It was all in my mind.

I was the only child for 13 years.

Even though I could read and write I could never take anything in but then my head was full of thoughts or no thoughts at all. Having been the only child for 13 years as well having disabilities and health problems I didn’t feel equal to the rest of the world.

Every new term or every holiday after the weekend, teachers always asked us to write in our rough books what we did during our breaks from school I could never always remember, only things I enjoyed the most.

You know that English has always been the worse and my favorite subject to me because I either have too much to say for myself or nothing at all.

As a child due to heavy medication I was in a world of my own, my learning abilities were affected and I had no danger awareness.

One Monday morning came to school a holiday or weekend break. I was asked as normal to write about what I didn't’t over the break but my mind was compliantly blank but I wasn't allowed to write nothing at all but then I really wanted to write something. It got me into trouble but then I would have been in worse trouble if I said nothing at all.

The story goes like this, my Grandmother Letty was my Mother, my Mother and my Aunty was my big sisters, I had a made up big brother Ben, made up little brother Tony and made up little sister Susan. All these strange thoughts came into my head.

Letty my Grandmother as my Mother had her real name. Aunty Vicci as my big sister had her her real name, my Mother as my big sister had her nick name Sam. Made up Sister Susan her hair was black but she wore pigtails in her hair and a little red plain dress. Made up Brother Tony wore brown shorts, cream tee shirt and he had short straight brown hair.

I forgot the story I wrote, it was over thirty years ago but I can still see my teacher in my head today, her name was Miss Coal. She may not have been as old as she looked. Miss coal was old to me. Sorry that morning I didn't  tell the truth in my story because I didn’t know what to write. Like I said I would have been in worse trouble I would have wrote nothing but as it was I was in enough trouble.

Even today I can still see Miss Coal’s curly hair, her cracked, wriggled face. She was most likely in her fifties at the time but she looks as old as ninety to me. She wore what I can still see is and was a brown and cream dog tooth coat, which I find it hard to take off my mind, which a lot of years ago give me nightmares plenty of times.

Lucky I had this idea for this story because I had a dream the night before I wrote it if you know what I mean, which I will go into very soon. Due to been a child with possible very mild Autism I was very much misunderstood but then this story is fiction and nonfiction.

“Sara Gorman, why can’t you tell the truth?” said Miss Coal raising her voice so loudly.

“Sorry Miss, I didn’t know what to write.”

She asked me how could forget what I did over the break but then I couldn't answer but then she couldn’t understand how I could forget.

“Sara, I don’t believe you.”

I thought to myself if I didn’t write anything at all you wouldn't like it either so I wouldn't be able to win either way. May be it’s not true or partly true but I had to think about this one very hard. OK I admit it was story based on a dream, I wrote in my rough book but it’s based on some truth facts. I also admit that I had very strange thoughts running through my head.

We lived in a random 200 year old Farmhouse in the middle of nowhere, five to seven archers of ground with a duck poud of random drake ducks. For the size of our family it was a handy family home.

I remember my big sister Sammy driving me to school and back home in this random red mini but our home car park was really large, big and round. It was five to seven miles from the home to the nearest shops. If there were any bus routes they were miles apart by a guess.

The hot boiler water tank and heater was non- stop heat and water through the winter. It must have cost my parents a lot of money. They also had the coal fire roaring with heat, which heated the entire house.

I never forget the grey three pence leather sweet in the living room, pale blue carbert, walls and ceiling.  The television was a black portable television; there weren’t any DVDs and video players and computers which at that time unknown.

I remember me, Susan and Tony playing frustration, operation, snakes and ladders. We were happy children. Computers would have been far too much choice for us because we never knew about any such thing.

Time to go up the wooden hills, the years our bedrooms were damage. It had been years since we may have remembered what our childhood bedrooms looked like.  We only remember going to bed every night at 10.00pm, which were freezing. The bedroom walls and ceilings were dull, white mattress, sheets pillows and black blankets.  In those days there were no double glazing windows. It didn’t mean anything to us because we didn’t know any other life. Centre heating was unknown to our generation.

The confusion has always been is that my Grandfather as my Father Ramsey had made us from rich to poor. He spent his money wild on betting and drinking but strangely he was such a hard worker. We’d dread hearing come drunk as he beat our Mother, as we put the black blankets over our heads. When my Mother first met him he started off as a tall, dark and handsome charming young man until she married him to find out different. Mum never had to work at first but over the years she got poorer. After the divorce after twenty years of marriage she couldn’t afford to keep that big house. This was a big disappointed to my Mother because my dad built her hopes up so high on the house.

I am hurt that I wasn’t able to see that my Mother was completely happy after what a rough life she had. Even after her divorce she had lost in men. All the same her world wasn’t completely black and white because she made a lot of nice friends in work and things.

The truth is that my Grandmother was a lovely lady but she had such a rough life.

If anyone deserved happiness she did. My Nan loved my Granddad dearly to start off with. Like I said in the story he was tall, dark handsome and charming but after marriage my Nan found out his true colours, which were very nasty and selfish. I myself only wish I could have made her life happy because I don’t believe that she was ever truly happy, even though she made nice friends and she had us as her family.

 I know she thought the world of me; she always looked out for me and her other Grandchildren as well as children.

This story is based on a lovely lady who deserved a better life than what she got.

I myself was never completely happy until my little Holly was born. Now nearly thirty –one years on Holly is having a baby boy so I am going to become an Aunty, which is great news.

  

Update on Anxiety, Depression,Stress,panic,Attacks ADHD, Epilepsy.

All these mental health problems can get confused because there's not  much different to one another. I guess I could have either one to all of those as I have suffered from either one to all for forty-four years now, which is from birth.

Through the side affects of my medication Phenobarbital I was put on as a baby and child, which caused me to be moody and hyperactive. The moods could come on any time due to the fact I found it hard to sleep at night I was over tired. Yet strangely the day time I was dreamy, in a world of my own and unaware of the world around me. For example even at the age of twelve I was a danger hazard to cross the road.

I couldn't pay attention in my school work. I was always classed as thick, lazy and told I’d never get along in life.  I think at that point of my life I was suffering from ADHD.  I left school believing I wouldn't get anywhere in life. I left school believing at first that I would not get anywhere in life but then I was more glad to leave school. Near enough every school I went to I faced bullying, rape and sexual abuse from a lot of children in the schools.  From after I left school twenty – seven years ago I have proved myself wrong by achieving the things I have said I have achieved like the exams I have passed  in college, the awareness of learning disability and mental health, Advocacy, short stories and poetry which is all on my website sararevealed.blogspot.com/ email sarajgorman@gmail.com.

Never the less these health problems are not much different to one another. Anxiety is a feeling of anger, panic and fear whether a person has a reason to feel that way or not. Depression is a feeling of sadness whether a person has a reason to feel sad or not. Epilepsy and panic attacks are not that much different to one another either. Worry is connected to stress which is anxiety when a person gets upset easily.  Can all those health problems be linked or and even be misunderstood?  

How can these health problems be not much different to one another?

A fit and a panic attack are both to do with the nevus system, which people can very easily confuse one with the other. This can also be confusing for the person who is facing the fit, panic attack or even both. For example what I have faced.

·       Headaches

·       Dizziness

·       Choking or even a sense of choking, it’s a feeling as if someone has got their hands round my neck.

·       Electric shocks, pins and needles through my spine arms and legs.

·       Shaking

·       Going hot and cold

·       Fully aware of what’s going on.

This is an example of how all these things can get confused with one another.

Anxiety.  A sense of panic, fear and or anger whether there’s a reason or not. Like all health problems it can depend on how we manage the health problems. Those of us like me who have had these health problems manage them in a different way than what we did to start off with.

As it’s possible I may have had ADHD as a child it could be possible it could be a major form of Anxiety. Most children pull a screaming and kicking temper paddies in town for example at times but it can depend on how often. If this happens to your child a lot and I mean a lot then they may need to get checked and diagnosed. Something may be happening your child may not be able to explain also they may be in fear that you may not understand. May be they don’t know themselves, which can be very furstraighting this can also be fearful and scary whether there’s a reason to be or not. ADHD can be some form of Autism as well.

A mild form Anxiety can be the same as major fearing things are worse than what they are but can be in different ways.  For example different people you different thing on one thing a person may want to know so that person may get easily get confused.

Most people may get upset easily upset caused by negative situations such as a death of people they know or they may a relationship break up which we all have to face but we all get affected in different ways. Some people come to terms with these things quicker than others but people with health problems and disabilities mostly tend to be more sensitive and tend to be slower to come to term with these kinds of issues.

Some people can be also nervous of exams and even taking their driving test for example. This can depend on how often a person is nervous and may be depending what situations they are nervous of. People can get nervous over negative and positive things which can be a sense a fear, excitement, whether something is going to be good or bad news like exams for eg;

Some people have fears of forgetting things mainly when it comes to important things. Even if you have got things ready before hand you want to make. You fear just in case you forget something important. In fact people who suffer from Anxiety are likely to forget less time than people who don’t have Anxiety cause we are always worrying about forgetting. In fact what we have to remember is always on our minds until whatever event is over. You are saying to yourself, have I remembered it when you get there where you are going and whatever you need whatever for.

Anger is part of Anxiety. Anger is a feeling you get whether there’s a reason or not. It can be a feeling of anger, worry, stress and tension yet all of those things can just happen. This is because those things are linked to Anxiety. This is where we need exercises to loosen our muscles up but this may not work for all of us. It’s possible that all these words like anger, worry, stress and tension get confused easy because there’s not much difference between the meanings of the words. When we face these feelings it tends to feel the same feeling. These feelings don’t need a reason to happen.

Depression.  It’s the same with depression a feeling of sadness that comes on whether there’s a reason to be sad or not.

 It’s hard to know whether these health problems are illnesses or conditions, I don’t anyone knows for such.

One always says that’s it best to keep the mind and body busy but that works for some people not for others. Many people tell people who suffer from Anxiety and depression that it’s all in the mind.

In my case I can go from losing interest in what I am normally interested in to climbing the walls when I have nothing going on in my life. I can feel angrily, sad, down, stressed, depressed, worried and etc for a reason and no reason at all.

I have so many thoughts in my head I very rarely talk about or I don’t talk about them at all such as feeling as if life isn't worth life. I try very hard to fight those thought, which isn't easy. It could be for the silliest reasons or yet again no reason at all. Professions advice this that and the other but these things are there to try. What works for one person doesn't for the other. That could mean exercises, diet and many things that may keep the mind and body busy.

Like for example for me and for those of you who have read my website will know my poetry helps my Anxiety and Depression in the sense of anger and sadness, when comes to relationship break ups for example or someone who I know who has died.

UNDERSTANDING ANXENTY AND DEPRESSION.

Anxiety and depression can be linked to learning disabilities.

Most of us feel frightened our muscles can tense up whether we have a reason to do so or not.

Most of us can think we fail in everything but we don’t. We can feel nervous for example when are about to take an exam or even have an interview for a job.

Most of us find it hard to believe in ourselves and many of us find it hard to we will get the support we need in whatever we need it for.

Some of us find it hard to believe that employers will take us on many of us believe that employers will sack us.

Anxiety and depression has its good days and bad.

When things get really bad many of us feel as if life is not worth living therefore it can cause us to have thoughts of taking our own lives.

Depression is a feeling of sadness whether there’s a reason to be or not like Anxiety is a feeling of anger whether there’s a reason to be or not.  When you have those feelings you have a fear of society thinking you have gone so mad, that they think you need to be locked up. Anxiety and depression is also a fear of everything being your fault. Yes I know it may not be as bad as it seems but if you haven’t got these health problems you don’t understand.

There’s no need to see the world as black and white. We are not completely sad and angrily people. We have our good and bad days just like you do. Some of us can manage our own health problems, others need help to do so and others can be bothered.

 Others live in fear of what society thinks because Mental Health can be so misunderstood. Some people find it hard to have trust in the system. Mainly when it comes to the cutbacks British is having, you may be shocked to find how many people may be suffering on their own. A lot of people with Mental Health problems get frightened and they fear things. Making people aware help is out there but not forcing help.

This may not make sense to people who don’t have Mental Health problems but we shouldn’t be made to feel ashamed and guilty, mainly those of us who try to help ourselves.  Many of us may appear alright to you if you see smiles on our faces but what we feel inside can be very different. This can be because we don’t want to be hard work to anyone and that we want to help ourselves. Hiding the sadness and anger can be the easiest way we can manage our health problems. Yes I know that there are some that can’t be bothered to help themselves.

There are different forms of Anxiety and depression which affects different people in different ways from minor to major. Some people mainly when they have got other health problems and disabilities a lot of medications can make them worse than what they are mainly when they are on too many. A lot side affects can get confused with the health problems themselves.

Another way some people with Mental Health problems manage their illnesses or and conditions is by expressing talents that many can have like poetry, short stories, drawings and paintings for example. By managing their lives like that is better than committing crimes but not everyone manages that way. They either find other ways or nothing at all. For most people, they may become a victim of crime, commit crimes or even both. Some people are danger to themselves, to others or both.

 If that happens either they are in fear of what people think of them or they just can’t be bothered to mange their health problem and get help. Some people are even aware they have these problems but other people notice they are there.

Most of us don’t like crowds and queues, which give us a sheer of panic then we have to find a clear space to calm ourselves down.

Most of us will avoid packed places.

Some of us have fear of forgetting even if we getting everything together, then we are checking our bags halfway down the road for example.

It’s hard to know how we get through day after day.

Many of us get upset very easily over negative situations whether it’s for example a death of a people we know relationship break ups, failed an exam or turned down by a job. We understand that these things happen but it takes us longer to come to terms with than other people we never do. Many people find it hard to put certain things that have happened in their past behind them. Some it may take a long time to put behind them and others never get over whatever it is. Some people even can have nightmares, flashback or both for years or even for life.

  

All my life I have tried to mange my Anxiety and depression the best way I can without realising I have those health problems to start with.

My Anxiety and Depression work both ways to a point I can’t manage my life without having something going onto a point I have lost interest in things that I am normally interested in.

I love writing short stories and poetry. I even knit and read ever so often.

 Some people have anxiety, depression and epilepsy, which can link together.

If people get stressed very easily suffer Panic attacks it can bring epilepsy but it doesn't affect everyone the same.

I am an Advocacy work, Learning Disability and Mental Health Awareness trainer.

Change can be a big thing for a lot of people with Autism.
People can have these conditions whether they have disabilities or not. Health problems can link to disabilities or be without disabilities.

Anxiety and depression is bad for enough anyone.
New things which are changes whether it's good or bad can make people nervous. When some people get nervous they can have Panic attacks but Panic attacks can be brought by other things like for example; stress other reasons or no reason at all like depression.  

 Change can be a big thing for of people whether they are nervous about something or someone.
Whatever is going on in peoples' lives and minds some people can ‘t sleep for thinking all the while others sleep all the while to avoid the situations whether it's a good bad change in their lives.
Some people can find it hard to contrite on other things they only cope with one thing at a time.
Some people may worry more than they should, which is part of their condition what seems a mole hill to you feels like a mountain to them. You just need to be patient until the person realises that things may not be as bad to what it seems to them.

Everyone suffers from Anxiety and depression one way or another.

Sadly there's not enough said about stress I think we need to raise Stress awareness for everyone, that includes people with LD and Health problems.

Some people don't know that some people suffer LD and Health problems together, that's what I have otherwise I wouldn't have known that.

Anxiety and depression are forms of stress in every ones' lives.

Many things can get on top of people, paying bills, not enough work, too much work, marriage, relationships, children and even loneliness. 

It's very hard to make a balance to keep healthily and happy.

This can be why a lot of people can turn to smoking, drugs and etc.

When you have learning disabilities there can be a lack of support off society because we are slow and find it harder to cope with our lives than other people yet we are easier ill than other people.

Stress, Depression and Anxiety can last short term or for life. 

If you think about it we can all suffer stress one way or another?

It's so easy to worry about things that you didn't need to but with some things you were right doing so.

If you would like to have more understanding with what’s on the Mind.

A lot of people say Mental health is just in the mind.
You may learn what's, whys and how the Mind is is or can be affected.

Tap Mind in the Google engine or whatever you have got. 

WWW.mind.org.uk

Save it in your favourites or Bookmarks. 

Whatever Health problems and disabilities are we have enough stress with that on its own.

We understand for eg; that we have to pay our bills like everyone else but with the problems we have already, we have double stress.
You feel tense.

You panic and worry about things that aren't as bad as they seem.

For eg; when I leave home to go anywhere I check my bag and my front door to make sure I have locked the door, remember my keys, bus passed and etc.

Touch wood I only forgot my money and phone once and had to travel from town back home to get, lucky I wasn't working at the time.

It seems like the end of the world when someone in your life dies or when your relationship breaks down.

You feel as if the world is controlling you.

I panic when I walk into services, load of people give me different answers to one question.

For eg; is this benefit right for me?

I can't cope with too much jargon and too much information.

To be truthful the answer is either yes or no not both.

Managers need to inform all staff on what the rules are otherwise it confuses people.

Sometimes crowds can panic me where there are too many people around me.

I am a bit better than I used to be.

It can depend where I am and how many people there are.


When I really worry about things, it causes me to have Petie Mal fits.

I am easy misunderstood mainly when I am accessing services, when information doesn't seem straight forward to me.

I always have to have things going on in my life; otherwise I get very angry, depressed and bored.
My Gran died in 2007 and my last relationship broke down for the last time.

If it hadn't of been for Employment Pathways getting me on to Mencap, I don't know how I would have coped with my life now.

The first longest my relationship broke up at the end of 1996, which was two and a half years.

Now when I think about it wasn't that long yet after been apart 4 years, I gave him a second chance that lasted seven years.

Now there's no going back.

I couldn't stand sitting in the house alone but I wasn't in the mood to talk to peopleither.

I just used watch the world go by.

At that point I used to drink very heavy, which lasted six to twelve mouths.

I then worked it that couldn't go on like this forever yet I was still having a break down and even feeling as if I wanted to end my life.

Never the less I cut the drinking down and I started writing poetry  to get things off my chest.

Bird Watcher who spys. Up date

 Up date of ‘BIRD WATCHER WHO SPIES'.

                     By

SARA JANE GORMAN

CONTANTS PAGE

1. Introduction

2. ' Bird Watcher Who Spies.

3. Lee kissed the sixth form teacher.

4. Lee spends his adult life with the sixth form teacher.

5. Sixth form teacher and Lee get Divorced.

CHAPTER ONE INTRODUCTION

I started writing this story ' Bird Watcher Who Spies'. Back in 1996. To be truthful the idea in the beginning of the story is unknown, nothing inspired me to write such a story, just thoughts kept on running through my mind that I found myself writing down on paper on a day I had nothing to do. The last thing I thought of is making to story; I guess I was just passing time.

 I never saw myself adding more on to this story, which is happening 16 years later. I have never tried to publish it because I have never seen it as anything special. People don't want to read watch stories from the 1960s write today. The reason why I based in the 60s was because as more thoughts kept on going on in my mind as I was writing the 60s styles seemed to match. Yet I was born at the end of the 60s.

What didn't draw on me a year later was that my ex partner who worked with the girl he finished with me for. The employer gave them both a warning, if they didn't pay attention to their work that they would have their engagement rings off them. This is where Lee works with his teacher elsewhere when he finishes school, yet I never really remember having any crushes on teachers but I guess I may have done. At some time in our lives many of us go through a stage if not more than once having strong feelings for someone who doesn't feel the same.

This can make us feel embarrassed with the way we do feel, mainly when it's someone with a partner, too young or and too old for us. The most scarily thing is letting our teacher know how we feel about them. Six months after Joanne and Dan left Lee had a secret crush on this strange looking teacher. Lee felt in embarrassed a mainly in front of his friends. She was 42 years old but she looked more like 82. Miss Cane’s looks didn't seem to be an issue to Lee. There was something about her that he couldn't put his finger on the reasons why he was attracted to Miss Cane. He just fell in love with her. She wasn't fit or a thing of beauty but he thought so much of her. She was a typical thin and frail lady, very old looking as if she had a face mask on her face and it cracked. Miss Cane had curly and short curly hair with brown turned in glasses, brown and cream dog check coat in the winter time.  Lee never thought that Miss Cane would have been interested in him but by his surprise she was. Miss Cane was surprised Lee was interested in her why was he? It was hard to see the good in her looks or in her as a person but Lee must have seen something. It was very strange that Lee was interested in Miss Cane as she was so old fashioned in her ways and strict.

No wonder he kept their relationship a secret from the other kids would have wondered what he saw in her. It would have caused him so much bullying and stress. Lee found it hard enough to make friends as it was and he was always getting bullied and into trouble enough all ready. Without giving too much of the story away in the introduction Lee could anger people very easily.

 People who Lee went to school with were very shocked when Lee married Miss Cane. Many people knew he was an easy target to bully and he easy got into trouble but no one knew he had strange ways in his taste.

 People he went to school thought a hard woman like Miss Cane was the last kind of woman he would have married. Most people who knew Lee bullied him. He was known as a cry baby because he was very good at upsetting people and putting foot in yet. It was never on purpose though because never understand what could wide people up yet coming between Dan and Joanne was a purpose thing because he really did have the hots for Joanne.

Believe or not Lee Marrying and divorcing Miss Cane did him a world of good. Lee became a different person and stronger than he was school. All these people he didn't get along with in school he started to get along with. Lee even started going to Night school to catch on his education. He learned a lot better than he didn't school because for someone reason as an adult he found easier to relax better than he ever did as a child.

Not long after Lee caused jealously between Joanne and Dan, they changed school as soon as they moved into the sixth form. Lee tried to move on with them but Joanne and Dan left London Senior School without telling Lee. Lee never saw them again; he had a feeling that they had left London as he hadn't seen them outside of school since school. It was strange because Dan used to live in the same street as Lee.

The rest is for your readers to find out more.

Chapter two.

BIRD WATCHER WHO SPIES.'

Joanne Evans and Dan Richards met at a Senior Grammar school in London in the 1960s.  They were both eleven years old. The Joanne, Dan and his best mate Lee were in the same class together.

Joanne and Dan were both 'Beatles' fans. The songs were very special to both of them. Dan looked like John Lennon. Dan was very interested in history to do with war by trying to give peace. He wanted to know why wars happen. He like John Lennon because he had a lot in common with him and he loved his music, which made him feel very relaxed and calmed his temper down. Dan was also a lonely child like John Lennon and he was very quiet. Dan had a very hard childhood, which made him the person he was. Dan's Father was a heavy drinker; he used to hit his Mother and Dan. Dan used to try to think how to get away from it all, when he was old enough too. Dan could not sing or play music but he could write poetry and draw.

He was a big fan of Mick Jagger from the 'Rolling Stones', he had a rubber lips just like Mick Jagger.

One Friday, Dan was off school with a Stomach bug, it must have been something wrong with that steak and kidney pie he had from the Chip shop.

Lee Dean’s, who Dan thought was his friend, thought it was a great chance to go after Joanne.

“Are you free tomorrow Joanne because I don't think Dan will be well enough?"

“Lee by the sounds of your voice, you are after something because Dan is not here."

“The answer to your question is no!"

Lee carried on giving Joanne a bad time but Joanne was not having any of it. Lee had been very jealous but he turned his back, huffed, puffed and sulked because he was not getting his own. Strangely he suddenly sang, thinking Joanne could not hear him.

“I CANNOT GET NO SATISFACTION”!

“Please you Joanne, Dan is using."

After Friday morning break, Lee asked his teacher Mr. Johns, if he could set him up a bird project for home work. He made out to Mr. Johns that he was very interested in the subject of bird watching, meaning the birds that fly but not truth Lee Lied.

Lee was a show off, bragger and wanted everything he could not have. He lost a lot of friends because he wanted their girlfriends so he could not get girlfriend himself. Lee could be alright if and when he wanted to.

“I want to take up bird watching sir, can you set me up some homework please."

“I am sure I can do that Lee."

“I want to study all kinds of birds, sir."

The whole class worked Lee's thoughts, and then started to laugh but Lee was dying to laugh but he knew he'd get found. Mr. Johns shouted in a very angry voice.

“What you all laughing at."

 They all sat in their seats trying to keep straight faces, they knew Lee was up to something but they did not know what.

Mr. Johns became very cross because he could not understand why the whole class was laughing.

 Mr. Johns gave Lee his home work.

It was Saturday morning; Dan started to feel a bit better so he rang Joanne up. Joanne told Dan what happened with Lee while Dan was not in school. Dan could not believe it.

“Dan, Lee is after me."

“No he is not, he just likes the doing things I don't like him doing when I am not in his company."

“Dan, Lee is doing a bird project for home work."

"The only bird Lee is interested in is the human female birds."

Joanne and Dan planned to go to Saint James Park.

“Anyway I will meet you at 12.00pm for lunch at Saint James Park, Joanne."

“Ok, Dan."

“We will try to find a private place in the park, Joanne."

“Yes, that will be great Dan."

Both Joanne and Dan looked forward to a nice hot sunny peaceful day in the park. The weather was lovely but they thought they found the private spot behind the park shed where the Park keeper directed them. It was in a romantic field full of roses, trees, brushes and singing animal birds.

They just got on as couples do and started talking about their hopes when they leave school, until someone tried to come in bet ween them.

Without them knowing, Lee had put a pair of step ladders by a high fence, he was looking through his Father's binoculars. Joanne and Dan did not notice at first. Lee was so happy to notice Joanne; he near enough fell off the ladder with the binoculars in his hands. Lucky Lee only just managed to save himself from falling off the ladder. Lee had to be careful he didn't damage his Dad's binoculars, Lee’s Dad did not know Lee took them, B he'd be for if he damaged them. Joanne heard the nose of the ladders going while Dan was a sleep, which woke Dan up.

Joanne stood up in her pink bikini; little did she know at that point Lee wrote on a brown paper bag. Lee put the brown paper bag into his blazer pocket as quick as he could. He was still strangely wearing his school uniform on a Saturday. Lee was hoping that Joanne and Dan would not notice him spying on them.

 'PINK TIT BIRDIE'.

“What on earth are you doing here Lee?"

Lee laughed.

“I am doing my bird project home work for Mr. Johns, Dan."

“Don’t lie Lee, you bored because you have not got a girlfriend." said Joanne

 “What kind of bird are you looking for Lee?" asked Dan

“Pink Tit bird, Dan."

Dan laughed.

The fall out carried on over whether Lee was bored without a girlfriend or if it was bird project home work. Dan and Joanne took a look around to see if there were any birds such as a pink tit.

“There’s no sign of a pink tit bird here Lee." said Joanne

 “It could be a bird, we have never heard of before, I saw it in my bird project book at home."

“Have you got your book on you now?" asked Dan

 “No I forgot it."

Dan could not be bothered falling out.

 “Bring it to school on Monday Lee!"

“Have you got your book on you now?" asked Dan

“No I forgot it."

Dan could not be bothered falling out.

“Bring it to school on Monday Lee!"

“Ok."

Both Joanne and Dan knew Lee was up to something.

It was Monday morning, Mr. Johns asked.

 “Home work, Lee Deans!"

 Lee showed Mr. Johns a brown paper.

 “What are you doing with a brown paper bag, boy that's not homework and what kind of bird are you looking for?"

“PINK TIT, sir."

Whole class started laughing yet again apart from Joanne and Dan.

“Everyone stops laughing!" said Mr. Johns as he caned Lee seven times.

 The whole class stopped laughing as Lee was screaming. Poor Lee was shaking like a leaf; they all felt sorry for him in a strange way, even Joanne and Dan.

“Now sit down boy, I bet you won't sit down for a week now!"

Lee tried to sit down, it hurt so much he got up again but Mr. Johns force him to sit back down again.

“I told you it would hurt boy, sit back down, I am going to talk to the whole class."

 Mr. Johns got his bird project book out of his old wooden desk.

“Now children open your desks, your bird projects books should be there, so see if there's a Pink tit".

Everyone looked, everyone said.

“No Sir."

“Okay, we will go for a mini bus ride to Saint James Park to see if there is any such bird as a Pink tit bird."

 Suddenly everyone looked around for this Pink tit bird in Saint James park bit no sign.

You see Lee, no one can find this Pink tit bird in the park either, you are wasting a lot of class time." said Mr. Johns

“Sorry sir."

“Sorry is not good enough, Lee; it's now 12.00pm everyone's lunch time."

Suddenly going back to school in the mini bus Dan and Joanne told Mr. Johns what Lee was playing at.

“Why didn't you tell me this morning?"

“We thought this would make things worse, sir." said Dan

“You have made it even worse Dan, by leaving it to the last minute."

"Now I don't have to deal with just one of you but three. All three of you will all have the cane, distension and lines."

Mr. Johns rang the children’s' parents up, as soon as they got home they got the cane again.

 Mr. Johns got very cross with Lee.

“I have heard that you had spied on Joanne and Dan in the park Saturday afternoon."

“I was doing my homework sir."

“See your fibbing again, Lee."

Lee stood shaking as Mr. Johns gabbed the collar Lee’s shirt.

“I think you are very jealous of Dan and Joanne, you like spoiling thing for other people and you hate it when you don't get your own way."

“Why did you do it Lee?"

“It was a joke, sir."

 “One sick joke, that's just gone too far, don't you mean?"

 “What started this silly game?"

 “I can't get any satisfaction out of these girls sir."

“You won't have a girlfriend or friends, if you try to take your friend girls off them."

“I didn't mean to hurt anyone, sir."

“You can't always get your own way, Lee."

“I will try to keep that in mind, sir."

“Now let's get on with it, I am still not very happy with you Lee."

Lee had to write his lines.

 I MUST NOT TRY IT ON GET  WITH MY FRIEND'S GIRLFRIEND.

The three children had to spend two hours after school in school. Mr. Johns told the class what happened on that Saturday afternoon. Joanne and Dan didn't think that Mr. Johns would say anything to the class. They found out what a mistake it was to tell Mr. Johns but this pink tit joke would have still been going on. Lee had spoiled his friendship with Joanne and Dan forever. It did not seem to bother Lee how Joanne and Dan felt; he did not care about people's feelings. It was one big joke to Lee On the bright side Joanne and Dan left London to never have been seen again, due to Lee's behavior.

The next day it never dawned on anyone that Joanne and Dan had left only that they may have not have been well. No one even rang in to the let the school know. Lee wasn't the only reason for them to leave London. Both of them had parents who weren't getting on anymore and who were on the verge of divorces, the stresses were just too much for both of them. It was the day after they were detention that they managed to pack their bags and leave on the night time. They packed as quickly as they could but both sets of parents were rowing too much to notice their children were getting ready to go wherever. It’s unknown where they did go.

It was only Joanne’s Father Mark who passed Lee on the Friday morning to ask if he has seen his daughter. Lee kept his thoughts to himself knowing that this man used to beat Joanne. Lee never blamed Joanne for running away. It only hurt Lee that Joanne ran away with Dan not Lee. Nasty man, thought Lee, no wonder she ran away, I remember her showing me the bruises on her arm where she said her Father hit her. He hits her Mother the same way.

 “I don't know Mark I haven't see either of them since Monday."

“Thanks for that Lee; we have had the police out for her and everything."

“Sorry to hear that Mark, I will let you know if I see around."

“Thanks Lee."

“May be I can knock on Dan's door and ask his parents if Dan is around or not."

“Oh yes Lee that is possible, since she's not been seen since Thursday night, which was only last night.”

“Since Joanne has been seeing that Dan, Joanne’s behavior has changed, Lee."

“Ok, by Mr. Evans."  

“Mr. Evans walked off with so much shame and guilt.

Lee walked up to knocked the Rich son’s door, the lights were on and curtains were open. Mrs. Richardson was doing her knitting and Mr. Richardson was smoking a pipe. Lee stood for ages knocking but no one answered.

CHAPTER THREE.

LEE KISSED THE SIXTH FORM TEACHER.

Suddenly Lee looked at his watch to realize he was late for school. He knew he was going to be trouble as he had maths with Miss Cane. The snow was very deep as young Lee still had miles to walk. It looks as if Lee loved firefly women his day as he was looking forward and dreading the strict school teacher with a thin old cracked face and a brown and cream dog checked coat. I love women when they get angry Lee though.  

“Sorry I’m late Miss the snow is so deep today”

“Walk up my desk Deans so I can give a good spanking, for been late!”  

Lee as cheeky as he was, he looked at the other kids with such a big smile.

 “Oh yes please Miss Cane any time.”

“You are going to regret you have said that young Deans.”

“Really.”

Wrack! Lee screamed

“Now stand up, you won’t sit down for week boy, you back side is so sore.”

 Yes it is love thought Lee.

“By the way Lee, you have detention tonight.”

“I know why you are smiling Lee.”

“Sorry Miss.”

Oh do Miss though Lee.

The kids there and laugh.

“Does anyone else want a wrack?” as Miss Cane stood up waving the cane in front of every child’s face as the look their faces started to change from laughing to fear.

 At the end of the day Lee needed to correct him maths because he was so poor in his as Miss Cane went through it with him. Lee’s feelings for Miss Cane were so strong that he couldn't control his emotions. Despite of Lee been a very cheeky child he felt guilty for the he felt, which made his feel ashamed and nervous.  He couldn’t keep his thoughts to himself yet he was dreading telling Miss Cane how he felt that way about her. It seemed strange that such a young boy of 16 to 18 could take such a shine an old hag of a teacher like that. Due to Miss Cane’s such strict ways is why Lee was dreading her response for him having felt that way towards her.

 It was no wonder he kept it secret from all the children in the school he would be bullied more, he put up with enough bully as it was.  

“I have something to tell you Miss which is very hard to.”

“Oh right, get on with it boy, get on with it!”

Red and sweat just came out of him. Miss Cane’s patience’s were wearing. He was so scared of what she was going to say to him. He could she wasn't wearing forever so he well what will be will be.

“I fancy you Miss Cane.”

By Lee’s surprise and shock Miss Cane said.

“An old hag like me going with a gentle boy like you.”

“What strange taste have you got boy, you cannot be serious.”

“Oh I can be I have never been serious in my whole dam life.”

“Now your asking for it boy, do you want another wrack?”

“Oh that’s what I love about you Miss is the anger in you.”

“Now I am getting to like you boy, your so brave to face such a woman like me.”

“This wasn't easy to tell you Miss.”

“You have guts boy I give you that.”

“What’s the answer Miss?”

“Yes oh yes boy.”

“Are sure Miss?”

“I wouldn't say yes if I wasn't serious boy.”

“I think you need to learn more that school education off me, boy.”

“What kind of education is that miss, love and sex boy.”

It was 5pm; Miss Cane and Lee were the only people in the building. They spent an hour together, and then Lee walked it home as if it was a normal detention.

Miss Cane was very crafty; she only did detentions when Lee needed be in detention so she didn't lose her job. Lee accepted that, they both knew they had to be very careful by keep their relationship a secret, which they didn't. No one knew anything until they were married but then divorced.

Miss Cane carried on working until Lee left school, got through his exams and then went onto college. They both agreed to marry when Lee left school. Miss Cane took an early retirement and bought a house for her and Lee. Lee got a job as a reporter until he went onto university, then he bebecame a writer after he had done his English degree. Even though Miss Cane retired she still supported Lee through his studying during marriage life.

By the time Lee was 21 and Miss Cane was in her mid to late 40s the marriage was going down hill. Thorough the differences in age, they way they both thought and everything else it was time for a change. By then Lee was growing up a bit and wondering what he ever saw in such a woman. The marriage was a big mistake anyway and it all happened for the wrong reason. It was all one big joke to start off with. Lee realized that he would to meet someone younger, he may have had children and even marriage again.

 It was rather sad for Miss Cane though who had never had a great deal of luck relationships in fact before Lee. For one it never interested her before hand. Miss Cane was strict and old fashioned in her ways for people like that before and after the 60s was very few and between.