Tuesday 28 June 2016

Fight for disability rights.



http://you.38degrees.org.uk/petitions/resignation-of-justin-tomlinson-government-minister-for-dwp-disabled?bucket&time=1458379511

Can as many of you as poss please sign this petitions thank you. Although Disabled people have faced the benefits, benefit, tax and that since David has been power, despite myself as a disabled voted disability rights' laws, Discrimination Act and etc is at risk now the EU is out. It's wrong that disabled people have to depend on the EU to get our rights and needs met the Uk should support that, Thank you.

Saturday 25 June 2016

EU voting in or out.


Think we would all agree that the information of voting in and out the EU is or and can be very confusing when both sides is a good and a bad idea for us. I notice last night a good many petitions were created on Facebook because a lot of people regretted having voted out, this could be because it's so hard understand. Most of those people who changed their minds are just the general population so as it's a possibly it's been hard for them to deside right it's even harder if you have disabilities and health problems. In the case of disabilities and health problems if Labour would have been it power it may have been a little bit easier for people with disabilities and health problems to deside what to vote for.    

Here's why the voting in and out is not easy to understand.
Lots of people with disabilities are wanting to vote again. I also know you know Cameron has caused us stress with the benefits, bedroom tax, working, not working and that. To get him out that's voting out. (meaning voting David Cameron out is out.)
Our Rights to disability rights, laws and Discrimination Act is under the EU so that is to vote in so really the UK should support those rights for us without the EU so we can work in jobs we are skilled for and safe to do. 

Wednesday 22 June 2016

Old poetry into new, trying to move on from Emotional and Mental abuse.

This was all in my mind.

I was young, I thought I knew all and to be honest I thought I'd had it all with you.
How wrong was I?
I thought you were my handsome prince to be but it wasn't to be.
As year went on I realized I needed to get real and live in the real world.
To start off with the truth hurt but then it turned out the best.
In the end I made a step that I never thought I'd make.
My feelings towards you changed in a way they never thought they would so all I need to do now is get you out of my head.
Even now none of you ungle frogs who have broke my heart have turned to handsome princes, I guess I need to tell myself I'm so lucky in love and I should get these thoughts out my head but who knows, I just need to learn not to think about it?  15. 6. 99 - 22.6.2016

I can't believe I'm still moving on from you,

Somehow, some day I will move from you.
How I'm so glad I'm not you who doesn't know his own mind and doesn't know what to do.
I'm so glad I'm not a person whose never pleased whichever way life throws, how I would hate to be you, making life hell for others whatever happens.
When I was in your life you were never happy but also as I know you, your not happy now I'm out your life but not my problem, why should I carry on blaming myself for a man whose never happy with the way however it is?
All I can say I hope you get what you deservice and end up a sadly and lonely old man, what woman is going to put up with a sad old man like you?
How strange it is how I felt for your sense of human, kindness and charm but then turned turned to nastiness that ribbed my heart apart.
You used to scar the life out of me, your Mum was right to say your bark is bigger than your bite.
Don't try to act Mr hard man making me feel weak because I'm a woman, it turns out I'm stronger minded than you but I don't brag like you, I think I had to be strong in the end after the amount years I put with you! 1996 - June 2016

Picking myself up.

I bet those who knew me thought I was mad to take you back.
I never thought I'd love as long as I did but then I never thought I'd stop loving you either.
It's been hard to someone one else after loving you so long but I will get there when the time comes.
I once thought you gave me happiness but I was wrong, you gave me nothing but hell.
I don't think you loved me I think I spent years believing your lie.
I was just your rebound of others because they wouldn't put up with you so it seems as if I was the only soft fool.
I'm only making life hard for you because you made life hard for me so you have bought on all yourself.
You sad sad old fool, I'm so sorry you are you not understanding what in the world is good for you but then it's not right force someone's choice, doesn't matter too late mate I don't want that choice anymore.
Too late to change your mind now if you want, why should I care either way? 2000 - June 2016

A poem about summer at last.

The unhappy winter has gone.
Summer is here at last, make the most of it, summer time will go so fast!
How do you write a poem?
Just write what you think and how you feel.
What subject?
Whatever is on the mind at the time. 1997 - 2016

Lucky Escape.

Your more than welcome to him I have had a lucky escape, take him away and good luck to you.
I never thought I'd feel this way, at one point I wasn't happy with you but now I feel sorry for you.
I just hope you know what your letting yourself in for girl like me any girl can do better than him.
If only I knew what I was letting myself for when I first him, I wouldn't of had all the pain I had, it took me long enough to realize that. 1997 - 2016.









Old poetry into new, trying to move on from Emotional and Mental abuse.

This was all in my mind.

I was young, I thought I knew all and to be honest I thought I'd had it all with you.
How wrong was I?
I thought you were my handsome prince to be but it wasn't to be.
As year went on I realized I needed to get real and live in the real world.
To start off with the truth hurt but then it turned out the best.
In the end I made a step that I never thought I'd make.
My feelings towards you changed in a way they never thought they would so all I need to do now is get you out of my head.
Even now none of you ungle frogs who have broke my heart have turned to handsome princes, I guess I need to tell myself I'm so lucky in love and I should get these thoughts out my head but who knows, I just need to learn not to think about it?  15. 6. 99 - 22.6.2016

I can't believe I'm still moving on from you,

Somehow, some day I will move from you.
How I'm so glad I'm not you who doesn't know his own mind and doesn't know what to do.
I'm so glad I'm not a person whose never pleased whichever way life throws, how I would hate to be you, making life hell for others whatever happens.
When I was in your life you were never happy but also as I know you, your not happy now I'm out your life but not my problem, why should I carry on blaming myself for a man whose never happy with the way however it is?
All I can say I hope you get what you deservice and end up a sadly and lonely old man, what woman is going to put up with a sad old man like you?
How strange it is how I felt for your sense of human, kindness and charm but then turned turned to nastiness that ribbed my heart apart.
You used to scar the life out of me, your Mum was right to say your bark is bigger than your bite.
Don't try to act Mr hard man making me feel weak because I'm a woman, it turns out I'm stronger minded than you but I don't brag like you, I think I had to be strong in the end after the amount years I put with you! 1996 - June 2016

Picking myself up.

I bet those who knew me thought I was mad to take you back.
I never thought I'd love as long as I did but then I never thought I'd stop loving you either.
It's been hard to someone one else after loving you so long but I will get there when the time comes.
I once thought you gave me happiness but I was wrong, you gave me nothing but hell.
I don't think you loved me I think I spent years believing your lie.
I was just your rebound of others because they wouldn't put up with you so it seems as if I was the only soft fool.
I'm only making life hard for you because you made life hard for me so you have bought on all yourself.
You sad sad old fool, I'm so sorry you are you not understanding what in the world is good for you but then it's not right force someone's choice, doesn't matter too late mate I don't want that choice anymore.
Too late to change your mind now if you want, why should I care either way? 2000 - June 2016

A poem about summer at last.

The unhappy winter has gone.
Summer is here at last, make the most of it, summer time will go so fast!
How do you write a poem?
Just write what you think and how you feel.
What subject?
Whatever is on the mind at the time. 1997 - 2016

Lucky Escape.

Your more than welcome to him I have had a lucky escape, take him away and good luck to you.
I never thought I'd feel this way, at one point I wasn't happy with you but now I feel sorry for you.
I just hope you know what your letting yourself in for girl like me any girl can do better than him.
If only I knew what I was letting myself for when I first him, I wouldn't of had all the pain I had, it took me long enough to realize that. 1997 - 2016.









Sunday 19 June 2016

Moving forward poetry.

NO ONE KNOWS NO ONE.

You made me to be in this world.
The first twenty-one years of my life you weren't there.
I was no one to you, at least it felt that way anyway.
You were no one to me, it seemed as if as I wasn't anyone to you because I never saw you.
when I first met you at the age of twenty - one, I thought we put the piece of the jigsaw together but I was wrong.
Now I feel as if a piece of jizsaw is missing in me again.
I think I have lost myself again.
Perhaps part of me was always been missing and always will be.
Why do I have a feeling that two human beings are missing out of my life too?
why do I have feeling that they are asking themselves unanswered questions like I did as a child?
I want to help them because I know how it feels, it's as if you are in the dark.
It's feels as I am feeling the same way again as I did as a child knowing that my half brother and sister are going through the same as I did.
I'm their half big sister, of course I want to be there for them and help them.
You aren't going to help them are you?
Don't you realise what you have done and how it has affected our minds?
The past doesn't matter, I've been there all my life.
I never knew why this had to be but it doesn't matter now, it's not about me, it's about my younger half brother and sister.
I am the past they are the present and future.
It's the present and the future, how do you think it's going to affect their lives?
why do I feel like the useless big half sister?
no one knows no one, it's all a mystery.

The single rose. 

When the wind blows it opens one single rose.
When the rain comes down the whole roses are very washed down.
When spring has just started lovers have ran.
When summer is on it's way lovers pick roses everyday. September 1997

Lovers.Eating ice cream on a hot summer's day in the park.
Eating fish and chips, kissing and hugging wrapped up warm on a cold winter's night in the dark.

Eating pop corn in the back seat on the back row hugging the night away.
Drinking in the pub getting drunk, hugging and kissing September 1997

I hope you feel the same as I do.

I am sitting writing poetry about you.
Thinking about you as I do.
You love me like I love you.
Your not only my lover but my best friend.
What happens happens.
I can't except it to happen forever but never say never. 8.9.2002

 love you madly.

Hello my lovely laddie, I Love you so madly.
I hope you don't leave me so sad.
Why I am I so mad as a lass to meet such a lad?

I may as well lose love from start to end.
One way or the other I will manage to be loved again and dumped again.
I once ended up with a laddie who went off with another.
We fell in love for two and a half years, after that I had so many fears.
It took me a long time to move on, now gladly and madly I love another laddie. 1997 - 2000

What has it done to my life?When I go into a relationship, I fall in love too easy.
I know I dream and hope for too much for the future.
I should take things day by day.
I need to accept that break ups happens, I can't help this when I love someone.

When my relationships end I always seem to go to pieces because it hurts so much.
It's as if the whole world has crashed on top of me.
Sometimes I have felt as if something has been missing in life. 4.7.2000


I live in hope.

I live in hope that I won't you like I lost the rest of them.
I live in hope that I will hear your voice on the telephone.
There is not time that I don't think about you or miss you.

You don't have to fear me, I won't give you a hard time.
I love my freedom and space.
Most of all I love you for you.
The time we spend apart the more I enjoy seeing you.
My fear is losing you but then nothing lasts forever.
I love you so much so much.
I fear because I want to carry with what we have got. 28.8.2000

I'm in love but I have space.
No ties on my life and no strings attracted.
I am still faithful.
I love partner and he loves me.
We can trust each other too. 28.8.2000
I have no fear.I have no fear of trust.
There's a lot about you that makes me feel as if I can trust you.
I love you for you.
In my mind there's no one like you.
When I am without you, I miss you so much.
Now I am brave enough to cope without you.
It does not matter to me what life is like and how hard it is nothing or no one will put me off you.
Please get some sleep while you can with you working all night long.
I don't want anything to happen to you.
I'd rather miss you because your working than knowing that I am not going to see you again. 28.8.2000 onwards.


In your dreams.Once a upon a time, I knew you for two and a half years which seemed like a life time.

Thinking back you were not knowing.
I know the truth hurts but not as much as you hurt me.
Why has it taken you so long to knew that you made a mistake leaving me in the first place?

Well it's only your own loss.
If only you had not hurt me in the first place, you know now that you hurt the wrong woman.

Don't ever think if she leaves you that you can come back to me.
You must accept that nothing can be the same again.

Things will get worse for you not better, you would either up end living with a nasty old woman or you could end up being a lonely old man.
It's far too late now.

If you still love me, please leave me to love a man who will love me for me not what he can get out of me.

If you don't love me, why should I be bothered, I don't love you either. 25.6.2000
Are you lucky or not?

If you met a nice girl I hope you don't hurt her like you hurt me.
I hope you won't hurt her at all.

Who is this unlucky girl who you are lucky enough to have?
Is she out there for you?
What is her name?
She is brave enough with you but will she put with you as long as I did?
If you are lucky enough please don't let her down like you let me down. 25.6.2000


I love you and I know you love me.I love you and I know you love me.
I have that loving feeling that we are meant to be.
I love your lovely dark hair, those lovely brown eyes stick out a mile.

It's so sad I can't see a tiny bit more of you.
I just want to make it clear to you that my feelings are very strong towards you.
I hope we are right for one another.

To me you are a love waiting for, I hope I am right in thinking that.
You are very special to me.
No other male has made me feel like you do. 26.6.2000

You and me.Ups and downs may well happen time after time but good and bad is excepted to be.
At the end of the day we are strong for one another.
There's not a day goes by that we don't think of one another. 2000 - 2001


I can't live with or without love.Why don't I see you, I miss you badly.
Go back to work, I'm only joking.
When I am without you I miss you so much as much as it hurts.
When I am with you I can't leave you alone.
Never the less the more I don't see the stronger our love is. 2000 - 2001

I had time to heel.

I cried my eyes out that cold winter's night when you left.
It seemed so long I thought it was good.
When you walked back in my life on that Hot summer's night that was when I saw the light.
We loved for so long yet we had so long apart.
After you had been gone for so long I thought you'd stop loving me for good.
I found myself in the end putting a brave face on just to show I was strong. 20.1.2002

Nothing stops me.

I am feeling tired and unwell but nothing stops me from enjoying life.
Now I accepts the turns I have that is part of my life.
I love studying, working, writing and being with the man I love so much.
I love going out drinking every now and then. 20.1.2002

My mind is blank.

My mind is blank.
My eyes are tired but I can't sleep.
I want to write but I don't know what to write.

It's winter time, it's so cold and I want you to keep me warm.
I feel lazy to do anything, please keep me warm. 20.1.2002

Advice in poetry.

Absence makes the heart grow founder.
If you see too much of one another you fall apart.
Longer time a part : longer time together.

Action speaks louder than words.
Never promise what you can't do.
Never say one thing than do another.
Always let someone know if you change your mind.

An apple a day keeps the doctor away.
Eat something healthy everyday.
Eat fruit, meat vegetables or fish.
Have at least a little exercise is the main thing.

What makes a man healthy and wise, as long as you keep yourself alive?
As you get older you should get wiser.
Why worry about having not enough money when you just have enough to live on?
Why ask for too much when some people have nothing at all?
Little bit of what you fancy does not do you any harm.

As you make your bed you can lye in it.
If you have a chance in life take it.
Don't play around, one can only stand so much.
You won't be left off the hook forever.

A bird in hand is worth two in the brush.
Be happy with what you have got, you don't need anymore.
One love is enough don't be greedy!
Don't date someone and promise to date another at the same time.

You can't always get what you want.
If you learn to live with not getting what you want, you will get what you want.
It comes to those who wait.

Early to bed : early to rise.
When you go to bed : you should wake up full of life.
20.1.2002
Drinking. 

A lot of people like a drink but drinking too much is not good for anyone. 

Once in a blue moon have a heavy night out. 

As long as your not drunk every night of the week. 


The effects of drinking is not worth it. 

Bad head, bad leg, being and feeling sick. 

You can pay the price for a long while for being drunk. 

Problems are still there the next day but drained away with drink at the time. 2000 onwards.

It happens. 

When you meet someone you could fall in love. 

When you break up one's heart breaks another. 

You seem to think the person who has hurt you has not got any feelings at all but that is not always a case if there's a good reason for the break up. 

Some people feel guilty when they hurt people if they love them, it just so happens it's not always to be. 

The most common reasons for ended love is that you may not have given one another a great deal of time to get to know one another. 

It's also agreed that most people don't feel any guilt at all.2000 onwards. 

I love you. 

I love you for you, don't you forget I do. 

I would like you to think that you love me for me too. 

You should not love a person for what you can get out them. 

I will help you if you help me. 

I want you to understand me like I understand you. 

I want you to bring me up not bring me down. 

I want to find more friends to go out with so you can go out with your friends. 

I want to change the kind of person I am but it just takes time. 

We must listen to one another. 

We must stop hurting one another. 2000 onwards 


When I feel close to you. 

I feel close to you when I lye close to you. 

You make me feel safe when you make me feel happy. 

It would be lovely if you would stay a bit longer. 

It would be lovely to stay a little longer early lye in together. 

It's great when I open my eyes and you are right beside me. 

I have learned to love you too long and too much I can't let go, even though you hurt me so. 2007 
You are never happy.

You spent so long trying to get me out of your life, that's what it felt like to me.
Now that I have gone you miss me, you don't what you have lost until you have lost it.
At the time you really hurt me but I really loved you.
Now that I am out of your life, I don't love you anymore.
I know you want me back in your life.
I have know you long enough to know whatever happens your never happy with.
You have lost my love, you only have yourself to blame. 26.9.2010

Things on your mind.

There can be things on your mind all the time.
Most of the time you think of things that happened a long time ago.
No matter how hard you try to blank these thoughts out you never forget.
These are very often things that are hard to talk about and explain yet never understood.
We can feel frightened to say anything at all.
For me it happened at school.
A lot of people told me it was all in my mind but it's always there never forgotten no matter how hard I try to forget.
Why has it been there all my life, yet I have tried so hard to blank it out?
I have learning disabilities, I don't have the same understanding as other people yet I'm not alone in the world anymore, I never was, I only thought I was alone. 30.9.2010

Unheard voice.

When you have learning disabilities, you are always children in the eyes of society.
Nothing has seemed to have changed, I guess it never will but it still seems as if not a lot has changed in the last 30 years or more, that's not been understood or listened to. 
After not been listened to, understand or believed by adults when I was a child.
It carried on far too long into my young adult years.
I guess I never got heard because of my learning disabilities.
It's as if people knew that I wasn't suppose to know anything but I knew I had been hurt in some way, explaining it was hard.
I knew nothing but a long true nightmare that I still can't get out my head from the age of seven upwards, now I am 41.
This happened to me more than once and more than one person.
It's just so hard to explain, which not a lot has changed when it first began.
It happened so long ago.
I shouldn't try to tell because I don't know what happened yet I don't forget.
It doesn't make any sense but strange as it sounds it's true that strange unexpected things even now still come out of the blue. 30.9.2010

Time to go to bed.

It was time to go to bed, us girls chatted for a while.
The Housemother told us off to get to sleep ready for school the next morning.
My mind was full of unexplained stress that I wasn't suppose to know yet it happened to me.
It was no good telling the kids, they weren't suppose to know either.
We were little children little babies who were learning about life yet there was very little to learn at that time.
Everyone fell a sleep all but not me, I wasn't the best of sleepers anyway but all what I didn't understand was playing on my mind I was far too young to know but I should have known what happened, it was too hard understand and tell anyone.
I wasn't just a child, I was a child with learning disabilities.
I held my ginger German teddy bear named Hands, I felt so alone.
Every time I tried to sleep I could hear and see the big evil moister attacking me.
I lay there thinking how I was going to tell grown ups but I didn't have a clue.


It's hard to talk.

I just cried all night.
Every time I faced a child, I felt so alone in the world.
I kept hoping it wasn't happening to any other child but then it made it even harder to explain myself if it wasn't.
It was no good telling them because they weren't suppose to know or understand either.

Not able to understand what happened to you is a very strange nasty feeling, just these unforgotten unexplained things going inside your mind.
It can never be a lie if it's never forgotten, I only wish it was because It wouldn't be there to haunt you for life.
It happened every school I went to, I was unaware of whether it was happening to other children or not until we were adults.
Before I knew it was happening to other children as well me, I thought I was having nightmares, hearing and or seeing things in my mind.
We were just far too young to know and understand what was going on.
I have met many people who I went to school with during adult they have been through the same things in the same schools.
I wasn't alone after all I just didn't know that a lot of the children went through it too.
It's haunted us all our lives, even today, it's hard to explain.
 30.9.2010


Time to listen to children.

Time to listen to children, you never know what you are going to hear.
You can't be there with children twenty - four hours a day so you can't say what they tell is or isn't true.
If a child goes on about the same thing a lot, then it's true, something needs to be done.
Children need to be listened to, this is the same for people with disabilities and Health problems all ages.
It's time to listen carefully and take more time with people who take to be understood and heard otherwise could be disbelieving something that really happened.
Take more time to understand all human beings.
They could be telling you something that has happened but will damage the rest of their lives if nothing has been done about it.
This could damage their minds like it has damaged mine, don't let that happen to them.
We all know that most kids can tell lies but if somethings can be tried to be said once too often enough and is serious, that's the time to listen and take action that will help to be happy again.  30.9.2010


You only live once.


Do anything you want this could be your only or last chance in life.
Help someone who wants to give things a go, it could be there only and last chance too.
Help someone who needs more help than you.
Remember it could have been you if not them.
Don't let theirs and your chances slip.

There's nothing worse than been left out, how would like to give something a go but no one is there to help you if you need help?
Everyone looks at you at if you are squib and thick, that's not the case you just need a bit more help than most people.
Your left out because it seems as if the rest of the world can have a normal life, you can't. ( What's normal at the end of the day?)
What are we missing out on?

Crashing cars and screaming kids is something we can do without but what's missing is looking in the mirror everyday seeing another you.
See how different and better life can be for your child than it was for you, not to say that life was all bad and all good for you.

There seems to be full of lovers, you feel like your boyfriend's child when you need more help than others rather than his girlfriend. (You feel useless when your relationship breaks up.) 

There are too many benefit traps around jobs but the world is a very lonely place without a career, study and work.

You feel left out when know you help from them but what they realise is what is like to need more help unless learning disabilities and Mental Health problems happen to them. 

Things that happened a long time ago are always in your head.
The memories are always there but words never really come out to be understood or even said.
So you see faces and hear voices inside your head.
No one understands unless it happens to them.
The world looks at you really strange, whatever you have said and or listened to doesn't make sense.
They think your nuts because you don't make sense to them.
No, they are nuts because it doesn't make sense to you.

You try to grab life with both hands but people are in your faces all the time when don't need but no one is really there to give you a helping hand when you do need it.
You want to give it a go because you are only on the earth once so why were we born at all?
At least you have tried if you haven't succeed.

My real Father isn't my Father, I haven't know him long enough he's my friend.
He doesn't know a great deal about my life so he's the only one in the family doesn't know me. 2th October 2010

Get by.

Times are rather hard, money is tight, even though you don't get a lot of chance to hold me tight, still we're happy enough.
It's not just money problems it's other things in my life too but no worries it's not you.
I've been through good and bad before, I will get by just like I've always have done.
Not sleeping well but over tried with things on my mind.
Somehow I'll manage my work.
I'm worried about losing my work and business.
I will either run the business with support or not all.
My work means a lot to me so do you, even though I don't have enough private time with you.
Strangely I miss you even though I see you.
There's so much to tell you but very litte time to say it. 2nd October 2010

Rape, rape.

Rape rape has damaged my mind.
Rape has ripped me up for 33yrs but not all my life has been black and white.
Memories are still there but thankfully now flashbacks and nightmares are very little compared to what they used to be.
From the age of a 7 year old child it happened until I was a 33 year old woman.
I have tried so hard to blank it out but it hasn't been easy.
It has been hard to explain, which is why I never got understood or believed.
It shouldn't surprise me that none would understand. 2nd October 2010


Our eyes are our doors.

Our eyes are our doors, we close and open.
We never know what nights and days are until our eyes that are doors are open.
Sometimes we can't close our eyes that are doors at all when too much is on our minds about things we may and should and shouldn't know.
Sometimes we are only told half the story, we may have to wait until tomorrow comes, forever or not at all.
Some days and nights are different.
Other days and nights are all the same.
Some things have to start and finish but others don't happen at all.
Other things stay as they are, whether it's Good bad life is life sometimes for a good reason other times for a bad.
Sometimes tomorrow is known other times it's unknown, sometimes it's better off unknown but most of the time it needs to be known.
At times life can be cure thins happen that shouldn't.
Life is what you make but not everything happens by our choice, which doesn't leave us completely free.
When it comes to the government no one is free but no one is completely naughty.
We all need some control but not over controlled.
To be fare the world needs a balance so nothing is too fare or too unfair, which never seems to happen. 4.10.10

Open our doors open our eyes.

Good morning time, there's very little freedom for us all.

Open our doors open our eyes.
The world is a mess in so much debt, we have been too greedy.
Now the world is losing money so one day it will all come to an end.
The future is unknown.
As one door closes another one opens.
Hello, to the good, goodbye to the bad.
Hello, to the bad, goodbye to the good.
That's the way life always is and that all it ever can be. 4.10.10

Close our doors close our eyes.

We need to clear out of our minds before we can close our doors and eyes on the old thoughts to bring new thoughts.
We mustn't worry about a thing, otherwise we could be bringing something bad into something good.
How can you feel good at the same time as feeling bad but somehow we do?
Sooner or later you need to be getting out of the bad to get into the good, we shouldn't mix good and bad but it seems to happen.
Nothing is good all the while, things may be either a little rough or crash for life.
The world used to be beautiful, we had very little war and very little crime was notice at time.
It good to know that we notice more crime but bad to know it happens, ever badder to know that it happen and wasn't notice.
Some many things in life weren't notice a long time ago but more and more is notice now.
A never ending story and a never ending poem.
Making plans for the future without even knowing what the future is going be or not even realizing that there may not be any future.
Never make plans let the future be.
No safety in the world.
No surprise to anyone when there's too much crime by people who don't do their time, too much and greed with money that's going going gone.
We need help to understand life, what is it about?
Why were we born, why do we die?
Why are we here in the first place?
Let the rain be sunshine, Sunshine be rain.
Not too cold not too hot.
Let there be safety not danger. 4.10.10

Here you go again!

You loved me twice.
You dumped me twice.
Now you want me back again.
How many chances do you want?
You've hurt me a lot more than once.
I thought I would never stop loving you but finely I walked away.
You will never stop me from moving on how I want to despite the pain you have put me through.
It's not my fault that you didn't love me when I loved you.
You've been playing nasty games with my mind.
Now it's too late, you only have yourself to blame.
I always thought you loved me but I believe now that I was wrong.
You don't love me, you only love yourself.
You are only saying you love me because I'm not in your life anymore. 10.10.10

The loser.

Once I thought you were the man for me but now I'm glad it didn't turn out to be.
People told me that you weren't the man for me but I didn't listen to a word they said to me.

I thought I knew it all.
Now I realize that I'm better off without you.
I don't even want to see you, you hurt me that much.
I wish I never met and loved you.
I wish I never gave you a second chance after you left me the first time.
Now that I don't love you anymore, I can't believe that I ever did loved you at all.
The more I loved you the more you hurt me.


Now that I don't love you anymore, you don't hurt me anymore.
Nothing ever matched between us, it was wrong for us to fall in love.
You knew I loved you so much but it too me years to realize that you didn't love me.
Now I don't love you anymore, you make out you love me because you have no one hurt anymore.

I was too blind to realize that your love for me was a lie and even still is and always will be.
I had put up with your trickily mind games too many years far too long.
If you treat anyone else like you treated me, you will spend the rest of your life alone.
One day someone will hurt you like you hurt me, then it will hit you hard.

You always played tricks with my mind.
One minute you loved me the next you didn't.
I can't believe I ever was a your victim of hate and love for so long.
You used to give me wonderful dreams and nasty nightmares but not always at the same time.
Butterflies flow and swam through my stomach when you made me feel good.
Panic attacks would go through all over my body when you made me feel bad.
My stomach would turn over as if I was on a very fast fairground ride.
You may have broken my heart but whatever my future is to be, I'm glad to say that I don't want to be with you anymore you see.
Despite of the damage you have put me through, you will never stop me from doing what I want to do,which has nothing to do with you. 31.10.10

Changes.

Time to let there is to be.
Time for peace.
Not to hope expect anything at all.
Never say it will ever end.
Let the damaged past mend.
Getting to know one's self all over again.
Believe in one's self.
It will take one's own time to feel one's self again.
Too soon for heavy love.
There's no harm in friendly love.
Companionship from one whose been through the same as one.
One becomes two of us me and you.
We're not the first who have been hurt, we won't be the last.
It's tremendous to be independent but to be faithful.
We all make mistakes how many of us learn from them?
My mistakes have been loving men who have hurt me but I guess we have both been as bad as one another.
I just got too close to them and I hoped for too much.
Now it's time to take it easy, one isn't getting any younger but I admit my feelings for you are getting stronger. 4.11.10

WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU ARE DOING?

I once thought you loved me, how wrong and blind was I, thinking about it, I don't think you ever loved me at all.
You cut me up into pieces like a raiser blade going through me, until you made me bleed.
You made it hard for me to love someone else but you don't stop my life anymore.
I should be used to you being unkind to me by now.
I have been there before you hurt me so bad.
I won't let you hurt me anymore.
This time Ant, I have put a brave face on.
Now it's time to get rid of that pain and anger inside me. 10.7.2009

I HOPE I WON'T GO BACK TO BEING LIKE I WAS AT THE AGE OF 27 IN 1997.

I am nearly 40 now, I should be a stronger woman now not weak like I was at the age of 27.
I am trying to stop myself from being as bad as I was 13 yrs ago.
I shouldn't have let you get to me, how mad it was me having a breakdown just over you having gone off with another woman.
I mustn't drink heavy like I did then.
We are over for good this time, there will never ever be a next time.
When I feel bad I must write things down poetry instead of breaking down. 
In my body and mind I must be strong.
I mustn't feel depressed or angry because of you. 10.7.2009

No MAN IS DRIVING ME MAD.

No man is driving me to drink.
No man is driving me to cry, I have ran out of tears to cry.
No man is driving me to end my life.
I will get through pain somehow and someway.
Last time you hurt me, I could not see the light at the end of the tunnel then things got better.
Now I believe things will get better again one day I will see a bright light again. 10.7.2010

YOUR TURN WILL COME.

I am so glad to have a great friend in you through good and bad times.
The way I am feeling at the moment, I am not myself.
It would not be fair to put my pain on to you.
I miss you so much but I am glad of the space we apart with the way I am in myself right now. I Need to get myself right again, I have done before, I will do it again.
I will spend as much time as I have writing about how I feel about you. 10.7.2009


JOHN KEATS.

John Keats was the first poet I came across who made me want to write poetry in 1997 at the age of 27.
I don't think I would have got over my break down with learning from John Keats' work, he taught me so much about poetry.
I thought I was alone in the world, I never thought that Keats had been through the same as me.
I read one of his words but I came out with a thousand words, at least it felt like it.
Drinking heavy is not the answer, your problems are still there the next day.
At the time I was very young but not very strong.
I opened the poetry book of John Keats, it was as if he died for me after he had broken down relationships too.
Time is a good healer and writing poetry helps too.
Not that we except every person to be affected the same to heart ache and pain, it would be boring if we were all the same. 10.7.2009

GETTING OLDER.

Getting older is getting wiser.
We should be strong enough to cope with life's ups and downs.
We should cope different to what we did when we were young.
It's the states of our minds. 10.7.2009

YOUR BACK IN TOWN.

Your back in town, that's alright as long as you look after your Mum more as she's not well.
I don't hate you but I don't love you anymore.
I don't I miss you, we had friendship in the end.
If I am honest I am scared that I may fall back in love with you but I don't want to.
You have dropped me down and picked me back up again so many times over the years.
Enough is enough, I can't take no more.
I don't know what I'd say to you now I have not seen you for over a mouth. 
Who would have thought that we had spend so much time together in fact too much time together, that our love has just died apart. 
I bet you never thought I would leave you like I did, did you?
I never thought I'd walk away from you but it's the best thing I ever done.
You just didn't know or understand how much I really loved you, even though I told you a thousand and one times.
Whether you know and understand now how strong I loved you, it's now far too late, I don't that way about you anymore.
It's only your own fault, you have believed and that I loved, I spend enough time with you for you to know how I felt about you.
I am not a bouncing ball you can throw around and pick up when you feel like it, I'm a human being just like all people.11.7.2009
LOVE AND PAIN.

The feeling of love is hard to control.
It's so hard to stop pain.
You can try to make things better but it doesn't always work.
Love brings you pain : pain brings happiness.
There must be a point when love runs out when you have suffered so much pain, then love very slowly turns to hate.
I think it's time for me to move on to love someone new but but pain needs to go altogether until I can love again. 11.7.2009

IT'S NO GOOD ME THINKING YOU ARE GOING TO CHANGE.

let's start again!
No more chances.
No more pain.
I won't let you hurt me again.
Let's change things this time!
No chance I have heard it all before, promises promises.
Let's put what went wrong right!
What am I talking about, I have tried so many times with you?
Let's stop hurting one another, we are like a pair of kids on the playground!
Why do we keep on hurting one another and going back to one another?
This has gone on for too many years now, this has got to stop!
I can't believe I fell for you again and again until I thought suddenly a change of thought, I don't love this man anymore. 11.7.2009

YOU USED TO BE MY MAN.

You used to be my man, you used to be the love of my life so I thought.
I don't think you thought I loved you as much.
If you have worked it out now, it's too late my love has run out for you now.
If only I worked out that you did not love me as much as I loved you, I wouldn't have wasted 15 yrs of my life on and off with you.
I know you told me you loved me but not as many times as I told you.
May be you didn't believe me but may be you didn't tell me the truth.
I must move on, you don't stop me from loving again but I will get to know a person first.
I need to get rid of this pain you have given me.
The worse thing was that you said in the end that you didn't know whether you loved me or not, that's why I had enough. 11.7.2009


MOST MEN.

Most men what is it about them?
They pretend to love you but they hurt you again and again.
They dirt on you, then they except you to love them again.
I can't promise myself I will never get hurt again,I have fallen for it a lot more than once again and again but at least it won't by the same man I have known for 15yrs.
I will have to tell myself no more pain off him.
If I hadn't of been a fool to be in love with you, then I would not have been hurt by you.
Once you feel love you can't live with or without it.
Sadly love and pain links together. 9.7.2009

VICTIM OF LOVE.

I have been a victim of love.
I have been a victim of men.
How many woman haven't been through the same as me, not very many?

Used
Abused,
you name it
I have been there.
Who has not been there?

Men have hard times with woman just like woman have hard times with men.
How much more can we go through?
I don't wish it on anyone, no one is the first or last person to go through it.
The nice part : love pain is horrible.
There again pain makes you become stronger.
We all want someone in our lives who wants and loves us for ourselves.
Nothing stops me from carrying on with life, I fall down and get back up again, I have done so many times before.
Nothing stops me from loving.
I am not the best of women but I am strong.
I do what I can to make the man I am with happy.
I don't want anyone to feel sorry for me but I just want to carry on loving. 11.7.2009

BE IN LOVE WITH POETRY.

Be in love with poetry, that's one love that doesn't run out.
Say what you want pen, paper, writing and words don't answer back at least not on the page, it's only your own words.
Let the readers think what they want but give them enjoyment in their reading too.
Your thoughts, feelings and fears only.
Drain any painful feelings out of yourself but also write about the good in life too.
Keep getting to know yourself by writing poetry.
Keep getting to know yourself before you get to know your readers.
Write your private thoughts down but don't have them published unless your readers enjoy your work.
Poetry keeps poets going strong through the good and bad of life.
Poet's ways of dealing with life is poetry. 12.7.2009

WRITER'S HANDWRITING.

Too much going on in one's mind to think about whether the writing is neat or not.
Now that I have written, I can see the state of my hand writing, I must type so that my readers can read it.
Can I read my own writing? Only sometimes but I know write as fast as my mind is thinking, then most of the time I get carried away.
What a state of my writing.
What a state of my mind.
Who wants to read my hand writing it's too messy?
Who wants to read my mind, there's too much rubbish inside?
I feel guilty about the things I write about but anger inside me comes out on paper not on people, only people who have hurt me.
Sorry to my readers whose read on paper, it's what's going on in my mind on to poetry
. 12.7.2009


GUILTY WRITER.

My mind thinks too fast for me to write or my mind is blank.
Love and pain the only things I write about, animals,home,family education, career, love and so the list goes on of the subjects that I write.
How many readers are interested in what I write?
Who knows! Sorry
Please let me know readers on your comments in an email, thank you.
You can write what you like, then I will reply back to you.
I am a dyslexic writer, words may have the right letters but not put in the right places.
My mind can work over time or not at all. 12.7.2009

LOVE HURTS.

you can't help who you fall in love with.
It's just accepting it if the person doesn't love you.
No matter what feelings of love is hard to control.
No matter how much pain is given, you don't give up until the feeling of love has gone.
Love is there as long as it wants to be. 12.7.2009

WHAT MAKES YOU THINK?

What makes you think I am free to love you?
What makes you think I still love you?
What makes you think that I can go through that pain again that I let you put me through time and time again but no more.
If I hadn't have walked out like I did, you would have still been walking over me.
I would be still sitting back waiting for you to love me again, I have been a fool long enough.
Now it's too late for you, it does not stop me loving again but I don't love you.
How much more pain do you think I can take? 12.7.2009

MOST POET'S LIVES.

Writing, drinking and smoking.
We love the stuff that's not good for us, as I sit with a bottle of Becks in the Moon Under Water in Wolverhampton.
Writing poetry whether we feel happy,laughing, angry, sad or mad.
( Why?)
Today I have been feeling down enough to write about what's going on in my head. 12.7.2009

IT TOOK YOU SO LONG.

What took you so long to to tell me that you love me when it's too late?
I don't think it has sank in that I have told you that I don't love you anymore.
For years I had always been there for you, in fact a lot of people had told me you weren't right for me but I was right for you, may be they were right in telling me that.
You may love me now but you will stop loving me, like you have a thousands times before, which means you have never loved me at all.
I have learned what you are like, when it comes to changing your mind about your feeling towards me, it was causing me pain and hurt.

Sorry, I can't go back to get myself hurt again, my trust is gone in you.
You should have known what you wanted in the first place.
If you love me why do you keep on finishing with me and going back to me, that's only pretending to love me when you don't.
I must have been blind to think that you loved me. 12.7.2010


IT WILL HIT YOU ONE DAY.

Why do you only seem to want me when you have been drinking?
When you are not drunk, you change your mind about the way you feel about me.
You change your mind as many times as you change your soaks.
Don't you understand that I am finding it hard to come to terms, i don't love you to built my hopes up , now I don't built hopes up with anyone:I never say never ever.
you have hurt me enough as it is, you shouldn't make it harder for me by you ringing me when your drunk.
It's no good saying you want me back when your drunk because you don't feel that way when your not drunk. 26th July 2009 

STOP FIBBING TO YOURSELF AND ME!

I understand you like your drink, don't a lot of us.
Now you need to cut your drinking down as you have a lot to take on at home.
Too much drink makes you do and say the wrong things.
When you drink far too much, your not yourself, your not you your someone else.
You say you want me when your drunk but you don't.
The drink is doing the talking not you.
Yes, I know when it comes to the next day, you have thought about what you said sorry about last night, the next day you have a complete change of mind from the night before.
Just be careful other wises you could be disbelieved when you are telling the truth. 26th July 2009.