A book.
A book full of life.
A book full of stories.
A book full of poems.
A book full of plays.
A paper full of news.
A magazine full of fiction and non - fiction.
A book can be a novel.
What is a book about?
A book is about love.
A book is about hate.
Difference books covers difference subjects, you can read them forever and a day.
There can be more than a thousand subjects that can cover one book, less or more. 20.8.1999
Life seems worthless.
I don't have anything in mind to wish.
When I sleep I dream about the love I used to have.
I can't dream about anything that is happening now because there's nothing happening.
My world seems empty, my head feels full of pain and I don't know what to make of this life I have now.
I don't know what will make me happy now.
I am not saying I am not happy but I can't think what I want in life.
To me everything is new.
I don't know what to do until a new day comes my way.
Some days I feel happy.
Other days I feel sad.
Most days I could laugh.
Other days I could cry.
Other days I could have anger.
Others day I could be mad.
I mostly have my days of anger when I am by myself because I feel so mixed up in my mind.
I want one thing one day another the next. 20.8.1999
Think about the 1914 - 1918 war.
A lot of young men 18 - 35 had lost their lives in the 1914 - 1918 war.
The men who are alive are mostly wounded for life.
Some men have become disabled for the rest of their lives.
Some men are blind, through bombs.
Other men have lost arms, others have lost legs.
Some men have even lost their feet.
Other men have lost eyes, ears, noses and months.
What on earth is life about?
Every town there were street sweepers sweeping the streets.
Grass covered in mud mens boots sank deep.
Smoking cigarettes because they felt down and depressed.
Walking and hiding from in the fog.
Falling into the muddy bog.
Frighting for one's life. 2.1.2000
Reasons why I write poems.
The reason why I write poems to show for the person I love.
To be able to tell them how much I think of them when I do.
How much I miss them when I don't see them.
That someone is you but I don't get to you a lot but I do I enjoy my time with you.
To be able to let out pain when I feel pain. 21.8.2000
Spring on it's way.
It should not be long until the daffodils are in the garden.
Pancake day is in March instead of February.
It is not just a new this year but new century.
Easter eggs, lambs and bunny rabbits come out to play.
All things jumping around all day. 26.2.2000
You were my lover.
You were my lover and best friend too.
You felt everything to me but not what I would though you would be.
Why did it ever end between us?
We had one another then we lost one another, it was a love I would never forget.
You broke my heart but I don't hate you because I still love you so much.
I can't help but forgive you for what you have done to me.
I was only young but two years older than you, you were younger too.
You broke my heart and I broke yours, I guess we have a lot to regret.
Now it's over I understand that you won't have me back.
For me there's no looking back because I know I can not accept you to believe that I have changed a lot to what I used to be.
In some cases it's really true that you always hurt the one you really love.
The one I really love is you. 24.2.2000
Unlucky child.
If you were a child in the nineteenth century your school days would have ended at the age of twelve.
What do you do next?
In the poor dull days they gave you far too much work to do.
Working in the coal mines, chimney sweeps, warehouses, cooking in the kitchens and many more.2000 onwards
I love you and I know you love me.
I love you and I know you love me.
I have a lovely happy feeling you and me are meant to be.
It's so sad that I don't see enough of you to make how I feel about you clear to you.
You are the love who is worth seeing.
You are so special to me. 26.6.2000
Sometimes the world is unkind.
Sometimes you will find the world is unkind.
I am speaking for each and every person that includes people who are disabled and with a learning disability.
Why do people look at people with these problems as if we are not human.
As if we have not not got brain.
We are just a bit slow that's all.
At the end of the day we are just as clever as you but in difference ways.
The fact that we are slow learners makes us do a better job of things but society is in too much of a rush.
When we can do things in our own time and be our bosses, we do a lot better.
We still need to be accepted in society a lot better than we are.
What is so sad jobs are hard to find for everyone today not just us.
There is far too much crime in the world today.
Looking on the bright side I have found as I have getting old I have been getting better.
I have been working in the library for three years now so I am going to stay there until I get to the next step of my career.
I hope the the library will set me to the career I want which is writing.
I hope all these years of hard work will help me to become a writer.
I won't give up in anyway at all. 8.7.2000
My male friend.
I still love you with all my heart.
When you left me my life became hard.
My loving feelings will be here for you for life, however you feel about me.
You are my best caring male friend.
I mean every word I say my dear.
I still care and worry about you a lot.
If you don't feel the same way I will accept that.
I don't want to come bet ween your happiness.
I must carry on accepting whatever happens in the future.
I must be happy with my life.
Deep down the memory of you is not forgotten by me. 26.2.2000
My sweet male love.
To my handsome sweet male love, I love you so much.
Your eyes are like stars that shine in the sky.
My heart is so full of love.
Your heart is full of passion and love.
Lay your head upon my breast, then you may sleep on my chest.
I will love you at my best. Late 20th century to early 21st century.
My love to human kind.
My sister Holly Wood my artist of my poems and story books.
My life like all people has a book inside them.
All about my family who bought me up.
My God daughter Stevie Bea is my baby love.
My lover I love, I will always love. Late 20th century to early 21st century.
I dream of sunshine.
I dream of sunshine with wild red roses to brighten up my life.
My love life seems such a dream if you see what I mean.
On the whole men have been very mean to me.
Many times my heart has broken.
My lover's lips are red enough for me.
My lover's looks are handsome enough.
My lover has lovely bright blond hair.
My lover's love is very strong.
He can be such a nightmare when he drinks himself almost to death.
Antonio was not the man for me. Late 20th century to early 21st century.
I love your smile.
You smile runs out a mile.
Those lovely blue eyes smile a mile.
You really do make me feel as if you are mine.
Let's hope happiness is yours and mine until the end of time.
Please never forget that you are the love of my life. Late 20th to early 21st century
You gave me pain.
You were not the first to make my heart ache and break.
I hope you will be the last to make my ache and break.
Nothing in this world will make me feel the same now.
Even now I still can't sleep.
Even now I still can't eat.
I need to keep my mind busy to stop myself thinking about you.
I still drink more and eat less. 20th to 21st century
Hot and cold Britain.
Why can't the weather make up it's mind?
One minute it's cold the next minute it's hot.
The answer to that we just want the weather to be warm.
(Why?) warm weather makes us feel good.
What we wear?
We don't know until we get outside.
We lead such rushing lives.
We haven't forgotten the times when we knew what to wear.
Sometimes you have not got time to rush home to get a a jumper if your wearing tee shirt.
You either roast or freeze. 2000 onwards.
Beautiful.
Green mountains on hot summer's day in Wales.
Bright yellow sunshine and deep blue sky.
Flowers everywhere to be seen. 2000 onwards.
Epilepsy.
This may not be epilepsy, if not what is it?
Why come back after twenty years?
Why haven't felt well for the last mouth?
Headaches, shakes and the room moving round and round .
The tablets cure one thing and bring another thing on.
I feel shaky and tired.
I am not looking forward to a brain scan, flashing lights and electric stick glue wires in my hair.
It's like a big storm inside my head.
It causes your nerves to be bad mainly when you have waiting to see if you pass or fail.2001 onwards.
Too much greed in the world.
There is far too much greed in the world today.
We just tend to pick one another more and more.
Too many debates over difference subjects.
Why not have your own point a views and keep them to your self.
Why do we have a problem with each other?
As long as no is hurt anyone, what is the problem?
What can we except?
Not a perfect world.
For goodness sake we all make mistakes.
Every we come across it's about money, why?
People say about peace, where is peace?
Everything seems to be a problem, there so many of them for everyone than ever before.
The world is just war, I think always has been and always will be. 21st century.
What's wrong with the world today?
Why can't we walk down the street without worrying about danger?
What has happened to manners and respect?
At one time you could leave your doors and windows open but not anyone.
No one could come in unless they asked you.
It is now a change for the worse, now we have to accept that but not every change is a bad change. 21st century
Chewing gum.
I remember the old school rule, no chewing gum in class.
No sticking the gum to your school desks.
When I look back the rule made sense.
Someone would throw in your hair, then it would be sticky.
As you walk across it was always there until the person to blame got the cane.
It would even stick to your shoes and clothes.21st century
I live near a wood.
I live near a wood.
At night I walk through the wood as I walk from the bus stop.
You keep me safe when I walk home at night.
I feel as if you are walking with me.
Nobody believes your there but I do to keep myself strong.
Not many people walk through the woods at night. 21st century
Your out there somewhere.
You took the blanket off the bed.
You put the blanket back on the bed.
You even made the bed for me.
I feel your fingers running down my spine.
Your never out of my mind.
You never go away.
I still wish I met you all the same.
The world must think I am in sane. 21st century
Parents.
Parents mess your heads up without meaning to.
They take their histories of their own family lives on you.
They never mean to give you a childhood like theirs but little is sometimes there.
There are times they are fed up of their own lives, it gets taken out on you.
Never bring another generation, your own child will always spot something you like them.
No matter how hard you try not to, you always lets you kids down somehow.
Just be yourself, you can't hurt anyone then but then again some people in the world have keep the world going round. 21st century.
Child hood.
Some of us have a good children others have a bad yet you could have a mixed.
Adults tell you that school days are the best years of your life just to get you to school.
That's a load of rubbish in my case.
In my case like many children, I was bullied in school so school days were the worse days of my life.
You listen to the sound of the wind.
It's like a birds wing's flapping in the wings.
Water rushing like the stream river and sea.
I once believed the big bad woof was in the wardrobe.
I once believed that the troll was under the bridge.
I once believed there were Father Christmas's, rain deers and elves.
May be there might be some truth in fairy tales after all.
Watch out for the big bad wolf.
Watch who is outside your doors these days.
May be we should believe in fairy tales after all.
May be the people who wrote these fairy tales saw dangerous futures for us all.
If that's the case they are right.
Don't let it keep you awake at night.
Live life how you like.
Be strong and be aware of what's around you.
I am not trying to frighten you, I am just telling the truth.
I once believed that snowmen could walk through the snow.
I once believed that the fairies gave me money for my teeth so I hope they did but never gave me money for my ear rings.
I lost so many pairs of ear rings by putting them under my pillow.
You are a skeleton who swims in the sea.
Watch you don't get a electric shock!
Every part of your body comes apart and back together again like plugs coming in and out of sockets.
Is there more water in heaven than there is on earth? 2000 onwards.
Forgotten.
I have a good memory but I have forgotten.
I know it does not make sense.
What is your name? I have forgotten, don't tell me.
I don't want to remember if I don't have to.
What did you look like?
Does it really matter I may have had a dream or a nightmare.
Did you kiss me?
So what, why and who is my question?
I know even know who I am talking to and what I am talking about.
So why did I ask in the first place then?
Were we in love or just friends?
Are you male or female?
It may have been a mistake. 2000 onwards
So I am not bothered.
Last I heard he was married.
Good to her, I'd rather her than me.
I only used to dream that you were close to me.
You are not real are you?
I did not really go with you, did I?
If so I must have had a nightmare then.
I have forgotten what you used to say to me because you used to lie so often.
I was so happy when you went off with her because you played behind my back anyway. 2000 onwards.
The sun heat.
On a very summer's day every leaf is green.
Everything is all the colors should be.
Sometimes the heat of the hot sun is far too hot.
There's not enough air, cool down with cold drinks.
Dive into a pool then have a shower.
The heat makes it very hard to sleep.
Too many restless nights. 2000 onwards
You are a ghost.
May be it's hard to see in the dark unless you eat carrots.
Your name is unknown to a lot of people.
It's still not known if you were real or not, I think you are just a character in my mind.
I dream how life would have been if you were real. 2000 onwards.
Life alone.
Outside I may well have friends.
When I get home I face the tablet, the chair, the television and computer.
My sink, my toaster, my fridge, cooker and the mic.
My toilet, sink, bath and shower.
My bed, wardrobe and dressing tablet. 2000 onwards.
Yesterday has gone.
Yesterday has gone, live for today and tomorrow is another day.
Yesterday may have been a bad day, think of today as a good and tomorrow be an even better day.
There's no perfect life otherwise life would be boring.
Just start all over again tomorrow.
Always think forward never think back.
Always think good never though bad.
Enjoy the good times but be strong to the bad times. 2000 onwards
What it would be like to see no one.
It would be a lonely world to see no one.
No one to talk to, no one to help, no to ask a question or give an answer to.
It's so dark when you are allowed but then then there's no one to tell you anything that you don't want to hear.
You may need to hear some things whether you like to hear them or not because they could be words of truth. 2000 onwards.
When we first got together.
When I first saw you I knew I wanted you.
Butterflies flew through my stomach.
How it broke my heart we both broke up.
I could not help missing you so much.
I could not believe you could leave me for her.
I hated her so much but I loved you so much, I still feel that way now. 2000 onwards.
The future
The future is no one's guess.
No one can say what is going to happen.
No one can say how long or short we are going to live.
No one can say whether or not we get what we dream of but most of the time we need to live in the real world which is there truth.
There's no harm in laughing and joking but we need to be serious too, get the balance bet ween the two.
Most things don't stay the same they do change but there are some things not many things stay the same.
It's too easy to think the person we love is going to be like the last, let's forget the past.
We all make mistakes but most of us learn from them others do not.
Somethings we can't change but others we can. 2000 onwards.
I am here for you, if you want me too.
If you want to me another chance to love you again, I am here for you if you want me too.
If you don't want to give me another chance I understand that too, I don't blame you what I put you through.
If you want a woman lover or a loving friend, I am here for you if you want me too.
If something or someone is bothering you, I am here for you if you feel you need and want a woman to talk to.
You are welcome to cry on me if you want to if you need a woman close to you, I am here for you.
Whatever you want from me, I am here for you if you want me too.
You have love from me, cry on and if you someone to talk to if you want me too, I am here for you too.
Feel free friendship or lovers it's up to you.
I don't mind as long as something is going on bet ween us. 2.1.2000
I can live without you, if I have to live without you.
If I have to live without your love, I will live without your love.
I don't like living without your love, it hurts me very much but I am strong enough.
I miss you and your love so much but I can cope enough.
One thing I can say is that I have never cried my eyes out over anything or anyone like I have cried my eyes out over you.
Now can you see how much I really love you, I have always loved you and think I always will do. 29.12.1999
Have you changed the man I knew or even still know?
Please don't change the kind of man you are.
If you have changed, please change back into the man I once knew and fell in love with!
Please stay the same, not matter what that's why I still love you.
Please stay, you don't have to love me as long as you don't change.
You can have feelings and think anyway you want about me.
I will still always love even if you don't love me and that you don't have me back. 29.12.1999
You left me very lonely.
You left me very lonely.
You left me very sad.
No matter what you put me through I still love you very much.
People say I am sad and mad to ever want you back but I don't care about that.
Why can't people see it was not all your fault it was my fault too?
The relationship we had was not anything to do with them.
I am all for giving you another chance because I love you so much if want me too.
I would like to start it off as loving friendships, then we could see whether it's worth getting back together or not. 2.1.2000
If you keep me, you won't get hurt anymore, I really do promise you.
Please try to worry in case I hurt because I won't.
I understand getting to know someone new is hard to do.
I know at this early stage that we are protecting ourselves and each other.
We are learning how to trust one another.
I know that I feel very sure that I can trust you and I think you can trust me too.
Only one day at a time will tell us about one another.
You are not trapped by me, I am not trapped by you.
I don't own you and you don't own me.
Just be careful in life, that's all I say. 26.5.2000
When I am alone with you.
When I am alone with you, I really feel as if I belong to you.
When I phone you I still feel as if we are together.
It's a lovely feeling bet ween us even if we don't see a lot of one another.
The lovely feeling of been held and kissed.
You are the only person that has ever made me feel right.
When I don't see you every night feels like a lonely night.
I miss you all the while but it all seems very much worth while.
Times goes slowly when I am waiting to see and speak to you.
When the moments come it all seems right and nice.
At night I always wish I could be with you because I love you so much.
In the day time I miss you so much.
Your job makes us miss one another so much.
I respect and think about you so much.
I can't stop thinking about you so much.
I wish I was in the love of your arms.
I wish you were holding me tight.
I wish you were kissing my lips, which feels just right. 26.5.2000
I'd rather be with no one but you.
I know we don't know one another that well yet.
I know we have such a lot to learn about one another.
I understand things are not easy for either of us these days, through no fault of our own.
I know you will know that I don't enjoy these hard situations anymore than you. I like you such lot, as I have got older I have got a bit stronger in my mind and I hope will get even more stronger.
I will take whatever there is to take on board and I don't give up.
Through choice there's no one I'd rather be with only you.
I miss you so much but I understand that nothing is yet possible or not at all.
I understand it's not all about how I feel, it's also about you because you have feelings too. 24.12.2009
Sorry.
There's no way I want to cause stress on to you, I like you a lot.
I am sorry the way I feel like I do if that's too much.
I have to be honest I miss you so much.
I don't want to make life hard for you. 15.12,2009
I don't feel myself.
The weather is so cold.
I miss you so much.
I just feel so low, I don't have any get up and go.
I understand that it's not all about what I want in life, you matter too.
I know it has not been easy with both of us coming to terms with damaged failed relationships we have had. 15.12.2009
I can't sleep.
I can't sleep I have so much on my mind.
Twenty to three in the morning.
I just have so much stress that I don't want to put on you.
I am just not thinking straight at the moment.
The weather is even more cold and dark without you. 15.12.2009
I know it's hard.
The days and nights are long without you.
Hours and weeks are even longer.
Mondays and Tuesdays are really shorter, it does not seem as if we see one another fro long.
Despite on how hard it is, I don't give up, I like you too much.
With the cold weather having kicked my depression has kicked inside.
All of us could do without Christmas, depression hits everyone this time of year.
Christmas makes me miss my Nan in heaven even more so. 15.12.2009
Saturday 26 September 2009
Saturday 19 September 2009
Mixed poetry
If YOU ARE A GOOD PERSON, WILL END UP IN HEAVEN.
Enjoy life to the full.
If you can't be good be careful.
Be naughty, enjoy but don't be too bad.
Try to be happy not sad.
Be strong and brave in hard times.
Happiness will grow on earth.
Heaven will be a peaceful place when you get there if you believe it will.
There has to be something to keep us going in this life even if it's hard to believe what is true. 13.11.2001
Bad has turned into good.
The problems I had at the birth, I am lucky to be alive.
I am very thankful to people's support even though living with my disability is hard for not only for me but my family too.
We are now used to me having a disability, we have lived with it nearly forty years.
I have learned that I am not alone in the world although it felt like that way for many years of my live.
I am not the only person in the world with disabilities, a lot of my friends have disabilities too.
As a child I felt like the odd one in the world as if everyone could do everything and I could do nothing.
Now I feel apart of everyone even though you always get some people who enjoy trying to make life unhappy for you, no one with a disability is alone there, people without disabilities have to live with it too.
I may be a bit slow but I am still a human being just like you.
What is normal at the end of the day?
No one is perfect.
No one is right all the time about anything.
It would be boring if everyone was right about everything and everybody.
It took me many years to believe that I am not alone, now that I know that I am a lot happier person.
I feel a lot better now I have got a career that I never thought I'd have. 2001 - 2009
I will never leave you.
I will never leave you like you left me.
My life would be dull and empty without you.
Losing you again is my biggest fear so I beg of you not to let of me.
I must be brave and hope for the best.
I must be mad to still love you and go back to you with the way you hurt me.
I must learn to be strong through the best times and enjoy the good.
Be thankful to you, my family and friends.
You must not hurt me again because I can only take so much and I would have to call it the end whether I still love you or not.
When I accept the bad the good will become better. 13.11.2001
Poems of love.
Someone picks up a live red rose.
One day a throne sadly kills that red rose and throws her away.
Another throne kisses her and she comes back to life.
This goes on and on until she meets the right throne but does she? 2001
Eddie dog.
Eddie dog loves playing with his ball, well with anything soft, that includes human's soft objects.
Eddie is a naughty but funny and nice dog.
Eddie needs his headlock on when you take him out for a walk, he pulls you too hard.
Eddie is getting an old boy but it never seems like, he does not seem to slow down.
He still plays with anything and everything he can see.
He still messes with people's shoes and socks.
When he needs a long sleep, he will wake for his dinner and walk. 2001
Lover boy.
We have been together on and off since Monday 16th May 1994, it was a very cold and rainy day.
He's my lover and best friend right to the end.
We met in a bar, we never thought it would get very far.
After two and a half years he broke my heart.
For four years we were apart.
It gave me so many tears over those years.
In time I thought I'd stop loving him but my feelings of love came such a bug, if only I could.
One day we fell back in love, we never thought we could or would.
It was just one love life story book.
If I write, you must take a look.
I hope he won't hurt me again, otherwise I will have to leave him even if I do still love him to get over him.
That would be the end of a lover but he may be still be my best friend. 2003 - 2004
My Life without you.
I think about you in my flat.
When I am with you it is great.
When I am without you I think about you where ever I am.
I look forward to seeing you when I see you. 2001
Poetry.
Poetry is like drawing and painting a picture.
Poetry is like building each block from the bottom to the top.
Just built the walk brick by brick.
Start from the yellow sand, the blue sea, the buckets, the spades, the blue sky and yellow sun.13.11.2001
Forgetting the past.
I hope we have learned from the most of our mistakes.
I hope we can both make the most of life while we are still here.
I hope I will get wiser as I get older.
I will never know whether to believe that there is a even or even earth or not.
We are told that heaven and earth is difference worlds.
Some people tell you, you come back, I find it hard to believe that.
It's best to live your life to the full because you know what's to come.
Once you have gone, you have gone for good and you won't be seen again.
Some of us believe in ghost but it's hard to tell is and is not the truth in these things. 2001
Happiness.
Look forward to the future and take the happiness what is out there for you.
Life may seem dull at first but give it time it will brighten up.
You wondering what is happening, well wait your turn.
Surprises are out there for you. 2001
Well we all have something to live for.
Just tell yourself that there is a life out there for you.
If you think all sad, you won't get out there and you won't know what happiness is.
Come on, you can do better than that!
Show everyone that you can pull yourself together out of those bad times and look forward to the good.
How your life and future is, is up to you, it will have it's ups and down's like everyone's. 2001
Not all dreams come true.
Follow your heart and your head should, you should get what you want out of life.
Just let it all happen, go with the flow and happiness will come to you.
If you don't plan you should find true happiness.
Something or and someone will give happiness to you.
Who and what you don't have a clue. 2001
Hurry up spring.
Hurry up spring, let's put green leaves on the trees.
Birds hurry up to lay your eggs, have your babies and sing.
Sheep hurry to have your lambs so they can can jump and skip.
Lift up the grass with yellow daffodils!
Let's see more of the short green that's covered in yellow daffodils.
Let's just bring back the joys of spring in the air! 24.1.2001
Where are you my love?
I am dreaming you being with me.
I picture you inside my mind.
I think about you in the day.
I dream about you at night.
Sometimes I hear your voice on the telephone.
I miss you all the time.
Am I living in fairy tale land or are you really mine? 24.1.2001
I know it's all over.
There's no such thing as the last kiss.
You did not seem to care whether I went or not.
You did not seem to care whether you never saw me again or not.
If only I did not care or loved you either.
You never let me know whether you were happy or sad to see me again.
Are you human, are you real or have I been having a strange dream all these years?
I just don't know why I am bothering coming back as there is nothing there for me.
I did not want to go or stay.
You don't love me so why am I here?
It does not feel that way.
Why am I hanging around where I am not wanted?
You are just a hard habit to break.
The worse thing is that you are unsure how you feel.
That does not help my feelings at all.
You have not done yourself any favors.
You have lied to yourself and to me.
Why do you have to leave to me to find out what's going through your mind?
How can I help I am not a mind reader?
Without yourself knowing it, you have hurt the one you love yet again.
Oh I forgot you don't know whether you love me or not.
It's hard to say what you want because you either won't tell me or you give me difference answers.
It does not make it very easy for me to know whether I should stay or go.
My mind tells me that leaving you is the right thing to do but my heart is saying no.
If you feel the same as I do, please send me a letter, text or a call.
Please ask people we know in pubs if they have seen me.
Don't know why I bothered saying that, I have had enough of been messed round.
I am leaving you one day when I feel strong enough to.
Don't rush into thinking about it too hard Ant it may take forever.
There are plenty more fish in the sea, I just hope the next one knows what he wants in life.
I will get away from this confused man one day, I hope will find someone someday who knows his own mind.
Ant if you don't know what you want after nearly fourteen years, you never will.
Who knows I may never bother with men again but I know I will. Jan08 - Feb 09
First serious love.
It feels as if no one will ever replace you but I don't want someone to replace you.
I want someone who loves me for me, which is more than I can say for you.
I want someone who knows what he wants in life.
You have known me fifteen yrs on and off but you don't know whether you love me or not.
It sounds as if you don't know what love is, I thought I may be have shown you that by now.
Yet you have had girlfriends before me, what a strange man you are.
You should know how I feel about you by now.
Even after all these years, you do not really understand how much you really mean to me.
You never now tell me whether you feel the same way towards me or not.
Did you ever love me?
You either loved me as much as you could or not at all.
I think I have wasted fifteen yrs loving a man who never loved me.
Your feelings turn on and off like a light.
I don't know why I still feel the same as I did when I first met you.
Come on Ant, that was a long time ago, if you don't know I am serious about you now, you never will.
I am so sorry that I can't stop loving you but I also understand how you feel too but then you don't know how you feel or what you want.
I wish I could help but I can't someone who does not know what they want themselves.
I wish you did not change your feelings every five minutes, now stop playing with my feelings!
You know very well how I feel about you so you mess me around more.
The way things are I know one day I won't feel the same as I do today.
I will get away from you to make sure that I don't feel the same as I do today anymore.
It's no good changing how you feel then because it could be too late for you.
The more I love you and see you, the more you hurt me.
May be I am wrong but it feels as if you don't have the same feelings as me anymore.
I only wish I did not feel for you this way. 14.2.09
I must be mad.
Fifteen years now I have loved you for, despite the pain we have been through together.
In time we have become just friends and lovers on and off.
In that time I have written pages and pages of poetry about you, I have even written about you in my diaries.
No matter what happens I will always love you.
No matter what happens despite the way you feel about me, even though it's not the answer I want to hear. 14.2.2009
Valentines day without love.
You feel alone in the world when you see couples walking down the street and holding hands.
You feel alone the world when you see people with presents and cards.
Why am I bothered?
Valentines day is waste of time and money mostly when the one you love does not love you anymore.
I write him a poetry, a waste of pen and ink but I still write them.
Sara just get on with life but it's even worse when valentine's day just hits you in the face. 14.2.2009
New start.
It's hard to change completely but I must change most things.
Somethings can change but others can't.
Somethings we to change, others we don't.
There are other things we have no choice about, you may have to change or don't change or can't change at all.
Somethings are easy to change others are not.
It would be a boring life if we were all the same.
There are so many things I should change but I won't can't let go, like I need to let go of Anthony. Jan 08 - Feb 09
I have been such a fool.
Whatever kind person you are I have loved you for fifteen years.
I still feel the same to this day but I very soon hope that those feelings will go away.
I can accept friendship but the more I see you the more I love you, you hurt me more because I know you don't feel the same way.
Sometimes you pretend to love me to keep me happy then you tell me you don't to make me sad.
May be you do know what you want but you play me around to hurt me.
As for you, you don't know how you feel towards me so how am I to know?
This is two possible guesses, if only I was a mind reader.
We have been through so many ups and downs together over the years but somehow I am still here for you even though we are just friends.
I have wasted so much time crying, days thinking about you and losing sleep over you.
The headaches and heartaches are just too much, I can't say I know when but I think I will go one day, I have had enough.
I don't know why I hang around anymore, it feels as if you don't feel the same way anymore.
May be you did not feel the way I thought you did.
I must be a complete fool, I am so in love with you it hurts.
I have tried so hard to love others but it did not work.
Many people have thought I had been a fool to put up with you all these years, may be they are right.
I don't know what else to do if I am not wanted in your life anymore.
May be one day I will be strong enough walk away from you like you walked away from me. Jan 08 - Feb 09
Henry IIV.
Henry IIV was on Most Haunted one night.
To think he had six wives.
He carried on marrying until he had a son.
He finely had a son went he married Jane Seymour.
She died after their son was born.
He had another three wives after Jane Seymour.
With Henry IVV, you never know he could be a dark horse. 2000 onwards.
There's a light at the end of the tunnel.
You may not think life is not living.
You feel blank.
You feel empty.
Your in a world of your own.
One day you feel life is a head of you, the next day you don't.
That's what happened to me.
Wait and see, it takes it's own time, it will happen to you.
You may not think you have a future.
It all seems dark as long as it seems dark but if there's anything I have learned once you get to the end of the tunnel there's a bright light.
You have Education, work and social life to think about. 2000 onwards
Edar Allan Poe.
There was once a poet I was not born to know.
His name was Edar Allan Poe.
He used to write his poems on top of a tree.
Did he write a poem called poe tree?
As the years went on spelling changed to poetry.
Take no notice of me, I am just playing around with words to write poe tree. 31st March 2007
We can make it.
Life can't be perfect.
Don't give up!
Live life to the end no matter how good or bad.
Keep strong you will get through. 19.3.2004
What can be worse?
No peace,
No quiet,
No clothes,
Be thankful for what you have got, if you have got anything at all.
Never feel sorry for yourself.
Nothing changes unless you change it yourself. 19.3.2004
We must get by.
No matter what we don't like, we must get by.
Don't let the bad things stop the good things in your life.
We only live once.
Why die sad when you can die happy.
More than anything give yourself a good time, you never know what's round the condor.19.3.2004
Talking to you.
When I talk to you, I find it hard to know what to say to you.
Before I talk to you, I have plenty of time to think about it but when I get on the phone I go blank.
It's nice to talk to you, it's so lovely to hear your voice.
You give me the news, then I will tell you what's been happening in my life.
I miss you so much, I wish I could see more of you.
I've also been interested in some men but they have not been interested in me.
Now I feel young and in my prime.
Not been able to make up my mind bet ween two men who I love and they love me.
To be fair I can only choose one, which is very hard. 29.12.2003
Take life as it comes.
We accept that we can't have every perfect in this life but our lives could be better then it could be worse.
It does not matter how hard life is, don't let it get to you.
Sadly with a lot of things, there is not a lot of things we can do.
We must accept it, be brave, strong and get on with life.
It will only get worse if you let things get to you.
Beat the world before it beats you.29.12.2003
Everything comes to life.
When I hear the wind blowing, it's as if the whole world has come to life.
The trees blow from side to side.
Fences come to life, full down, break up and die.
Litter runs down the road as fast as a flying kite.
Without wind there will be only animals and human beings who and what will come to life. 19.3.2004
Life today.
Too much traffic on the road today, it makes it so hard to cross the road.
Ques in difference places over a mile long.
People banging into one another.
No manners please and thank you.
Missing buses that come too early to what they say on the time tables but the wait is long enough for them to be late. 21.3.2004
Childhood.
Living life without a care in the world.
Everything taken care of by adults.
Skipping, playing games, going to the fair and building sandcastles on the beach all seems such a long time ago.
When we are children we want to become adults but many adults want to be children again.
Suddenly we regret growing up so fast but just don't know what fun is when we are young until it's all gone. 21.3.2004
20th March 2003.
It has been a year today since the second Gulf war broke out.
We were told in May 2003 the war was over but that's not true when soldiers are still even now getting killed.
There are soldier killed than there was before May 2003.
I don't think this war is over yet, why is our government telling us lies?
When I watch the news there seems to be bombs going off all over the world. 20.3.2004
Linked to 'TALKING TO THE GRAVES' there be some poems linked to ' TALKING TO THE GRAVES' I am hoping to create some love story lines between one of the ghosts and the live character.
Bad luck.
In this story, I was looking forward to seeing you.
What did we do wrong, we were just about to fall in love?
Life goes on and I must find a way forward.
I will never stop loving you but now you are in another world so I must start again.
I am going to carry on this earth without you, I find it hard to believe you were real in the first place, you are just a character in one of my stories.
I just can't see you but may be you can see me.
On the other hand I can't put my life on hold, that does not mean I am not trying to build your character up but you face a character based on me.
I need to love a real person and for real, I can't hear or see you. 30.12.2003
Cruel world.
I am a church of England.
Why did the world take you away?
War has spoiled it for us both.
No memory and no fun.
Not even one thing to look forward to.
There's no chance to see who I should have saw.
Christmas, death day and birthdays.
Darling I love you, god bless you. 30.12.2003
Christmas time.
I think about you at Christmas day.
I dream about you on Christmas night.
I am wishing that you'd walk up to my door.
We would be having a lovely time together.
I can just picture us together around the coal roaring fire. 30.12.2003
I must talk to you.
You might be up in heaven.
I might be here on earth.
Any of us could be anywhere and everywhere.
Whatever life is like, it does not mean I have stopped loving you.
There are so many stars in the sky at night, any star could be you. 30.12.2003
Private love.
You may well be a ghost but I love you.
People think I am mad if they knew or know.
I don't care what people think of the way I think.
This helps me accept death as it is even if there may not be as such thing as ghosts but there might be.
Our love may not be seen but heard, as strange it sounds.
You may over there and I might be over here but that does not stop us being a loving pair.
I hope you are lying to rest.
I believe you never rested on earth.
It's so hard to hold back the pain but try to be brave.
The truth is that when one rests in peace, the other wakes up.
Many people believe in people coming back as an animal or someone else.
Some say as one life is lost another life starts.
I don't know whether to believe in that or not but I wonder what have come back as if you have come?
Are you an animal or are you human?
Are female or male animal or human being?
Who knows? 30.12.2003 - 1.6.2004
What happens?
What is it like to be in the world of heaven?
Do you have less stress than we do on earth?
There's no perfect world with no problems at all so may be there are no two worlds heaven and earth.
Does your skin turn into bone?
Do you feel anything at all?
How on earth do people know?
Once you have gone, you have gone.
We never hear your voice again.
Are you ghosts really around or are you just nightmare fairy tales?
Are you really moving around?
I guess these questions are hard to answer.30.12.200 - 1.6.2004
To me, you are Freddie Mercury.
To me you are the King Of Music like Elvis Presley is the King Of Rock and Roll and Micheal Jackson is the King Of Pop.
Pop, rock, rock and roll and many all you have done it all.
Freddie, you may be one of the stars in the sky.
You were more than just a hero to us fans, it was almost as if we had known you all our lives even though we did not.
You were everything rolled into one to us.
I wonder how the moon is for heaven as well as earth.
There are too many questions hard to answer, most will never ever get answered.
2005 - 2006.
Any way forward.
It all seems so dark.
It's hard to know what is going to happen without you.
It's hard to believe you have gone fifteen years, it's hard believe you have gone at all.
It's hard to believe that you are never coming back to give more music.
I grew up watching you sing, those happy memories have not gone.
I remember watching on Live Aid when I was fifteen years old.
I even used to hope that I'd meet you one day but no chance of that Freddie Mercury.
Now it's far too late for all that.
Never mind not everything goes everyone's way. 2003 - 2006
Why you?
I could not believe it when you had gone but let's believe your spirit is still here!
The night I found out the world had lost you, I cried my eyes out in my bedroom all night long.
Your art and music still lives on.
Nearly fifteen years on and even now the news has not sank in. 2003 - 2006.
Is there a god?
Have you ever seen god or a god?
If yes is the case, do you get on with him?
Is god the boss of heaven?
Should we believe in him or not?
Will he send you to hell if you do bad but heaven if you do good?
Do we really need help from god or do we help ourselves?
Is god the boss of heaven? 6.1.2004
Wondering minds.
It must be lovely to sleep and never wake up.
It is death forever sleeping.
May be you can't sleep at all.
May be you live the same life in heaven as you did on earth work, sleep and social life.
It's just like a dark tunnel, you feel trapped and you must get out.
Do you feel things or not?
Do you get some sleep and wake up? 6.1.2004
What's the weather like in heaven?
Does it get cold in heaven?
Does it get hot in heaven?
Can it go hot and cold in heaven like it does on earth?
Does it all stay the same?
Do you have snow?
Do you have rain?
Does it change?
May be for people in heaven life stays the same.
Is there a future in heaven, is there any life at all?
May be only if there is past and a present. 2003 - 2006
I am writing a silly verse, does it get any worse?
I am writing a silly poem, this poem is worth knowing.
I wish I could write my poems more like Lenard Cohen.
Is Lenard Cohen worth knowing, does he do sewing?
We sat to kiss but there was so much mist.
He's written my name on his love list.
He's a boy who gives me so much joy.
It was a peaceful night,
read before I turned the light.
I could not sleep because there was a fight.
There was once a verse about a empty purse.
I don't know who found the purse first.
I think it a man named thrust.
The man who stool it he was crust.
This is your friend until the end.
This the end, your not my friend.
I swam in the sea,
I saw Lee drinking a cup of tea,
there was no tea for me.
I need some fresh air.
The sweets we should share.
In this world there's some care.
Today I feel so much sorrow, may be I will be happy tomorrow.
When I see you tomorrow I will follow.
The man who spend his long life with his wife,
in the end he killed with a knife because was a nightmare of his life.
He paid a big price when he killed his long lasting wife. 2003 -2006
Sound.
I can hear the sound of music in my flat.
It's the sound of Queen Freddie Mercury has such a great voice.
Other than the sound of music I can hear silence. 2003 - 2006
Dripping tap.
A dripping tap can get you down if it drips too much.
All you can hear is drip drop.
If the drip drops long enough, water can cost too much, turn the tap off. 2003 -2006
How do you feel?
You don't seem to love me as much as you used to do.
Sometimes I wonder if you ever did love me.
What have I done so wrong to you?
Sometimes I think I should walk out the door but my love for you is too strong.
I just don't feel as if I belong. 2003 - 2006
That's Life.
In life everyone, I makes mistakes.
Promises that I make self I break, I carry on making mistakes.
That's what we are all like as a human race, that's very often the case.
Sometimes it's too late to mend the mistake, never ,end what's already broken.
Mistakes are the main things in life that the human race hates to face.
Sometimes we can be lucky to find with some mistakes it's never too late to try to make something again but it is because the same things happens again. 2003 - 2006
What's a matter with you?
You look at me.
I look at you.
I tried to think what to do because I know you don't know what you want to do.
The problem is that I love you but you are acting as if you don't love me.
Yes it's true no matter what I say and do you seem so blue, you are making me feel that way too.
Follow you heart, then you may know what you want in life.
No more tears, fear and everything will be clear.
You will find your mind, your always on my mind.
I love you,
do you love me.
Our love is meant to be.
You don't very often anymore give me a hug.
What's wrong with our love?
People must think I am mad loving you after what you put me through.
How many times do I have to say I love you.
Why don't you tell me how you feel?
Why look so blue?
Over the years I have traveled to see you whatever the weather to be with you.
Rain, hail, wind, sun and snow I love to see you.
If you love me show love. 2003 - 2006
Is life that bad?
Do you feel sad when it rains on the window pain?
On rainy days do you see me sad?
Does it make you sad?
When the clouds are black and gray that is a rainy day.
When the sky is blue, it's a yellow sunny day we should be in a happy way but we may well be sad inside ourselves.
Now that I have heard what go through your head now listen to what goes through my head.
You never go away, I never stop thinking about you.
The way you were makes me feel happy, the way you are now makes me feel sad. 1.6.2004
Cheer up.
Let's go out together under the shade today.
Let's talk it through.
Let's be ourselves and do what we want.
Now tell me what is really going on.
Tell me what is going to happen between us.
I love you from the bottom of my heart I hope we will never part.
The sun is shining in the sky to give us romance.
Give me passion, desire and set me on fire. 2003 - 2006
Starting again.
I love you and need you.
I just hope you still feel the same way.
I want to know that it lasts between us, I am fed up of making mistakes.
Let's learn from what we did wrong in the past.
Let's not rush into it so fast.
Forget the past.
Move on to the future.
Lets stop wasting time!
It's time to make up our minds.
If you don't know your own mind at thirty - five you may not have much time.
We must learn to be one and two of the kind. 2003 - 2006.
It was me.
I looked alright but I did not feel alright.
I have always had the parts of my body I need.
My mind was blank all through childhood due heavy dose of tablets.
I could not cope with my school work but I coped with my college work better.
School teachers thought I was lazy.
I was also bullied.
When I got home at night, I felt school was a waste of time.
It seemed as If I was never liked in school.
Everything I said and done was wrong, I felt as if I could not please anyone not even myself. 2000 onwards.
Think about.
Think about the good and bad in this world.
Drugs bring shame to this world, which causes people to create crime.
The greatest thing in the world is love that brings the best to us all.
Love can support one another through the bad times in life.
Love is not just through a partner but family and friends but in difference ways.
You can't have good news all the while but there's too much bad news in the world today.
Why do we moan?
What do we moan about?
Do we stop to think about that there is always a lot people worse off than ourselves?
The kind of people who have nothing to wear, eat and nowhere to sleep.
Why are we sad when we know we have familes, friends and homes?
Why are the worse off people more happy than us? 30.12.2003
Anger.
There's nothing more than helps you get your feelings out, even though anger is not nice.
It does not do for you to bottle things inside yourself.
Now over the years I have accepted the skills I can't manage the anger get's less and less.
It's upsetting when you can't cope with things.
You feel as if no one understands you, I am not sure whether people understand me now.
I don't think I will ever understand myself, I don't think I ever will.
That's why your a child with a broken heart. 2000 onwards
How hard it is to care about people who find it hard to care about themselves.
Don't people understand?
It's hard to care about people when you have problems caring for yourself.
When deep down you care about people but it's hard to show.
One day you will show those feelings.
I am still working on myself slowly.
I can show care a lot better than I used to.
What do we do right and wrong?
Do we really understand what's right and wrong? 30.12.2003
Animals.
Animals are loving to us.
Not everyone is kind to animals like most people are.
If you hurt them or you are strange to them they may hurt you.
Some people can not be like you and me.
That's their problem not ours. 30.12.2003
You are misunderstood.
You are misunderstood because people don't understand you as a person with a disability.
A lot of people don't understand themselves even but we understand how they work.
We understand that they are trying to block us out.
We are too slow and we are too much hard work to teach in the eyes of society. 30.12.2003
How you left us.
You all battled for your country.
You lost your life to save disabled people.
You and many others lost your lives to save us all.
Without you guys we would not have had a future but then you all should have had a future too.
Thank you all. 1.6.2004
I love you.
I hope you like flowers.
Trying to cry is hard but then you may not want me to cry.
If I cry, it will be hard to control because my tears won't stop.
I will always love you, you will be in my thoughts and dreams but with no memories. 1.6.2004
Love can be dangerous.
What kind of person am I?
Do you like the person I?
Is it fair to say I love the two of you?
Oh love can be so dangerous I don't know what to do.
I don't want to be dangerous I just want to love one of you.
I find it hard to win because I don't want to hurt any of you.
Whatever I do I feel as if I am hurting someone.
What does it matter chose one or no one at all.
Be friends with the other.
My feelings are hard to control and I am knocking my head on brick walls.
Oh love can be dangerous games to play.
I am not the woman I used to be or the woman I would like to be.
I intend to be faithful that's why I can't cope when I have strong feelings for two people.
I never thought my feelings would make life so hard.
I hate putting myself in the wrong, when life puts on the hard spot.
Love can be a dangerous game to play.
I either have too much choice or no choice at all.
It's a good job I only have the choice of two of you but that's hard enough to make that choose. 1.6.2004
My worse nightmare.
Where were you when my life started?
You left me with my family, without them where would I be?
Nowhere.
You left me out in the cold to find out by my Mother about you.
It was hard at the age of five to understand why my Father was not with me.
I had to get used to knowing that.
Asking my family and myself questions in my mind.
You just went off without a care in the world.
Why didn't you find me, why did I have to find you.
I always contract contract you, you very rarely contract me.
What are you scared of?
The things we could have done together have been lost, it's no good turning back the clock.
It's no good remarking on every boyfriend I have when you cause hurt yourself.
May be it's because you have never been able to cope with my disability.
My be that's not true because you have two children in care already.
It's almost as if you have no feelings or any understanding of how children feel .2000 onwards
When I am with you.
When I am with you, it all seems so true.
When I am without you I feel blue.
If only you knew how much I love you, I have told you enough times.
Please tell me why you lied?
I would sooner die.
When I look into your eyes, you give me so much pride.
Hay, please don't make me cry with all your lies.2000
What is our future life.
I know something is on your mind.
You keep trying to avoid me, why?
Is there something I should know?
Should me your pride!
Please don't tell me lies.
Please tell me what's on your mind?
Most of the time you can be very kind.
Without you in my life, time will be slow.
In the future, I wonder what I will find.
I'd very much like to be your bride but in plenty of time. 2000
I remember when our love ended.
You couldn't make your mind what you wanted.
You drove me mad all the time.
I told you, you could have her because I know you did not want to stay with me.
I may be sad and blue but I still love you.
Good, bad, happy and sad.
For some reason I must be so mad. 2001 onwards
I love you but you hurt me so.
Every day for four years, it all seemed dull and dark.
I found it so hard to move on.
I cried my eyes out when you left me.
I remember the day you met me.
I hope you won't leave me anyone, if you do I am out the door.
I won't ever come back anymore.
So don't give me a call.
I'll miss you again but I will have to stop myself from getting hurt.
I hope one day I will met someone who loves me for me and doesn't hurt me. 2001 onwards.
Heat.
Please remain that old flame.
Please don't give me the main blame.
Now the cards have been laid on the table, our love has failed.2000
School days.
There was a child, who always got the blame and the cane.
Every time he walked down the bus lanes.
Years later he become tame, through the amount of times he had been caned. 2000 onwards
It's time.
It's time to make up my mind.
It's time to live my life to make up my time.
It's time to empty my mind.
I am yours and you are mine.
Now let's have a great time.
Time to go away, I will be back in a few days. 2000 onwards
You will always find.
I think about you all the time.
You are always on my mind.
Every single time.
This a long song
bong bong.
Our love is with us here forever my dear.2000 onwards.
You were there, you'd gone, now you have come back.
We were far too young, we fell in love far too young.
We looked at each other and we knew it was love.
Two and a years was long for me to feel as if I belonged to you.
Four years of sadness and falling love with someone who I did not even love.
We need to act like adults instead of children.
The door was closed for so long, we never thought the door would open again.
We never thought we'd let one another in again.
We suddenly knew that we had loved one another too long to let go of one another. 26.5.2002
I never felt the same without you.
Walking around the town getting bored out of my head.
I used to think to go to pubs getting drunk out my head, I could not even stand on my own two feet I was that drunk, you broke my heart so much.
I told your Mum that I would have stop coming down, it was hard facing you in the same room knowing that you did not love me anymore and that you were with her.
your Mum told me to take no notice of you even though you were biting my head off. I could not stand anymore but.
If it had not been for your Mum telling me not to stop coming you won't have seen me again let a lone get back together.
As much as I like your Mum, has her advice made me a stronger person or not?
I know she likes me but I know we are always going be on and off until things go bang!
Your Mum told me not to let you get to me, even though you were biting my head off.
At the time I was going out of my mind I could not stand to be alive.
I think I had a very bad break down, you having gone off with her hurt me so much.
I must be mad to have you back but I love you so much.
I should not go back to you really but I love you too much not to.
Slowly I knew you will hurt me and break my heart again.
Me and your family tried to tell you, you going with her was a big mistake but you knew it all, you would not listen.
When you saw me, you had no interest in me what so ever.
When I walked out of your Mum's door I felt so small.
Now you love me again, I hope the pain has gone forever and for good.
Keep hold of me, there may come a day I may not love you anymore, I may not feel the same towards you as I do now, it's only love that has bought me back to you!
What goes around comes around, I treat you like you treat me. 26.5.2002
Stronger love.
I can trust that you won't hurt me again.
Our love is stronger whatever goes on.
I don't enjoy having epilepsy, it make it hard for me to lead my life but I mange somehow.
I don't let my condition put a hold on my life.
My condition may have bought us close together but then I hope it does not slit us apart.
I don't want to lose you again.
At the end of the day we always get on great.
Your my best friend as well as my lover.
My darling let's work hard at this after we have both been through already.
We will get through the good and bad together.26.5.2002
How lucky am I?
No dirty nappies to change.
No feeding, no bathing, no dressing, and putting to sleep.
No getting up in the night when they need looking after and when they are ill.
No having to put up with screaming and playing up.
No checking teenagers.
No being a Granny before my time.
It's such a unkind word to bring children.
You can love children without doing everything for them.
We were all children once that's what can be scary when you get a flash of yourself from the past when you were younger age.
I fear seeing myself in the mirror again when I was 8 yrs ago me in another person.
It seems wrong that you can't teach them right from wrong like we were taught as children.
It does not mean that I don't like children, it's nice to love them without the stress. 2000 onwards
I felt like ending my life.
When you left me, I felt like ending my life.
I could not see my future life.
Apart from my family, I felt I had nothing to live for.
Most people made out they were friends but they were not in the end.
Friendship was all I needed after I lost you.
I could not see the light at the end of the tunnel.
No idea of future and dreams, it was if I had nothing to look forward to.
I could not see any happiness at all.
I mind seemed and blank and the world seemed black.
I never thought I'd be strong enough stand anymore. 26.5.2002
Bonfire night.
Weeks before bonfire night, you hear the fire works keep going off all night, it gives us such a fright.
The good thing about it is that they give nights plenty of light.
People practicing before bonfire night.
The flashing lights are so bright for your eyes. 26.5.2002
Verse
(How selfish life can be?) Christmas is a waste of money but the main thing is keeping the children happy.
I wish I could be this fare away.
I want to led my own life.
I know I was once a child who was naughty who grow into an adult who had to learn right from wrong.
Now you can't take the law.
Teaching your child to be good but your taking the law into your own hands which is wrong when you just want your children to grow up into nice adult.
I am disabled, I would not be able to cope kids anyway, I don't would want to with many of them these day they are too scary. 26.5.2002
The young.
Walking around day and night.
They don't have to do anything.
Food and drink is very hard to buy these days.
Kids either very little food and drink or too much.
The education is not as good as it you used to be or kids learn things they should not know.
As adults it can be too late for them to learn right from wrong.
They end up begging people for food, drink and drugs.
Some people are on the streets because they have stressed their families out too.
Others have been turned away from their families for no reason, it's hard to know the truth is.
Some people there through lack of attention just for the sake of begging off people.
Some people try to make people feel sorry for them.
The backgrounds of these people are hard to know the truth of.
People don't know whether to help or not. 29.5.2002
Dull, bright.
I woke up in the morning, it was a very dull day.
Nothing seemed to have gone my way.
Trying to smile was a work of art.
The future seemed blank.
What's up with me?
I have heeled from my broken heart, now I am glad to see you back again.
I became brave and strong without you: I am still brave enough to love you again.
One minute the weather was hot then it was cold, it just went from dull to bright and bright to dull.
Since you have come back into my life, I am so in love with you.
I can't eat and sleep.
Tossing and turning in bed with happiness.
When I lost you I went through crying and sadness.
If you promise not to hurt me again, you will be more than special to me through out our life. 26.5.2002
I thought you had gone for good.
I thought about you all the time as tears came down my eyes.
I missed the man who made me laugh with his brown eyes and cheeky face.
You have got such lovely ways.
The pain you gave me cut me into like a knife going through me when you were not with me.
In time I had to get on with my life, I would have stopped alone not excepting you to come back.
I was not going to come back or wait for you otherwise I could have been waiting forever or never.
When I looked at you again, I knew I knew you too well.
I looked at that cheeky face.
I could not help but love you.
No matter how much you hurt me, I found it hard to hate you.
It seemed so long I thought you would come back.
I was more than surprised that you did. 26.5.2002
Mother and child.
I were an older child born to a Mother so young.
She too young to know about having a baby.
We both learned from one another.
My life started as a baby like all babies. 25.4.2002
Princess Die.
Die you were too young to die.
You were the people's friend until the end, in our eyes you still are and always will be.
You helped children so much.
You loved your children William and Harry.
Why did Charles hurt you so much?
You were one in a million as a person and the reward for the work you had done.
Society was so did not know who it lost until it lost you.
I can take or leave royally but I don't understand why most people hated you so much.
Naturally your sons loved you so much.
Your death must have left them with so much sadness.
You must be very much missed by them with the love of your sons. 26.5.2002
Why did we lose princess Die so young?
Why did Die and her boyfriend die so young?
It was so hurtful to think that the press was making their lives hell, I think the stress from the press caused both their deaths.
Dies new lover must have been better than Charles, he may have made her more happy than Charles did, we would have never of known.
Now she will be always be in rest and peace with the man she loved. 26.5.2002
Losing track of time.
When I last looked at the clock it was 11am.
Now I am writing poetry it's 1.05pm.
This is how time goes too fast.
If you are not doing anything time drags on. 26.5.2002
True love.
To love you too long and too strong.
To be apart for so long and not know why.
To not live with each other forever. 25.4.2002
To my lover and my best friend.
To love each other for each other.
To take things slowly.
To look at each other and know it's right. 25.4.2002
love verse.
To be happy together.
To go hot and cold.
To know that love is not a bed of roses.
To be able to talk to one another easy.
To keep things private bet ween one another.
Talk about it if or and when you are ready to.
To have a very special bond together.
Not to care what people say.
No one can take it away from you other than yourselves.
Not to let people's points of views get in your way. 25.4.2002
Losing you.
When I lost you, it was hard to accept.
It took so long to get over you.
In time I accepted that there was not anymore me and you.
It took time to forget what happened.
To dwell and be alone thinking that you'd be the last man I'd have in my life.
In time you were history so I did move on.
I just took you how I saw and heard you.
Now you have become mine all over again, happy for how long? 25.4.2002
I loved you far too long.
Our love is far long and too strong to let go of one another.
I have got to know you far too well.
When you broke my heart the pain hurt too hard to talk about.
I treasured the happy memories of having spent happy times together.
Now you are making me more happy than you did before.
I used to put on a brave face to show the world I was strong enough to be without you.26.4.2002
Life without you.
After having been apart from you so long.
I missed you so much and I have known you far too long to carry on being apart from you.
When I look at you very close, I know that I had been hiding my love for you so long. 26.4.2002
The weather.
Wet, windy and stormy, this is so unfair until the mouth of May.
It's pouring down with rain.
Where is the sunshine again. 26.5.2002
Miss you.
Miss you so much.
I keep on looking at the phone.
I am waiting to talk to you so much.
I keep waiting to see you so much.
Do you feel the same way?
I can't help but think I am letting you down, I don't mean that's only because I am not seeing you.
I can't stay at home alone because of my fits.
I have not enough money to give me a life of my own.
I only wish I had enough money for a long night out at least once a week.
Just give me time to sort my life out, then I will stop going his.
If you can't live with this I will understand.
Love you so much,. 11.5.2008
Enjoy life to the full.
If you can't be good be careful.
Be naughty, enjoy but don't be too bad.
Try to be happy not sad.
Be strong and brave in hard times.
Happiness will grow on earth.
Heaven will be a peaceful place when you get there if you believe it will.
There has to be something to keep us going in this life even if it's hard to believe what is true. 13.11.2001
Bad has turned into good.
The problems I had at the birth, I am lucky to be alive.
I am very thankful to people's support even though living with my disability is hard for not only for me but my family too.
We are now used to me having a disability, we have lived with it nearly forty years.
I have learned that I am not alone in the world although it felt like that way for many years of my live.
I am not the only person in the world with disabilities, a lot of my friends have disabilities too.
As a child I felt like the odd one in the world as if everyone could do everything and I could do nothing.
Now I feel apart of everyone even though you always get some people who enjoy trying to make life unhappy for you, no one with a disability is alone there, people without disabilities have to live with it too.
I may be a bit slow but I am still a human being just like you.
What is normal at the end of the day?
No one is perfect.
No one is right all the time about anything.
It would be boring if everyone was right about everything and everybody.
It took me many years to believe that I am not alone, now that I know that I am a lot happier person.
I feel a lot better now I have got a career that I never thought I'd have. 2001 - 2009
I will never leave you.
I will never leave you like you left me.
My life would be dull and empty without you.
Losing you again is my biggest fear so I beg of you not to let of me.
I must be brave and hope for the best.
I must be mad to still love you and go back to you with the way you hurt me.
I must learn to be strong through the best times and enjoy the good.
Be thankful to you, my family and friends.
You must not hurt me again because I can only take so much and I would have to call it the end whether I still love you or not.
When I accept the bad the good will become better. 13.11.2001
Poems of love.
Someone picks up a live red rose.
One day a throne sadly kills that red rose and throws her away.
Another throne kisses her and she comes back to life.
This goes on and on until she meets the right throne but does she? 2001
Eddie dog.
Eddie dog loves playing with his ball, well with anything soft, that includes human's soft objects.
Eddie is a naughty but funny and nice dog.
Eddie needs his headlock on when you take him out for a walk, he pulls you too hard.
Eddie is getting an old boy but it never seems like, he does not seem to slow down.
He still plays with anything and everything he can see.
He still messes with people's shoes and socks.
When he needs a long sleep, he will wake for his dinner and walk. 2001
Lover boy.
We have been together on and off since Monday 16th May 1994, it was a very cold and rainy day.
He's my lover and best friend right to the end.
We met in a bar, we never thought it would get very far.
After two and a half years he broke my heart.
For four years we were apart.
It gave me so many tears over those years.
In time I thought I'd stop loving him but my feelings of love came such a bug, if only I could.
One day we fell back in love, we never thought we could or would.
It was just one love life story book.
If I write, you must take a look.
I hope he won't hurt me again, otherwise I will have to leave him even if I do still love him to get over him.
That would be the end of a lover but he may be still be my best friend. 2003 - 2004
My Life without you.
I think about you in my flat.
When I am with you it is great.
When I am without you I think about you where ever I am.
I look forward to seeing you when I see you. 2001
Poetry.
Poetry is like drawing and painting a picture.
Poetry is like building each block from the bottom to the top.
Just built the walk brick by brick.
Start from the yellow sand, the blue sea, the buckets, the spades, the blue sky and yellow sun.13.11.2001
Forgetting the past.
I hope we have learned from the most of our mistakes.
I hope we can both make the most of life while we are still here.
I hope I will get wiser as I get older.
I will never know whether to believe that there is a even or even earth or not.
We are told that heaven and earth is difference worlds.
Some people tell you, you come back, I find it hard to believe that.
It's best to live your life to the full because you know what's to come.
Once you have gone, you have gone for good and you won't be seen again.
Some of us believe in ghost but it's hard to tell is and is not the truth in these things. 2001
Happiness.
Look forward to the future and take the happiness what is out there for you.
Life may seem dull at first but give it time it will brighten up.
You wondering what is happening, well wait your turn.
Surprises are out there for you. 2001
Well we all have something to live for.
Just tell yourself that there is a life out there for you.
If you think all sad, you won't get out there and you won't know what happiness is.
Come on, you can do better than that!
Show everyone that you can pull yourself together out of those bad times and look forward to the good.
How your life and future is, is up to you, it will have it's ups and down's like everyone's. 2001
Not all dreams come true.
Follow your heart and your head should, you should get what you want out of life.
Just let it all happen, go with the flow and happiness will come to you.
If you don't plan you should find true happiness.
Something or and someone will give happiness to you.
Who and what you don't have a clue. 2001
Hurry up spring.
Hurry up spring, let's put green leaves on the trees.
Birds hurry up to lay your eggs, have your babies and sing.
Sheep hurry to have your lambs so they can can jump and skip.
Lift up the grass with yellow daffodils!
Let's see more of the short green that's covered in yellow daffodils.
Let's just bring back the joys of spring in the air! 24.1.2001
Where are you my love?
I am dreaming you being with me.
I picture you inside my mind.
I think about you in the day.
I dream about you at night.
Sometimes I hear your voice on the telephone.
I miss you all the time.
Am I living in fairy tale land or are you really mine? 24.1.2001
I know it's all over.
There's no such thing as the last kiss.
You did not seem to care whether I went or not.
You did not seem to care whether you never saw me again or not.
If only I did not care or loved you either.
You never let me know whether you were happy or sad to see me again.
Are you human, are you real or have I been having a strange dream all these years?
I just don't know why I am bothering coming back as there is nothing there for me.
I did not want to go or stay.
You don't love me so why am I here?
It does not feel that way.
Why am I hanging around where I am not wanted?
You are just a hard habit to break.
The worse thing is that you are unsure how you feel.
That does not help my feelings at all.
You have not done yourself any favors.
You have lied to yourself and to me.
Why do you have to leave to me to find out what's going through your mind?
How can I help I am not a mind reader?
Without yourself knowing it, you have hurt the one you love yet again.
Oh I forgot you don't know whether you love me or not.
It's hard to say what you want because you either won't tell me or you give me difference answers.
It does not make it very easy for me to know whether I should stay or go.
My mind tells me that leaving you is the right thing to do but my heart is saying no.
If you feel the same as I do, please send me a letter, text or a call.
Please ask people we know in pubs if they have seen me.
Don't know why I bothered saying that, I have had enough of been messed round.
I am leaving you one day when I feel strong enough to.
Don't rush into thinking about it too hard Ant it may take forever.
There are plenty more fish in the sea, I just hope the next one knows what he wants in life.
I will get away from this confused man one day, I hope will find someone someday who knows his own mind.
Ant if you don't know what you want after nearly fourteen years, you never will.
Who knows I may never bother with men again but I know I will. Jan08 - Feb 09
First serious love.
It feels as if no one will ever replace you but I don't want someone to replace you.
I want someone who loves me for me, which is more than I can say for you.
I want someone who knows what he wants in life.
You have known me fifteen yrs on and off but you don't know whether you love me or not.
It sounds as if you don't know what love is, I thought I may be have shown you that by now.
Yet you have had girlfriends before me, what a strange man you are.
You should know how I feel about you by now.
Even after all these years, you do not really understand how much you really mean to me.
You never now tell me whether you feel the same way towards me or not.
Did you ever love me?
You either loved me as much as you could or not at all.
I think I have wasted fifteen yrs loving a man who never loved me.
Your feelings turn on and off like a light.
I don't know why I still feel the same as I did when I first met you.
Come on Ant, that was a long time ago, if you don't know I am serious about you now, you never will.
I am so sorry that I can't stop loving you but I also understand how you feel too but then you don't know how you feel or what you want.
I wish I could help but I can't someone who does not know what they want themselves.
I wish you did not change your feelings every five minutes, now stop playing with my feelings!
You know very well how I feel about you so you mess me around more.
The way things are I know one day I won't feel the same as I do today.
I will get away from you to make sure that I don't feel the same as I do today anymore.
It's no good changing how you feel then because it could be too late for you.
The more I love you and see you, the more you hurt me.
May be I am wrong but it feels as if you don't have the same feelings as me anymore.
I only wish I did not feel for you this way. 14.2.09
I must be mad.
Fifteen years now I have loved you for, despite the pain we have been through together.
In time we have become just friends and lovers on and off.
In that time I have written pages and pages of poetry about you, I have even written about you in my diaries.
No matter what happens I will always love you.
No matter what happens despite the way you feel about me, even though it's not the answer I want to hear. 14.2.2009
Valentines day without love.
You feel alone in the world when you see couples walking down the street and holding hands.
You feel alone the world when you see people with presents and cards.
Why am I bothered?
Valentines day is waste of time and money mostly when the one you love does not love you anymore.
I write him a poetry, a waste of pen and ink but I still write them.
Sara just get on with life but it's even worse when valentine's day just hits you in the face. 14.2.2009
New start.
It's hard to change completely but I must change most things.
Somethings can change but others can't.
Somethings we to change, others we don't.
There are other things we have no choice about, you may have to change or don't change or can't change at all.
Somethings are easy to change others are not.
It would be a boring life if we were all the same.
There are so many things I should change but I won't can't let go, like I need to let go of Anthony. Jan 08 - Feb 09
I have been such a fool.
Whatever kind person you are I have loved you for fifteen years.
I still feel the same to this day but I very soon hope that those feelings will go away.
I can accept friendship but the more I see you the more I love you, you hurt me more because I know you don't feel the same way.
Sometimes you pretend to love me to keep me happy then you tell me you don't to make me sad.
May be you do know what you want but you play me around to hurt me.
As for you, you don't know how you feel towards me so how am I to know?
This is two possible guesses, if only I was a mind reader.
We have been through so many ups and downs together over the years but somehow I am still here for you even though we are just friends.
I have wasted so much time crying, days thinking about you and losing sleep over you.
The headaches and heartaches are just too much, I can't say I know when but I think I will go one day, I have had enough.
I don't know why I hang around anymore, it feels as if you don't feel the same way anymore.
May be you did not feel the way I thought you did.
I must be a complete fool, I am so in love with you it hurts.
I have tried so hard to love others but it did not work.
Many people have thought I had been a fool to put up with you all these years, may be they are right.
I don't know what else to do if I am not wanted in your life anymore.
May be one day I will be strong enough walk away from you like you walked away from me. Jan 08 - Feb 09
Henry IIV.
Henry IIV was on Most Haunted one night.
To think he had six wives.
He carried on marrying until he had a son.
He finely had a son went he married Jane Seymour.
She died after their son was born.
He had another three wives after Jane Seymour.
With Henry IVV, you never know he could be a dark horse. 2000 onwards.
There's a light at the end of the tunnel.
You may not think life is not living.
You feel blank.
You feel empty.
Your in a world of your own.
One day you feel life is a head of you, the next day you don't.
That's what happened to me.
Wait and see, it takes it's own time, it will happen to you.
You may not think you have a future.
It all seems dark as long as it seems dark but if there's anything I have learned once you get to the end of the tunnel there's a bright light.
You have Education, work and social life to think about. 2000 onwards
Edar Allan Poe.
There was once a poet I was not born to know.
His name was Edar Allan Poe.
He used to write his poems on top of a tree.
Did he write a poem called poe tree?
As the years went on spelling changed to poetry.
Take no notice of me, I am just playing around with words to write poe tree. 31st March 2007
We can make it.
Life can't be perfect.
Don't give up!
Live life to the end no matter how good or bad.
Keep strong you will get through. 19.3.2004
What can be worse?
No peace,
No quiet,
No clothes,
Be thankful for what you have got, if you have got anything at all.
Never feel sorry for yourself.
Nothing changes unless you change it yourself. 19.3.2004
We must get by.
No matter what we don't like, we must get by.
Don't let the bad things stop the good things in your life.
We only live once.
Why die sad when you can die happy.
More than anything give yourself a good time, you never know what's round the condor.19.3.2004
Talking to you.
When I talk to you, I find it hard to know what to say to you.
Before I talk to you, I have plenty of time to think about it but when I get on the phone I go blank.
It's nice to talk to you, it's so lovely to hear your voice.
You give me the news, then I will tell you what's been happening in my life.
I miss you so much, I wish I could see more of you.
I've also been interested in some men but they have not been interested in me.
Now I feel young and in my prime.
Not been able to make up my mind bet ween two men who I love and they love me.
To be fair I can only choose one, which is very hard. 29.12.2003
Take life as it comes.
We accept that we can't have every perfect in this life but our lives could be better then it could be worse.
It does not matter how hard life is, don't let it get to you.
Sadly with a lot of things, there is not a lot of things we can do.
We must accept it, be brave, strong and get on with life.
It will only get worse if you let things get to you.
Beat the world before it beats you.29.12.2003
Everything comes to life.
When I hear the wind blowing, it's as if the whole world has come to life.
The trees blow from side to side.
Fences come to life, full down, break up and die.
Litter runs down the road as fast as a flying kite.
Without wind there will be only animals and human beings who and what will come to life. 19.3.2004
Life today.
Too much traffic on the road today, it makes it so hard to cross the road.
Ques in difference places over a mile long.
People banging into one another.
No manners please and thank you.
Missing buses that come too early to what they say on the time tables but the wait is long enough for them to be late. 21.3.2004
Childhood.
Living life without a care in the world.
Everything taken care of by adults.
Skipping, playing games, going to the fair and building sandcastles on the beach all seems such a long time ago.
When we are children we want to become adults but many adults want to be children again.
Suddenly we regret growing up so fast but just don't know what fun is when we are young until it's all gone. 21.3.2004
20th March 2003.
It has been a year today since the second Gulf war broke out.
We were told in May 2003 the war was over but that's not true when soldiers are still even now getting killed.
There are soldier killed than there was before May 2003.
I don't think this war is over yet, why is our government telling us lies?
When I watch the news there seems to be bombs going off all over the world. 20.3.2004
Linked to 'TALKING TO THE GRAVES' there be some poems linked to ' TALKING TO THE GRAVES' I am hoping to create some love story lines between one of the ghosts and the live character.
Bad luck.
In this story, I was looking forward to seeing you.
What did we do wrong, we were just about to fall in love?
Life goes on and I must find a way forward.
I will never stop loving you but now you are in another world so I must start again.
I am going to carry on this earth without you, I find it hard to believe you were real in the first place, you are just a character in one of my stories.
I just can't see you but may be you can see me.
On the other hand I can't put my life on hold, that does not mean I am not trying to build your character up but you face a character based on me.
I need to love a real person and for real, I can't hear or see you. 30.12.2003
Cruel world.
I am a church of England.
Why did the world take you away?
War has spoiled it for us both.
No memory and no fun.
Not even one thing to look forward to.
There's no chance to see who I should have saw.
Christmas, death day and birthdays.
Darling I love you, god bless you. 30.12.2003
Christmas time.
I think about you at Christmas day.
I dream about you on Christmas night.
I am wishing that you'd walk up to my door.
We would be having a lovely time together.
I can just picture us together around the coal roaring fire. 30.12.2003
I must talk to you.
You might be up in heaven.
I might be here on earth.
Any of us could be anywhere and everywhere.
Whatever life is like, it does not mean I have stopped loving you.
There are so many stars in the sky at night, any star could be you. 30.12.2003
Private love.
You may well be a ghost but I love you.
People think I am mad if they knew or know.
I don't care what people think of the way I think.
This helps me accept death as it is even if there may not be as such thing as ghosts but there might be.
Our love may not be seen but heard, as strange it sounds.
You may over there and I might be over here but that does not stop us being a loving pair.
I hope you are lying to rest.
I believe you never rested on earth.
It's so hard to hold back the pain but try to be brave.
The truth is that when one rests in peace, the other wakes up.
Many people believe in people coming back as an animal or someone else.
Some say as one life is lost another life starts.
I don't know whether to believe in that or not but I wonder what have come back as if you have come?
Are you an animal or are you human?
Are female or male animal or human being?
Who knows? 30.12.2003 - 1.6.2004
What happens?
What is it like to be in the world of heaven?
Do you have less stress than we do on earth?
There's no perfect world with no problems at all so may be there are no two worlds heaven and earth.
Does your skin turn into bone?
Do you feel anything at all?
How on earth do people know?
Once you have gone, you have gone.
We never hear your voice again.
Are you ghosts really around or are you just nightmare fairy tales?
Are you really moving around?
I guess these questions are hard to answer.30.12.200 - 1.6.2004
To me, you are Freddie Mercury.
To me you are the King Of Music like Elvis Presley is the King Of Rock and Roll and Micheal Jackson is the King Of Pop.
Pop, rock, rock and roll and many all you have done it all.
Freddie, you may be one of the stars in the sky.
You were more than just a hero to us fans, it was almost as if we had known you all our lives even though we did not.
You were everything rolled into one to us.
I wonder how the moon is for heaven as well as earth.
There are too many questions hard to answer, most will never ever get answered.
2005 - 2006.
Any way forward.
It all seems so dark.
It's hard to know what is going to happen without you.
It's hard to believe you have gone fifteen years, it's hard believe you have gone at all.
It's hard to believe that you are never coming back to give more music.
I grew up watching you sing, those happy memories have not gone.
I remember watching on Live Aid when I was fifteen years old.
I even used to hope that I'd meet you one day but no chance of that Freddie Mercury.
Now it's far too late for all that.
Never mind not everything goes everyone's way. 2003 - 2006
Why you?
I could not believe it when you had gone but let's believe your spirit is still here!
The night I found out the world had lost you, I cried my eyes out in my bedroom all night long.
Your art and music still lives on.
Nearly fifteen years on and even now the news has not sank in. 2003 - 2006.
Is there a god?
Have you ever seen god or a god?
If yes is the case, do you get on with him?
Is god the boss of heaven?
Should we believe in him or not?
Will he send you to hell if you do bad but heaven if you do good?
Do we really need help from god or do we help ourselves?
Is god the boss of heaven? 6.1.2004
Wondering minds.
It must be lovely to sleep and never wake up.
It is death forever sleeping.
May be you can't sleep at all.
May be you live the same life in heaven as you did on earth work, sleep and social life.
It's just like a dark tunnel, you feel trapped and you must get out.
Do you feel things or not?
Do you get some sleep and wake up? 6.1.2004
What's the weather like in heaven?
Does it get cold in heaven?
Does it get hot in heaven?
Can it go hot and cold in heaven like it does on earth?
Does it all stay the same?
Do you have snow?
Do you have rain?
Does it change?
May be for people in heaven life stays the same.
Is there a future in heaven, is there any life at all?
May be only if there is past and a present. 2003 - 2006
I am writing a silly verse, does it get any worse?
I am writing a silly poem, this poem is worth knowing.
I wish I could write my poems more like Lenard Cohen.
Is Lenard Cohen worth knowing, does he do sewing?
We sat to kiss but there was so much mist.
He's written my name on his love list.
He's a boy who gives me so much joy.
It was a peaceful night,
read before I turned the light.
I could not sleep because there was a fight.
There was once a verse about a empty purse.
I don't know who found the purse first.
I think it a man named thrust.
The man who stool it he was crust.
This is your friend until the end.
This the end, your not my friend.
I swam in the sea,
I saw Lee drinking a cup of tea,
there was no tea for me.
I need some fresh air.
The sweets we should share.
In this world there's some care.
Today I feel so much sorrow, may be I will be happy tomorrow.
When I see you tomorrow I will follow.
The man who spend his long life with his wife,
in the end he killed with a knife because was a nightmare of his life.
He paid a big price when he killed his long lasting wife. 2003 -2006
Sound.
I can hear the sound of music in my flat.
It's the sound of Queen Freddie Mercury has such a great voice.
Other than the sound of music I can hear silence. 2003 - 2006
Dripping tap.
A dripping tap can get you down if it drips too much.
All you can hear is drip drop.
If the drip drops long enough, water can cost too much, turn the tap off. 2003 -2006
How do you feel?
You don't seem to love me as much as you used to do.
Sometimes I wonder if you ever did love me.
What have I done so wrong to you?
Sometimes I think I should walk out the door but my love for you is too strong.
I just don't feel as if I belong. 2003 - 2006
That's Life.
In life everyone, I makes mistakes.
Promises that I make self I break, I carry on making mistakes.
That's what we are all like as a human race, that's very often the case.
Sometimes it's too late to mend the mistake, never ,end what's already broken.
Mistakes are the main things in life that the human race hates to face.
Sometimes we can be lucky to find with some mistakes it's never too late to try to make something again but it is because the same things happens again. 2003 - 2006
What's a matter with you?
You look at me.
I look at you.
I tried to think what to do because I know you don't know what you want to do.
The problem is that I love you but you are acting as if you don't love me.
Yes it's true no matter what I say and do you seem so blue, you are making me feel that way too.
Follow you heart, then you may know what you want in life.
No more tears, fear and everything will be clear.
You will find your mind, your always on my mind.
I love you,
do you love me.
Our love is meant to be.
You don't very often anymore give me a hug.
What's wrong with our love?
People must think I am mad loving you after what you put me through.
How many times do I have to say I love you.
Why don't you tell me how you feel?
Why look so blue?
Over the years I have traveled to see you whatever the weather to be with you.
Rain, hail, wind, sun and snow I love to see you.
If you love me show love. 2003 - 2006
Is life that bad?
Do you feel sad when it rains on the window pain?
On rainy days do you see me sad?
Does it make you sad?
When the clouds are black and gray that is a rainy day.
When the sky is blue, it's a yellow sunny day we should be in a happy way but we may well be sad inside ourselves.
Now that I have heard what go through your head now listen to what goes through my head.
You never go away, I never stop thinking about you.
The way you were makes me feel happy, the way you are now makes me feel sad. 1.6.2004
Cheer up.
Let's go out together under the shade today.
Let's talk it through.
Let's be ourselves and do what we want.
Now tell me what is really going on.
Tell me what is going to happen between us.
I love you from the bottom of my heart I hope we will never part.
The sun is shining in the sky to give us romance.
Give me passion, desire and set me on fire. 2003 - 2006
Starting again.
I love you and need you.
I just hope you still feel the same way.
I want to know that it lasts between us, I am fed up of making mistakes.
Let's learn from what we did wrong in the past.
Let's not rush into it so fast.
Forget the past.
Move on to the future.
Lets stop wasting time!
It's time to make up our minds.
If you don't know your own mind at thirty - five you may not have much time.
We must learn to be one and two of the kind. 2003 - 2006.
It was me.
I looked alright but I did not feel alright.
I have always had the parts of my body I need.
My mind was blank all through childhood due heavy dose of tablets.
I could not cope with my school work but I coped with my college work better.
School teachers thought I was lazy.
I was also bullied.
When I got home at night, I felt school was a waste of time.
It seemed as If I was never liked in school.
Everything I said and done was wrong, I felt as if I could not please anyone not even myself. 2000 onwards.
Think about.
Think about the good and bad in this world.
Drugs bring shame to this world, which causes people to create crime.
The greatest thing in the world is love that brings the best to us all.
Love can support one another through the bad times in life.
Love is not just through a partner but family and friends but in difference ways.
You can't have good news all the while but there's too much bad news in the world today.
Why do we moan?
What do we moan about?
Do we stop to think about that there is always a lot people worse off than ourselves?
The kind of people who have nothing to wear, eat and nowhere to sleep.
Why are we sad when we know we have familes, friends and homes?
Why are the worse off people more happy than us? 30.12.2003
Anger.
There's nothing more than helps you get your feelings out, even though anger is not nice.
It does not do for you to bottle things inside yourself.
Now over the years I have accepted the skills I can't manage the anger get's less and less.
It's upsetting when you can't cope with things.
You feel as if no one understands you, I am not sure whether people understand me now.
I don't think I will ever understand myself, I don't think I ever will.
That's why your a child with a broken heart. 2000 onwards
How hard it is to care about people who find it hard to care about themselves.
Don't people understand?
It's hard to care about people when you have problems caring for yourself.
When deep down you care about people but it's hard to show.
One day you will show those feelings.
I am still working on myself slowly.
I can show care a lot better than I used to.
What do we do right and wrong?
Do we really understand what's right and wrong? 30.12.2003
Animals.
Animals are loving to us.
Not everyone is kind to animals like most people are.
If you hurt them or you are strange to them they may hurt you.
Some people can not be like you and me.
That's their problem not ours. 30.12.2003
You are misunderstood.
You are misunderstood because people don't understand you as a person with a disability.
A lot of people don't understand themselves even but we understand how they work.
We understand that they are trying to block us out.
We are too slow and we are too much hard work to teach in the eyes of society. 30.12.2003
How you left us.
You all battled for your country.
You lost your life to save disabled people.
You and many others lost your lives to save us all.
Without you guys we would not have had a future but then you all should have had a future too.
Thank you all. 1.6.2004
I love you.
I hope you like flowers.
Trying to cry is hard but then you may not want me to cry.
If I cry, it will be hard to control because my tears won't stop.
I will always love you, you will be in my thoughts and dreams but with no memories. 1.6.2004
Love can be dangerous.
What kind of person am I?
Do you like the person I?
Is it fair to say I love the two of you?
Oh love can be so dangerous I don't know what to do.
I don't want to be dangerous I just want to love one of you.
I find it hard to win because I don't want to hurt any of you.
Whatever I do I feel as if I am hurting someone.
What does it matter chose one or no one at all.
Be friends with the other.
My feelings are hard to control and I am knocking my head on brick walls.
Oh love can be dangerous games to play.
I am not the woman I used to be or the woman I would like to be.
I intend to be faithful that's why I can't cope when I have strong feelings for two people.
I never thought my feelings would make life so hard.
I hate putting myself in the wrong, when life puts on the hard spot.
Love can be a dangerous game to play.
I either have too much choice or no choice at all.
It's a good job I only have the choice of two of you but that's hard enough to make that choose. 1.6.2004
My worse nightmare.
Where were you when my life started?
You left me with my family, without them where would I be?
Nowhere.
You left me out in the cold to find out by my Mother about you.
It was hard at the age of five to understand why my Father was not with me.
I had to get used to knowing that.
Asking my family and myself questions in my mind.
You just went off without a care in the world.
Why didn't you find me, why did I have to find you.
I always contract contract you, you very rarely contract me.
What are you scared of?
The things we could have done together have been lost, it's no good turning back the clock.
It's no good remarking on every boyfriend I have when you cause hurt yourself.
May be it's because you have never been able to cope with my disability.
My be that's not true because you have two children in care already.
It's almost as if you have no feelings or any understanding of how children feel .2000 onwards
When I am with you.
When I am with you, it all seems so true.
When I am without you I feel blue.
If only you knew how much I love you, I have told you enough times.
Please tell me why you lied?
I would sooner die.
When I look into your eyes, you give me so much pride.
Hay, please don't make me cry with all your lies.2000
What is our future life.
I know something is on your mind.
You keep trying to avoid me, why?
Is there something I should know?
Should me your pride!
Please don't tell me lies.
Please tell me what's on your mind?
Most of the time you can be very kind.
Without you in my life, time will be slow.
In the future, I wonder what I will find.
I'd very much like to be your bride but in plenty of time. 2000
I remember when our love ended.
You couldn't make your mind what you wanted.
You drove me mad all the time.
I told you, you could have her because I know you did not want to stay with me.
I may be sad and blue but I still love you.
Good, bad, happy and sad.
For some reason I must be so mad. 2001 onwards
I love you but you hurt me so.
Every day for four years, it all seemed dull and dark.
I found it so hard to move on.
I cried my eyes out when you left me.
I remember the day you met me.
I hope you won't leave me anyone, if you do I am out the door.
I won't ever come back anymore.
So don't give me a call.
I'll miss you again but I will have to stop myself from getting hurt.
I hope one day I will met someone who loves me for me and doesn't hurt me. 2001 onwards.
Heat.
Please remain that old flame.
Please don't give me the main blame.
Now the cards have been laid on the table, our love has failed.2000
School days.
There was a child, who always got the blame and the cane.
Every time he walked down the bus lanes.
Years later he become tame, through the amount of times he had been caned. 2000 onwards
It's time.
It's time to make up my mind.
It's time to live my life to make up my time.
It's time to empty my mind.
I am yours and you are mine.
Now let's have a great time.
Time to go away, I will be back in a few days. 2000 onwards
You will always find.
I think about you all the time.
You are always on my mind.
Every single time.
This a long song
bong bong.
Our love is with us here forever my dear.2000 onwards.
You were there, you'd gone, now you have come back.
We were far too young, we fell in love far too young.
We looked at each other and we knew it was love.
Two and a years was long for me to feel as if I belonged to you.
Four years of sadness and falling love with someone who I did not even love.
We need to act like adults instead of children.
The door was closed for so long, we never thought the door would open again.
We never thought we'd let one another in again.
We suddenly knew that we had loved one another too long to let go of one another. 26.5.2002
I never felt the same without you.
Walking around the town getting bored out of my head.
I used to think to go to pubs getting drunk out my head, I could not even stand on my own two feet I was that drunk, you broke my heart so much.
I told your Mum that I would have stop coming down, it was hard facing you in the same room knowing that you did not love me anymore and that you were with her.
your Mum told me to take no notice of you even though you were biting my head off. I could not stand anymore but.
If it had not been for your Mum telling me not to stop coming you won't have seen me again let a lone get back together.
As much as I like your Mum, has her advice made me a stronger person or not?
I know she likes me but I know we are always going be on and off until things go bang!
Your Mum told me not to let you get to me, even though you were biting my head off.
At the time I was going out of my mind I could not stand to be alive.
I think I had a very bad break down, you having gone off with her hurt me so much.
I must be mad to have you back but I love you so much.
I should not go back to you really but I love you too much not to.
Slowly I knew you will hurt me and break my heart again.
Me and your family tried to tell you, you going with her was a big mistake but you knew it all, you would not listen.
When you saw me, you had no interest in me what so ever.
When I walked out of your Mum's door I felt so small.
Now you love me again, I hope the pain has gone forever and for good.
Keep hold of me, there may come a day I may not love you anymore, I may not feel the same towards you as I do now, it's only love that has bought me back to you!
What goes around comes around, I treat you like you treat me. 26.5.2002
Stronger love.
I can trust that you won't hurt me again.
Our love is stronger whatever goes on.
I don't enjoy having epilepsy, it make it hard for me to lead my life but I mange somehow.
I don't let my condition put a hold on my life.
My condition may have bought us close together but then I hope it does not slit us apart.
I don't want to lose you again.
At the end of the day we always get on great.
Your my best friend as well as my lover.
My darling let's work hard at this after we have both been through already.
We will get through the good and bad together.26.5.2002
How lucky am I?
No dirty nappies to change.
No feeding, no bathing, no dressing, and putting to sleep.
No getting up in the night when they need looking after and when they are ill.
No having to put up with screaming and playing up.
No checking teenagers.
No being a Granny before my time.
It's such a unkind word to bring children.
You can love children without doing everything for them.
We were all children once that's what can be scary when you get a flash of yourself from the past when you were younger age.
I fear seeing myself in the mirror again when I was 8 yrs ago me in another person.
It seems wrong that you can't teach them right from wrong like we were taught as children.
It does not mean that I don't like children, it's nice to love them without the stress. 2000 onwards
I felt like ending my life.
When you left me, I felt like ending my life.
I could not see my future life.
Apart from my family, I felt I had nothing to live for.
Most people made out they were friends but they were not in the end.
Friendship was all I needed after I lost you.
I could not see the light at the end of the tunnel.
No idea of future and dreams, it was if I had nothing to look forward to.
I could not see any happiness at all.
I mind seemed and blank and the world seemed black.
I never thought I'd be strong enough stand anymore. 26.5.2002
Bonfire night.
Weeks before bonfire night, you hear the fire works keep going off all night, it gives us such a fright.
The good thing about it is that they give nights plenty of light.
People practicing before bonfire night.
The flashing lights are so bright for your eyes. 26.5.2002
Verse
(How selfish life can be?) Christmas is a waste of money but the main thing is keeping the children happy.
I wish I could be this fare away.
I want to led my own life.
I know I was once a child who was naughty who grow into an adult who had to learn right from wrong.
Now you can't take the law.
Teaching your child to be good but your taking the law into your own hands which is wrong when you just want your children to grow up into nice adult.
I am disabled, I would not be able to cope kids anyway, I don't would want to with many of them these day they are too scary. 26.5.2002
The young.
Walking around day and night.
They don't have to do anything.
Food and drink is very hard to buy these days.
Kids either very little food and drink or too much.
The education is not as good as it you used to be or kids learn things they should not know.
As adults it can be too late for them to learn right from wrong.
They end up begging people for food, drink and drugs.
Some people are on the streets because they have stressed their families out too.
Others have been turned away from their families for no reason, it's hard to know the truth is.
Some people there through lack of attention just for the sake of begging off people.
Some people try to make people feel sorry for them.
The backgrounds of these people are hard to know the truth of.
People don't know whether to help or not. 29.5.2002
Dull, bright.
I woke up in the morning, it was a very dull day.
Nothing seemed to have gone my way.
Trying to smile was a work of art.
The future seemed blank.
What's up with me?
I have heeled from my broken heart, now I am glad to see you back again.
I became brave and strong without you: I am still brave enough to love you again.
One minute the weather was hot then it was cold, it just went from dull to bright and bright to dull.
Since you have come back into my life, I am so in love with you.
I can't eat and sleep.
Tossing and turning in bed with happiness.
When I lost you I went through crying and sadness.
If you promise not to hurt me again, you will be more than special to me through out our life. 26.5.2002
I thought you had gone for good.
I thought about you all the time as tears came down my eyes.
I missed the man who made me laugh with his brown eyes and cheeky face.
You have got such lovely ways.
The pain you gave me cut me into like a knife going through me when you were not with me.
In time I had to get on with my life, I would have stopped alone not excepting you to come back.
I was not going to come back or wait for you otherwise I could have been waiting forever or never.
When I looked at you again, I knew I knew you too well.
I looked at that cheeky face.
I could not help but love you.
No matter how much you hurt me, I found it hard to hate you.
It seemed so long I thought you would come back.
I was more than surprised that you did. 26.5.2002
Mother and child.
I were an older child born to a Mother so young.
She too young to know about having a baby.
We both learned from one another.
My life started as a baby like all babies. 25.4.2002
Princess Die.
Die you were too young to die.
You were the people's friend until the end, in our eyes you still are and always will be.
You helped children so much.
You loved your children William and Harry.
Why did Charles hurt you so much?
You were one in a million as a person and the reward for the work you had done.
Society was so did not know who it lost until it lost you.
I can take or leave royally but I don't understand why most people hated you so much.
Naturally your sons loved you so much.
Your death must have left them with so much sadness.
You must be very much missed by them with the love of your sons. 26.5.2002
Why did we lose princess Die so young?
Why did Die and her boyfriend die so young?
It was so hurtful to think that the press was making their lives hell, I think the stress from the press caused both their deaths.
Dies new lover must have been better than Charles, he may have made her more happy than Charles did, we would have never of known.
Now she will be always be in rest and peace with the man she loved. 26.5.2002
Losing track of time.
When I last looked at the clock it was 11am.
Now I am writing poetry it's 1.05pm.
This is how time goes too fast.
If you are not doing anything time drags on. 26.5.2002
True love.
To love you too long and too strong.
To be apart for so long and not know why.
To not live with each other forever. 25.4.2002
To my lover and my best friend.
To love each other for each other.
To take things slowly.
To look at each other and know it's right. 25.4.2002
love verse.
To be happy together.
To go hot and cold.
To know that love is not a bed of roses.
To be able to talk to one another easy.
To keep things private bet ween one another.
Talk about it if or and when you are ready to.
To have a very special bond together.
Not to care what people say.
No one can take it away from you other than yourselves.
Not to let people's points of views get in your way. 25.4.2002
Losing you.
When I lost you, it was hard to accept.
It took so long to get over you.
In time I accepted that there was not anymore me and you.
It took time to forget what happened.
To dwell and be alone thinking that you'd be the last man I'd have in my life.
In time you were history so I did move on.
I just took you how I saw and heard you.
Now you have become mine all over again, happy for how long? 25.4.2002
I loved you far too long.
Our love is far long and too strong to let go of one another.
I have got to know you far too well.
When you broke my heart the pain hurt too hard to talk about.
I treasured the happy memories of having spent happy times together.
Now you are making me more happy than you did before.
I used to put on a brave face to show the world I was strong enough to be without you.26.4.2002
Life without you.
After having been apart from you so long.
I missed you so much and I have known you far too long to carry on being apart from you.
When I look at you very close, I know that I had been hiding my love for you so long. 26.4.2002
The weather.
Wet, windy and stormy, this is so unfair until the mouth of May.
It's pouring down with rain.
Where is the sunshine again. 26.5.2002
Miss you.
Miss you so much.
I keep on looking at the phone.
I am waiting to talk to you so much.
I keep waiting to see you so much.
Do you feel the same way?
I can't help but think I am letting you down, I don't mean that's only because I am not seeing you.
I can't stay at home alone because of my fits.
I have not enough money to give me a life of my own.
I only wish I had enough money for a long night out at least once a week.
Just give me time to sort my life out, then I will stop going his.
If you can't live with this I will understand.
Love you so much,. 11.5.2008
Sunday 13 September 2009
Lastest news for people with Learning Disabililties.
Pain turns into pleasure.
Although May 2011 - December 2011 was a bad period of time for me when I lost my work with Mencap plus my business Access All Areas Now back in the January. Back February 2013 this year I have started to training as an Advocacy for 1 Voice in Wolverhampton, which I have some brief experience from having been an Group Advocacy work for Our Shout supported by Royal Wolverhampton Mencap back in 2007 to 2011. I used to speak for the rights of learning disability and Mental health in an Advocacy group. I have been working in the Advocacy field now for six years.
Valuing People had planned a event in June to lot at the top areas of people with disabilities lives for the next three years.
A representative from each partnership board of the West Midlands were invited to share good practise and things that did not work.
The information from these events will be used to help local partnership boards so that people with disabilities are happy with our partnership boards.
The areas that the partnership board should be talking about in the partnership board meetings is work for people with disabilities, housing, health care and Personalisation. Meetings people have not been able to turn up to, they should be contracted to be fed back to. This should happen with all Partnership boards everywhere.
Every Adult Matters and Person Centred Planning.
Wolverhampton City Council wrote a big document in 2006 called ' Every Adult Matters' which is about providing care for people who need it in the city. The Council are now going to up date this report, Every Adult Matters will be looking at how they can provide a personalised services in the way the Government ask us to in a report called Putting People First.
Putting people First tells people that they have more choice and control, they have to pay for things themselves instead of services.
On the first of September 2009, we have had a new project out called Wolverhampton Person Centred Planning service in Wolverhampton. The Person Centred Planning service will listen to people with disabilities what they want and need but support people with disabilities to have more choice and control over their lives. If you would like to find out more about Person Centred planning please get in torch with Catherine Farrell 07810 631293 for informal chat, there is also support for families too.
CUT BACKS ON LEARNING DISABILITY SERVICES.
Money seems to be tight for the council with the credit crunch. These cut backs affect all services. It's bad enough for people without disabilities to be homeless but people with disabilities can't look after themselves the same.
council needs to think very carefully how and what they are spending money on. Ok, people with disabilities are not the only people who need support but all the same we need support. A lot of people agree that it was wrong of the council spending by a guess £1000.000 on a water fountain in the City Of Wolverhampton. Many people agree that Wolverhampton is too small to be a City and I am one of them.
Back June Mencap had Learning Disability Week, the project was called Changing Places, the idea of that was to try and make disabled toilets better. Why didn't the council spend that money on disabled toilets in the town. A lot of people other parts of UK had complained that a lot of toilets didn't have any changing areas. Families and carers had to change people with disabilities on the hard wet floors. Even in a lot of places there is still a lot of hard work to be done.
THINGS CHANGING.
Back in 2010 Access All Areas Now! were promised office space in the Albert road office which didn't happen due to funding.
The building had changed to a Day Centre to an Employment Service for work staff who have disabilities and health problems. The Mal tings Day centre to create a joint Employment service which would be in Albert road where our office for ' ACCESS FOR ALL AREAS NOW'! is planning to be based. The Malting's will be moving adults with with Long Term Impairment to Albert road. This would mean that the Malting's were closed.
2009 - 2010.
We went to see if the people who lived at Sweet street to see if they got supported living because theory have be getting residential care. These people could get 24 hour support and accommodation, instead of residential care if they want and need it. The will be getting very little change of care but in their own homes.
We then found out that there were changes to Outreach teams so that they became one team instead of four and then to find a different company to run the service.
Things people have said were put into the report and in April Councillors said ideas could go ahead.
Due to my work with Mencap having ended through the cuts in May 2011, I hadn't heard anymore about the changes in other places.
EMPLOYMENT FOR PEOPLE WITH DISABILITIES.
The funding for the Our Shout Advocacy group support by Royal Wolverhampton Mencap ran out in May 2011. Access All Area Now! finished January 2011 due to a lack of funding
Mates to dates had lost funding back sometime 2009.
I had started working in the 1 Voice in March 2012 but started to train as an Advocacy worker in February 2013.
People with disabilities were finding the partnership boards in the UK very hard to understand. Some people without disabilities spoke and write so much jargon. Information needs to be more Accessible meaning words easy to read and clear pictures, which I worked on.
For a short lenght of time I was a group supporter. I supported Our Shout to chair meetings of topics of their choice and support them to chair and take minutes of their meetings. I used to try my best to make the minutes as easy for the group to read and understand as much as possible. For eg; easy words and pictures. We use to have a meeting once a mouth and a profession guest of the group's choice coming along for eg; a gp or someone from an Employment service.
I enjoy Advocacy because it because it's a way of speaking for people who find it hard to speak for themselves so hopefully their lives will be equal to other people. A lot of people with disabilities and health problems find it hard to get their voices heard, I can relate to that because I have the same problem. What other people don't understand is that each and everyone of us can be misunderstood in different ways. Like you we find different things hard and easy to one another. Most of the time it's easier to help others than it is yourself. Advocacy also means empowerment to empower people to say and do things for themselves. For eg; instead of choosing what they are to do or and say asking them what they are going to do or and to say.
Now I have moved my career up a ladder to train to be an one to one Advocacy worker.
What is Advocacy?
Advocacy is like I just said support and empowerment, which can depend on each person's situation. It is their choice how and when they want the Advocacy worker's help. An Advocacy worker works a different role to a carer, supporter worker and carer. For eg; an Advocacy worker can't support a person to clean and tidy their house or go shopping. It's the person's rights that matters. The person's interests should be taken at heart by giving people their choices and options.
1 Voice's Definition of Advocacy.
Advocacy is a tool to support people so that they can accept responsibility of their own situation. To know when to support and when to empower people so they can do things for themselves.
My definition of Advocacy.
Self Advocacy is one to make ones choices. Peer Advocacy is to empower people to make their own choices.Group Advocacy is to speak up for the Rights of others, for example the state of the benefit system.
The aims of Advocacy.
- Empower clients to build up their skills.
- To support clients to become empowered.
- To explain information that the client don't understand in a easy way that the client will understand.
- To speak up for the clients only when they feel they want an Advocate to speak up for them.
- To empower clients so that they can think for themselves.
Equal Opportunities is to give people the same rights as others. The advocacy scheme will have an equal opportunities policy that recognises the needs to pr-active in talking all forms of inequality, discrimination and social exclusion.
Independence.
To encourage the clients to do things for themselves. The advocacy scheme will encourage independent from statutory organisations and preferably from all service providers' agencies. The advocacy scheme will be free from conflict of interest as possible both in design and operation, actively seek to reduce conflicting interests.
Putting people first.
Putting the client first. The advocacy scheme will make sure that the wishes of the client is taken into account. The advocates will be trained to go along with what the client wants. Advocates should be non-judgemental and respectful of peoples' needs, views and experiences.
Supporting Advocates.
Advocates will get training and support in the work they do. They will develop skills and experience in their working role.
The code of conduct.
A code of conduct is a book of rules for staff and volunteers to follow
to be Advocates to support clients. It can help the staff and volunteers to
know how to do our job to how we should the best as possible for our clients.
It makes sure that we know what we can and can’t do in our job.
Advocates should take instructions from Service Users whenever possible.
Advocates should base actions on respect, to agree with the client's plans,
ideas and opinions.
Instructed Advocacy.
Making sure information is up to date, easy for the clients to read and
understand. To help the Service Users to make informed choices but an Advocate
shouldn’t give the client advice. Listening to the Service Users and discussing
options but Advocates can't make clients do what they don't want to do.
Advocates can’t raise their own opinions and they should respect the client’s
opinion.
The key principles of Advocacy.
Accessibility means that information and materials are easy for the
clients to read and understand. It’s the advocate’s job to make the information
easy for the client as possible. Advocacy is free of ch range to eligible
people. The Advocacy scheme will aim to make sure that premises, policies,
procedures and publicity materials promote access for the whole community.
Accountability means the Advocacy scheme will have in place system for
effective monitoring and evaluation of its work. All those who use the scheme will
have a named advocate and a means of contacting.
When it comes to complaints the advocacy scheme has a policy for clients
to be able to complain about advocates if they aren’t happy. This gives the
advocate feedback so they can support clients better in the future. Where
necessary, the scheme will enable people who use the service to access external
independent support to make or pursuer a complaint.
When it comes to confidentiality the advocacy scheme has a policy on confidentiality, stating that information known about a person using scheme and any circumstances under which confidentiality might be breached.
Recognise the staged process of Advocacy.
The six stages of advocacy.
Presenting the problems. The client tells the advocate the problem. The client needs support from
the advocate.
Research
?
Analyse and feedback.
The advocate should tell the client the options.
The advocate should make the client aware of
consequences of whatever options the clients may choose whether those options
make the client’s whatever the consequences.
The advocate should never force the client to make
a suggestion or decision the client doesn’t want to make.
Negotiation
?
Litigation
This should be the last resort for the client.
Litigation is very expensive for the client as the
client may need a solicitor but cannot afford it.
Legal processes are quite stressful especially in a
court as you have to go with what the judge decides. Sometimes it is better for
the client to go through litigation because they are in the right.
Listening skills.
I watched a video on you tube about understanding Advocacy;
I didn’t feel I missed a thing. Many people with learning disabilities have
said they find it hard to be their own advocate. These people have been
disbelieved there for it can be very hard for other people to see the good in
people with disabilities and health problems.
Aspects of active listening body language.
It’s very important an advocate should take
interest in what the client is. The advocate should give the client a nod to
show that the advocacy is listening to the client. The way the advocate looks
at the client is very important, which shows the client advocate is honest for
the good in them.
Body movement and posture is also important to the
client understand the advocate as well as the advocate understanding the
client.
Gesture is more hand movements, speaking and
expressing.
Open and close questions are also important for
example.
“What do you think of the Royal family? Open
question
“Do you like the Royal family?” Close question
Mirroring is coping exactly what the client does,
echoing their body language and other verbal communication, including sounds,
voice, tone and so on.
Mirroring has a sidedness; if the client does
something with their right hand the Advocate can do something with their right
hand.
Mirroring can be done exactly at the same time as
the client shows any sign of body language and non verbal communication for
example if they cross their legs, the advocate should do the same.
It’s very important to know
different forms of communication because everyone’s needs are different. There
are 43% of adults with moderate severe learning difficulties, Cerebral Palsy,
Autism and other learning disabilities. Multi – useful where auditory messages
are none processed
quickly. Encouraged eye contact &
concentration.
- · British sign language
- · Brail for the blind
- · Singalong for people with Autism
- · Makaton
- · Talking mats
- · Widget
- · Symbol world
- · Clear For All
Recognise important
of research.
We worked on a study case in class. The daughter is worried about how
her Mum is treated in the Care home. Staffs
haven’t been taking care of her personal care. The daughter said her Mother has
had a stroke. The daughter is not at all happy.
Collect information to support the
Advocacy process.
The daughter needs to be writing down the dates and times the staff
haven’t been doing their job. She may be able to take photographic evidence of
any injuries.
For a give situation, identify the way
forward for the client.
The options the advocate could offer
the daughter is Age UK, she could search the website, phone them, go up there
or even both. The advocate could support her through this if needs be.
The daughter could report what’s going on to the manager.
Write a letter of complaint with advocate’s help if necessary.
If things get worse contact CQC – Care Quality Commission.
Provide Appropriate Feedback for the
client.
We need to make sure it is
the right information before we tell the client and we must be honest as
advocates telling the clients both positive and negative ones. We can tell the client
the consequences, make sure they
understand the consequences and it’s for the client to choose what
option they want.
We need to make sure the patient understands all the information, the information needs to be accessible.
· Easy Read
· Clear written/audio information
· No Jargon!
What is the difference between
negotiation and advocacy?
In class, we did an exercise where we had to answer whatever it was
advocacy or negotiation for a given situation. I feel this was difficult as I
didn’t have all the information about the cases but I was able to understand
why situations required different outcomes.
Identify when negation is more approached by negotiation rather than
straightforward advocacy? Consider also if a mixture of the two to be used.
- · It’s a mixture of the two when an electricity company has written to a client to say that he/she owes £250.00, they are on a very low income. The company wants the money in full in seven days. It’s the advocate’s job to find out if the client owes that amount of money. If the client owes that money the advocate should negate instalments
- .
- · A decision by the DSS to refuse a grant from the Social Fund because there is insufficient money in the local budget. This again could be a mixture of both. The advocate needs to find out if the client is entitled to the money, if any money in the budget. Negotiate a lower amount. (More money is to come from the budget.)
- · A decision is made by the local hospital to put someone on the waiting list to see a consultant. The waiting list is 12 months. (Advocacy) This again is a mixture of both. This will depend on how ill the client is.
- · A refusal by the council housing department to grant a tenant with rent arrears a housing transfer in order to be nearer relatives who provide care and support. This is a mixture of both again. Find out if the client owes money; try to negotiate with the council housing if they can transfer them with a training plan to pay back their arrears. At some point advocacy can only go so far.
Identify a Strategry for Negotiation in a given situation.
In class, we worked on a study about John who lost his wife Anna in hospital from Cardic Arrest. Anna was admitted with heart failure but John had left the hospital because there were indications that she would get better.
He watched the doctors do nothing while his wife was dying, he was only told later that she had a Do Not Resuscitate order on her medical record.
John wasn't aware that Anna signed a DNR resister because of confidentiality, the hospital couldn't tell him about the order as it should have been Anna. John can't accept how and why Anna died. As his advocate I would need to expalin that he cannot involve the police as the hospital, specifically the doctors, have not done anything illegeal. It is up to negotiation between the client and doctor to reach a conclusion which is good for John. He may want someone to say sorry to John for not explaining what's was going on in the first place.
Updated 18th May 2013
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