Sunday 1 January 2012

Last poems of 2011 to new poems new year of 2012.

Learning disability.

World blind.

You say black.
I say white.
No one is wrong or right.
There's just a misunderstanding of one an other's minds.
That misunderstanding can cause sadness that can take away ones' choice.
Ones' choice of been left out of the rest of the world.
You can do what you want safely without answering to anyone.
You don't feel useless.
You don't feel like hard work to other people.
Despite of the world been blind to me, I'm learning something new everyday.
May be I need more help to learn but I'm not blind in everything.
I still learn the same but different to you. 31.12.2011

Misunderstanding.

Hello, are you there?
Am I speaking to a person?
Can you speak?
No reply, why?
This is never a human?
I can take a while to speak, it may take a while for me take in what you have just said.
Ok, you think I am rather strange.
You must be strange not to give me time to speak.
What are we on about, we have known one another all our lives?
We still can't communicate.
I know I'm your family member, we known one another since we were born.
We still don't know or understand one another. 31.12.2011

You have walked on me.

I am the path.
I am the sand.
I am the sea.
You walk on me or swim inside me.
I am your water to cool you down.
I'm in the middle, you are all round me.
Lying on me.
Standing on me.
You all make the world a bigger place than it seems to be.
You are all over crowding me.
I can't breath.
It's like I can't join or fit in.
You will make fun of me because I can't join in with you all. 31. 12 . 2011


I will be on my own.

I will be on my own.
My company isn't good enough for you.
I am hard work for you.
I need more help than other people.
When no one is there your wondering why I'm alone.
When people are there your wondering why they bother with me in case I am hard work for them.
With the limits of what I can do in my life it's as if I shouldn't have been born.
As if I shouldn't be on this earth.
As if life isn't worth living.
That's where your wrong when I have my creative talents.
What am I doing now?
I am putting my feelings in poetry and words. 31 . 12 . 2011

Someone, something behind me.

Someone, something behind me.
Your moving faster than me.
I'm trying to move as fast as I can to your speed.
Something, someone that seems nasty getting closer and closer to me.
Ok, sorry I am taking up your space.
I have no warnings or reasons why.
Here I am made to feel guilty of putting traps on your lives. 31.12.2011

Change.

Now it's a new year.
I guess changes need to be made.
Changes are big when they are new, even if they are right and happy when they happen.
The old for so long is hard to let go.
Nice to see the new, which can be sometimes hard to get use to.
Some things seem like the end of the world whether they are good or bad changes.
Other things seem like a good idea at the time but bad in the end.
Nothing is known unless it's tried.
Everything seems scarily but may be fun when change is happening.
Some changes don't seem as bad when they have changed.
Tomorrow is unknown.
Wait until tomorrow is here!
The more aware you are the more you think yet shock is too sudden for you.
Surprise is happy for you. 31. 12. 2011

Keeping safe.

Everyone is looking at me strangely.

The red man hasn't changed to the green man.
I'm still standing there in case I'm not quick enough to cross.
People look at me anyway they want.
Not everyone goes by the law.
Some people like taking very risky risks.
No one knows everyone.
Trust is a hard thing in people you don't know. 31 . 12 .2011


Anxiety.

Everything seems worse than what it might be.
Something on the mind until it's all over one way or the other.
Some things never are over.
It seems like forever, it all builds up inside like an animal trying to get out of a cage.
You can't sleep at night.
What seems easy for you to deal with isn't for me.
Yes I know that I am not alone, my thoughts are for others like me and worse off than me.
It may not be a worry in the end but the build up is just too much.
No matter how hard you try to control your Anxiety, it's just not easy.
Stress is a killer on it's own but even more of a killer for people who have stress within them without it.
People with disabilities and health problems find stress to cope with because our health problems and disabilities is a stress for us as it is.
Without writing and art, I would have got myself misunderstood even more, I may have done harm to myself or other people without meaning.
Anger is hard to control due Anxiety. 31. 12. 2011

I'm just me.

I'm not a clever person.
Words just come into my mind.
I just write about what I think about.
I'm just me, there's only one of me.
Like you are you, there only just one of you.
I'm a human being with a career and a life.
I'm nothing and no one special.
I cope alone but I also have the world watching over me. 31 . 12 .2011

Your so wrong.

You think I don't care about your feelings but I do.
I just find feelings hard to show.
The world has too many people and places are hard for me to cope with.
Coping with myself is hard enough.
I never meant to shut you off.
I don't appear what I show.
I appear to hate everyone but I love everyone.
We all need to learn to understand one another a bit more. 31 . 12 .2011


Fears.

People fear how other people are going to be towards them.
It's so easy say and do things that come out wrong.
It's so easy to be unaware of what we say and do.
People don't like the way we seem and sound.
Our words come wrong so unplanned to our thoughts.
People aren't our friends because we seem what we are not.
We always feel bad if or and when we have realised we have or may have upset someone.
Not everything is down to our disabilities we are also our own people just like you are but most our disabilities make us the people we don't want to be. 31. 12 .
2011

Lack of
Communication

Hard to speak ones' mind.
Society controls the mind.
Your month speaks quicker than your mind.
Your pen writes quicker than your mind.
Been unheard and misunderstood is wrong.
You haven't achieved what you were hoping to.
What you said wasn't understood.
Everyone makes fun of what you said and how it appears to them.
You know what you mean they don't. 31 .12 . 2011

Zombie

I'm like a Zombie.
I'm in a dream.
I'm in a world of my own.
I can see a world of people over crowding me.
I feel like a puppet on a string.
Everyone seems to be having a good time.
No worries, I will find my way of having a good time on my own.
I'm just in a dream world.
Where are the people I know?
Left, right or straight on, which way shall I turn?
There are far too many people I don't know.
Too much nose, too many people talking at once.
The world is buzzing around but your in the middle of crowded people as it is in a crowded place. 31 . 12 . 2011

No where to run no where to hide.

There's no where to run and there's no where to hide.
Someone or something is always out to get me.
They don't mean to hurt me, they just want to move faster than me.
It feels like pain even though it's not meant to be.
They are too unaware of my life and too involved in their own.
They move so fast that they are unaware that I'm around. 31 .12 . 2011

Mirror mind.

Mirror mind.
Mirror writing.
When I look in the mirror I see the world, words and letters upside down.
Times are hard money wise.
Most Dyslexia people if not all see everything upside down like the painter who painted Mona Lisa.

No jobs and no money.
Broad out of ones' mind.
Nothing to keep the mind busy.
That's why there's so much anger and crime.
Walking around town window shopping.
We can look but we can't touch.
Looking through shop windows is like looking at ourselves through mirrors.
If the government doesn't wake up to life, we will be all be mentally ill, we'll be all going out of our minds. 31 .12 . 2011

Happy New Year 2012.

20th century is my 21st century are my centuries.
Like all people, I'm not getting younger.
Time should stay forward but age should go backwards so we keep on getting younger.
Never mind many of us stay forever young.
One glass of Champagne is like a bottle of Champagne.
The hangover takes so long to go but New Year is unforgotten. 1. 1. 2012


Look at me!

Look at me!
What do you see?
Mirror writing, painting, drawing, short stories and poetry.
The future is hard to see.
We are looking through darkness all the time.
We can only think how thing will be if they carry on like this.
No money in the world.
Where's the next generation going to be?
It's bad enough now. 2 . 1 . 2012

Everyone is looking at me.

I can only guess what you are all think.
I seem but not look very different to you.
Most of may think I have gone mad.
Others may see me as their best friend.
Others just think I'm ok.
I don't mean to be the person I appear to be.
I mean to sound rude or not interested in what's going on around me.
What I do and say may be hard to understand for you even though I don't mean to be the person you see.
Sorry if I seem nuts, which may not seem very human to you.
I seem stub, dumb and thick to a lot of people but I'm not.
If you don't know me it's hard to understand me.
It can take a long time to get to know me.
Sometimes I can shy away in case I'm misunderstood as a human being.
I'm having to learn not to care what people think and say, which isn't always easy.
I even get things wrong too, I may misunderstand what you think about me.
I may not speak because I'm scared of saying and doing the wrong things to your mind, it won't mean that I mean to be rude towards you.
The world is too big for me and too many people, this is where I find it hard to communicate in anyway at all towards them.
My problem is finding it hard cope with too many things at once. 3 . 1 . 2012


Turned away.

Turned away from school, I felt like running away from school.
It was all a waste of time I wasn't learning a thing.
Turned away from college, no I learned in no time at all.
Turned away from work, yes I was too slow I couldn't do the jobs right.
Turned away from people, yes and no some where ok some weren't.
It was hard to know what was going through their minds because I seemed so different to them but not to look at.
My slowness made them think I wasn't right in the head when really I'm righter in the head then they would ever be.
I proof nothing to them I I proof to myself, I'm creative in putting my thoughts, feelings and etc down on paper. 3 . 1 . 2012

VALENTINE POEMS 2012.

It's hard to cope not to hope.
Most of the time what you love and want isn't good for you.
Hope can give you pain.
Chasing and wishing to have something or and someone you can't have is just dreams.
Just be yourself.
Just get to know yourself all over again.
Learn to like yourself.
Learn to love yourself.
Never give up on the on what you want or and who you love.
Never hope too much, let whatever or and whoever come to you.
Have your space.
Surprises may come if if you don't think and hope.
Discover the world around you.
Be faithful, loyal and true.
Even if your hard work has failed never give up on moving on.
Never work too hard to please someone!
Still be the same person as you are.
Never chase anything or anyone.
No matter how much you love and want, still never hope.
It's better to miss someone than lose someone or and something who and or want is special to you. 12.2.2012

So near so far.

Time is so near yet so far.
Time together is so short.
Time apart is so long that it seems like forever.
No matter how long or short, I love you too much to give up.
Time apart may well be too long but I enjoy every moment I spent with you when I see you.
It doesn't matter how long or short it takes to see you again. 12.2.2012

Forever friends.

Forever friends with love.
Never hope for too much.
I'm here as long as you want me.
I will cope without seeing as long as I have to.
I will be faithful, loyal and true to you. 12.2.2012

Love teaches you as many things as life does.

The mistakes I have made having got far too close to you all those years.
The person I loved so much who I thought loved me so much.
I used to find it to be without you now I can't stand to be in the same room as you.

Now I have learned to be myself again.
I don't give up on my life to please you or anyone any more.
I spend so many years living your life instead of my own.
Little did I realise how blind I was.
I know no one asks you to live some one's life but love can be so hard to control when the feelings are there for someone
Now we have gone from love to like to hate.
I will try my best to not make the same mistake again. 12.2.2012

Time without you.

Even when the sun shines life still seems dull until I see you.
When you shine, you shine brighter than any lights.
I just wait until you brighten turn on the light brighten up my night again .
In the mean time my thoughts about you are inside my mind non stop. 12.2.2010

Love is

Love is like a plant.
Love is like a flower.
Love is like a tree.
Love lasts as long as it's going to unless it's to be.
Until it drys, dies and needs watering again.
Never give up hope just because love has never lasted before.
Never trust hope because nothing is promised.
Never fear love otherwise you will fear everything.
If you fear everything you will never have a life. 12.2.2012

Time.

Time seems like a life time without you.
However long time is that's how long it's meant to be for you and me.
I hope any amount of time is good for you like it is for me.
When time comes we will enjoy our love even more.
When I think about you time can't come slow or quick enough.
When I am about to see you the night is very unknown.
My thoughts are mixed but I never give up because private time together is just a matter of any time.
My feelings don't change no matter what the situations are. 12.2.2012

Now I can see through you.

You may not of loved me as much as I loved you.
How blind was I to love you?
You may not have loved me at all.
You may have stringed me along all these years.
We were both very young.
I may have been too blind to see that your love towards me may have been a lie.
You know I had friends who could see I was making the biggest mistake of my life.
These friends knew how much I really loved you.
This relationship may have been to please them and keep them quite not to please me.
My friends warned me so many times that you were the wrong man for me.
I was far too blind to see.
I was too much in love with you to know what I was letting myself in for.
In the end you hurt me badly.
As years went on I learned to stopped loving you, I even tried to be your friend but then the friendship turned hate. 12.2.2012

So many things so unknown.

Not everything is certain.
There could be so many unknown things you have kept from me all these years.
Yet again I have been far too blind to see.
Rest your case, I may be wrong but I still could be blind.
The door may be closed on the two of us, which I am glad now.
It has took me so long to realise what a bad man you really are.
What's even worse is that you may have kept so much from me that I should have known a long time ago.
I may still don't know and may never know.
Private calls you made in front of my face, I heard every word but never said a word to you.
Texts you send and got back while you had your arm round me.
Only trying to love me when you where drunk.
Building my hopes up that you loved me again when you didn't.
Telling me the next day that you did not mean a word you said to me the night before.
In the end I heard the word sorry too many times to carry on loving you.
I knew if I carried on any longer you weren't going to change, you would just carry hurting me then saying.
" Sorry sorry sorry."
This relationship was based on a drunk lie.

I can't believe I was so mad to love someone whose love was based on lies.
I guess I won't be the first and I won't be the last to put myself in that trap.
Now I am out of that trap moving on with my life. 12.2.2012

Unknown

I look at you knowing how I feel about you and how you feel about me.
Not be able to say a word in front of anyone.
Only you and me know.
The end of the night is unknown to whether we spend private time together.
Now time isn't there, I miss you twice as much.
When time is there I enjoy however long or short it lasts. 12.2.2012

In between lovers and friends.

It may well be a strange friendship.
It may well be a strange relationship.
It gives us time to get to know ourselves as well as each other all over again.
Time apart seems like forever.
Time together seems like freedom but not long enough.
Time together is worth waiting for however long or short it takes. 12.2.2012


You kept on changing your mind.

Your mind games stopped me from loving you after I loved you for so long.
One minute you wanted me next minute you did not, I took that for far too many years.
As the years went on you only seemed to have wanted me when you were drunk.
The next night you were telling me that you didn't mean what you said the night before.
I was sick of you building my hopes up.
I loved you so much but you hurt me too much to love you any more.
If I still loved you now you would have played with my mind like you did before, you wouldn't have loved me at tall.
You just love me because you know I don't love you any more.
You have treated me as your victim not your lover all the years you were with me, I was too blind to see.
All these years your feelings have changed far quick, when I think you never have loved me, you just played games with my mind.
You don't hurt me like you used to because I don't love you no more.
It hurt me too bad too know that the man I loved so much hurt me so much because you didn't love me as much as I thought in fact I don't think you ever loved me at all.
No way do I fall for your games any more because I don't love any more.
It's far too late for you to change your mind now.
You said that you love me and the drink isn't talking, I don't fall for that any more.
I don't go along with your change of feelings any more.
My feelings for you stayed the same for years, then they change three years ago so they will stay the same forever.
I have now moved on with my life in my own time, I don't need you any more.
Why did I ever love you, I should have known I didn't need you? 3.3.2012

Chocolate and love.

Any food is a passion if you love it.
Chocolate is my love.
If can help it I never I have too much chocolate even though I love it.
Too much chocolate sends me dizzy with too much love.
I become greedy then I want more and more.
I'd rather wait until I get to eat chocolate, which tastes better if I don't eat with often. 10.3.2012

Nothing I love loves me.

Nothing I love loves me.
Chocolate
Curry
Men
Beer
When I eat too much curry I'm off to the loo every five minutes.
When I eat too much chocolate the taste is lovely but I go dizzy with a headache and it's bad for my teeth.
When I drink too much beer I get drunk it's fun, it's hang over in the morning that hurts.
Men break my heart if I see them too much. 10.3.2012

Most things you love aren't good for you.

Sugar and sweets bad for the your teeth.
Spice can give you the wind, which can smell everything and everybody away from you.
Time to go to the loo.
I hate going to the dentist as they poke around in your teeth and month.
I love a fried breakfast on a Saturday morning after a skin fall of drinks on a Friday night.
Too much of what you love does you no good.
11.3.2012

Badracue

I see Bardacue bangers on sticks, taste and smell so good.
I feel the hot sun tanning my back.
Now I feel the burning my back I need some cream to cool it down. 11.3.2012

Winter and hot meals.

When the cold days and nights are upon us.
There's nothing more warm and tastly than faggots, mushy peas and a pint of beer.
It's so hard finding the best meal deals.11.3.2012

Month watering.

What am I in a mood to eat today?
I wish the weather was sunny and hot.
I wish I could go to a badacue with bangers on sticks and month watering bardacue sause.11.3.2012