Piece may call this a piece of journal writing rather than a new year diary entirely.

One the main tips that may help you to create your story, piece of writing or whatever it may be is.

Taste
Sense
Smell
Sight
See
Feel
Touch

Plot is a plan with your ideas of your story, poem and etc.
Create what happened, how, why and who. You will have to think about whether your story is in the past, present and future. Your time and place.
The hardest thing I find when I am doing a piece of writing when I go to get my characters talking is voice. I am thinking that I should starting watching listening to movies, programmes and soaps on the Internet and dvds.

A happy atmosphere two lovers, two best friends, family members getting together.

Rows, clashes and ect.
Purposes and reasons.
What was the row over?
It could be over work, home, family, friends or and kids.
Sometimes a row can go into far causing a fire or a car through water.
Police, ambulance and causalities.
How many people alive and how many dead.

Character study

Name

Age

Job, career, study

Schools

Style

Nature

Leisure

Aims

Fear

Family

Past

What they hear, smell taste, touch, feel and etc.

Bring out the main character.

You may learn more of those kind of words on creative writing courses, workshops and etc. Those kind of words can give some kind of boast for your story,for eg I can sense a rat. That can be a saying someone doesn't have a good feeling something or someone. There may be so many different words for those kind of things. A Thesaurus is a great word for using one word for another. You may be looking for a short word for a long word. For eg; conflict clash. Words like conflict and clash you may use a lot in a story. I tried to tell the children at Penn Hall school that nothing can be all bad or all good in a story you need to have good and bad to make story interesting.

DISCRIMATION IN THE NIGHT CLUB.

2010-12-28T09:34:00.000-08:00

Susan used to go a night club called the Darkhouse in Wolverhampton. She used to go with her three friends June, Dave and Jack. Susan in the night club them for six to twelve mouths.
Susan had epilepsy, her fits were really bad but they didn't stop her from living her life. Susan mostly drank soft drinks, she didn't drink a lot of beer due to her tablets.
One night Susan went out for a cigarette as normal. Even though she had had been drinking soft drinks she still managed to have a very bad fit. John the manager happened to spot Susan on the floor as he was on the way to a cigarette but in his mind she was blind drunk. John told the bouncer Bob that Susan was bared and he rang the ambulance.

" That young lady is blind drunk, she's bared."

When the ambulance driver came he checked Susan over.

" Excuse me sir, the young lady has had a very bad fit."

John wouldn't agree with the ambulance driver.

" I've had enough of this girl not spending enough money in here." said John

" Excuse me, Sir you get on with your job and I will get on with mine."

John's face went very long as he listened to the truth that hurt him.

Suddenly June, Jack and Dave came to look for Susan because she was longer than normal and hadn't said goodbye. No one had bothered to tell them that Susan was ill.
John told June that Susan was bared.

" I'm going in the ambulance with Susan, she's my friend." said June

The next day June had to tell Susan about her been bared.

" It rightly doesn't surprise me as I haven't spend enough money in there."
" That's not the only reason Susan, John thought you were blind drunk last night."
" Tell me something new, June I'm used to discrimination."
"It doesn't make sense Susan, soft drinks are cheaper than beer in the Darkhouse, you mostly buy soft drinks but the manager said your blind drunk but then he's saying your not spending enough."

Both Susan and June were both confused to why Susan had been bared. Yet they had both worked out that Susan had been discrimination but John the manager didn't like to say in case he and his business got sused. They both guessed is it was because of Susan's disability. Susan was hurt but accepted the reason why at the same time but she hated been discriminated.

This is based on a true story but the true story is not a bad as the fiction story. It proves that there are all different kinds of discrimination in different situations some are worse than others. I want to make the world aware that anything is possible but some forms of discrimination's are worse than others in different if not all situations.

Farly tale idea for the Writers and Readers group.

2010-12-12T07:44:00.000-08:00

Possible ideas for writers in a writing mood. This may or may not interest you. I also have ideas of books for you to read whether you are a writer or not, which is there if you want to go along with it.

Try to think of a world that's not possible to live in, many of us try to guess what life would be like if it was. Think of a world where everything is changing into anything.

Humans living animal lives.

Animals living human lives.

Objects living human or and animal lives.

Books to read.

The Invisible man H'G Wells.

Alison in Wonderland/Through the looking glass. Lewis Caroll.

Black Beauty Anne Sewell.

Alice In Wonderland

2010-12-12T07:17:00.000-08:00

When one of the children from Penn Hall school wanted one their Superheroes as Able Mable, I thought myself that I had heard of that character before. Although it's only these days I have started reading more, I never used read much before I had heard about Mable in one story but whether it was Able Mable I'm sure. Now after having finished Black Beauty I'm now reading Alice in Wonderland, which I started last night I read about Mable in their but whether it's Able Mable I don't know.

Granddaddy Who

2010-12-07T06:34:00.000-08:00

I was in the sixth form of Penn Hall school twenty - five years ago. I have found it hard to tie my shoe laces all my life, this no fun at all.

Getting ready for swimming and PE was a big nightmare in school.

All of a sudden Mrs Hard shouted at me.

" Come along child, I want everyone in the mini bus!"

I lost my temper because she was in a rush but she wouldn't help me tie my shoe laces.

" Can you help me, please Miss."

" No you should know how to get yourself ready at your age."

Granddaddy Who casted a nasty spell on Mrs Hard with his magic walking stick.

All of a sudden a old man with a bald head with glasses, he was holding a magic walking stick.

He came from just thin air out of the ceiling.

" My name is Granddaddy Who, now Mrs Hard you tie your shoes!"

Mrs Hard jumped out of her skin with shock, as Granddaddy who came down from the the ceiling she came up to the ceiling, she had out gone out of thin air.

"Ow." Screamed Mrs Hard

Granddaddy Who had magic Superhero powers.

Able Mable turned into Marvellous Mable.

2010-12-04T01:45:00.000-08:00

Able Mable turned into Marvellous Mable, she had a magic table.

Marvellous Mable made people's dreams come true, at Penn Hall School so long ago.

The magic table turned into a rowing boat that ran down the stream, if you know what I mean.

A fish jumped into the boat as I screamed.
A very heavy rain full came down as a sudden sound and flash of lighting, as I jumped I got soaking wet.
The boat turned into a racing car as I drove very fast, then it turned into a plane, as the plane I blew up into a puff of smoke.

All of a sudden we had gone into thin air.

Marvellous Mable had magical Superhero powers.

Writer's block.

2010-11-27T06:55:00.000-08:00

If you want to do a piece of writing and your stuck for ideas what to write, here are ideas that may or may not interested you.

May be you would like to write about a place or a town that means something to you.

architecture, traffic, gardens and the atmosphere.

The neighbourhood and local characters that make the atmosphere.

A building in the town that interests you for whatever reasons.

It could be an old picture house, town hall, church or shop.

Smells, colours and noises.

It may be the country side, landscape, hills wood and etc.

Seaside place you like noises, smells and etc.

It can be set at any time and at place anywhere. ( past present or even something you may picture for the future.) From say millions of years ago to what's happened just this minute.

I moved back to Wolverhampton from Shorpshine and Wales 17 yrs ago. I was on an adult training scheme which was based in Low hill, Fall ens park Wolverhampton. To find the place was a big maze going through 1st Avenue, 2nd Avenue and etc. The strange thing was I just started writing yet without even hearing about the poets such as Keats, Wordsworth and all them there were roads in Fall ens park named after them.

In 1997, I had a very bad relationship break up just as a lot of us do. I was a student at the time studying creative writing and English. During lunch break after a lot of study in the library.I started looking at the poetry books without thinking about it. I picked John Keats I didn't put down until the end it inspired me that much.He wasn't going through anything much to what I was going through at the time.
Before I read his poems, I thought I was the only one going through pain. When I finished reading I found myself having to write, I felt as if so many things that were going through my head, I hadn't said. When I started writing little did I realize my work would turn into poet, this was when I started to feel as if things were coming off my mind and that I was slowly on the mend moving on from my failed relationship.

Due to how my disability used I was slowly learning managed to take information in.
I knew it connected with what I was going through but it was one of early stages of my writing career.

I had a poem written in each of 11 books by a publishers called Poetry Now but my Mother thought they had ribbed me off. I haven't had any luck with publishing since then due to a lack of support. The poems that I did have published on are on this website but I started this website in 2007 so it will mean you looking through three years of work I have done on here.

Here are some possible topics you may be interested in case you want to write today, any time or day. You can write about yesterday's topic if you want, you don't have to follow this in order if you don't want. You don't have to go along with what I say at all, it's there in case it helps you. You don't even have to join the writer's group if don't want.

May be you may want to write about who and or what inspired you to write.

Creating your own superhero, someone who brings out the good.
Someone who saves yours or Someones live.
It can be fiction or non - fiction, true is non - fiction not true is fiction for those who don't know that.

Write a lonely hearts report.

Write something about learning disability, other races and it's history.

At the moment I am reading the diary of Anne. She would have been two years older than my Grandmother.They were both children in world war 2. The war broke out when my Nan was eight, she told me about it when I was eight, which I didn't understand at first due to my disability. As much as I understood that the men died in the war and that we wouldn't have been born if it wouldn't have been for them. This is the reason why people wear poppies. Nan put a poppy on my coat and said.

" This isn't just a flower but a flower of memory."

Wars are hard times for everyone but If Nan had it as bad as Anne Flank, the rest of my family and myself wouldn't be here today. When I read Anne Flank's diary I think of my Nan, as if she was writing a diary because I remember her telling me what growing in the war was like. I don't think Nan had time to keep a diary when she had to look after her seven brothers and sisters while my great Grandparents were working. My Nan was the eldest of eight. Saying that my Nan loved her reading, she'd knit, watch telly, do the crossword, keep an eye on us the Grandchildren at the same time. I thought I could get away with been naughty, little did I know that Nan had eyes at the back of her head.

Today we have computers, Mobile phones, washing machines, inside toilets and etc. There was none of that back then. We moan about today's cutback but for eg; having to go to toilet outside must have been worse. As for the cutbacks, I think we have been a bit too greedy with too much IT, which they didn't have. For eg; it's easy access for us today get help with our sums where as one time we used to have to use our brains. It's now becoming a lazy world, we don't know how lucky we are in someways but in another ways we are unlucky because a lot of the hard times made us stronger people as grow ups strong to life in a lot of ways. For eg; learning to understand right from wrong.

War is a nasty thing, we are all human at the end of day. People understand we can't have it all easy otherwise wouldn't be strong but race make us all different people.
If we were all the same it would a boring world.Some things people are born to be, other things people choose to be, let's not hold these things against them and give them the same rights as everyone in the world. Most people may need support to have their choices, for eg; people with learning disabilities, where there's a will there's a way without taking away peoples' chooses away.

Everyone should have equal rights. Every person is a human beings, the likes of Hitler shouldn't have taken people's rights and lives away from them.

May be you could write a bit of history on any topic you want to write about. It may be worth looking into your family history if that cornets with what your writing about, your choice.

What I have learned from this long week at Penn Hall school is how to please children when they are reading stories. Every child had to create their superhero and story, I just had to put it into the story. I wasn't only adult with disabilities who worked with the children, there adults with all kinds of creative abilities who interested the children to their talents too. It was a great experience for me, I hope it was a great experience for the children. I found Monday morning, may be it was the Monday morning blues with the teenage six form. I had to go through the hows, wheres, whats, whys and etc to help them create their superhero stories in an easy way as possible, we got there in the end, which was no more hard than the other artists had to go through. They didn't seem to understand the differences between real life and protein, I also told them that fiction can be based on truth. It's all confusing in different ways but a lot of us were taught like weren't we? The main thing was they tried their best and did really well, I can really enjoy it and I hope they did. Having had learning disabilities myself I can relate to how my understanding was at that age it wasn't that much different to there's. Even though I'm older now than I wasn't then I haven't forgotten if even thought I have bettered myself over the years, well I hope I have anyway.

What we all have learned in life that not all of us can get on, some situations you may come across in work, school, college and etc. The hardest part was getting to see that in class or work you don't show what's outside. For eg; if one child couldn't get along with the other they thought they could show that in their work. Their teacher even said they find it hard to understand team work and it's not fare on the others who are working with them when there's an unhappy atmosphere.

As I have said On this website is that I have been writing since I was 23 yrs of age, now 41. The great thing was I started to learn to take in what I was reading so I was slowing learning to teach myself to pick up something to read a bit more. Before hand when I tried to read anything the print was too hazy for me or I read it but then found it hard to take it in before I put down whatever I was reading. I understand why I haven't had a great of luck with publishing because I haven't known how to please my reader, it's very hard when you don't see your readers looking at your work. Having Said that even most experience people in talents can't always please their publishers or whoever brings them out to be known in this world or not in the case may be. The real shame is when no one discovers how talented someone is until they die. It's a real shame when someone doesn't see the stand out of the hard work they have done.

If there's anyone does agrees with what I say may be you will agree that a writer's group may be a great to find out what your readers like and don't like. Not everyone whose a reader is a writer so may be there should be a reader's group for non writers as well as writers to find out what the non writers like as well as writers like and dislike from their writers. Sorry if I have confused things there. One of the great things about the Internet is you can do you reply to someones work or you can reply to each others' work. This could be a great way of trying to helping one another or help a writers to know what their readers like to read.

Reading to a point that you have big interest in reading, taking in what you read to get your ideas to write. As long as you understand that your can't copy of someones work. It helps when Your stuck on ideas or and on topic to write about, if their work interests you. You can be inspired by someone who has the same talent as you, normally someone who writes about the same topic as you. You can inspire new people work and they can even inspire even if your talent has been going on longer than theirs, this where I think talent is a wonderful thing and getting together as a group in your work is a great way of getting know one another. Some people learn quicker than others for eg; someone who hasn't learned about talent not as long as you may have learned something very quickly what you didn't and should have known a long time ago. Never feel ashamed about that because different teachers have different teaching skills and they know about at different times and some things one never knows.

Reader's and Writer's group on Facebook.

2010-11-24T02:38:00.000-08:00

WHAT'S GOING THROUGH YOUR MIND?

As a person with learning disabilities, I understand that it's hard to get the same rights as everyone else. Although all readers or and writers are more than welcome to join the group whether they have disabilities or not. Only two rules I have is that I will not have any discrimination in this group and you must have interest in reading or and writing.I must remind people that no one is force to do what they don't want to do. The group is there for people who want to be there as long as they have a reading and or writing interest.

I am very sorry about the changes but I am hoping it will give readers or and writers more choice and to make people feel like human beings. I'm so sorry if the changes have affected anyone. The idea of this isn't just to share your writiing with others in the group but also what you read if you want. You don't have to be writer to share what you read just as long as have an interest in any knowledge at all. Whether it's from books, newspapers, magazines and etc. If writing is also your interest if you share your work with the group may be you can tell us where your writing is or where it's going to go, book, magazine, newspaper or and etc. Now the group is turning into a Reader's group as well as a Writer's group, I may be able to help the members with things to do with reading and as well to do with writing if you ask.

May be a lot of us need support to get our work on paper right but we do have thoughts running through our head just like everyone else.
We need to tell the world that we are human beings just like they are.
Thoughts that go through our minds could be anything, we could find them hard to talk about or and they could take too long to talk about.
Most of us for whatever reason would rather write than speak.
When it comes to some people can't speak, people tend to think that they can't think.
That's not true when it comes to using the right communication aids to find out and someone to write their thoughts for them.
Some people who can't speak may be able to write.

Every ones' needs are different but somehow with the right support it shouldn't take people's wants away.
This is why I am setting this is why I am setting up the Readers and Writers group on Facebook to give people the chance to communicate in their way.
To be able to share their thoughts with other readers and or writers with people with and without disabilities in stories, poems and or however you want.
If you are interested or you know someone who is please email me on either sarajgorman@googlemail.com or Facebook sarajgorman@gmail.com

Sara Revealed: THINGS NEED TO CHANGE FOR THE BETTER.

2010-11-06T04:10:00.000-07:00

Introduction to the up of the 2008 report and Employment play.

People with disabilities are treated better than we used to be but society still has a long way to go. People's attitudes need to get better as there is still a very low number of people with disabilities employed.

Now many people with disabilities learned at school, we had to catch up when we left and enroll on the same kind of courses at the colleges for years without jobs at the end of it, alot of people are saying that this is still going on now. There wasn't enough support, as an Learning Disability Mp I would like to see a lot of support in schools and colleges but Mencap but bought out a report saying a lot of courses for people with disabilities are cutting back. I understand that these cutbacks are a big worry we want to move forward not backwards and if the government is cutting back people with disabilities will have go back to how we were before doing the same things again and again without support, this is what we don't want or even worse there will be nothing for us at all. As a Learning Disability MP i want to work hard to see that people with disabilities move forward not backwards. If that's affected you or someone you know with their permission, I would be interested to the read the story if you want me to on sarajgorman@googlemail.com.

There used to be a lack of communication and understanding between children and teachers in my case it was because of the strong medication I used to take for my epilepsy. I didn't leave school with any qualifications. If this is still going on for people with Health problems then Health staff need to work harder to look into whether their medication is affecting their lives or not. You are welcome to email your story or someone else's with their permission on sarajgorman@googlemail.com if you want.

The employment rate is high anyway, people without disabilities get the same problem but having disabilities give you even more problems. Most people with disabilities are or and have been on the dole for years, training scheme the same boring kind of work for years or even or and doing voluntary work for too many years.

Not a lot has changed but if the government doesn't spend the money on the right things we will be moving backwards not forwards, which is what no one wants to do.

Better support

Confidence building

People with learning disabilities should train others around learning disability awareness.

Support for everyone no matter how big or small.

Employers should create more jobs for people with disabilities.

Most people with disabilities are very creative, why should that be waisted?

Changes need to be changed suit peoples' wants and needs.

Attitudes need to get better.

Things need to change for the better in all issues. I am a Wolverhampton Learning disability MP for the People's Parliament with many other Learning Disability MPs.We don't the job compliantly the same as the Houses of Parliament. We have only just started our plan is to look out for people with learning disabilities in what they need and want. We have the understanding because have learning disabilities ourselves. In the future we would like to talk people with disabilities to find out there needs and wants, then tell the government. Like all people the government hasn't got any idea of people's needs and wants, they don't make their to find out than voting, then half the time you don't what your voting for or what you want to vote for isn't there. It's hard to explain because it's so much jargon. By finding out in a face to face contact is better than this voting jargon so we want won't do our job until people with disabilities tell us their wants and needs, by giving people choice and control with the right support. If you have learning disabilities or and Mental Health Problems please email me your Learning Disability MPs about your needs and want on any thing at all. sarajgorman@googlemail.com Only with your say so I will write on your behave to the Houses of Parliament MPs to make them aware of what you need or and want, I will do my best to make sure you get it.

At the moment the Learning Disabilities MPs are working on employment we want would if you have learning disabilities or and Mental Health Problems we would like to here about stories and experiences on employment. With your so say you email me on sarajgorman@googlemail.com you can tell me and I will tell the other MPs only if you want, I won't if you don't want me to tell. How can we thing good for you if they are bad? How can we make things better if they are good? We are here for you if you want us to help you.

If you read the report on this website that I wrote in 2008 about employment, I disappointed to know that not a lot has changed for people with learning disabilities abed work since then, this is why I want to find out how many people with disabilities are working in Britain. I wrote this 2008 report to tell to my readers that I wrote an Employment play telling people in who work Employment services about our experiences of asking, getting employment and how we have been treated in the work placement. We were told the play was an success but we didn't a great of feed back. Someone with disabilities and his employer even did a talk, this employer seemed to be very happy with this person's. This shows when it comes to talents society loses out. People with disabilities have been disbelieved for the things we are good at for so long, it's time for non disabled people to see the good in people with disabilities. Many of us can paint, draw, write and etc as much as you so it's time to create new jobs for people with these talents and other abilities too. Open the doors to the working learning disability world with the right support wherever it is. If you have disabilities and you want to make a start of a creative career, please get in touch with this website called Working parts if you live in the Midlands and Black country.

WWW.workingparts.co.uk

What are learning disabilities?

2010-10-14T06:14:00.000-07:00

There all kinds of disabilities in all kinds of people.
Some people one disability others have a lot more than one.
Disabilities can be physical or and mental depending on the cause and when they happened, which could before, during or after birth.
Mental disabilities affect the brain and physical disabilities affect the body.
Some people have Mental and Physical disabilities, others have one or the other and some have both.
Disabilities affect your everyday life by slowing your brain and body down, which can make it hard for you to learn.
Most people think people with disabilities are thick because we take longer to learn than they do but at end of the day we get there in the end.
Slower the job better the job.
Most things in life aren't possible without support so most rights are taken away from people with disabilities because we haven't got the right support or none at all.
Learning disabilities can affect everyday lives in different ways depending on the people who are having to cope with learning disabilities.
For example cooking, shopping, washing, bathing , dressing; work, education, employment, making friends, relationships and etc.
These are things that people can forget that most people can't cope with because they can.
People with disabilities can be the odd ones out of society because we need extra help than other people with different things.
How can you help people with disabilities to have the same rights as you do with the right support by our choices of life. Email me on sarajgorman@googlemail.com

My Up to Date Learning Disability Awareness

2010-10-02T01:25:00.000-07:00

Everyone has to cope with the down part of life losing a job, reationship breakdown and etc. If something meant a lot to you, when you lose it you can become so unhappy it makes you ill. More often than not when one thing goes wrong the other does. This can cause everyone anxiety, stress and depression as it is but what if it's already there inside you without anything and everything to make sad all at once? You can be more ill than someone without Health problems and disabilities. If anything or and everything is hard for you please email me on sarajgorman@googlemail if you need someone to talk to.

I would like to raise awareness of Anxiety, Stress and Depression within people with all Disabilities and all Health problems. There are many things in people's minds that have happened to them but they are frightened to say in fear of not been able to explain ourselves, been misunderstood and disbelieved. I would also like to raise awareness of Learning Disability Hate Crime mainly rape ans sexual abuse, which can be a very hard topic for people to talk about, mainly people with disabilities and Health problems. This can damage our minds mainly when there are bad things that happened to us years ago than we have tried to tell or frightened of not been able to explain ourselves. People need to listen to people like us more but not force information out of us because the more bad things stop in our minds the more damaged our minds becomes.

This can happen to children whether they have disabilities and Health problems or not but if you have these problems already with everyday problems on top your misunderstood for life then. This is where people with disabilities and Health problems need to educate the world to understand us otherwise our minds will never be believed, listened to or understood. Society should have more time for us. This can be due to a lack of communication and understanding. Please google Accessible information Easy read. sarajgorman@googlemail.com for your views on this topic.

Listen to people's voices and minds more.

2010-10-01T03:26:00.000-07:00

When I was a little girl I never knew about child abuse and rape but it still happened to me. It's very scarley and hard to talk about but it can damage your mind. No matter how hard to you try nothing seems to make you feel better. I understand there are plenty of people all ages who have been through the same as me and I know it's not easy or nice to talk about but big it can have big affects on your lives that the world doesn't see. When I was little today's support wasn't heard of so you had to be strong whether anyone knew not, in many cases not because these things were very rarely heard of or even seen. Theses things do happen, you can use your voice if you want but listen someone more if they use their voice. I know there's plenty of you like me, if you want to be listened to please email me on sarajgorman@googlemail.com

There's all kinds of abuse but sexual abuse and rape is the wrost.
Take more time to listen to children, people with disabilities and Mental Health problems sadly it does happe it should be listened, even better it should stop.
Please let's be heard not just seen.

These things can have a affect on your life. You can go through the same things as someone else but it may not have the same affects on you as it does on them for example.

Sleepness nights because it's hard to get off your mind, nightmares and flashbacks, not wanting to face the next day because your scared of it happening tomorrow, reationships and friendships towards people, poor self - estream, eating disorders, scared to tell anyone and many more. If anything has damaged your life like those examples I have given you are welcome to email me if you want. sarajgorman@googlemail.com

Never think of yourself as a victim, you are a brave survivor. If your like me you lived in a time without any support, you had to counsel your own mind in order to get through everyday, which is hard to do. I remember wanting to run away from school but scared of it happening while I was outside the school. Many times in boarding school I have wanted to ring my Mum to tell her why I was so unhappy there but I didn't know how to. Remember not wanting to live anymore but somehow got over that.That's another way it can make you feel is empty but I am glad I have coped because I have achieved so many good things in life passing my exams in college, helping others like myself and etc. Never the less a childhood history like that through young adulthood is a lot to put behind but you just think about good things you have in life. I am very glad I haven't got children because I wouldn't be relaxed but a very worried Mother.

Poetry update.

2010-09-30T06:08:00.000-07:00

You are never happy.

You spent so long trying to get me out of your life, that's what it felt like to me.
Now that I have gone you miss me, you don't what you have lost until you have lost it.
At the time you really hurt me but I really loved you.
Now that I am out of your life, I don't love you anymore.
I know you want me back in your life.
I have know you long enough to know whatever happens your never happy with.
You have lost my love, you only have yourself to blame. 26.9.2010

Things on your mind.

There can be things on your mind all the time.
Most of the time you think of things that happened a long time ago.
No matter how hard you try to blank these thoughts out you never forget.
These are very often things that are hard to talk about and explain yet never understood.
We can feel frightened to say anything at all.
For me it happened at school.
A lot of people told me it was all in my mind but it's always there never forgotten no matter how hard I try to forget.
Why has it been there all my life, yet I have tried so hard to blank it out?
I have learning disabilities, I don't have the same understanding as other people yet I'm not alone in the world anymore, I never was, I only thought I was alone. 30.9.2010

Unheard voice.

When you have learning disabilities, you are always children in the eyes of society.
Nothing has seemed to have changed, I guess it never will but it still seems as if not a lot has changed in the last 30 years or more, that's not been understood or listened to.
After not been listened to, understand or believed by adults when I was a child.
It carried on far too long into my young adult years.
I guess I never got heard because of my learning disabilities.
It's as if people knew that I wasn't suppose to know anything but I knew I had been hurt in some way, explaining it was hard.
I knew nothing but a long true nightmare that I still can't get out my head from the age of seven upwards, now I am 41.
This happened to me more than once and more than one person.
It's just so hard to explain, which not a lot has changed when it first began.
It happened so long ago.
I shouldn't try to tell because I don't know what happened yet I don't forget.
It doesn't make any sense but strange as it sounds it's true that strange unexpected things even now still come out of the blue. 30.9.2010

Time to go to bed.

It was time to go to bed, us girls chatted for a while.
The Housemother told us off to get to sleep ready for school the next morning.
My mind was full of unexplained stress that I wasn't suppose to know yet it happened to me.
It was no good telling the kids, they weren't suppose to know either.
We were little children little babies who were learning about life yet there was very little to learn at that time.
Everyone fell a sleep all but not me, I wasn't the best of sleepers anyway but all what I didn't understand was playing on my mind I was far too young to know but I should have known what happened, it was too hard understand and tell anyone.
I wasn't just a child, I was a child with learning disabilities.
I held my ginger German teddy bear named Hands, I felt so alone.
Every time I tried to sleep I could hear and see the big evil moister attacking me.
I lay there thinking how I was going to tell grown ups but I didn't have a clue.

It's hard to talk.

I just cried all night.
Every time I faced a child, I felt so alone in the world.
I kept hoping it wasn't happening to any other child but then it made it even harder to explain myself if it wasn't.
It was no good telling them because they weren't suppose to know or understand either.

Not able to understand what happened to you is a very strange nasty feeling, just these unforgotten unexplained things going inside your mind.
It can never be a lie if it's never forgotten, I only wish it was because It wouldn't be there to haunt you for life.
It happened every school I went to, I was unaware of whether it was happening to other children or not until we were adults.
Before I knew it was happening to other children as well me, I thought I was having nightmares, hearing and or seeing things in my mind.
We were just far too young to know and understand what was going on.
I have met many people who I went to school with during adult they have been through the same things in the same schools.
I wasn't alone after all I just didn't know that a lot of the children went through it too.
It's haunted us all our lives, even today, it's hard to explain.
If you know what I'm taking about and it's happened to you, I'm willing to help you if you want someone to talk to on sarajgorman@googlemail.com 30.9.2010

Time to listen to children.

Time to listen to children, you never know what you are going to hear.
You can't be there with children twenty - four hours a day so you can't say what they tell is or isn't true.
If a child goes on about the same thing a lot, then it's true, something needs to be done.
Children need to be listened to, this is the same for people with disabilities and Health problems all ages.
It's time to listen carefully and take more time with people who take to be understood and heard otherwise could be disbelieving something that really happened.
Take more time to understand all human beings.
They could be telling you something that has happened but will damage the rest of their lives if nothing has been done about it.
This could damage their minds like it has damaged mine, don't let that happen to them.
We all know that most kids can tell lies but if somethings can be tried to be said once too often enough and is serious, that's the time to listen and take action that will help to be happy again. sarajgorman@googlemail.com 30.9.2010

You only live once.

Do anything you want this could be your only or last chance in life.
Help someone who wants to give things a go, it could be there only and last chance too.
Help someone who needs more help than you.
Remember it could have been you if not them.
Don't let theirs and your chances slip.

There's nothing worse than been left out, how would like to give something a go but no one is there to help you if you need help?
Everyone looks at you at if you are squib and thick, that's not the case you just need a bit more help than most people.
Your left out because it seems as if the rest of the world can have a normal life, you can't. ( What's normal at the end of the day?)
What are we missing out on?

Crashing cars and screaming kids is something we can do without but what's missing is looking in the mirror everyday seeing another you.
See how different and better life can be for your child than it was for you, not to say that life was all bad and all good for you.

There seems to be full of lovers, you feel like your boyfriend's child when you need more help than others rather than his girlfriend. (You feel useless when your relationship breaks up.)

There are too many benefit traps around jobs but the world is a very lonely place without a career, study and work.

You feel left out when know you help from them but what they realise is what is like to need more help unless learning disabilities and Mental Health problems happen to them.

Things that happened a long time ago are always in your head.
The memories are always there but words never really come out to be understood or even said.
So you see faces and hear voices inside your head.
No one understands unless it happens to them.
The world looks at you really strange, whatever you have said and or listened to doesn't make sense.
They think your nuts because you don't make sense to them.
No, they are nuts because it doesn't make sense to you.

You try to grab life with both hands but people are in your faces all the time when don't need but no one is really there to give you a helping hand when you do need it.
You want to give it a go because you are only on the earth once so why were we born at all?
At least you have tried if you haven't succeed.

My real Father isn't my Father, I haven't know him long enough he's my friend.
He doesn't know a great deal about my life so he's the only one in the family doesn't know me. 2th October 2010

Get by.

Times are rather hard, money is tight, even though you don't get a lot of chance to hold me tight, still we're happy enough.
It's not just money problems it's other things in my life too but no worries it's not you.
I've been through good and bad before, I will get by just like I've always have done.
Not sleeping well but over tried with things on my mind.
Somehow I'll manage my work.
I'm worried about losing my work and business.
I will either run the business with support or not all.
My work means a lot to me so do you, even though I don't have enough private time with you.
Strangely I miss you even though I see you.
There's so much to tell you but very litte time to say it. 2nd October 2010

Rape, rape.

Rape rape has damaged my mind.
Rape has riped me up for 33yrs but not all my life has been black and white.
Memories are still there but thankfully now flashbacks and nightmares are very little compared to what they used to be.
From the age of a 7 year old child it happened until I was a 33 year old woman.
I have tried so hard to blank it out but it hasn't been easy.
It has been hard to explain, which is why I never got understood or believed.
It shouldn't surprise me that none would understand.

Our eyes are our doors.

Our eyes are our doors, we close and open.
We never know what nights and days are until our eyes that are doors are open.
Sometimes we can't close our eyes that are doors at all when too much is on our minds about things we may and should and shouldn't know.
Sometimes we are only told half the story, we may have to wait until tomorrow comes, forever or not at all.
Some days and nights are different.
Other days and nights are all the same.
Some things have to start and finish but others don't happen at all.
Other things stay as they are, whether it's Good bad life is life sometimes for a good reason other times for a bad.
Sometimes tomorrow is known other times it's unknown, sometimes it's better off unknown but most of the time it needs to be known.
At times life can be cure thins happen that shouldn't.
Life is what you make but not everything happens by our choice, which doesn't leave us completely free.
When it comes to the government no one is free but no one is completely naughty.
We all need some control but not over controlled.
To be fare the world needs a balance so nothing is too fare or too unfair, which never seems to happen. 4.10.10

Open our doors open our eyes.

Good morning time, there's very little freedom for us all.

Open our doors open our eyes.
The world is a mess in so much debt, we have been too greedy.
Now the world is losing money so one day it will all come to an end.
The future is unknown.
As one door closes another one opens.
Hello, to the good, goodbye to the bad.
Hello, to the bad, goodbye to the good.
That's the way life always is and that all it ever can be. 4.10.10

Close our doors close our eyes.

We need to clear out of our minds before we can close our doors and eyes on the old thoughts to bring new thoughts.
We mustn't worry about a thing, otherwise we could be bringing something bad into something good.
How can you feel good at the same time as feeling bad but somehow we do?
Sooner or later you need to be getting out of the bad to get into the good, we shouldn't mix good and bad but it seems to happen.
Nothing is good all the while, things may be either a little rough or crash for life.
The world used to be beautiful, we had very little war and very little crime was notice at time.
It good to know that we notice more crime but bad to know it happens, ever badder to know that it happen and wasn't notice.
Some many things in life weren't notice a long time ago but more and more is notice now.
A never ending story and a never ending poem.
Making plans for the future without even knowing what the future is going be or not even realizing that there may not be any future.
Never make plans let the future be.
No safety in the world.
No surprise to anyone when there's too much crime by people who don't do their time, too much and greed with money that's going going gone.
We need help to understand life, what is it about?
Why were we born, why do we die?
Why are we here in the first place?
Let the rain be sunshine, Sunshine be rain.
Not too cold not too hot.
Let there be safety not danger. 4.10.10

You mean the world.

When I first met you, I didn't know who you were.
I was going through far too much pain from my last relationship to be aware of the rest of the world around me.
I was too numb with pain to love and to know I was loved, love was the last thing I thought would happen again.

When I started talking to you I felt good but I had no idea that you felt more for me than just a friend.

I was far too hurt to know what the future was going to bring to any part of life.
It was a big surprise to find out that you were interested in me, that's one of the reasons I didn't go for it right away, it's also the fact I didn't know you and as I say the pain I was going through with the last heart break.
I didn't expect someone to pain interest in me so sudden that's why I was unsure.

Since then my feelings have just got stronger but I'm now scared in case my feelings are too strong for you, it's not just about my feelings, it's about yours too.
If you wouldn't have never paid interest in me, I would have kept how I felt to myself in fear that you may have not been interested or and you could have been with someone already.
I wouldn't have wanted to spoil your happiness if you were taken for already just because my happiness came to an end.

Now that I'm with you, I will be truthful to say that I don't want to lose you.
That's why I keep trying not to build my hopes up but that's not an easy thing to do with a lovely guy like you, you can never be sure that anything is for life but never say never.
I don't want to make you feel as if you are force to be with me.
I must be brave and strong, I'm a middle aged woman now, I have been through enough heart aches and disappointment but I can't take anymore.
When I first met you I had been going through a heart break for two years.
Sorry I didn't say yes right away, my head was just all over the place.

Sorry if I have misunderstood your feelings towards me, I will move on If I have misunderstood you.
I don't want to step in your way, tread on on your toes, be around when I'm not wanted and so on.
I don't want to make you want me if you don't want me.
I understand that it's not all about me, your feelings count too but I would be lier if I said I don't love you.
If you don't feel for me the same way as I do about you, I have to live with it and be strong. 10.10.10

Love and pain.

You can't walk away from love until you don't love.
Falling in love is easy but walking away from pain is hard.
It's very hard to put peoples' feelings a side when they don't feel the same as they do.
Different people walk into your life, make out they love you, leave you and break your heart.
Love and pain seems like a never ending thing when it's long but knocks you to sick when it breaks. 10.10.10

Why do I love you?

Why do I love you?
If only I knew why, only how handsome, kind, a understanding gentleman
you are.
Why do I put myself through so much pain?
Here I am again!
I took so long to get over the last person who broke my heart.
If I love someone I can't walk away altogether but I can't force someone to love me if they don't love me. 10.10.10

What's going on?

Is there still you and me?
Many thoughts go round my head because we don't get a lot of private time together.
I will put my feelings to side and think of yours instead, I understand it's not all about me, it's about you as well, that's how I want it to be.
Whatever makes you happy makes me happy but sad deep down.
Stay where you are if that's what you want, I'm here as long as you want me.
You will never lose my friendship, our future is unknown.
May be I worry too much, I don't want to jump the gun but then I don't want to put a trap on your life.
I don't want to hope too much and I don't want to make you think that you have to feel the same about me as I do about you.
I am not going to lie, my feelings are very strong towards you.
I am preparing myself just in case I lose your love.
No matter how many heart breaks I have, I will keep on loving but not when I am still in love.
May be I won't anymore feel the warmth of your arms close to mine.
May be I won't feel the way you used to hold me so close anymore.
May be it's a long time coming, we may get there in the end.
We may not get there at all but I'm there for you as long as you want me to be.
If you do feel the same way about me as I do about you, then you are worth as long as the wait takes even if it's forever more.
10.10.10

Here you go again!

You loved me twice.
You dumped me twice.
Now you want me back again.
How many chances do you want?
You've hurt me a lot more than once.
I thought I would never stop loving you but finely I walked away.
You will never stop me from moving on how I want to despite the pain you have put me through.
It's not my fault that you didn't love me when I loved you.
You've been playing nasty games with my mind.
Now it's too late, you only have yourself to blame.
I always thought you loved me but I believe now that I was wrong.
You don't love me, you only love yourself.
You are only saying you love me because I'm not in your life anymore. 10.10.10

Good friends.

You are a good friend, I only wish you could be more.
You have been great support.
You were there for me not long after he broke my heart.
You helped me to strong enough to carry, I thank you.
Without your support I would have let him put a hold on my life.
There's still a lot of damage inside me to clear but slowly I'm getting there.
It will still take me a long time before I start feeling really good about myself again but you make me feel even better. 10.10.10

The loser.

Once I thought you were the man for me but now I'm glad it didn't turn out to be.
People told me that you weren't the man for me but I didn't listen to a word they said to me.

I thought I knew it all.
Now I realize that I'm better off without you.
I don't even want to see you, you hurt me that much.
I wish I never met and loved you.
I wish I never gave you a second chance after you left me the first time.
Now that I don't love you anymore, I can't believe that I ever did loved you at all.
The more I loved you the more you hurt me.

Now that I don't love you anymore, you don't hurt me anymore.
Nothing ever matched between us, it was wrong for us to fall in love.
You knew I loved you so much but it too me years to realize that you didn't love me.
Now I don't love you anymore, you make out you love me because you have no one hurt anymore.

I was too blind to realize that your love for me was a lie and even still is and always will be.
I had put up with your trickily mind games too many years far too long.
If you treat anyone else like you treated me, you will spend the rest of your life alone.
One day someone will hurt you like you hurt me, then it will hit you hard.

You always played tricks with my mind.
One minute you loved me the next you didn't.
I can't believe I ever was a your victim of hate and love for so long.
You used to give me wonderful dreams and nasty nightmares but not always at the same time.

Butterflies flow and swam through my stomach when you made me feel good.
Panic attacks would go through all over my body when you made me feel bad.
My stomach would turn over as if I was on a very fast fairground ride.
You may have broken my heart but whatever my future is to be, I'm glad to say that I don't want to be with you anymore you see.
Despite of the damage you have put me through, you will never stop me from doing what I want to do,which has nothing to do with you. 31.10.10

Changes.

Time to let there is to be.
Time for peace.
Not to hope expect anyyhing at all.
Never say it will ever end.
Let the damaged past mend.
Getting to know one's self all over again.
Believe in one's self.
It will take one's own time to feel one's self again.
Too soon for heavy love.
There's no harm in friendly love.
Companionship from one whose been through the same as one.
One becomes two of us me and you.
We're not the first who have been hurt, we won't be the last.
It's tremendous to be independent but to be faithful.
We all make mistakes how many of us learn from them?
My mistakes have been loving men who have hurt me but I guess we have both been as bad as one another.
I just got too close to them and I hoped for too much.
Now it's time to take it easy, one isn't getting any younger but I admit my feelings for you are getting stronger. 4.11.10

My secert lover.

May be I don't show my feelings towards you, may be you do know how I feel towards you.
There are too many people around us and I am scared in case I frightened you away.
I can't stop thinking about you.
I know you like me but I like you more and more.
I know I didn't say right away, I didn't expect you to pay interest in me.
I was still getting over the last love who is no love.
Facing you is hard when I know how I feel but I get by.
We just need to carry taking our time just like we have been doing and keeping it quite.
Even our time to together when if we get it together.
It comes to those who wait as long as it takes. 4.11.10

Sorry John, I didn't mean to hurt you.

It was his 17th birthday some time in June 2001, It was a very hot evening.
The windows of the Flying Dutchman pub, Warstones, Wolverhampton was streaming or I may have been dreaming.
When me and my ex partner were a couple, One that very night we were outside in the beer garden walking around smoking a cigarette.

Even though the pub has been closed down quite a few years this memory still stands in my mind.
I gave Antonio his second chance to love me again he hurt after he hurt me before, I thought I knew it all.
I thought he loved me better the second time better than the first time, I was wrong.
Now that I don't have feelings for him anymore, he now makes out he loves me again but I'm no foal to to him no more.

I was blind to see that he didn't give a dam about this 17 year old boy who winked his eye at me as if to say hi.
I wouldn't have wanted a problem between Antonio and John.
Little did I realized that Antonio didn't love me for me.

I felt so ashamed not feeling the same as what he did.
He was such a nice young man, I guess still is.
Having been an older woman I would still felt feelings of shame whatever would have happened.

I don't think he knew nothing about love.
I didn't know enought about love but I should have done.
I should have known better.

I could see him trying not to stare as sweat was pumped out of him everywhere, poor lad.
He started to worry me as he made me nervus when he was looking at me.
As my heart begain to race and I almost in a panic attack.
sweat started to pump out of me too.
I was hoping he'd walk away from where I was.
He walked up closely to me.
He looked at me as if he wanted to speak but he didn't know what to say.
His face went bright red with shyness.

I felt so ashame that I didn't feel the same way but I still would have felt ashamed if I did.
I had too much respeat for him to lie or and lead him.
I just only hope he has met a nice girl a lot younger than me.
He was lovely all the same.
Even thought we didn't get together.
I still feel as if I should have known better.

Now those ten years have gone by.
I still feel full of guilt and regret.
If things would have been the opposite I would have still felt the same.

I hope the fact that we didn't get together saved us a lot of heart ache towards one another.
Some things we don't like happen for the best.
May be it wasn't to be.
May be I did or didn't do the right thing after all.
He may have now lost interest in me in the end.
He may hate me for not giving him the experince he may have wanted.
He might repected me for been honest with him.
I hope have I made myself understood.

The only way I feel pain is wishing I was his age.
What scars me is the fact that he may have more sense than me.

I knew who he was, his name was John.
I knew his Mum and Dad.
I felt so ashamed for not feeling the same as him.
He was such a nice young man.
Whatever I would have became of me and John I would have felt as if I wasn't doing the right thing.

I am not been nasty I would like to be someone's lover not Mother or Daughter.
I used to be friends with his Mother but we ended falling out.
She wasn't that many years older me.
If only I was the same age as him knowing what I knew at the time or even better what I know today at the age of 41.
I felt so luckey to have been loved by someone so young.
Knowing that he felt this way towards me he made me feel like his age at that time all over again.

This may not make sense but I forgot what it felt like to be 17.
If only I knew at 17 what I knew 31.
If only I knew at 31 what I know now at 41.
I was so old he was so young.

I felt so luckey to have been loved by someone so young, it bought back my youth again.
At the same time it made me feel ashamed however I felt.
I knew I had to control how I felt, I didn't feel it was right older woman having feelings for a teenage boy.
I still wouldn't have felt as if I had done right.

What did he want with an old fool like me?
I was 31 old enought to be his Mum.
In the end she hated me.
She blamed me for fansying her son when it was the other way round.
I don't think she believed me, she should have done when she knew I had a partner already. 21.11.2010

Chapter six, Moving on.

2010-09-21T06:20:00.000-07:00

Jacky went through another two years of depression of losing the baby and Mark. She never got over the baby but she got over Mark. Jacky faced the fact that it was really unknown what happened to the baby, which had a big affect on her mind and her life. Jacky had been through counseling to come to terms with all this but it never made a great of difference. Jacky's own family history was very unknown have to deal with two things at once not know her own family history and not knowing her baby was a very hard thing to deal with.

It was time to move forward, show herself and the world her brave face. As she thought of the last few years or so she'd given up or turned her back on so much for Mark, for eg; education and carer. How can I live with this pain without getting upset all the while? Jacky started to a creative writing and counseling course helping other people with disabilities to cope with the down sides of life, which helped Jacky better in the end. She got herself a counseling job and she turned people with disabilities lives round in the end. She also wrote poetry and short stories on the ups and downs of learning disability topics.

It took Jacky a long time to get out the rut but she got there in the end. The past all seemed like a bad dream in end, she wondered why she got so upset about losing Mark after he just turned out to be a waste of space.

Jacky knew she would have to get herself a home of her own with the help of social services. She had just spend the last two years or so living with people she knew, she wanted her own space so she could study when she went to Wolverhampton college Bilston. She managed to be housed in Bradmore, which was a bit queiter for her to study. Having her poetry, short stories and novels was hard work. On the whole slowly she was going back to her happy self again but taking tablets for her depression, she still had her down days.

In time she made a very good friend in Alex who had gone through prombles not much different to Jacky. He was very skinning, dark brown hair and handsome. They were friends for a good many years. Alex was a very private kind of guy. Alex was also very honest on what kind of life he could give Jacky whereas Mark wasn't.

Chapter five, Break up

2010-09-21T01:54:00.000-07:00

For six mouths Jacky had been stopping with different friends here, there and everywhere. She hadn't seen Mark since he kicked her out of his flat. It caused her one big mess with her benefits and everything. Mark's promises and lies also lost her child and bought her load of depression on before and after the birth because she had the child taken off.

The birth had come and gone far too quickly. It was unknown to Jacky whether she had a girl or a boy because she knew she wasn't going to see he or she. The baby was taken away from her so quickly at New Cross hospital Wolverhampton. Jacky managed to get her own room so she didn't have to see other Mothers holding their babies. Jacky broke down and cried.Even though she didn't want to give the baby up, she felt guilty for giving he or she up. There wasn't enough support to get her a home and help her to look after the baby. Her friends Karen and Hana who didn't have disabilities offered to support her but she felt as if she was putting a block on their lives, Social services didn't allow it anyway.

It was only a mouth after the child was born that Social services didn't let Jacky know what had happened to the child. Other that the fact Jacky was shocked to find out Mark was putting the child in and out of care, which she wasn't very happy about. Jacky broke down in tears, as she spoke to Jeanette with Jet black hair in a pony tail, she wore a brown and cream striped jumped.

" How could you all let this happen, I knew I was going to lose my baby but it's just as unsafe to give he or she up to a drunk Father."

" Jacky he may be drunk but he doesn't have disabilities."

" Mark's drunkenness is his own fault, my disabilities aren't."

" The baby won't be fed Jennette, Mark will drink the money away."

" Sorry Jacky that's the way it goes,I have no control what happens, you look after yourself now."

" He is the Father of the child, Jacky."

" I'm the Mother of the child, he can do something about his drinking, I can't do anything about my disabilities, how does anyone think that makes me feel?"

" Just because I can't look after my child, it doesn't mean I don't worry like any other Mother, in fact I worry more."

"People think because I have disabilities, I don't have feelings, cause I do, I'm human like everyone else you know!"

In the end Jennette just walked but at the same she felt useless, she so wanted to help Jacky but she just had to do her job. Everything Jacky had said Jennette she was right, that's what hurt the most.

It turned out that Jacky started drinking heavy herself but she wouldn't have done if she would have had support to have and keep her child. It was a long depressing road until Jacky got back to her happy self and again. She couldn't see the light at the end of the tunnel. She had good and bad days. It affected her that baby, she was on the verge of taking her own life.

Jacky, Karen and Hana had a long day shopping, which started off a good day for Jacky. Shop until they dropped, they called it. Walking into Beatles car park at 5.00pm. Jacky started to feel unwell and sad again. Karen and Hana couldn't believe Jacky's change of mood suddenly at the end of the day. Jacky had suffered depression for quite a few years before then.

" What's wrong with you, Jacky we've had a good laugh today?" said Karen

Jacky didn't answer as she started to feel dizzy but it didn't stop her from hanging her head over Beatles car park as her long blond hair came down. Jacky screamed as millions of people froze as they stared. Hana and Karen were trying to stop her but Jacky was having none of it.

" I don't care, I'm going down now, good bye everyone."

" Don't go, Jacky." cried Karen

Someone outside the car park called the police, as Hana tried to walk Jacky to the car but she kept kicking off and screaming.

" Are you alright, Madam?"

" This is unnecessary sir, we have it under control." said Hana

Jacky was still kicking screaming and shouting.

" Calm down, madam." said the Policeman

Jacky calmed down when she wanted to.

Hana took no notice of Jacky, she just managed somehow to put her in the car. In the mean time Karen had a word with Jacky.

" What's wrong with you today, we started to have a good day?"

Jacky didn't answer.

" Calm down Jacky, breath in and out, you will be home soon."

Suddenly there came Mark as soon as he saw Jacky, he set Beatles car park on fire with a petrol bomb, as Hana and Karen tried getting Jacky in the car. Jacky knew then she had to get the car as fast she could as Hana and Karen rang the police. Hana and Karen knew they had to get the car as fast as they could for all their safeties. Drivers froze before they got into their car as flames rised up. People were pan icing and screaming inside and out the car park. Mark was shouting at Jacky accusing her of having the baby when she hadn't. She didn't even know what sex her child was. Mark got into his car as fast as he could with his car on fire as he drove fast through the town to Wednesfield Canal right through the water, then down to the Cannock road until the police caught as he was arrested. Police, firemen and ambiances were driving everywhere. 20 people dead through the fire and thirty people injured.

" Where's my child, Jacky?"

Jacky couldn't believe to see Mark there, she couldn't believe what she heard him say. This was the last thing Jacky needed as she was only just coming to terms with losing everything she ever what would happen. The lies that Mark made out to be true.

" Get away Mark!" said Hana

" Jacky is in this state only because of you, Mark." said Karen

This was were Jacky got inside the car because she didn't have anything to say to Mark. This was were he set the petrol bomb because he didn't get his own way. Hana had never drove as fast in her driving as she did that night.

Everything was fine until they got home, as Hana got out of her car, Jacky started kicking off in front of the neighbours. It got so tense that Hana and Karen were getting very strange looks. In the end Jacky tried to calm down as soon as Karen and Hana told her they didn't want her in prison.

Chapter four, Moving in.

2010-09-20T03:13:00.000-07:00

Mark made out that he wasn't rushing anything and everything was going to be perfect for Jacky and him but it was a lie. Mark made himself out to be a private man but he wasn't. The truth was that he didn't want a woman with a learning disability but led Jacky on. There was a sense that he tried to get what he wanted from her and used her for her learning disability. To start off with Jacky felt safe with Mark but then found out that he build her hopes up on lies.

Mark carried on telling Jacky he was going to be a supportive partner and give the same things in life as women without disabilities. Poor Jacky thought she had met Mr Right but he turn out to be Mr Lie. Jacky told Mark herself that it was soon to move in together but he made out he wanted to start a family so that's what made Jacky go along with it.Jacky sadly fell in love with a lier and user but she couldn't see it at the time. Jacky had risked losing her disability benefits and everything for Mark, even though she never really understood money.

One afternoon, Jacky packed all her stuff from home to take to Marks. Mark rang his mate Paul with a van to help her move.

The one night, she listened to Mark's lies all night. He told her what seemed good news.

" Jacky, my manager is giving me a £1000.00 rise so we can soon start a family when we want to."

" Not yet, let's get to know one another first Mark."

" That's fine, Jacky no rush but let's go out for a meal to celebrate."

" Ok, what about a curry then Mark."

" No problem, anything you want." As they shared the cost.

They sat drinking wine, talking about how great it would be. Poor Jacky believed that she would have a future with this man but he made her life full of lies. Jacky was even celebrating a lie with him.

Two years later, Jacky became pregnant. She thought she had nothing to worry about in the world and Mark was taking care of everything. She thought she had a boyfriend who loved her very much but instead he put the world to shame. It turned out the bigger Jacky got the more the truth came out about his feelings towards, which he didn't love her after all. He knew deep down sooner or later he would have to come clean about his feelings. Suddenly Jacky did seem to see a change in Mark in two mouths. He was out drinking heavy and leaving her in the flat because she was pregnant.Jacky started to know Mark was guilty of something. May be he was going off with other women because there were nights he wasn't coming home at all. He always seemed to be drunk every time she saw him.

He didn't seem to pay her attention anymore. He was avoiding Jacky as much as possible, she knew why because of the lies he had told her. It was only when he started drinking heavy, she knew he was in his own world and what he promised her didn't happen. He even let his own boss Jim down, he was coming in late for work and he'd gone from a good worker to a bad worker. He was having too many late nights.

In time Jacky had learned that Mark hadn't been paying the bills, the land line had been cut off for two mouths and there was no heating in the house. Slowly bills were paid but only from Jacky's benefit money.

One night, Mark walked into the flat, he couldn't barely stand up, he felt onto the brown settee.

" Drunk again, as I have sat here for hours bored out of my mind."

" You haven't paid me any attention for at least two to six mouth, what's a matter with you, you've changed in time at all?"

" Your pregnant and disabled, no where is safe for women like you."

" What's that suppose to mean, that's complete discrimination, Mark?"

" You'd make a useless Mother and you are no good for standing at the kitchen sink either, Jacky."

Jacky pretended that she didn't hear what Mark said,as he dropped off to sleep.

It was 10.00am, when his manager Jim from the car factory rang him. Mark's mobile woke Jacky up.

" Hi, Jacky, it's Jim is Mark up?"

" What do you think, Jim?"

" He's had another late night and he's drunk."

" You've got it in one, Jim."

" I am really getting fed up of him, he's gone from a good worker to a bad one, he's always coming in late and I don't understand what's changed him, he's worked for me since he left school."

" I don't know Jim, most people change for the worse."

" Jim can I ask you a favor please, I have just been searching through the kitchen draw to find bills about six mouths old but I don't understand whether they have been paid or not."

" No problem Jacky I will come and have a look because he hasn't done a great deal of work lately."

" Another thing is that he told me, Jim that he has a £1000.00 pay."

" He's a lier Jacky, he never had that when he was a good worker."

" He told me the pay rise was in the bank for the baby."

" No Jacky, he's just full of stories, he's always been the same even though he used to be a good worker."

" Anyway I will come round and check those bills for you."

" Oh thanks very much Jim."

Mark was still dead to the world when Jim turned up.

" Everything ok, Jim."

" No, not all the money has been paid, Jacky."

Suddenly Jacky had a letter come through her door. It was handy Jim was there because she didn't understand it. It was direct debt telling her that she couldn't afford to pay anymore of her bills.

" Right Jacky, I will get back to work, make a few calls for you and let you know what's going to happen."

" Thanks Jim."

"If that lazy bones wakes up, tell him to give me a ring, thanks Jacky."

" No problem, Jim."

It was 12.00pm, when finely Mark woke up, about 10 minutes after Jim had gone back to the office.

" Morning darling," he said as if nothing had happened the night before.

" Jim, has rang you Mark and asked you to called him."

" What have I told you about touch my mobile?"

" Good job I did, we are losing money here because you are too drunk to go to work."

" No I won't bother."

Mark's face dropped with guilt.

" Make us a coffee, please!"

" You have been lieing to me about that £1000.00 rise, Mark."

Mark's face froze, when he had his coffee he almost dropped it, the guilt hurt him that much.

" I may have learning disabilities, I may be useless but not stupid, Mark."

" You are not not fit to be a Mother, Jacky."

" Your not fit to be a Father with no money".

The truth hurt Mark was so badly.

" Pack your things and get out of my flat!"

Jacky's eyes were pouring with tears, he really upset her.

" I have learning disabilities, I'm pregnant, where shall I go and what will I do, Mark?"

" Go and see a Social worker, your too much hard work, Jacky!"

Mark rushed as she packed, he couldn't get her out his flat quick as he throw the stuff she didn't have chance to pack right onto the grass of his front garden. Jacky tried to pick everything up, he wouldn't let he want her to go, as she cried walking down the street. Mark didn't give a dam what happened to Jacky. Jacky had no choice but to call Social services on her mobile phone as she didn't have any family and very little friends.

Chapter Three Next Date

2010-09-19T01:54:00.000-07:00

A week had passed yet again. Saturday mid morning early afternoon, Mark finely got round to calling Jacky. Mark hadn't long got up as he ate his fri up and strong cup of coffee.

" Good afternoon, Jacky what do you Fancy doing today?"

" Good afternoon, Mark I don't mind Mark as long as I am with you."

" What about meeting in the Moon Under Water?"

" Well it is a little noise in there Mark, hard to get a seat and to hear yourself speak."

" True Jacky but we can give a go and move somewhere if that's the case."

" Everywhere is busy on a Saturday Mark."

Jacky thought it would be nice just to pick a pizza and bottle to have at her place or his. On the other hand she thought it too early days yet, she didn't know what to do for the best.

" What about 7.00pm, Jacky?"

" That sounds fine Mark."

Mark had come up with idea of texting and phoning one another because of buses not always been on time. What made it even worse on that Saturday was that the Wolves match was on, which slowed the traffic down. Despite of that 559 was rather early for a Saturday night, which left Jacky waiting quite a while for Mark.
The wild wind was blowing litter everywhere, as Jacky phoned Mark to tell him that she was on her way into town.

" Are you already on the bus, Jacky?"

" I am just about to get on, Mark."

" Don't because I could be ages yet, I'm still waiting for the bus."

" Go back home, wait a while, I'll call you when I'm in town, I'll book a taxi for you and I'll pay for it."

" Oh thank you, Mark."

Jacky took a brisk walk home. The wild wind and dust blew everywhere, as Jacky blew her Norse. Old school friends tried to stop to chat to her as it was a case of hello and good bye, she didn't know how long Mark was going to take to contract her again. Jacky promised her friends that she'd call them. It was at least half an hour to an hour when Mark text ed her to tell her that he was finely in town.

As Jacky got out of the taxi, people outside the Moon Under Water stood begging Jacky for cigarettes and money as Mark got hold of hard to walk her to side of the pub.

It was 8.30pm to 8.45pm, the pub was packed out. Jacky right about not been able to get a seat or speak. The bar was also packed, they only just about got served. Jacky drank Bankness Mild and Matter drank bitter, they stood up. They popped out for a cigarette. They both felt packed like sardines in the pub. Jacky was too polite to complaint about not liking packed pubs.

" This no good Jacky, we can't speak in there."

" Well I told you this will happen Mark, what now?"

" Your place or mine, Jacky."

" Mine because my bus is quicker than yours."

" What about picking up a pizza and a bottle of wine, Jacky?"

" Oh that sounds good, Mark because there's no where quiet on a Saturday night."

" We should have waited until tomorrow really, hay we can still out tomorrow, can't we Jacky would you like that?"

" Oh that sounds great Mark."

It was hard to have a date in such a noise atmosphere plus it wasn't private, which they should have thought about in the first place.

They only had to wait a few minutes for the bus as Jacky scanned her Disabled bus passed and Mark paid £1.70. Mark bought a bottle of wine from Jacky's local pub called the Tiger as Jacky paid for the pizza in the Fish and Chip shop down the road.

" Red or white wine, Madam!"

" White wine, please Mark."

It had been a long evening but everything happened so quickly not that they wanted to rush into things but they picked a very busy night in the pub. They had learned a lot of things from one another. Jacky thought Mark had learned a lot about her LD, was she right or wrong? They were taking their time, Mark didn't want to push Jacky into anything she wanted to do. They looked on the bright side that night, at least they saved a little more money. Mark stopped night but there was no bedroom contract at that point.

Home Date

When they got to Jacky's flat, Jacky dished out the pizza as Mark poured out the wine.

" Jacky, you are just who I am looking for and I found her, you."

" That's very nice to know, Mark." as Jacky laughed not believing what she had just heard.

" I love your long Blondie hair, blue eyes and there's something about brown leather jackets I like too."

" Your a very strange man, Mark."

" I know I am, Jacky."

The pair sat down to eat.

" Nice cheese and tomato pizza, didn't you make it yourself Jacky?"

" Very funny Mark, you know I didn't."

both of them laughed

Mark asked Jacky her age.

" How old are you, Jacky?"

" I'm 27, Mark."

" You look a lot younger than than that but 27 is younger enough."

" What's that suppose to mean, Mark?" Jacky laughed

" It's nice to be told that I look young but I don't want to be too young to go in pubs."

" Sorry Jacky, I am not very good at dates, I am just thinking about something to say."

" Your doing alright, so far Mark."

Both of them laughed.

" You are a very interesting looking guy with your shiny flicked back hair, leather jacket and those lovely brown eyes".

Mark's eyes raised broadly as he kissed Jacky.

" How old are you Mark?"

" 37, Jacky."

" I love men who are more grown up, they all silly my age."

" Believe me, I am not grown up, Jacky."

" Is there anything else I need to know about you, Mark?"

" I don't have a very interesting history, other than I am guitarist who can't sing, that's why I couldn't make fame."

" Oh never Mind, Mark, you win some you lose some."

The look on Mark's face was sad because he really wanted be famous but he just rised above it.It hurt Mark very much when he lost his music career. He was turned down just because he couldn't sing.

I used to be a fireman for a short while but then at 5.8 in height, they realized I wasn't tall enough."

" I was a bit too small to slide down the pole so that wasn't good enough for them, that was another career I was very hurt to lose."

They both took a deep breath.

" Wow, Mark it's shame it didn't last." as Jacky smile

" I wish I had my guitar on me, I would have played you a few cores."

" That's ok, may be next time Mark."

" I write poetry, Mark may be I can help you write your songs."

" No as I said I can't sing."

" No worries Mark I lost my Creative writing course through the cutback."

" May be I can look out for something you want to do with writing, Jacky."

" Oh thanks, Mark."

" I keep getting turned down for jobs because of my disabilities or they give me the boring jobs sweeping floors."

As they both laughed together.

" I wasn't good looking enough good looking enough to be a Fireman, Jacky."

" Of course you were and still are." as she laugh

" Oh thanks, Jacky." as he smiled

" What do you do now, Mark?"

" I'm just a boring old car fixer, does that put you off?"

" No of course not, Mark." as Jacky laughed

Suddenly they both started to feel a bit sleepy and drunk as they both fell asleep on the settee.

Chapter two, Phone Date.

2010-09-18T07:02:00.000-07:00

It was Mark's day off he worked in a car factory, it had been a very busy week, they were short staffed. It had been a week since he saw Jacky. Mark had lied until 10.00am as he picked up the morning, made a cup of tea,a bacon and egg sandwich. As sat down to eat, his phone rang as the yellow yolk run out of his eye, just as he liked.

" Hi, Mark!"

" Hi Jacky, I didn't expect you to call me as I made everything so quick for you."

" I thought I scared you on Saturday, Jacky."

" No you didn't scar me at all, Mark."

Jacky was a very shy young lady.

" Sorry if I seem a little quite, I have learning disabilities."

Jacky was a nervous, embassy and ashamed to tell anyone about her LD but she knew she had to tell people because her needs would understood but mostly it didn't make any difference. Even if you have nothing to be ashamed of society can still make you feel guilty about the way LD affects you.

" It's problem to me Jacky, I will try to understand your needs as much as possible, nothing puts me off."

Jackey started to feel good about herself, she had believed that she had met the man who was going to look after her for the rest of her life. That's what he promised but he lied. At this put she had no idea, love was blind and she believed his lies because he told all the things that sounded good to her. She believed because didn't have disabilities that life was going to be perfect for her. She didn't understand there's no perfect world.

" How does your LD, affect you Jacky?"

" My LD affects me in a lot of areas of life, Mark."

" I can't have children, it's not point of what and do want, my choices are very limited."

" Would you like children, Jacky?"

" Yes, I would I love them but no."

" Is this because of your disability?"

" Yes is, Mark."

Mark found it hard to know what to say to Jacky without hurting her feelings. He still felt as if he was going too quick for her.

" Sorry if I am going to quick for you, Jacky."

" That's alright Mark, you are not going to quick for me at all."

" Would you like to see me again, Jacky."

" Yes I would thank you, Mark."

" Phoning could be costing us a lot in money, Jacky so what about us planning our next dating and I can save your number in my phone."

" Good idea Mark, thabk you."

Chapter One Speed Dating without Speed Dating.

2010-09-18T06:01:00.000-07:00

It was 6.00pm when Mark Jones was wondering around the City streets of Wolverhampton on a wet rainy evening. It was rough cold and wildly. His jet black curly hair and leather jacket was soaked to the skin. Mark had a long bad day at work when he didn't normally work on a Saturday. Never the less he still had a look around to see where he could find a good pint of beer, he just took luck.

It was 7.00pm when Mark walked into the Lighthouse. Mark was a unknown person, he came from West Brom.

Mark spoke to the barmaid who also had jet black hair but in a bun. She had told there was a Speed dating event for people with learning disabilities just about to start. Mark thought it sounded fun even though he didn't have LD himself.

" Can I watch to see what it's like."
" Well you will have to sit away from this bar but you can still see what's going on,"

" Oh great, thanks."

Mark found it very interesting, as he caught his eye on long blonde haired Jacky Mind. What he also found interesting was how the men took it turns to talk to each woman, the fact the women didn't have to move.

Mark hated to try his luck with Jacky because she was one of Speed Dating members but he found her so attractive. The thought that she may have hit a date with someone made him feel jealous but he tried his luck in the end anyway. Mark was dieing for the event to be finished so he could chase Jacky out of the door. Mark felt ashamed feeling how he felt, he thought he may have scared her, which wasn't what he wanted to do.

It was 9.00pm when the event ended, as he followed her out of the door then stopped. She looked surprised and wondered what this strange man wanted from her. Jacky was just about to get her bus home when Mark stopped her.

" Sorry to make you jump and sorry this is so sudden, would you like my mobile number?"

" It's ok, you didn't make me jump."

"May be we can meet up for a drink sometime, sorry it's so sudden, what is your name lady?"

" My name is Jacky Mind, I will take your number and think about it, what is your name?"

" My name is Mark Jones."

" You don't have to ring me if you don't want to Jacky, this was a bit unexpected for you."

" Can I take you to the bus stop, Jacky, how are getting home."
" I am getting the bus, yes I would like you to take me to the bus stop, thank you."

" That's no problem, Jacky."

They walked to the 559 bus stop, as they made it just in time. Mark manged to just kiss Jacky on the cheek, as the driver was in such a hurry to go.

Mark started to feel guilty as he felt strongly about Jacky too quicky but he would have accepted it if she didn't contract him. He thought he may have scared her away. He felt very anry with himself. He only thought about his own feelings in the end not how Jacky felt. Her long blonde hair and her blue eyes were only on his mind. He ended up building Jacky's hopes up far too much. His lies promising a world that he couldn't give to her. Yet by chasing her too quick, he thought he blew it.

ACTION SPEAK LOUDER THAN WORDS.

2010-09-18T03:16:00.000-07:00

CHAPTER ONE INTRODUCTION

We are all told that we are all born for a reason. Life is very strange to the reasons why we are here yet it's too short then we died. We don't expect good all the time but it's nice to have the rights to make the most of this short life.
When you have learning disabilities that isn't always possible to everyone because your choices are limited to what you can do and have to wait until if someone can support you.

Nine out of ten times the rest of the world doesn't stop to think, they are wrapped up in their own lives. We should have equal rights life we hate feeling the odd ones out to the rest of society. Most people don't stop to think about how LD would affect their lives.

Most people tend to think that we think enjoy asking for help all the time, we don't just like you wouldn't.

How can life be what you make it, if you haven't got any or limited choices?
Achieves what they want to achieve but how many people with learning disabilities? I am not saying that goes for everyone in the world of people with LD but most people.

Let's not jump any guns as every LD is different some people have limit choice but others have no choices at all. We understand in some cases you can't always help 100% but you can learn to understand. An example of choice is, what to have for breakfast in the morning. I am Lucky I am not limit to that choice but some people are. There other choices in life that I am limited to. Everyone is different, you learn in the person. For eg; two people with the same LD may not find the same things hard. Just expect anything you come across.

We are told it's a free country, it's a free world. Saying that it would be a dangerous world if were able get up to no good all the time so we need a balance our choice. Changing the subject slightly it's very important to teach children right from wrong from the start otherwise they don't grow up to be nice people. These days they can do what they want because the law won't let adults put them on the right track like we used to be able to.

Most people have choices and control when it comes to their lives others don,t in circles of people with and without LD. Friendships and relationships are very hard thing anyway but when you have LD you are hard work to society and your can only be equal so much or not at all. This isn't to wave magic wands but raise awareness, that apply to all areas of our lives. When it comes to friendships and relationships lack communication and understanding can affect how we get along with people. We understand that lots of people have had failed relationships it wouldn't surprise me if people with LD than without. This is something I should have checked in my research but I will and I will let you know about % and everything. Here's an example of of lack of communication and understanding.See if you can google find out how many people with LD have had failed relationships compared to people without. Please email me on sarajgorman@googlemail.com to tell me what you have found out, thank you.

" Please cook my breakfast."
" Cook your own."
" No because everytime I try to cook, I burn myself."
" I will but your having egg on toast."
" I don't want egg on toast,I want a fri up, please help me cook it."
" No I will cook egg on toast for you."
" How am I can I learn if your doing it for me."
" I haven't got all day I have other things to do."

This is a completely different topic to friendships and relationships but it's still an example of a person with a LD trying to make themselves understood. It's not a nice a thing because you want to do things yourself but you have learned to accept that you can't for so long because you have always been controlled. That person is refusing to help than person instead he or she is doing it for them? Is it right or wrong? Is that person without LD helping that person with LD to learn how to cook or not? Try and guess how the person with LD felt after all that, let's hear your story of what may have afterwards. Make up your own story about the two characters with and without LD. Tell me how much you understand about LD. How do you think the person with LD must have behaved towards the person without he or she cooked he or she's breakfast? Did the person with LD want egg on toast? Please email me on sarajgorman@googlemail.com
thank you.

It's strange to think that Mark was writing an Advert for the Wolverhampton Express and Star. How could anyone lie about what he wants? The strange thing was, he met Jackey Mind before he put the Advert in the paper.
Long blonde hair, blue eyes, leather jacket, 5.4 in height, a female with learning disabilities. Someone who likes red, wine and pizzas.

Mark was 37 years of age, jet black hair, dark brown, 5.8 in height
and wore a black leather jacket.
Mark used to be a guitarist who used to be Self-Employed in shop work, became a Fireman and then fixing cars. A lot of these things happened before he met Jacky. Mark was hoping to make fame but he could'nt sing but he could play the guitar.

The story I am introducing and writing is about a young lady 27, with LD, her name was Jackey Mind. What do think was going through her mind? Her choices to her life were controlled by society. She felt like the odd one out to the rest of society. ( How would you feel in Jackey's shoe?

Cutbacks on LD services.

2010-09-13T01:36:00.000-07:00

We all know there's big worry about these cutback for everyone and all services not just for people with LD. These cutbacks are more a worry for people with LD, families and carers because we need more support to live our lives. These are the things I'm aware of that the government is cutting back on, DLA, Incapacity and Housing benefit, transport, police, libraries, colleges and other public services. For eg; Social care. If these cutbacks are affecting you in anyway as a person with disabilities and Mental Health problems, Elderly, family members, parents and carers. Please contract me on sarajgorman@googlemail.com I am a learning Disability MP People's Parliament. I can report your views to the rest of the LD MPS, then write to the Houses of Parliament to make them aware of your views.

People with learning disabilities have talent.

2010-08-28T08:00:00.000-07:00

Not long ago, I got a Chirsty Brown's life story of Wolverhampton library, it's called ' My LEFT FOOT' I have read it, it's very good. He had Cerebral Palsy, he could pain, draw and write with his left foot. I also read about his disability made life hard for him. For example finding it hard to communicate with people, he found it very hard to talk. This made him feel very alone in the world. 'MY LEFT FOOT' was also a film. Daniel Day Lewis played Christie Brown, he won a award for it in 1989. To find out more about Christie Brown and ' MY LEFT FOOT' google it in.

If you have disabilities,is the famous people who have your disabilities and your talent? For example I have Epilepsy and I love writing stories and poetry. Charles Dickens had Epilepsy and he was also a Novelist writer, he wrote short stories and poetry too. Please email me on sarajgorman@googlemail.com if you wish to tell me about your disabilities and talent.

Agatha Christie had dyslexia just like me, she was a crime writer. I share Asperger Syndrome an my writing talent with Virgina Woof, Shakespeare, Goethe, Isacc Asimov, Emest Vincent Wright and Charles Dickens.

I share Dyspraxia and writing with Emily and Charlotte Bronte, Samuel Taylor Coleridge, Emest Hemingway, Jack Kerouac, Hans Christian Anderson and George Orwell.

What is Dyspraxia?

Dyspraxia can cause you to have bad co-cordation problems, motor skills problems, gripping and etc can be very hard for people like us.

Foe example gripping a pencil, knife, fork, feeding skills, fastening buttons, tieing shoe laces, cooking, cleaning teeth, apply cometrics, styling hair, opening jars, opening packets, locking and unlocking doors.

Body movements.
Poor timing, bad balance, falling over easy, tripping over one's feet, clumsly, knocking and banging into people

Dyspraxia is also a Mental as well as Psychical disability, which isn't much different to Dyslexia apart from both words aren't that much different to spell either. How strange? The only difference is that Dyslexia isn't a Psycisal disability really.

Not everyone who has the same disabilities finds the same things hard. Just expect anything off anybody and any disability. Some people's skills get better than they used to be but others don't. These disabilities can also affect some people's speech.

It could have happened to you.

2010-08-27T06:49:00.000-07:00

You need to think about how about if you needed extra support in everything you want, need and do. For example cooking, washing, dressing, reading, writing, cleaning, shopping and so the list goes on forever. ( How would you cope and feel?)
Everyone has different kinds of disabilities. Each disability can make peoples' lives hard in different ways. People can get more than one disability not everyone has the same ones.

Theses disabilities can happen before, during or after birth.

People with LD hate asking for help all the while as much as it much be very hard work for you to help us. Sadly one way or another we need your support whether we like it or not. Neither you or us are to blame for our disabilities, that's just how curl life can be. Let's not let life knock us back, let's get on with it.
We want you to stop to think about if you were us and we were you. ( How would you feel and cope?) The bottom text before answering the question I have just asked.

These are the things people with LD have to face.

Not been able to learn as quick as you.

Not been able to face too many things going on at once.

Easily get confused with too much jargon and information.

There's a limit of what we can do with, without support or and not at all.

On the good side we achieve things slowly.

Some of us can't read but the ones that can have problems with talking information and reading long words that we can jargon words.

Some people can't write but the ones who can have problems with spelling, grammar and etc.

We could have bad co-coronation problems like Dyspraxia.

Numbers for example solving problems.

Not been able to write essays and assignments on time for college or and school.

We may also need help in starting a topic, making sense of it and proof reading it.

On the bright side.

Most people with LD are creative. For example I didn't realize that I could write my life story and short stories until I was 23, even though I have had very limited dyslexia support. When I was 27 I started writing poetry, yet when I was in school I couldn't learn anything. 11 of my poems have been published one each in a book. which amazed me. I have written a Newsletters with support and plus report the Compton Hospice Newsletter where used do work experience.

There people with LD who are famous, here some of them. You could google Famous people with learning disabilities and see what comes up.If you see the names of the people I write down, try to find out what kind of disabilities they have got.

Cher actor/singer, Agatha Christie writer, Winston Churchill Prime Mister. Tom Cruise actor, Thomas Edison inventor, Albert Einstein Physicist/inventor, Whoopi Goldberg actess. Mike Gravel Former Senator, Brue Jenner O Olympic athlete, Magic Johnson basket ball player, Grey Lougannis Olympic driver, Linsley Wagner actess, Henry Winkler, actor.

The big wide world.

2010-08-27T01:49:00.000-07:00

It's hard enough going into adulthood as it is when you have to cope with the big wide world on your own. When you have learning disabilities it's even harder. One of the main things are, everyone wants to learn about what it's like to have friendships and relationships but we also want to be understood, which is a very hard thing for people with LD. This is where we want people without disabilities to learn how to understand us. Many people understand that most relationships and marriages fail but many people with LD aren't given a chance to try that. Many people with LD may lose their relationship because their partner has misunderstood them, it doesn't have to make a difference whether their partner has LD or not. Some aren't honest with people with LD, for example telling them that they can take their LD on board, love us,support us and look after us but give us courage to live our lives with a balance of been caring but not too over protective. I believe that everyone should have that in their partner whether they have LD or not.

Through the hard barriers we have had to face, this generation of people with LD want to make life easier for the next generation of people with LD by training and educating people without LD about LD.

Bad things can happen to anyone in friendships and relationships but life very can be very lonely if you have no one at all. People with LD are the people who are most likely to be lonely because we get misunderstood the most. Communication is a big thing for everyone not just people with LD but there are easy special aids people LD can used but due to lack of money not everyone can have access to them. No one is saying that people with LD are only ones who are left out. In other words classed as the odd one out. Everyone deserves someone whether it's your friends, a lover or both.

Take more time to learn how know and understand people with LD.Just think it could have been you, in other words put yourself in someone Else's shoes.

Try the easiest way of getting to know someone, which is well at least for anyway. Yes, ask people with LD, what is the easiest way of getting to know them.

For example ask them what their interests and hobbies are then support them to ask you the same question. In other words ask them to ask you the same question. This may help them because they may not know what to ask you.

Up to date work news

2010-08-26T05:16:00.000-07:00

At the Access All Areas Now! has been very slow because we have been trying to fight for funding to build the business. Me, Jess and Andy are hoping to go on a Teaching and Management course. There will be a meeting soon to sought out what's happening. Work has been hard to get anyway due to the summer holiday but hopefully things will start picking up.

I one of many of people with learning disabilities have become MPs for the peoples' Parliament with the support of a Self - Advocacy group called Changing Our Lives who are MPs themselves.At the moment we are going through some leadership training.

During the summer my computer crashed but I still managed to do a bit of work on learning disability, friendship and relationships awareness. I have been writing a story called ' Action Speaks louder than Words'

It's about a woman with a learning disability named Jackie from Wolverhampton who goes speed dating at the Lighthouse chub building. A young man name Mark who doesn't have LD walks in, he gets told he needs to drink away from the restaurant part even though can still see the speeding dating going on. He liked the way different men were talking to different women. When the event finished at 9.00pm,Mark managed to give Jackie his phone number then walked to the bus stop. Jackey wasn't sure at first but she rang him before her speed dating results came through.

They had two dates, one on the phone and other at Jackie's house. They tried the Moon Under Water' but it was too packed out a Saturday night without any seats and they couldn't hear one another.
It turned out Mark promised Jackie the world, that he'd support her to move in with him, have his child, help her look after it and etc. As sooner as Jackie became pregnant he kicked her out of his house and decided he wanted women did have disabilities and who didn't need support, when Jackie had told him everything about her disabilities and the help she needs, he promised to give but didn't. Jackie lived with friends.
The baby was taken of her very quickly from social services and Mark. Jackie wasn't told what sex the baby was and where he or she was other than Mark putting he or she in and out of care. This led Jackie into very deep depression so badly that the friends she was living with Karen, Hana and the police saved her from taking her life at Beatles car park.

In the end she moved on, she did an English and creative at Bilston college, social services housed her in Bradmore and she found herself a new companion in life named Alex, what Alex was like is up to you readers to decide but he was a lot better than Mark.

LD AND HEALTHCARE FOR HEALTH STAFF AND HEALTH STUDENTS

2010-06-26T06:48:00.000-07:00

INTRODUCTION `Access All Areas!` hope we are giving something about in the Health care of people with LD. Only because LD week is over, we still you are going to try and take as many we have raised awareness you about the Health care People with Ld have faced in our past. We hope you can do your best to better Health care. It isn't just treatment it's neglect and lives that shouldn't have been lost.

I am yet to talk to my business partner Jess about us looking Health services to see what has and hasn't got better. Myself having not been seriously ill since 1993, although it's a good thing. I don't know what has changed in the hospitals since then. This something I want see for myself without been ill.

I would like to remind you about the things we have spoke about in our training session and what I have put on my website. I may also put things on my website that we haven't spoke about.

What I have said is that people LD are more likely to die you than people with. It's up to Health to do their job how they should and putting a stop to this. Without over protecting keeping a close eye on people with LD for the sake of Health and Safety.
What we didn't make you aware of is it can be hard for people with LD to put trust into Health staff when they have had bad experiences of Health in the past. It well be hard for adult with LD to put trust in the future but if we can creative a good future for today's children we will have better future for tomorrow's adults. It's up to you to prove that you can help people Ld and the people support them to put trust in you. This can scar people away from Health care once they don't feel as if they are not been looked after and cared for. Put yourself in our shoes. Health care is better than it used to be but not good enough. Make a start of stopping bad Health care to tell past Health staff how they should have been taught even though it's not their fault that society was so in the dark in those days.

I spoke to a Gp at my doctors about Health and LD awareness. He told me that they called out most people with LD for appointments but they don't seem to make them or even turn up. I think because of Health care in the past, which I have faced myself people are scared of Health staff. Today's health staff will have a hard job to get most people with LD who have lived 20 to 40 years or more to access the Health services. For eg; I myself have changed my GPS because I wasn't happy at my last one. I stopped going for roughly 12 mouths or more, then I felt brave enough to change my GPS with a bit of help from a support worker.

How can you make Health care better for people with LD?

Me, Andy and Jess are also part of a Self Advocacy group called Our Shout supported by Mencap as well as Access All Areas NOW! even Andy isn't self employed yet. We go to lots of different meetings talking about different things, one subject is the Health care of people with Ld. We all that Health care needs to get better for people with LD. aT LOT OF health care staff find it hard to communicate with people with Ld. They need to learn about Health care we want and need. Most of us have problems with.

Talking, listening, reading, writing talking information in and explaining ourselves to people's understanding. Even a lot of people who support people with LD have problems understanding professions. It's very important for people with Ld to educate all professions. Without communicating and understand one another is useless. If you look around my website I hope I hope I have explained enough for you to understand how with Ld communicate but as different people have different disabilities we all communicate in different.

The law says that Health services need to make changes to how people LD want our Health services. People with LD believe that there are not enough changes made.

People who support people with LD find it hard to make themselves heard as well as people with LD ourselves. Things are better to what they were but we still have a long way to go. Health staff don't know enough about LD. They need to learn about you all need to learn about our needs and wants. Most people with LD find it hard to say how feel. This is why we get poor Health care, it's up to you to better it.

Sometimes Health staff can't communicate with one another.

The way you give medication out is important.

Type out medication information on the computer in size 14 to 20 font.

Easy words and pictures of people talking medication, the type of medication it is and how much.

Make as clear as possible so we understand.

Use bullet point and even numbers step by step to show us what order we take our medication. Mostly there's a lot of information many of us will find it hard to take. As many short words and sentences as possible. No jargon!

Think of the side effects most medications cause mainly when they can affect people in a big bad way. This can have dangerous affects on people's lives. Keep trying until you find the right medication for people.

If you came to our training session on Monday 21st June 2010 for LD week, you may have heard say that you must study the Mental capacity Act it's law!!!!!! I am now reminding that I have also typed it somewhere on this website if look very carefully, I think it's on the next page Learning Disability Health 2010.

What asked advised you to do in the LD week report is study the Health Action plan. There's good information but I believe there may be missing information. For eg; if someone passes out alone out and about they need records of their medication, gp, people with are supporting them, caring for them and etc.

I will also remind you, which was in our Training session and on this website on LD week report that you need to be studying Disability Discrimination Act, which law to study it if you are working in any field of LD.

PCP Person Cente Plan is also is also important to study to give people with LD our own choice and control in life.

All these things you can find websites for, put in your search engine or if you haven't got a lot of access to the internet you could search the book shops or even the libraries to see if there are books on the Health care of people with LD.

The NHS have very little training in the Health care of LD. I have put a lot of important information on this website for you to study. I hope to put new information on for you in the future.

Try to better attitudes.
Respect people with LD.
Be more patient with us.
Treat us with dignity.

Stronger action should be taken to give better Health care. Department of Health should tell all local services to do their work to the ability of LD. There are Directed Enhanced services for people with LD.

Health check ups one or twice a year.
Support for people if and when we need and want it.
Help us to communicate.
Better and clearer information for us to read and understand.
More pictures for those of us who can't read and write.
Most of us can't take information in so we may need support to do so.

Health study cases for LD week.

2010-06-08T01:56:00.000-07:00

Study case 1. Mr Jones is eighteen years old.
He was send to a mental impairment service from the Children team nine mouths prior to his eighteenth birthday.

At the time he was living in a supported flat with 24 hour 1 to 1 support from a private run domiciliary care service, where he had resided for about one year.

He was diagnosed Autism and depression, for which he was prescribed medication by the children's psychiatrist.

At the time he was told that he had severely behavior problems, he had attacked staff several times a week.

This caused a high level of staff sickness to injury or stress.

He has had threaded members of the public.

He often went out to meet young women, that he had relationships with.
He was well known to the police service, who had been called out many times because of his violence behavior towards staff.

He was in court many times for assault and threatening behavior and been detained in young offenders institution twice.

Shortly after his referral, he was again detained in a prison which was 150 miles away from the service.

The mental impairment service attended two reviews at the prison and traveled to see him during his period of detention.

The remain prior to his eighteenth birthday was to gather information and liaise with children's' services.

It was clear that due to his level of learning disability he was not coping well in prison.

The service advised him that psychiatric assessment was done during his time of detention , with a view to finding him a hospital near his home area, and planned for a local psychiatrist to travel to the prison and carry out the assessment.

However, before he could be moved, his time of detention ended and he was released back to his old address.

He was placed on a higher level of 24 hour care with two or three staff at all times.

He has been detained on a low secure unit many times in order to treat episode of psychosis.

A few mouths later, the housing and support provider felt after many attacks, they couldn't give support any longer to Mr Jones due to his behavior.

He was evicted from the property. An emergency referral was then made to an alternative care provider which was based about 60 miles away from his home.

He was moved to another supported flat with 24 hour support from two staff.

A mouth of residing in this placement he again turned up in court following previous assaults and was remanded in prison. At this point he turned eighteen.
He was officially moved to the mental impairment service on the day of his 18th birthday.

Shortly after this, a move to this a move to a low private secure therapeutic facility was planned under section 37 of Mental Health Act. The unit is 156 miles away from Mr Jone's home.

People with LD and Mental Health problems can be misunderstood but it doesn't that everything is down to LD and Mental Health.

Some people may be unaware of what they could be saying or and doing.
There are all different kinds behavior problems.

For eg; I understand that crime can be a serous thing, I feel for people when they lose the people they love.

No is saying that people with Ld should be treated any different because of there LD but there needs to be awareness of balance if it comes to a case of a person with LD who hasn't been aware of what they may have done until they have told in a prison but at the same time we must understand the feeling of the victims loved ones.

The person with LD may be very angry with themselves to a point they could take they own life because they wouldn't be able to stand a life time in prison.

I am not saying all people with LD don't know what they are doing but for the ones don't wouldn't do such crimes if it hadn't of been for their problems.

Some causes could be done to LD, Mental problems or and the side affects of most medications. Health staff need to looking into these things so these people don't put themselves through these things.

Case 2 com pair Mr Jone's case with mine as a child.

I was on heavy medication as a child, which caused my behavior problems which didn't give me any excuse. On the other hand, I can gladly my behaviour problems weren't bad enough to commit a crime.

I found it hard to pay attention in the day time at school and I was hyperactive at night.
I think I was over tried, the medication made very dreamily and sleepily in the day time yet strangely I wouldn't rest if I had the chance of a nap.

Since I have come off those tablets I haven't those problems have stopped.

Back then I would just lose my temper any time, any place and anywhere, kick and scream the place down.

In shops I would pull the items off the shelves.

For eg; if I couldn't tie my shoes laces, I would get very angry.

I used to think that the world was more cleverer than.

I thought I was the only person couldn't cope with every day life skills. The world seemed very big to me when I was little.

It's a wonder I did not commit crimes, with the strength of the tablets I was on, it made so unaware of the world around me.

When I came off the tablets at the age of 12 because I was having less fits slowly I became aware of the world around me and my behavior problems calmed down.

My questions are to you, there's no right or wrong answers, I am just interested what you think.

How do you think my life would have ended up now if I was still on those dangerous tablets? Do you think I would have ended up like Mr Jones or not?
Lucky for me I didn't to take these tablets for the rest of my life, even they thought Health staff at that time though I was going to have to always depend on those tablets for life.

Please send me an email on sarajgorman@googlemail.com.

Phenobarbital (phenobarbitone) I think I took 3 to 500mgs One tablet three times a day,that's how dangerous the medication was for a child or any human being any age.
I read a bit of history about the tablets, the purpose was to help the soldiers sleep in the 1st or and 2nd world war.
My children was in the 1970s.
If you would like to research it on the Internet Health staff and Health students.

If you research this please send an email me to let me know what you have found out.

Case three. Mr Smith is twenty - six years old West Indian man with mild LD and psychotic disorder for which he receives prescribed medication.
He has a long history of petty offence rs for which he has been arrested and in court many times.
These include burglary, theft and minor drug offences.

He is very well known to the local police.

He had spent five years on offender register due to previous sex offenders against a girl under age sixteen.

Mr Smith resides in the area he has moved to different rented places over the years.
He often fails to keep appointments and very guarded about his whereabouts, making it hard to engage effectively with him.

He finds it hard to help himself and many of his placements have failed. His currently saying with family and is soon to be evicted.

It is known that Mr Smith does not adhere voluntary to his medication regime.

Mr Smith is very hard to house due to his history of unstable tenancies, and his offending behaviour.

He had just been arrested for burglary and his court case has been put on hold for two mouths.
There has been an ongoing issues with the police as he and his family feel that his LD is not taken into account by police or professions with the criminal justice system.

He has taken custody many times with no request for an appropriate adult, or any support from health or social services.

Why do you think Mr Smith committed the crimes he had done?

Do you think by the sounds of cases he meant to commit these crimes or not?

Make notes on the balance of the feelings of the victims and Mr Smiths feelings in case of if he didn't know what he was doing. How do you think he felt when he became aware?

In the case that he may of meant to commit these crimes what do you think should happen to him because of his LD?

What should to happen to him if he didn't know what he was doing?

What do you think caused it he didn't mean to do? LD, Mental Health problems or even the medication he's taking.

Do you think he may be misunderstood? Without excuses there may be all kinds of possibilities but we need to understand the feelings of the victims, families, lovers and friends.

Health students and Health staff, if you want to answer these questions, you may be able to research Mr Smith's LD on the internet. Please email if you want if you answer to try to answer these questions.

Learning disabilities' experince with the NHS.

2010-05-26T05:41:00.001-07:00

NHS FAILS TO ACCOMMODATE PATIENTS WITH A LEARNING DISABILITY IN SINGLE SEX WARDS.

On the 12th December 2007, I read a Mencap report on the NHS not having people with learning disabilities sleeping single sex wards in the hospital. At the time there was a debate between safety and privately, which a balance between the two. We all need to be safe but also need to be private, mainly when it comes down to washing, dressing and going to the toilet for eg;. I had a meeting with Debra Edwards who was the Patient Experience leader at that time. I told her that there needs to be a balance between the two.

Back in 1993, I had an operation on my throat because I had a mild cancer lump. At the time I had been in hospital twice at the Eye, Ear, Norse and throat hospital in Shrewsbury.
The first time I was in hospital, I was in a mixed men and womens' ward, which wasn't private and I hated it.

My Mother complained about it.
When I had to go in to hospital the second time I had a private room with a alarm so I could when I wanted to go to the toilet because I had a fall the first time I was in that hospital.

Like everyone I hate hospitals but the second time I was in that hospital was better than the first. That's balanced between been private and safe.

I never got to know what has got worse or better over this report written in 2007 because it got the stage that the hospital meetings were clashing with the Accessible information meetings.

6th December 2007

A major report published today has revealed that learning disability services are failing to accommodate inpatients with a learning disability in single sex wards.

'Count me in 2007: The 2007 national census of inpatients in mental health and learning disability services in England and Wales' found that 60% of inpatients in NHS and independent learning disability hospitals and facilities were not in a single ward.

The census is a joint initiative between the Health Care Act Commission, the Care Services Improvement Partner and the National Institute for Mental Health in England.

David Congon, Mencap's Head of campaigns policy at said "It's disgraceful that the majority of patients in learning disability services were not in single sex wards.

"By treating patients with a learning disability in mixed sex wards the NHS and independent health care providers are failing to provide a service that maintains their privacy and dignity at a time when they are most vulnerable. WWW.healthcommission.org.uk

Mencap's death Indifference report.

2010-05-26T05:41:00.000-07:00

INTRODUCTION TO MENCAP'S DEATH INDIFFERENCE REPORT.

Mencap wrote a report called 'TREAT ME RIGHT.' IN 2004.

It said that people with learning disabilities have worse health than other people.

Mencap think it's because people with learning disabilities don't get the treatment and Health care that we need.

Sometimes this can mean people with learning disabilities can die at a younger than other people. Mencap thinks it's very bad and it shouldn't happen.

'TREAT ME RIGHT.' Report said important changes need to be made to better Health care and treatment. Not enough has changed.

Since Mencap wrote ' TREAT ME RIGHT' Mencap heard that six people with learning disabilities have died because they didn't receive the right Health care and treatment.

Not only do I agree with Mencap and 'TREAT ME RIGHT' I also believe from my own experience of Health care that they were neglected.

As shocking as it is, it doesn't surprising to me when I have had learning disabilities myself for just over 40yrs since the day I was born.

It tells me that not a lot has changed for people with learning disabilities.'Come on let's get better Health care for the future of learning disability'.

EMMA. Emma has a great sense of humour.

Emma loved pulling funny faces for a laugh.

Emma had wonderful smiles that lit up the room up.

Emma died of cancer in 2004 at the age of 26.

Emma had a severe learning disability that made it hard to let people know how she felt.

Doctors thought Emma didn't agree to have the treatment for her cancer, so they didn't do anything to save her.

Mencap wants to know.

If doctors would have treated Emma, would she still be alive?

Why didn't Emma receive the right treatment and Health care?

May be Emma tried to tell the doctors but she may have found it hard to make her understood, which has happened to me and many other people learning disabilities at many times.

Why wasn't Emma given anything for the pain?

Please read the Death Indifference report on WWW.mencap.org.uk or tap Mencap's Death Indifference report in the search engine.

MARTIN. Martin loved smiling, going out and listening to music.

Martin loved to get behind the wheel of a car.

Martin died in hospital, he hadn't had any food for 26 days.

He died on the 21st December 2005.

Martin had a severe learning disability without any speech.

Martin had a Stroke and Pheumia, which was an infection in his lungs.

Martin was put on a drip, living on water and sugar.

MARK. Mark was 30 yrs of age when he died.
8 and a half wks before hand he was admitted to hospital with a broken leg (femur).

He was clearly distressed and in pain. , but he had to wait 3 days for the pain team to see him. Mark died on 29th August 2003.

I believe that the Pain team must have been to blame leaving Mark in pain for 3 days. How many people in the world died of a broken leg not very many if any.

TED, Ted was 61 yrs of age when he died, he was dischanrged 3 after being admitted to hospital despite his condition having been assessed as 'concerning.'

He collapsed and died on 27th May 2004.

He had a severe learning disability and virtually no speech.

How can we explain Ted's unexplained death?

No one can explain how.

A hospice consultant recommended that 20 yr old Tom's pain was investigated by gastroenterologist over a year before he died.

No action was taken until it was far too late.

Tom's expression of pain wasn't listened to, he died 25th May 2004. He had profound and multiple learning disabilities.

WARREN, Warren was 30 when he died following perforation of the appendix. His Mother and Father repeatedly asked whether Warren had appendicitis or a blocked bowl when they saw the doctor.

They told them that he had a virus. Warren died on the 25th September 2004.

He had a severe learning disability and very little speech but couldn't make himself understood to his family.

Read more of this on Mencap's Death Indifference report website or search engine.

Mencap want to know.

Why didn't Martin have any food for 26 days?

Why didn't the hospital give Martin better Health care?

About this report.

Mencap wrote this report to educate and train people on learning disability and Health.

Mencap believe that people get treated unfairly in Health care services.

There's still a lot of discrimination against all races, which is wrong. Why should people stop living their lives to how they want whether they have a race or not?

People's needs aren't understood whether they have disabilities or not. People's need to be met whether they have disabilities or not. These things can happen for a long time before people know it's wrong.

People need to understand learning disability.

Mencap believes that!

People who make the decisions about Health care don't think people with learning disabilities' lives are important as theirs.

In 2006, the government said that people with learning disabilities don't always get treated equally to other people. Not many changes have been made since.

Health care professionals do not understand learning disability.

Staff aren't given enough educating or training to understand learning disability.If staff have wrong ideas about learning disability, no one tells them it's wrong.

The Disability Rights commission has found Health care professionals sometimes confuse the signs that show someone is ill when they have learning disabilities. This is diagnostic over shadowing.

Health care professions don't listen to families/ carers and they don't listen to people with learning disabilities.

People with learning disabilities don't always get our say or choices to our Health situations.

Our chooses should be supported.

It's seems that what Health staff and family/carers have control over people with learning disabilities live when they talk about our health, we need to learn how to speak for ourselves.

Even people who can't speak have another form of communication that people need to learn to understand, go along and learn to communicate in the way.

(How would you like not being understood?) Each each and everyone of us has a voice, thoughts and feelings just like you do.
Families/ carers notice if the people they care for are acting differently and can see if the person is upset or and in pain.

Only because we may find hard to make ourselves clear enough for you to understand us doesn't mean we don't feel anything.

If it's really hard to understand at least find out whether we are happy or sad, even if you can't do anything about it.

May be most us may be able to tell you the reasons why we feel like we feel. At least bare our reasons in mind if you can't help us.

In all cases Mencap looked at this report, to find out that most families/carers are ignored by Health professions knowing very well about the worries they have for the people they care for.

Families/carers should always be listened to so should people with learning disabilities main when we are in pain or whatever the situation could be.

Service providers need to learn how to balance the say of families/carer and the people with disabilities whatever the situation is.

Try to encourage the person who is supporting the person with learning disabilities to be more supportive than over protective.

Everyone who gives treatment should understand laws and consent. If they understood the laws better, people with a learning disability would get what we need and want.

Health professionals don't always see the lives of people with disabilities are just as important as everyone's.
Mencap thinks that Health staff don't think people with disabilities' lives are important to save and worth living.

The lives of people with learning disabilities should be important as much as everyone's. Health care professionals shouldn't really decide that a person's life isn't worth living just because they have learning disabilities.

What Mencap wants to happen.

Mencap wants the case reports to be looked at in an independent inquiry.

There are 6 stories about people with learning disabilities in the main report. These are called cases.
Mencap want all the 6 cases in the independent inquiry.

This means people who have not been involved in the cases will look at the cases altogether. They will try to find out the reasons behind the 6 deaths, what needs to change and what lessons need to be learned to stopped these things from happening again.

At the moment it takes too long for a complaint to be heard.
Families/carer are upset over the people who loved, looked and cared for who died.
Mencap's question why do families/carers have to wait for a complaint to be heard?

Why do people have to wait so long for a response?( Services need to find out what happened, why and how. Family/carers need clear information to their rights.

Mencap wants the Health care commission to have more money to do this job better.

We want it done easy, quick and accessible for people with learning disabilities to make complaints and to get the answers to the reason for these bad things happening.

Nothing can bring back the 6 people who died.

Their families want to know why the people who they loved died so early, when there might
have been better Heath care, they needed to be taken care of and better treatment for them.

Mencap has written this report because we want to stop people with a learning disability from dieing so early in life.

We need to train and educate Health care staff to give them the right Health care, look after them and give them the right treatment when being in hospital or anywhere they are but also for them to have equal lives with the right support.

Mencap's website is also linked to mine.

You could send me an email if you want to on sarajgorman@googlemail.com

UNDERSTANDING ANXENTYAND DEPRESSION.

2010-05-09T03:15:00.000-07:00

Anxiety and depression is linked into my learning disability.

Anxiety and depression is bad for enough anyone.

Everyone suffers from Anxiety and depression one way or another.

Sadly there's not enough said about stress I think we need to raise Stress awareness for everyone, that includes people with LD and Health problems.

Some people don't know that some people stuffer LD and Health problems together, that's what I have otherwise I wouldn't have known that.

Anxiety and depression are forms of stress in every ones' lives.

Many things can get on top of people, paying bills, not enough work, too much work, marriage, relationships, children and even loneliness.

It's very hard to make a balance to keep healthily and happy.

This can be why a lot of people can turn to smoking, drugs and etc.

When you have learning disabilities there can be a lack of support off society because we are slow and find it harder to cope with our lives than other people yet we are more easy ill than other people.

Stress, Depression and Anxiety can last short term or for life.

If you think about it we can all stuffer stress one way or another.

It's so easy to worry about things that you didn't need to but with somethings you were right doing so.

If you would like to have more understanding with the Mind.

You may learn whats, whys and hows the Mind is or can be affected.

Tap Mind in the Google engine or whatever you have got.

WWW.mind.org.uk

Save it in your favorites or Bookmarks.

Whatever Health problems and disabilities are we have enough stress with that on it's own.

We understand for eg; that we have to pay our bills like everyone else but with the problems we have already, we have double stress.

You feel tense.

You panic and worry about things that aren't as bad as they seem.

For eg; when I leave home to go anywhere I check my bag and my front door to make sure I have locked the door, remember my keys, bus passed and etc.

Touch wood I only forgot my money and phone once and had to travel from town back home to get, lucky I wasn't working at the time.

It seems like the end of the world when someone in your life dies or when your relationship breaks down.

You feel as if the world is controlling you.

I panic when I walk into services, load of people give me different answers to one question.

For eg; Is this benefit right for me?

I can't cope with too much jargon and too much information.

To be truthful the answer is either yes or no not both.

Managers need to inform all staff on what the rules are otherwise it confuses people.

Sometimes crowds can panic me where there are too many people around me.

I am a bit better than I used to be.

It can depend where I am and how many people there are.

When I really worry about things, it causes me to have Peta Mal fits.

I am easy misunderstood mainly when I am accessing services, when information doesn't seem straight forward to me.

I always have to have things going on in my life, otherwise I get very angry,depressed and bored.
My Gran died in 2007 and my last relationship broke down for the last time.

If it hadn't of been for Employment Pathways getting me on to Mencap, I don't know how I would have coped with my life now.

The first longest my relationship broke up at the end of 1996, which was two and a half years.

Now when I think about it wasn't that long yet after been apart 4 years, I gave him a second chance that lasted seven years.

Now there's no going back.

I couldn't stand sitting in the house alone but I wasn't in the mood to talk to people either.

I just used watch the world go by.

At that point I used to drink very heavy, which lasted six to twelve mouths.

I then worked it that couldn't go on like this forever yet I was still having a break down and even feeling as if I wanted to end my life.

Never the less I cut the drinking down and I started writing poetry to get things off my chest.

Employment

2010-05-01T05:12:00.000-07:00

Back in 1999, there were a lot of employers sued for discriminating disability, sex and race.
People with disabilities feel more of a Health and Safety Hazard at home than work. A lot of us stuffer from Anxiety and depression, we need to keep our bodies and minds busy.I spent 13 yrs signing on, which made me very down in myself. Since I have been working 3yrs ago, helping others like myself, I can take anything that life throws at me. My work can at the right time for me just a little before my Nan died and as my last relationship was breaking up.Everyone has the rights to a life, you wouldn't like sitting at home staring at the wall all day long, why should people with disabilities and Health problems. I like to end the days knowing that I have made differences to people's lives.

If you read my report on Access All Area Now and Our Shout I have written about how I am willing to help people like myself to gain a career of their choice whether they want to be employed or Self employed. Baring in mind that Access All Areas Now! has only just started and it need time to build, we have a lot to learn ourselves just yet. We are just on our business plan at the moment.

People with learning disabilities are treated better than they used to be but we still have a long way to go. People's attitudes still need to get better towards people with disabilities. A lot of people with LD, such as myself didn't learn anything at school mostly due to lack of communication and understanding with teachers. A lot of us didn't leave school with qualifications, which made us feel useless.

A lot of us went to college after school, achieving qualifications, not getting job for years or not at all. No one gave us enough support to get work, which meant not giving us enough time or and not enough chances. Not many of us had paid work or we were on training schemes, which was very low pay. Most of us had to spend our time st airing at the four walls at home doing nothing. The people were lucky enough to do something were messed about place to place through discrimination in the work placements or and at college achieving qualifications but not knowing what our future was. We just had to enroll every September, which were mostly the same ones for eg; English and maths. Most people didn't find the course very interesting. Society didn't seem to think many of us were very clever. All we needed was the right support. Why have most of us been given the job all day long when we have been on placements?
This has made us feel like dog's bodies.

Support and attitudes needs to get better. Jobs need to be more interesting, we need to spend our days doing different jobs not the same. Those people like myself with dyslexia need more support. People with LD should train people without LD. We should be given the right support for the LD we have got. No one should be left out no matter what.

There's still too much information and too much jargon. The government or and managers should all staff what our rights so we don't get different information off different people.

There are a lot us with LD who are creative so we should create creative jobs. There still isn't enough people with LD with jobs at all but it's better than it was. Mencap works hard to battle with with government to see that people with LD get our rights. We believe a future for all people with LD when we see it.

People with high support needs need their benefits more than people with mild needs. The government should spend money on the people who need it most otherwise they are also costing themselves too much money. With the right support people with mild LD should get a wage like everyone else. With the right support people with LD accept good and bad in life like everyone. For eg; having to pay tax.

We should be given the right support to learn Health and Safety. We should be given the right support be healthily and safe in all areas of life, which includes the work placements.

Back 2008, Our Shout Self - Advocacy were talking about a Travel Buddy Social Enterprise. This is what Andy and myself from Our Shout read at the Learning Disability Employment play.

People with LD are being encouraged to access community facilities but this will be hard and too much money for those who don't travel independently.

Isolation is a feeling that most people with LD face in the evenings and weekends. There's very little help for these people to get out and about to see, they have never had the chance to achieve this without Families/carers. Many could travel independently with the right support.

A ' Travel Buddy' will help people with LD to travel on pubic transport to get to where they want to go. This will help build Self-stream and potentially lead them becoming independent travellers in the future.

To promote Health and Wellbeing of people with LD by increasing involvement in community based work and activities.

Intensively trained adults with LD to set up a City wide team of paid ' Travel Buddies.'

The proposed service will help encourage social inclusion, promote independence, and give paid work chances.

Many people with LD do not like traveling on ' Special buses to the Day Centres. To up date this report to 2010, we have found out the work we have been doing for the last year that prices have gone up on the Day centre buses. Now many a people with LD who go to these Day Centres could have learned with the right support to travel independently. These people often spend a long time on the transport while others get picked up.

Since 2008 myself and Jessica Bromley have started a business 'Access All Areas Now!' in December 2009. At the moment Access All Areas Now! is just a LD Awareness Training service, which trains all services around LD awareness. We also hope to create a service to support people with LD with all areas of life. We are not building our hopes up but never say never. It will be a long time if it ever does happen. We will work our hardest to see that the Travel Buddy service does happen.

Often people are travelling to Day Centres before going to college in the morning. This means people are taking two journeys instead of one.

Background.

In the past people such as myself from Our Shout Self Advocacy group haven't had any good luck in employment this why we wanted to work for ourselves. At the moment there's only myself and Jess. We hope all of Our Shout be with us but it's a case of more support and funding. One of our areas now we hope to achieve is employing people with LD and creating jobs for people with LD.

Transport has always been a big issue for many people with LD and it was highlighted that there was a need for a travel service to support people with LD to access the communities when people with LD need to and want to.

Aims

The Travel service will give proper paid jobs for people with LD with 1 to 1 support with who wants to use pubic transport to get around.

To help social inclusion people with LD help them to become confident and independent.

To give Wolverhampton a unique bus sevice that supports people with LD help given by people with LD. there are many egs; in other areas of the country where this is working well.

In 2008, Mencap put together a bid for some Eurpopean funding and are continuing to look for other funding chances in case we are successful.

Jess's boyfriend Andy Howell is working with myself and Jess at Access All Areas Now! but he isn't Self - Employed yet but he will soon will be.

Acessible information up date.

2010-04-16T04:36:00.000-07:00

This is how most of us may understand information.

Ask people how they want their information written.

Don't talk too fast.

Slow down if you do talk too fast.

Explain things slowly.

Use Lateral language.

Meaning tone and body language.

Sign language for the death.

Brail for the blind.

Using gestures expression give visual cludes about what you are saying.

Lean Makaton signing.

Not everything is accessible to people's needs and wants.

Accessible information takes time but it is really important.

One size does not fit all.

The most important thing about making information accessible is the people that use it.

Does the person need LARGER PRINT?

Would photos, pictures or and symbols help the person understand information better?

Before taking pictures of building ask staff, managers or and etc first.

Would the person find it easier to access information by watching DVDs or CDs with may be a book to follow the information with the right support if needed?

Never think that every person understands information the same. The best person to ask is the people themselves.

There seems to be a lack of communication and understanding between people with learning disabilities and Service providers. Service providers don't always understand people with learning disabilities. Too much information is hard, people can use too much jargon and language that confuses us.

In the terms of everyday life we are seen as a Health and Safety Hazard to employers and even to the rest of society, with the right support, we should be able to work like other people. Most of us may well be a Health and Safety Hazard but we are also creative people. Most of us can't work fast enough for an employer, if we get the right support this could be balanced. Not all of us can use computers but we have different skills and abilities like all people. These are some of the mistakes most employers make.

We need better face to face contact with people around us.

Better communication.

We need to be more valued by people.

People should be more well mannered towards us, for eg; the tone of people's voices.

How people speak and what they say make them misunderstood like all people.

individualised service.

Think of how you can make information more clear for people with learning disabilities

Most people can't read but even most people who can read can find it hard to take information in.

Keep sentences, words short and as less words as you can.

Headings, titles and important things are better off written in bold size 22, which is bigger than the rest of the text. ( 14 to 20 the rest of the text.)

Some computers don't have as many tools to make information accessible so your writing may have to be written in capital letters and large print to suit most people's needs.

Making information accessible is about making it easier to read and understand.

There different ways to do accessible information for different people.

Using less words.

Making information easy to find.

Using photograph's

Using a "bud dying system," where people have someone to help them go through information with them or ask questions.

Comic San, Ariel or FS Mencap can be bought.

Don't use words that only specialist would understand or acronyms. This means shortening words to a few letters.

Some people want clear coloured with different ink on different coloured paper.

Font 14 - 20 text, headings centred, underlined, bold and size 18 -24.

Most pictures are hard to get hold of so bullet points or numbers may help most of us.

Useful websites that could help you make information accessible to people's needs and wants
WWW.plainenglish.co.uk www.mencap.org.uk www.officefordisability.gov.uk thesaurus.com dictionary.com. ( I know it's not always easy or possible but please try to make words as short as you can, thank you.)

Most people in Wolverhampton have told us that they find photographs easier to understand than pictures ans symbols, which should be your nouns people, places and objects.

Sent information out in at least four weeks before appointments and meeting so people can be ready in plenty of time. This will give people time to understand information and ask for help if they need to.

Think about using a symbol or statement at the end of your information so people can get help to understand the information, if they need it.

You can't always suit people's needs when you are typing information for them but you can support them to read or and understand the information you write but please do your best to make it as accessible as possible, thank you.

BEHALF OF OUR SELF-ADVOCACY GROUPS OUR SHOUT AND OUR TALK.

People with learning disabilities need more time to speak and to be listened to. People without disabilities won't learn their job if they don't listen to people with disabilities. If people with disabilities aren't listened to, then people without disabilities are in the wrong job. Most of us take longer to be understood than other people. People with disabilities are the experts.

PEOPLE WITH DISABILITIES ARE ALL DIFFERENT TOO.

Except anything off people with disabilities like we except anything of you.
Just like all of you are, every person with a learning disability is a different person.
Every person with a disability has different disabilities.
Don't except people with the same disability or and same Mental Health problems to find the same things hard. We are all different as human beings whether we have disabilities or not. 3rd May 2010

UP DATE ON AUTISM.

2010-04-09T01:06:00.000-07:00

The truth is I was never really diagnosed for my Autism.

Many people have asked me. How do I know if I have got Autism?

Bare in mind just over 40 years ago it was an unknown world.

May be I don't have Autism but over the years my family have watch films, read things and watched me cope with my disabilities.

I would like to get diagnosed for once and for all by a doctor whether they will do it after all those years or not I will just have accept that I will never find out for sure.

In those days, it was very hard for families, they still had to work long hours just like families always have done for non disabled children.

There weren't any benefit in those days.

My Mum was only 17 yrs old when she had me.

Nappies were Terry toweling, which she washed until I was five yrs old.

As a child I was fourteen mouths old until I could walked but I couldn't balance very good.

I found it hard to be interested in games with children but I very much made my own games up in my own little world.

I played and talked to my dolls and soft toys.

I never slept at night I just used to cry for hours until I cried myself to sleep. I felt scared of the noses outside on the streets for eg; barking dogs.

When stories were read to me I believed in them, I used to fear the big bad wolf jumping out of my wardrobe.

The family always said I was never very good at affection, which was a lack of eye contact.

In those days no one really knew what Autism was or any disability for that matter.

You just got on with live because you didn't know anything else.

Disabilities weren't known for sure but people always noticed when some people more problems than others but never sure what.

It was almost as if the world was mad at me people didn't understand me.

This made me feel guilty and hated by the world and society.

I used to feel mad with myself not understanding why I was like I was.

I never whether to blame myself for what I couldn't cope or people around me not understanding me. This caused a lack of communication and understanding.

It felt as if was very much disliked because I knew I couldn't seem to please anyone.

There again I am not saying that every fault I have boils down to my disability because each and every one of us has faults.

There are naughty children but back then children then we didn't get away with it.

I used to be on the go all night long but found it very hard to pay at tension in the day, like in school for example, that's why I left school having learned nothing at all.

The cause of having these problems could be the heavy medication I was on at the time and too much sugar and salt in my diet, which we knew very little about back then.

Health staff, families and carers should keep an eye on how the side - affects of medication is affecting people.

Everyone should work as a team to support people if and when they need it but at the same time don't over protect them.

Let people get on with things they can manage but support and teach them how to manage more, give them time to learn.

Tomorrow or another day is another day if it's a bad today.

Keep going until they get there, they will carry on if they want to learn.

If you give up they will.

They will be very upset if you give up on them.
Here's balance for you.

This caused me to be aggressive, kick, lash out, pinch, bit, hit and scream at any time i felt angry.

I believe the medication I was on at that time made me the human being I was.

Myself and my family have said that those tablets back then were far too strong for me.

I think I was on 300 to 500mgs 1 tablet three times a day.

They were also very dangerous tablets, which slowed my awareness down.

Even at the age of ten to twelve I couldn't be out doors on the streets alone, I had no road sense or any direction awareness and I was a danger to myself and people without meaning to be.

People thought I was a danger on purpose.

Without knowing I was going to change, I came off the age of 13, my fits stopped well for 20yrs but little did we know when I came off those tablets.

All of a sudden, slowly I started to be aware of what was going on around me.

My behavior problems started to calm down, I slept better, I started to learn better.
Learning to be safe getting out and about on my own.

This is why I think those tablets affected my life more so than my disabilities.

I became very angry if I couldn't communication.

Everyone seemed to know better than me.

It seemed as if the whole world was clever and I was useless.

One day I learned that I am just a very slow learner and I am not the only one with learning disabilities.

I suffered from bladder and bowl problems, no one understood why.

Even today my bladder is still the same.

I can't seem to make it to the toilet quick enough.

I was in nappies until age of five.

Now that I am lot older I have started Tena Lady,it helps a bit but not much.

People tend to think only because I can walk and talk, I don't have these problems.

We are still trying raise awareness of these things the don't see.

I have a very slight problem with my speech but not much.

When it came to the start of adulthood, I spent five years in a living in job at Camnant Mid Wales New town Powys looking after animals and I also passed a few exams.

I went on to college and I have been on my schemes over the years, plus signing on for 13 yrs.

Now I am helping out with Mencap and Employment Pathways is support me and two other people to have our business.

We are called Access All Areas Now! We are learning disability awareness training service we train services to understand and to be aware of what to except of learning disability.

We hope one day we will create a service to support people with disabilities in all areas of life.

Autism is a life time disability, there are all kinds of Autism.

No one knows what causes Autism but my Mum was neglected at the birth, they called it lack of Oxygen to my brain.

I had fit's, I have dyslexic and I could have Dyspraxia Developmental Co-ordition disorder.

I can't grip very well with my hands, not very good with motor skills riding a bike, driving a car, can't skip and things like that.

Autism is very common these days than it ever was before.

There are 1 in 100 people with Autism, it affect men more than woman I have heard.

Autism can be a communication and social problem, it's so easy to get misunderstood by people.

We can find it hard to understand the danger around us even though I am getting better than I was. b.i.r.d.org,uk or call to either support other children with Autism or may be you know some children with Autism.

If you have any comments you are welcome to email me on sarajgorman@googlemail.com or a send me a message on Facebook. WWW.autism.org.uk/

Learning Disability week Health 2010

2010-04-04T00:44:00.000-07:00

LEARNING DISABILITY AND HEALTH AWARENESS TRAINING PACKAGE.
ACCESS ALL AREAS NOW!
LEARNING DISABILITY AWARENESS TRAINING BY SARA GORMAN, JESSICA BROMLEY AND ANDY HOWELL ON LEARNING DISABILITY HEALTH WEEK 2010,
ON MONDAY 21ST JUNE 2010

Me and Jess will Introduce Andy Howell As our Volunteer on work experience until he get's Self employed. ANDY will be reading a bit about himself in his daft hand writing.

SARA'S INTRODUCTION

In 2008, I wrote a play on how hard it is for people with LD to access work.

In March 2009, I went on a script and screen course to better my writing.

Near to Christmas 2009, I helped Royal Mencap Wolverhampton set up a Disabled writer's group.

I have set up my own business called Access All Areas Now! which can help me raise awareness of learning disability issues.

JESSICA'S INTRODUCTION.

Hi, I am Jessica, I have a learning disability.

I like modelling. I have done 2 runaway shows in the region.

I have been in the Sunday Times as a style st.

In 2009, I traveled to Bulgaria to work with children and adults with Ld.

SARA TALKS ABOUT AIMS AND TARGETS.

To learn what learning disabilities.

To learn about clear information.

WE be raising awareness of health of learning disability.

We understand that not all Health staff in the world will be at our Training session so this Training pack is on my website for all people working in the health of learning disability.

However, if you do work in health, I would like you to send me an email to comment, give your views and tell me what you have learned if anything on this website. Thank you. sarajgorman@googlemail.com

Please tell me in an email what the word learning disability means to you.

DEFINITION

VALUING PEOPLE NOW! IS A NEW PLAN FOR LEARNING DISABILITY IN THE 21 CENTURY.

Valuing PEOPLE NOW! Say learning disability is.

Reduced ability to understand complex information, to learn more skills, to reduce ability to cope doing things without one's support with social functioning and which started before adulthood, with last effect development.

LEARNING DISABILITY.

Learning disability label is a useful purposes, but people with LD always come first.All people wear that label. A label that describes one part of a person but does not capture the whole person.

FACTS 1

LD is how the brain works.

There are many causes of LD but most happen before, during and after a baby is born.

LD can also happen in a injury, illness and may be through diseases.

FACTS 2

A child can be born with LD if certain genes are passed on by a parent.

Downs Syndrome.

Fragile x Syndrome.

Autism Spectrum.

FACTS 3

There are 1.5 million people living with LD in the UK.

Like all people we want different things in our lives but we have different levels of support needs that we need the right support for.

FACTS 4

Most people with LD are treated different to people without, which shouldn't be the case.

We don't have the same choices and control as the rest of society, this needs to get better.

You will come across choice and control in your work, which is the Person centre plan (PCP). You can learn about choice and control from Jill Coleman who is the project manager of a company called Macintyre. Please contract 07825 620339 jill.coleman@macintycharity.org

People with LD face discrimination every day, which is law.

FACTS 5

People with LD are 58 times likely to die under the age of 50 than people without.

80% of Health staff are not trained to treat People with LD.

COMMUNICATION 1

Health is one of all areas of life we raise awareness about. This is why we set up Access All Areas Now! There's a lack of communication and understanding between people with LD and Health staff.

Some if not most people with LD have problems communicating in all and different ways.

Gestures, communication aids and behaviours to let you know what's wrong.

COMMUNICATION 2

SOME WAYS PEOPLE CAN COMMUNICATE.

Using their face.

Making a noise.

Changing their behaviour.

USING speech, symbols and signs.

COMMUNICATION 3 IMPORTANT

MOST PEOPLE WITH LD AVOID HEALTH SERVICES DUE TO A LACK OF COMMUNICATION, UNDERSTANDING AND TREATMENT.

COMMUNICATION 4 IT'S IMPORTANT TO.

To speak clearly and slowly.

Listen to people with LD and the people who support them.

Find out how people communicate.

Use photo symbols.

CONSIDER THE MENTAL CAPACITY AND LEARNING DISABILITY DISCRIMINATION ACT. THIS IS LAW !!!!!!!

HEALTH STAFF NEED TO FIND OUT AND LEARN ABOUT THE HEALTH ACTION PLAN.

IF YOU GET IT RIGHT FOR PEOPLE WITH LD, YOU WILL GET IT RIGHT FOR EVERYONE.

I WOULD LIKE TO SAY THAT YOU ARE WELCOME TO READ THIS WEBSITE IF YOU WANT TO. IF YOU WORK IN THE HEALTH PROFESSION, I WOULD LIKE TO HEAR FROM YOU, IF YOU ARE READING MY HEALTH REPORTS. PLEASE EMAIL ME ON sarajgorman@googlemail.com. THANK YOU. PLEASE MAKE ANY COMMENTS VIEWS AND TELL ME WHAT YOU HAVE LEARNED IF YOU HAVE. TELL ME WHAT YOU WANT TO ABOUT THE HEALTH OF LD.I HOPE YOU WILL LEARN A LOT ABOUT THE HEALTH OF LD ON MY HEALTH REPORTS ON MY WEBSITE. IS THE HEALTH OF LEARNING DISABILITY FIELD FOR? OR NOT? IF SO YOU HAVE A LOT OF HARD WORK TO DO AND LEARN AS WE ARE MORE VULNERABLE TO OUR HEALTH THAN PEOPLE WITHOUT LD ARE. JUST A REMINDER OF THIS WEBSITE sararevealed.blogspot.com/

'ACCESS ALL AREAS NOW!'

NOW WE ARE ACCESS ALL AREAS NOW!`

WE WANT TO TRAIN ALL PEOPLE TO UNDERSTAND WHAT PEOPLE WITH LEARNING DISABILITIES CAN DO GIVEN THE CHANCE LIKE EVERYONE.

FOR INFORMATION PLEASE CONTRACT SARA GORMAN/JESSICA BROMLEY 0777183653.

DAVE PIKE OUR WORK SUPPORTER WILL BE TAKING OUR CALLS AS WE HAVE NOT GOT ANY BUSINESS PHONES JUST YET.

Health has been chosen for learning disability because of the Death
Indifference report 2007.

Health is important but the health in people with LD and Health problems are twice as important.

This is because a lot of us with learning disabilities have got Health problems linked to our disabilities anyway so many of us need more support looking after our health. Health problems and LD come together it can be one or the other in some people.

Not all of us get support or some of us don't get enough of it.

On the other hand we need a balance between support and independent as much as people without learning disabilities.

If information is easy for us to read and understand then we may be able to read and understand it without help.

Some of us can't read so we may need more of pictures than writing that tells us what we need to understand.

In the case of health for eg; there might be a people with disabilities and Health who don't have support. Some medications may have dangerous side effects or people may over dose themselves by mistake if the information isn't clear enough for them for read and understand. PLEASE BE AWARE OF THAT!

He or she may not understand the GP'S handwriting they may need large print and pictures typed up on the computer.

There needs to be a clear diet and exercise plan for people with learning disabilities with easy words and pictures.

Diet isn't just about losing weight.

People with different disabilities and Health problems can only eat and drink certain drinks and foods due to the conditions, illnesses and etc we may have.

This can be very confusing for people with learning disabilities mainly when we need to lose weight and if we have Health problems as well so GPS need to type out accessible diet sheets to help people with disabilities eat and exercise more healthy.

If someone hasn't got any, not enough or even the right support it can be very hard for them to do what they are advised to do, this is why things need to be set out as easy as possible for us.

There needs to be more education in schools and colleges for young people and adults with and without learning disabilities to educate and train people with LD to cook and eat healthy food and exercise.

People with learning disabilities and Health problems have to cope with Stress too.

Stress is one of the worse killers today, there seems to be a lot of stress today for everyone over one thing or another.

Many people turn to things bad for their health due to stress for eg; smoking. It can be hard for a lot of people to accept things that they don't want to live with as it is. Bad news is bad enough as it is without it been confusing and stressful.

If we lose something or someone in our live we don't want to lose. Whether like it or not it happens. It's bad enough for people without LD but the stress can make people with Ld more ill. Another example is relationship break ups, family break ups and etc.

I am not saying that people without disabilities don't stuffer their problems but people with disabilities have our own stresses without anything on our minds, that's own learning disabilities and Health problems things on our minds on top of the problems all people have, can make life even harder to cope with.

We don't except any magic wands but we need more understanding and support to cope with our lives. Thank you.

Back in 1991, my favorite singer Freddie Mercury from Queen died of a Sexual disease called Aids.

I know he didn't have learning disabilities but there's still isn't enough awareness about Sexual diseases in people with learning disabilities.

I am sure Freddie would have liked people with LD and Health problems to get a lot of support for our Sexual Health as much as people without.

Whether we have LD or not we all have feelings.

Freddie was just as ill as people with Ld would be.

There again what people need to understand due to our life Health problems. Other illnesses everyone can have, people with LD can be twice as ill as people without LD. It could make us die quicker because of our LD and the Health problems we may have already.

There needs to be more education on Sexual health that's accessible in schools and colleges.

It can be hard enough teaching young people as it is why education on health is important but people with learning disabilities are slower learners so many of us may need more support to learn.

For eg; some people may not understand why we are advised to use condoms and may even have problems putting them on, mainly if we have problems with our hands.In my case with problems griping, without been personal I am lucky that I have had partners who knew how to put them on.

There still needs to be more education on choices, pregnancy, conception, support and etc.

In March 2009, Jade Goody died of Cervical cancer, this is just an example of many young people who have died of cancer.

I want to raise awareness of Cervical cancer.

We all know it's right to have Smears to get ourselves checked out.

Many women could be scared of having Swears if they have suffered rape and Sexual abuse at any time during our lives. This can have the same big affects on our lives as much females without LD.

May be counseling should be advised to females if they fear swears due to the bad experiences we may have had. Most of us may feel as if we can't go through smears so there needs be support for us to cope with our fears.

Information should be accessible for all females not just females with learning disabilities mainly when we have been through rape and Sexual abuse at any time during our lives, this can put a big affect on any female's life, body and mind. We understand males have suffered sexual abuse and rape as well, which we must raise awareness of these kind of things for males with and without LD.

There's still not enough awareness of people with learning disabilities who have cancer.

I had cancer of the throat at the age of 23, even though I was very lucky it didn't spread to any other part of my body but even though the treatment knocked me about I was lucky to get better. Here's a person LD who didn't better from cancer but could if Health staff looked after better. I don't think they looked after her at all.

Emma who was written about in the Death Indifference report in 2007 had cancer. She died because she died unnecessary because she didn't respond to the treatment the doctor was giving her, due the fact she found it hard to communicate. May be there could have been a chance that Emma's cancer could have been cured.

There's still a 50/50 chance that people can pull through cancer.

It seemed as if the doctors couldn't be bothered with Emma because of her learning disabilities. The doctors needed to try a lot harder to save Emma.

Access All Areas Now! will be playing a DVD of what we have been through with our Health and Health staff who should have looked after us more. This Play is done by a Self Advocacy group support by Mencap called Our Shout, which myself, Andy and Jess are apart of.

Myself, Jessica, ( Andy?) from Access All Areas Now! will be giving you a free training session on raising raising awareness of Learning Disability and Health.

NEWS ON ACCESS ALL AREAS NOW! and OUR SHOUT MENCAP.

2010-03-19T08:50:00.000-07:00

This is an up date on Access All Areas Now! Due to the amount of work Jessica has got with Mencap it's more than likely I will running Access All Areas Now! with support but it may be possible that Our Shout may be linking to do some work with Access All Areas Now! We have had two meetings about it but we still need to talk about it more. As soon as we know for sure I will let you know on this website. sarajgorman@googlemail.com

ACCESS ALL AREAS NOW!

Learning Disability Awareness Training

For more information please contract Sara Gorman on 07771836853 or the office number 01902-553372 until our phone lines are in. You will more than likely be getting my work supporter Dave Pyke taking my calls or email me but let Dave know as well.Same email address as on top of the page.

Purpose Of Access All Areas Now! is to create a service to support people with Learning Disabilities and Mental Health problems to access all Areas of life with the right support equal to people without Learning Disabilities and Mental Health Problems, I understand this is something that may or may not happen.I understand that to run a business I have to start off small. I mustn't build my hopes up:never say never. One never knows what's round the condor but at the moment Access All Areas Now! is a Learning Disability Awareness Training service. I train services who want Learning Disability Awareness training.

One of the hard areas of life to access is traveling, transport and getting around. This is because a lot of people need the right support to access everyday life equal to the rest of society. It's very important for people with disabilities and Mental Health problems to be independent just like everyone else.

Back in 2008, I wrote an Employment play for Learning Disability week based on the problems people with disabilities and Mental Health problems have accessing employment. Not long before that we spoke about setting Access All Areas Now! The Travel Buddy was one of the first things we spoke about and employment. Our plan is to support people around their chooses, employ them ourselves, find people places where they want to work or most people may want to be supported in Self - employed. With the right support for us to support people like ourselves, we should be a successful business. On the other hand I am not building my hopes up:never say never.

We hope to help people get to where they want and need to. We want to make a big difference to the lives of people with disabilities and Mental Health problems. Bring out the good to support people with disabilities and Mental Health problems to have equal lives to other people. To put the bad dark past behind us. Build people's confidences up.

To look out for the Health and Well Being for people with Learning Disabilities and Mental Health problems.

We want to see more people with learning disabilities and Health problems traveling on buses than mini buses!

ACCESS ALL AREAS NOW!

A LEARNING DISABILITY AWARENESS TRAINING SERVICE

WHO OFFERS TO TRAIN PEOPLE WITHOUT DISABILITIES AND HEALTH PROBLEMS WHO WORK IN SERVICES AROUND LEARNING DISABILITY AWARENESS TRAINING.

2010

OUR SHOUT NEWS.

There has been a lot of changes that has happen during 2010. Back in March Greg left Our Shout even he still works for Mencap on a Tuesday. I have found myself in a sense running things, which hasn't been easy with trying to run Access All Areas Now! I so much want to see that the members of the group get easy read minutes, which isn't easy, lack of money to printing access at home.

Changes to Our Shout Lucy Dunstan left Mencap at the end of October 2010, then Louise Smith took over as Empowerment supporter for Our Shout. We have also become very short on members, which we need to advertise for. We hope to talk more about the future of Our Shout after Christmas and New Year.

Life in the Partnership Board hasn't been easy for Our Shout in different ways for eg; the members having to wait a long time to have our say. Mid to late 2010 things started to move on a bit most of the members including myself with the support of Changing Lives in Tip ton, we became Learning Disability MPs of Wolverhampton.

VALUING PEOPLE NOW! Making it happen for all.

a three year plan for people with learning disabilities.
The plan is drive by views of people with learning disabilities, our families and carers.

Most people with learning disabilities are still turned away from society.
People with learning disabilities should have the same life chance as other people without learning disabilities.

If we are to have the same chances as other people in society and live full lives, public services should be better for us when we access them.

Health is one of the Key Priorities Valuing People Now.

Change needs to happen for all with learning disabilities, which includes people with more complex needs, those with minority ethnic communities, those with Autistic Spectrum conditions and those who have offended.

The plan sets out the Governments response to recommendations in the Independent Inquiry into access to Health Care, Health Care for All, published in 2008.

The Health Care for All report showed a hard-hitting message. It set out undeniable evidence that people with learning disabilities have greater need for Health Care more so than other people, yet we access care that need resulting in poorer health.

Neglect or abuse of disabled people is not acceptable and the Government is determined that lessons are learned to take action to better Health Care for people with learning disabilities.

MENCAP'S DEATH INDIFFERENCE REPORT.

Back in 2007, Mencap had heard that six young people with learning disabilities had died under the care of the NHS caused by neglect, this is Mencap wrote a report that year. This is one of the reasons why OUR SHOUT started doing Health plays of our own experiences Health Care in front of Health Care staff. WWW.mencap.org.uk

Introducing me and my learning disabilities.

2010-03-13T04:56:00.000-08:00

I was born in Wolverhampton on Friday 24th October 1969 with mild Autism, Dyspraxia, Dyslexia and epilepsy.I have lived with disabilities for nearly forty-one years since I was born.

For the last three years I have been helping out with Mencap. Mencap is a charity all round UK, that support people with disabilities. Mencap also supports all different kinds of Self Advocacy groups who are groups of people with learning disabilities our selves who speak up the other people with disabilities. I am from a Self Advocacy group Called Our Shout in Wolverhampton.

One day I would like to write a book asking people without disabilities how they would cope with life their lives if they had disabilities. Here is a daft piece of writing hopefully working towards this book. I understand these things don't happen over night, could be writing this for years or not at all if I don't get the support.

PUT YOURSELF IN OUR SHOES!

The world is telling you to do with your life. The world is telling you what you can and can't have in life. The world seems to be coping better than you. The world seems to be bigger than you. This all because you have disabilities. The world only supports you with if, when and whatever it wants to be supporting you with. Very rarely it seems to be your choice. Wouldn't be nice to be able to manage just what you want to do without feeling guilty that your giving others hard work and or spending their money when it comes to funding. We know everyone needs to be paid but due to having disabilities we seem to be a guilty party of feeling as if we are putting on people's lives. Why are we feeling guilty when no human being is a machines? Everyone needs help with something but people with disabilities seem to need the most help and we are made to feel most useless.

Sometimes people without disabilities don't know when to support disabilities with and when not to. You know you can't be completely alone but you hate feeling useless. Most of the time the world is either not there for you or there for you all the time. There needs to be a balance in between these things. Even when things get better, we don't forget when things were worse. On the bright side of this people with disabilities can train people without disabilities to learn the thinking and understanding of people with disabilities. A world that is who have disabilities need to open up a new and better world of learning disabilities so life that is better than it was in than it was in the past. We need to raise awareness for the future. We cannot wave magic wounds for everything but we can make better difference than it was when our lives started.

I only wish I would have come across a person like me today when I was a young child,a teenage and even a young adult telling me that things would get better. Now I am here to tell the younger generation that you are going to get better support than what I did. You will most likely achieve what you want to, things I wanted to but there just wasn't the support. It was put a smile on my face to see you get by instead. I am not saying I haven't achieved anything but not that isn't any big deal but it might become quicker and easier for you than it was for me. I would be happy to see you happy.

Sara's Quotations.

2010-02-07T06:30:00.000-08:00

I never knew love was DIY, if want love yourself before you love someone else.

If want a job doing do it yourself,DIY, don't love isn't a job but love can be a drug if you love them too much and even too long.

Animals love us more than humans, animals love us more than we love ourselves.

Animals understand our language better than we understand our own.

We understand animal language better than we understand our own.

The only MPs that are for people with learning disabilities, is people with learning disabilities ourselves.

Stress is the worse killer in the world for everyone, mainly when you have Learning disabilities and Health problems.

Never build your hopes up about life : never say never.

Always balance the good with the bad, never say life is all good, never say life is all bad.

It's not the world that's dangerous, it's the people in it.

Not enough safe people to make a safe world, in today's society.

The young today don't get enough punishment, that's why the world is dangerous before it gets more dangerous.

There are two people in one person, there's good and bad in everyone, there's no perfect world.

Never complain about losing love: some people have never been in love.

Everyone sees love in all different ways.

There are all different kinds of love.

There's always someone worse off than yourself.

Love comes and goes like buses.

Smile even if life is getting you down but don't smile if you have something to be ashamed of.

I spend the first five years of my working life on top of the very cold snowy Welsh mountains, looking after animals. I used to take out frozen water buckets out of stables and pour kettles of hot water over frozen taps. My hands were as cold as ice but very red.

A women can be very frighten of men when they have had far too much to drink but never believe that all men are the same ladies.

Poetry tells you to get on with life no matter what life throws at you.

We woman are not all victims from many men there are many that can be victims from many women too.

Missing someone is pain:thinking about them is happiness.

Life can be confusing:so much to do but very little time to do what's needed and wanted.

No thousands of answers to one question.

ACCESS ALL AREAS NOW NEWS

2010-01-29T07:17:00.000-08:00

Sara Jane Gorman Access All Areas Now! Learning Disability Awareness Trainer, Jessica Bromley Access All Areas Now! Learning Disability Awareness Trainer, Dave Pike Employment Pathways Employment Officer, Vinnie Rogers Wolverhampton City council Teacher trainer, Lisa Wolverhampton City council Teacher trainer and Paddie Quick Library manager.

This meeting was taken place at the Jenny Lee Centre in Wolverhampton, on Monday 25th January 2010 at 10.30am.

The Purpose of the meeting.

We were all chatting to Paddie Quick who is the Library manager of the Special Needs library. It is plan that on Wednesday 28th April 2010, me and Jess will be holding a training session for Paddie's staff. Now the library training is done, which became a session. Paddie and his staff felt as if they had learned a lot in the terms of accessible information. Understanding people and the world around you is a hard thing when you have learning disabilities. One of the staff they has a learning disability. They were all a nice crowd one or two knew me when I worked myself at Warstones library many yrs ago. I was thinking about doing a talk or something on my experiences of when I worked at the library.

Staff and managers in the libraries are finding it very hard to understand people with Learning Disabilities and Mental Health problems. Even though myself have only got mild Learning Disabilities and Mental problems, it's still very hard for us to be understood and understand people but it's not as bad for us now as it was in the past. We have not forgotten the hard times we had with communication so we can help staff and managers understand people who find it hard to make themselves understood, this happens to us too.

The Special Needs library delivers things like books, DVDS and etc to people's homes. These people who access the Special Needs library tend to have Learning Disabilities and Mental Health problems of some kind. Most of these people need special aids to help them access information in an easy way. This will help them to hear, listen, understand and read in an easy way.

Many of those people go through near enough what myself and Jess go through ourselves or we may have had a history of some of those things, depression, Anxiety, behavior problems, easy confused and etc. Once people understand what to except from these people may be there will be less lack of communication and attitudes may get better.