poetry blog

Introduction 

Hi everyone, happy New Year and I hope you have had a nice Christmas.  Firstly I want to say thank you for your comments to those who have over the years, sorry I haven't gotten back to you to those who may be still reading, and thank you for your patience.

 I have no excuse other than being thoughtless. I have had this website for 18 years with the support my Mium and sister. We set up this website just after my Nan died. This website is not only about me, but for others who face similar, their family, parents, friends, others who may teach them, support, them care for them, and more. Even though I concentrate on my first-hand experience of having disabilities and mental illness. Also, I guess those who may like art, poetry, and more. 

We all have our opinions on what is good and bad. I would not call myself a good artist, I would call myself a good poet, it is just words and pictures trying to express what I am trying to say. 

 As you may imagine, I don't know who my readers are. Now for saying this, I guess you may be thinking it's about time Sara is making changes. I am sorry for the repeated posts but I am going to try this year to delete some old posts and replace them with new posts and I hope to bring new things, that may not be on this website yet. If I am honest I am not sure myself what. 

At the moment for many reasons, I won't bore you with it, I am not working, or studying but I will carry on raising more disability and mental health awareness and writing poetry, etc.

 What may be new is I am doing a lot of artwork as well, and I am going to try to put it on here. 

One thing I have never said sorry for and I am doing so now is not good spelling, not good grammar, not making sense, etc but hopefully does not happen in every word I say. 

It may take me quite a while to work this post alone, I have so much to do so sorry if this takes so long. I hope to achieve a lot by the time this new year has finished and hopefully, it will be more interesting than what it has been at the same time I understand I cannot please everyone and again I am very sorry about that due to my disabilities and more but hopefully I make sense in the best way I can. 

Sorry world. 

I understand that you may not understand me.

I am not alone, there are plenty of others who face

 the same if not similar to me.

It is hard for you to understand what it is like to be us.

It is hard for us to understand what is like to be each other 

because we have so much of us different from one another

 but for some of us, we are so much the same as one another.

No more different to all of you. 

It is hard for us to understand what it is like for you to be you.

It is even hard for all of you to understand what it is like for you all

 to be each other because one of you

 is different in some ways but the same in others.

How boring would it be if we were all the same in every way

but how boring would it be,

 if we were all different in every way.

None of us want shame, neither want pretty, nor want to be poor, so the list goes on.

Meaning none of us want sympathy.

We just want to be treated and seen as human beings like everyone.

Sorry for our breathing.

Sorry for being here.

We do not mean to be a burden to you all.

We do not mean to cost you, time, work, and money. 

All the same, we did not make ourselves how we are. 

There is no way anyone can ask us what we

 want to be for the world and ourselves.

No one is to blame, in fact, no one needs to say sorry.

We want to be as independent as we can be. 

We did not ask to be different, we are not different,

 it is just what is inside us. 

We just need a bit of help with everyday skills

 some of us more than others.

We have abilities as well as disabilities,

 meaning struggles and strengths.

We are more than who and what we were both to be.

We are ourselves. 

Not everyone is born with their problems, some come before,

 during, or after.

Whichever way, we did not plan it out to be the way we are. 

Autism

Most people think we are normal, whatever normal is.

What is normal at the end of the day? 

If we stand up, walk, and more, they may think we manage life the same as them,

 and other people.

They don't know what is behind the mask. 

If they do see the struggles, they wonder why we do. 

Not everyone can do everything the same as everyone else.

Not everyone can do things at the same age as everyone.

Not everyone can do everything, in fact, no one can do everything.

As a child, like many children, I hated school.

For me, I was surrounded by strangers, which I thought upset me but

 really I was anxious about being away from those

 I do know, my Mother and family. 

When I did get to know the other children, 

I did not learn anything, I was bullied but

 I was not alone, other children faced the same if not similar.

Not all the children hated me but most did. 

On the positive side, without bragging, people with Autism are created in their own way. 

I caught up with most of my education by going to college. 

I have had many meltdowns as a child, teenager, and young adult but I do not have as many now, and at fifty - five years old I should have any at all. 

Dyspraxia.

At times my speech may not be understood.

My speech may not be clear.

That is because I am mildly brain-damaged on the left-hand side of my brain.

Some people just may face it on the right-hand - side of the brain.

Dyspraxia is similar if not the same as a stroke.

I do not have the strength to grip.

I can only carry one hot drink at a time, that is in my right hand.

Sometimes it may depend on whether I carry a cup or a mug. 

My hands may shake as pencils may break. 

My handwriting may be a mess and all over the good 

without lines or a margin on the paper but that is down to my Dysgraphia. 

Dyspraxia is a learning difficulty that causes people

 to struggle with skills like cleaning teeth and tying shoe laces.

Dyspraxia causes fine motor skills difficulties and coordination difficulties.

However, some skills people may overcome, and others they may not. 

No one knows, who if, when, or what. 

It may be different people with different skills. 

Writing may hurt people's hands, and they may find it easier to type. 

That does not mean they cannot write or will not.

There are positives in Dyspraxia as well as difficulties,

 even though there are a lot of difficulties.

Childhood years may face a lot of messy writing without lines and margins.

Grammar, spelling, and more may be poor.

People may not be perfect but they may improve the older we get. 

Dyspraxia causes difficulty in adult life as well, household skills, cooking, 

shopping, money, and more.

Again different people may improve in different skills, some not all skills,

 others maybe not all.

Sorry, I do not know for sure, I can only speak for myself what I am good and bad at.

On the education side, Dyspraxia is similar if not the same as Dyslexia. 

It can be hard to know if someone has Dyspraxia, Dyslexia, or both. 

Maybe search engine the question, the answer may be interesting.

Some people may find it hard to do jigsaw puzzles, crosswords, and more.

Dyspraxia is a hidden learning difficulty

 but there are abilities, such as creative minds,

 like art and poetry.

It can also cause a lot of Anxiety and furstraghten

 when people are struggling to do things but

achievements along the way. 

I have fallen over and got back up again physically,

 and mentally all my life and I am still alive. 

Just when you think you will not make it, you do. 

Dyslexia. 

My reading, writing, and spelling are not all good, but they are not all that bad.

The same for others who have Dyslexia but have strengths and difficulties in different skills.

Please do not judge us for not being able to read, write, and spell, we all can, we just have difficulties along the way.

Even those who cannot read, write, or spell at all know what is going on around them, they have stories to tell and more as everyone with different strengths and difficulties, different in different people. 

We cannot take in what we have read and what people have said to us. 

Some things we may take in, others we may not or we may not take in anything at all.

That does not mean we are interested or not, it means it is part of our dyslexia meaning lack of communication and understanding. 

Despite that, we may make good poets, writers, and more in different ways.

We may be good at drawing, painting, and more in different ways.

We may miss words out of sentences, put words in the wrong places, know the letters are in the words but put them in the wrong places, order, and more, this may be the same with numbers. 

We may find it hard to create safe passwords but we have strengths in other ways. 

We may not read all of a book if we do, we do not remember what it is about, same with watching TV but then we may pick up some things not others but again we all have different strengths and difficulties. 

Dyslexia is the same if not similar to ADHD, we may struggle to concentrate but again maybe in different areas of life as one another. 

There is more to Dyslexia than meets the eye, maybe more than even I can think of, and I may have Dyslexia myself. 

Dyslexia and other problems do not make you thick, they just make you need to think more than other people, which may take more time than other people. 

Each one of us has a talent but in different ways. 

Dyslexia in my opinion is a mental education difficulty but with talents. 

What do you think?

Anxiety.

 If you fear a lot, it is Anxiety.

To me, fear feels like you are locked in a room, 

you cannot get out without a key that you have not got.

You feel like you are trapped in your own emotions and thoughts.

You feel overwhelmed by being surrounded by so many people you do not know but it takes time to get to know them. 

Like you're standing up on a mountain or up the stairs and down feels like a long fall. 

You feel like you have the evil devil or an evil monster inside you. 

You do not feel calm until you are swimming in the deep blue sea. 

You feel like a piece of glass that will smash. 

Like your mind is not thinking at all or all the time to the point you struggle to sleep. 

Like your anger like the wind. 

Depression 

It feels like no one knows what you are going through.

No one knows what goes on behind closed doors. 

What are you thinking?

Why are you thinking about it?

Sometimes or some of us do not know why ourselves. 

We are either doing too much of something, not enough, or nothing at all. 

Whether it is eating, sleeping whatever it may be. 

Depression is like one big fog, a big black cloud hanging

 over you until it bursts to rain as you cry.