Minds need to keep busy

 Keep the mind busy.

Never do nothing.
Boredom effects the mind.
Boredom makes you feel sad.
There's never any reason to do nothing.
Despite of the country going down money wise not everything costs in life, even though we don't enough to pay for what the country costs.
We must be thankful for what we have got.
I know some of us have less than others but that's life.
One way or another we are all in the same boat.
Money help but it's not all there is to life.
Life would be boring if it was all the same.
We would be too spoil and greedy if we all had our way.
There would be nothing left in the world then we'd be even more sad.
People who want everything all the time are boring and sad people.
People who want something for nothing need to get a life when there are people who loved to work but have good reasons not to.
Be happy for the good things accept the bad things.
Life is what you make it, only you can make bad into good.
If you wait you will get more. 26.4.2012 - 18.6.2012


 Guilt and regret.

 I just prepared myself for the worst.
 What I regret is you having to see and hear my row with him.
I didn't want to creative a row, I know it wasn't nice but I felt I had to speak my mind, I had no other way of telling him.
As weeks would have went on I would have felt even more tense been in his company, this wouldn't have been fare on you and anyone else so I thought I say what I was going to say and not come again.
As much as you and I may miss one another, I though it was far better I stopped going there rather than things getting worse because of me not liking him.
Some people I can accept, if I don't like them depending on what I don't like about them. 
He one of the very few people I can't stand sitting in the same room with, otherwise I wouldn't have said anything to him.
To me he has such a dry sense of humour but sorry may be it's just me. 
I understand that it's cause us to see even less of one another but I haven't given up on you and me.
I'm so glad that you haven't given up on you and me either.
 I will look forward to our time together whenever it will be.
 Even if I just see you around for a chat, however short or long amount of time is good enough for me.
It's not just all about me it's about how you feel too.
 Missing you may be painful but thinking about you is happiness.
 No matter what happens I'm hear to stay, no matter how life is or will be or and may be.
Even though I don't see a lot of you, loving feelings and thoughts inside me won't go away.

 Thank you for been there for me whenever you can.
 I hope you feel the same way about me too. 
 To prove how much I loved you, I will carry on accepting whatever life is.
 If I had stopped coming without telling you a reason, you may have thought I have gone off with another man.
I love you far too much to love anyone else.  16.5.2012 - 18.6.2012



 You give me happiness.

 You give me happiness.
 You give me light.
You brighten up my day and night when you turn on the light.
 Time seemed like forever until I see you again.18.5.2012 - 18.6.2012



 No greater feeling than love.

 When your happy in love you forget sadness.
 Too much love can be so happy that it can turn into sadness.
 To know I have you the sun always sun shine.
When I don't see you the sun isn't bright enough.
 It always rains without you. 18.5.2012 - 18.6.2012

  

 I thought you'd gone for good.

 I was so surprised to see you that night.
You made my light.
How wrong was I to think your feelings had changed towards me because of him.
Please forgive for worrying too much it's part of my disabilities and health problems.
I am glad to know that you still feel the same as I do.
I never thought you'd speak to me again let alone love me again.
I miss you so much but hopefully I will see you next time. 2.6.2012 - 18.6.2012


 Looking in the mirror, what do I see?

 When times are hard you seem to think they won't get easy but if you give it time some things will others won't.
 Not everything can be the same.
 You mustn't feel alone because you are not others go through not much different if not the same.
 No one can tell you other than you how you think and feel.
 They are so right you are so wrong but that's not always the case, there's a slim chance you could be right they could be wrong. 
 They know it all because they have all been there before.
 The truth is unknown, the whole world is blind.
The truth hurts when that's how you don't want to see your life but if you accept something else will turn out better than what you had in the first place.
  Feelings and thoughts are hard to control when you want something or someone.
No matter how wrong it may be you can't move until those feelings and thought have, the only way is to let go if you start see it that it isn't right, which the hardest.
It won't get better if it's not working.
 I never knew Keats was a poet.
 I had never heard of Keats before.
 I never knew his heart was broken just like mine but in a different time.
 I never knew he'd inspire me to be a poet. I was stronger than I thought. I coped with exams, stress, studying and depression.
 As a twenty - seven year old English student I walked along the college library.
 What did I see? All I I saw was Keats on a cover of a book looking how I felt at the time.
 I read his poetry of broken love, which inspired me because he faced near enough the same as me.
 I never knew he wrote about his feelings at that time.
 When I look at the picture of him it was as if I saw myself in the mirror.
 Until I read his work I had no idea that we had a poetry talent between us.
 I was totally unaware what book I was picking up and what to except inside it.
 Both of us lived in different times.
 I never knew he shared the same subject as me, romance and broken romance.
 That's when I knew I wasn't alone. He died of a broken heart,
 I didn't but I once thought I was going to. If he hadn't of inspired me,
 I believe my talent would have been unknown.
Ode To A Nightingale' is my best poem by John Keats. 21.5.2012

 It was a dark time.

 Back in October 1996 - August 1997 I drank heavy.
 Every time I drank I thought my problems would go away.
 Problems were still there the next day.
 I thought my loneliness would be there day after day for the rest of my life. I felt as if life wasn't worth living. I couldn't see the wood through the trees.
 Near enough twelve months of sadness seemed like a life time for me.
One bright side of John Keats he inspired me to write. John Keats work was the first poetry I came across in 1997 at the age of 27. 21.5.2012

Wake up.
Wake up, life would be boring there was happiest every morning.
Good and bad things can happen without a warning.
Do not dream, wish and hear things that don't happen.
You can't have your own way everyday.
The truth is how it is whether you want to hear it or not. 13.8.2012 - 17.8.2012

Dyspraxia
I could never do up my buttons.
I could never do up my laces.
I could never clean my teeth how they should be cleaned.
My moth is too small with too many teeth, food just get's everywhere it always has but I love it.
Exercise is hard to access when you have Dyspraxia.
I can't catch or throw a ball.
I couldn't even open a tin with a tin opener but then I discovered how to use the old fashioned tin openers after.
I love going to the pub, I'm useless with money then I over spend.
I have never been very good at maths.
I am more could with English and words but I even get confused there because of my Dyslexicia.
In a poem I can express my disabilities in a poem better than I can to people.
I am more skills with my writing and raising learning disability awareness than everyday living skills. 13.8.2012 - 17.8.2012

Wolverhampton City.
Either dead as a door nail or full of crime.
This city was once a  lovely town.
I still see it as town, it's too small to be a town in my eyes.
Beggars picking nub ends off the streets and begging people for money.
This shows how Britain is getting weak.
Britain is too over crowded, we are spending money we can't affront.
What has happened to Great Britain that's just Britain?
The council has wasted money on a bus station that doesn't get used because not all the buses go there.
Most of the buses are messed around around the town or should I say city?
It's hard to say what will the future of Britain will be.
Today's children don't know what's right from wrong, which causes crime, how will their children learn right from wrong?
Too many prisons full up and too many people committing crime.
Life should be the time for crime.
There are computers, internet, iPod s, mobile phones and the world is not enough or is it too much?
May be there's too much greed in the world.
There were more smiles on faces when we were just playing snakes and ladders. 13.8.2012 - 17.8.2012

Moon Under Water.
Cheapest pub in Wolverhampton for food and drink.
More people yet very dead.
May be not having any music takes away the atmosphere.
I guess we get what we pay for.
Friday and Saturday nights busiest nights of all.
Young people talking loud, screaming and knocking the shots back, may be I am showing my age.13.8.2012 - 17.8.2012

Changes.
No central heating.
Cold in classrooms wear our coats in lessons.
Play outside build a snowman and throw snow balls.
Games of Snakes and Ladders, Tidley winks and Frustration.
Get detention and lines if you were naughty.
The slap off the rulers didn't do us any harm.
Coal and gas fire.
Telephone boxes if no landlines.
Long walks in the snow to make phone calls.
Kids walking to school for miles whatever the weather.
Less traffic on the roads.
Prices were cheaper when look back compared with today. 13.8.2012 - 17.8.2012


Time to keep strong.
It's not just about my feelings, it's about your feelings too.
If enough is enough just let me know, even though I think so much of you I will leave you alone.
You don't have to give reasons why when I can work them out for myself, no one is in the wrong.

Sorry for what I have done.
I speak my mind and I speak the truth.
However you feel I need to know so if your feelings don't match with mine I can get on with my life.
If only I knew what is going through your mind.

Don't be scared to tell me it's not as if I haven't been there before.
Sorry if things didn't work out if they haven't at least we tried.
May be things didn't work out to what we hoped.
As hard as it is I had to be honest to you, I couldn't have lied to you.
All I know is that I miss you so much. 12.10.12

 Need to know the reasons.

I know I told you in the text that I sent you that I wanted to know the reasons why we have to part.
 I have tried to put the reasons out of my mind behind but I just can’t.

Sorry to say that I’m going out of my mind.
I need to know if I have done anything wrong, if so what?
I don't want to make you love me if you don't love me.

Somehow some way I need to move on.

How long have you been fed up of me?
Didn't I show you enough love?
Wasn't I there when you wanted me to be there or was I there when you didn't want me to be there?
I don’t want to force you into another you don’t want to do.
I love and care for you too much to put stress on you I love you so much I will need to let you go, which is hard to do.

Even though I have a rough idea of the reason why, I need to be sure I'm right in some cases I hope I'm wrong.
I may have done nothing wrong it may be something that's no one’s' fault.
I've always prepared myself for the worst because nothing has lasted for me in the past.
Take your time to tell me I will wait forever, I guess I only have myself to blame.
I feel as if I'm in a black hole, I feel so sad.
I know I have my conscience to fight.
All I need is a peace of mind.
I can't believe I've hurt the one I love so much.
I know I won't get anyone better than you.
The next one will be like the rest of them therefore it won't last.
I want to move forward not back.
I've blew it with it right one, which is you.  

Didn't I treat you right?
Put me right on what I did wrong so I don't make the same mistake again.
Right now I'm going out of my mind.
Whether it's in my face, letter text or phone please let me know.
My last love finished with me because I was around him too much.
Having learned from that mistake, I have tried so hard to be independent or have I become too independent?
I thought you'd like your women independent, we never saw that much of one another anyway.
Please tell me how I can keep a man happy?
I know I washed my hands of him, which caused us to see even less of one another, but at least I saw you for a little while, how should that affect us when he didn't know about us?
If I hadn't have turned up because of him, you may have thought I was cheating on you, that's what I wouldn't do. 16.10.2012

Time to move on.
Now that you have gone for good the days and nights seem longer than before we parted.
Even though we spend little time together when we were together, it's as if a big part of my life is missing, I'm missing you a lot more.
Although I will see you again some day as just friends this will take some getting used to, it won't be the same as before.
It's good to know that there was no lieing, falling out and cheating.
Don't worry it's not a lot different than it was before after all, your secret is still safe with me, just the same as it was when we were together.
I need to write poetry to keep myself stable and help myself to move on.
I need to accept what you want.
I don't regret a single minute of time we spend together.
I understand why it had to end but I wouldn't lie to say I would love to go back to where it was again. 30.10.2012

You turn on and off like a light.
I can take no more of your pain, your mind turns on and off like a light.
One minute your mind is rain then it shines.
I never know how long your mine,
If I take anymore of your change of mind, I will blew the fuse and go out of my mind.
You change like the weather winter, summer and spring.
If the water catches wires it will pull out the fire.
If I let you carry on, I will blow a storm that will rise to fire, 30.10.2012

Winter is coming.
The winter is coming; the cold is coming without you.
Dark mornings and dark nights as the cold frost bites into the morning light.
The days are shorter and the nights are longer without you.
Six mouth of winter go on forever after the clocks go back.
Time seems late than what it is because winter is so dark.
The cold is longer wihout you.  30.10.2012


Moving forward.
The door has closed but it's too cold yet for other doors to open.
It doesn't seem as if there are anymore doors to open as I have walked through them all.
If there' anymore doors to open they will open in the spring ready for the summer.
Walk into Autumn doors will close for winter.
The future is an unknown world. 30.10.2012

The stormy sea.

The boats are sinking as the tide goes in and out as people shout floating about.
Most people dream of living near the sea you see.
The sea can be a nightmare as well as a dream you sea.
It's not all it cuts out to be you see.
Furniture damage, power cuts and electrically going on and off.
As the sea stops rushing it will calm down in time.
The boats will peacefully float.
The sun set will rise as it shines surfing, slipping and sliding. 30.10.2012

Washing machine.
It seems as if the world is a big wash out.
The washing machine seemed to be going on forever.
The timer was only set for 30 minutes, as it went on longer.
It stooped just just before I went to the shops.
The door took ages to open as the water came out like a shower onto the floor.
I gabed anything I could to soak up the water quick as I could.
Strangely when I saw the news the same day, the Americans were up to their necks of Super Storm Sandy.
The stormy sea cusing damage to homes, power cuts, electrically going on and off.
Anyhting, everything and everyone in sight the storm will fright to fight. 30.10.2012

Halloween and Bonfire night.
Halloween and Bonfire night so near together as Halloween gets ready for Bonfire night.
It all happened on two very dark stormly nights not a very nice sight nothing very bright.
The creatures were stirred into the witches' pots for soup on Halloween night ready for Bonfire night.
Both nights were wet, rainy and windy not a pretty sight.
Halloween night is when the witches bite as they fly on their broom and kite.
Witches don't give up without a fright to fight.
Bonfire night is the night when the witches get burned alive on on the bonfire. 1.11.2012

I know the truth hurts.
I know  the truth hurts yet there's no one one to blame, which is a good thing.
Never the less the truth hurts to lose your love.
Through non blamed reasons the feelings are hard to go away.
Just because I'm calm with you when I see you it doesn't mean I don't hurt.
May be I'm wrong but all the same I still have a lot of trust in you.
I still want to be your friend even though I can't be your love anymore.
How are you feeling, are you happy or sad to lose me?
I may not have cried or showed any signs of heartache  but believe me it's all there.
I'm still strong but my emotions are there whether anyone can see them or not,
I'm coping alone because I've had so many heartaches before now.
All good things come to the end of our love.
To me you were the best better than all the rest and you still are.
If only I knew what was going through your mind,
I wonder how long it's been since you have gone off me. 5.11.2012


All good things come to the end.
Now it's all gone, there's no magic wand to bring us back together again.
I know nothing will be the same again.
Time to move on but the future is unknown.
Nothing has to go bitter.
Love doens't have to happen for us to get along.
There must be ways of facing one another without thinking about how we once were.
I have so many things to say to you.
So many reasons could be unknown to me.
I may be I'm thinking you could be hiding something away from me, how do I  know?
I can trust you but it's hard to know as I saw so little of you.
I may be wrong I just need to make sure.
What are your thoughts that are going through your mind?
Why did it take me to text you for me to find out it was over?
Would you ever have told me if I hadn't have texted you?
When would you have told me it was over?
How long has it been since you have wanted it to end or didn't you wanted it to end? 5.11.2012

No more.
I took on your world because I loved you.
The most hurtful thing is that I still love you.
Yes I had the chance to say no to your world but I liked you so much.
It even hurts now to lose you but I know you had your reasons to do so.
As much as I want to accept that it's over it's not easy.
Writing these poems keep me coping. 5.11.2012

I thought it was love.

I thought it was love but I guess it wasn't.
It was love that was just a dream if you know what I mean.
Whatever it was between us you were my sercert lover and dream
The dream seemed good while lasted, why did it stop?
It all felt so good at the time.
With my luck there seems to be no such word as love.
It's all just a dream love book.
Happiest is just a dream book.
Now it makes you wonder what life is all about.
If only I knew the truth of happness of falling in love because to what I have discovered it's never happned.
It was all in my mind, a dream and I was in a world of my own. 5.11.2012

Frozen.
The winter is frozen cold without your love.
Even though you saw me on my birthday, it was still not easy to see you again after the text message before my birthday.
Since then my world has been empty without you.
On the night of my birthday I didn't know what to say to you as I froze.
Although I faced you, I felt hurt inside, even though you told me the reason why.
Even now my feelings towards you are still here my dear.
I want to accept what you want, I don't want to give you a hard time.
The hardest thing for me is to get you off my mind. 5.11.2012

Now what?
How can I forget you when I know I should?
If only I knew how you felt about me.
If only I knew how you'd react to my poems.
Were both of us just a dream, if not why can't I get you out of my head?
Nothing seems to be happening now.
Was I just reading things when I read your text or was I just having a nightmare?
Something doesn't feel right inside of me.
Why do I feel so empty inside?
Nothing seems the same anymore, 5.11.2012

How can I forget?
How can I forget when we first met.
I didn't have a thought in the world.
I never took a great of notice of you been there yet I was facing another heartache.
Even when I sat next to you for the first time the thought of love wasn't on my mind.
Little did I realised that I'd even get talking to you.
Little did I realised that I'd get like you like I still do now.
Little did I realised that you would become interested in me at the time.
Soon as I felt the same as you did, I never wanted it to end.
Sudenly you don't feel the same way anymore now this is what I find hard to get used to. 5.11.2012

The way you felt about me.
The way you felt about me in the begining is different to how you feel now.
If only I didn't still love you like I do.
In time I will get through this just like I have had with others in my past life, it will just take it's own time to get used to you not being mine anymore.
Both of us have gone through this pain alone.
Not really me when I can turn to my pen, paper, computer and poetry. 6.11.2012

May be if I say nothing to you.
May be if I say nothing at all to you.
You won't know how I feel  about the break up.
May be if I don't take your thoughts and feelings into account either.
When we were to together nothing was said to anyone.
I'm here to share your thoughts and feelings if you want in hopes we are here for one another just the same as we were.
Our love was a secert to the world so is our break up. 6.11.2012

It was never to be.
I know I don't know what you are thinking.
The tears inside me I can't cry.
I know it hurts me to know that I'll never be yours again.
I thought you were the one for me but how wrong was I?
Where do I go now?
How do you think I should think and feel?
May be I shouldn't care less but the problem is that I do.
If only I could clear you out of my mind.
If only I could tell you how I think and feel with you thinking and feeling the same way. 6.11.2012

I feel so low.
I feel so low and empty without you.
How did I meet you?
How did I fall for you?
How did I get myself in this state.
Why did I build up my hopes that you were the one for me?
I remember I was going through with a heartache with someone else when I first met you.
Now feel the same now as I did then.
It never seems to end.
I don't want anyone but you.
Now I have tell myself that in time I will meet someone new just as I had to when I broke up with all the other lovers.
This is hard to believe to how I feel now, 6.11.2012


Don't think because I'm alone.
Only because I'm alone doesn't mean I'm free to love anyone for a long time.
As far your mind works, I'm not a free woman because you don't know I'm single.
I want to move forward not back in my life.
I don't need you to mess my head around anymore.
Now I'm staying away from you.
Don't think because I'm alone that I'm coming back into your life because I'm not.
I will make sure that you won't know wheather I'm single or not.
I'm keeping away from you so you don't get your chance to love me to hurt me again.
Love, you don't even know what the word love means.
May be I am lonely but it's better than being with you to hurt me all over again like you have so many times before.
How many chances do you want?
If you think I am wasting the rest of my life on you, then the news is bad for you.
I'm not giving you a anymore chances for you to love me to hurt me again.
I find it hard to forgive and forget what you did to me.
Why should I forgive you at all?
I used to find it hard to stop loving now I find it hard to love again.
Why would I try to love you again after what you put me through?
Now I just have no trust in you yet once I believed in you so much.
I should never have gone back to you, I should have known better than giving you another chance.
I may well now be single, which could be for a long time but not forever, I believe I will met someone better than you one day.
The longer I am single the more he will be worth the wait as well as the date.
I don't want to love you for you to hurt me again.
You confused my mind and messed with my head with your silly mind games not knowing whether you wanted me or not.
I want someone who knows what and who he wants.
Now you have lost your chance to love me again.
You knew I used to love you so much that you played with head.
After losing you it took a long time to get my life back together again.
Little did I realise that I was better off without you, how blind was I?
Everyday I used to hope that you'd change but you just got worse.
Just because I'm alone it doesn't mean you can touch me because I feel nothing for you.
Nothing at all.
You may laugh now because I'm alone, it may be a long time but I'm more than willing to get back on my feet again so I won't be alone forever.
You don't break me anymore.
I have got my life back together before, I  will do it again.
I feel nothing for you anymore.
You never loved me and cared for me as much as I did for you.
You didn't love me as much as I thought you did.
You didn't love me at all.
 I can't believe I loved a man for 13 and a half years on and off who didn't love me.
Our relationship was based on you lying about your feelings towards me.
I was too blind to disbelieve you.
Time to move on.
It's time for me to stop turning up on your door step. 5.11.2012 -
 18.11.2012

Percy Bysshe Shelly.
Shelly who loved the water yet he married Mary Shelly who wrote Frankinsine.
It's hard to think about Frankinsine comming out of water.
How strange to know that Shelly ended his life drowning in water yet his body was burned under ground with his ashes all over him.
May be Shelly's body may have gone to sea with his wife Mary if she didn't lay next to Frankinsine. 9.12.2012

Hiding pain with a smile.
Sometimes the world can know too much about you.
Sometimes we should be free to have our secerts and cope alone with whatever goes wrong.
Drinking may not be the answer but tears are too locked in the eyes to cry.
Keeping ones' self busy is keeping ones' self going.
Now it's too easy to fear the future.
Not wanting to be alone but not having to deal with disappointed ended love.
It's hard to know what you do and don't want let alone what's going to happen.
Try not to think about it, just get on with it with a smile.
May be it's easy to smile but hard to stop thinking about you.
No matter how I try I find my feelings for you are hard to go. 9.12.2012

Time is passing by.
When I look at the world everyone is in love but not everyone.
Now I realise I'm like a tricking clock tricking so fast years are racing by yet I try not to wait for things to happen because they take too long.
It's easy to understand why every middle age person feels alone.
It's too easy to think this is the end of you when it's not.
It's too easy to feel alone when the world is full of young love.
Your never too old, you just forget that you were young in love once but never thought about the older ones alone.
The future is hard to see but your life isn't over yet, it just taken longer to mend when broken like it used to. 9.12.2012

When everyone knows.
When everyone knows nothing and no one is your own.
They think you only care about yourself, which is not true.
This can make you so misunderstood.
When everyone knows everything of yours nothing and no one is your own, it's there for everyone and everything.
We should all have rights to have something or someone our own. 9. 12.2012

A brave face.

Stept into the world to show them your there.
Show them no fear even though you may have fear.
You are more than a stranger to them what they think.
You may worry more than you should.
The world may seem worser than what it is.
Once you have taken one stept you can take another one.
Nothing lost noithing gained.
Many things happen for the right reasons even they seem wrong. 9.12.2012

It's hard but I will get by.
Not that you don't feel to same about me as you used to.
I feel more lonely than I did before.
Don't worry, don't feel bad.
Who am I, I know I am no one special at all?
Of course you are going to love again one day so will I.
He's out there somewhere but I don't know where.
I guess I won't met him for a long time to come.
I believe he'll be just as nice as you but it's not fare to say better.
May be I live in fear of been alone but in fear of losing disappointed love again.
I guess I just except too much without meaning to.
May be I should except to be loved or live in fear of love.
This could be why every realationship has failed.
I should stop feeling sorry for myself, I know I'm not alone.
May be loneliness isn't my problem, may be it's the thought of getting old.
Then old age isn't a problem I hope I get wiser.
No rush to love again, I will take my time and won't be easy to get next time round.
Why should I go back to a bad boy after losing a good boy, may be I will get a better boy next time. 9.12.2012

Too scared to talk.
Too scared of saying the wrong thing even though one may mean it.
It may not be nice but it may be the truth.
One can be scared of the truth in a good way as well as a bad but then the truth isn't always what we want heard then we do, it's no good living in a lie.
Not wanting to hurt the feelings of others.
Not wanting to fall out with others because they can't agree with you and you can't agree with them.
Everyone has rights to their own views.
Not everyone gets along : not everyone doesn't get along.
Right or wrong you can't make feelings go away until feelings want to.
We all make mistakes : not all are mistakes.
It's what we say and do what matters, thinking is just thoughts not words. 9. 12. 2012


Understanding people.
The only people who understand we is we.
Freedom is important we without knowing it we control one another.
We are looked at as strange from strangers as if we have masks to cover as faces.
We are looked at as if we are wrong all the while.
We are looked as if we are not human.
We looked at if we are nuts and out of our minds all the time.
There's a fear if we are watched all the time.
As if what we do and say is wrong all the time.
A fear of been bitten, shouted at and hit because others don't see life like we do. 9.12.2012

Hard to trust.
To be able to trust is to know that there's faith that no one will judge you for what you do and say.
To be able to look at the world with ones' head up high without fear of strange looks.
It should be easy to believe on ones' self and others. 9.12.2012

Loving too much.
If you love someone let them be themself.
Don't try to make them love you because you love them.
One day your feelings will match with someone.
Be careful because many pretend to love you when they don't.
Don't pretend to love someone when you don't because then that's lieing in love.
Be yourself, others will respect you.
The secert is to not let them know you love them, let them work it out for themselves, even better unless you know for sure they love you.
They will hate you if you force their feelings to be the same as yours.
They willl play with your feelings if they don't match theirs.
Be brave enough to take the pain there are plenty more that love you.
The best love takes a long time to find out about.
Don't rush feelings to go away.
Feeling will go away when they are going to. 9.12.12

Failed love.

You may have given me pain but I gave you all the love I could.
The pain you gave me made me a stronger person in the end.
Never judge what you don't know.
You may have known me a long time but you don't know everything about me.
See what you see of me when the door is open but when it's closed the only person who knows me is me. 9.12.12

When I was awake I was asleep.
The voices I heard were shouting at me to wake me up as I was in my own world.
I think I was been asked questions that I didn't know the answers to.
The teachers wrote so much jargon on the board in school.
It seemed as if I never paid a great attension with the world around me.
This is why I learned noithing in school nothing at all.
They moved my table and chair to the end of the class.
Let kids laugh at me and bullying was hell outside on the playground.
They made me feel so thick and small that they all called me thicko.
For all the tablets I took, if I were still taking them my adulthood would have been distoried as well as my childhood.
Now kids and teachers I'm not the person I was, I've learned more since I left school.
In school I learned nothing at at all. 9.12.12

Why did you?
Why did you play with my mind?
Why did you make me cry?
You knew I told you I loved you that's why.
Now things have turned the other way round.
The only difference is that I mean what I say.
I don't feel the same towards you like I used to.
Your loss you never loved me when I did love you.
You only pretend to love me to keep me happy.
I can't believe I lived 13 and a half years with a lie.
Why should I care how you feel anymore because you never cared about my feelings when I had feelings for you. 9.12.12


Feelings.
I meant everything I said to you.
I only wish I said nothing at all.
I wish I kept my thoughts to myself even though nothing has been said ever since.
Sorry I said it at the wrong time.
I must move on to think that you don't feel the same as I do.
I know I got up set before hand but I have a lot on my mind.
I bet you wonder why I feel this way all of a sudden.
I have shocked myself to think it's sudden for me to feel this way about someone at this point. 12.12.12 - 23.12.12

Out of all poems.
I bet you'd be shocked to read what I have to say to you in this poem.
I bet you wonder why I have written this poem all of a sudden.
Out of all poems I have written this has not been an easy poem to write.
I have had to write a few poems to get to my point to accept the things I want and can't have in life.
Saying how I feel isn't easy otherwise I wouldn't have written this poem.
I have written this poem because I don't want to show you up in font of people in the pub. 12.12.12 - 23.12.12


It may not be as bad as I think.

Sorry there's no easy way for me to tell you.
I never thought I'd feel this way about someone so quickly.
I feel so silly because I don't know you very well.
I can't bring myself to tell you because you may not speak to me again if I do.

In a way I want to tell you but in another way I don't.

I don't want to make life hard for you but I would be lieing to myself and you if I said I don't feel this way.
I may be worrying about nothing.
I don't want to risk losing your friendship
I've tried so hard to block you out my mind but it's no good.
 I hope I don't find myself telling you one day.
I must learn to accept friendship again.
I don't want to spoil things in case you have someone special in your life.
Despite of the way I feel about you, I must cope with it because I have so much respect for you. 12.12.12 - 23.12.12

Finding it hard to trust you.

I shouldn't have trusted you from the start.
I'm so gald I didn't marry you.
Even now I'm not sure whether or not you were cheating on me.
Even now it's hard to say wheather or not you were unfaithful.
What makes me think this is that you were texting alot infront of me and getting texts back.
You made me feel very stressed and very uncomfortable that's why I won't have you back.
I kept on thinking this was a bad dream.
I may be wrong in what I did thought but the texts you sent and the texts you had back went on far too long because I loved you so much. 13.12.12

Just because I haven't cried.

Just because I haven't cried it's going to be a wet Christmas without you.
Eatting less affects my emotions.
The nasty things the others have put through the pain made me cry more.
The pain from you hurts more because there was no pain but it hurts more than things now won't be the same again.
To me your so special I try to tell myself next time I will do even better.
May the best of love for me has gone.
I can't believe that there may well never be another you.
May be I shouldn't have written this poem, If I hadn't I still would have been your love. 23.12.12

Scared of getting old and alone.

May be I shouldn't be scared of being old and alone.
May be I should be strong enough to take the not to love again.
May be the pain from others have made me stronger.
I must be weak to be scared to be old old and alone.
Yet I'm ashamed to be weak. 23.12.12

I'm a lot more down than I show.

Although tear don't cry the pain is deep down inside.
No emotions cried out.
A smile might be on my face but the pain and feelings are deep down inside.
Losing weight has now been my way of showing my emotions even I need to lose weight.
Eating less seems to be the way instead of crying.
If only I spend the time with you when you offtered me to.
Even though our feelings are still there for one another it wouldn't be right knowing that things won't be the same again.
Whatever I would have done I would have felt so ashamed.
It was a no win situation.
I didn't know what to do for the best. 23.12.12

When I first met you.

When I first met you to me you were just a friend.
I never thought I'd love you more than a friend.
Now that I have lost you I see no other lover.
Everything that was said between us we told no one else but ourselves.
May be I will love again but a long time to come or never at all.
It's hard to see the wood between the trees.
Take no notice of me I'm just so silly you see.
I'm just a middle aged lady feeling sorry for ones' self. 23.12.12

The future is unknown. 

It's hard to believe that someone special has gone out my life.
I didn't mean to make myself misunderstood.
How long will it take for me to get use to you not being mine anymore?
The future is so unknown.
After having been with someone as nice as you, it's hard to believe who could be nicer?
I may love again or never again.
May be 'm stronger and braver than I think to be alone.
The loneliness of getting old. 23.12.12

No going back.

No going  back where we were.
Our love was always a secret so is our break up.
I wonder who will be in my life next if anyone.
I wonder who will take on your world next.
Getting along with others without saying a word to the world.
How long will she take on your world for?
For me the situation wasn't a problem.
It was harder for me to know your feelings knowing I saw so little of you.
Yet longer time apart more to look forward to when we were together.
It was wrong to break when we had something going so special between us.
May be you you think I'm better off with someone who can spend more time with me.
Yet why would I put up with someone all the while when I have done it before? 23.12.12

Not the same.

Feelings far too strong but empty.
Thinking about you non stop.
Trying to keep my mind busy to accept the fact what I want back I can't have back.
Not the same without your love.
Can't eat as much as normal. 24.12.12

Hard to believe.

Hard to believe that your not mine anymore.
Hard to believe that I'm not yours anymore.
Yet our love is still there for one another.
Words I said I made myself misunderstood.
I just wanted to know if you still felt the same way about me as I do about you.
Why did you end our love knowing that we still love one another?
How much time together and apart didn't matter to me I loved you all the same as I still do.
May be it's you that can't cope with your own situation.24.12.12

If only I could stop myself from having feelings.

If only my heart would stop beating for you.
The more my heart beats the more it breaks for you.
I have to tell myself that we aren't together anymore.
Every time I full in love it always fails.
Love is a feeling hard to control.
Feelings are something that you can't rush to go away.
Feelings take their own time to go away or stay with you for life.
At this point is unknown how long my feelings will last for you. 24.12.12

Some things are better not said.

It's unknown when he will come along.
He will never know about you.
Now our love has gone there's nothing to tell.
Yet in thoughts our love is still there.
Thinking is different to speaking.
I will never cheat but I will never forget the love we had.
Our secert still stands as I said some things are better off not being said.
As wicked as the secert is it's kept a secert for safety reason.
A private reason to protect ourselves and people. 24.12.12

Mail and communication. 

Times are changing all the while.
It's hard to know whether communication is getting better or not.
From telegrammes to letters from letters to texts from texts to emails not forgetting faxes.
Whatever next to come.
Keep the clock ticking.
Keep the phones landlines and moblies without a sound.
Turn the volum of peoples' when voices down when walking down the street.
When you heard strangers shout it seems like they are talking to you.
Keep the texts coming in without a sound but keep the emails coming free.
Bring back the call boxes but no heavy snow.
Bring back walking miles to the call boxes so that it cuts down the traffic on the roads.
Traffic costs too much to run is to why the country's money is running out. 24.12.12

On heat hanging on the ceiling.

I sat under the light hanging on the ceiling.
The lamp shaid was shaking.
The heat was rising.
I was hanging.
The room span round and round as if I had a good many drinks.
I saw stars on the ceiling spining around with me.
I had a very bad hair day after I washed my hair.
It went from wet and curly to dry to fizzy as my hair felt the heat.
I tried everything I could to make it dry and curly but it was no good.
This was just me chasing dreams of freedom.  28.12.12

Bunny rabbit.

I'm a bunny rabbit.
I have stickie out teeth.
I live in a hutch.
I eat carrots.
I can see in the dark.
I get so bored inside my hutch that I run wild when I am out of it. 28.12.12

Treatment.

Living on medication isn't fun.
Feeling dizzy and in another world.
You can miss what's going on around you.
It's hard to keep up with the rest of the world around you.
Many medications don't treat you like they should you.
Some medications that right you right bright something else on.
If life is like this then what are we here, what is life all about? 28.12.12

Freedom of speech.

You are born alone.
You die alone.
The world is nice to you when you are born.
You have a lot to learn.
You have a lot of good and bad to face.
Not all rights are your own.
Self is belief.
To what you think isn't always what others think.
To what you say isn't what others agree with.
No one likes the same.
You don't always have the freedom of speech. 28.12.12

How humans can change.

Childhood is unknown to you but known to the rest of the world.
Everything is so new.
Welcome to the adult world.
There's so much to learn.
You know even less when you spend years in school not learning at all.
Society has told you you'd never get anywhere in life.
You believe others around because you are a child.
You are misunderstood so you feel very bad inside.
Your past haunts you so bad that you have to find your own way to express yourself to be understood.
Only then then society realises there's something about you after all, that is talent.
No matter who we are all good at something just most of us take longer to get there. 28.12.12

Unknown world.

Everyone is around you is speaking but your not hearing a thing.
No sound to be heard but people are making movements around you.
Not everyone understands everything about you.
You don't understand everything about them. 28.12.12

Dark world.

Nothing is seen in the world around you.
Sounds are heard everywhere you go.
You don't know when if you are going to feel anything and what you are going to feel.
You don't know what's going on when it's going to begin and end.
You don't how it's going to begin and end. 28.12.12

What is to come?

What is to come?
The future is hard to tell wait until tomorrow comes.
May be I will travel again when I am old.
I haven't worked hard enough yet.
May be I will be old when I see the sun.
For now my career comes first.
My career has been slow to come.
Now I am over 40 life is too short to waste.
You have spend your life fighting for your career.
It was never a career you thought of yet it's a career for you.
It took so long that you thought you'd be good for nothing and no one. 29.12.12


What next?

I have tears I need to cry that haven't yet.
One day I will cry over you but I don't know when.
New year is not long to come so is that sparking champaign.
Spring should be on it's way but they tell us we have a long cold winter to come.
The sunshine seems a long time to come if ever at all 29.12.12

See what tomorrow brings.

No one can say for sure what tomorrow is going to bring.
The future is hard to tell until tomorrow is here.
Sometimes we are right and other times we are wrong about life.
Like the weather people are not always right or wrong.
Look out the window to see what the weather is like when you get up tomorrow.
They say the world is going to end caused by the weather therefore we will either freeze or burn to death by sun or ice.
Worry and Stress is the wrost killer of all.
We think we have the whole world on our sholders when we are young.
As we get old we worry less.
I can still hear much older people say when I was young.
" Worrying get's you in your grave."
At the time I never understood that saying.
Now I see the truth in that saying because I just live my life day by day. 29.12.12

Poetry, Aniexty and depression.

It's poetry that helps me accept life as it is.
As long as I keep my mind busy.
As long as I live my life busy.
Like us all as long as I have something to look forward to I can cope with life.
I am down if I have nothing at all.
I can't fight Aniexty and depression without poetry.
I can't cope in life with nothing.
I get sad and angry if I sit all the time bored.
Helping others helps me along.
Poetry helps me let out my thoughts. 29.12.12

Without poetry.

Without poetry life would be more painful than what it is.
Without poetry I would look and feel silly for being down for no reason.
Poetry makes life as less as bad as what it is.
Poetry makes me see life different to what I'd be without poetry.
Without poetry I would never feel good about myself, I would be angerly about myself.
When see the good in yourself you see the good in others.
Life is what you make it in one way but not in another.
Each and everyone of us I believe have something inside us.
We just cope with good and bad in life in different ways.
Most of us think thoughts too much, this where poetry comes in.
I'm a person who has a lot of thoughts which have for many years put into poetry.
Without poetry I would have held too much back. 29.12.12


When I feel anger.

When I feel anger I don't want to live.
When I feel anger I feel stress and tense.
There are too many thoughts going through my head to a point I want to write poetry.
I need to stop myself from getting angry and depression mainly when it's for no reason but sometimes there are reasons.
I need to stop myself from doing and say things I regret. 29.12.12

The Mind.

This is unknown to think what we are going to think.
Unknown to why we think what we think when we think.
Most thoughts seem odd to others yet unknown why to the person who thinks those those thoughts.
Yet many thoughts seem odd to the person whose thought them in time to come.
Thoughts can be unknown like feelings can be unknown.
Some thoughts and feelings may last for life others may only last for a certein amount of time which either be short or long.
The thoughts we think can't please everyone.
What a boring world it would be if we were right and good all the time.
Not everyone is bad all the time even though a lot of us think we are. 29.12.12

Learning.

Learning is a good thing about life.
Without knowing it we learn something new everyday.
Some of us learn quicker than others.
Some of us learn slower than others.
As life is ending we haven't learned enough but better going through life learning nothing at all. 29.12.12

Too much to cope with in life.

The head spins round and round.
Everyone makes out no one knows nothing at all about anything at all.
Too many people say different things to one thing.
There can't be millions of answers to one question can there?
Too many things happen at once or nothing at all.
They want you in too many places at once.
Too many people talk to you at once.
At times life is just too much at once. 29.12.12

I am what I am as well as who I am.

I am what I am as well as who I am.
What I was born to be is what I was to be as well as who I was born to be.
Who I was born to be is me.
I learned to be strong minded with not a great deal of chioce in life due to my abillities.
Yet the change in me I don't think anyone or myself would be.
The person as a child and the person as an adult are two different mes.
It was hard for me to believe in me because others found it hard to see the good in me.
Now I have learned a lot in adulthood even though there's a limit of what I can do. 29.12.12

I think now the end has come.

It's too easy to think your life is over when being over 40.
A lot of break ups of marrages and relationships have late 30s to early 40s.
You stand and look in mirror to see what has changed in you not only the person you are in looks.
Too easy to think love has gone forever when your middle aged.
You tend to think this is the end but it's not in everyone.
That doesn't mean I am right because the truth is unknown to everyone.
It's hard to think of yourself growing old alone. 29.12.12

I try not to think about it.

I try not to think about being lonely.
I try not think about who walks into my life next if anyone at all.
Men have come and gone out of my life, I guess they will carry as they always have done.
Thinking more of moving on.
Thinking more of getting strong.
Thinking more of accepting as it is and however it's going to be.
Time is so unknown anything could happen at time at all. 29.12.12


As it comes.

Some things in life are just dreams that many of us try not to chase.
Other things in life are real life.
It can be hard to say which wrong and which is right.
The truth of the weather is unknown until you look through the window every day.
Really in this life nothing is sure or unsure until the time comes.
Life is like a ticking clock as it ticks to the hour through the day and night.
Life is like the weather rain, snow and shine is unknown until it comes.
This can work the same as tears, sadness and happiness.
We are born to live then die whatever reason why is yet again unknown. 30.1.2012

Complete year wash out to bring the New year.

2012 has been a long wet year even through the summer.
It's been a complete wash out with floods here, there and everywhere.
It's unknown what 2013 will bring us.
It's been a wet blow out in stroms and winds.
They tell us January 2013 will bring us the wrost winter for a 100 years let's just see it when or if it comes.
30.12.12

I know.

I know you still love me like I love you.
Love is not an easy feeling to let go.
How I made myself misunderstood in the text.
I was only trying to ask you how you felt about me.
You told me before Christmas that it was pointless us carrying on.
For who me, you or both of us?
I can wait forever long.
Is what I am saying right or is this your way of saying you don't feel the same way about me anymore?
Why not tell the truth to tell me you don't want me in your life anymore.
If that's the case it may hurt me but at least it may be the truth.
If you feel this way why was I in your life in the first place.
I wouldn't have known a thing if I wouldn't have known how you felt about me at the time.
Don't be scared to tell me the truth even though it may hurt me.
I'd rather know the truth even if you don't like me.
Please be honest with me too many men have played games with my mind when they knew I had loved them. 30.12.12

Don't play games with my feelings?

You know I love you so much so don't play with my feelings!
Ok we didn't spent time together last time but that wouldn't have been wise because of us not been together anymore.
It was hard to say no when I so much wanted to spent time with you knowing that I still love you.
It's hard to know whether or not you feel the same way I guess you did we'd still be together now. 30.12.12

New year 2012 - 2013.

Christmas has been and gone.
What's Christmas and New year all about?
To end one year and begin another.
Too much money is spent paying spenting all year round paying off the Christmas debts.
Christmas is a special day for children.
No fun for adults other than to eat too much and get drunk.
Soon be time to diet when the New year is over.
May be the world isn't all black and white.
Like a holiday so nice to have but nice to go home.
Nice to have a break but nice to go back to work. 31. 12.12

Start a fresh.

Make a fresh start.
What has happened has happened.
What's to happen is yet to come.
Keep memeories in your thoughts. 31.12.12

Let the old year out.

Let the old year out.
Let go of the past.
Keep the old diary and buy a new.
Shred old documents of 2012 unless they are very important.
Soon these dull bare winter trees will have a very few spring green leaves. 31.12.12

Last night of the year.

Drinking so many hours before the start of New year's day.
Wondering thoughts of what's happened all year through.
The old year has gone the New year is to come.
Here comes the Scottish bag pipes.
The coal fire is keeping us warm.
12am bring out the Champagne and Chandeliers. 31.12.12

Time.

It seems a long way off from one year ending to another year to end again.
Twelve mouth seems like forever but it's gone a bink of an eye.
New year's eve and day make the most of it and eat away.
Time to save ourselves for another Christmas and New year to come.
Every year flys by, it makes you wonder life passes by.
We are born to live then to die, it makes you wonder why. 31.12.12