I know someone  who used to be on JSA benefit which he had every 2 weeks

up to 28 / 11 / 14

JSA ( Income Based )

Weekly Amount was £165.95 per week

As you were reassessed for PIP ?

Weekly Amount is £72.40

Meaning he  lost £76.00 on DLA well PIP now,

Now he has lost  £92.95 on my JSA because of the Disability Premium being took off him week so in total every 2 weeks his benefit money has been took of him and affected in a total amount £168.95 .

He was putting £160 in his other account for other people to take out per month to pay things every 2 weeks out of the 2 weeks of my JSA which was £330.70 every fortnight JSA benefit which I have every 2 weeks

up to 28 / 11 / 14

Note his appeal is even more important now because he is now appealing to get my PIP Benefit but also to get my Disability Premium back then it will be put back on his JSA.

He was on DLA for 26 years before PIP came out and his DLA stopped, then he was told he was not entitled to PIP which also meant affected his JSA was affected.

He also has speech and swallowing problems. 2012 he had heath problems and had the peg feed put in. In 2013 he had trouble with his neighbors where he used to live. 2014 this PIP problems started. 2015 the appeal hearing but fingers crossed he wins the appeal.

There is a very big certain while he is now waiting for his appeal, He is at risk of a lot of fits and pass outs due to his Epilepsy, which is a big certain for others like him when they can have a lot of stress to set off fits and pass outs whether they have their money stopped and cut or not. However there is a big worry about people with Epilepsy having more fits and pass outs for those who have their money cut and stopped when they are waiting their appeal.

The government cutting vulnerable peoples' money seems to be getting far too much and causing these people a lot of stress while waiting for their appeals. 

Nearly goodbye to 2014.

I hope everyone has had a nice Christmas and happy new year to everyone. Like for everyone I guess every year 2014 for me has been a mixed year of good and bad. The best news for me is my nephew Jaiden having been born and my worst news is my long best mate Molly who died after I knew her 40 years we were mates from the age 4 and a half 5 in school. I know deaths happen but I have notice this there have been a lot of famous this year and many were still rather young it's completely shocking it is. There has been at least over 50 famous people who have died this year, many were too young but they have left their memory of their work that never dies, which is there talent. Just Google famous deaths 2014, which seems to go on forever.
Since I qualified as a private Advocacy worker from a Group Advocacy worker, last year April 201, my skills and confidence have grown more but I need to grown better. Having got disabilities slows me down and my Dyslexia doesn't help either but I'm lucky to work for such an understanding company.   The work has only been coming in every two weeks due to funding and the fact of been benefits when you can only work so many hours. All the same despite of my disabilities and Dyslexia I haven't done so bad apart from missing bits of out of the paperwork which they called me back in office to do which most places in the past have could say sacked so thank you 1 Voice for been so understanding.
What I hope for is a little bit more work coming in 2015 else where even if it's non paid just improve my skills and gain more confidence and hopefully pass my level 1 in my reading which failed twice this year.
I'm also a Learning Disability and Mental Health Awareness trainer for the University Of Wolverhampton Walsall, this  job only comes in once a month. I'm on the Expert Patient Panel educating the Student Health Professions on learning disability and mental health.

One thing in awareness training I hope to raise this year is Anxiety, Depression, Dyslexia and many other things. One of the big worries that have happened the last few year that there has been so many unnecessary deaths happen to vulnerable people when they have had their benefits cuts. Mostly due to the fact they hadn't enough money to eat and pay their bills, then they have been force to work they can't do without support due to disabilities and health problems. Every person's situation is very different, which depends on how long they have to wait for their appeal, which therefore many are only living only very little amount of money. It never seems to stop. Most vulnerable people find it hard to communicate in a way that many people without these problems don't understand, which therefore these people don't get treated how they should. Back 2007 when I started working for Mencap, 6 people with learning disabilities died under the NHS care. I know it isn't only people with disabilities and health problems but the elderly as well. Different people let down different ways I know and some worse than others. It's mostly the ones that find it hard to look after themselves one way or another, which is very big certain. Ok may be the government never needs to save money but these cuts are going on the wrong places and people.Yes I know it get's taken out on the poor as well.
All been well I will be having support off Job Change and EOS to get some more work, hopefully Job Change might be able to help me find some computer work, which is another one of my skills. I will be doing my Level 2 ITQ in computers this year and I did Level 1 in 2013 in Power Point and Word Processing. 

poems 2014

Poems 2014.

Happy New Year 2014.

New Year yet I am well behind in my poetry.

Christmas and New Year has come and gone like a book that's opened and closed.

Nothing seems to change yet time never stands still this life.

As the year ends it's another chapter in your life that doesn't always change at that time.

A new year and a year old to come then a new year becomes an older, closes then there's a new year again until the day we died.

It's so unknown why we are born as we are going to die.

When? Is a question of time? 1.1.2014

Now I need to sort out my life.

The years are rolling by.

Like us all I am not getting any younger but I only hope I'm getting wiser.

Time is running so fast but life is too short to waste.

There’s nowhere to run nowhere to hide.

I can't affront to waste any time but without meaning to that's what I seem to do, I must be going out of my mind.

Long before now I have for loves that were blind, in time I will see if I have got it right this time. 1.1.2014

You make me feel.

When I speak to you on the phone and face to face, you make me feel so special, you just have something that no one has and had.

You bring butterflies in my stomach.

You fill my mind with far too many loving thoughts.

You wouldn't believe how much in 2014, I want to see a little more of you than I did in 2013.

It's almost a year since I started chatting to you on the disabled dating site, nearly year my dear.

Nothing this life runs without any fears my dear.

Let's hope with you I will see my life and the world more clearly my dear.

My mind never stops thinking and wondering when I will see you again but whenever it is you’re worth the wait.

I know when each of our dates have been over when you go back on the train, my eyes fill up with tears of water flowing like the sea.

This is what you do to me, I miss you so much but if we wait long enough the time will be right in time.

This is how you make me feel; to me you are worth waiting for. 2.1.2014

Good 2013. 

I don't think anyone believed at the time that I wasn't looking for love.

One thing I never said that I was just feeling very low at that time but that wasn't the reason I ended up falling in love.

I started chatting to you on the dating site but to start with I saw you as friend then my feelings became strong.

OK, I went on the disabled dating site online, In the first place I wanted to chat to be people but I will honest at that time love was the last thing on my mind.

I spoke to a few people before you; I have to say that they weren't my kind of friends never mind my kind of lovers.

With what I had gone through before you, love was the last thing on my mind until at least a month after I started chatting to you.

As time went on my feelings started to get stronger towards you just after our second date in May, I have never looked back since. 2.1.2014

2013.

We had a fair mouth of summer last year we can only hope for the same if not this summer in 2014.

It was quite a change around after the complete wash out of rain summer 2012.

Therefore I was excepting a very early heavy winter the end of 2013, when I guess it's yet to come the start of 2014.

How strange we don't get a white Christmas very often now, which mostly happened long before the 2000s.

The 2000s have been full of fireworks and storms with so much rain it's been hard to keep the fire burning to keep warm.

No wonder we are depending on cent-re heating and the bills are running high. 2.1.2014

Last day of 2013.

I can only be honest that I haven't had a bad year that year.

Life is ups and downs for everyone not just you and me.

In my mind I had a good year thanks to you and my career.

Hopefully now its 2014 things can only get better.

Before I met you I was never really lucky in love, although I thought I was.

Feelings can make you hope and except too much which is hard not to do when you’re in love.

The last day of 2013 seemed hard to close the chapter or the book but I can only hope 2014 is even better.

Like everything for everything life is full of ups.

Life is full of downs, sad, ups and happy.

Ok things are getting harder and the world is going mad but life goes on until we die. 2.1.2014

 The way I feel about you.

Love is you and me.

You and I loving each other is the main thing that counts.

The best thing about each other is both of us.

No strings attached we don't run or control one another's lives.

We are our own people we are ourselves.

We love each other at the end of the day in each and every way.

When I spoke to you for the first time I saw you as a very good friend I never thought you'd become my lover.

Many people thought I was looking for love on the disabled dating, to start with what I had been through before I met you love didn't cross my mind.

The more I was talking to you online the more my feelings were growing stronger towards you.

Now the stronger I feel I don't want to lose your love.

I love your personality sense of humor but most of all I love you.

If only we could love each other more to keep each other warm. 21.2.2014

We need to get to know each other more.

We need to get to know each more.

We need to start dating more; my feelings like yours are getting stronger and stronger.

It's surprising just by chatting online a lot that we can create just a bond together that's so strong by talking on the phone, online and text.

Despite of living so far apart we still need to find a way of seeing each other not only to get to know one another but by having a loving contact together.

You have given happiness even in that little time we have spent together to love one another.

It's good to hold onto who we have who are each other.

I have learned in the end that no love has been worth it if they break your heart you haven't hurt me so far. 22.2.2014

I thought I had nothing and everything.
I thought I had nothing and everything before I knew you.
Despite I don't see a lot of you my life have changed for the better since I have met you.
Now you have become my work.
The only thing I miss is us holding one another.
I will travel miles to see you to love you.
I wasn't looking for love when we met on the Disabled dating site I thought I'd be just making friends with people.
As we got chatting our bond got closer and closer.
Our feelings got stronger and stronger.
Happiness of love helps sadness of ups and downs of life.
A lot of men are never happy with whom they have got but they become twice as sad when that love has gone. 22.2.2014

Love is.

We all think we know what love but then we don't unless we grow old together.
We all think we are in love; we are not unless we can handy eat and sleep.
Yet we can still dream even though we are not a sleep.
Life goes on with or without love.
There's no love without you.
I love you for you.
As we carried on chatting online my bond towards you got stronger.
To me you're so special.
You're always in my heart.
Life still carries on whether you there or not.
You are the purpose of my life.
Soon we will be in each other's arms. 23.2.2014

My love was blind.

My love was once blind.

Everyone could see in him what I couldn't see.

I must have been out of my mind as well as blind not to se see.

I must have seen years of dark then came the light.

I realized he wasn't the man I thought, why did it take me so long?

He wasn't love I hoped; I only dream t he was no love at all.

It took me so long to see that he wasn't love for me to be.

It may have taken me so long but at least I realized some day.

Better to realize some day than not at all.

Now thank goodness I don't feel a thing for this man who hurt me anymore. 23.2.2014

I was woken by the wind.

I was woken by the singing wild wind.
The rain and the wind seem like a big thing.
This has seemed to be heavy which such a pain on the window pane is.
The snow snowed with rain but didn't stick.
Hot summers have long gone.

Long cold winters yet to come.

The weather has a mind of us own just like we human beings.
Very few if not any stars in the sky like it used to be.
There are most things so unknown that so many questions are never ever answered in this life. 23.12014

I thought this was the beginning of the end.

I let it

walked away a long time before I did but my feelings were far too strong to walk away altogether.
In time I knew I'd walk away one day then I did, I just never thought I could.
It was only my feelings keeping me where I was.
It was my feelings that made me give him chance after chance.
He knew how much I loved him, he thought he could walk in out my life as much as he wanted to but he was wrong.
When he hurt me again I couldn't cope anymore.
When I didn't feel anything anymore couldn't cope because he didn't have me to love and hurt again.
In fact in my mind now he didn't love me at all he just played games with my mind. 24.2.2014

There's no perfect life.

Little time we have together we make most of every moment we have got when we do.
You’re far too special to me to not have you in my life.
Now you have become more than friend you are my lover.
Thanks to you babe I am happier than I have ever been.
You have changed my world.
Now matter how hard we try, there's no perfect life.
Good days, bad days, happy days, sad days, angrily and laughing days.

Meaning of poetry.

Meaning of poetry is words.
Most people see poetry as boring cause a lot of words are truth of very often not what most people want to hear.
Not necessary the truth is boring when there are things most people want to hear.
We can talk forever.
We can think forever.
We can write forever.
We can read forever.
Whether or not a poet's work is boring it's down to the poet not to be boring so the reader is interested but then it depends what the reader is interested in.
The truth is down on paper from the poet's mind and down to the reader's taste of lines in what the poet says. 24.2.2014

meaning of writing.

From the time the teacher hit me with the ruler because I forget to miss a line between the date and title in handwriting.
I had to write lines saying mustn't forget to miss a line between the date and title.
The school led me to believe I was thick because they didn't understand that I found it hard to learn.
In the end I wrote lines that came from my mind some even rhymed. 24.2.2014

So far apart.  
We may be so far apart but you are so close to my heart.
I love you so much as you love me but I miss you so much it hurts.
Words are just said by feelings.
Words are said by truth and make believe.
Words are said by how life treats us at the time when we say what we are saying.
How words make us feel when words are said.
This explains why there's no perfect or straightforward life.
No life can carry on without ups and downs.


It's so dark here I can't see a thing but I can feel something going on or someone moving about.
I can hear flying and flapping every time I move about so I must keep still.
I must keep calm and not scream and shout.
No way is there a mouse in this house.
As they fly they sense every time I breath.
Watch out as they may come out like a bat out of hell! 24.2.2014

I don't miss you anymore.

I don't miss you anymore at all.
I used to come see you such a lot now I don't want anything to do with you anymore.
I used to think about you all the time but now I don't think about you at all anymore.
I was a victim of your love but not anymore.
I once thought I'd got you out of my head now I write about you a lot to get you out of my head for life now that I have got you out of my life.
It's like writing lines in school when you have been naughty; I must get you out of my head because I feel nothing for you no more!
You are like an evil monster coming out at night the nightmare of my life.
Stop haunting my mind! 24.2.2014

The writer.

So many words are better off said on paper rather than speaking them.
Yet nothing seems to make sense on paper like it does in the mind.
The pen can't always write fast enough to the mind or the pen and mind may say more than they should.
What and how I write isn't about talent, it's just my way of communicating saying what's on my mind.
Saying what you want to say is all that counts.
All the same words are inside your mind.
I guess I'm just a person who finds it easier to write than speak but it was never like that when I was in school.
In school my mind was blank all the time not it's over loaded with thoughts.
How I say things is anyone's guess. 25.2.2014

Depression.

A sadness is a feeling with or without a reason.
If we are honest we all suffer from depression our way not know how we are going to feel each and every day, even throughout each and every day in our own way.
When you listen, read, speak or write the word depression seems so black and white.
Like the world the word depression isn't all black and white when one’s emotions can change one feeling to the other.
Most if not all of us get good and bad days.
We feel up and down in our own way.
It's not easy to understand life.
It's not easy to understand the mind to why we think what, how and why we do.
It can be hard to understand each other too.
In the end we make life hard for each and ourselves without meaning to.
No one can say how long or short the bad times are. 25.2.2014

Words.

The words I write come from pen to paper then I type.
No thoughts of talent, writing is just another way of saying what you are going to say.
There's no easy to communicate.
There's no easy way to understand.
Each and every of communicating is different.
What's written and read counts.
Writing is just writing your thoughts until you can think no more but then with time thoughts come back again.
You can't think forever.
You can't write forever.
Write away until the ink in the pen runs out, very often when you change your pen thoughts are forgotten or new thoughts come. 25.2.2014

Everyone has words.

The ink is running out in the pen.
Everyone has thoughts and words that come and go through the mind.
You don't need to be special, famous and you don't need to be talented.
Just write what's in your mind and what you want to say, and then it's done!
Don't think about what's going to or not going to when you say it, what happens.
Stand up to those who won't give you a chance in life, to those who won't give you the time of day.
Show them you are you. 25.2.2014

I lost my words but I am making them up again.

I lost my words in my mind because I had to turn my mind elsewhere.
Now I am back to tell over a thousand words more before I stopped writing.
It's not about chasing fame and money it's about the interest in my mind.
What are your thoughts when you read my words that come from my mind?
Everyone has a book in their mind it doesn't mean everyone will write a book though.
Why we have the stress of everyone knowing your business of other parts of your life?
Too much stress when you’re poor to get rich.
The interest what matters.
Whatever happens? 25.2.2014

  

John Keats.

The heartbreak of whatever was going through John Keats's mind for him to have wrote the poetry he though must have been the only way he coped with his life.
When I first picked up his poetry book I hadn't got a clue who John Keats was and what he wrote.
Despite of my interest in writing I have never been much of a reader but then John Keats’s work inspired me a lot.
Thought of poetry never crossed my mind till I read John Keats's work one of his words inspired me to write over a thousand of my own words.
My work isn't poetry or talent, its words and thoughts going through my mind.
I shouldn't have had to be inspired by anyone because John Keats was going through the same thing as me at different time, I just didn't think of writing words until I read John Keats's work. 25.2.2014

I could see it coming.

I saw the black and grey clouds under the sky the other night.
The clouds move up and up one by one through the sky.
I had a feeling the storm was breaking but I went to bed from then on so I never knew whether there was rain or not. 25.2.2014

I should have seen.

I must have gone around with my eyes closed.
If only I knew why I felt the way I did for him.
If only knew why I loved him for so long and so strong.
I don't know why I put myself through such good and bad.
How could I have thought he was the man for me?
I won't be the first I won't be the last to be blind to love. 25.2.2014



My reply to Tony Ben's speech.

There are too many people in the British government who do not tell its people the truth.
There are too many people in the government who breaks its peoples' promises.
It does not cost them money to kill us but it costs them a lot to keep us alive.
They are in the wrong job because they are so greedy and tight with money.
They are in the wrong are people who make promises what they don't keep.
Tony Benn was one of the very few mps who told the truth, he wasn't tight and greed and he kept his promises to us people.
Those of the government who makes their peoples' lives unhappy are not happy themselves unless they make their peoples' unhappy who is us.
They truth hurts them because they know they are in the wrong but very few are in the right.
A few in the government do not make their people unhappy. 14.3.2014

The government.

I don't mean to bore you reader I hate writing about the government as much as you hate reading about them.
There again your voices have the rights to be heard.
As a learning disability, Mental Health awareness trainer and Advocate the government sadly comes into my job.
Those in the wrong can’t face the truth.
They are cowards and they know the mess they have put this country.
They are tight and greedy with money and making cuts all round the country.
They need to know what it's like to be disabled and ill.
They need to know the lives of disabled and ill people are as important other peoples.
There's a feeling of disabled and ill people being blame for the way we are.
No human asks to come into the world let alone be disabled and unwell.
We just need the rights of the help and support we need.
We want to work more than most non disabled people want.
If it's lift to the government they will let us work without support that we need yet if anything serious happens we would be still be blamed by the government, which is always the case.
I am just writing it how it is. 15.3.2014

Appeals.

What bad situation to put vulnerable people in.
With people win their appeals or not they still have to pay back loans if they have used them before their appeal.
This can bring people back to square one without having their benefits cut again.
People worry about whether or not they are going to manage, no wonder so many people suffer from Anxiety and depression.
This stress is far too much for people.
What is this government thinking?
They must all need their heads testing.
To put such vulnerable people who are in big danger of getting into debt and losing their lives mainly when a lot of people don't have any help and support anymore.
What about those people who really can't manage their own money yet they have lost their help and support?
This is a big crisis for all those who have lost their money.
Those who have lost and can't manage their money. 15.3.2014


I have overcome you.

You loved me then you left me.
I only thought you loved me but I was wrong.
You chewed me up and spat me out.
You built my hopes up to make me believe that you will always be mine.
You promised you would never hurt me again.
In time you accepted me to have back in your life again after you left me.
No way I have given in with you too many times, how many chances do you want?
I can't keep on going back to you again and again for the rest of my life.
I can't let you hurt me again
I have no trust in you anymore like I used to do. 27.4.2014

Sometimes life is hard.
It's hard to let the good things go even though there may be a good reason to do so.
It's too easy to fall for the bad if it feels good.
Love is a hard feeling to control until you can't take anymore of the bad.
Yet not many of us get it right.
Life is unknown until you find out yet it's too easy to let feelings take over your life.
Some of us fail all the time and never get it right but others get it right after a long time.
Not many of us get it right first time.
This poem isn't all about love this poem is an example of anything in this life.
It's hard to make the right choice, the right choice and choice that we want could be two different things.
Life is full of the unknown until you find out even then feelings can take over you until you can no more.
It's just taking the chance of what happens in life. 27.4.2014

Unknown chances to take.

Shall I turn left, right or center?
There's no saying whether I am right or wrong, I will just need to take the chance.
It's hard when something feels right yet it could be wrong.
Life is a chance to take.
Unknown whether you have made the right or wrong choice until you give it a go. 27.4.2014

society is blind.

Society is blind not disabled people.
Society is blind to see what we can but they only see what we can't do.
Society doesn't see the talent we leave behind until we leave this world.
Society wishes they saw our talent but then no because it's their time to get money out of us.
Life shouldn't be all about money, it should mostly be about the talent shown in us but then yes we should some credit meaning praise for what we can do.
Oh yes how wrong I am, yes disabled people do have some kind of life but not the kind of life that most non disabled and healthy people take for granite. 27.4.2014

Faith in people.

Anything is possible in life, if you have faith in people.
If you have faith in people they find it easy to have faith in them.
This means believing in them.
If you bring people down all the time, they will bring themselves down all the time.
People will think badly of themselves all the time.
There's good and bad in everyone in everything about them.
No one needs to be reminded of the negative side of life when it is facing them without anything being said.
Life is stress enough without being reminded about the negative all the time.
We need to be reminded more of the positive side of life to keep and feel strong in ourselves to cope with the negative. 27.4.2014



when you’re disabled.

When you’re disabled it's as if society treats you as if you are no one.
You are looked down on as hard work and costing too much money.
It's as if the whole world is against you but not everyone is.
It seems as if everyone is blaming you for being disabled and ill as well as been born.
It's as if everyone thinks negative of you but not everyone does.
Some people wrap you up in cotton wool but others put you in situations you can't manage.
Most people treat you as if you don't want to do anything but there are many people with nothing wrong with them who don't want to do anything at all.
There's so much misunderstanding in this world. 27.4.2014

I will still be here.

I know it's hard to explain because I will see you even though you won't see me.
I will still be here but I know it won't be the same for you.
I don't want to leave you I really don't.
If I am taken from this world, it will be no choice of my own.
I may not be moving around but I will be there in your history and memory.
Love you so much and always will.
Never say never because no one knows for sure what will happen.
 1st June 2014

Good and bad in me like everyone.

It's just my way of coping with the stress and worries in my life.
It's so wrong, selfish and bad I know.
I just don't know way of coping, which is selfish we are all in the same boat.
I'm aware there more than likely be no looking back, I'd be so lucky to get a second chance to life.
If I get my life again I mustn't abuse myself to death.
Very often depression is something no one knows who doesn't live with it yet it's hard to explain why feel life is not living.
Well you go through well spells when you feel yourself then you start to feel a sense of shame and guilt of what you are putting others through who know you and love you.
I don't want to leave anyone sad then I'm no one special.
I'm not begging for forgiveness of my guilt and shame.
It doesn't make it right but there's good and bad in everyone.
I accept no credit to praise for my talent, it's not talents it's my words and thoughts that can't please everyone.
No one is liked or and loved from the whole world.
Only true words help me cope with my life through the good and the bad.
I'm not chasing money and fame, which is no game and joke.
My words are there for those of you who want to read them.
I'm no one special because I have a way with words.
Good or bad they are my true feelings and thoughts.
I don't lie about anything that's true but my stories are in stories.
My words are nothing worth spending money on just read them if you want.
Some of you may agree others may disagree but not all the same in everything I say.
I'm not perfect because no one is but I'm not a completely dull person either.
I'm just human like all of you. 1st June 2014

Time to fly.

When you hear the wind and the rain think of me flying the air but remember I'm no one special.
Read my words to see how I look at life.
You might not be always being happy with what I say but they are my thoughts and feelings to life.
Everyone is different in how we think and feel about life but others may think the same as each other but not all.
Think of me as a bird or a kite or even both.
I don't except you all to like.
No one can be liked by everyone.
There are different people.

There are different tastes.

There are different styles.

The world would be a boring place if it was all the same. 1st June 2014

Memory for you. 

You will hear me blow with the wind when the wind blows the trees from left to right, side to side.
When the wind is blowing really wild the rain, wind and storm.
Think of me as a bird, a kite or both whether it's day, morning or night.
No one will know where I am, between you and I, I will fly to the moonlight.
I may not be gone I may be soon with you.
I may move from the moon to the sea from night to morning.
As you see me, think of me how I look at life.
Don't ever think I don't understand or care how hard it is for you.
I just might be yet to be with you for a long to come.
It never makes sense that we are put on this earth to not to be here again.
From children to old people yet some of us don't become old. 1st June 2014


Anger with the wind.

May be I was wrong to think you left me for someone else.
May be it was all in my mind but then you were messing with my mind.
Not knowing whether you loved me or not.
You said you loved me again when I stopped loving you but then I loved you for so long.
I don't think you can cope with me not anymore being your victim of love.
Yet if I did still love you, you wouldn't love me, it was like a game hide and seeks or cat and mouse.
You knew had to make me angry like the stormy rain and wind.
You make me sad because I loved you for so long yet I had to stop loving you to walk away from you altogether.
I hate feeling anger towards anyone but you have made me that way to a point as anger has turn hate which is a very strong word.
It's like you have kicked me inside and cut me up like a knife. 1st June 2014

It must have been all in my head.

The signs made me think you were cheating with having two mobile phones.
You didn't give me the number of what was your new phone at the time telling me it was a business phone, how silly was I to believe it at the time.
I must have been out of my mind.
Hiding under the table in every pub I met you in.
Why did I waste so many of my years of my life with you?
How could have loved you so much?
You let me go; you let me slip out of your fingers not the other way round.
It's now too late; I have no love inside me for you anymore.
You only have yourself to blame, even though cheating on me may be in my head but then you were loving me and dumping me.
I have no proof to say whether your cheating or not but if you were, you wouldn't tell me the truth so how do I know?
You just didn't want to get found out or and caught.
I wish I knew whether or not the truth would come out sooner or later.
How can I say either way when even though I don't want to accuse you for something you may not have done that doesn't mean I want come back to you?

No way am I letting you mess with my mind again mainly when I don't love anymore because I'd be lying if I said I did.

May be it is in my head but the truth is your not the man I once thought you once was.

That was a show and all false. 

not have done that doesn't mean I want come back to you?

No way am I letting you mess with my mind again mainly when I don't love anymore because I'd be lying if I said I did.
May be it is in my head but the truth is your not the man I once thought you once was.
That was a show and all false. 
end.
In the end I felt so unloved.
Getting you to understand how much I really loved you was too much hard work.
Now it's far too late because I don't love you anymore. 24.6.2007 - 24, 6.2014

Can't believe you’re gone.

Here I am still writing this poem about you.
Even though I knew you were unwell, I still can't believe you've gone.

Even though I didn't see a lot of you through our adulthood, I can believe I won't ever see you again.
I only wish we saw each as much as adults as we did as kids.
It just shows you learn life is far too short yet when you’re a kid, you think you have got all the time in the world just like we did.
We had always been friends and we always will be even though you have gone.
Molly my longest friend ever since I was very young.
We went to school together when we were so small and so young.
We are the age as each but I can't believe we won't see each other anymore.
I can't believe I knew you for forty years then suddenly you have gone.
To me there's no friend like you, Molly.
The friend  who carried my clothes out of school in the hot summer of  1976, when I thoughtlessly took my clothes off at the age of six and a half. 30.6.2014

I thought I knew him.

There was nothing good about him when I think about it now even though at the time I thought he was wonderful.
Now I realize how wrong I was to get with the wrong sort yet it felt so right at the time.
I was waiting and hoping for too much at that time, it did me no good.
When I think about it now I shouldn't have fallen for him at all.
My feelings were far too strong to say no and walk away.
Yet now I feel nothing for him at all.
I thought I understood him but I didn't yet I loved him so much at the time.
I thought he was so good at the time but he wasn't, our love was so blind.
I thought he would be always being mine.
Twice he walked out my life.
 Over the years he played games and messed up my mind.
Yet I wrongly thought everything was fine.
I was so madly in love with him at the time.
No one in your life is forever.
No one completely loves you.
I was so young then love was blind.
It was such madness that he never knew whether he loved me or not but I got fed up of that in the end.
In this life there's no warning of the human mind.
There's no warning when love starts.
Unknown is finding out for one's self.
Nothing led me to fall for him other than love.
I only wish I hadn't of loved him so much.
For a long time we were falling apart but I was too blind to see.
Now after a long time I have learned to build back up that love and trust to love someone else.
My love now like my love before is so unknown, I'm yet to find out even though I love him so much.30.6.2014

I never wanted things to end how they did.

Sorry to hurt you as I did what I had to do not what I wanted to.

You may not believe this but I didn't want it to end this way.

In fact I didn't see this coming myself.

I didn't want us to have an on and off relationship.

I am not saying it would have been an on and off relationship but I’m worried just in case.

I know we have our rough patches and problems that which hasn't been either of our faults.

This hurts so much, to be truly honest I have never had to anything like this with anyone before, why with the man I love so much?

I understand due to my worry and Anxiety if I misunderstood what you said, I’m so sorry even more so if that has happened.

I did what seemed right otherwise it would have been all playing on my mind all the time.

I decided to end the contact with you because I love you too much to just stay friends but then it’s hard me to end the contacts all together so maybe we could email instead to see what the future brings.

All the same I have not deleted any of your contacts, I will never do that even though I said to stop contacting.

I know and even though it doesn't make sense that prove that I didn't want to end the contacts and it proves I don't hate you and never did and never will.

This is really hard because I don't want to mess you about because I know what feels like because I have been there myself before I met you.

I only wish there was a way we could work these things out.

You might not think it  but I have hurt myself as well I am even more hurt that I have had to hurt you and we both have to get use to this, which I know very is hard so please don't think I am not hurt too.

Like I said down the phone on Monday I don't hate you at all in fact far the opposite.

Naturally we wanted a future together and to get serious. Nothing I wanted more than to make a big happy difference your life and mine.

I Know I have said many things to you in the past but they are things I wanted as well as you and it took me this long to realized if we hadn't had what we hoped we could have upset about it.

I am very sorry that I am at fault for not working this out in the first place but when you are in love and want to be with being with a person I still with you, it's too easy to hope for too much.

I suppose we could carry on emailing each other and see what happens. If it doesn't turn out to what I'm worrying about then may we go back slowly or contacts we had in the first place.

Like your contacts I have will never be deleted. May be it will help to accept things either at least me anyway meaning friends or relationship.

No disrespect to you.

Don't get me wrong.

I understand things you say on the phone there are things I don't so at least in we are emailing there's fair chance, I will understand everything say and mean.

Hopefully it will help us contact each other the ways we

Used to.

Don't think that I don't know what you're going through because I am going through it too.

I have there before I met you. I am so sorry I had to do this and I know saying or anything that would have would have things.

There can be a big difference between what we want and what the right thing to do is.

I had to do this because we were getting more and closer to you.

Yes I really wanted us to get closer to you but we live too far away from each other.

Like I said in the texts on Sunday night despite of everything going on, I did mean that I am very grateful for the time we had together and the things you bought me I would have never except, I still see myself as the luckiest woman out.

Well I hope to hear from you by email soon whenever you get time and if you want to, I think we should let the relationship come back naturally if it's going. As play writer William Shake peace used to say, to be or not to that is the question. Well what is the answer to the question? My answer is,  If it's to be it will be if it's not to be it won' be.

Without realizing and without meaning I guess hoped too much too quickly.

Let's have slow contact like email to start with and see how that goes and if it goes OK then may be texting then phoning then may be back online like we used to but that's up to you as well as me.   2.8.2014

Answers to your possible questions.

You must be wondering why I walked away from you when I love you so much.

Naturally I didn't want to walk away from you.

You must think I am reacting as if nothing has happened.

You may think I have no care in the world.

I don't expect you to believe me but I'm as hurt as you.

I really didn't want to upset you and I'll upset myself too.

I never planned this to happen and I didn't see it coming to us.

There was nothing more than I want us to last.

Many other things I wouldn't have stepped in the way but my Anxiety got the better of me not over you but our situations wth other parts of our lives.

I couldn't live with not knowing what the future holds, even though no one knows.

Without letting anyone control our lives, people do have the right point of saying that it's hard for us to have a relationship when we live so far away from each other.

Despite of us living so far away I wouldn't have thought my feelings would be too strong for friendship, which is why I said to end the contacts.

As much as there's no rush to get together, with us being so busy in our lives could delay for us to get our relationship together.

Yes I should have realized it in the first place but I loved you too much and always will.

Sorry I am to blame but then I shouldn't be to blame for loving you, there's no answer to that is there?

I'm so sorry I should have seen it coming.

Even though we weren't excepting to live together, I should have know it's hard but then my feelings towards you wouldn't let me accept that, no I have to fight it before it's too late.

Despite of my feelings being too strong for me to be your friend, I will still have email contact with you and let the future happen naturally however it's going to happen. 3.8.2014

My love for you is far too to be your friend.

It seems so strange and dramatic to why my feelings should be so strong towards you despite you live so far away from me.

You wouldn't have thought my feelings would have grown so much but they have.

This is why I decided to end the contacts between us, which are what didn't want to do as well as not wanting to end the relationship; I guess you and I will understand what I mean.

This why both of us have to live what's happened even though that's not what we don't want to do.

Despite of what I have been through my life, this is the hardest thing in the world I have had to do, even more so as I hadn't want to.

This is the first time in my life I have had to do something like this and really truly hurts but then the truth does hurt.

I have never felt so much shame and guilt in all my life, even though it may be the right thing to do.

At times life can be unkind because situations may not be right but no way is anything wrong with you and that's the complete truth.

Saying that I will try everything I can to keep my email contact with you because no is to blame for what's happened to us other than life been so unkind to us.

I need to fight to see what happens naturally because no one is at fault and I have no reason to hate you but then I feel a lot more than like, which makes it very hard to let go altogether, which I don't want to do.

I know this isn't fair but there's no easy way of saying this to you.

If only we lived closer in the first place then maybe we wouldn't have faced the problems we do.

Yes I know there are more reasons to this break up than just living so far away but neither these reasons our fault just the way life treats us but no one knows what the future holds. 3.8.2014

Why I had enough.

Why I had enough of you are because of your mind games.

Sorry to say I couldn't live with you changing your mind with what you want and don't want all the time.

Don't tell me you were confused when you know yourself that was an excuse!

The more I loved you the more your minds games hurt me; thank goodness I stopped loving you in the end.

I don't know how I loved you as long as I did.

Now that I have walked away, you can't cope with me not feeling in love with you because you have no one to hurt anymore, it's far too late to say your sorry. 3.8.2014

I'm so sorry.

I'm so sorry I completely misunderstood you.

I'm so sorry that I was wrong to think what I thought was going on.

I don't except things to stay the same between us after I over reacted so much.

I hope we can carry on emailing each other to see what the future brings but I'm not forcing you to do anything you don't want.

I'm sorry I thought what I thought.

I just thought I'd never see or hear off you again.

Yet I could be so wrong yet so right.

I never thought we'd have the chance to see and contact each other again.

Yet I may have lost everything through worrying too much.

I can understand if you walk away from me for over reacting but as you know I'm just an email away.

I love you all the same whatever you decide.4.8.2014

Time to move on from what's happened.

Let's not look at what's happened as a break up!

Let's look at it as a complete misunderstanding my part!

Let's not chase the future to come but try learning the right things from the wrong things from the past.

Let's see what happens naturally in the future!

Let's not wash our hands on one another!

All what's happened is water under the bridge, it's what's going happen matters now, and don’t you agree with me? 5.8.2014

Changes in times.

I stared off my life without mobile phones, I pod, and I pad and kindle.

I started my life with frustration, snakes and ladders.

Doesn't the forty plus years seem like big changes?

Where do these forty plus years go?

My Mother washing my nappies by hand to having a washing machine.

Doesn't it make you wonder what life is about? 7.8.2014

You thought you hurt me.

It seemed at the time that I was a victim of your love for the rest of my life.

You may be have thought you had tore me apart, that's just what I thought at the time butt we were both wrong.

At the time it all seemed like the end of the world but in the end it wasn't as bad as I thought.

In the end you lost and you didn't achieve what you wanted at all therefore I win.

You may have thought you had the last laugh but you didn't I did instead.

You weren't planning to do me any favours but you did.

In the end you made me a stronger minded person, which you didn't want to achieve at all.

You wanted to knock me out dead as you thought you'd knock me out as you pushed me down, little did you hoped that I'd come back up.7.8..2014

I forgot the poems I wrote.

I lost the poems I wrote somewhere.

Therefore I forgot the poems I wrote and where.

What a quiet year this time of year when people are on summer holidays yet not many of us have the money to go.

It's space to write my poems but not knowing what to write. 7.8.2014

Only because.

Only because I love you, it's all quiet on the Western front.

I'm so sorry I misunderstood you, which almost broke us apart.

Now my computer is here but still quite a few things to set up.

Now the summer holidays are there's now very little work.

I'm still waiting for my exam results yet they posted them on the 29th July 2014. 7.8.2014

Nothing has changed between us.

Come and see me when you can and want whether we are friends or lovers.

Despite the misunderstanding on my part, I've grown so fond of you.

Neither of us want spoil a thing between us but all the same, my love for you is more than friends.

All the same what we have between us means such a lot to me.

Sometimes we have to be cure to be kind, slow things down in hopes of us doing the right thing.

Make sure neither of us and both of us down get hurt again.

To get everything right this time. 7.8.2014

Forever unknown.

How the world started was unknown.

Different people have different beliefs but the truth is no one knows and never will.

Unanswered questions will go on in our minds forever.

Therefore there's not a lot to be said.

Therefore there's not a lot to be read.

Not a lot going through the mind to be written down.

Yet plenty of thoughts to be written down when busy were doing other things. 7.8.2014

I should have known from the start.

Your reasons for our break up me know and understand now.

We don’t need to go over those reasons now I know and understand.

It’s great to know we may have parted but we are still great friends all the same.

Life is too short to end our friendship when we have no reason to fall out altogether not that we ever did.

I went online to try to make new friends, little did I know I was going fall in love yet again.

That doesn't mean I’m going to shut you out of my life.

That doesn't mean I don’t love and care about you anymore.

I’m moving on from the life I can’t have. 16.10.2012 – 8.8.2014

I am what I am and who I am.

What I am and I am who I am.

If you don't like who and of what you see of me then leave me be.

May be able I change some of the person I am in me.

One thing I can’t change is my disability and health problems.

Not that all the person what and who I am is all because of my disabilities and health problems.

I have to learn to not to care what people think and say, which isn't always easy.
I even get things wrong too; I may misunderstand what you think about me.
I may not speak because I'm scared of saying and doing the wrong things to your mind, it won't mean what it seems.

Sorry if I seem rude to you this is what I don’t mean to be.
The world is too big for me and too many people; this is where I find it hard to communicate towards this big world of people.
My problem is finding it hard cope with too many things at once. 3. 1. 2012 – 20.8.2014

Love can be dangerous.

What kind of person am I?
Do you like the person I?
Is it fair to say I love the two of you?

Yet I know it’s only fair I have one of you.
Oh love can be so dangerous I don't know what to do.
I don't want to be dangerous I just want to love one of you not two of you.

I don’t want to hurt either one of you but I need to make up my mind.

I need to let one of you go which can be hurtful and dangerous too.

I hate it when feelings get your way, put you at dangerous risk.

I’m not the person to want to hurt anyone I want be faithful and true to the one I love not hurt him.

I find it hard to win because I don't want to hurt any of you.
Whatever I do I feel as if I am hurting someone.
What does it matter chose one or no one at all.
Be friends with the other.
My feelings are hard to control and I am knocking my head on brick walls.
Oh love can be dangerous games to play. 1.6.2004 - 21.8.2014

No Matter hard I try.

No matter how hard I try nothing seems to be right.

If only I could fall in love with a person who right for me.

I have fallen in love too many wrong men.

People say the one I’m with now isn't right for me but they may be right but I can’t help the way I feel about him and another ex of mine.

I will make up my mind even if it kills me, no way am I cheating and lying to anyone, even if either one or both have done the dirty on me.

Somehow my break ups of relationships tend to turn out to be dangerous in the end.

For a lot of years I have been in love with a man who plays mind games which does my head in.

One minute he loves me and the next minute he does not.

If only I didn't love him so much.

I am not the woman I used to be or the woman I would like to be.
I intend to be faithful that's why I can't cope when I have strong feelings for two people.
I never thought my feelings would make life so hard.
I hate putting myself in the wrong, when life puts on the hard spot.
Love can be a dangerous game to play.

I either have too much choice or no choice at all.
It's a good job I only have the choice of two of you but that's hard enough to make to choose.

The hardest thing is that I going to have hurt one them because they both in love with me too.

The trouble is I don’t want to hurt either of them.

The trouble is I don't want to hurt either of them.

I have never felt so guilty in my life.
 I hate putting myself in the wrong, when life puts me on the hard spot.
Love can be a dangerous game to play.

I either have too much choice or no choice at all.
It's a good job I only have the choice of two of you but that's hard enough to make that choose. 1.6.2004 – 21.8 2014

I never thought I'd feel for you like I do now.

I loved you so much for so many years that in end hurt so much.

Isn't strange that years later I learned not to love you at all?

Isn't strange you had you made out loved me then you didn't but then I don't think you loved me at all?

Years down the line I force myself to walk away without realizing one day would stop loving you but then you wanted me back again.

For quite years now I feel nothing for you but anger.

I feel so much anger for you inside from someone who loved you so much.

What you put I though cut me up so much inside.

To think I put up with all your promises, cheating and lies, how I was so blind.

My big problem was I loved and forgave you so much until I had such enough.

For quite a few years now enough is enough until now I can this is the complete end for us but only my anger for cuts me up like a knife. 7.10.2014

You are no money man.

Who’s that guy walking down the street?
This guy is you, you who don't need the world to keep me happy, I just want you.
You don't show off with your hands in your pockets.
You haven't got crocadrio feet.
He must be coming home from work.

You never make any noise about playing with yours toys.
You’re my man you’re no boy.
I just love your curls.
You are no money man meaning you don't need money to keep me happy.
 I don't want your money I want your love.
You never drink beer so you never give me any tears.
I'm not just anyone's, I'm yours.
I love you I know you won't mess my mind about.

I except love back but I know you don't give me no crap my chap. 
Your a good lad you don't mess with my head and you don't just think about getting me into bed.
I don't want your money; I just want your love.
I want us to dance and have a romance.

This is your only chance man.
Timmy tells the DJ we want to dance to a good song.
You don't need your teeth to smile.
It doesn't matter if our love takes quite a while, I just love you style.
No money man can win my love. 
No money matters at all only love.

No one else will take your place.
Who cares what people think of my taste, I love you that are all that counts?
Time apart brings tears to my eyes.
You’re always on my mind.
Now my love for you is getting stronger by the time. 14.10.2014

Learning to believe in you.

Take me as I am or don't take me at all!
Love me as a person or don't love me at all!
Be what and who you want before you go there!
There are times that the truth hurts but lies hurt even more.
Learn to have love and faith in yourself before love and expect someone else to have love and trust in you!
Learning how to love and trust in you may sound big headed but there's nothing like being sure of yourself first.
If you can't have faith, love and trust in yourself then be honest with yourself not to have others in your life at all.
For those of you who have hurt people, now does the truth hurt?
Those of us who believe in ourselves learn to love and trust others and we rid of those who have let us down.
It's far too easy for us to blame ourselves when we are hurt.
We are all only human we all make mistakes.
Its takes two to tango the blame isn't all on one person.
The most blame is on the person who hurt you and let you go.
You are so much better than they are and there is someone out there for you so much better than what they were.
You just need to stop taking too much of the blame when you are mostly not to blame.

You can’t change what’s happened but you can improve what’s going to happen.

Believe yourself otherwise you will doubt yourself all the while.

Don’t take the pain out on yourself and the person who you love now!
Don't take out on others what you have been through but then time to take care of yourself now then once you have faith, love and trust in yourself then move on!

Don't bring yourself down to the person who has hurt you for you to hurt someone else, which everyone knows is so easy to do without knowing it but in time think about it then you start blaming yourself so don't give yourself any reason to do!

I'm telling myself as well as telling you, those of us who have been hurt we need to tell ourselves we are mostly not to blame because the main blame is on the losers, we are not.
We showed them love but they didn't know what love is but that's not our fault.
They led us on instead of them not been honest with us and not telling us they aren't interested, they had a relationship with us that lived a lie because they didn't love us.
It may have disappointed us that they didn't feel the same way as us at the time but at least it would have been the truth.
To learn to love you before loving yourself is the best love of all.
To have faith, love and trust in yourself then you will have the same for your partner.
You can balance between being yourself not being headed because why beat yourself up over things that are not all your fault even though they seem like they are?
Most people like to get in your life to rib your heart apart to a point they want to blame you, don't let them!
Building faith, love and trust again is so hard to a point we can lose our self belief it's not easy I know but let's not let it! 30.10.2014 - 8.11.2014

Whatever the choice.

There's no way of getting it right first time.
Even if feels right it not always is yet if it feels wrong it could be right.
Rightly or wrongly you can never please anyone, very often in the end you can't please yourself.
Things aren't always at the end as they are at the start.
Very few of us get it right first time but others just sail through life.
Those who are out there to look out for us but life are just a game of chance.
Yet there's no chance really life so why we here?
There are so many questions that are unknown.
The reasons are unknown to how the world around and how we all came about.
Life is known to try us to see what happens.
It's unknown unless we try yet we can't try all.
Where does it all come from?
What is life all about?
Some luck comes to others but others it doesn't.
Everything is different in different ways, how boring it would be if it was all the same. 30.10.2014 - 8.11.2014

Changes in school.

In my day kids were scared of the teachers now the teachers are scared of the kids.

        Kids should be learning education not murder; no kid should bring knives to school!

        When I was in school, you would get the stick whether you were clever or thick.

   or I must not do but them no which would have got me into worse trouble.

          You don't have to hit a child to teach them right from wrong just get them to write I must do or must not do until they understand the reason why or reasons why not.
        No please in the teachers whether you can learn easily or not.

        Today and even yesterday very few people take and took a lot of passion in their career for most people it seems mostly about the money.
        If I was a teacher I would have been pleased with myself as well as the learners to see that I have taught that people whatever it is.

        There's no sense in giving a person a hard time when they have a skill or and talent to share.
         No person disservices a hard time even if there know nothing at all, why show them up in front of the rest of the class?

         There shouldn't be a big deal whether someone is very or not very bright.  

I don't believe in beating or abuse but every kid should learn right from wrong. 

        Stop the bullying and stop the abuse, just keep away from another if you can't get on!
        Stop sending nasty texts to one another in school! 30.10.2014 - 8.11.2014

Nothing and no one is stopping me.

I will do everything I can to be with you.

Nothing and no one will come between us.

To me you are a lot more than just my friend I love you so much.

I would like to show you how much you really mean to me.

If only I could show you how much I love you in private.

I will find a way to see you nothing and no one will stop me and take me away from you.

I will find a way even if I have to find myself doing so.

All being well if spring and summer is warm then you could have a day visit my home; just let the winter come and go.

I will do anything possible to get to you.

I don’t want to force anything onto you.

Yes I would love a proper relationship with you.

Making love is not important but can be part of the relationship if we decide to.

There’s no harm to making love it just needs protection.

Wanting to be together is more important.

Wanting each other for each other is important not what we can get out of each other.

You’re just on my mind all the time 24 hours a day. 12.11.2014

Leave my mind alone.

Leave my mind alone, I don't love you anymore.

Now I love someone else so much better, you have left my life so leave my mind.

You have only left my life because I have walked out of yours.

I have walked out your life for good because you want me more than just friends but then no you want to hurt me again.

I won't let you hurt me again because I won't be in your life.

I'm not walking back in your life again, no way.

All I have left from you is anger and pain.

You are like poison floating through my mind.

Now I have walked away from your game of cat and mouse.

Whatever I wanted you wanted the opposite so I learned you played childish games.

I was far too blind at the time to see that you were playing with my mind.

You are like a silly boy child who has never grown up.

At the time all I could think about is how much I love you but then in the end you hurt me far too much to carry staying with you for the rest of life yet you were everything I hoped for not I don't want anymore.

 Yet it's hard to believe that love I have for you for so long has grown into so much hate. 11. 11.14

Miss you every day.

Miss you each and every day in each and every way.

My world is empty without you even though I have never spent a lot of time with you.

There never seems to be a change but May change is just round the condor.

I will never give up on you unless you give up on me.

No sun ever suns on me.

Unless you’re with me there's not a moment I don't wish you were by side.

Only time will tell when we see each other again.

Until then we carry on emailing, face booking, phoning and texting.

Look forward to our time together whenever that time comes.

However long or short time is some time better than no time at all. 12.11.14

If only I didn't see you.

I walked along the road to wait at the bus stop, there you were.

Why did I see you?

You are strange, I don't know you anymore and I don't want to know you anymore.

You say hello you never say goodbye so why speak at all?

We just happened to see each other at the bus stop that's all.

You said everything on an off the bus then you end up saying nothing at all.

I lost my ring off the person I love now but then I found it in the freezer.

I walked along the road, there you were, you ugly mug at the bus stop.

Why do I still feel as if I'm still a victim of you?

Why do you talk to me at all as if nothing happened at all?

Why do you talk to me as if you want to when you know you don't?

You know full well that I don't want anything to do with you anymore otherwise you wouldn't want anything to do with me at all.

Can't you see you have put me through enough pain?

Can't you see my love for you is through? 12. 11. 14

Never think.

Never think that I don't think about you because I do.

Don't think I miss what we had together because I do.

Don't think I don't accept the fact we can't have it back.

Don't think I'm not cheating on the man I love for anyone because I'm not.

I have never cheated on you, him or anyone.

Don't think I hate you because I don't.

I know nothing would have made any difference to both of us whether I loved again or not.

If you have met happiness again I will never take that away from you like you wouldn't take my happiness away from me.

Yes I know it's sad that situations weren't right for us so we never really had chance to find out whether or not we could have been happy together, sadly that's one thing we have to accept that we will not be able to know.

We never hurt one another but we were both disappointed to lose one another but it never stopped us from been friends together, one good thing is but strangely the hardest thing is for me to hate you.

None of this easy for us both,

 we both did what we had to do not what we wanted to do.

Really truly speaking we never had the chance to really try between us.

It was one thing that ended without pain but disappointment.

The good thing was we didn't fall out.

I may be I still loved you but we can't mend what's been broken.

My feelings are no different than before but I accept that no matter what I will never be able to have back what we had before.

I wasn't looking for love it just happened 

but then it would have made no difference to us whether it happened or not.

You and I have nothing to hide whatever happened ended before I found love in someone else.

There is no difference between the two of you but sooner or later I needed to move on.

I had enough of waiting around for the love before you,

 all he could do was love me then dump me again,

 not that I thought that you'd do that to me but I knew that we would never have back what we had before.

Nothing would have changed between

 us so things wouldn't have come back like

 they used to that I knew I had to accept

 well we both did, not that I needed to

 love someone else to accept that, that love just happened. 12.11.2014

You don't have to answer me.

Despite of how you feel you don't have to answer to me.

If there's someone else in your life then I'm happy for you as much as you’re happy for me with my happiness.

All the same it doesn't mean I don't feel anything for you
 but I can cope with that without letting it come between the loves I have now.

Always remember I'm not a person to play and cheat on someone, I never did it to you did I?

I will never play or cheat on him.

All the same I'm glad to say that I and you didn't slit on bad terms.

Nothing lasts forever but somehow I fell for you.

You may not be in my life anymore but you were nowhere
 near the worst man I had but then for you I guess I wasn't best woman you ever had yet.

You gave me a memory that I never ever forget.

It wasn't only about my feelings but you’re too.

This love was the only love that ended so different to the rest.

I kind of knew one day sooner or later you'd leave me someday
 so I thought to myself sooner or later I need to make a life on my own.

Despite of how I felt about you I knew I had to be strong.

I never give you up in my mind, you never pass my thoughts.

Never mind we tried failed but not completely hate one another I'm so glad to say.

It's so strange that life is so unknown to start off with.

I guess if we knew everything it would never be a shock or surprise.12. 11.2014


 I'm no more your lover or victim.

First of all I was born to be your victim of love.
I fell for your love so many time but not anymore.
So many times you left me in the dark,
 not really knowing how I really felt for you, knowing I foolishly loved you so much.

I never had any luck when it came to love.
Now I have learned how to get by with or without love.
Even though I have moved on to what I was I'm still not 100 percent in myself.

I took so much pain and stress from you. shame on you.
Now my life is moving forward not backwards.
Now I have learned to put the fault mostly on you not myself.

Don''t try to get back to me, I'm having no more.
No more of your mind games.
No more of your lies.
Stop messing and playing with my mind!

You may have made me a broke woman but I'm fixing
 myself now with or without any man's love.
I feel nothing for you but anger.
I don't loss sleep or waste a tear over you no more.

I'm more your lover.
I've no more your victim.

In the end I found myself keeping my thoughts and feelings to myself in order to stop loving you.
I gave you all the love I could but what I could give you was never enough for you.

Now this is the complete end of you and me. there's no going or looking back.
Our love was a big mistake and you led me a lie from start to finish.
There was no love from you to me even though there was from to you.
I lived 13 and a half years in your lies.
Now I'm with someone new there's nothing you can do.

You ripped my heart in half until we completely parted,
 this was happening from the very start but I was far to blind to see what was a head of me.
You thrown our love away yet again I was to blind to see what was going to happen to me.
It's far too late now the damage is already done, you can't mend what you broke.
You can't touch anything or anybody without breaking somebody or something.

You may have left my life now you need to leave my mind.
I did everything I could to show you my love.
Now enough is enough.
My love for you was so strong that in the end ran out for you.

I'm losing no more sleep over you.
I'm wasting no more tears over you.
Now I'm with someone new there's nothing you can do.
Now you have lost me for good, you should have loved me while you had the chance. 19.11.2014


What have you done for me?

What have you done for me?
Nothing at all
Before I knew you I didn't know what was coming to me.
I loved you in thinking you were the man for me, little did I know I was wrong to be.

Even though a lot of people knew the truth of you, I found out myself in the end.
In time I stopped loving you in my own time.
My feelings and walking away from you was hard to cope with at the same time.
You were a hard habit to break for a long time.
This made me learn the hard way.

In time I realized I was wrong to love a man who couldn't
 make up his mind how he felt about me.
How blind was I?
You couldn't make up your mind between me and her.
Wasn't my love good enough for you?
Isn't one love enough for you?

Your charm and sense of humor was what attracted me
 to you but your mind games and lies were hurting me all the time.
My feelings towards you were keep me there for a long time yet
 I was so blind and out of my mind to have put up with you so long.


It must be sad to be you not knowing what you
 want in life when one lover isn't enough for you.
It seems to take a hell of a lot to make you happy or nothing at all.
A little is never enough for you.

Now it's far too late to kneel, beg, scream and cry back in my life like a boyish child.
Each and every way your a loser.

In the end you are your own victim not the women because the way you treat women,
 you will have no luck at all.
In the end you have made yourself weak and us strong.

All these years I lived  your lie thinking that you loved me but you didn't.
I won't be the first or last to have made that mistake.
I have gained you have lost.
I have gained love but if anyone love you now they won't
 put up with as much mind games and lies as I did.
She won't be as weak as I used to be. 25.11.2014


I'm no poet, I just have a way with words.

I left school having learned nothing at all, nothing to please the eyes of society anyway.
Society taught me nothing at all.
When I wrote these words at twenty-seven years old
 I was just classed as talking a load of rubbish not
 classed as a poet but then I don't see myself as anyone special.
Society think of poets being boring, boring maybe but
 then we are a boring because we tell the truth  but the we are not lieing
 or telling the truth like everyone we are not always right like no one always is ,
 we just have a way with words.
Disabled people poets in the eyes of society are a laughing stock,
 I'm one of them but that doesn't make me bright but then I'm not thick either.
Society sees people with disabilities and health problems as
 hard work and as if we should be named and shamed for the way we are,
 we are not at fault to why we are as we are.
These things could have to anyone at any time,
 how would life to be blamed and shamed for what's happened to you? 
Our life matters just like yours does.
Society sees us as slow and thick
I'm a poet with disabilities who wasn't as a poet in school,
 I'm no poet I just have a way with words.
I'm not thick i'm not bright I'm just misunderstood for someone
 I'm not just like others like me and not much different.
Poets are not poets, we are no one special, we just have a way with words.
There must be plenty in my shoes who have their own skills and abilities.
Everyone has different abilities in different ways.
We all have weaknesses and strengths in different ways to each other. 30.11.2014 

All Dyslexia.

May be it's all our minds I admit to write and say but it's also all truth that has to be told.
It's dyslexic words that think too much or not at all.
Who says too much but then says nothing at all.
Who remembers too much but remember nothing at all.
Every day the brain is different which is why we are so hard
 for a lot of non dyslexic to understand yet like all of
 you we are not good and bad at the same things.
It's all Dyslexia poetry with me when my mind thinks too much, I'm a dyslexic poet.
My brain works when I have lot of ideas what to write then
 I think too much otherwise I don't write at all
Letters in words are mostly in the wrong places but not all the time,
 I don't get it wrong every single time.
Many things are written and said the wrong way round but not all the time.
Words jump off the page in small print when I read.
Mostly I can't remember what read.
Like I said I can vary from remembering a lot to nothing at
 all depending what I am reading and the day.
Every day is unknown what's going to be to me but
 I can only guess for other people with Dyslexia too.
Number 62 becomes number 26.
Bb becomes Dd.
E becomes i instead of i after e.
Because becomes become.
Mn becomes Nn.
Rr becomes Mm.
Pp becomes Qq.
We don't get it wrong every single day.
Our brain works different each and every day.
Like all of you we are good and bad at different things.
Not all dyslexic people face the same problems or the same talents. 27.12.2014

Dyslexic poet.

I'm a Dyslexic poet with a Dyslexic mind.
I write poetry because I think most of the time.
Too many words go through my mind or none at all.
At times the world can be so unkind, misunderstanding to not able to read and write.
I just say, do, write and think of things the wrong way round, I even miss things out.
I miss words out of sentences.
My dyslexia can vary from words I can't spell, words I can't read and words I can't recognize.
Put the right letters in the wrong places of words but it doesn't happen like this all the time.
Get 62 mixed up 26.
I don't always get things the wrong way round, every day is different.
None this is on purpose.
What makes me a Dyslexic poet?
 I have thoughts when my mind isn't blank.
I say things far too long for others to have the time to listen to me.
I find very hard to put things in a short way.
This is why I need support in essays and assignments plus needing someone to proof read my work to see it makes sense.
I have weaknesses and I have talent.
I weaknesses are all the problems I face in being Dyslexic.
My talents are thought that go through my head that are words that are put into poetry.
My drawing and painting is my other ways of expressing what I think about. 27.12.2014

I want to be with you.

Your on my mind when I awake every single morning.
Your on my mind 24 hours a day.
Even though we mostly chat online every day.
In 2015 I want to see a bit more of you but only when the time is right.
You may want more out of this relationship the closer you get to me.
Your so special to me that I want to keep us special.
I want things to be right for us, this is why I'm taking our time for us.
Relationships can be strange things because two people
 can't force what's not to be to be but if two people rush things they will never be.
I'm not avoiding you I am just hoping to get things right this
 time because in the past I got it wrong every single time.
I wish no more to see more of you but i'm taking my time
 because want to be not only special but right for us.
I've fallen over and got up again so many times cause by rushing into things.
Time to get it right this, time to take my time.
I don't want to put you through what I have been through.
I'm getting no younger and sorry to say babe neither are or anyone.
Time for me to stop making big and little mistakes and
 do the right thing just once and forever in my life.
Sara, Stop rushing into things but don't force that's not to be!
It doesn't mean I mean I don't love you Tim but I want you to be happy as well as me.
I want things to be right for you as well as me but just remember
 nothing is ever perfect whatever you do and whoever you are with, believe you and me. 28.12.2014


I never knew you.

It's like writing lines in school when you have been naughty.
Say what you need to learn util you have learned it for sure.
I never knew you at all, I just made you up in my head.
You were my head for a lot of year but now I'm will to get you out.
You were just in my head.
You were just in my mind.
Now I have to get you out of my mind now I have got you out of my life.
I love someone who is real who is a real, you are a real person Tim is.
I'm free.
I'm me.
Free from you to be me like I use to me.
I was so blind to have you on my mind when you weren't really there.
To believe your not real even though were is the only way to get you out of my mind and head.
I just write these lines until your completely out my mind,
 in time your not real or in my mind at all.
The man I love is real.
Your not the man I love because your not real. 
You were like a flying Ant in my mind but not anymore. 28.12.2014


Time to let go.

I never knew you.
You are never real.
I just dream t you.
I just made you up.
I just had nightmares about and just woke up to find your not real.
I don't love Mr Nobody no more.
Yo will never see me again at your house door.
I know a real person who loves me for me and I love him for him.
What I get from him is real because he is real. 28.12.2014 


Good bye 2014.

There's good and bad in every year like there's good and bad in everybody.
I have learned more about the man I love.
My nephew Jaiden was born.
My best mate Molly who I went Infants school died.
I improved more on my work and study, even though I passed my speaking and listening and writing but failed reading twice in Level 1 reading.
I must get it right this time for 2015. 28.12.2014


Turn back the clock.

There's no going back all we can do is go forward.
We can't mend what's been broken.
You can't always change what's been done.
Most of us are so blind to the world when we are young.
When we wake up it's very often too late or and we are too old.
No good been mad with ourselves and others when mistakes big or and small are already made.
Those mistakes may have been made for us to learn right from wrong.
Those mistakes may have made us the people we are today.
What did wrong yesterday we learn from it today.
The same people but different kind of people.
We are not as soft as we used to be, we just need to keep our eyes open more. 28.12.2014

When every year closes.

When every year closes I never know what poems to write.
I try to write one poem different to the other.
Write poems about poems.
Have meetings about meetings.
May be every old year we tend to ask for too much for every new year.
Let's face it, life is full of good and bad.
First we feel happy then we feel sad.
We can have life just one way.
One thing about getting older we get wiser to what life is about.
We get stronger to whichever way it turns. 28.12.2014
  




Looking around.

I see different faces in different places with different races.
All human beings we are to been with rights we should have rights to have.
The rights to live life in peace not war but war is all it tends to be.
Too many people have lost homes and businesses over the years, which still happens now.
Not everything is all negative but not may things are positive these days.
Look at life from both ways and just except the unexpected whether it's good or bad.
Be prepared on whatever life throws at you because that's about you can do.
Have a positive mind but don't build your hopes anything all.
Prepare yourself for it working both ways then you become
 stronger to the negative side and enjoy the positive side.  28.12.2014

Winter isn't winter now.

Season are so mixed up these days.
In  a strange way mixed seasons are a good and bad thing.
All four seasons can change in one day.
Insects live all year round yet they used to die in the winter.
It's never cold enough as many people are getting more mice than ever before.
We don't see as many snowdrops as we did before because we get less snow than we did before.
Yet day becomes night so quickly, clock go forward in the summer but back in the winter, not every changes most things do.
All seasons vary all year round these days. 28.12.2014 -29.12.2014


To enjoy yourself too much.

A normal night is enough to have a couple beers then to sleep, not that I see alcohol is important but seeing local friends in my local pub.
I keep forgetting I'm getting young.
Once in while I go to far like Christmas and New Year.
I paid for my mistake my Christmas hangover the next day.
My own silly fault I know I guess I wont be the first or the last.
None of us can be perfect but we are all different.
Life would be all boring if we were all the same. 28.12.2014 - 29.12.2014


Positive future. 

To be loved is to be popular.
Your beauty and your humor is your happiness.
To be fun to be with is your joy.
To be full of youth and health is your fun.
Your time, experience and freedom is your success. 28.12.2014 - 29.12.2014


Introducing poetry.

I'm not introducing poetry I'm introducing poetry.
The way with words is what I have got I'm not a poet.
All words mean thing but too many of the same words mean
 different things like two meaning number 2, too much meaning too, to me and you meaning too.
The English language is so hard yet clever when it's done.
Our thoughts can be strange  that go through our mind.
We can express ourselves in so many different ways.
Different people find different ways to be understood.
My poetry and art to is my way to be understood otherwise to many of you I can go on too much.
Just stop reading if I'm boring you or if you have little or no time to right my work.
Many cut off the phone because they have no time to listen to me but
 due to my dyslexia I find it hard to express myself in a short way.
My way to express is poetry and art, may be a novel one day
 in a strange way sorry to say. 29.12.2014- 30.12. 2014

When your a poet.

To me one  can be become a thousand words.
To  me I see one word then I see another.
I don't really see myself as a poet, I'm just writing as if I'm talking, I'm no one special.
Getting it down on paper can be better than saying it yet
 I can say too much just as much or nothing at all when my mind is blank.
Then you say something, then think nothing at all.
Put the phone on me because I say too much!
Stop reading my poem because it's too long.
That's up to you because some of my poems may be long enough.
It works both ways because when you want to talk I want to talk.
May be some days I get balance right I just don't know.
My mind can be blank other days with nothing to say.
What goes around comes around.
I may go on too long but I do have a talent of a way with words.
That doesn't make me special, clever or famous, I'm just me.
What goes through my mind goes into my writing.
When it comes to writing I must read my poems into a voice recorder on my phones 29.12.2014 - 30.12.2014


I used to love losers.

I used to love losers but didn't a lot of us.
I won't be the first and I won't be the last to mistake losers as romance.
I never really knew what love was.
I'm with someone new I hope I have got right this time.
I'm sure I've got it right this time.
He loves me for me and I love him for him. 29.12.2014 - 30.12.2014

I pulled through.

I'm away from your lieing and cheating, I know you were.
I don't need to question you in my head anymore.
You didn't stop with me while you had the chance because you knew where going be questioned.
You had to hide away from what you knew you had to face.
Don't worry because in the end I walked away from your bitter twisted mind.
The man who couldn't make up his mind what he wanted.
The man who loved me one minute but not the next therefore you didn't love me at all.
What were you trying to achieve?
You thought you killed me off but then you achieved nothing at all
Just by messing my head around you thought you killed me.
Old fool you I fell down and got back up again.
I have nothing to thank you for then I have but not,
 made me strong then you thought you'd do me no favors at all.
In the end you message with wrong woman little either of us realized, only I did in the end.
You thought you'd kill me.
What does it feel like to be so wrong?
What does feel like to not to achieve what you wanted to?
Nice try Mr Hard but your not, your a crowd yet I never saw me getting by in the end. 29.12.2014 - 30.12.2014.

Getting old.

Now I'm starting to feel wore and tore in my face.
Middle age spread no my tummy and under active thyroid.
Now life is passing me by at the age of 45.
Yes I know I have to face it that I'm not alone in the world.
I feel less emotional than I used to be, nothing seems to surprise me anymore.
Time makes me stronger.
I'm me, I'm nobody's victim no more.
I know one isn't the same but it's hard to say whose good and whose bad. 29.12.2014 - 30.12.2014


You tried to hurt me with your words.

It took me a lot of years to realize that your bark is bigger than your bit, bad try.
You never frighten me any more day or night.
I should have realized what you say you would is not true, you just do mostly the opposite.
Once 2014 is closed your out of my
Site
Mind
Poetry
Some how, some way altogether you will be out of my life and mind. 30.12.2014


The beach the sea.

I saw and heard the waves of the sea on Mar gate beach.
The waves rushed as the tide came in and out,
 as the warm breeze blew about, as the children screamed and shout.
Even though the weather was beautiful, sunny blue sky, the waves clashed along the rocks.
Seagulls were flying and shrieking very quickly across the sky very angrily.
The rides  were too fast at Dreamland fun fair, it feel like been on a roller coaster.
Never eat candy floss before the rides, it can make you feel sick and dizzy.
The smell of fish and chips on the coast, I never used to seem to miss.
The sun breeze was hot.
Noisy children on the beach screaming, laughing and crying.
Building sandcastles and swimming in the sea you and me.
Walking along the shops across the road from the beach looking at
 the cartoon post cards, it's time to cool down.
Donkey rides took up all the whole of the beach.
How I miss the sea, wouldn't it be a place for you and me?
I could do without climbing the rock caves but I will walk along the rocky hills.
The smell of seaweed never seemed to miss my noise. 30.12.2014

1987 storm.

I put the chicken feed on the trays.
The wind span me round as held the trays and the bowls with the chicken feed in.
I bend down to feed the chickens, Miss Coyne said
" Sara move one step as a tree is nearly falling on your head."
I moved away as quick as I could as the rain run the soil into mud. 30.12.2014


We will get there slowly.

I know it's not easy for either of us living so far apart from
 one another but one way or the other we will work it out.
Having patience is the main thing, each other is all we need.
We will see a bit more of one another when the time is right.
All I want is you, words can't express how strongly I feel about you.
We will have our private time in. 30.12.2014

If I wasn't human.

If I wasn't human I would have wanted to be a flying bird to be free anywhere I want to be.
No one to answer to just me and to be with you, you see. 30.12.2014




My love for you.

How I have missed you today more like I have every other day.
My love for you is like petals of a flower.
Time is never too long till I see you next even though it may seem like it.
The winter is far too cold without you.
Winter seems to go on when I'm not with you.
Winter seems to go on with wind and rain, which is such a pain.
People wearing macs, umbrellas and wellington boots.
We had a little snow the other day but didn't last long.
Cent-re heating  dries your skin but keeps you warm.
It's never cold enough for the robin redbreast.
The insects and mice are out instead. 30.12.2014

Despite of the frost.

Last night there wasn't a cloud in the sky but there was just half of moon with frost.
What a frost night it was, the car park was like an ice ring and the cars were covered with frost.
Through to today it's been taking it's time to melt two days of frost with a sun set so bright but cold.
Hopefully there will be no frost tonight.
Roll on spring when we hear the birds again sing.
There's no sun when it's cold, it's just the moon melting frost away.
No leaves on the trees but the sun that was the moon melts the frost,
 it's not winter or spring, it's four seasons all in one.
No flowers to be seen no sign of spring.
Last night I thought I was coming down with a cold but I
 was so wrong, the frost gave me a chill up my nose.
Now I'm getting older I'm feeling it colder but
 I never stop living my life to the full till the day I die.
Now time flies by so fast but time waiting to see you goes so slow as I'm waiting.
All the same I like you to have a life of your own like I have mine even though I miss you much.
To see each other a bit more would be bliss to be able to feel more than just your tender kiss.
To be able to hear your voice on the phone is just as good,
 to see the words you type on line makes me pine.
To see each other in person is even better for us both, 30.12.2014

Poems are.

Words you say on a page.
The pen talks to the paper from the poet's mind.
Ideas can just spring to the poet's mind at any time.
Many ideas come from nowhere at all.
Many poets can be inspired by other poets.
Many poets like writers can research different things.
Most of us poet can vary where our ideas come from to write our poems. 30.12.2014


I want to write a poem.

I want to write a poem but I don't what kind of poem to write.
Oh I forget that I'm not a poet, I just write words.
I can't say how much I will say in this verse.
I will write whatever comes to mind on this line.
I try to entertain readers the best I can but then
 I may write sense but then I may write a load of rubbish. 30.12.2014

We will work on this.

A good private chat is what we need.
There's nothing to worry about no one has done anything wrong.
It will be to say how things are and hopeful talk about our future but still take our time.
All what I have been through I don't want to put on you.
Thank you so much for taking me on board,
 for what I have been through I can be an very easy person to get to know.
So sorry if I have took my pain on you.
Some things I say may sound sound a bit harsh but that's just me being on my guard,
 which will never change.
I will be so lucky to carry having you in my life despite of what I am like.
To me you can never do no wrong but no one can go go through life without doing wrong.
To me your my world. 30.12.2014

So I write.

So I Write it's cold frosty night when I'm wishing you were here to hold me tight.
I've just come in tonight, my hands are like ice, which isn't a nice site.
Therefore life is such a fright when it's a frosty cold night.
No wind and no flying kites.
When the wind blow, it free to blow everything away so keep everything out of site.
The wind talks when it blows away to say.
" come back another day."
" Come quick, I will blew you away!"
Then comes a frosty day on it's way shall we say?
" Don't blow your washing away!" 31. 12 2014


It's been a long time.

It's been a long time since I have been to the sea.
What you and me going to see the sea.
I miss the warm breeze.
It's hard to know what the weather is going to be like with
 the seasons all over the place very often all in one day.
I miss the smell of fish and chips alone the coast. 31.12.2014


Happy New.

Can't be believe it's this time of year all ready.
Christmas has come and gone so fast.
It's the last day of 2014, it doesn't seem long since the last day of 2013.
Today has been a dull grey day with no sunset or frost.
England's  dull and grey sky yet Black  Country's dark day.
Now the frost has gone the fireworks are going off to slowly bring in 2015.
Now New Year can't come fast enough to bring things back to normal to how they were.
I'm now letting 2014 out today and 2015 in tomorrow. 31.12.2014


Time to look forward.

Time to loo forward not to look back.
Look back on the good not on the bad.
Look back on the happy not on the sad.
Most important don't look back at all, look forward to the good times to come.
Bad will happen in all our lives but be strong to hard times
 that will come along, those things we can't stop no matter how hard we try.
All the same the good is there to look forward to.  31.12.2014


Love poem to you on New Year.

So looking forward to spending time with you when it comes.
However long it takes I'm there for you.
I'm here to enjoy the good times with you, support you through the rough and bad.
I know we live two hours apart from each other but
 we keep in in touch like we have done in the past two years online, text and phone. 31.12.2014