On Thursday I went on course to help me build my confidence up because I haven't had any work come in for 6 mouths. It's surprising in such a length of time how you can get into a rut in your life if you spend a long time doing nothing. I have felt in just one day, which was Thursday I have learned such a lot of been myself again for example.
When it comes to talking to strangers it can depending on certain situations whether I am happy to talk to them or not. Depending who they are, what they are and where I have met them. Strangers in the street I mostly shy away from because right from little I was told not to talk to strangers. Strangers in my life, such as the Job centre that can be confusing even though they have been dealing with my case but it used to be strange and confusing I saw different people mainly when they were new to my case. Now I am a lot happier because I have a Disability Employment Adviser, which I see the same person who knows my case. When you have to communicate with professions you have no choice because they deal with your situations, unless things are really unhappy between you both them for eg; you change your doctor. Many years of seeing that profession and visiting their service you are not strangers any more.
I have learned it can be hard to judge people because there are so many different characters out there but I don't believe in judging anyway. The balance between not hating people but standing up for ones' self if things don't seem quite right can be hard.The great thing about having been a Self - Advocacy for four years I have learned how stand for myself and still been liked by people a lot better than I did before hand but I still feel I have a long to go.
When I used to turn up at meetings full of professions. I used to tend to think that I knew there was going to be a lack of communication and understanding, which there very often was. I knew as a Self - Advocacy worker I was going tell them a good home truths about learning disability and health problems. It was hard times to make my points about some situations. I have word things my best of my abilities without causing rows in the meetings. Most of these professions seemed like strangers even though I had many meetings with them.
I have tried to give a good impression towards people sometimes I gain respect other times I don't. Different people I guess see different impressions in different ways. It can be very hard hard to truly what people are feeling and thinking. Sometimes we can put ourselves under too much stress to please peoples' thoughts and feelings but we don't want to be selfish either but sometimes we have otherwise we'd never be happy ourselves. For eg; interviews, the way we dress, the way we speak and whether we have got what it takes to please the employment and know the knowledge for the job.We could get and be good enough for the job, be liked by our employer but there could be still something that doesn't please them but they may never say.
It can take me quite a while to get to know people. That balance between standing up for ones' self and not losing friends. Yes I do enjoy going out and meeting people. I need to learn to not worry too much about what people are feeling and thinking about me as a person. This has lost me friendships and relationships but also lack of communication and understanding due to having mild Autism. Some events can be less relaxing than others when it comes to meeting people. This can depend on myself, people and atmosphere.
If things stick to a route then I am motivated for anything but if something changes then I get stuck in a rut. This is where my life comes to a sudden stop I start to lack confidences in myself. Life can be fun when my self - estream is high.
Whether or not I have a positive attitude about and towards myself is depending on how my life is. The past six mouth has been or at least seemed very dark with very little work on. Thinking positive has seemed hard to think. At same time everyone is in the same boat these days. It can be hard to see positive with the present been negative at the moment.
