My early piece of work. These poems were written at different times in my life, which started with words coming out of my mind of how I was feeling those different times. A lot of the time, my mind was all over the place. A lot of these thoughts I don't have anymore.
Joyful happy love.
I hope forever love.
We went everywhere together.
We should have loved forever.
I don't think he will now love me never.
Joy and peace for life.
Without one another my happiness has end so it will never mend.
To be lonely is not me.
To love one another even through sadness and shame.
I will love someone one day for the birds to sing in the sky in the spring.
I should be able to hear the voice of love right over hear.
Sing out about love clear!
1998.
I must say sorry to how my mind was working back then. This was a time I thought love would forever.
Heart of gold.
A heart of gold is a heart of love.
To be a good woman and good man.
To show your love to one another in the best possible way until you dieing day.
Eternal love did not last at all.
Eternal love towards engagement and marriage forever more. 1989.
Words.
Words that go through your mind.
Words could mean anything at all.
When I am a long words go through my head.
Some words can't wait to be said so they have to be written.
Sometimes words don't want to be said.
Some words can be frightened to be said. Mid 20th century to 21st century.
I am finding it hard to come to terms that you have gone to heaven.
I wish you peace in heaven because you did not have any peace on earth.
You were and always be a very special Grandmother to me.
It has not been the same since you have gone but life goes on.
I know you would not want us to live in sadness but in happiness.
My future is my career, love and friendship to be.
It does not mean think that the family does not think about but we understand now you want peace from the pain you had. 25.8.2007
To my lovely Nan.
It was such a delight to have you around in my life.
The first memory I can remember of been with you, was when you took me to the caravan in Wales.
Uncle David only drove as far as the Victoria hotel in Wolverhampton, I asked.
" Are we nearly there?"
I am so sorry that I was such hard work for you.
Thank you for looking after me.
Even now I feel as if you are still looking after me.
I will treasure you and the memories I had with you with love.
You have always been and always will be a very special Nan.
Why do I have to let you know how I feel when it's too late?
You never know who and what you have lost until you have lost them or it.
You are my special Nan because you were there from when I was born.
It was hard to believe that one day you would have to say good bye, now that you have I miss you everyday.
You were more than special, you were bright.
It's hard to believe that this is the first Christmas and your first birthday that I won't be seeing you. 25.8.2007
I hope your pain has gone.
I hope your pain has gone now Nan.
I hope heaven is more peaceful for you than earth was.
All your friends and family have very special thoughts for you.
We all miss you here on earth.
Life is not the same without you Nan.
Nothing more has made me feel sad other than knowing that I miss you not being here.
I will never forget you but it's time to move on because I know I will never see you here like I used to.
As much as I miss you, I hope your pain has gone. 25.8.2007
People say I look young.
People say I look young, if I do Nan it's all down to you.
A majority of people say I look like you.
If I do look like you, I am the happiest woman in the world Nan.
You have always been the best Nan in the world and always will.25.8.2007
No one kinder than Nan.
There is no one kinder than you, Nan.
I am so lucky to have such a lovely Nan.
Now that you are at peace, there are no words to explain how much I miss you.
Thank you for giving me the most happiest times of all. 25.8.2007.
Everything will be a crime.
The way the world is going now, everything do and say will be a crime.
Even picking ones' nose will be a crime, it may be a bad thing but it should not be a crime.
Once a upon a time, yes we had rules but we also had a three country.
Now it's just non - stop rules in the country.
Now there does not seem to be any freedom in the country.
The government cuts like a knife.
This sick government is killing us all.
No wonder people like Jim Hendrix's killed himself.
Life was bad enough then but worse now. 1997 to 2009
Why don't you come down to mine often?
You don't come down to mine in the pouring rain.
Come down when the sun starts to shine!
Why not make a night in my private home?
You can sleep and dream until the morning light. 2001 to 2007.
Looking forward not back.
I must look forward not back.
I must not hang around looking at the past.
I must stand on my feet not where I am not wanted.
I should be just fine to look after my new lover and friend in a friendship and hopefully relationship that will never end. 1997 -2000
I'm frightened to love but frightened of losing love.
I am so frightened to love again.
I have had so many guys that have messed up my head.
I will be brave one day to love again, your the only man that makes me feel love again.
I have always had hope at the back of my mind that you will mine.
I can't help the way I feel about you, I think I am falling towards you.
Please don't play on the way I feel about you because I have had too guys who have done that before.
Please don't treat me like a bouncing ball because I am human like you!
I know I am not wonder woman but I will do anything I can for you.
Can we please slow this relationship down?
We have only known one another five minutes.
With any luck we might make it. 1997 - 2000
I wish love was forever.
I wish love was forever on earth and in heaven.
I was so wrong to think love is forever.
I was so wrong to wish love is forever.
I must be strong enough to accept that love is not forever. 1997
Will you stay with me?
Will you stay with me, then everything is mine and yours to share?
Please stay with me, I love you more than just a true friend!
All my life I have been going round in circles.
Men have driven me round the bend.
I need someone to stay with me until the end.
Please don't cheat on me like many of the others, I have had enough!
He was such a loser going off with another woman.
He's off his head, what earth does he see in her?
Please don't rush into a relationship with me?
So many men have played with my feelings. 1997 - 2000
My worries are over.
My worries are over!
What am I thinking about?
I am now with you, only you I have to think about.
Stress from my ex lovers I have got my anger out.
No more talking about my ex lovers.
Just say hello and good bye when they walk passed.
I will close the door on bad rubbish.
I have no worries no more. 22.8.2000
The way of love.
You can change your mind as many times as you change your socks.
You have given me so much love yet so much hate.
It would nice to have someone who loves me for me, not someone who messes my head with dirt and rubbish.
Now I should move on and see what's round the condor from me. 1997
Love has been blind.
Love has been blind too many times.
Many times for me, love has been thrown in the bin.
I thought you were the man of dreams.
You don't love me as I thought you did.
I thought I was lucky enough to have a love like you but I was so wrong. 1997
Shep.
Old Shep was a Rough Colly dog brought for my sister Holly Wood.
Shep was a very good pet dog.
He was a lot older than the Rough Colly we had before, his name was Baz.
Baz was just a baby, we needed to calm him down. 2000 onwards.
I can't help the way that I feel.
I am so sorry but I can't help the way that I feel about you.
I am sorry that I don't how you feel, I wish you could make up your mind what you want in life.
I am sorry I don't show my love for you but you don't show your love to me.
I am sorry about getting upset so easy, you hurt me so I hurt you.
Most of all of I am ashamed to be in love with you.
May be it would be better to finish after, it sounds as if that's what you want. 2007
Where are you going Nan?
I hope you are going to a peaceful place Nan.
You may even see the Fairlie's.
I remember Uncle Chris telling me that great Gran had gone to live with Jesus when I was little, I really believed that Jesus' house was on earth.
I remember wondering why no one would take me to see great gran.
As the years had gone by, I learned that she had gone for life.
Now life is too short to waist but it will be too long to be without you. 2007
Life.
Life can be full of beauty and love.
We must live for the stars above.
Flowers, romance and love.
The night can be dark but the day can be, that is the ups and downs of love.
Here comes the morning light when things are going good.
Here is the dark nights when things go bad.
We see beauty of flowers by the sunlight.
The love of a bright red rose that becomes far too close.
To forget lost love forever more is not always easy to do.
The law of love and beauty.
Now I won't love again as I can't love you. 1997.
Happiest is what we want.
To want happiest is to get happiest.
Happiest starts to want inside your mind.
When happiest comes it does not always last, make the most of that.
Sadness does not last either.
There are so many changes in life from happy to sad. 1997.
Poems for the year 1998.
In 1998 to love with faith.
To started a career after love falling into a garden gate.
To love someone who loves me for me.
To make more friends.
To move on.
To enjoy life and stay forever young.
To be strong to ups and downs. 1997 - 1998.
Up to date poem.
Mobile phones
Text messages
Missed calls
Computers
Download
Save to disc
and so the list goes on.
This is what you call 21st century English.
This is the way it must be, goodness knows in future centuries what we won't see. 2007.
May be we are strange.
May be we are strange people living in a strange country, full stop.
We can't help the way we are or can we?
We have very strange weather, rain and shine in five minutes time.
We are the weather that can't make up it's mind.
Now you can't make up your mind.
May be I am as bad, what are we like?
STRANGE!
That does me to say that I am confused only because you are but you are confusing me. 2007.
Lucy.
Lucy had her kittens under the kitchen table.
What a black and white fluffy family.
They all had lovely fur. 2007.
Baz.
I remember Rough Colly Baz.
He was a wild running lad.
I used to run along the garden with him so fast.2007
Letty.
I use to have a black cat named Letty but she had white under her chin.
Her eyes were dark green.
I don't seem to have a memory of her attacking me, she must have been a very calm pus for a young child to play with.
I feel so guilty, I must have pulled her tail not understanding that I might have hurt her. 2007
Stay forever young.
Never let anything worry you.
Everything will come into place.
Let others help you!
Never let people put on you.
Climb the ladder step by step.
You will get were you want to get in the end.
Everyone will have a true friend in you.
Keep you hands and feet busy.
You will stay forever young and complete. 22.8.2000
I hate it when the clocks stop.
I hate it when the clocks have to stop but they can't go on forever.
I never know how long it is waiting for the bus.
I never whether I have missed the bus.
May be I have not got there right on time.
What if I have an appointment, will I be late for that?
Well thank goodness for batteries but not the clocks going forward and back.
I will worry about the right time when it come. 2007
Hot Summer.
I do not mind the hot sunny days but not when it gets too hot.
If the weather is too hot it does not agree with me.
It's not easy to fall a sleep in the hot weather but it can be too easy to fall a sleep in the sun.
Don't forget the sun cream!
Let's protect ourselves from getting burn but let's go lovely and brown!
Let's cool down with drinking water and on our bodies!
I hate the insects that bit us in the day and night, they fly round in doors by the food.
It's causes such nasty germs.
It's nice to eat outside in the summer but not when the insects are around.
2007
Spring is here never fear.
Today spring is not spring like summer is not summer.
We have four seasons in one day Britain.
It's been a good many years since we used to get the straight seasons we used to get.
The good thing about the spring that the birds sings and lay their eggs.
The lambs are born to jump around.
Everyone seems happy on warm spring days, which is very rare today.
I love frogs that jump around in the rain. 2007
The four seasons.
Spring
Summer
Autumn
And
Winter.
One
Whole
Year
Of
Days
And
Nights.2007
We should show love for one another.
It's not very often we show love for one another.
When love happens it really happens.
These days our love is so rare, I wonder if anything is anymore there.
If you don't love me anymore, please just say!
There's plenty fish in the sea I am sure.
If you still love me then let me know and show me more otherwise I will be out the door.
I'm a woman, I am frightened of making a fool of myself in case you don't have the same feelings as I do.
If you have stopped loving me, then I should be ashamed of feeling the way I do towards you.
I have no control of how I feel towards you.
I'm just so sorry that I can't do the right thing.
I find it hard to let go of you after all those years been on and off with you. 2007
The text message.
Why am I hoping that everything is alright between us when it's not?
Why am I bothering with you?
Why don't you like me, saying I love you in a text message?
Why do you act strange are you up to something?
Why are you sending and getting texts every five minutes?
Why do I feel this way about you?
Why can't I just walk out on you what you are putting me through?
Do you want me to feel this way about you?
All I know is that I am so foolish still being in love with you.
I don't know why I love you but I do.
Don't you love me anymore?
Just tell me if you don't love me anymore!
Don't mess me around in and out of a text message!
It most likely cost too much to say you love me in a text but you send enough texts out and get many back in a short amount of time.
Oh I am sorry I have said the wrong thing yet again.
There's no pleasing in you, is there?
You know I love you so much, them you play on it.
I have a good mine to send this poem to you in a text but I don't want to encourage us to fall out again.
Sometimes you can be such hard work but as mad as it sounds I still love you. September 2007 - May 2009
What will be will be.
Don't ask or hope for anything.
Just stay put.
Don't think about what to do or what not to do.
What happens happens.
Come on you have known him long enough.
Don't be surprised or shocked about anything or anybody.
Why don't you get out before it's too late?
Long love is too much of a drug.
Why stay where you are if you are not loved and wanted?
It's not easy to be strong enough when you have been there too long.
Come on you must be strong. September 2007 - May 2009
We parted over a misunderstanding.
You must have known how I felt that cold Saturday September evening, when my family dug my Nans ashes to the ground.
Thank you very much for your support, you dumped me and I thought you loved me but I was wrong.
You must have known I was not thinking straight when I said what I said.
You must have know I did not mean what I said.
I know you will never forgive me for what I said.
You must have known that I did not mean to hurt you when I was upset myself.
You must have known very well that I still love you.
In your eyes there's no going back on what I said it's too late for everything.
What not look forward rather than going back, start a fresh.
Why do you have to be so sad?
Like I said to you I must accept what you want, it should not come as any shock or surprise to me. September 2007 - May 2009
May be we can take it slow.
I weep so much when I don't see you, I feel so low what you put me.
I am upset over my regret, I should not have said what I said otherwise we would have been still together.
It's no good me building my hope about anything or anyone.
If you are willing to take it slow who knows what the future brings?
Don't hang me on a piece of string!
I feel so much anger inside as if someone has put a knife through me, I wish you would not do this to me! September 2007 - May 2009
No change.
I hate the cold winter time of the year, sleet, hale, snow and rain.
Christmas season costing too much again. 2007
On a Autumn's day.
I remember the leaves all over the floor as you opened the door.
You would walk through the leaves as you when to school.
I remember feeling the leaves under my feet as they touched the ground.
The trees blew in the wind from side to side as the leaves hit the ground. 2007
How did we get here?
Was living in this unkind life meant to be?
The way the world is going, is it worth the world carrying standing?
Society is so wrong to introduce crime to the world.
We all know that there is not any perfect world but it's getting worse.
The way it's going, people won't be able to enjoy life. 2000 - 2003
Freedom.
Today freedom is not a word that is promised.
Everyone understands Britain's rule's are over the top.
At one time people were free in Britain but not anymore.
Now we hear about too much killing and shooting on the news.
That's not what you call freedom.
Let's face it folks there's no freedom to be.
It makes us wonder why we are here at all.
There no answer to why we are here and why there is a world. 2003 onwards
New year 2003 - 2004.
Thank god Christmas is over, it costs too much for one day.
Another year to look forward to.
What's going on is anyone's guess.
I hope this a year for all of us.
I hope there will be peace not war for Iraqi.
Life will be easy and hard for us all as always.
Life does not stay the same otherwise it would be boring.
The hardest part is spending too much money for Christmas.
Trying to build money back up again is hard. 31,12.2oo3
Reasons why I wrote poems.
To let you know how much I love you.
To let you know how much I miss you.
To let you know how much I think about you.
To let you know how much more I'd like to see of you.
To let you know how lovely it is to hear your voice on the telephone.
To let you know that I understand your life style.
To let you know that I am not trying to make life hard for you.
I love you, I would never say a bad word about you. 2000 - 2001
Poems of love.
When you fall in, it's like a bright red rose.
When love ends, the petal of the flower dies and falls off everyday.
You move on to make a fresh start.
One kiss brings love back to life.
Yet again love becomes alive.
Is anyone right for anyone?
It's not very often love lasts forever these days.
Not many have been as lucky as us. 30.12.2003.
I think I have failed your love.
Why did I let you go?
I know there's no looking back.
There's no way of going back.
May be I thought it would not work out bet ween us.
I had no reason to have done what I did.
I don't know what got over me.
May be I thought I stopped loving you.
The truth is that I still do love you but what's bad on my part that I love someone else too.
I must make up my mind what I want in life.
I know it's so wrong, I am so sorry I have the same feelings for two of you.
I am stuck bet ween the two of you, I just don't know what to do.
I don't want to hurt either of you but I can't help the way I feel about you both.
I must make up my mind sooner than later.
It's no one's fault but my own. 29.12.2003
The memory of love.
The memory of love gives me happiest and joy.
The loneliness of your love gives me sadness and sorrow.
When you kissed me it was such a joy.
Your passion was like a sudden dream that seemed never ending.
Now your not with me anymore, I must have had a nightmare.1997
When I look out of my window.
I see the sky going from dull to bright.
I see the sky so dark it turns into a storm.
What strange weather we Brits have.
I don't know if I am right or wrong but I am still living in this old fashioned world.
I still need to get used to the new world. 2007
Am I just in your life for company?
You know that I love you.
Do you love me?
Why don't you show me that you love me if you do?
Why are you over me when your drunk?
Do you still love someone from your past or do you love someone new?
Have I lost it all I had in my twenties?
May be I am becoming boring as I am getting towards forty.
I must have lost it in myself.
May be I don't attract you anymore. 2007 to 2009
It all changes.
The figure has now gone.
Lines are now under my eyes.
I am not as fit as I used to be.
I don't feel good, I feel like a wreck.
Only positive thing is my education and work.
I am trying everything I can to make a difference to the lives of people with disabilities.
Don't you know how much I love you?
I know you broke my heart but I forgive you.
It may seem as love is not the same as it used to be 2007 - 2009
Love has been blind all my life.
You may have been heard of but you won't be found.
You had the chance to carry on loving me.
It's now far too late if you want to love me again.
I have took my freedom to love someone better than you.
Now that I have flown my wings I hope this love will be right for me but plenty more fish in the sea if not.
You can huff and puff as much as you like but you won't blow my house down.
I missed you when you had gone but not anymore, I have moved on. 1996 to 1997.
Long time love.
Me and you will now be without one another.
Three years ago we fell apart.
No other man could have been for me but you, how wrong was I to think so?
Your smiles when his face goes red.
Your laughs like the bright yellow sun.
Your brown eyes gives me so much surprise.
What you don't see to begin with you don't know.
After a time you find out that love is blind.
You did not turn out to be the man I was hoping for.
You hurt me so much.
I still love you but you'd hurt me again if I go back to you.
I don't know why I love you so much.
I only wish I knew why I do. 27.5.99
A friend in need is a friend indeed.
If you are help a friend, they should help you in return.
If a friend helps you in return, which you are a friend in need.
To one another you are both friends indeed.
For helping one another as true friends indeed. 20.8.99
Loving friendship.
A friendships can be loving.
You can still have loving thoughts without been lovers.
Yo can just go with the flow.
Except the excepted and the unexpected.
What will be will be.
If it's not to be it won't be.
Keep in touch with one another but don't make plans about the future.
See each other when you see each other.
Keep your loving friend like that it has more chance of lasting.
A loving friendship may well help you forget the past.
A loving friendship may or may not help you love one day more than just good friends.
Just friendship does not mean that they don't love.
Having a the opposite who is a true friends to you.
He or she will take care of you.
He or she will share with you.
He or she will talk to you.
He or she will be fair to you.
In return you must do the same for them too. 20.8.99
I don't have to be in love with you to love you.
I don't have to love you because you are a man.
I can love you as a friend.
You don't have to to love me because I am a woman.
You can love me as a friend.
What don't you accept that?
I may well still love you but as a friend.
I am trying not to love you too strong.
You were my longest lover ever, why is it too hard for me to accept it?
For you I know I must accept that you don't love me. 27.5.99
Dear Readers
Note from the poet.
I have spent about 13 years writing poetry. Here are the poems I have written over the years. Some things I find hard to say in voice to the outside world. Sometimes it's hard to put down on what's going through one's mind. I do my best to say what I mean, if you know what I mean.
Like us all there has been times than I have found life hard. My mind is not always meant to be like it should. With me having a writer's block there are also times that I can say too much. We all have good and bad times in life so this my time to explain the good and bad times I have.
I have also explained the different feelings I have had in my life towards different people I know and I have explained their feelings towards me. Like many of us there has been different stages of my life that have changed but somethings have come back again, gone again and so on.When I started writing I thought a lot of my feelings would stay the same in different things in my life but how wrong was I? That's the way life goes.
S.J Gorman 1996 to 2009
Knowing what to do.
I fell for you because I thought you had a lovely kind caring face.
After two and a half years it seemed as you were the man for me.
I still love you even now.
You gave me so much happiness at that time.
I never thought you would hurt me like you did.
It was almost as if butter would not melt in you mouth.
In the end you let me down badly.
You changed all of a sudden.
You were not the man I fell in love with.
I must have fell in love with your twin.
He looks like you but better than you.
I don't think I will meet this nice loving man again. 27.5.99
A saying: There's two people in one person: good and bad in everyone. 27.5.99
I miss you.
I miss you because you were and still are my hero.
I miss you because you cared about me and wonder if you still do.
You have always been in my dreams.
You have always been in my heart.
I have always had a lot of love for you.
You have always been my dream lover and you still are.
I fell in love with someone else who really broke my heart.
I would like to forget you as you wanted to forget me, which is very hard when I am still in love with you.
Your always in my thoughts in day and dreams at night. 12 .10.99
I wonder if you regret.
Did you know how much you hurt me when you finished with me?
Did you know how much I loved you?
It took me long enough to get over two and a half years.
I don't know why I feel the same even now.
You went a head without thinking about my feelings towards you.
Still it's not all about me. 22.10.99
In my life.
I have cried many tears and many black eyes from sleepless nights and stress over you.
In my life my eyes have cried.
One I can say is I have never cried in my life as much as I have cried over you.
Now can you see how much I love you? 29.12.99
Please don't change the man I thought I knew.
Please don't change the man I love.
If you have please bring him back how he used to be.
I still love him but what's the point I don't think there's any going back now?
Please stay the same whether you love me or not because I still love. 29.12.99
Are you happy?
Are you happy with what you have got what do you want in life?
Are you feeling unhappy with her and wishing that you never hurt me?
How do you know whether I'd take you back or not, when I don't really know myself?
I was thinking about a loving friendship then seeing how it goes from there.
I may not bother taking you back at all.
You have only got yourself to blame with what you put me through, leaving me for her. 23.10.99
I will never get him back.
I must accept that I will never get him back.
I must have been dreaming that I was with him at all.
Was he a real person and was he really human?
Did love really happen bet ween me and him?
I used to keep on listening to him knocking at my door.
One day I knew he was never going to come back at all.
The last three years I have coped with such pain.
I don't know him and I don't his name anymore and I don't think I ever did.
He was never there, he was just inside my head.
He was just a person in my dreams and who I loved so much.
He was the man who said he's not normal.
In the end my dreams just turned into nightmares and pain.
Sadly I still miss but was he really there in my life in the first place or am I just going completely mad? 1999 -2000
I am here for you.
If you want to give me another chance I am here for you.
If you don't want to give me another chance, I don't blame you what I put you through.
If you want a young woman as a loving friend or lover I am here for you.
If you want someone to talk to I am here for you.
If you want someone to cry on I am here for you.
However you want me, I am here for you.
If it's everything I am here for you too. 2.1.2000
Never forget you.
I am like many many other fans who will never forget you.
We will never forget the way you entertained us when you were singing on the stage.
You made us happy whether we were watching or if we were right by the stage.
There may well be over a million people who turned to see you.
There all came to see Queen but you Freddie Mercury were the main one, you stil are in our eyes today.
I would have loved to have seen you but I was just a child growing up. 2007.
My life has changed for the better.
It only seems like yesterday since you left me for another woman.
Thank god she was not a friend of mine.
It does not seem long since I broke down in tears, when you hurt after us been together for two and a half years.
I really thought it was the end of my life when you hurt me.
Now I know that I am stronger than what I thought I was.
I am not weak anymore, I don't think I ever was.
I would not be here if I was weak.
I never thought I'd love again but I have.
I never even thought I wanted to love again.
I feel stronger than ever before. 22.8.2000
I like you.
When I saw you we became good friends.
I am ashamed that I was not a single girl when I met you.
For a long while now I have been so unhappy on and off because things have not worked out.
Things keep on going wrong getting better again too quickly I can't keep up with it all.
I think have depression because one minute I can feel down and then I feel up.
I will feel more for seeing you.
At the moment I am not ready for anything heavy.
Would you please accept very close friends?
This will only be until we get to know one another then we will see what happens.
I hope something special will come bet ween us. 19.3.2000
Looking for love again.
It always seems as if no love works out for me.
When you look nothing seems to ever come.
When you don't look it's here before you look.
It can take so long to have love.
I can't see or feel love today.
I may love tomorrow.
If I don't tomorrow, I will love some day. 19.3.2000
Our friend is not here anymore.
He went into his bedroom.
Nobody heard him or saw him.
He was found hanging in his wardrobe.
He was a funny guy who made people laugh.
He was a clever man.
He was a young man not even twenty- one.
He had a long life to look forward to but he took his own life.
He had so many things to live for that he did not know about.
He could not cope with the stresses and pains of life.
He did not want to bother anyone with what was going through his mind.
He had so many friends who would have listened to him including myself.
That's what friends are for. 23.1.2000
I don't want to hurt you.
I love as a very close friend but we can never be more.
I know you want more from me but sorry I just don't feel for you in the same way.
I am sorry that I can't give you want in a relationship.
Please understand because I really don't want to hurt you.
You are a lovely guy, there will be someone really special to you and you will be very special to her.
Sorry it's not me, I can't bring myself to feel that way about you.
What can I do and say to make it up to you?
I hope there is not any hard feelings bet ween us.
I am a loser not you, I have only myself to blame.
Whenever you want to talk to me I will always be there for you.
If want to talk private to me I will listen to you too, I want say a word to anyone.
If do want someone to know something, if want me to pass the message on I will do.
I will let you know what they have said.
I will always want to be your friend.
I don't want to lose your friendship.
I can't love you anymore than just friendship.
Please don't except anymore from me!
Don't drive me round the bend! 21.8.99
Sorry I just can't love you the way that you want me to.
I love you as a friend but I don't love you in the way you want me to love.
I don't mean anything nasty, it's just the way I feel towards you.
I only wish it was not true.
You are a very good friend to me and I hope I am to you.
I never stop thinking about you as my friend.
I am very happy that you feel the way you do about me but I am so sorry I don't feel the same way too.
I just can't cope with any relationship like I used to. 20.8.2000
I love the wrong man.
I love the wrong man, I don't think he is for me.
I am far too good for him but he's far too bad for me.
When you love that person you give them too many chances in life.
I must be mad to do so, he's hurting me so much but love is keeping me there.
No love is not keeping me anywhere anymore, if this can't get sorted I have had enough.
The only thing that weakens me is love.
More pain I have the stronger I get but I can't take anymore.
More pain that is given you love turns to hate. 23.1.2000
Can't stop thinking about you.
I love you more and more everyday.
I know you don't love me anymore but as long as you are happy that's all what matters.
Life does not feel the same without but I have learned to live without you.
In my dreams we have kissed you one another.
I woke up and remember that you are not with me anymore, you are with another girl.
We were holding hands too.
I miss you having you next to me.
I miss us touching one another.
I miss us loving one another.
I think about you every night and day, I mist be mad.
You were my first serious love of all.
I have loved you for far too long.
I have got to learn to forget about you, which is very hard.
I must move to someone who feels the same as I do.
This hard to do when I am so in love with you.
I love and miss your company.
You always put the sunshine back into my life.
You gave me so much happiness yet you bought me so much sadness.
I have a bad feeling I won't again because you won't love me again.
I will miss everything about you, no one else will do.
You are in my dreams, memory and mind.
To me you are still mine, knowing that I can't have you I'd sooner die.
You are on my mind all the time.
Love keeps on pumping round my heart and body for you.
I can't believe I am so mad to lose so much time and energy on a man like you. 21.2.2000
Truthful person.
Male or female, we are human beings.
None of us go through life without doing some things wrong.
It's not what we wrong as much as hurting others.
What hurts is others telling the truth when it hurts.
We may well still be cross but not as cross when people lie to us.
Whether one is in the right or wrong, it's important to tell the truth.
One of the reasons for the truth is because if you lie too much, you may not get believed when you are telling the truth. 10.2.2000
I think I am having a breakdown.
I think I am having a breakdown I can feel someone pushing me over the edge.
Oh God help me!
There's no light at the end of the tunnel.
I am cracking up and I don't know where to turn.
I feel weak and useless for any man at tall.
I don't know where to go for help.
Why is my head telling me I am going to have a breakdown?
I can't see what's a head of me.
Is there a voice in my head telling me right or wrong?
God help me, I think I am going to die!
Can't eat!
Can't sleep!
I feel weak.
I've been down this road before, I will fight it, I will cope again.
I should not go through it again.
I have had a lot of bad luck with lots of men, I am still young and strong.
I am not getting any young but life is a fight.
Please tell me what hope there is? 21.2.2000
Go to sleep.
You need so much sleep because you work all the hours god sends.
When you sleep please dream of me!
When you wake please think of me.
Please tell me what you have been dreaming and thinking!
Please tell nice things but the truth about what you thought.
Sleep well I'll leave you in peace now.
When I am a sleep I dream about being beside you.
What wishful thinking being with you.
I miss you so much and I look forward to seeing you.
I look forward to your company and your love, no matter how much time we have together.
I am so happy to be with you.
Sometimes I don't feel as if I am with you because I see so little of you but when I am with you I feel as if I am yours.
I also feel as if your are mine.
I hope you feel the same way too. 23.5.2000 - 23.6.2000
Happy life.
What do I call a happy life?
I call a happy with the man I love, which is you my love.
What made me fall in love with you?
There are many nice reasons too but mainly because of your handsome smile.
I have found what I want to do in my career and work, which is to be a writer of love. 23.6.2000
Happiness.
Look forward to the future it is all out there for you.
You might not see it but it's there to look forward to.
You must wonder what's round the condor for you, wait and see no one knows.
Surprises are out there for you. 6.8.2000
Just tell yourself that you have a life out there.
Just tell tell yourself that you have a life out there.
Do what you want that makes you feel good and happy.
Show everyone that you can do better than them.
How your life future is up to you. 6.8.2000
Not all dreams come true.
Follow your head and your heart.
You may or may not get what you want.
Let life and the future happen.
Something or someone may make you happy one day.
It might be someone or something that you never excepted or even thought about. 6.8.2000
I think I like you.
I know I only caught an eye of you once.
I liked the look of you.
I was hoping to get round to talking to you but it did not happen til now.
I kept hoping I would see you again in a way so you and me can talk.
I wondered if you felt the way as I do too.
Please let me know how you feel about me!
If your not interested in me I will accept it.
I hope so I would really like to give it a go.19.3.2000
Your just in dream land.
Your living in dream land.
You are never right on this earth.
Why has it took me all these years to see what a boring man you really are?
I must have been blind.
I must have been such a fool.
You live such a boring life doing the same thing every day.
How can you stand her nagging you twenty - four hours a day, no way?
Can't you see your trapped under her thumb all day long?
If you put up with this forever you are a bigger fool than I thought.
You have no chance of getting back with me at all.
I am better off being alone than with you. 25.6.2000
I'll always be there for you if you want me too.
I've done a lot for a lot of guys.
They have thrown it back in my face.
Some guys I have often loved and cared for.
They did not want to know, now I understand what losers they are.
Please don't worry I am there for you all the way.
Whenever you, I will be there for you like I promise to.
Only if you want me to and too.24.5.2000
My life love is silence.
My love life is silence, in my head, in my voice and in poetry.
He goes to work on at midnight.
I dream about him every single night.
I miss him every single day.
When I do see him it's such a delight.25.5.2000
Friends to love.
We have had quite a bit to do with one another for a while now.
We have both been hurt by our ex lovers in different ways.
I don't mind being friends with you but in a loving way or whichever way you want it makes me happy.
I hope you feel the same towards me too.
I understand that life has been very hard for you, it has for me too.
I will do my best to take it easy on you.
I hope you will do the same for me too.
Whatever we decide bet ween us, I think the world of you. 9.1.2000.
When I was with you I felt like a woman.
When I was with you I enjoyed your company.
I really did enjoy your love, we had some good times and you really made me feel good.
Hugging and dancing to love songs that you used to have.
For some reason when I was with you, I felt like a woman.
I felt like a woman in love, which I was.
Why did I not feel this way before I met you but I don't feel this way any more because I am not with you any more?
Why did I not feel this way when I lost you?
May be no other man will make me feel like you did. 3.1.2000
Understanding a woman.
You should know me by now.
If you don't know me by now, you don't know any woman at all.
By now you must understand what's going on inside my mind, I have told you so many times.
Find me a man who thinks like a woman but don't find me a woman!
I know us getting back together won't ever happen, not over night not ever at all.
Please listen to what I want in life, then see if you want the same!
Try to understand how things are and what to except of me, may be that is not what you want anymore.
I have had to brave enough to love another man with getting over so long been with you.
Please tell that we will always be mates. 3.1.2000
I can live without you if I have to.
If I have got to live without you I will do.
I can take or leave your love.
If I take your love, promise you won't hurt me anymore.
I miss your love very much.
Whatever happens bet ween us both I still love you.
I will take whatever comes my love, I am strong whether you want me or not. 2.1.2000
Are you blind?
Why do you want to know whether I have another man or not?
Why do you want to know whether I am in love or not?
I am not telling you.
I am not stupid, I know you still love me the way I love you.
Even if I am not in love, what makes you think I will come back to you.
I may love you but can I trust you?
If the right man comes along, I am going for it.
If I were you get back in my life quick before another man comes along, well lucky you!
I will only know whose right by whoever comes first.
Don't make life hard for me man.
You have been a naughty man.
I forgive you as a friend.
I can put it behind me now in the way you hurt me.
Now not many women can say that, think yourself a very lucky man.
You are lucky to have a second after cheating on me for another woman but you will have no more chances.
Cheer up and relax man.
Please don't ever hurt me again, that's if I ever will have you back. 2.1.2000
Please be fare to me!
Please make up your mind what you really want from me.
You make out you want me then you do.
Why did you give me a chat up line when he was there?
Why did you storm off at the bus stop when I was standing at the bus stop with him?
Why did you tell me to be careful while I was with him?
Why don't tell and show me what you really want?
I know you still feel something for me because you seemed up tight when you saw me with him. 2.1.2000
I miss you.
I miss you because you were my first serious lover.
I miss you because we both loved and cared about one another.
You are always in my dreams and thought.
You have always been my dream lover but I must accept that I will never get you back.
There's still a lot of love inside my heart for you.
I don't think I will ever stop loving you but you broke my heart in two when you fell in love with her.
I would like to forget you but that's impossible to do.
I am so sorry I find it so hard to move on.
All the time you are always on my mind day and night.
I am not complaining about romance that does not matter.
I just want the chance of having the man I love which is you back.
You don't have to buy me anything, you just have to give me back your love. 6.10.1999 - 20.5.2006
My hopeful mysterious lover.
A mysterious a male sent me a valentine card and a teddy bear on Monday 14th February 2000.
Whoever he is, it does not feel like I will ever know.
What and who could he look like?
Is he handsome enough for me?
Will he be faithful enough for me?
I really hope this card and teddy bear is for me, not the young woman next door.
I hope he is not some teenage boy who has a crush on me.
My dream lover is dark brown or black hair.
Blond hair and blue eyes.
Whichever way round, I must take my pick. 14.2.2000
What does it feel like?
When we first met I was twenty - one.
I could not see what could go wrong.
I have given you the chance to be my Dad as you are but somehow it does not seem as if you.
I thought I could forgive and forget.
When I look you in the eye, I can't help but remember what you put me and Mum through all those years ago.
I am sorry Dad, but I have tried to forgive and forget.
I can sometimes go blank about the past but other times I can't.
Knowing that you were not around in my childhood has hurt me too much to forget.
I will still find a way of getting on with my life with and without you, don't ever think I am scared of that.
Still thing could be worse.
All the same remember things have been bad enough.
Thank god things can't get that much worse now.
I am sorry, I wish I knew how to carry on as if nothing has happened.
I am so disappointed in you at times, even if it was the past Dad.
You have lost out on a lot of years of my life.
Do you understand that? 5.7.2000
You and me.
You and me are complete, we have been together for a long time now on and off.
I can't believe I have known you twelve years.
You are not only my best lover you are also my best friend.
You never give me a rose.
You rarely show me love.
All the same I still I love the same I did when I first met you, for some silly reason. 2005 - 2006.
This is the way to look forward.
We all have good and bad in us all.
Don't ask me why, I guess that's life.
We all have to cope with good and bad times in life.
Sometimes it can last a long time, other times can last a short time.
The hardest part is leaving the good times for the bad times but if there's more bad than good there's no point staying.
When it comes to love it's a hard barrier to break when you find more bad times than good.
When or if times get really hard love is also hard to mend, never mend what's already broken.
It can drive you in sane when your feelings are hard to control, when you love someone but hate them for hurting you.
Most people feel driven to the end of their lives.
Other people just seem to get through. 2005 - 2006.
Trying to get better.
I must try to smile.
Why can't I smile?
I have not got you.
Happiness is a word that I don't know anymore.
If only you showed me the meaning of happiness more and more.
May be I would feel even happier if I knew how you really felt about me.
May be I would better if you showed me more good about you than bad.
Why do I love someone who makes me feel so happy but then again so sad?
We can have laugh together we have done it before but not for a long time. 20.11.2005.
Who knows?
When we look at someone, what can make us full in love?
If we don't have control over love, why do we hurt one another?
Is that an unanswered question?
Does anyone know anything about anything? I don't.
Who knows?
May be nobody knows anything about anything. 2005 - 2006
No sign of romance.
No flowers
No romantic meals
No songs
No romance at all.
Of course romance is just too much to ask, I just want love.
Why do I bother and put with you.
May be asking for romance is asking too much of and off you.
Why am I still in love with you?
It's so hard to break the barrier of your love but I don't know how much I can take of your hate.
Once I started loving you now I can't stop, why does it feel like you don't love me at all or not enough? 20.11.2005.
It's hard to decide.
It's hard to decide what to do we are falling out too much yet I love you too much.
I want to stay with you but enough is enough.
I am trying to make us both happy but nothing seems to work, it all seems to be getting worse.
I want a life of my own so you can have a life of your own.
I don't except a pot of gold but a job and a bit more money in my pocket would help at least a bit.
I have been trying to make a start by going to Job change, is that not good enough for you?
I am trying my hardest to make things better by starting my career off, it takes time it does not happen over night.
Apart from it been hard to get a job anyone these days, it's even harder to get a job when you have a disability like myself.
I don't except a lot out of my social life other than to talking to friends.
Please wait as long as it takes or don't love me at all.
Please let me know whether you want me or not. 20.11.2005
What do you want?
You say you want to be friends then you want to be lovers.
How long is this going to keep up?
As long as it take me to get a job, that's what it sounds like to me.
I wonder what difference me having a job would make to our relationship.
I can't go out alone without looking for you at some point due to not having enough money and my fits.
I don't enjoy this anymore than you don't.
I fear stopping in my flat at night because of my fits.
I am looking for a one ground flat, then you can be out without me looking for you. 20.11.2005
It's hard to want to carry on.
We have both worked hard to get this relationship together after twelve years.
It's getting too much going on and off like a light.
I know there is not anything perfect in this world but we should not be feeling this unhappy.
I can't live with it anymore. 2005 - 2007
Friendship.
A loving friendship bet ween a man and woman not a heavy relationship at least while getting to know one another.
Companionship is a loving feeling towards a friend, when two people love one another.
They care about one another.
They worry about one another.
To give what's missing out of life without being too serious.
To love in friendship as much as if relationship.
To learn if you can trust one another in a friendship in order to have a relationship.
To love one another very much without rushing into a relationship.
For a man and woman full in love in friendship with accepting whether it turns into a relationship or not. 1997 onwards
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