In
most, if not all, areas as well, we are all human. Speaking of coaching and
mentoring, I guess most coaches and mentees may have more skills and strengths
than coaches and mentors in some cases, but this may vary.
Absolutely.
I think you've identified something very important about the relationship
between a mentor and mentee, or a coach and coachee.
Being
the mentor or coach does not mean being more skilled, knowledgeable or capable
in every area than the person you are supporting.
We are
all human, and we all have different strengths, experiences, knowledge and
abilities.
1. The
mentee or coachee may have more skills
For
example:
A
mentee might have better computer skills than their mentor.
A
coachee might have more knowledge of a particular subject than their coach.
A
mentee might have more employment experience.
A
coachee might have stronger communication or organisational skills.
A
mentor might have more experience in leadership but less experience in
technology.
This
does not make the mentor or coach less valuable.
Their
role is not to be superior to the person they are supporting.
2.
Everyone brings something different
Mentor
or coach
Mentee
or coachee
Brings
experience and guidance.
Brings
their own knowledge and experiences.
Offers
questions and encouragement.
Shares
their goals and ideas.
Helps
identify opportunities for development.
Identifies
their own strengths and areas for development.
Learns
from the relationship too.
Can
contribute knowledge and teach the mentor something.
This
can make the relationship mutually beneficial.
3.
Learning can happen both ways
I
particularly like the idea that mentors and coaches can learn from the people
they support.
For
example, a younger mentee might understand newer technology better than an
older mentor.
The
mentor might have more workplace experience, while the mentee might introduce
the mentor to new technology or ways of working.
Both
people have something to contribute.
The
same applies to disability awareness. A professional might have qualifications
and training, but a disabled person may have considerably more knowledge of
their own experiences, barriers and support preferences.
Professional
knowledge and lived experience are different forms of knowledge. Both deserve
respect.
4. An
important principle for coaching and mentoring
I would
include this in your course notes:
A
mentor or coach should not assume that they have more skills, knowledge or
abilities than the person they support. Every individual has different
strengths and experiences. The relationship should recognise these differences,
encourage mutual learning and respect the contribution both people make.
One
further distinction is worth remembering: a coach or mentor may have
responsibility for maintaining professional boundaries, but that does not mean
they have greater personal worth or are more capable in every area.
The aim
is not to create a relationship where one person is above the other. It is to
create a respectful relationship where both people can learn and develop.
Also, I
understand it is about the coachee and the mentee; it's not ideal to let on.
However, in mentoring, inspire the mentor with your experince. Thinking about
how you started off in your career and other things one may have done can be
partly responsible for how one is as a mentor, coach, etc.
Yes. I
think you're making another important connection here: our own experiences,
personal development and career journeys can influence the kind of mentor or
coach we become.
There
is a distinction, though, between using your experiences constructively and
allowing the relationship to become about you rather than the mentee or
coachee.
1. How
our experiences influence us as mentors and coaches
Think
about how someone starts their career or professional journey.
They
might have experienced:
Difficulties
and challenges when starting out.
People
who encouraged and supported them.
People
who did not understand their needs.
Opportunities
to learn new skills.
Mistakes
that helped them develop.
Experiences
that increased their confidence.
Times
when they needed advice, guidance or encouragement.
These
experiences can influence how they support other people.
For
example, a mentor who remembers struggling with confidence when starting work
might be particularly understanding when a mentee experiences similar feelings.
They
may remember what helped them and use that experience to encourage the mentee.
2.
Sharing experience in mentoring
Mentoring
often involves sharing relevant personal and professional experiences.
For
example:
Mentor:
"When I first started working, I found speaking up in meetings difficult.
I gradually developed my confidence through practice and encouragement."
Mentee:
"I find that difficult too. How did you approach it?"
The
mentor can share what worked for them, while recognising that the mentee may
need a different approach.
The
important thing is not to say:
"This
worked for me, so you must do the same."
Instead,
it is:
"This
was my experience. Perhaps we can explore whether anything I learned might be
useful to you."
3. What
about life coaching?
Coaching
is slightly different.
A life
coach can use their own experiences to develop empathy, understanding and
self-awareness.
However,
coaching generally places greater emphasis on helping the coachee discover
their own answers rather than relying on the coach's personal advice.
For
example:
A
mentor might share how they overcame a workplace challenge.
A coach
might ask what the coachee has already tried and what they think could help.
Both
approaches can be valuable.
4. Our
experiences can shape our professional values
I would
also add that our experiences can influence:
Personal
experience
How it
might influence professional practice
Receiving
encouragement
Becoming
an encouraging mentor.
Experiencing
discrimination
Developing
greater awareness of equality.
Facing
communication barriers
Becoming
more aware of accessible communication.
Making
mistakes
Understanding
that mistakes can be opportunities to learn.
Receiving
helpful guidance
Wanting
to provide similar support to others.
Experiencing
judgement
Being
more careful not to judge others.
However,
self-awareness is important. We must recognise that another person's
experiences may be very different from our own.
5.
Something important to remember
I would
make this a principle for both coaching and mentoring:
Use
your experience to inspire, not to take over.
A
mentor can share experiences to encourage and guide someone. A coach can draw
on personal understanding to show empathy and ask better questions.
But the
mentee and coachee should remain central to the relationship.
Their
goals, choices, experiences and development matter most.
And
there is something else worth recognising: you do not have to have had a
perfect career or life journey to become a good mentor or coach. Sometimes the
challenges, lessons and support we have experienced help us understand why
encouragement, patience, respect and opportunity matter.
That is
a useful connection between your mentoring qualification and your current life
coaching studies.
Just
been editing a book. New title after my
Facebook group.
ALWAYS
LEARN ABOUT DISABILITY + NEVER JUDGE DISABILITY HAND AND TEXTBOOK
BY SARA
JANE GORMAN
1.
Health – Anything to do with the health of people with disabilities, Mental
health, and other problems
2.
Accessibility and disabled people in all places - such as housing, disabled
aids, accessible information, easy read, disabled access, disabled parking,
wheelchairs getting around on transport, etc.
3. Home
support – help with cooking, shopping, housework, etc.
3.
Careers – Education and Employment for People with disabilities, Mental health,
and other problems.
4.
Talent – Hobbies, interests, arts, crafts, etc., which can be at home,
socially, or in a career.
5.
Social issues – Friendship, dating, going places, counselling, emotional
support, etc.
6.
Public Advocacy – Empowering and supporting people with disabilities and health
problems to speak for their rights. For eg; (Person-centred planning.)
7.
Private Advocacy is mostly legal and illegal advocacy, such as hate crime,
discrimination, benefit cuts, fit for work, not fit for work, etc.
8.
(‘Learning Disability and Mental Health Awareness’) - people with disabilities
and health problems training and educating those people without disabilities
and health problems who are interested in working in the field of learning
disability and health problems.
9. All
and more. Information about this group, on our website links next to this
information, sorry there's a lot as this is an all-in-one disability, mental
health all problems.
…
I can
see how your new book title connects with your Facebook group. "Always
Learn About Disability + Never Judge Disability" is a strong message
because it encourages people to keep learning rather than making assumptions
about someone based on their disability or health condition.
I also
like that you are bringing many areas of everyday life together. Your book is
not just about diagnoses or medical information. It is about how people live,
work, learn, communicate, develop relationships and participate in society.
I would
make a few adjustments to the wording and numbering to make the contents easier
to follow, while keeping your original ideas.
Suggested
edited title and introduction
ALWAYS
LEARN ABOUT DISABILITY + NEVER JUDGE DISABILITY
A
HANDBOOK AND TEXTBOOK
By Sara
Jane Gorman
About
this book
This
book is about disability, learning disabilities, mental health and other health
conditions.
It
brings together information about everyday life, support, accessibility,
opportunities, rights and inclusion.
It is
for disabled people, people with health conditions, families, carers, friends,
students, professionals and anyone who wants to learn more.
The
message is simple:
Always
learn about disability. Never judge someone because of their disability or
health condition.
Main
topics covered in this book
1.
Health
Physical
health, learning disabilities, mental health, health conditions and other
health-related difficulties. This includes understanding health needs and
accessing appropriate support.
2.
Accessibility and everyday access
Accessibility
for disabled people in all areas of life, including housing, mobility aids,
accessible information, Easy Read, building access, disabled parking,
wheelchairs and accessible transport.
3. Home
support and independent living
Support
with everyday activities, such as cooking, shopping, housework and managing a
home. This also includes choice, independence and person-centred support.
4.
Careers, education and employment
Education,
training, careers and employment opportunities for disabled people and people
with mental health conditions. This includes workplace accessibility,
reasonable adjustments and support to develop skills.
5.
Talent, hobbies and interests
Recognising
people's abilities, strengths, talents and interests. This includes hobbies,
arts, crafts, creativity and activities at home, in the community or as part of
a career.
6.
Social lives and relationships
Friendship,
dating, relationships, social activities, going out, counselling, emotional
support and reducing isolation.
7.
Public advocacy and self-advocacy
Empowering
and supporting people to express their wishes, understand their rights and have
a voice in decisions affecting their lives. This includes person-centred
planning and self-advocacy.
8.
Private and individual advocacy
Understanding
and challenging issues involving rights, discrimination, hate crime, benefits,
employment assessments and disputes about support or services. This includes
knowing when legal advice or specialist advocacy may be needed.
9.
Learning disability and mental health awareness
Providing
information, training and education about learning disabilities, mental health
and other health conditions.
This is
particularly relevant to people interested in working with disabled people and
people with mental health conditions, including students, trainees, staff and
professionals.
10. All
other areas of life
Disability
and health can affect many different parts of everyday life. This book aims to
explore additional subjects, experiences and issues that matter to individuals
and their families.
The
overall aim
To
encourage understanding, equality, inclusion, accessibility, respect and
independence.
To help
people learn about disability and mental health without judgement, assumptions,
blame or stigma.
A few
things I would consider for the book
1. Your
title and subtitle
Your
main title is memorable. I would retain it.
I would
use "A Handbook and Textbook" as the subtitle because it explains
that the book is intended to provide both practical information and educational
material.
2.
Public advocacy and private advocacy
I have
slightly adjusted these descriptions.
Private
advocacy is not necessarily legal or illegal advocacy. It can involve
individual representation, helping someone understand their rights, challenging
decisions and supporting them through disputes.
Legal
advice and legal representation are specialist roles, so it is useful to
distinguish them from general advocacy.
3. The
all-in-one approach
One of
the strongest features of your idea is that disability does not exist in
isolation.
For
example, someone might need:
Health
support to manage a condition.
Accessible
transport to attend college.
Educational
support to complete a qualification.
Employment
support to find a suitable job.
Home
support to manage everyday activities.
Social
opportunities to develop friendships.
These
areas can overlap. A difficulty in one area can affect another.
4. One
principle I would put near the beginning
People
are more than their disabilities or health conditions.
A
person may have difficulties in some areas and considerable strengths in
others. They may need support with particular activities but be independent in
many other areas.
Support
should be based on the individual, not assumptions about their diagnosis.
I think
this could also become a useful foundation for your coaching and mentoring
material. The themes of recognising strengths, understanding barriers,
respecting individual choices and knowing when someone needs additional support
are relevant to both professions.
Your
book has the potential to bring together lived experience, education, advocacy
and practical awareness without presenting you as a clinical expert. That
distinction is important to maintain.
Daily
Life Coaching Study Exercise – Day 2
Today's
focus: Coaching agreements – creating a clear, accessible and respectful
relationship
Module
2 · Learning Outcome 7
1. What
is a coaching agreement?
A
coaching agreement is an understanding between the coach and coachee about how
their coaching relationship will work.
It
helps both people understand:
What
coaching involves.
What
the coach and coachee are responsible for.
What
they hope to achieve.
How
sessions will be arranged.
How
confidentiality will work.
What
professional boundaries apply.
What
accessibility arrangements may be needed.
An
agreement is not simply a form to sign. It should be discussed and understood
by both people.
Important:
The coachee should have an opportunity to ask questions, express concerns and
disagree with arrangements they do not feel comfortable with.
2.
Making coaching agreements accessible
Not
everyone finds the same information or communication methods accessible.
For
example, a coachee might prefer:
Large-print
information.
Easy
Read documents.
Verbal
explanations.
Extra
time to read and understand information.
Shorter
sessions or breaks.
Online
rather than face-to-face meetings.
Written
summaries after sessions.
These
are examples, not assumptions about what someone needs because of a diagnosis.
The
coach should ask about individual preferences and discuss reasonable
adjustments.
3.
Confidentiality and professional boundaries
A
coaching agreement should explain confidentiality and its limits.
For
example, the coach should explain that information is generally kept private,
but there may be circumstances involving serious safety concerns or legal
obligations where information must be shared.
The
coach should also explain:
Their
qualifications and experience.
What
they can and cannot offer.
How the
coachee can contact them.
When
they are available.
What
happens if specialist support is needed.
A coach
must not present coaching as a replacement for therapy or medical treatment.
4.
Scenario-based exercise
Scenario:
Starting a coaching relationship
Alex
wants coaching to develop confidence and explore opportunities for returning to
education.
Alex
prefers verbal explanations and needs extra time to process information.
The
coach sends Alex a long, complicated agreement and asks them to sign it before
their first session.
During
the meeting, the coach immediately starts discussing goals without checking
whether Alex understands the agreement.
Your
task:
Consider
these three questions before reading the answers.
What
has the coach overlooked when preparing the agreement?
How
could the coach make the agreement more accessible?
Why is
it important for Alex to understand and agree to the arrangements?
5. Your
practical activity
Imagine
you are preparing a coaching agreement.
Write
down three things you would want to discuss with a new coachee before coaching
begins.
Think
about:
Their
goals and expectations.
Communication
and accessibility.
Confidentiality
and professional boundaries.
There
is no single perfect answer. The important thing is to consider the needs and
choices of the individual.
6.
Knowledge check
Try
answering these questions before looking at the explanations.
Question
1. What is the main purpose of a coaching agreement?
A. To
make sure the coach controls the sessions.
B. To
establish shared expectations, responsibilities and boundaries.
C. To
guarantee that the coachee achieves every goal.
Question
2. A coachee does not understand a written agreement. What should the coach do?
A.
Expect them to sign it anyway.
B.
Assume they cannot participate in coaching.
C.
Explain it in an accessible way and check their understanding.
Question
3. Why should a coaching agreement explain confidentiality?
A. So
the coachee understands how their information is handled and the limits of
confidentiality.
B. So
the coach can promise never to share any information under any circumstances.
C. So
the coach does not need to discuss professional boundaries.
7.
Answers and explanations
Suggested
answers
Scenario
question 1: The coach overlooked Alex's communication preferences, processing
time and opportunity to understand the agreement.
Scenario
question 2: The coach could explain the agreement verbally, use simpler
language, provide a suitable format and allow time for questions.
Scenario
question 3: Alex needs to understand what they are agreeing to, their choices,
the coach's responsibilities and the boundaries of the relationship.
Knowledge
check:
B – An
agreement establishes shared expectations and responsibilities.
C –
Accessibility and understanding are essential to meaningful agreement.
A –
Confidentiality needs clear explanation, including its limits.
8.
Reflection: A connection with mentoring
One
important principle applies to both coaching and mentoring:
The
person receiving support should have a voice in how that support is provided.
A
mentor or coach might have considerable experience, qualifications and
knowledge. However, this does not mean they should automatically decide what is
best for the other person.
A
respectful relationship involves listening, explaining, checking understanding
and recognising individual choices.
Remember:
An agreement should protect both people, not give one person control over the
other.
Study
tip: You can add today's notes to Learning Outcome 7, then revisit them when
you study collaborative goal setting and accountability.
Daily
Life Coaching Study Exercise – Day 3
Today's
focus: Collaborative goal setting and action planning
Module
2 · Learning Outcome 8
Today
we are building on yesterday's topic of coaching agreements. Once the coach and
coachee understand their roles and expectations, they can work together to
identify goals and plan how to achieve them.
1. What
does collaborative goal setting mean?
Collaborative
means working together.
In life
coaching, the coach and coachee work together to identify what the coachee
wants to achieve.
However,
there is an important distinction:
The
coachee decides what matters to them.
The
coach helps explore possibilities.
The
coachee identifies their preferred goals.
Both
discuss practical steps and possible barriers.
Progress
is reviewed together.
The
coach should not take control or decide what someone else's goals should be.
Example:
A
coachee wants to improve their confidence.
The
coach could ask:
What
does confidence mean to you?
Where
would you like to feel more confident?
What
are you already doing well?
What
would you like to change?
What
might help you make progress?
These
questions help the coachee think about what they want.
2.
Existing strengths and new goals
An
important part of goal setting is recognising what someone can already do.
A
coachee might want to:
Continue
developing an existing skill.
Learn
something completely new.
Build
on previous achievements.
Change
an existing goal.
Work
towards several connected goals.
For
example, someone who already volunteers might want to develop their
communication skills before considering paid employment.
The
coach should recognise existing achievements rather than concentrating only on
difficulties.
Remember:
A person's strengths are not always obvious from their qualifications,
employment history or diagnosis.
3.
Using SMART goals
SMART
is a useful framework for making goals clearer.
Letter
Meaning
Question
to consider
S
Specific
What
exactly do you want to achieve?
M
Measurable
How
will you recognise progress?
A
Achievable
Is it
realistic with available support and resources?
R
Relevant
Does it
matter to you?
T
Time-bound
When
would you like to review or achieve it?
An
achievable goal does not have to be easy.
It can
be challenging while still being realistic.
For
example, someone might need extra time, accessible information, transport
support or reasonable adjustments.
These
arrangements do not make the goal less meaningful.
4.
Breaking goals into smaller steps
Sometimes
a large goal can feel overwhelming.
A coach
can help the coachee divide it into manageable milestones.
For
example:
Main
goal: Explore returning to education.
Step 1
– Explore interests
Identify
subjects and courses that interest the coachee.
Step 2
– Gather information
Find
out about course requirements, costs and accessibility.
Step 3
– Identify support
Discuss
possible adjustments, learning support and transport.
Step 4
– Consider options
Compare
suitable courses and decide what to do next.
Step 5
– Review progress
Discuss
what has been achieved and agree on the next step.
The
coachee can change the plan if circumstances or priorities change.
A plan
should support the person, not become another source of pressure.
5.
Scenario-based exercise
Scenario:
Developing confidence and employment skills
Jordan
wants to explore employment but is unsure where to start.
Jordan
has some previous work experience and enjoys helping people. They would like to
improve their confidence and learn more about available opportunities.
Jordan
also needs accessible written information and extra time to consider decisions.
The
coach immediately suggests applying for five jobs within two weeks.
Your
task:
Think
about these three questions:
Why
might the coach's suggested goal be unsuitable?
How
could the coach use Jordan's existing strengths and experience?
What
smaller steps could Jordan choose as part of an achievable plan?
6. Your
practical activity
Imagine
someone approaches you for coaching because they want to develop a new skill.
Write
down:
One
question you would ask to discover what they want.
One
existing strength you might help them recognise.
One
possible milestone towards their goal.
One
accessibility or support consideration.
You do
not need to know the person's answers in advance. Your job is to help them
explore their own choices.
7.
Knowledge check
Try
these questions before looking at the answers.
Question
1. Who should decide what the coachee wants to achieve?
A. The
coach.
B. The
coachee, with support from the coach.
C. The
organisation funding the coaching.
Question
2. What is the purpose of breaking a large goal into smaller milestones?
A. To
make the goal less important.
B. To
prevent the coachee from changing their mind.
C. To
make progress easier to plan, manage and review.
Question
3. A coachee needs additional time and accessible information to work towards a
goal. What should the coach consider?
A.
Reasonable adjustments and individual support preferences.
B.
Lowering expectations automatically.
C.
Choosing a different goal without consulting the coachee.
8.
Answers and explanations
Suggested
answers
Scenario
question 1
The
coach has suggested a target without first exploring Jordan's wishes,
strengths, circumstances or support needs. Five job applications in two weeks
may not be appropriate.
Scenario
question 2
The
coach could explore Jordan's previous work experience, enjoyment of helping
people and existing communication skills.
Scenario
question 3
Possible
steps include exploring suitable job interests, identifying skills, researching
opportunities, considering adjustments and preparing a manageable action plan.
Jordan should choose which steps are appropriate.
Knowledge
check
B –
Coaching is collaborative, but the coachee's goals and choices should remain
central.
C –
Smaller milestones help make a larger goal more manageable.
A –
Support and adjustments should reflect the individual's needs, not assumptions
about disability.
9.
Connection with disability awareness and mentoring
There
is an important principle here that applies to your disability awareness book
as well as coaching and mentoring.
Equal
opportunities do not always mean identical support.
Two
people might have the same employment goal but need different arrangements to
achieve it.
One
might need accessible written information. Another might need transport
support. Someone else might benefit from a mentor, specialist employment advice
or additional learning support.
The
goal does not necessarily need to change. The support and route towards
achieving it may need to change.
This
also connects with the social model of disability: barriers in environments,
systems and attitudes can prevent people from achieving their goals.
Today's
main learning point:
A good
coach does not decide what someone should achieve. They help the coachee
recognise their strengths, identify meaningful goals, explore barriers and
develop a realistic plan that reflects their own choices.
Study
note: This exercise covers collaborative goal setting, SMART goals, milestones
and accessibility. It also prepares you for the next learning outcome:
accountability and reviewing progress.
Building
Trust, Rapport, and Inclusivity in Coaching
Trust,
rapport, and inclusivity in coaching relationships are foundational for
meaningful engagement and growth. This integrated approach combines effective
communication strategies with inclusive practices, ensuring clients feel
respected, valued, and empowered to achieve their goals.
Creating
Safe and Inclusive Spaces\
Active
Listening and Empathy\
Tailored
Communication and Clarity\
Open-ended
and Collaborative Questioning\
Colorful
illustration of human-shaped puzzle pieces connected in a circle, representing
teamwork and coaching.
Fostering
a safe environment is fundamental to building trust and ensuring inclusivity.
Clients must feel comfortable expressing themselves openly, free from fear of
judgement or bias.
Non-judgemental
Atmosphere: Avoiding interruptions or premature judgements enables clients to
share openly and authentically.
Personalised
Onboarding: Inviting clients to share cultural, social, or personal preferences
builds trust and sets a respectful foundation.
Confidentiality
and Boundaries: Establishing clear agreements around confidentiality and roles
ensures professionalism and psychological safety.
Accessible
Formats: Offering in-person, virtual, or hybrid sessions accommodates diverse
client needs, reinforcing inclusivity.
…
This is
an important section of your Life Coaching course because it brings together
several things we have already discussed: trust, communication, self-awareness,
accessibility, confidentiality and professional boundaries.
I would
particularly emphasise that building trust is not simply about being friendly.
It is about helping someone feel respected, listened to, included and able to
make their own choices.
Let's
break down the four areas and connect them to disability awareness and
mentoring.
Building
Trust, Rapport and Inclusivity in Coaching
1.
Creating safe and inclusive spaces
A safe
and inclusive coaching environment is one where people feel able to express
themselves without being judged, dismissed or discriminated against.
There
are four important elements in your course notes.
Non-judgemental
atmosphere
Listen
without making assumptions.
Avoid
criticising someone's choices.
Allow
people to explain their experiences.
Recognise
that people have different opinions and backgrounds.
Do not
assume that a person's disability defines their abilities.
For
example, a coachee might explain that they find travelling independently
difficult.
The
coach should not immediately assume they cannot travel independently.
Instead,
they could explore what makes travelling difficult and what support or
adjustments might help.
Personalised
onboarding
Onboarding
means introducing someone to a service or working relationship and explaining
how it operates.
In
coaching, this might involve asking about:
Communication
preferences.
Personal
goals and expectations.
Cultural
or social preferences.
Accessibility
requirements.
Previous
experiences of coaching or mentoring.
Anything
that might help the person feel comfortable.
The
coach should ask rather than assume.
Confidentiality
and boundaries
The
coachee should understand:
What
information will remain confidential.
When
confidentiality might need to be broken.
What
the coach can and cannot offer.
How the
coaching relationship will operate.
This
helps establish trust from the beginning.
Accessible
formats
Coaching
should be accessible wherever reasonably possible.
Examples
include:
Face-to-face
meetings.
Telephone
conversations.
Video
meetings.
Large-print
documents.
Easy
Read information.
Verbal
explanations.
Captions
or other communication support.
The
important point is that accessibility should be discussed with the individual.
2.
Active listening and empathy
Active
listening means giving someone your attention and making an effort to
understand what they are communicating.
It
involves more than hearing their words.
A coach
might:
Avoid
interrupting.
Give
the coachee time to think.
Notice
changes in tone or emotion.
Ask
questions to clarify understanding.
Summarise
what they have heard.
Check
that they have understood correctly.
Empathy
means trying to understand another person's feelings or perspective.
It does
not mean you have to agree with everything they say or have experienced exactly
the same thing.
For
example:
A
coachee says:
"I
feel frustrated because people keep making decisions for me."
A coach
might respond:
"It
sounds as though having more choice and control is important to you. Have I
understood that correctly?"
This
response acknowledges the person's feelings without taking over or telling them
what to do.
A
useful distinction: empathy and sympathy
Empathy
Sympathy
Trying
to understand another person's perspective.
Feeling
concern or sorrow for someone.
Listening
to their experience.
Expressing
care or compassion.
Recognising
their individual feelings.
May
involve feeling sorry for them.
Both
can be human responses, but coaching particularly benefits from empathy because
it helps the coach understand the coachee without making them feel pitied.
3.
Tailored communication and clarity
Tailored
communication means adapting how you communicate to suit the individual.
Not
everyone communicates, processes or understands information in the same way.
For
example:
Some
people prefer written information.
Others
understand better through conversation.
Some
need additional processing time.
Some
prefer short, straightforward explanations.
Others
may want more detailed information.
Some
people use communication aids or alternative communication methods.
This is
particularly important when supporting people with learning disabilities,
dyslexia, autism or mental health difficulties, but it is relevant to everyone.
An
important principle: accessible communication is not about lowering
expectations. It is about removing unnecessary communication barriers.
For
example, if a coachee struggles to understand a complicated coaching worksheet,
the coach could explain the same information verbally or use a simpler layout.
The
purpose of the exercise remains the same. The presentation changes to make
participation easier.
4.
Open-ended and collaborative questioning
Open-ended
questions encourage people to explain their thoughts, feelings, experiences and
ideas.
They
usually cannot be answered with just yes or no.
Examples
include:
What
would you like to achieve?
What is
important to you?
What
have you already tried?
What do
you think might help?
What
would you like to do differently?
What
support would make this easier?
How
would you recognise that you were making progress?
Closed
question:
"Do
you want to improve your confidence?"
Open-ended
question:
"What
would improving your confidence mean to you?"
The
second question gives the coachee more opportunity to explain what confidence
means in their own circumstances.
Avoid
leading questions
A
leading question pushes someone towards the answer the coach expects.
For
example:
"Don't
you think you should get a job?"
This
suggests that the coach has already decided what the coachee should do.
A more
collaborative question would be:
"What
are your thoughts about employment at the moment?"
This
allows the coachee to explore their own priorities.
5. What
does the puzzle illustration represent?
“INCLUSIÓN
Y DERECHOS DE NIÑOS CON NECESIDADES ESPECIALES”
The
connected puzzle pieces represent teamwork, connection and people working
together.
There
is another useful way to interpret this illustration:
Everyone
brings different strengths.
People
have different experiences and perspectives.
Nobody
needs to be exactly the same.
Everyone
should have an opportunity to contribute.
Working
together can help people achieve shared goals.
This
connects with what you remembered from your UK mentoring qualification.
A
mentor does not necessarily have all the skills a mentee has. In fact, the
mentee may have greater knowledge or strengths in certain areas.
The
same applies to coaching. The relationship should recognise what both people
bring, while keeping the coachee's goals central.
6.
Putting all four areas together
Here is
an example of how a coach might put these principles into practice.
Example:
A coachee wants to develop confidence
Creating
a safe space
The
coach explains confidentiality, listens without judgement and allows the
coachee to express concerns.
Active
listening and empathy
The
coach listens to why the coachee lacks confidence and acknowledges their
feelings.
Tailored
communication
The
coach checks whether the coachee prefers verbal explanations, written notes or
another format.
Open-ended
questioning
The
coach asks what confidence would look like in everyday life and what the
coachee would like to change.
Possible
outcome
The
coachee feels heard, respected and involved in deciding their next steps.
7.
Scenario-based exercise
Imagine
a coachee attends their first coaching session.
They
are nervous because they have previously experienced professionals talking over
them and making assumptions about what they can achieve.
They
prefer straightforward explanations and need extra time to consider questions.
The
coach has a standard questionnaire and wants to complete it quickly.
Consider
these questions:
What
could the coach do to help establish trust?
How
could the coach adapt their communication?
Why
should the coach avoid making assumptions about the coachee?
How
could open-ended questions help the coachee feel involved?
8.
Knowledge check
Try
answering before looking at the answers.
Question
1. What is active listening?
A.
Waiting for your turn to speak.
B.
Giving someone your attention and checking your understanding.
C.
Telling someone what you think they should do.
Question
2. What is the purpose of tailored communication?
A.
Making everyone communicate in the same way.
B.
Lowering expectations for people who need adjustments.
C.
Adapting communication to support individual understanding and participation.
Question
3. Which is the best example of an open-ended question?
A.
"Have you thought about changing jobs?"
B.
"Do you want to improve?"
C.
"What would you like to change about your working life?"
9.
Answers and explanations
Scenario:
Explain
the coaching process, listen patiently and avoid judgement.
Use
straightforward language, allow processing time and offer accessible
information.
Because
the coach cannot know someone's abilities, wishes or support needs simply from
their appearance or diagnosis.
Open-ended
questions give the coachee opportunities to express their own ideas, priorities
and choices.
Knowledge
check:
B –
Active listening involves attention, understanding and checking what someone
means.
C –
Communication should be adapted to individual preferences and needs.
C –
This invites the coachee to explain their own thoughts.
10.
Connection with your book
I think
this section could become an important part of Always Learn About Disability +
Never Judge Disability.
You
could use the following principle:
Never
assume that you understand someone simply because you have met someone with the
same disability or health condition.
Instead:
Ask
rather than assume.
Listen
rather than judge.
Understand
before advising.
Respect
individual choices.
Make
information accessible.
Recognise
strengths as well as difficulties.
Offer
support without taking away independence.
One
final point: a coach cannot guarantee that someone will never feel
uncomfortable or judged. However, the coach can take responsibility for
creating respectful conditions, responding appropriately to concerns and
maintaining professional boundaries.
My main
takeaway: Trust is built through what a coach consistently does, not simply
what they promise. Listening, respect, honesty, accessibility and reliability
all contribute to that trust.
Good
Coaching vs Bad Coaching Questions
Good
Coaching Questions Bad Coaching Questions
How do
you feel about that? Don’t you
think you should try this approach?
What
are your thoughts on this situation? Wouldn’t
it be better if you did this?
What
are your goals for this coaching session? Did
you try this?
Can you
tell me more about that? Why did you do
that?
What
specific steps have you taken so far? Do
you feel stressed?
What
challenges are you facing in achieving your goal? Why are you so challenged?
It
sounds like you’re feeling frustrated. You’re
being frustrated.
So,
what you’re saying is… I know what you’re
trying to say.
It
seems like you’re considering several options. Why
are you confused?
…
This is
a useful comparison because it shows how the way a coach asks a question can
affect the coachee's confidence, willingness to communicate and ability to make
their own decisions.
However,
I would make one important distinction: a question is not automatically good or
bad just because of the words used. The tone, timing, context and intention
also matter.
Let's
look at your examples.
Good
Coaching Questions vs Poor Coaching Questions
1.
Understanding feelings and thoughts
Helpful
coaching question
Why it
helps
How do
you feel about that?
Gives
the coachee an opportunity to express feelings.
What
are your thoughts on this situation?
Encourages
reflection and personal opinions.
Can you
tell me more about that?
Shows
interest and invites further explanation.
Compare
this with:
"Don't
you think you should try this approach?"
"Wouldn't
it be better if you did this?"
These
questions can lead someone towards the coach's preferred answer.
A
better approach is to ask:
"What
different approaches have you considered?"
This
allows the coachee to explore their own ideas.
2.
Understanding goals and progress
Your
example:
Helpful:
"What are your goals for this coaching session?"
This
gives the coachee an opportunity to identify what they want to achieve.
Less
helpful: "Did you try this?"
This is
not necessarily a bad question in every situation. However, depending on the
tone, it can sound as though the coach is checking up on someone or criticising
them.
A more
supportive alternative might be:
"What
have you had an opportunity to try since our last session?"
This
invites discussion without immediately suggesting failure.
3.
Asking about difficulties
Your
examples are particularly interesting here.
Less
helpful wording
More
helpful alternative
Why did
you do that?
What
influenced your decision?
Do you
feel stressed?
How are
you feeling about the situation?
Why are
you so challenged?
What
difficulties are you experiencing?
Why are
you confused?
Which
parts would you like me to explain further?
Why
does this matter?
The
word why is not automatically wrong.
However,
some questions beginning with "why" can sound accusatory.
For
example:
"Why
did you do that?"
Depending
on the circumstances, someone might interpret this as criticism.
"What
influenced your decision?" sounds more open and encourages explanation.
4.
Reflecting and checking understanding
Two of
your examples demonstrate important coaching skills.
Reflective
listening:
"It
sounds like you're feeling frustrated."
This
acknowledges what the coach thinks the coachee may be experiencing.
However,
the coach should check rather than assume:
"It
sounds like you're feeling frustrated. Have I understood that correctly?"
Summarising:
"So,
what you're saying is…"
This
allows the coach to summarise what they have heard.
The
coachee can then correct or clarify anything the coach has misunderstood.
Compare
this with:
"I
know what you're trying to say."
The
problem is that the coach is claiming to know what someone means without
checking.
A
better approach is:
"Let
me check that I've understood what you mean."
5. An
important connection with disability awareness
This is
particularly relevant when communicating with disabled people and people with
mental health conditions.
Some
people may:
Need
additional time to process questions.
Find
complicated language difficult.
Have
difficulty explaining their feelings.
Prefer
questions to be broken into smaller parts.
Need
questions repeated or rephrased.
Communicate
differently from the coach.
A good
coach should not mistake a communication difficulty for a lack of
understanding, interest or ability.
For
example:
A
coachee takes several seconds to answer a question.
A poor
response would be to interrupt and answer for them.
A more
supportive response would be to allow time and perhaps ask:
"Would
you like a little more time to think about that?"
Silence
is not necessarily a problem. Sometimes people need time to think.
6.
Practical exercise: Improving coaching questions
Here
are five questions that you could practise rewording.
Rewrite
each question in a more supportive way.
1. Why
haven't you achieved your goal?
Think
about obstacles and progress.
Your
alternative question...
2.
Don't you think you need more confidence?
Explore
what confidence means to the person.
Your
alternative question...
3. Why
can't you manage this yourself?
Avoid
blame and explore support needs.
Your
alternative question...
4. You
should try harder, shouldn't you?
Encourage
reflection without judgement.
Your
alternative question...
5. Are
you sure that's what you want?
Explore
the person's reasons and choices without undermining them.
Your
alternative question...
7.
Three knowledge-check questions
Why can
leading questions be unhelpful in coaching?
What
should a coach do if they are unsure what a coachee means?
Why is
allowing processing time important?
8.
Suggested answers
They
can influence the coachee towards the coach's preferred answer rather than
encouraging independent thinking.
Ask the
coachee to explain further or check the coach's understanding.
It
gives the person an opportunity to understand the question, organise their
thoughts and respond in their own time.
9. My
additional point: Good questions are not about finding fault
I would
add this principle to your study notes:
A
coaching question should help someone explore, understand and make decisions.
It should not make them feel blamed, judged, embarrassed or pressured.
This is
also relevant to your book, Always Learn About Disability + Never Judge
Disability.
For
example, rather than asking:
"Why
can't you do that?"
A more
constructive question might be:
"What
makes that difficult, and what might help?"
That
small change moves the conversation away from judging the person and towards
understanding barriers and identifying possible support.
Remember:
Good coaching is not about having all the answers. It is about asking questions
that help the coachee discover their own answers.
Daily
Life Coaching Study Exercise – Day 4
Today's
focus: Accountability – supporting coachees to make progress
Module
2 · Learning Outcome 9
Today
we are building on collaborative goal setting and action planning.
Once a
coachee has chosen a goal and agreed on some steps, how can a coach help them
stay motivated and review their progress?
This is
where accountability becomes important.
1. What
does accountability mean in coaching?
Accountability
means taking responsibility for agreed actions and reviewing progress.
In life
coaching, the coach helps the coachee remain focused on their chosen goals.
For
example, a coachee might decide to:
Research
two college courses.
Practise
a new communication skill.
Update
their CV.
Explore
volunteering opportunities.
Develop
a weekly routine.
At a
later session, the coach can discuss what happened and what the coachee
learned.
Important:
Accountability is not about controlling someone, checking up on them or making
them feel guilty.
It is
about supporting responsibility, reflection and progress.
2. The
coach's role and the coachee's role
Coach
Coachee
Helps
clarify goals.
Chooses
their goals.
Encourages
reflection.
Considers
their progress.
Asks
supportive questions.
Discusses
achievements and difficulties.
Helps
explore possible barriers.
Decides
what actions to take.
Reviews
progress collaboratively.
Takes
responsibility for agreed actions.
The
coach should not take responsibility away from the coachee.
However,
the coach should also recognise that people may face circumstances outside
their control.
3. What
if someone does not achieve their goal?
This is
an important part of accountability.
Sometimes
a coachee might not complete an agreed action.
There
could be several reasons:
The
goal was too ambitious.
They
did not have enough time.
They
experienced unexpected difficulties.
They
lacked information or resources.
The
action was not accessible.
Their
priorities changed.
They no
longer wanted to pursue that goal.
A good
coach does not automatically interpret this as laziness or failure.
Instead,
they explore what happened.
For
example:
"What
got in the way of completing that action?"
"What
did you learn from the experience?"
"Would
you like to change the plan?"
"Is
this still a goal you want to work towards?"
This
helps the coachee consider their next steps without unnecessary blame.
4.
Reviewing progress and recognising achievements
Progress
does not always mean completing the final goal.
Sometimes
small achievements are important milestones.
For
example, someone who wants to return to education might:
Identify
a subject they enjoy.
Research
suitable courses.
Contact
a college.
Ask
about learning support.
Arrange
a visit.
Decide
whether to apply.
Each
step represents progress.
The
coach should recognise effort, learning and achievements, while allowing the
coachee to decide what success means to them.
5.
Disability awareness and accountability
This is
particularly important when coaching disabled people or people with mental
health conditions.
Accountability
should be flexible and accessible.
For
example, a coachee might need:
More
time to complete an action.
Written
reminders.
Verbal
explanations.
Shorter
tasks.
Additional
breaks.
Accessible
information.
Changes
to the original plan.
These
adjustments do not mean removing responsibility or lowering expectations
automatically.
They
help make it possible for the individual to participate and work towards their
goals.
Remember:
Equal respect does not always mean identical arrangements.
6.
Scenario-based exercise
Scenario:
Reviewing an employment goal
Taylor
wants to explore employment.
During
a coaching session, Taylor agrees to research three possible job opportunities
before the next meeting.
At the
next session, Taylor explains that they only researched one opportunity.
They
also explain that the information on the employment websites was difficult to
understand and they needed more time.
The
coach responds:
"You
agreed to research three opportunities. You haven't completed what you
promised."
Your
task:
Consider
these questions:
What is
unhelpful about the coach's response?
How
could the coach explore the difficulties Taylor experienced?
What
could Taylor and the coach agree to do next?
Why is
it important to recognise the progress Taylor has already made?
7.
Practical activity
Imagine
you are supporting someone who wants to improve their confidence.
Write
down:
One
question you could ask to review their progress.
One way
you could recognise their achievements.
One
question you could ask if they have experienced difficulties.
One way
you could help them reconsider their action plan.
There
is no single correct coaching response. The important thing is to encourage
reflection without judgement.
8.
Knowledge check
Try
answering these questions before looking at the answers.
Question
1. What is the main purpose of accountability in coaching?
A. To
make sure the coach controls the coachee's actions.
B. To
encourage responsibility, reflection and progress towards chosen goals.
C. To
make sure every goal is completed by the original deadline.
Question
2. A coachee has not completed an agreed action. What should the coach do?
A. Tell
them they have failed.
B.
Automatically choose a different goal for them.
C.
Explore what happened and discuss possible next steps.
Question
3. Why might an action plan need adjusting?
A.
Because people's circumstances, priorities and support needs can change.
B.
Because goals should never be challenging.
C.
Because the coach should decide what is achievable.
9.
Answers and explanations
Suggested
answers
Scenario
exercise
The
coach sounds critical and concentrates on what Taylor did not complete rather
than understanding the circumstances.
The
coach could ask what Taylor found difficult about the information and whether
an accessible format would help.
They
could agree on a smaller number of opportunities, use accessible information or
allow more time.
Taylor
did complete some research. Recognising this helps identify progress and build
on what has been achieved.
Knowledge
check
B –
Accountability encourages the coachee to take responsibility while receiving
appropriate support.
C – The
coach should explore barriers without blaming the coachee.
A –
Action plans should be flexible enough to reflect changing circumstances and
individual needs.
10.
Connection with mentoring and your disability awareness book
There
is a useful connection between accountability in coaching and mentoring.
A
mentor might encourage a mentee to practise a skill or complete an agreed
development activity.
A coach
might help a coachee identify their own actions and review progress.
In both
relationships, encouragement and constructive feedback are important.
I would
also include this principle in your book, Always Learn About Disability + Never
Judge Disability:
Not
achieving a goal does not automatically mean someone has failed. Before judging
someone's progress, understand the barriers, circumstances and support
available to them.
This
does not mean ignoring agreed responsibilities. It means looking at the whole
situation fairly.
Today's
key learning point
Accountability
should encourage progress, not create shame.
A good
coach helps the coachee recognise achievements, understand difficulties, take
responsibility for their choices and decide what to do next.
Study
progress: Today's exercise covers Learning Outcome 9 and revisits collaborative
goal setting, accessible communication, professional boundaries and individual
choice.
