On Thursday I went on course to help me build my confidence up because I haven't had any work come in for 6 mouths. It's surprising in such a length of time how you can get into a rut in your life if you spend a long time doing nothing. I have felt in just one day, which was Thursday I have learned such a lot of been myself again for example.
When it comes to talking to strangers it can depending on certain situations whether I am happy to talk to them or not. Depending who they are, what they are and where I have met them. Strangers in the street I mostly shy away from because right from little I was told not to talk to strangers. Strangers in my life, such as the Job centre that can be confusing even though they have been dealing with my case but it used to be strange and confusing I saw different people mainly when they were new to my case. Now I am a lot happier because I have a Disability Employment Adviser, which I see the same person who knows my case. When you have to communicate with professions you have no choice because they deal with your situations, unless things are really unhappy between you both them for eg; you change your doctor. Many years of seeing that profession and visiting their service you are not strangers any more.
I have learned it can be hard to judge people because there are so many different characters out there but I don't believe in judging anyway. The balance between not hating people but standing up for ones' self if things don't seem quite right can be hard.The great thing about having been a Self - Advocacy for four years I have learned how stand for myself and still been liked by people a lot better than I did before hand but I still feel I have a long to go.
When I used to turn up at meetings full of professions. I used to tend to think that I knew there was going to be a lack of communication and understanding, which there very often was. I knew as a Self - Advocacy worker I was going tell them a good home truths about learning disability and health problems. It was hard times to make my points about some situations. I have word things my best of my abilities without causing rows in the meetings. Most of these professions seemed like strangers even though I had many meetings with them.
I have tried to give a good impression towards people sometimes I gain respect other times I don't. Different people I guess see different impressions in different ways. It can be very hard hard to truly what people are feeling and thinking. Sometimes we can put ourselves under too much stress to please peoples' thoughts and feelings but we don't want to be selfish either but sometimes we have otherwise we'd never be happy ourselves. For eg; interviews, the way we dress, the way we speak and whether we have got what it takes to please the employment and know the knowledge for the job.We could get and be good enough for the job, be liked by our employer but there could be still something that doesn't please them but they may never say.
It can take me quite a while to get to know people. That balance between standing up for ones' self and not losing friends. Yes I do enjoy going out and meeting people. I need to learn to not worry too much about what people are feeling and thinking about me as a person. This has lost me friendships and relationships but also lack of communication and understanding due to having mild Autism. Some events can be less relaxing than others when it comes to meeting people. This can depend on myself, people and atmosphere.
If things stick to a route then I am motivated for anything but if something changes then I get stuck in a rut. This is where my life comes to a sudden stop I start to lack confidences in myself. Life can be fun when my self - estream is high.
Whether or not I have a positive attitude about and towards myself is depending on how my life is. The past six mouth has been or at least seemed very dark with very little work on. Thinking positive has seemed hard to think. At same time everyone is in the same boat these days. It can be hard to see positive with the present been negative at the moment.
Saturday, 12 November 2011
Sunday, 9 October 2011
You never know!
Everything is unknown for everyone.
You could be right as rain one day.
The future seems very bright.
You feel on top of the world.
You can cope with everything and everyone.
You feel fitter, quicker and brighter than ever.
Over night something bad has happened you, this has affected the rest of your life.
Now you feel worse than ever because you are so unaware of the world around you.
To be sure you don't know what is and is not coming to you.
Suddenly everything and anything is out of you.
It's all gone for life.
You are a changed person.
You've gone from an very unsuccessful person to a most unsuccessful person.
You will be very lucky to be that successful person again, if you are it could take a lot of hard work to get your life back together again.
Make the best of what and who you are in case you may not see tomorrow.
Please try harder to understand people who have not got as much going as you have or they may have to work harder for longer to get there!
The truth of the matter is that you will never understand unless it happens to you.
Everyone has to go through good and bad in life as I write, some worse or and better than others.
Birth, nursery, school, college, friendships, friendships gives some happiness but also stresses in life.
People with disabilities and health problems get stress out, ill or and even die easy due to on top of the problems we have already.
There's support for some things for us but not for others.
Without the same right as other people we will be alone in the world even though we have one another.
We understand that it's hard for other people, we just have to work harder to get there than other people or we don't get there at all. 9.10.2011
Trying too hard.
Too easy to fear the worst in life which doesn't turn out as bad as we think or not bad at all.
The worst isn't always as bad as it seems.
At times the excepted can which could be good when you thought it was bad.
The future is unknown so don't plan, life is mapped out for you.
It's not helpful to worry about something that seems likes everything but then it's nothing at all.
Everyone is to blame at some point for worrying about something we should have done.
To move forward.
To believe in yourself then you can believe in others around you.
Don't lose trust in others because many others have broke your trust.
Like and love yourself then you can like and love others.
Something small seems really big.
The hole needs to be sewed up before it gets too big.
The mole needs to stop growing before it becomes a molehill.
The hardest part is to think positive when you have been thinking negative too long.
We can only think positive if we want.
In many cases in life there's no such word as can't, the words are won't and want. 26.10.2011
Fear.
When I know I am going see you, I fear I'm going to blow because I have blown it with the people I used to love.
Every time with you I have surprised myself that I haven't done and said the wrong things when I have been and not drunk.
When I am not with you I fear the worst of myself but then I learn to trust myself, which helps me a lot to trust you.
I love you far too much not to trust you.
I wouldn't lose in you because others before you broke my trust. 26.10.2011
Tomorrow is another day.
Never think good or bad about tomorrow.
You don't know what tomorrow is going to be like until it comes.
Even if the bad is here the good will come another day or bad may turn into good.
Good may happen as soon as tomorrow just wait and see.
Good will happen to those who wait.
Nothing can be good all the time.
Nothing can be bad all the time.
Change happens whether we like it not but some things happen for the worst others happen for the better.
Nothing can stay the same but some things do stay the same.
Life would be boring if everything stayed the same yet if everything changed.
It's not good to stay sad all the time, too much pain can damage you.
It's not good stay happy all the time, too much happiness can spoil you too much.
Pain can make you strong.
Too much happiness can make you weak but a lot happiness can make you stable.
Morning.
The day has just started.
The clouds are white.
The sky is grey.
I find hard to think good or bad thoughts, I just get on with my day.
Nevertheless I am ok until.
I come back from the Job Centre, I get a letter through my door from Income Support.
Saying I said I am working when I haven't said anything at all.
I am working hard not to let these Benefit people stress me out before I scream and shout.
The only you in my mind keeps me calm.
I'm willing to stay stable and calm despite the fact the problem needs to be looked at soon as possible. 27.1o.2011
Everyone is looking at me.
The bar is crowded.
I try to find a condor.
I try to find a space to wait for the crowd to calm down.
Everyone is looking at me knowing that I fear crowds.
I walk out the pub, where I go next is unknown.
I come back there are less people standing by the bar as I get myself a drink.
Now I take forever to find a seat, in the mean time people are starling at me knowing that I am stressed.
They are looking at me strange, then I turn my head away.
In time I smile, they wonder what I am smiling at.
I am thinking that I don't need a reason to make me smile.
Who cares what they think?
So what I am smiling for no reason, mad they might think.
There's no point being sad only because they might be. 27.10.2011
Change.
You cannot avoid change.
One bus has gone but another bus is come.
When is an unknown question.
One love has gone but another love is soon.
When is an unknown question.
Some people or and things are meant be the same but not everything and everybody.
When is any time?
Today
Tomorrow
The next day
Next week
Next year
Who knows?
Whatever or whoever you are waiting for something or someone may be right for you.
There's at least some things and some people stay put but not all.
Some things you need to work to get what's right for you but some of us never find it or who.
Don't try hard because that will never do, you will never get anywhere.
Try hard hard enough because you never get anywhere if you don't try at all.
Don't hope too much, you will never get anywhere.
Take everyday as it comes, if that isn't good enough nothing ever will be.
Never think you can get all what you want. 27.10.2011
You.
Whatever worries me you ease my mind all the time, whether I see you or not.
Having you on my mind keeps me going when life is tough.
I can accept every in life when I have you on my mind.
I ride my exercise bike even though I am not getting anywhere.
I think about you all the time whether I am down in myself or not, then I start to feel good.
I do everything I can to keep myself strong. 27.10.2011
no more tears to cry.
No more tears to cry but sadness is still here.
It was all so long ago.
Nothing was ever done because it was understood or believed.
Pain is unknown whether I like it not.
Even now no one understands or believes me.
I find it hard to talk about even now.
I may not be crying on the outside but I am crying on the inside.
I am smiling on the outside but feeling pain on the inside.
I used to find it hard to sleep in fear of seeing one of you, a few of you or even more.
Now none of you bother me at all.
You have all been here far too long to stay.
My mind is just wondering away thoughts.
I find that I am believing in myself at last.
When I have been through this pain so long nothing is new to me.
The thoughts have been inside my head far too long.
The grass is always greener on the other side. 20.11.2011
Just get on with it!
How I get through everyday, I don't know.
There must walk around as if nothing has happened.
No one knows what one another are thinking.
I don't shut myself away from the world because life is for living that's what your born for.
I just get on with life, I have never known anything else.
More than 30 years on since the first one, they have still got away with it just because me been just a child and having learning disabilities.
No good talking about it whatever I say nothing gets done.
The present is here yesterday has gone let's live for today.
Tomorrow is unknown.
Time to move on.
The pain has gone on far too long to hurt me any more.
I was far too young to tell anyone.
Far too young to know what was going on.
Too young to understand.
Too young to be understood.
Even now over 40, my words just can't speak. 20.11.2011
Face truth.
Friendship is best or nothing at all.
If we love again we'll hurt one all over again.
I don't know about you but I am too old to take any more.
We must face the truth, we can't fall out if we aren't lovers.
Remember you broke my heart, I had to go along with what you wanted.
Now it's my turn to walk away but I am never coming back only as a friend.
If you can't take that you'll never see me again.
If only I knew that one day my pain would come back on you, what you caused me.
At the time I felt as if I had no future and my whole world was broken.
I never thought my life would be better without you. How wrong was I to think I could never live without you, I felt so alone?
Now it's far too late for you, I am not going to let you hurt me any more.
I am not spending the rest of my life wondering whether or not your in or out of my life.
In fact I don't think you loved me at all, I believe you still don't, you only love me because you know I don't love you any more.
If I still loved you wouldn't have loved me.
I know we have both been there before.
I had to leave for that mouth because the stress was getting far too much.
Before long I stopped loving bad news for you and good news for me.
I never thought I would have ever stopped loving because I loved you for so long.
One day you will meet someone who you will love ten times more than you loved me.
She won't be able stand for what I stood for.
If you walk all over her she'd be out your life like a flash for good then you will really will know what pain is.
To think I was scared of losing you for good after you hurt me so bad.
Now I realise that I am better off without you or we are better off been just been friends.
I understand that this year has been taught for you with everything happening all at once but sadly everyone goes through death at some time, you aren't alone.
Moving on is hard I know, you need to make a life for yourself or end up a lonely old man.
You soon moved on when you left me and went out with someone else, didn't you?
I was the one who found it hard to move on but not any more.
I am having a happier life without you if not better. 21.11.2011
Believe your there somewhere.
I believe whoever you are, you are out there somewhere.
You may not be there yet.
I have had too many bad thoughts in my head to think any more bad thoughts.
Never chase never hope just life day by day.
To dream is to hope too much and end up disappointed.
Let luck and love find us.
Just get on with life! 20.11.2011
What happened?
You were so sweet when I first met you, I thought butter wouldn't melt in your month.
Nothing and no one could take me away from you.
Then you weren't the man I thought you was.
You broke my heart when you left me for someone else.
My feelings carried on the same nothing stopped me from feeling love for you.
13 and a half years on and off I stuck out until I had enough.
Sorry I couldn't take more pain that you were giving me. 21.11.2011
I can do no more.
The truth hurts you so it should.
I can do no more.
You had your chance of my romance, which didn't took.
You said that there will be no one else in your life, it was never like that when I did love you so why be any different now?
I don't believe that anyone else will let you hurt them like I let you hurt me.
I must be the softest door mat of all but not any more.
Why did I take so much?
Because I loved you so.
Now I can't imagine how and why I loved you so.
All I ever wanted was someone who would love for what and who I am not what they can get out of me.
All you have from me now is friendship or nothing at all, your choice.
I have a happy life now that I'd be a mad fool to walk away from.
No way would I be as sad as you, walking away from happiness you could do without.
You will never spoil my happiness. 21.11.2011
I believe someone loves me, somehow, somewhere.
Someone loves me somehow, somewhere, even if it's not who I think it is.
In that case I don't know but I believe he's out there somewhere.
Despite been knocked over and picking myself up all the time I never give up with love, I believe your out there somewhere.
No matter what pain puts me through I don't give up on love.
I have stopped chasing hopes and dreams.
I am a fighter, I will go through whatever life throw at me.
We are put on this earth to enjoy life even though life is what you make it.
Not to waist time starling into space.
Life would be boring if it was all the same so life is full of happiness and pain in all areas.
Time is to use not to waste.
There's no right or wrong, go for what makes you happy and move on from what makes you sad.
Not all happiness works out. 21.11.2011
We are are never too old.
We are never too old, we are forever young.
Life is for living and drinking.
Take what comes never stop.
New will come along if nothing is right for you.
May be one day something or someone will be right for you.
Believe in yourself, then you can believe in others.
Enjoy life rather than waste life.
Life isn't happy all the time otherwise we'd be all spoiled and get away with what we want.
Never doubt yourself because something or someone has let you down.
There are plenty of people who won't let you down so you don't need the people who do.
Enjoy drink and fun.
Face the tomorrow day to look forward to tomorrow night.
If you ever get old, you can look back on a happy life, no matter how much it costs you.
There's always a way of balancing career with your fun. 21.11.2011
Feelings.
Feelings are hard to control when you love someone.
Falling in love is not easy to control but you don't have to fall in love to love.
When you fall in love it can be hard to let go if things go wrong.
Here I go again loving again, goodness knows how long it will last.
With knowing what I learned from the last love I believe this love will end.
As I said feelings are hard to control but one but never knows the future.
When many relationships have failed in the past, it's hard to think positive.
It's my feelings that make me never give up.
The future is any one's guess.
No hopes are built but I love him so much.
I miss him so much but he's a man, I guess he will love as long or short as he wants to.
I'll have to move on and start like I have always done, goodness know how many times I will fall in love before I die.
Who knows he may be the one for me and I may be the one for him?
The future is unknown.
All I know is that I love him and miss him so much. 21.11.2011
It all seems like a long goodbye.
It all seems like a long goodbye, seeing you tomorrow is unknown.
Goodbye for another day, mouth, week, year or whenever it is as long as your still mine I will never give up on you.
May be I will see you tomorrow but I can't take the pain of saying goodbye not knowing when I will see you again.
I will call you.
I will text you.
I will wait until I see you again.
I don't want to spoil what we have got, a little bit more time together wouldn't go a miss but I understand if not.
Still I will go along with however it is because I love you so much. 21.11.2011
Everyone is alone but not alone.
Today the world seems far too dull.
Money is tighter than ever.
No one is alone we are all in these hard times together.
We are alone when it comes to choosing our lives, now money doesn't give us a lot of choice.
Jobs and courses are very hard to find.
It's hard to think positive about the future when negative is around us in the present.
One can only go by what it's seems like.
It's more likely very little brightness at the end of the tunnel one can see.
We must make the best of what we have got even if it's not a lot.
Anything is better than nothing at all.
If you have nothing at all then there's war, the government shouldn't let it go too far.24.11.2011
Putting on a brave face.
We have to get on with life to live it.
We have to cope with what life throws at us.
All we can do is smile to fight the pain.
Life is what you make but not when you don't have choices.
We need to keep ourselves and one another the best we can.
Help one another just as we did when times were hard all so long ago.
Let's believe we are strong: we can work it out. 24.11.2010
Love.
Love can bring us happiness.
Love can bring us pain.
Never hope when it comes to love.
Love can last for a long but the longer it lasts it can break your heart.
Pain can hit you in the face when you don't know it's going to happen.
No matter how hard it is, we must get up again not every love is the same as the last.
It all goes on like a roller coaster, one never knows unless they try.
It doesn't happen for everyone but there are some people who have thousand fail relationships then one day the right person comes along for them.
Either your lucky or your not, if you give up on yourself you will be completely alone.
It's best to try not to think about get on with life day by day, which isn't easy when you really love someone. 24.11.2011
Another world.
It's hard to know whether life is real or not.
It's hard to know if happiness is real or not.
We may not like the truth but real is truth no one likes pretend and lies in real life.
Sometimes it's hard to know what the truth is depending what it's about.
What we are told, we don't always like.
What we don't like may be better for us.
What do like may be bad for us.
Don't cry the world isn't always black and white.
Not not everything we enjoy is bad for us.
We don't have to feel guilty about everything we do, say, eat, drink and etc.
There are some things we like what are good for us.
It's very rarely enjoyment becomes good for us.
On the whole anything that's bad for us we tends to enjoy, then regret is sooner if not later.
we can't come quick enough enjoy the good and the fun.
We are happy to avoid the things we don't like that are bad for us.
For a lot of us we tend to go with what's bad for us because we enjoy it.
Still we only live once.
If we can't have fun, why are we born? 24.11.2011
Too hard to say goodbye.
It's too hard to say goodbye once I have seen you.
I know it could or and seem like a long time until I see you again.
No matter how much I miss you, I will never give up on you.
No matter what life is like I will never stop loving you.
Nothing and no one will know and spoil what and who goes through my mind.
No matter how much or little I see of you I love no one else.
No matter how hard it is to say goodbye, my patients don't run out for you. 17.12.2011
You could be right as rain one day.
The future seems very bright.
You feel on top of the world.
You can cope with everything and everyone.
You feel fitter, quicker and brighter than ever.
Over night something bad has happened you, this has affected the rest of your life.
Now you feel worse than ever because you are so unaware of the world around you.
To be sure you don't know what is and is not coming to you.
Suddenly everything and anything is out of you.
It's all gone for life.
You are a changed person.
You've gone from an very unsuccessful person to a most unsuccessful person.
You will be very lucky to be that successful person again, if you are it could take a lot of hard work to get your life back together again.
Make the best of what and who you are in case you may not see tomorrow.
Please try harder to understand people who have not got as much going as you have or they may have to work harder for longer to get there!
The truth of the matter is that you will never understand unless it happens to you.
Everyone has to go through good and bad in life as I write, some worse or and better than others.
Birth, nursery, school, college, friendships, friendships gives some happiness but also stresses in life.
People with disabilities and health problems get stress out, ill or and even die easy due to on top of the problems we have already.
There's support for some things for us but not for others.
Without the same right as other people we will be alone in the world even though we have one another.
We understand that it's hard for other people, we just have to work harder to get there than other people or we don't get there at all. 9.10.2011
Trying too hard.
Too easy to fear the worst in life which doesn't turn out as bad as we think or not bad at all.
The worst isn't always as bad as it seems.
At times the excepted can which could be good when you thought it was bad.
The future is unknown so don't plan, life is mapped out for you.
It's not helpful to worry about something that seems likes everything but then it's nothing at all.
Everyone is to blame at some point for worrying about something we should have done.
To move forward.
To believe in yourself then you can believe in others around you.
Don't lose trust in others because many others have broke your trust.
Like and love yourself then you can like and love others.
Something small seems really big.
The hole needs to be sewed up before it gets too big.
The mole needs to stop growing before it becomes a molehill.
The hardest part is to think positive when you have been thinking negative too long.
We can only think positive if we want.
In many cases in life there's no such word as can't, the words are won't and want. 26.10.2011
Fear.
When I know I am going see you, I fear I'm going to blow because I have blown it with the people I used to love.
Every time with you I have surprised myself that I haven't done and said the wrong things when I have been and not drunk.
When I am not with you I fear the worst of myself but then I learn to trust myself, which helps me a lot to trust you.
I love you far too much not to trust you.
I wouldn't lose in you because others before you broke my trust. 26.10.2011
Tomorrow is another day.
Never think good or bad about tomorrow.
You don't know what tomorrow is going to be like until it comes.
Even if the bad is here the good will come another day or bad may turn into good.
Good may happen as soon as tomorrow just wait and see.
Good will happen to those who wait.
Nothing can be good all the time.
Nothing can be bad all the time.
Change happens whether we like it not but some things happen for the worst others happen for the better.
Nothing can stay the same but some things do stay the same.
Life would be boring if everything stayed the same yet if everything changed.
It's not good to stay sad all the time, too much pain can damage you.
It's not good stay happy all the time, too much happiness can spoil you too much.
Pain can make you strong.
Too much happiness can make you weak but a lot happiness can make you stable.
Morning.
The day has just started.
The clouds are white.
The sky is grey.
I find hard to think good or bad thoughts, I just get on with my day.
Nevertheless I am ok until.
I come back from the Job Centre, I get a letter through my door from Income Support.
Saying I said I am working when I haven't said anything at all.
I am working hard not to let these Benefit people stress me out before I scream and shout.
The only you in my mind keeps me calm.
I'm willing to stay stable and calm despite the fact the problem needs to be looked at soon as possible. 27.1o.2011
Everyone is looking at me.
The bar is crowded.
I try to find a condor.
I try to find a space to wait for the crowd to calm down.
Everyone is looking at me knowing that I fear crowds.
I walk out the pub, where I go next is unknown.
I come back there are less people standing by the bar as I get myself a drink.
Now I take forever to find a seat, in the mean time people are starling at me knowing that I am stressed.
They are looking at me strange, then I turn my head away.
In time I smile, they wonder what I am smiling at.
I am thinking that I don't need a reason to make me smile.
Who cares what they think?
So what I am smiling for no reason, mad they might think.
There's no point being sad only because they might be. 27.10.2011
Change.
You cannot avoid change.
One bus has gone but another bus is come.
When is an unknown question.
One love has gone but another love is soon.
When is an unknown question.
Some people or and things are meant be the same but not everything and everybody.
When is any time?
Today
Tomorrow
The next day
Next week
Next year
Who knows?
Whatever or whoever you are waiting for something or someone may be right for you.
There's at least some things and some people stay put but not all.
Some things you need to work to get what's right for you but some of us never find it or who.
Don't try hard because that will never do, you will never get anywhere.
Try hard hard enough because you never get anywhere if you don't try at all.
Don't hope too much, you will never get anywhere.
Take everyday as it comes, if that isn't good enough nothing ever will be.
Never think you can get all what you want. 27.10.2011
You.
Whatever worries me you ease my mind all the time, whether I see you or not.
Having you on my mind keeps me going when life is tough.
I can accept every in life when I have you on my mind.
I ride my exercise bike even though I am not getting anywhere.
I think about you all the time whether I am down in myself or not, then I start to feel good.
I do everything I can to keep myself strong. 27.10.2011
no more tears to cry.
No more tears to cry but sadness is still here.
It was all so long ago.
Nothing was ever done because it was understood or believed.
Pain is unknown whether I like it not.
Even now no one understands or believes me.
I find it hard to talk about even now.
I may not be crying on the outside but I am crying on the inside.
I am smiling on the outside but feeling pain on the inside.
I used to find it hard to sleep in fear of seeing one of you, a few of you or even more.
Now none of you bother me at all.
You have all been here far too long to stay.
My mind is just wondering away thoughts.
I find that I am believing in myself at last.
When I have been through this pain so long nothing is new to me.
The thoughts have been inside my head far too long.
The grass is always greener on the other side. 20.11.2011
Just get on with it!
How I get through everyday, I don't know.
There must walk around as if nothing has happened.
No one knows what one another are thinking.
I don't shut myself away from the world because life is for living that's what your born for.
I just get on with life, I have never known anything else.
More than 30 years on since the first one, they have still got away with it just because me been just a child and having learning disabilities.
No good talking about it whatever I say nothing gets done.
The present is here yesterday has gone let's live for today.
Tomorrow is unknown.
Time to move on.
The pain has gone on far too long to hurt me any more.
I was far too young to tell anyone.
Far too young to know what was going on.
Too young to understand.
Too young to be understood.
Even now over 40, my words just can't speak. 20.11.2011
Face truth.
Friendship is best or nothing at all.
If we love again we'll hurt one all over again.
I don't know about you but I am too old to take any more.
We must face the truth, we can't fall out if we aren't lovers.
Remember you broke my heart, I had to go along with what you wanted.
Now it's my turn to walk away but I am never coming back only as a friend.
If you can't take that you'll never see me again.
If only I knew that one day my pain would come back on you, what you caused me.
At the time I felt as if I had no future and my whole world was broken.
I never thought my life would be better without you. How wrong was I to think I could never live without you, I felt so alone?
Now it's far too late for you, I am not going to let you hurt me any more.
I am not spending the rest of my life wondering whether or not your in or out of my life.
In fact I don't think you loved me at all, I believe you still don't, you only love me because you know I don't love you any more.
If I still loved you wouldn't have loved me.
I know we have both been there before.
I had to leave for that mouth because the stress was getting far too much.
Before long I stopped loving bad news for you and good news for me.
I never thought I would have ever stopped loving because I loved you for so long.
One day you will meet someone who you will love ten times more than you loved me.
She won't be able stand for what I stood for.
If you walk all over her she'd be out your life like a flash for good then you will really will know what pain is.
To think I was scared of losing you for good after you hurt me so bad.
Now I realise that I am better off without you or we are better off been just been friends.
I understand that this year has been taught for you with everything happening all at once but sadly everyone goes through death at some time, you aren't alone.
Moving on is hard I know, you need to make a life for yourself or end up a lonely old man.
You soon moved on when you left me and went out with someone else, didn't you?
I was the one who found it hard to move on but not any more.
I am having a happier life without you if not better. 21.11.2011
Believe your there somewhere.
I believe whoever you are, you are out there somewhere.
You may not be there yet.
I have had too many bad thoughts in my head to think any more bad thoughts.
Never chase never hope just life day by day.
To dream is to hope too much and end up disappointed.
Let luck and love find us.
Just get on with life! 20.11.2011
What happened?
You were so sweet when I first met you, I thought butter wouldn't melt in your month.
Nothing and no one could take me away from you.
Then you weren't the man I thought you was.
You broke my heart when you left me for someone else.
My feelings carried on the same nothing stopped me from feeling love for you.
13 and a half years on and off I stuck out until I had enough.
Sorry I couldn't take more pain that you were giving me. 21.11.2011
I can do no more.
The truth hurts you so it should.
I can do no more.
You had your chance of my romance, which didn't took.
You said that there will be no one else in your life, it was never like that when I did love you so why be any different now?
I don't believe that anyone else will let you hurt them like I let you hurt me.
I must be the softest door mat of all but not any more.
Why did I take so much?
Because I loved you so.
Now I can't imagine how and why I loved you so.
All I ever wanted was someone who would love for what and who I am not what they can get out of me.
All you have from me now is friendship or nothing at all, your choice.
I have a happy life now that I'd be a mad fool to walk away from.
No way would I be as sad as you, walking away from happiness you could do without.
You will never spoil my happiness. 21.11.2011
I believe someone loves me, somehow, somewhere.
Someone loves me somehow, somewhere, even if it's not who I think it is.
In that case I don't know but I believe he's out there somewhere.
Despite been knocked over and picking myself up all the time I never give up with love, I believe your out there somewhere.
No matter what pain puts me through I don't give up on love.
I have stopped chasing hopes and dreams.
I am a fighter, I will go through whatever life throw at me.
We are put on this earth to enjoy life even though life is what you make it.
Not to waist time starling into space.
Life would be boring if it was all the same so life is full of happiness and pain in all areas.
Time is to use not to waste.
There's no right or wrong, go for what makes you happy and move on from what makes you sad.
Not all happiness works out. 21.11.2011
We are are never too old.
We are never too old, we are forever young.
Life is for living and drinking.
Take what comes never stop.
New will come along if nothing is right for you.
May be one day something or someone will be right for you.
Believe in yourself, then you can believe in others.
Enjoy life rather than waste life.
Life isn't happy all the time otherwise we'd be all spoiled and get away with what we want.
Never doubt yourself because something or someone has let you down.
There are plenty of people who won't let you down so you don't need the people who do.
Enjoy drink and fun.
Face the tomorrow day to look forward to tomorrow night.
If you ever get old, you can look back on a happy life, no matter how much it costs you.
There's always a way of balancing career with your fun. 21.11.2011
Feelings.
Feelings are hard to control when you love someone.
Falling in love is not easy to control but you don't have to fall in love to love.
When you fall in love it can be hard to let go if things go wrong.
Here I go again loving again, goodness knows how long it will last.
With knowing what I learned from the last love I believe this love will end.
As I said feelings are hard to control but one but never knows the future.
When many relationships have failed in the past, it's hard to think positive.
It's my feelings that make me never give up.
The future is any one's guess.
No hopes are built but I love him so much.
I miss him so much but he's a man, I guess he will love as long or short as he wants to.
I'll have to move on and start like I have always done, goodness know how many times I will fall in love before I die.
Who knows he may be the one for me and I may be the one for him?
The future is unknown.
All I know is that I love him and miss him so much. 21.11.2011
It all seems like a long goodbye.
It all seems like a long goodbye, seeing you tomorrow is unknown.
Goodbye for another day, mouth, week, year or whenever it is as long as your still mine I will never give up on you.
May be I will see you tomorrow but I can't take the pain of saying goodbye not knowing when I will see you again.
I will call you.
I will text you.
I will wait until I see you again.
I don't want to spoil what we have got, a little bit more time together wouldn't go a miss but I understand if not.
Still I will go along with however it is because I love you so much. 21.11.2011
Everyone is alone but not alone.
Today the world seems far too dull.
Money is tighter than ever.
No one is alone we are all in these hard times together.
We are alone when it comes to choosing our lives, now money doesn't give us a lot of choice.
Jobs and courses are very hard to find.
It's hard to think positive about the future when negative is around us in the present.
One can only go by what it's seems like.
It's more likely very little brightness at the end of the tunnel one can see.
We must make the best of what we have got even if it's not a lot.
Anything is better than nothing at all.
If you have nothing at all then there's war, the government shouldn't let it go too far.24.11.2011
Putting on a brave face.
We have to get on with life to live it.
We have to cope with what life throws at us.
All we can do is smile to fight the pain.
Life is what you make but not when you don't have choices.
We need to keep ourselves and one another the best we can.
Help one another just as we did when times were hard all so long ago.
Let's believe we are strong: we can work it out. 24.11.2010
Love.
Love can bring us happiness.
Love can bring us pain.
Never hope when it comes to love.
Love can last for a long but the longer it lasts it can break your heart.
Pain can hit you in the face when you don't know it's going to happen.
No matter how hard it is, we must get up again not every love is the same as the last.
It all goes on like a roller coaster, one never knows unless they try.
It doesn't happen for everyone but there are some people who have thousand fail relationships then one day the right person comes along for them.
Either your lucky or your not, if you give up on yourself you will be completely alone.
It's best to try not to think about get on with life day by day, which isn't easy when you really love someone. 24.11.2011
Another world.
It's hard to know whether life is real or not.
It's hard to know if happiness is real or not.
We may not like the truth but real is truth no one likes pretend and lies in real life.
Sometimes it's hard to know what the truth is depending what it's about.
What we are told, we don't always like.
What we don't like may be better for us.
What do like may be bad for us.
Don't cry the world isn't always black and white.
Not not everything we enjoy is bad for us.
We don't have to feel guilty about everything we do, say, eat, drink and etc.
There are some things we like what are good for us.
It's very rarely enjoyment becomes good for us.
On the whole anything that's bad for us we tends to enjoy, then regret is sooner if not later.
we can't come quick enough enjoy the good and the fun.
We are happy to avoid the things we don't like that are bad for us.
For a lot of us we tend to go with what's bad for us because we enjoy it.
Still we only live once.
If we can't have fun, why are we born? 24.11.2011
Too hard to say goodbye.
It's too hard to say goodbye once I have seen you.
I know it could or and seem like a long time until I see you again.
No matter how much I miss you, I will never give up on you.
No matter what life is like I will never stop loving you.
Nothing and no one will know and spoil what and who goes through my mind.
No matter how much or little I see of you I love no one else.
No matter how hard it is to say goodbye, my patients don't run out for you. 17.12.2011
Monday, 19 September 2011
New poems of 2011
I'm alone not alone.
Loneliness is my friend who doesn't reply back when been spoken to.
Loneliness is my home.
If I want a reply to what I say I'm out and about.
Night time is the time when I'm out even if people don't speak to me.
Life carries on without you even though I love you so much.
When I'm out I don't if and when I see you again but seeing little of you suits me fine.
My bed is calling and waiting for me at the end of the night or the morning light.
Loneliness is waiting for me yet again therefore no one knows my private thoughts about me and you other than me and you.
When I can't sleep I think about you.
When I sleep I have deep dreams about you.
If I sleep at all woken by heavy traffic and very strong winds, how very strange?
I'm not a lone to be alone. 18.9.2011
Sorry I can't sleep.
I keep counting sheep every time I try to sleep.
May be I have lost count of the sheep.
They keep me awake by saying.
Baa baa!
It seems like a thousand years since I saw you to love you or sorry was it only today or yesterday?
We may have to wait to see one another forever, it may be today, tomorrow, whenever or never.
Never mind look forward to seeing you next time whenever that is.
I may not be a very good sleeper but mornings are now too cold to get out of bed.
It's too warm in bed.18.9.2011
Never ending!
It's not always possible to love the same person forever.
The good is not spending a lot of time together.
The bad is too many heart breaks.
Love seems to be an never ending circle from one lover to other.
Happiness last as long or as short as it's meant to be.
Loving one person for for life these days is very rare.
I don't think forever love will happen to me, which one way is a good thing but another way is a bad thing.
I've cried so many times over broken love, I guess I have many tears to come.
I've been happy so many times in love I guess more love to come that more than likely won't last.
Love starts and ends.
It's hard to know whether to believe in hope or not.
I guess commitment isn't always cut out to be these days. 18.9.2011
The sun isn't bright enough without you.
It's been a long time since I saw the sky the night before the sun.
The air is too cold for the birds to fly.
The sun isn't warm or bright enough without you.
I think about you non stop.
I can never seem to give up on your love.
Nothing seems to stop me feeling the way I do about you.
At times I'm in my own world.
Your on my mind so much I can't sleep.
When I'm a sleep it's hard to wake up, my dreams are so deep about you.
Sometimes I wish I could a bird so I could fly to you.
Every day is unknown whether it's a good or bad day.
I wish I climb trees to make and collect leaves to build a nest to rest at my very best.
I'm the bird of the sea, come fly with me.
As we hit the tide coming and out with the waves under our feet, that is the love of you. 18.9.2011
Change of seasons.
There's no longer a long winter.
There's no longer a long summer.
The weather has a mind of it own at any time all year round.
Paint a picture of an ideal world.
The sky.
The sun.
The sea.
The sand.
The trees.
The gardens.
So the list goes on.
No winter is winter in winter time, it's winter when it wants to be.
The snowman for children is now a fairly tale dream. 18.9.2011
Loneliness is my friend who doesn't reply back when been spoken to.
Loneliness is my home.
If I want a reply to what I say I'm out and about.
Night time is the time when I'm out even if people don't speak to me.
Life carries on without you even though I love you so much.
When I'm out I don't if and when I see you again but seeing little of you suits me fine.
My bed is calling and waiting for me at the end of the night or the morning light.
Loneliness is waiting for me yet again therefore no one knows my private thoughts about me and you other than me and you.
When I can't sleep I think about you.
When I sleep I have deep dreams about you.
If I sleep at all woken by heavy traffic and very strong winds, how very strange?
I'm not a lone to be alone. 18.9.2011
Sorry I can't sleep.
I keep counting sheep every time I try to sleep.
May be I have lost count of the sheep.
They keep me awake by saying.
Baa baa!
It seems like a thousand years since I saw you to love you or sorry was it only today or yesterday?
We may have to wait to see one another forever, it may be today, tomorrow, whenever or never.
Never mind look forward to seeing you next time whenever that is.
I may not be a very good sleeper but mornings are now too cold to get out of bed.
It's too warm in bed.18.9.2011
Never ending!
It's not always possible to love the same person forever.
The good is not spending a lot of time together.
The bad is too many heart breaks.
Love seems to be an never ending circle from one lover to other.
Happiness last as long or as short as it's meant to be.
Loving one person for for life these days is very rare.
I don't think forever love will happen to me, which one way is a good thing but another way is a bad thing.
I've cried so many times over broken love, I guess I have many tears to come.
I've been happy so many times in love I guess more love to come that more than likely won't last.
Love starts and ends.
It's hard to know whether to believe in hope or not.
I guess commitment isn't always cut out to be these days. 18.9.2011
The sun isn't bright enough without you.
It's been a long time since I saw the sky the night before the sun.
The air is too cold for the birds to fly.
The sun isn't warm or bright enough without you.
I think about you non stop.
I can never seem to give up on your love.
Nothing seems to stop me feeling the way I do about you.
At times I'm in my own world.
Your on my mind so much I can't sleep.
When I'm a sleep it's hard to wake up, my dreams are so deep about you.
Sometimes I wish I could a bird so I could fly to you.
Every day is unknown whether it's a good or bad day.
I wish I climb trees to make and collect leaves to build a nest to rest at my very best.
I'm the bird of the sea, come fly with me.
As we hit the tide coming and out with the waves under our feet, that is the love of you. 18.9.2011
Change of seasons.
There's no longer a long winter.
There's no longer a long summer.
The weather has a mind of it own at any time all year round.
Paint a picture of an ideal world.
The sky.
The sun.
The sea.
The sand.
The trees.
The gardens.
So the list goes on.
No winter is winter in winter time, it's winter when it wants to be.
The snowman for children is now a fairly tale dream. 18.9.2011
Sunday, 18 September 2011
Childhood memory.
I started of as an only for the first 13 years of my life. In one way I loved it but in another way I hated it. Called talking to yourself the first sign of madness but it created my world, no one answered me back other than my dolls and soft toys. On the other hand it was a lonely world when their isn't anyone who can communicate or and understand you. When there are a lot of adults around the world seems bigger and better than what you are.
When I was ten years old, I walked into class on Monday morning after the weekend. I knew what I had do, write in my rough about what I did over the weekend, this was about the only thing liked doing in school apart from art, history, English and swimming.
Not many children including myself got on with Old Miss Cole at Kingswood Special boarding Albrighton Wolverhampton. Even the look of her scared us let alone when she shouted at us. I can see this woman only about 50 looking over 90 when I think about it today. Her clacked wriggled face, her black and white dog checked coat. Everyday I used to dread facing her but my word I respect so much for making me the person I am today.
My word I wish I would have kept my rough books because I wrote some things that were and were not true just because I loved writing yet I had no thoughts of wanting to be a writer. Some stories were true one Monday, next Monday untrue stories and Monday after true and untrue was mixed.
My Nan Letty was my Mother, my Mother Jane known as Sam was my sister, my Auntie Vicci was my sister and my Nan as my Mother had at least three made up children in my stories. Many I have forgotten because I wrote in 1979. My writing about that weekend, the events were true but some people were real but different people.
When Miss Cole read my work, she went mad as she slapped my leg with a ruler, which shock me up for the rest of day. As for my writing, it helped me create my own world gave me grief off adults in the real world. In the end taught me not to tell lies only in writing stories or if I have to tell white lies. I never thought about wanting to be a writer until I was 23 but as for my rough book I was just a lonely child.
" Telling lies can get you into big trouble, Sara!"
When I was ten years old, I walked into class on Monday morning after the weekend. I knew what I had do, write in my rough about what I did over the weekend, this was about the only thing liked doing in school apart from art, history, English and swimming.
Not many children including myself got on with Old Miss Cole at Kingswood Special boarding Albrighton Wolverhampton. Even the look of her scared us let alone when she shouted at us. I can see this woman only about 50 looking over 90 when I think about it today. Her clacked wriggled face, her black and white dog checked coat. Everyday I used to dread facing her but my word I respect so much for making me the person I am today.
My word I wish I would have kept my rough books because I wrote some things that were and were not true just because I loved writing yet I had no thoughts of wanting to be a writer. Some stories were true one Monday, next Monday untrue stories and Monday after true and untrue was mixed.
My Nan Letty was my Mother, my Mother Jane known as Sam was my sister, my Auntie Vicci was my sister and my Nan as my Mother had at least three made up children in my stories. Many I have forgotten because I wrote in 1979. My writing about that weekend, the events were true but some people were real but different people.
When Miss Cole read my work, she went mad as she slapped my leg with a ruler, which shock me up for the rest of day. As for my writing, it helped me create my own world gave me grief off adults in the real world. In the end taught me not to tell lies only in writing stories or if I have to tell white lies. I never thought about wanting to be a writer until I was 23 but as for my rough book I was just a lonely child.
" Telling lies can get you into big trouble, Sara!"
Sunday, 11 September 2011
September 11th diary 2001
I remember ten years ago today been an very unhappy day. I rang my Father round about 4pm on that Tuesday afternoon. He asked me to put the television on. There was a very serious tone in his voice. I asked him why and he told me. I felt just the same all over again like when I heard the news about John Lennon just over twenty years before hand. Yet again the experience of hearing the news was so hard to talk and write about.
When I put the news on, I saw the New York towers fall really fast through a dramatic explosion like a para shoot going through the air. Nothing sank into me at first until I saw it on the news. A I watched those towers falling down my stomach was turning over as if I was on a roller coaster ride.
This all happened in Washington as well as New York. It hit nine people alive from the World Trade Centre. A fireman had been hit on the 38rd floor of one of the towers.
Wednesday 12th September 2001
The sad est part is that places like New York is so easy to get hit because the buildings are so well known. Mainly buildings like the towers with them been very tall.
One American lady had said
" It has destroyed a lot of lives as well as homes and buildings."
The fireman had told the rescuers that he had been rolling down the stairwell, floor by floor. The whole building had collapsed. There were five other firefighters and a police offer still there to be saved.
Thursday 13th September 2001
The morning I heard that one hundred English people had been killed in New York through explosion.
Yesterday President of American George Brush vowed to bring justice. Just like everyone he was very upset and angry. He also wants to know who has done this damage to the USA.
I think I heard on the news last night that they want to cause the English army out.
Two brothers were aboard hijacked Untied flights 175, which crushed into the World Trade.
Four planes had 266 people aboard. 100 - 800 people may be dead at the pentagon.
Friday 14th September 2001. At 11.00am at Saint Paul's Cathral there was a service for 500 English people who died in USA. There was also a 3 minutes quite.
This has cost so many people's lives and damaged buildings, my thoughts go out to people who have lost people or and buildings.
Monday 17th September 2001 USA is back to work but I guess there are still a lot of people who can't cope with going back to work at least not yet. Bare in mind that some people have lost a lot of businesses, even worse some people homes. President Brush had added.
" I want Bin Laden dead or burned alive."
Its sounds to me as if Bin Laden is guilty of theses attacks on USA. They think that Bin Laden had many terriorists involved but it's still unsure. President Brush does have a very strong feeling that it's Bin Laden. More than likely Brush is right but he shouldn't jump the gun it could be anyone from anywhere. Planes going into towers is anyone's guess. No one can blame Brush for been upset and angry though.
Thursday 18th September 2001. 30 odd years to Jimi Hendrick's death, I bet he's rolling in his grave with the USA coming to war again.
It's now been a week since the attacks. No one can really say how long this war will last. President Brush added.
" This war could go on a very long time."
My Father added.
" This war could go on another 30 years."
This war is very hard to come to terms with. Life has to go on but never rush people to rebuild their lives. The world had no choice but to accept the war, it will stay as long as it's going to. We need to take it day by day.
Wednesday 19th September 2001.
I can't say whether I'm right or wrong, mostly wars are about greed, jealously and not accepting people who and they are. We are all human beings at the end of the day. The colour of our skin and the way we talk shouldn't matter to anyone. Life is hard enough on it's own without making matters worse. We should live a life of choice if not why are we born? Why is there a world in the first place if we can't enjoy life?
Thursday 20th September 2001.
I believe the war will go on for ten years but nothing can be so sure.Every day is unknown, we shouldn't judge what we don't know for sure.
Since and before the Gulf war, we have heard enough about robbings, murders and etc without causing more wars. More of these things are talked about more now than ever before. Now we need to watch our backs all the time, which makes wars worse. That doesn't make the 1st or 2nd World War any worse or better than this one.
When I put the news on, I saw the New York towers fall really fast through a dramatic explosion like a para shoot going through the air. Nothing sank into me at first until I saw it on the news. A I watched those towers falling down my stomach was turning over as if I was on a roller coaster ride.
This all happened in Washington as well as New York. It hit nine people alive from the World Trade Centre. A fireman had been hit on the 38rd floor of one of the towers.
Wednesday 12th September 2001
The sad est part is that places like New York is so easy to get hit because the buildings are so well known. Mainly buildings like the towers with them been very tall.
One American lady had said
" It has destroyed a lot of lives as well as homes and buildings."
The fireman had told the rescuers that he had been rolling down the stairwell, floor by floor. The whole building had collapsed. There were five other firefighters and a police offer still there to be saved.
Thursday 13th September 2001
The morning I heard that one hundred English people had been killed in New York through explosion.
Yesterday President of American George Brush vowed to bring justice. Just like everyone he was very upset and angry. He also wants to know who has done this damage to the USA.
I think I heard on the news last night that they want to cause the English army out.
Two brothers were aboard hijacked Untied flights 175, which crushed into the World Trade.
Four planes had 266 people aboard. 100 - 800 people may be dead at the pentagon.
Friday 14th September 2001. At 11.00am at Saint Paul's Cathral there was a service for 500 English people who died in USA. There was also a 3 minutes quite.
This has cost so many people's lives and damaged buildings, my thoughts go out to people who have lost people or and buildings.
Monday 17th September 2001 USA is back to work but I guess there are still a lot of people who can't cope with going back to work at least not yet. Bare in mind that some people have lost a lot of businesses, even worse some people homes. President Brush had added.
" I want Bin Laden dead or burned alive."
Its sounds to me as if Bin Laden is guilty of theses attacks on USA. They think that Bin Laden had many terriorists involved but it's still unsure. President Brush does have a very strong feeling that it's Bin Laden. More than likely Brush is right but he shouldn't jump the gun it could be anyone from anywhere. Planes going into towers is anyone's guess. No one can blame Brush for been upset and angry though.
Thursday 18th September 2001. 30 odd years to Jimi Hendrick's death, I bet he's rolling in his grave with the USA coming to war again.
It's now been a week since the attacks. No one can really say how long this war will last. President Brush added.
" This war could go on a very long time."
My Father added.
" This war could go on another 30 years."
This war is very hard to come to terms with. Life has to go on but never rush people to rebuild their lives. The world had no choice but to accept the war, it will stay as long as it's going to. We need to take it day by day.
Wednesday 19th September 2001.
I can't say whether I'm right or wrong, mostly wars are about greed, jealously and not accepting people who and they are. We are all human beings at the end of the day. The colour of our skin and the way we talk shouldn't matter to anyone. Life is hard enough on it's own without making matters worse. We should live a life of choice if not why are we born? Why is there a world in the first place if we can't enjoy life?
Thursday 20th September 2001.
I believe the war will go on for ten years but nothing can be so sure.Every day is unknown, we shouldn't judge what we don't know for sure.
Since and before the Gulf war, we have heard enough about robbings, murders and etc without causing more wars. More of these things are talked about more now than ever before. Now we need to watch our backs all the time, which makes wars worse. That doesn't make the 1st or 2nd World War any worse or better than this one.
Sunday, 24 July 2011
What's on your mind?
You are more than welcome to what you want to say or write.
It makes no difference if what's on your mind is happy or say.
Just bring out anything you want to say or write.
Everyone likes to keep most things private no one is force to say or write.
The choice is yours on how you open your world and mind on what you say or write.
How people communicate with you is depending on what subject you say or write.
Some people don't communicate at all.
Please speak and write your mind.
Don't speak or write your mind if you don't want to. 24.7.2011
Mark David Chapman.
What was on your Mind to commit such a crime to the famous Beatles, old, too young to leave earth he gave his fans such good times?
You may not be able to mend what's been broken?
Saying sorry may not mend the damage.
You have already long sent John Lennon up to heaven.
Do you believe in Jesus Christ?
Do you believe that Christ will come back to life?
Do you believe John Lennon was or could have been Jesus Christ just like he wanted to be?
The answers to these questions are very unknown.
Do you believe that there will be peace on earth as well as there may be in heaven?
I was eleven when my old school teacher Mr Stroll told me and many others in class that John Lennon has gone to heaven, I still hear Mr Stroll telling us 31 years on now.
Do you believe that Christ will come back to life, even so you shouldn't have done what you have done?13.8.2011
Nothing lasts forever.
Nothing lasts forever but I have fallen for you.
You may not be always in my life but you will be always on my mind.
It isn't all about my feelings, it's about your feelings too.
The same way love always end, you may well leave me some day.
I will never give up on love.
No one knows unless they try, never build ones hopes up but never say never.
One's luck may not be the same as it has already been.
Life is very unknown, if we knew everything there would be no surprises or shocks. 13.8.2011
We should all control our minds.
We should all control our minds then there wouldn't be so much crime.
No reason is a reason to kill.
There's no perfect world out there, we all disagree with what one another do and say sometimes if not all of the time.
We say about children and teenagers been unkind to one another so can adults.
If we really can't cope with what we hear or see or even both in many cases can be, then just walk away.
Help is better out there than it used to be, now there's counselling out there, there never used to be any help at all but we still have a long way to go.
Just because Yoko Ono is Japanese, Mark David Chapman killed John Lennon many years to the day of Pearl Habela which the Japanese turned against the Americans on the 8th December.
No one can like everyone but hate is a very strong word.
14th August 2011
The world is a strange place.
The world is a strange like you and me, it has good and bad.
How we face the world isn't the same.
Life is what we make it.
We are the people who live in this world.
The world isn't the problem it's us in it.
The main thing is is how we are to one another.
There are a lot of thought we need to keep to ourselves.
At times it all gets too much.
No one is going to help us unless we help ourselves.
We need to find ways of not letting the bad in life play with our minds.
We must think about good things in life.
Clear the bad things out of our minds.
The good may be hard to think about.
For me writing poetry helps me get on with my life by writing all my thoughts down on paper out my mind.
Drawing, painting and exercise biking riding is also very good cure for me.
Anxiety isn't the only reason for doing these things, enjoyment comes into it too.
14th August 2011
Every day.
I miss you every day.
My world is empty without you.
Nothing seems to change but I accept it because I think so much of you.
I don't think I will ever give on you unless you give up me.
When the sun shines it doesn't shine unless I'm with you.
There's not a moment that I'm not wishing I was with you.
Holding me all night until the morning light.
The good may be hard to think about with the very little time we spend together.
Hopefully that little time we get together will help us to be together longer than if we spent a lot of time together.
I will just do my best to clear the bad out of my mind by writing poetry.
I never know when to text or call in case I contact you at the wrong moment.
However long or short our time together is better than nothing at all. 18.8.2011
Wem please sounds like Wembley.
I have never written a poem, short story, novel or play on the train.
I was travelling from Newtown Powys Wales in the mid to late 80s.
My memory has been that many a times through my life I caught the wrong well almost the wrong train.
Once I nearly went to Wembley when I should have gone to Wem.
The ticket collector said
" Off to Wembley."
"No, I'm off to Wem."
He laughed but I was only 17 and scared.
I was just in a world of my own still relieving on the rest of the world.
"No worries, you can get off at Sherwbucy." he said
" Who ordered the ticket?" he asked
" My tutor." I said
I tried to work out what must have happened, I thought about it.
A lot of people on the train stared at me as if I was mad as I started to laugh.
Wem please sounds like Wembley.
When got off the train to meet my Mother Shrewbucy, she said.
" I've been waiting half an hour for you at Wem station.
When I told her the reason her feelings were mixed with worrying about me and the funny side of Wem been mistaken for Wembley. 18.8.2011
Your worth the wait.
I feel love for you.
I need your love even more than plants, flowers and trees need the sun and the rain.
This love will never die until I die however long I wait.
If I'm wrong I can be right all the time.
I'd rather miss you than lose you but I can't except your feelings to be the same as mine all the time.
You may leave me some day, then I will have to move on from the light to the day.
If things change for you and me, if ever there's going be another he, he will have to spent more time missing me than kissing me. 18.8.2011
I will never again chase love.
Love will have to come to me if ever again it's to be.
I never looked for you, you found me.
If it doesn't work out for us the next love will be very close friends you and me are or where.
Who knows what the future will be.
Take life day by day.
Don't build one's hopes up: never say never.
Wait and see. 18.8.2011
Open up your mind.
If you feel as if something should be said then say it.
Don't be scared, don't be shy just open your mind.
Some people feels as if they don't want to talk about sad thing but they feel as they need to.
Please give their own time when things are to talk that they want or and need to said mainly when it's sad things.
Some things are hard to talk about but better off not talking about in a lot of people's minds. 19.8.2011
Fits Epilepsy. Why have I not been well for twelve months or so? What's wrong with me? My body is like a moving machine as I get shock in my knees and legs. I start shaking as I get a headache. Fits feel like storms through my head. Water is fusing inside my head. All my muscles go very tense which is caused by stress. My brain gives me a message to my body. I feel and go dizzy through a lack of food and drink. My head is aching as if someone has put a bomb inside it. I have been feeling sick, dizzy, shaky and my head feels heavy. Flashing lights are worse and when the sun gets in my eyes. When opening my eyes it's like my eyes flicker at anything flashing as if I'm going blind. Loud knocking sounds and fire works make me jump out my skin and scars me to death, mainly on Bonfire night. Many different sounds can bring on a fit. Time to lye down, let the fit stop in it's own time as I sleep it off. In the mean time it feels like wires are going through my head. Fuses are blowing everywhere like the wind and the rain coming together the same as thundering and lighting. 26.5.2002 -2.6.2012
It makes no difference if what's on your mind is happy or say.
Just bring out anything you want to say or write.
Everyone likes to keep most things private no one is force to say or write.
The choice is yours on how you open your world and mind on what you say or write.
How people communicate with you is depending on what subject you say or write.
Some people don't communicate at all.
Please speak and write your mind.
Don't speak or write your mind if you don't want to. 24.7.2011
Mark David Chapman.
What was on your Mind to commit such a crime to the famous Beatles, old, too young to leave earth he gave his fans such good times?
You may not be able to mend what's been broken?
Saying sorry may not mend the damage.
You have already long sent John Lennon up to heaven.
Do you believe in Jesus Christ?
Do you believe that Christ will come back to life?
Do you believe John Lennon was or could have been Jesus Christ just like he wanted to be?
The answers to these questions are very unknown.
Do you believe that there will be peace on earth as well as there may be in heaven?
I was eleven when my old school teacher Mr Stroll told me and many others in class that John Lennon has gone to heaven, I still hear Mr Stroll telling us 31 years on now.
Do you believe that Christ will come back to life, even so you shouldn't have done what you have done?13.8.2011
Nothing lasts forever.
Nothing lasts forever but I have fallen for you.
You may not be always in my life but you will be always on my mind.
It isn't all about my feelings, it's about your feelings too.
The same way love always end, you may well leave me some day.
I will never give up on love.
No one knows unless they try, never build ones hopes up but never say never.
One's luck may not be the same as it has already been.
Life is very unknown, if we knew everything there would be no surprises or shocks. 13.8.2011
We should all control our minds.
We should all control our minds then there wouldn't be so much crime.
No reason is a reason to kill.
There's no perfect world out there, we all disagree with what one another do and say sometimes if not all of the time.
We say about children and teenagers been unkind to one another so can adults.
If we really can't cope with what we hear or see or even both in many cases can be, then just walk away.
Help is better out there than it used to be, now there's counselling out there, there never used to be any help at all but we still have a long way to go.
Just because Yoko Ono is Japanese, Mark David Chapman killed John Lennon many years to the day of Pearl Habela which the Japanese turned against the Americans on the 8th December.
No one can like everyone but hate is a very strong word.
14th August 2011
The world is a strange place.
The world is a strange like you and me, it has good and bad.
How we face the world isn't the same.
Life is what we make it.
We are the people who live in this world.
The world isn't the problem it's us in it.
The main thing is is how we are to one another.
There are a lot of thought we need to keep to ourselves.
At times it all gets too much.
No one is going to help us unless we help ourselves.
We need to find ways of not letting the bad in life play with our minds.
We must think about good things in life.
Clear the bad things out of our minds.
The good may be hard to think about.
For me writing poetry helps me get on with my life by writing all my thoughts down on paper out my mind.
Drawing, painting and exercise biking riding is also very good cure for me.
Anxiety isn't the only reason for doing these things, enjoyment comes into it too.
14th August 2011
Every day.
I miss you every day.
My world is empty without you.
Nothing seems to change but I accept it because I think so much of you.
I don't think I will ever give on you unless you give up me.
When the sun shines it doesn't shine unless I'm with you.
There's not a moment that I'm not wishing I was with you.
Holding me all night until the morning light.
The good may be hard to think about with the very little time we spend together.
Hopefully that little time we get together will help us to be together longer than if we spent a lot of time together.
I will just do my best to clear the bad out of my mind by writing poetry.
I never know when to text or call in case I contact you at the wrong moment.
However long or short our time together is better than nothing at all. 18.8.2011
Wem please sounds like Wembley.
I have never written a poem, short story, novel or play on the train.
I was travelling from Newtown Powys Wales in the mid to late 80s.
My memory has been that many a times through my life I caught the wrong well almost the wrong train.
Once I nearly went to Wembley when I should have gone to Wem.
The ticket collector said
" Off to Wembley."
"No, I'm off to Wem."
He laughed but I was only 17 and scared.
I was just in a world of my own still relieving on the rest of the world.
"No worries, you can get off at Sherwbucy." he said
" Who ordered the ticket?" he asked
" My tutor." I said
I tried to work out what must have happened, I thought about it.
A lot of people on the train stared at me as if I was mad as I started to laugh.
Wem please sounds like Wembley.
When got off the train to meet my Mother Shrewbucy, she said.
" I've been waiting half an hour for you at Wem station.
When I told her the reason her feelings were mixed with worrying about me and the funny side of Wem been mistaken for Wembley. 18.8.2011
Your worth the wait.
I feel love for you.
I need your love even more than plants, flowers and trees need the sun and the rain.
This love will never die until I die however long I wait.
If I'm wrong I can be right all the time.
I'd rather miss you than lose you but I can't except your feelings to be the same as mine all the time.
You may leave me some day, then I will have to move on from the light to the day.
If things change for you and me, if ever there's going be another he, he will have to spent more time missing me than kissing me. 18.8.2011
I will never again chase love.
Love will have to come to me if ever again it's to be.
I never looked for you, you found me.
If it doesn't work out for us the next love will be very close friends you and me are or where.
Who knows what the future will be.
Take life day by day.
Don't build one's hopes up: never say never.
Wait and see. 18.8.2011
Open up your mind.
If you feel as if something should be said then say it.
Don't be scared, don't be shy just open your mind.
Some people feels as if they don't want to talk about sad thing but they feel as they need to.
Please give their own time when things are to talk that they want or and need to said mainly when it's sad things.
Some things are hard to talk about but better off not talking about in a lot of people's minds. 19.8.2011
Fits Epilepsy. Why have I not been well for twelve months or so? What's wrong with me? My body is like a moving machine as I get shock in my knees and legs. I start shaking as I get a headache. Fits feel like storms through my head. Water is fusing inside my head. All my muscles go very tense which is caused by stress. My brain gives me a message to my body. I feel and go dizzy through a lack of food and drink. My head is aching as if someone has put a bomb inside it. I have been feeling sick, dizzy, shaky and my head feels heavy. Flashing lights are worse and when the sun gets in my eyes. When opening my eyes it's like my eyes flicker at anything flashing as if I'm going blind. Loud knocking sounds and fire works make me jump out my skin and scars me to death, mainly on Bonfire night. Many different sounds can bring on a fit. Time to lye down, let the fit stop in it's own time as I sleep it off. In the mean time it feels like wires are going through my head. Fuses are blowing everywhere like the wind and the rain coming together the same as thundering and lighting. 26.5.2002 -2.6.2012
Monday, 6 June 2011
Chapter seven supporting learning disability.
United States seems to work faster than Britain with supporting learning disability because United State is a bigger country than Britain. The thing that isn't helping us now is the cutbacks. We try to better the support then there's not enough money to support learning disability. The wrong thing the government doing is talking money off people who need it most. The government spends the money on the wrong things. This can take away people's choice, control and rights a over their own lives.
This is where Learning Disability Awareness training comes into helping professions learn to understand learning disability in all areas of life.
For example of all things; there are some people with LD in work but not many and not many people have jobs that interest them. Having something is better than having nothing but even better is people having the jobs that interests them. In this credit crunch today anyone is better have a job at all when there's at least over 200million may be a lot more or less unemployed people.
Getting along with people is a hard thing to do when you have LD anyway mainly when you have Autism because of a lack of communication and understanding. To not enjoy the job is bad but to not get along with anyone in the work placement is even worse. In the eyes of many employers people with LD are a Health and Safety Hazard, we can't do a job good enough and quick enough for them, we can't get buses until 9.30am because of our disabled passes or we cost them money to claim back, we can only work part time because of our benefits but we can only earn so much money on top of our benefits so that gives them less money to pay out to us. Never the less we still seem like hard work for many of them to employ. This is where money is needed to support people so the government need to be careful what they are spending the money on. There has been talk about direct and indirect payments, whether that is set for those in work I don't know. How the idea I heard it should work is for people to earn enough money to pay for their services as well as enough to live on, I may be wrong.
This is where Learning Disability Awareness training comes into helping professions learn to understand learning disability in all areas of life.
For example of all things; there are some people with LD in work but not many and not many people have jobs that interest them. Having something is better than having nothing but even better is people having the jobs that interests them. In this credit crunch today anyone is better have a job at all when there's at least over 200million may be a lot more or less unemployed people.
Getting along with people is a hard thing to do when you have LD anyway mainly when you have Autism because of a lack of communication and understanding. To not enjoy the job is bad but to not get along with anyone in the work placement is even worse. In the eyes of many employers people with LD are a Health and Safety Hazard, we can't do a job good enough and quick enough for them, we can't get buses until 9.30am because of our disabled passes or we cost them money to claim back, we can only work part time because of our benefits but we can only earn so much money on top of our benefits so that gives them less money to pay out to us. Never the less we still seem like hard work for many of them to employ. This is where money is needed to support people so the government need to be careful what they are spending the money on. There has been talk about direct and indirect payments, whether that is set for those in work I don't know. How the idea I heard it should work is for people to earn enough money to pay for their services as well as enough to live on, I may be wrong.
Sunday, 15 May 2011
Chapter one Introducing Learning Disability and Autism.
My name is Sara Jane Gorman.I used to be a Learning Disability Awareness trainer and Self - Advocacy worker for Our Shout supported by Royal Wolverhampton Mencap. I am a experienced consultant in the field of learning disability and I have given presentations to professionals locally and regionally. I have given my training to Health students at the University of Wolverhampton, School of Nursing and the Health care professions at New cross hospital Wolverhampton.
I started off writing when I was stopping at my Grandmother's house in Wolverhampton in 1993. I was recovering from Cancer of the throat. I was watching the news Trevor McDonald told the world about the Council homes closing down, which worried me a lot. I felt so strong about the topic, I started thinking about Charles Dickens writing about orphans and people worse off than myself. I stated with my life story and stories, I have had a few reports published in the odd newsletters and a poem published in each of 11 books. The problem was that the publishers Poetry Now! weren't paying me I was spending a lot of money on their books. I haven't had any support since to find a publisher for my work. I plan has always to raise half of what earn of my writing for charity but it hasn't happened. I mean this help animals as well as human
I am a keen writer, in 2008 I wrote and Co - produced a play to highlight the difficulties people with learning disabilities have accessing employment.
March 2009, I went a Sci rt and Screen course to better my writing. Now hopefully this course will pay off for me writing this book. Just before Christmas 2009, I helped Mencap set up a Disabled Writer's group. December 2010, I helped out with an art project at Penn hall special school by helping the children creative their own Superhero.
For a very short time I had my own little business, which was handy a business. It was called Access All Areas Now! I shared with someone else with a learning disability, we we both Learning Disability Awareness trainers. We started off been Supported by Mencap then Employment pathways. In the end there was very little money due to the cutbacks to support us to keep the business going. In that time we only achieved a great deal of work our Pilot scheme and only earned £80.00. We couldn't earn a great anyway due to the benefits that we are on.
This book isn't just writer about me but for readers who have learning disabilities, families, carers, friends, lovers, professionals and etc. This book isn't only about Autism and learning disability but it's also about my life story, which is all linked together to help and educate people on learning disability but mostly Autism.
The purpose of this book is to train and educate society to treat people with LD and Mental problems equal to other people. To learn how balance support with indepences.
This book is about the rights of speaking for people with LD and Mp problems.
http://vaccine-injury.info/
I started off writing when I was stopping at my Grandmother's house in Wolverhampton in 1993. I was recovering from Cancer of the throat. I was watching the news Trevor McDonald told the world about the Council homes closing down, which worried me a lot. I felt so strong about the topic, I started thinking about Charles Dickens writing about orphans and people worse off than myself. I stated with my life story and stories, I have had a few reports published in the odd newsletters and a poem published in each of 11 books. The problem was that the publishers Poetry Now! weren't paying me I was spending a lot of money on their books. I haven't had any support since to find a publisher for my work. I plan has always to raise half of what earn of my writing for charity but it hasn't happened. I mean this help animals as well as human
I am a keen writer, in 2008 I wrote and Co - produced a play to highlight the difficulties people with learning disabilities have accessing employment.
March 2009, I went a Sci rt and Screen course to better my writing. Now hopefully this course will pay off for me writing this book. Just before Christmas 2009, I helped Mencap set up a Disabled Writer's group. December 2010, I helped out with an art project at Penn hall special school by helping the children creative their own Superhero.
For a very short time I had my own little business, which was handy a business. It was called Access All Areas Now! I shared with someone else with a learning disability, we we both Learning Disability Awareness trainers. We started off been Supported by Mencap then Employment pathways. In the end there was very little money due to the cutbacks to support us to keep the business going. In that time we only achieved a great deal of work our Pilot scheme and only earned £80.00. We couldn't earn a great anyway due to the benefits that we are on.
This book isn't just writer about me but for readers who have learning disabilities, families, carers, friends, lovers, professionals and etc. This book isn't only about Autism and learning disability but it's also about my life story, which is all linked together to help and educate people on learning disability but mostly Autism.
The purpose of this book is to train and educate society to treat people with LD and Mental problems equal to other people. To learn how balance support with indepences.
This book is about the rights of speaking for people with LD and Mp problems.
http://vaccine-injury.info/
Saturday, 23 April 2011
Chapter two History of learning disability
Before the 1980s, most people with learning disabilities with all levels lived in long stay hospitals or institutions, now many of them are closed down. We had very little or no choice and control at all.We were either stuck in where they were or
they were lucky if a member of staff took us. We couldn't go out alone or together without staff. We didn't learn anything because of us been slow learners, no one gave us any confidence to do anyhting. We were treated unequal to other people. The staff didn't have the time of day we us. We were seen as a danger to society.
Today in everything, things are better than they were but we still have a long way to go.
For example; most people with mild disabilities like myself get by living alone with a little family support, even that wasn't allowed at one time. It's getting the balance between independence and support.Let us do the things we can do but support us with the things we can't. Today society tries to support people who need different levels of support. Times are pretty at the moment with the credit crunch so a lot services have cutback but people are more educated to what they were but they still have a lot to learn.
We have seen the difference today compared to in the past. We were labelled and treat different to other people when we are human beings just like they are.
We had poor, treated, we were neglected and abused. We were seen as mentally handicapped, sub normal, mentally backward enteral, a menace and burden to society. Society tends to called people without disabilities normal, no one is normal some people are slower than others. Everyone is a human being. These bad things affected people with disabilities lives very badly that they suffered Stress, Anxiety and depression. Many had health problems any for example Epilepsy. We were misunderstood because we were seen as different, strange or and even mad.
I am not saying all people with disabilities faced these things but they were common to happen.
Over the centuries attitudes have been bad but they have now got better.
they were lucky if a member of staff took us. We couldn't go out alone or together without staff. We didn't learn anything because of us been slow learners, no one gave us any confidence to do anyhting. We were treated unequal to other people. The staff didn't have the time of day we us. We were seen as a danger to society.
Today in everything, things are better than they were but we still have a long way to go.
For example; most people with mild disabilities like myself get by living alone with a little family support, even that wasn't allowed at one time. It's getting the balance between independence and support.Let us do the things we can do but support us with the things we can't. Today society tries to support people who need different levels of support. Times are pretty at the moment with the credit crunch so a lot services have cutback but people are more educated to what they were but they still have a lot to learn.
We have seen the difference today compared to in the past. We were labelled and treat different to other people when we are human beings just like they are.
We had poor, treated, we were neglected and abused. We were seen as mentally handicapped, sub normal, mentally backward enteral, a menace and burden to society. Society tends to called people without disabilities normal, no one is normal some people are slower than others. Everyone is a human being. These bad things affected people with disabilities lives very badly that they suffered Stress, Anxiety and depression. Many had health problems any for example Epilepsy. We were misunderstood because we were seen as different, strange or and even mad.
I am not saying all people with disabilities faced these things but they were common to happen.
Over the centuries attitudes have been bad but they have now got better.
Friday, 22 April 2011
Chapter three Family break ups and learning disability.
Evan people with disabilities ourselves understand when we are adults what hard work we are through no fault of our own. This is easy misunderstood. The stress of bring up children can be a strain on relationships but twice as much for couples who have children with learning disabilities. Many couples blame the children for their marriages or and relationship break but the affects and the work learning disability can bring it can damage your life even more.
At the same time it makes the child feel guilty mainly when their parents slipt up. In some cases depending what the break up is over, children are sad see their parents slipt but for other it's relief. In my case my parents slipt before I was born so I have known any different but I didn't see my Dad until I was 21 but I told he saw me when I was just born.
On the bright side learning disability isn't all black and white if or and when the child gets older some people get better as they get older depending on their disabilities but on the whole that becomes slowly in my experience.
What I understand is everyone has the rights to have their life as adults as much as they love their children. Trying to get a balance of seeing it from the adult and child's point a view is hard. Yet no child asks to be born but no child ask to have leaning disabilities. Not that I am saying that children are not planned. This does just apply to just children adults too. Everyone with learning disabilities need some kind of support even other people too. No one gets any younger. May be you have been looking after your grown up child for years, years and years but if child with disabilities is only a baby, you too should have the rights of support if that's what you want. No one wants to make other peoples' lives hard but sometimes one doesn't have a choice. Sadly like most things learning disabilities affect lives.
Saying that the lucky ones like myself with mild disabilities tend to get better as we get even though still have problems so families start to have a bit more freedom. As adults with disabilities want to be to have their own lives because all these years as children they have had to be protect so much which is no different to anyone really.
The amount of times my Mother has said your hard work Sara, the amount of times it's made me feel guilty. As my Mum would say any child is hard work but when they have disabilities the work is even harder. If you are a peron with disability, carer, family member, friend, family friend or and etc please email if you would like a chat, you may want to make a common or and may need support one way or the other. sarajgorman@googlemail.com or Facebook sarajgorman@gmail.com
At the same time it makes the child feel guilty mainly when their parents slipt up. In some cases depending what the break up is over, children are sad see their parents slipt but for other it's relief. In my case my parents slipt before I was born so I have known any different but I didn't see my Dad until I was 21 but I told he saw me when I was just born.
On the bright side learning disability isn't all black and white if or and when the child gets older some people get better as they get older depending on their disabilities but on the whole that becomes slowly in my experience.
What I understand is everyone has the rights to have their life as adults as much as they love their children. Trying to get a balance of seeing it from the adult and child's point a view is hard. Yet no child asks to be born but no child ask to have leaning disabilities. Not that I am saying that children are not planned. This does just apply to just children adults too. Everyone with learning disabilities need some kind of support even other people too. No one gets any younger. May be you have been looking after your grown up child for years, years and years but if child with disabilities is only a baby, you too should have the rights of support if that's what you want. No one wants to make other peoples' lives hard but sometimes one doesn't have a choice. Sadly like most things learning disabilities affect lives.
Saying that the lucky ones like myself with mild disabilities tend to get better as we get even though still have problems so families start to have a bit more freedom. As adults with disabilities want to be to have their own lives because all these years as children they have had to be protect so much which is no different to anyone really.
The amount of times my Mother has said your hard work Sara, the amount of times it's made me feel guilty. As my Mum would say any child is hard work but when they have disabilities the work is even harder. If you are a peron with disability, carer, family member, friend, family friend or and etc please email if you would like a chat, you may want to make a common or and may need support one way or the other. sarajgorman@googlemail.com or Facebook sarajgorman@gmail.com
Sunday, 20 March 2011
Chapter four What is a learning disability?
Learning disabilities are conditions that affect everyday lives in peoples' bodies or and mind. Mental disabilities are to do with the mind and Physical disabilities There are all different kinds of disabilities. Muscular Dystrophies is when a person's body weaken gradually in a limit of time. It seems to be more common in male than female.
Spinia Bifida can happen during pregnancy when the spinia cord (nerves run down the spine.) This can affect peoples' balance, movement, bowel and bladder control. It's a bone and joint deformities what affect peoples' movements. Hydrocephalus is high pres sager to the brain because of the fluid not being drained away.
Cerebral Palsy happens during pregnancy. It's a Mental and Physical disability affecting the body and mind. The brain controls the movement of the body in early stages of growth. Almost like one form of Autism that links with Dyspraxia as a hidden Physical disability. With Cerebral Palsy the damage can happen during birth even though the disability happen before birth or any other brain injuries at a very early age. ( Such as a lack of oxygen to the brain or if a child has been shaken. Children face these difficulties, posture(ability to put the body in a chosen position and keep it there.)
There are more disabilities than I have just written. All disabilities can affect everyday lives one way or the other. For eg; mobility, ability with hands, physical co - coordination or bladder and bowel control, ability to lift and carry, move heavy objects,, remembering things, concentration, learning, understanding and or danger awareness. There's still enough awareness on Dyspaxia yet. It's called Dyspaxia Developmental Co - ordination is when people can only cope doing one thing at a time, which slows people down. I have had this problem all my life I'm nearly 42years but people have only started to learn about it about just over ten years ago.
For eg; people can find it hard to fasten shoe laces and buttons.
Finding it hard to carry a hot joint of meat out the oven and heavy hot pans.
A new born baby can slip ones arms.
Can't skip.
Can't ride a bike.
Can't drive a car.
I haven't been diagnosed Dyspaxia but my Auntie think I have Dyspaxia. Over the past
ten years or so she has come across a few who have the same problems as me. I still
think I need to be diagnosed but I wouldn't be surprised if I am because my Co - ordanation is bad are Motor skills. now I have learned what my own problems could be I would like to help others like me to see they will get more help than me. For eg; seeing that young children better exercise support than what I did. Support aids and seeing that people get the support people need.
My experience of Dyslexia is very often a memory problem for eg; I remember getting bs and ds mixed up I was needing to write the word dog. I suddenly went blank so when wrote the og I know I was wrong because bog didn't look right to me. I rubbed it out to put dog, yet I have stories and poems in my mind. I have always been known for missing words out of sentences and numbers back to front 82 becomes 28, yet I have always found maths very hard. Yet getting numbers back to front and bs and ds the right way round doesn't happen as often now, I still miss words out of sentences and get letters in the wrong places even though I know they are in the word. Sometimes I notice my mistakes other times I don't that's why I need a proof reader.
Hearing, speech, eye sight needs braille and sign language, these disabilities can link into a lot if not all disabilities.
it's like when I said there's different kind of Autism. Sorry to confuse you, Autism is a learning disability. As for how people with disabilities cope with like I said with Autism just except the unaccepted not two people with the same disabilities face the same good and bad in life. Learning disability websites adultprotection.org.uk, WWW.mencap.org.uk and community.care.co.uk. There are many more if you tap in learning disability websites in your search engine.
Mencap say that 1 in 5 people in the uk have learning disabilities. Learning disabilities either start before, during or after birth depending what the disabilities are.
Anxiety Disorder is a kind of Mental illness that causes people to feel worried and stressed whether we have anything to worry about or not. Other than counseling,
exercise and cut down on coffee is the only treatment I'm aware of. Most medications may be on the market but I have been living with it far too long to notice, it just
something you learn to accept if you have been living with it all your life. It's
just hard getting people to accept the way you are as a person as well as a person with learning disabilities.
The causes are unknown, it can either
be on it's own or linked to other disabilities like mine is. There's no limit of
time of long we feel worried and stress for. It can be even harder if it is linked
on to other disabilities because you feel angry not been equal to the rest of society. When you have been living with it all your life you learn to live with it
and you more calmer than you used to be and accept bad things better. We get dryness in our mouths, we feel shaky, tense, fast heart beat and we find it hard to sleep. Just because a person may not face all these things, it doesn't mean they don't stuffer from Anxiety Panic attacks are the main causes of Anxiety.
British men are three times more than likely to take their own lives than British woman.
At least 75% of people in the uk, suffer from depression, I guess that includes people with and without disabilities but I don't know for sure. Only about 3rd of people try to get help. My worry is if people keep on suffering alone they will make themselves ill. Depression affects one in five older people who live in the community, even more care homes.
Stress is the biggest killer of all for everybody maily in today's credit crunch, we are all in the same boat. Bear in mind that stress plays on a lot people's state of mind anyway, which can course Anxiety and depression when people worry too much over things. Some things just won't get out of peoples' minds or it can take a long time. For example; things from relationship and marriage break ups to death even worse paying bills which is more common that ever today. Mencap say People with learning disabilities 58 times likely to die before the age 50 but that's not in the case in everybody. Like I said Stress is a killer for all people but if you have learning disabilities or and health problems on it's own it's double the pressager.
For example; Panic attacks can also bring on Epilepsy but then with my disabilities whatever they are for sure. I was born with lack of oxygen to the brain, which caused me to have fits from birth. When I have stress or I think I have things to worry about I panic but sometimes it brings a fit on other times it doesn't. This can mainly be when I have been misunderstood or and even confused with something like information for eg; some things can make me panic then get me angry and if I get too upset it may bring on my fits, depending what the situation is and how stressful it is to me. I went 20 yrs without having a fit bit during that time I was working at Camnant a living in riding stable in Newtown powys Wales. My Boss Miss Coyne thought I was having Peta Mal fits, which I couldn't understand, I wasn't feeling unwell. She had got the doctor to put me on Tregratol tablets without my families say so. When was 20 I was so depressed with taking them for no reason I over dosed on the lot but lucky enough as you know I pulled through. My family went mad and got the doctor to take me off them. Most medications can make people depressed which are caused by the side-affects.
This is something that doctors should look into because this does not just accept the whose taking the medication but others around mainly if the medication causes the person to have behavior problems for example if someone is Moody a lot. Like I say I have written in many reports advising people to except the unaccepted in all people. That means except anything. Some people seem don't in themselves with medication others without. It's all swings and roundabouts.
Even most good things can be stressful for example; taking exams and waiting for exam results is another example even though on the other hand it could get me through life. I am very keen person if I fail I just keep going but despite of the panic it causes me, which is part of disability, I cope somehow. This can happen in any ones' case not just mine.
When Anxiety links to Autism is when change happens mainly when something can either
shock or even surprise a person. Good change a little bit of time to get used to as well as bad change. Anxiety is the reason why I am writing about Autism again. It
can make us more upset if we have different information on one thing off two or even
several different people. Autism is a life time disability and some people even call it a disorder. Most of us with Autism have learning disabilities. We find it hard to social interact, communicate. We find it hard not to let things get to us, which is
part of our Anxiety. Anxiety also kicks in when a person doesn't feel sure of themselves and the rest the world around them. When something is new whether it's good or bad to friendships/ relationships and or someone has died. For eg; Broken up relationships and deaths can make you feel depressed and as well as angry. Depression can make you feel very low in yourself, lose interest in everything, not wanting to talk to people, a mixer of feeling lonely and wanting to be on ones' own, smoking a lot, drinking a lot, taking drugs, feeling useless and as if the whole world is against you and not wanting to live anymore. Some of us pull out of it, try to help ourselves and get help like counselling for eg; whereas others give up on themselves.
Asperger Syndrome is a foam of Autism in people who have high intelligence but it's also a hidden disability, which means people don't see the problems people have. If
you spend a lot of time with us you will learn that we need more help than you thought. Yet we don't have difficulties in languages. Like expect the unexpected
because these disabilities, illnesses, conditions and disorders can affect different
people in different ways. I have found that I have got better than I used to be since
I have got older but it has been a very slow journey but I don't stop believing in myself and others like me.
Some of us like to spend more time alone, others like people round and some of us can feel like I do a bit of both.
We find it hard to understand people's thoughts and feeling, which may seem selfish but then I am better than I used to be.
We behave in a strange manner without been aware but I have found since I have got older I become more worried and more aware of it knowing off people I've known all
my life have told me.
This can be why we can find hard to make friends but that get better from my experience the more I have been aware of my Autism.
Be also aware of poor eye contract.
Communication Little language, speaking in the same tone, unable to understand meanings of gesture and facial expression, hard to understand jokes, mixing up words like you and I, repeating what they say or and what other people say.
Flapping hands, twirling toes, fixed on the same route round our lives, getting upset by change, sensitive to sound, smell, touch and etc, misunderstanding peoples' thoughts, feelings, actions and etc. Not everyone faces the same all problems so it doesn't make them not Autism depending how many of these problems they do face.
Cause of Autism is unknown yet although in my case it's unknown whether I do
have Autism or not.I guess I'm more than likely Asperger if I am.
I guess just before the 21st century there was a case on the news about the MMR injection to protect Measles/ rubella, what I don't understand how can any learning disability a side - affect in any table, injection or any medicines and ect? If I do have Autism it is caused by what I was born lack of oxygen to the brain so I guess it's possible that MMR causes Autism Spectrum if that's the case.
Spinia Bifida can happen during pregnancy when the spinia cord (nerves run down the spine.) This can affect peoples' balance, movement, bowel and bladder control. It's a bone and joint deformities what affect peoples' movements. Hydrocephalus is high pres sager to the brain because of the fluid not being drained away.
Cerebral Palsy happens during pregnancy. It's a Mental and Physical disability affecting the body and mind. The brain controls the movement of the body in early stages of growth. Almost like one form of Autism that links with Dyspraxia as a hidden Physical disability. With Cerebral Palsy the damage can happen during birth even though the disability happen before birth or any other brain injuries at a very early age. ( Such as a lack of oxygen to the brain or if a child has been shaken. Children face these difficulties, posture(ability to put the body in a chosen position and keep it there.)
There are more disabilities than I have just written. All disabilities can affect everyday lives one way or the other. For eg; mobility, ability with hands, physical co - coordination or bladder and bowel control, ability to lift and carry, move heavy objects,, remembering things, concentration, learning, understanding and or danger awareness. There's still enough awareness on Dyspaxia yet. It's called Dyspaxia Developmental Co - ordination is when people can only cope doing one thing at a time, which slows people down. I have had this problem all my life I'm nearly 42years but people have only started to learn about it about just over ten years ago.
For eg; people can find it hard to fasten shoe laces and buttons.
Finding it hard to carry a hot joint of meat out the oven and heavy hot pans.
A new born baby can slip ones arms.
Can't skip.
Can't ride a bike.
Can't drive a car.
I haven't been diagnosed Dyspaxia but my Auntie think I have Dyspaxia. Over the past
ten years or so she has come across a few who have the same problems as me. I still
think I need to be diagnosed but I wouldn't be surprised if I am because my Co - ordanation is bad are Motor skills. now I have learned what my own problems could be I would like to help others like me to see they will get more help than me. For eg; seeing that young children better exercise support than what I did. Support aids and seeing that people get the support people need.
My experience of Dyslexia is very often a memory problem for eg; I remember getting bs and ds mixed up I was needing to write the word dog. I suddenly went blank so when wrote the og I know I was wrong because bog didn't look right to me. I rubbed it out to put dog, yet I have stories and poems in my mind. I have always been known for missing words out of sentences and numbers back to front 82 becomes 28, yet I have always found maths very hard. Yet getting numbers back to front and bs and ds the right way round doesn't happen as often now, I still miss words out of sentences and get letters in the wrong places even though I know they are in the word. Sometimes I notice my mistakes other times I don't that's why I need a proof reader.
Hearing, speech, eye sight needs braille and sign language, these disabilities can link into a lot if not all disabilities.
it's like when I said there's different kind of Autism. Sorry to confuse you, Autism is a learning disability. As for how people with disabilities cope with like I said with Autism just except the unaccepted not two people with the same disabilities face the same good and bad in life. Learning disability websites adultprotection.org.uk, WWW.mencap.org.uk and community.care.co.uk. There are many more if you tap in learning disability websites in your search engine.
Mencap say that 1 in 5 people in the uk have learning disabilities. Learning disabilities either start before, during or after birth depending what the disabilities are.
Anxiety Disorder is a kind of Mental illness that causes people to feel worried and stressed whether we have anything to worry about or not. Other than counseling,
exercise and cut down on coffee is the only treatment I'm aware of. Most medications may be on the market but I have been living with it far too long to notice, it just
something you learn to accept if you have been living with it all your life. It's
just hard getting people to accept the way you are as a person as well as a person with learning disabilities.
The causes are unknown, it can either
be on it's own or linked to other disabilities like mine is. There's no limit of
time of long we feel worried and stress for. It can be even harder if it is linked
on to other disabilities because you feel angry not been equal to the rest of society. When you have been living with it all your life you learn to live with it
and you more calmer than you used to be and accept bad things better. We get dryness in our mouths, we feel shaky, tense, fast heart beat and we find it hard to sleep. Just because a person may not face all these things, it doesn't mean they don't stuffer from Anxiety Panic attacks are the main causes of Anxiety.
British men are three times more than likely to take their own lives than British woman.
At least 75% of people in the uk, suffer from depression, I guess that includes people with and without disabilities but I don't know for sure. Only about 3rd of people try to get help. My worry is if people keep on suffering alone they will make themselves ill. Depression affects one in five older people who live in the community, even more care homes.
Stress is the biggest killer of all for everybody maily in today's credit crunch, we are all in the same boat. Bear in mind that stress plays on a lot people's state of mind anyway, which can course Anxiety and depression when people worry too much over things. Some things just won't get out of peoples' minds or it can take a long time. For example; things from relationship and marriage break ups to death even worse paying bills which is more common that ever today. Mencap say People with learning disabilities 58 times likely to die before the age 50 but that's not in the case in everybody. Like I said Stress is a killer for all people but if you have learning disabilities or and health problems on it's own it's double the pressager.
For example; Panic attacks can also bring on Epilepsy but then with my disabilities whatever they are for sure. I was born with lack of oxygen to the brain, which caused me to have fits from birth. When I have stress or I think I have things to worry about I panic but sometimes it brings a fit on other times it doesn't. This can mainly be when I have been misunderstood or and even confused with something like information for eg; some things can make me panic then get me angry and if I get too upset it may bring on my fits, depending what the situation is and how stressful it is to me. I went 20 yrs without having a fit bit during that time I was working at Camnant a living in riding stable in Newtown powys Wales. My Boss Miss Coyne thought I was having Peta Mal fits, which I couldn't understand, I wasn't feeling unwell. She had got the doctor to put me on Tregratol tablets without my families say so. When was 20 I was so depressed with taking them for no reason I over dosed on the lot but lucky enough as you know I pulled through. My family went mad and got the doctor to take me off them. Most medications can make people depressed which are caused by the side-affects.
This is something that doctors should look into because this does not just accept the whose taking the medication but others around mainly if the medication causes the person to have behavior problems for example if someone is Moody a lot. Like I say I have written in many reports advising people to except the unaccepted in all people. That means except anything. Some people seem don't in themselves with medication others without. It's all swings and roundabouts.
Even most good things can be stressful for example; taking exams and waiting for exam results is another example even though on the other hand it could get me through life. I am very keen person if I fail I just keep going but despite of the panic it causes me, which is part of disability, I cope somehow. This can happen in any ones' case not just mine.
When Anxiety links to Autism is when change happens mainly when something can either
shock or even surprise a person. Good change a little bit of time to get used to as well as bad change. Anxiety is the reason why I am writing about Autism again. It
can make us more upset if we have different information on one thing off two or even
several different people. Autism is a life time disability and some people even call it a disorder. Most of us with Autism have learning disabilities. We find it hard to social interact, communicate. We find it hard not to let things get to us, which is
part of our Anxiety. Anxiety also kicks in when a person doesn't feel sure of themselves and the rest the world around them. When something is new whether it's good or bad to friendships/ relationships and or someone has died. For eg; Broken up relationships and deaths can make you feel depressed and as well as angry. Depression can make you feel very low in yourself, lose interest in everything, not wanting to talk to people, a mixer of feeling lonely and wanting to be on ones' own, smoking a lot, drinking a lot, taking drugs, feeling useless and as if the whole world is against you and not wanting to live anymore. Some of us pull out of it, try to help ourselves and get help like counselling for eg; whereas others give up on themselves.
Asperger Syndrome is a foam of Autism in people who have high intelligence but it's also a hidden disability, which means people don't see the problems people have. If
you spend a lot of time with us you will learn that we need more help than you thought. Yet we don't have difficulties in languages. Like expect the unexpected
because these disabilities, illnesses, conditions and disorders can affect different
people in different ways. I have found that I have got better than I used to be since
I have got older but it has been a very slow journey but I don't stop believing in myself and others like me.
Some of us like to spend more time alone, others like people round and some of us can feel like I do a bit of both.
We find it hard to understand people's thoughts and feeling, which may seem selfish but then I am better than I used to be.
We behave in a strange manner without been aware but I have found since I have got older I become more worried and more aware of it knowing off people I've known all
my life have told me.
This can be why we can find hard to make friends but that get better from my experience the more I have been aware of my Autism.
Be also aware of poor eye contract.
Communication Little language, speaking in the same tone, unable to understand meanings of gesture and facial expression, hard to understand jokes, mixing up words like you and I, repeating what they say or and what other people say.
Flapping hands, twirling toes, fixed on the same route round our lives, getting upset by change, sensitive to sound, smell, touch and etc, misunderstanding peoples' thoughts, feelings, actions and etc. Not everyone faces the same all problems so it doesn't make them not Autism depending how many of these problems they do face.
Cause of Autism is unknown yet although in my case it's unknown whether I do
have Autism or not.I guess I'm more than likely Asperger if I am.
I guess just before the 21st century there was a case on the news about the MMR injection to protect Measles/ rubella, what I don't understand how can any learning disability a side - affect in any table, injection or any medicines and ect? If I do have Autism it is caused by what I was born lack of oxygen to the brain so I guess it's possible that MMR causes Autism Spectrum if that's the case.
Friday, 4 March 2011
Family history.
My Mother and me different ages of my early life.My Mother's name is Jane Gorman and my Father's name is Malcolm Marriet, he likes to be called Max's not Malcolm. My parents met at the Wolverhampton Bowel ling Alley in 1968. My Mother was 16 and my Father was 22, he'd just finished the Merchant Navy as a cook. They only lasted about 12 mouths together. January 1969, they found out I was on the way, which a big shock to everyone. Mum was a ballet dance teacher while she was carrying me. She taught a child named Sara, which is how she got my name from. Dad moved to London and married someone over there, that lasted 15 years. My half brother Jay was born January 1978. It wasn't only hard on Mum having a child with disabilities but also been a unmarried Mother and her Mother's marriage was breaking down very badly. I think it made my Mother quite strong in the end. Single families were very rare so it was a sin too be too young to have a child and not be married. Now it is more accepted for each child to have different Fathers.
Not long after my birth my Mum became a bar maid at the Giffther Arms pub in Wolverhampton. Later on she was a Manager res of the Wolverhampton Sports and Social club on the B'ham New road, which she enjoyed for many years. Her boss John Russian sent her to work in London, Santa Pod and Derby as a bar maid.
Later she marriage my first step Dad Roy in August 3rd 1984, my step sister Holly was born January 1983, Mum and Roy parted in 1993 and divorced 2003. She marriage for the 2nd time to Warren August 2009.
My great Grandmother's name was Elizabeth Kendrick, she had eight children my Nan was the oldest. There were three girls and five boys. Since Nan died in 2007, there's now two girls five boys. When the 2nd world war 1939 to 1945 broke out my Nan was 8 years old, Nan had to look after the ones who were born at the time because great Gran and Granddad Tom worked very long hours. Great Gran worked in a Sewing factory and great Granddad made Bomb shelters. There were no washing machines, Microwaves and etc like there is today. There could be still a good many back to back houses during the war. No central heating but gas and coal fires.You could still feel very cold drafts under the doors.
In those days great Gran was tall and blond and great Granddad had a thick mass of curly hair but his later years he went bald and he was always thin. He smoked about 40 Woodbine's a day, he loved his garden, tea, arm chair and sleep. He loved it when I rubbed cold tea on his head when I was little because he left his tea far too long. He said to my Nan.
" Let, I'm sure that child has made my hair grow back."
Great Gran and Granddad had only been around 4 years of my life to see me before they both died. I can't remember a lot. I remember walking on Granddad's garden patched without any shoes on socks on. He was growing flowers and veg. Suddenly a bee sting my foot as I screamed he picked me and told that's why I couldn't use his soil as a sandpit. He was more worried about than his flowers and veg. Nan always said he was very fond of me.
Great Gran's last job was a cleaner at the Express & Star Queen Street Wolverhampton. She'd push me in a Sliver Cross pram and dress me up in bonnets and bows. In her later years she was a very bonnie built lady wearing a blue Flamed turned in glasses 60s style in the 70s.
My Grandparents Letty Kendrick and Ramsey Gorman married in 1949 but I don't know where. It was a marriage that started off from very tall dark, handsome and sun tanned me to spending all his wages in the pub that he needed to keep his wife and family. 20 years of marriage was more than enough for my Nan you will see as you read on.
My great Granny Fiall was Welsh and great Granddad George was Irish. Believe it or not I don't anyone knows how them two got together. Granddad George's Father was German and he was a tap dancer. Nan got on with Granddad George but not Granny Fiall. Nan said she never kept the house clean and she bet on the horses, I can't remember if Nan she said she drank heavy or not. Nan used to call her a dirty old woman. She must have been a female Step Toe, say no more. It makes you wonder how my great Granddad put with her, mind you divorces were very hard to come back then.
My Granddad bet on the horses too this why my Nan had to work extra hours to feed and clothe Mum and Auntie. Nan ended up wasting loads of food because Granddad never came home from the pub when he promised to. He spoke to Nan with his fists. Nan divorced him after 20 years. My great Grandparents said.
" Your should have divorced him sooner, Let."
As adults Mum and Auntie Vicky must have found it hard to trust people after they had seen what their Father had put their Mother through. I guess it was too easy to feel over protected over your own family, They mainly were with me because of my disabilities.
More or less than 40 years ago support was very little. The only benefit around was Child benefit. Nappies were Terry toweling so if your child had a weak bladder like I had, you were washing nappies for a very long time.I must have been at least five or more when I stopped wetting the bed.
I must have been just after my great Grandparents died when Uncle David my Nan's brother took the family to the caravan in Wales about 1974 to 1975. I think I may have just started school. I had Me seals or chicken poxes. Uncle David only drove as far as the Victoria hotel, which is now the Britannia hotel. I suddenly said.
" Are we nearly there?"
" Are we nearly there?"
Two years before my Mother was born, Nan had a son named Tony. He never lived to have children, sisters, nieces, nephews and etc. Tony would have been 60 last May. Nan said she never forgot when she poked a nappy in his belly by mistake. That haunted her for the rest of her life, she never forgave herself.
One day Nan found Tony choking in his cot, he had German Me seals in his throat and he was fitting. In those days cot deaths were very common and hard to treat. He either dead a week before or after his 1st birthday around the 9th May 1951. Nan died June 2007, she wanted her ashes over him so she got her wish because the family did just that.
Saturday, 26 February 2011
Friday, 25 February 2011
Chapter two What is Learning Disabilities and Autism?
Learning disabilities can be very limit abilies to what people can do. Learning disabilities can affect different lives in different ways. Different people have different disabilities and different abilies to live our lives.
Meaning of the word learning disability.
Learning disability can affect peoples' everyday lives. Memory, understanding, reading, writing, education, work, home, friendships, relationships and etc.
Disabilities can be caused before, during or after birth.
Learning disability can vary from person to person.
Some people learn very well in school but others don't, I didn't.
The teaches used to shout at me to tell me to wake up.
I was always lacking in my school work.
I was very hard for them to teach.
When I left school I worked very hard in college to pass exams which I didn't do school.
Information wasn't accessible in those days.
It's better than it was but we still have a long way to go.
As a child I had a very poor memory in what the teachers were trying to teach in class.
I could not take information but I could read and write fairly well, I mostly used to copy off the board.
I learned more when I left school when I was there.
Signs and symptoms of learning disability.
People can find it harder and longer to learn than other people.
Feeling angry because they can't learn as quick as others or not at all.
Behavior problems due to disabilities, health problems and we want to be equal to other people.
Misunderstanding people around us and information.
Finding it hard to join in with others.
Finding it hard to show interest in things.
Learning disabilities are conditions and Mental Health problems that affect the body and or mind. For most people chances in life can be very limited but most people have the right support. Some disabilities can be linked to Mental Health, which can all vary. People who have disabilities and Mental Health problems mostly have Mental disabilities, which slows the brain down. Many of these people have hidden disabilities that can't been seen such as mine for eg; one is dyspraxia, which is a grip with the hands, co - ordination and Motor skill problems.
According to Mencap there are 1 - 5 people with learning disabilities in the UK.
There are all different kinds of disabilities.
Autism is a disability that people should except the unexpected of.
There are so many debates about Dyslexia whether it is a learning disability or not. Dyslexia is also misunderstood because it's known as a reading and writing disability so people tend to think that people can't read. More often than not the mind works the wrong way round. When a person knows that certain letters are in a certain word but can be put in the wrong places or the wrong way round. This can work the same with numbers.
You may well find you will face different disabilities and health problems finding different things hard through their life. For eg; don't expect two dyslexia to face the same problem, you could be surprise with one person to the other how strong they can be. For eg; one person may be good with letters but not good with numbers. Vise versa with the other person. One thing they could have in common with on the bright side is talent but different talents. For eg; one person could be good at drawing and painting, the other person writing such as poetry and short stories or like me both.
Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder is a very high form of Autism.
The easiest way to say it is ADHD.
This is where a person has too much energy,they won't sit down for one minute.
What calm me down in the end was when the doctors took me off the heavy dose tablets I was, which had been on since birth to 13 years old.
They don't sleep at night, which makes them very over tired, moody and not easy to get along with.
They can pull a paddy at any time, any place and anywhere.
This can cause very poor concentration.
It can cause a lot of lack of communication and understanding with the people around them.
I was very hyperactive as a child.
I suffered from very bad behavior problems, I would have a temper paddies any time any place and anywhere.
I would scream any place down.
I never used to sleep at night but I couldn't pay attention in the day so I didn't get on very well in school.
I hope Health staff today can become more aware of the side affects a lot of medications can have. One can never be too sure if the information on the packages are right.
Some people who live their own with very little support mainly with these cut backs, may not find the information on the packs accessible meaning clear.
If the person has none or little support health staff should go through the information with them.
It only takes someone not to have anyone or enough people around them, if they don't understand the information they may take too much medication or none at all.
It's possible I may have had ADHD as a child or it could have been due to the tablets I was taking at the time.
It may well be worth looking into family history and research to if there has been any learning disability in your family history whether there is now or not.
What disabilities do or and did?
Injuries, long, short term illeness and etc,
Affects of lives.
The causes are hard to know but from my experience, I was put on a heavy dose of tablets that were far too strong for my fits, from birth to 13.
This lost me a lot of my school education, I never got on with the teachers all the children.
What made it even worse was that there was very little any education in learning disability and mental health in those days.
When I came off those tablets, after a couple of years or so I started to become more of the world, learn things and slowly starting to get along with people.
What we are starting to be more aware of is the salt and sugar that can send people on a high. Despite of some foods and drink been low sugar and salt now, there's still a lot with far too much salt and sugar in. We need to be keeping an eye on these things. For eg; have they left enough sugar and salt out? I admit as a child I used to eat a hell of a lot of sugary things, which we very unaware of back then.
Autism is a life time learning disability that affects the way people communicate and how they get along with people. Autism can also affect people's awareness making then out to not to care how people are feeling when all it is they aren't aware. It is an unawareness of the big wide world. Not everyone whose has Autism and other disabilities for that matter faces the same problems. An over crowded world can cause a person with Autism Anxiety, it also cause people around them Anxiety too.
People with the Autism Spectrum condition face difficulties that affect their disabilities in different ways. Some people with Autism live independent lives with very little support others 24 hour support but still live in their own homes.
What many people don't understand is there are many disabilities are hidden so people don't think we have as many problems as we have. I have never been diagnosed but my family have read book films on Autism, they have a feeling that I may be. To my knowledge there's only one form of Autism that's a hidden disability but if that's the case I must have some form of Autism.
Some people like myself find it hard to explain what we are trying to say. This can cause a lack of communication and understanding. Yet on the bright side one way or the other we are creative people for eg; me with my writing, I also draw and paint.Through people not understanding you can be misunderstood, this can make you feel unhappy or and even left out of society. This can affect the choices and control people should have over their lives whether they have Autism or not.
Many people with Autism may be affected by sound, taste, smell, light, colours and etc.
People with Aspire Syndrome are often average intelligence. They have very little problem with speech but they may find it more harder to understand information.
When it comes to support with money there's never a balance. People are either over crowding you or not there at all.
We don't always get the right services to support us. In Wolverhampton there's more support Autistic children than adults.
We don't always get the right support with work, benefits, home and etc.
Travelling.
Autism affects a lot people's lives in different ways. It can either depend on what kind Autism people have got but then no two people with the same Autism may face the same problems like all disabilities. Just except the unaccepted.
I find it hard to cope empty or over crowded people and places. For eg; busy busy airports with information flashing on and off so fast.
I find my way round better in my home area and town. I guess I find it hard to snap out of change and route because I had been over protected for so many years of my life.
Not many people with disabilities such as myself can drive so we have to re lie on public transport. I'm lucky than most some people don't know their about and what bus stop to get on and off. There was once a time I was like that, it took me years to learn it but better late than never.
Some people miss out on going out at night because they don't their way around, they are scared of crime, bullying and Anti - social behaviour. There isn't enough money for Support workers to come out to support at night and many people can't cope their money. Some these things I have problems with myself but not all. With me it's mainly my money.
Employment.
Most employers don't understand learning disability. Not everyone takes note of the Disability Discrimination Act. It's better than it was but we still have a long way to go. People still having to cope with discrimination.
We are still a Health & Safety hazard to employers, when isn't enough funding to support us to be healthy and safe.
Here some of the mistakes employers and the government make.
Not enough support for people who can't use computers.
The government spend the money the least important things.
The government is robbing off the poor instead of the rich.
Not enough support to work to time limits and do the job right.
If you work in the LD field you will need to learn about Accessible Information. For eg; braille and sign language. A lot of people with LD such as myself find too much information and jargon hard and confusing.
The government bors me to tears but I'm a learning disability MP for the People's Parliament supported by a Self - Advocacy group called Changing Our Lives. If anyone has any complaints in the learning field to the Members of Parliament. People with LD, families, carers and etc are welcome to email me on sarajgroman@googlemail.com or sarajanegorman@gmail.com on Facebook.It's my job to find out what the government in Houses of Parliament are playing at.
The world only started learning about Autism in 1943 but it's still isn't known now. The figures are roughly there 500,000 families of people with Autism. Research says it more common in boys than girls.
Different kinds of Autism.
Autism Spectrum isn't all that different to Aspire Syndrome apart from people with Aspire don't appear to have learning disabilities our disabilities are very hidden. It can take a long time for people to learn and understand Aspire. Spectrum is mostly noticed. For eg; they may have major speech problems whereas people with Aspire may have mild speech problems. Both forms of Autism finds it hard to communicate in society, interaction and imagination.
To put a guess on my kind of Autism I think I could be Aspire. I have problems with my hands I find it hard to grip things for eg; opening everyday things like jars and bottles, bad coordination, bad motor skills. This is another hidden disability that hasn't been diagnosed. My Auntie thinks I may have Dyslexia.
In some ways people with LD are our own doctors because we know how our problems affect our everyday lives.
Many people like myself with possible Aspire stuffer from Dyslexia. I was diagnosed for Borderline Dyslexia because I mostly use my right hand, my left hand is very weak. People tend to think with dyslexia that people can't read and write. That's not true, we just see words, letters and numbers that could be the wrong way round. Like all disabilities dyslexia varies from person not disability to disability. You must excepted the excepted. People with dyslexia do have spelling problems but we can also be misunderstood. Like I said about letters and numbers 28 could be 82. The person with dyslexia will know that certain letters are in a word but written the wrong way round or in the wrong places. Words may be missed out of sentences.
Many people with Autism stuffer Anxiety and depression mainly when we don't feel equal to all people. For eg; not been able to tie your shoe laces as a child at the same time as your school mate. When most children see that they don't want to be your friend, they see you as a bullying target just because you may be different to them.
Autism World.
They say we aren't very good with imagination. Nine out ten children with Autism find it hard to play with other children because we aren't as quick as they are and we don't understand the games like they do. How squib do they think we are? Their lose out when we can make up our games quite happily on our own. Just have our dolls, teds and etc, they become people we can communicate with. We make up our own stories so in the end people with Autism aren't alone after all. I think this what's made me enjoy writing short stories and poetry today. If we are taken from our world it affects us badly, it's best to let us move on to our new Autism world in our own time. We are slow learner, we get somewhere in the end but whether it's where we want is a different story. I'm still trying to come out of the Autism world now at the age of 41 but it's not very easy. The strange thing is that I don't whether I like the Autism world or yes and no, your alone but no one can answer you back.
The world seems like a mass of people bigger, better and quicker than people with Autism. For most of us there comes a time that we learn to understand the world isn't as big or black and white as it seems, it just takes us a long time to understand that. This is what can make it hard for us to get along with people. Some of very slowly learn to understand people and their feelings rather than just our own. Childhood is the worst time from what I faced to not be aware of others. For some of us for at least roughly mid adulthood we learn to understand there are others around us as well as ourselves.
Yet during childhood you live in a world think you are like other children yet not understanding why you are learning slower than other children yet you are still aware learning slowly is most the reason why children may be bullying you. They don't understand why you aren't equal to them because you can't do things at the same speed as them but when you think about as a child you don't understand it either. This is why you think you should be like other children and why shouldn't you be? In the end it's the way life is that causes so much misunderstanding through no one's fault.
It can take people themselves a long time to comes terms to understand they have learning disabilities and they learn slower than other people and with thr right support skills can be achieved.
Meaning of the word learning disability.
Learning disability can affect peoples' everyday lives. Memory, understanding, reading, writing, education, work, home, friendships, relationships and etc.
Disabilities can be caused before, during or after birth.
Learning disability can vary from person to person.
Some people learn very well in school but others don't, I didn't.
The teaches used to shout at me to tell me to wake up.
I was always lacking in my school work.
I was very hard for them to teach.
When I left school I worked very hard in college to pass exams which I didn't do school.
Information wasn't accessible in those days.
It's better than it was but we still have a long way to go.
As a child I had a very poor memory in what the teachers were trying to teach in class.
I could not take information but I could read and write fairly well, I mostly used to copy off the board.
I learned more when I left school when I was there.
Signs and symptoms of learning disability.
People can find it harder and longer to learn than other people.
Feeling angry because they can't learn as quick as others or not at all.
Behavior problems due to disabilities, health problems and we want to be equal to other people.
Misunderstanding people around us and information.
Finding it hard to join in with others.
Finding it hard to show interest in things.
Learning disabilities are conditions and Mental Health problems that affect the body and or mind. For most people chances in life can be very limited but most people have the right support. Some disabilities can be linked to Mental Health, which can all vary. People who have disabilities and Mental Health problems mostly have Mental disabilities, which slows the brain down. Many of these people have hidden disabilities that can't been seen such as mine for eg; one is dyspraxia, which is a grip with the hands, co - ordination and Motor skill problems.
According to Mencap there are 1 - 5 people with learning disabilities in the UK.
There are all different kinds of disabilities.
Autism is a disability that people should except the unexpected of.
There are so many debates about Dyslexia whether it is a learning disability or not. Dyslexia is also misunderstood because it's known as a reading and writing disability so people tend to think that people can't read. More often than not the mind works the wrong way round. When a person knows that certain letters are in a certain word but can be put in the wrong places or the wrong way round. This can work the same with numbers.
You may well find you will face different disabilities and health problems finding different things hard through their life. For eg; don't expect two dyslexia to face the same problem, you could be surprise with one person to the other how strong they can be. For eg; one person may be good with letters but not good with numbers. Vise versa with the other person. One thing they could have in common with on the bright side is talent but different talents. For eg; one person could be good at drawing and painting, the other person writing such as poetry and short stories or like me both.
Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder is a very high form of Autism.
The easiest way to say it is ADHD.
This is where a person has too much energy,they won't sit down for one minute.
What calm me down in the end was when the doctors took me off the heavy dose tablets I was, which had been on since birth to 13 years old.
They don't sleep at night, which makes them very over tired, moody and not easy to get along with.
They can pull a paddy at any time, any place and anywhere.
This can cause very poor concentration.
It can cause a lot of lack of communication and understanding with the people around them.
I was very hyperactive as a child.
I suffered from very bad behavior problems, I would have a temper paddies any time any place and anywhere.
I would scream any place down.
I never used to sleep at night but I couldn't pay attention in the day so I didn't get on very well in school.
I hope Health staff today can become more aware of the side affects a lot of medications can have. One can never be too sure if the information on the packages are right.
Some people who live their own with very little support mainly with these cut backs, may not find the information on the packs accessible meaning clear.
If the person has none or little support health staff should go through the information with them.
It only takes someone not to have anyone or enough people around them, if they don't understand the information they may take too much medication or none at all.
It's possible I may have had ADHD as a child or it could have been due to the tablets I was taking at the time.
It may well be worth looking into family history and research to if there has been any learning disability in your family history whether there is now or not.
What disabilities do or and did?
Injuries, long, short term illeness and etc,
Affects of lives.
The causes are hard to know but from my experience, I was put on a heavy dose of tablets that were far too strong for my fits, from birth to 13.
This lost me a lot of my school education, I never got on with the teachers all the children.
What made it even worse was that there was very little any education in learning disability and mental health in those days.
When I came off those tablets, after a couple of years or so I started to become more of the world, learn things and slowly starting to get along with people.
What we are starting to be more aware of is the salt and sugar that can send people on a high. Despite of some foods and drink been low sugar and salt now, there's still a lot with far too much salt and sugar in. We need to be keeping an eye on these things. For eg; have they left enough sugar and salt out? I admit as a child I used to eat a hell of a lot of sugary things, which we very unaware of back then.
Autism is a life time learning disability that affects the way people communicate and how they get along with people. Autism can also affect people's awareness making then out to not to care how people are feeling when all it is they aren't aware. It is an unawareness of the big wide world. Not everyone whose has Autism and other disabilities for that matter faces the same problems. An over crowded world can cause a person with Autism Anxiety, it also cause people around them Anxiety too.
People with the Autism Spectrum condition face difficulties that affect their disabilities in different ways. Some people with Autism live independent lives with very little support others 24 hour support but still live in their own homes.
What many people don't understand is there are many disabilities are hidden so people don't think we have as many problems as we have. I have never been diagnosed but my family have read book films on Autism, they have a feeling that I may be. To my knowledge there's only one form of Autism that's a hidden disability but if that's the case I must have some form of Autism.
Some people like myself find it hard to explain what we are trying to say. This can cause a lack of communication and understanding. Yet on the bright side one way or the other we are creative people for eg; me with my writing, I also draw and paint.Through people not understanding you can be misunderstood, this can make you feel unhappy or and even left out of society. This can affect the choices and control people should have over their lives whether they have Autism or not.
Many people with Autism may be affected by sound, taste, smell, light, colours and etc.
People with Aspire Syndrome are often average intelligence. They have very little problem with speech but they may find it more harder to understand information.
When it comes to support with money there's never a balance. People are either over crowding you or not there at all.
We don't always get the right services to support us. In Wolverhampton there's more support Autistic children than adults.
We don't always get the right support with work, benefits, home and etc.
Travelling.
Autism affects a lot people's lives in different ways. It can either depend on what kind Autism people have got but then no two people with the same Autism may face the same problems like all disabilities. Just except the unaccepted.
I find it hard to cope empty or over crowded people and places. For eg; busy busy airports with information flashing on and off so fast.
I find my way round better in my home area and town. I guess I find it hard to snap out of change and route because I had been over protected for so many years of my life.
Not many people with disabilities such as myself can drive so we have to re lie on public transport. I'm lucky than most some people don't know their about and what bus stop to get on and off. There was once a time I was like that, it took me years to learn it but better late than never.
Some people miss out on going out at night because they don't their way around, they are scared of crime, bullying and Anti - social behaviour. There isn't enough money for Support workers to come out to support at night and many people can't cope their money. Some these things I have problems with myself but not all. With me it's mainly my money.
Employment.
Most employers don't understand learning disability. Not everyone takes note of the Disability Discrimination Act. It's better than it was but we still have a long way to go. People still having to cope with discrimination.
We are still a Health & Safety hazard to employers, when isn't enough funding to support us to be healthy and safe.
Here some of the mistakes employers and the government make.
Not enough support for people who can't use computers.
The government spend the money the least important things.
The government is robbing off the poor instead of the rich.
Not enough support to work to time limits and do the job right.
If you work in the LD field you will need to learn about Accessible Information. For eg; braille and sign language. A lot of people with LD such as myself find too much information and jargon hard and confusing.
The government bors me to tears but I'm a learning disability MP for the People's Parliament supported by a Self - Advocacy group called Changing Our Lives. If anyone has any complaints in the learning field to the Members of Parliament. People with LD, families, carers and etc are welcome to email me on sarajgroman@googlemail.com or sarajanegorman@gmail.com on Facebook.It's my job to find out what the government in Houses of Parliament are playing at.
The world only started learning about Autism in 1943 but it's still isn't known now. The figures are roughly there 500,000 families of people with Autism. Research says it more common in boys than girls.
Different kinds of Autism.
Autism Spectrum isn't all that different to Aspire Syndrome apart from people with Aspire don't appear to have learning disabilities our disabilities are very hidden. It can take a long time for people to learn and understand Aspire. Spectrum is mostly noticed. For eg; they may have major speech problems whereas people with Aspire may have mild speech problems. Both forms of Autism finds it hard to communicate in society, interaction and imagination.
To put a guess on my kind of Autism I think I could be Aspire. I have problems with my hands I find it hard to grip things for eg; opening everyday things like jars and bottles, bad coordination, bad motor skills. This is another hidden disability that hasn't been diagnosed. My Auntie thinks I may have Dyslexia.
In some ways people with LD are our own doctors because we know how our problems affect our everyday lives.
Many people like myself with possible Aspire stuffer from Dyslexia. I was diagnosed for Borderline Dyslexia because I mostly use my right hand, my left hand is very weak. People tend to think with dyslexia that people can't read and write. That's not true, we just see words, letters and numbers that could be the wrong way round. Like all disabilities dyslexia varies from person not disability to disability. You must excepted the excepted. People with dyslexia do have spelling problems but we can also be misunderstood. Like I said about letters and numbers 28 could be 82. The person with dyslexia will know that certain letters are in a word but written the wrong way round or in the wrong places. Words may be missed out of sentences.
Many people with Autism stuffer Anxiety and depression mainly when we don't feel equal to all people. For eg; not been able to tie your shoe laces as a child at the same time as your school mate. When most children see that they don't want to be your friend, they see you as a bullying target just because you may be different to them.
Autism World.
They say we aren't very good with imagination. Nine out ten children with Autism find it hard to play with other children because we aren't as quick as they are and we don't understand the games like they do. How squib do they think we are? Their lose out when we can make up our games quite happily on our own. Just have our dolls, teds and etc, they become people we can communicate with. We make up our own stories so in the end people with Autism aren't alone after all. I think this what's made me enjoy writing short stories and poetry today. If we are taken from our world it affects us badly, it's best to let us move on to our new Autism world in our own time. We are slow learner, we get somewhere in the end but whether it's where we want is a different story. I'm still trying to come out of the Autism world now at the age of 41 but it's not very easy. The strange thing is that I don't whether I like the Autism world or yes and no, your alone but no one can answer you back.
The world seems like a mass of people bigger, better and quicker than people with Autism. For most of us there comes a time that we learn to understand the world isn't as big or black and white as it seems, it just takes us a long time to understand that. This is what can make it hard for us to get along with people. Some of very slowly learn to understand people and their feelings rather than just our own. Childhood is the worst time from what I faced to not be aware of others. For some of us for at least roughly mid adulthood we learn to understand there are others around us as well as ourselves.
Yet during childhood you live in a world think you are like other children yet not understanding why you are learning slower than other children yet you are still aware learning slowly is most the reason why children may be bullying you. They don't understand why you aren't equal to them because you can't do things at the same speed as them but when you think about as a child you don't understand it either. This is why you think you should be like other children and why shouldn't you be? In the end it's the way life is that causes so much misunderstanding through no one's fault.
It can take people themselves a long time to comes terms to understand they have learning disabilities and they learn slower than other people and with thr right support skills can be achieved.
Introduction to me, learning disability and Autism.
This piece of writing isn't only introducing me, learning disability and Autism. It's introducing the book I want to write on the topic of learning disability and Autism. I started off writing short stories then poetry at the age of 27. I have had a poem published in one each of eleven books, wrote the odd Newsletter reports for a Disability Social club I used to go to in 'The Happy Society in Wolverhampton, another Charity I used to work for called Compton Hospice I did this with family support. I been on a fare few Creative writing course, Script and Screen course in March 2009, Creative writing course supported by Mencap December 2009, Helped out with Penn Hall Special school helping the children with them creating their own Superheroes.
Not forgetting the work I do in the field I'm writing the book about. I mostly speak up for the rights of LD and Autism.I'm a Self - Advocacy group Supporter for Our Shout Self - Advocacy group supported by Royal Wolverhampton Mencap.
As a Learning Disability Awareness trainer I used to have my own small business for a short while called Access All Areas Now!, which shared with Jessica Bromley another person with disabilities. We couldn't get the work, not enough support through the cutbacks and Learning Disability Awareness is still a new field to a lot of services so it's not an easy one to market. We were only earning £20.00 per session due to our benefits.Add on to our pilot, we only earned £80.00. I know it was hard going but if only we there was enough support to keep it going, I was still willing to carry on and Jessica was in two minds because she had a lot more other pieces of work than me and didn't time to run it with me.
I'm 41 yrs old, I been writing since I was 23 at the beginning of 1993. I just started started to recover from Cancer of the Throat. I was staying with my Gran. I was watching a report on the ten O, clock news when I had heard the Elderly and Disabled homes closing, which upset me badly. This made me think about the writer Charlies Dickens who wrote about children who were orphans. I gabbed a pen and paper because I was board. Listening to the news made me want to write about people and animals worse off than myself. I wanted to raise money to the ones than need it most but through what I earned with my writing. This is still what I'm working towards now at the age of 41. My aim has always been to write about any subject that comes to mind and work hard to interest my readers the best I can.
I haven't had a great deal luck having support for writing and publishing. It would be most helpful to know what you think this piece of writing thank you. sarajgorman@googlemail.com or on Facebook sarajanegorman@gmail.com
I'm hoping to introduce myself as a person as well as a person with Autism other learning disabilities and a writer. At the same time I will work hard to interest my readers. I started writing this book as my life story 18 years ago, which hasn't been published. Now I thought about linking up the Autism with it, which is the main the learning disability I have to live with. Autism is a disability hard to understand and the world needs to understand it more. As for writing my first book, I feel it's important for my readers to get to know me first. This book is about the past, present, future dreams and to help others like me as well as worse off than me.
I just may not get published as the publishing field is very hard but even harder when you have disabilities and not the right support.
My idea of writing this book is for readers who are interested in learning disability and Autism, people themselves, families, carers, friends, students and people who work in the field of learning disabilities. I Will be also linking this to my life story. I understand that's there's people worse off but I want to help to things better for like me than what I had and I have got.
I will tell you how Autism and my other disabilities have affected my life. We understand the world isn't perfect but we should be able to access more than what we do. We understand that today's cutbacks is making life even harder. I will tell you the good and the bad from my experience but I dare say there are other people and writers like me who experience different things.
Most of can't live an equal life to other people going through nursery, school, college, work, home, family, friendships, relationships and etc.I want to work hard to see that people with LD are able access as many things as possible with the right support. Life is hard for you but there a lot of things we can't access without support.Most of us can't live equal lives because we are over protected by society.
When I say about learning disability and Autism many people like myself have other disabilities as well as Autism.
The world is either a lonely or over crowded place, which many people like myself with Autism find hard to cope with.
I will do my best in this book to tell you what expect from people with disabilities and Autism from my own experience but others like me or not much different may tell you some different about their experiences. If you look at different websites of Autism there are different kinds of Autism. Bare in mind that someone with the same Autism as me may not experience the same things so it is and isn't depending on what kind of Autism people have got. WWW.nas@nas.org.uk that's the National Autism Society.
Not forgetting the work I do in the field I'm writing the book about. I mostly speak up for the rights of LD and Autism.I'm a Self - Advocacy group Supporter for Our Shout Self - Advocacy group supported by Royal Wolverhampton Mencap.
As a Learning Disability Awareness trainer I used to have my own small business for a short while called Access All Areas Now!, which shared with Jessica Bromley another person with disabilities. We couldn't get the work, not enough support through the cutbacks and Learning Disability Awareness is still a new field to a lot of services so it's not an easy one to market. We were only earning £20.00 per session due to our benefits.Add on to our pilot, we only earned £80.00. I know it was hard going but if only we there was enough support to keep it going, I was still willing to carry on and Jessica was in two minds because she had a lot more other pieces of work than me and didn't time to run it with me.
I'm 41 yrs old, I been writing since I was 23 at the beginning of 1993. I just started started to recover from Cancer of the Throat. I was staying with my Gran. I was watching a report on the ten O, clock news when I had heard the Elderly and Disabled homes closing, which upset me badly. This made me think about the writer Charlies Dickens who wrote about children who were orphans. I gabbed a pen and paper because I was board. Listening to the news made me want to write about people and animals worse off than myself. I wanted to raise money to the ones than need it most but through what I earned with my writing. This is still what I'm working towards now at the age of 41. My aim has always been to write about any subject that comes to mind and work hard to interest my readers the best I can.
I haven't had a great deal luck having support for writing and publishing. It would be most helpful to know what you think this piece of writing thank you. sarajgorman@googlemail.com or on Facebook sarajanegorman@gmail.com
I'm hoping to introduce myself as a person as well as a person with Autism other learning disabilities and a writer. At the same time I will work hard to interest my readers. I started writing this book as my life story 18 years ago, which hasn't been published. Now I thought about linking up the Autism with it, which is the main the learning disability I have to live with. Autism is a disability hard to understand and the world needs to understand it more. As for writing my first book, I feel it's important for my readers to get to know me first. This book is about the past, present, future dreams and to help others like me as well as worse off than me.
I just may not get published as the publishing field is very hard but even harder when you have disabilities and not the right support.
My idea of writing this book is for readers who are interested in learning disability and Autism, people themselves, families, carers, friends, students and people who work in the field of learning disabilities. I Will be also linking this to my life story. I understand that's there's people worse off but I want to help to things better for like me than what I had and I have got.
I will tell you how Autism and my other disabilities have affected my life. We understand the world isn't perfect but we should be able to access more than what we do. We understand that today's cutbacks is making life even harder. I will tell you the good and the bad from my experience but I dare say there are other people and writers like me who experience different things.
Most of can't live an equal life to other people going through nursery, school, college, work, home, family, friendships, relationships and etc.I want to work hard to see that people with LD are able access as many things as possible with the right support. Life is hard for you but there a lot of things we can't access without support.Most of us can't live equal lives because we are over protected by society.
When I say about learning disability and Autism many people like myself have other disabilities as well as Autism.
The world is either a lonely or over crowded place, which many people like myself with Autism find hard to cope with.
I will do my best in this book to tell you what expect from people with disabilities and Autism from my own experience but others like me or not much different may tell you some different about their experiences. If you look at different websites of Autism there are different kinds of Autism. Bare in mind that someone with the same Autism as me may not experience the same things so it is and isn't depending on what kind of Autism people have got. WWW.nas@nas.org.uk that's the National Autism Society.
Sunday, 20 February 2011
The Update for the Health play.
I had just had my operation, I still wasn't feeling myself, I felt weak and light headed.
I was lyeing in bed calling the nurse to go to the toilet. Clock shows 6 O'clock.
"Nurse, nurse, I need the toilet."
I got out of bed, I was giddy as I fell over a pile of bed pans and I was shouting.
No one took any notice.
If no one is coming I will have to go myself, I need the toilet."
I passed out as vaious people walked passed me.
When the nurse finely found me she notice my chin was bleeding.
" Are you ok? Let's get you back into bed."
"You chin is bleeding."
"Oh goodness, I'm dripping."
"Let's clean up your chin!"
It wouldn't stop bleeding.
"I'm still bleeding, nurse."
"Oh it will be ok, it's only a little cut."
The showed 12.00pm.
Nurse comes over to the bed.
"I'm still bleeding."
"Whoops, maybe we should get the doctor to look at it.
My chin had been bleeding for 6 hours because I wasn't listened to.
I was lyeing in bed calling the nurse to go to the toilet. Clock shows 6 O'clock.
"Nurse, nurse, I need the toilet."
I got out of bed, I was giddy as I fell over a pile of bed pans and I was shouting.
No one took any notice.
If no one is coming I will have to go myself, I need the toilet."
I passed out as vaious people walked passed me.
When the nurse finely found me she notice my chin was bleeding.
" Are you ok? Let's get you back into bed."
"You chin is bleeding."
"Oh goodness, I'm dripping."
"Let's clean up your chin!"
It wouldn't stop bleeding.
"I'm still bleeding, nurse."
"Oh it will be ok, it's only a little cut."
The showed 12.00pm.
Nurse comes over to the bed.
"I'm still bleeding."
"Whoops, maybe we should get the doctor to look at it.
My chin had been bleeding for 6 hours because I wasn't listened to.
Sunday, 30 January 2011
Friday, 21 January 2011
Our Shout News 2011
Those of most of you who are on Facebook may be aware that Mencap have chosen Bully and Hate Crime for Learning Disability week 2011, which is in mid to late June 2011. I am volunteer group support for Mencap's Self - Advocacy group Our Shout. I will be support someone in the group to set the Bully and Hate Crime topic. Last June I supported this person in a meeting gave him a choice of his own topic, he chose bullying and hate crime so he's setting a piece of work for the members of the group and himself to do.
Sadly Access All Areas Now! is coming to an end due to cuts but I am looking for some employment paid employment to support people with disabilities or and something to do with writing. There wasn't enough support for me and Jess my business partner to get any work coming in. Services that support us there jobs are on the line too. If the cuts have any affect on your life, your more than welcome to send me an email if you want me to.sarajgorman@googlemail.com
Sadly Access All Areas Now! is coming to an end due to cuts but I am looking for some employment paid employment to support people with disabilities or and something to do with writing. There wasn't enough support for me and Jess my business partner to get any work coming in. Services that support us there jobs are on the line too. If the cuts have any affect on your life, your more than welcome to send me an email if you want me to.sarajgorman@googlemail.com
Saturday, 15 January 2011
Poems 2011
Miss you.
Doesn't matter where I am at what time your always on my mind.
I'm listening out for my phone counting minutes days and hours when I could see you again.
When I walk around the round town hoping to see you without been planned it very rarely happens.
Sometimes I eat too much other times I eat too little.
Some nights I have very little sleep because I can't stop thinking about you.
Some nights I sleep too much, I can't stop dreaming about you.
I miss you so much.
Everyday my feelings get stronger and stronger for you but I can face you in a calm way.
You know how I feel about you, don't you?
I don't have to say three words.
I understand that it's not just my feelings that count it's yours too. 15.1.2011
Time.
Time seems like forever with and without you.
When I'm without you it seems as if I'm never you going to see you again but I know I will.
I never knew what love was until I met you.
I thought love was seeing your lover every night and day.
Now I realise how much I do love someone, baby he is you.
Time is painful without you but happiness is when I see you in private.
Time makes me want you more.
When I see you I want you even more.
My world is dark without you.
Nothing and no one is going to take away how I feel about you.
We open our minds when we both want to.
Your always inside my private mind, only time will tell.
I will never give up you unless you give up on me my love no matter what happens.
I listen out for my phone.
When I stay in odd nights I listen out for my door.15.1.2011
If anyone wants to send me a poem, please send on my email address sarajgorman@googlemail.com, you can type it on the Readers and Writer's group site or may even want it on my website please say if you do.
Disability, Bullying and Hate Crime.
We are seen but not heard.
It's hard to believe if you don't see.
It's hard to know what's happened when your not there.
People with learn ing dis a Billi ties find it hard to make our selves under stood.
We can't help the way we are.
Most things are hard to talk about it can be hard to get things off our minds.
It can be hard to get Hate Crime off our minds.
People who do Hate Crime should get a life time.
Most people who bully as children do Hate Crime as adults.
Most people today get away with bullying and Hate Crime because the law lets them.
There used to be a time that children were taught to learn right from wrong.
People who bully and do Hate Crime get away with it forever or for a long time.
Just because people don't see us get hurt it doesn't mean we don't.
You see some of us can't stand up for ourselves.
Not many of us who can stand up for our selves.
Those of us who do manage to stand up for our selves get mis under stood for the bullies.
The world thinks we are bullies instead of victims.
People who bully and or do hate crime don't always get found out.
20.1.2011
Strange.
The world dull no one knows on one.
People are there but no one is there.
No one believes anyone.
No one trusts one another because no one knows no one.
No one knows what say to to anyone.
Everyone is scared of one another because it's hard to trust one another.
Not enough love for one another anymore.
The world was once a world everyone knew everyone now no one knows no one.
No one knows what to say so no one says nothing but we are so scared of one another.
The world is quiet but noise with shouting and crime.
The world feels strange yet it shouldn't feel strange feeling strange these days.
The way the world is going these days it will get strangers all the time.
Not enough punishment.
Not enough respect.
Not enough manners.
There was a time that the bad was very few and far between.
There was never a perfect was and will be a perfect but not as bad a this.
It makes it hard to believe that it will get better but never put a guest on anything the world isn't all black and white.19.2.2011
Autism world is strange.
Autism is a feeling the world over crowding you.
When your feeling as if your in prison but your not.
When your free your not free.
The world and it's people seem bigger, smaller and better than you.
Everyone seems to have better chances, choices and control better than you.
Everyone has an education, job, family, lover, child, home, social life but not you.
Even if and when you have those things you always feel useless as if your spoiling someone Else's life because you need their support.
The world blind to see what depending on the rest of the world feels like.
The world is telling us what to do because we support, as adults we still feel like children.
As an adult you feel more useless when people are saying what you can and can't do.
Ok Autism affects our lives but with right support we will get through.
The world is lonely even when it's full, we must keep travelling in hopes loneliness and an over crowded world is no more.
We can only hope but life goes on.
We mustn't thing bad of life all the time.
Even when out seeing millions of people it's still a lonely world in a lonely room.
When people are there they may as well not be but even more lovely without them whether they are strange or not.
They are living in different world to Autism world.
We never stop believing in ourselves, despite the world over crowding and closing us in. 19.2.2011
You left me in darkness.
You left me in darkness.
You left me alone.
Every leaf blew off the tree after you had gone.
I blew you away without meaning to I thought but we should have stayed away from one another.
The heartache I had before you I took out on you.
I shouldn't have worried about other people's heartaches then it wouldn't have gone on to us.
I only should have thought about you and me.
I drove you away then you came back to me.
I tried my best to keep us together again.
I suddenly realised I was with a guy who didn't know who and what he wanted in his life.
Walking away wasn't an easy thing to do when I loved you so much.
I knew I had to make that move because you were breaking my heart.
I knew you were playing games with my mind.
What did I do wrong last time?
It was good thinking anything was going to change because you would keep changing your mind forever.
You didn't love me or hate me, you just wanted to mess up my mind.
It was no use carrying on because we were just hurting one another.
I still care about you but everything I touch I seem to break. 19.2.2011
It doesn't seem what it's feels.
It's seems like darkness with no brightness.
It's seems as if love isn't going to happen.
Yet I feel so much love towards you.
I'm missing you so much.
Giving up on you seems and feels very hard for me to do.
Days and nights without you seem as if I'm never going to see you again.
It's a lonely world without you but nothing and no one can take away how I feel about you.
Every day and night my feelings are too strong to let go. 20.2.2011
When I see you.
When see you, you brighten up my world.
You make my day and night.
When I'm not seeing you the world is strange, dark and dull.
I never give up, I can take the pain of not seeing you as long as it takes because I love you for you. 20.11.2011
It's not easy.
I try not to feel too close to you but that not easy to do.
At the same time I understand your world isn't all round me.
I understand that you may not love forever, it's to believe a lovely guy like you ever will.
It's me whose in the wrong, my feelings towards you are hard to control.
The fact I see you less I want you more.
I want you to have what you want in life but my love is too strong.
Nothing lasts forever but how long I feel this way towards you I don't know.
I keep preparing myself for you to break my heart, I should know what to expect because it's happened to me so many times before.
No matter how many times I try it's like I never learn.
I have so much trust in you but the future is unknown.
Like I have said before I'm not building my hopes up but never say never.
This is where I keep trying to prepare myself for whatever happens. 20.2.2011
Love puts a trap inside you.
It can be hard to stop love putting a trap inside you.
Once you have those feelings for someone love comes and goes when it wants to.
There are times you need to let go but it's not easy to do so.
Sometimes love won't let go of you no matter what's going on around you.
It's like a drug bit ting inside you.
Your love may not feel the same for the person you love anymore but your feelings of love Carry's on as long as it wants to.
When your feelings of love is left behind it keeps bit ting back at you.
Hurts so bad it cuts you like a knife.
For love to go it takes as long as it takes.20.2.2011
Feelings.
What do I wrong?
I easy full in love.
I'm not perfect.
I try my best.
The wrong thing I do is love you too much yet there shouldn't be anything wrong.
Yet loving you seems the right thing to do because loving you is where my feelings lye.
No matter how hard to I try to not get close to you, my love is far too strong not to.
I should be able to understand your feelings too.
I can't except you to love me forever.
I should know because no one has loved me forever yet. 20.2.2011
Lovers friends.
We are friends but I love you more.
I feel myself getting more closer to you.
Even though I don't see a lot of you my feelings are growing more and more towards you.
It's really hard because I can't expect to feel the same way not forever anyway.
No one knows how long my feelings towards you will last.
We are lovers who don't have a great deal of a chance to discover one another.
How long I feel the way I do I can't say.
Like I say my feelings are growing everyday.
Life is a long or a short journey so is love.
I can't say how long it will take to begin or end.
Change.
I never used to know what you wanted.
I never used to know what mood you were in one minute to the next.
You could change your mind more times than you change your socks.
One minute you loved me next minute you didn't but I did always loved you.
Now I can't seem to love you anymore, may be that's a good thing as you hurt too many times in 13 and a half years or more.
The way you changed your mind drove me up the wall yet I loved you so much I could take anymore.
The more I loved you the more you hurt me, you just made me more and unhappy in the end but lovely in the beginning.
Now that I have moved on it's now your lost world.
You should have made the most of me while I was there.
If you love me now it's far too late. 20.2.2011
Missing you.
Days and nights are dark without you.
I miss you even more when the rain falls as my tears cry without you.
The skies seem dull and grey without you.
Slowly you and the warm sun is coming my way.
It's seems like a never ending journey without you.
It seems as if I'm never going to be with you.
Yet my feelings are growing more and more towards you.
I know your not very far away but you seem a million miles away. 20.2.2011
Will it end?
Will it end my friend?
Our companionship.
Our love.
Talking about the good and bad parts of life.
Listening and understanding one another.
A friendship that grows into love may grow out.
There's plenty of happiness and smiles when I'm with you.
Plenty of sadness tears when I'm without you but my love is too strong to give up. 20.2.2011
You found me.
I saw you.
You saw me but we didn't know one another.
My world was dull after losing my last love at least I thought it was.
You and me took a while to speak then we spoke.
We seemed to get along as good friends, little I thought there would be a bit more.
I thought you would have been married with kids but I was still unsure of my thoughts.
I didn't want to upset a happy home.
When you first paid interest me, it was very sudden I didn't how to respond.
Now my feelings towards you are growing so strong I don't want to lose you.
I love you far too much despite your hard situation.
Your a lovely looking guy who can choose any girl you want.
I can understand why any girl would love you.
My fear is that my heart could break.
I really should stay away but my love for you is now far strong to let go. 20.2.2011
Fed up of guys.
Fed up of guys going after me, I'm not that special am I?
They are never there when I'm alone only when I am with someone.
Yet I am mostly alone these days they are here when I don't want them near.
There's only one person I love and he is you.
The only thing about lonely love is you can't get rid of the guys you don't love. 20.2.2011
Doesn't matter where I am at what time your always on my mind.
I'm listening out for my phone counting minutes days and hours when I could see you again.
When I walk around the round town hoping to see you without been planned it very rarely happens.
Sometimes I eat too much other times I eat too little.
Some nights I have very little sleep because I can't stop thinking about you.
Some nights I sleep too much, I can't stop dreaming about you.
I miss you so much.
Everyday my feelings get stronger and stronger for you but I can face you in a calm way.
You know how I feel about you, don't you?
I don't have to say three words.
I understand that it's not just my feelings that count it's yours too. 15.1.2011
Time.
Time seems like forever with and without you.
When I'm without you it seems as if I'm never you going to see you again but I know I will.
I never knew what love was until I met you.
I thought love was seeing your lover every night and day.
Now I realise how much I do love someone, baby he is you.
Time is painful without you but happiness is when I see you in private.
Time makes me want you more.
When I see you I want you even more.
My world is dark without you.
Nothing and no one is going to take away how I feel about you.
We open our minds when we both want to.
Your always inside my private mind, only time will tell.
I will never give up you unless you give up on me my love no matter what happens.
I listen out for my phone.
When I stay in odd nights I listen out for my door.15.1.2011
If anyone wants to send me a poem, please send on my email address sarajgorman@googlemail.com, you can type it on the Readers and Writer's group site or may even want it on my website please say if you do.
Disability, Bullying and Hate Crime.
We are seen but not heard.
It's hard to believe if you don't see.
It's hard to know what's happened when your not there.
People with learn ing dis a Billi ties find it hard to make our selves under stood.
We can't help the way we are.
Most things are hard to talk about it can be hard to get things off our minds.
It can be hard to get Hate Crime off our minds.
People who do Hate Crime should get a life time.
Most people who bully as children do Hate Crime as adults.
Most people today get away with bullying and Hate Crime because the law lets them.
There used to be a time that children were taught to learn right from wrong.
People who bully and do Hate Crime get away with it forever or for a long time.
Just because people don't see us get hurt it doesn't mean we don't.
You see some of us can't stand up for ourselves.
Not many of us who can stand up for our selves.
Those of us who do manage to stand up for our selves get mis under stood for the bullies.
The world thinks we are bullies instead of victims.
People who bully and or do hate crime don't always get found out.
20.1.2011
Strange.
The world dull no one knows on one.
People are there but no one is there.
No one believes anyone.
No one trusts one another because no one knows no one.
No one knows what say to to anyone.
Everyone is scared of one another because it's hard to trust one another.
Not enough love for one another anymore.
The world was once a world everyone knew everyone now no one knows no one.
No one knows what to say so no one says nothing but we are so scared of one another.
The world is quiet but noise with shouting and crime.
The world feels strange yet it shouldn't feel strange feeling strange these days.
The way the world is going these days it will get strangers all the time.
Not enough punishment.
Not enough respect.
Not enough manners.
There was a time that the bad was very few and far between.
There was never a perfect was and will be a perfect but not as bad a this.
It makes it hard to believe that it will get better but never put a guest on anything the world isn't all black and white.19.2.2011
Autism world is strange.
Autism is a feeling the world over crowding you.
When your feeling as if your in prison but your not.
When your free your not free.
The world and it's people seem bigger, smaller and better than you.
Everyone seems to have better chances, choices and control better than you.
Everyone has an education, job, family, lover, child, home, social life but not you.
Even if and when you have those things you always feel useless as if your spoiling someone Else's life because you need their support.
The world blind to see what depending on the rest of the world feels like.
The world is telling us what to do because we support, as adults we still feel like children.
As an adult you feel more useless when people are saying what you can and can't do.
Ok Autism affects our lives but with right support we will get through.
The world is lonely even when it's full, we must keep travelling in hopes loneliness and an over crowded world is no more.
We can only hope but life goes on.
We mustn't thing bad of life all the time.
Even when out seeing millions of people it's still a lonely world in a lonely room.
When people are there they may as well not be but even more lovely without them whether they are strange or not.
They are living in different world to Autism world.
We never stop believing in ourselves, despite the world over crowding and closing us in. 19.2.2011
You left me in darkness.
You left me in darkness.
You left me alone.
Every leaf blew off the tree after you had gone.
I blew you away without meaning to I thought but we should have stayed away from one another.
The heartache I had before you I took out on you.
I shouldn't have worried about other people's heartaches then it wouldn't have gone on to us.
I only should have thought about you and me.
I drove you away then you came back to me.
I tried my best to keep us together again.
I suddenly realised I was with a guy who didn't know who and what he wanted in his life.
Walking away wasn't an easy thing to do when I loved you so much.
I knew I had to make that move because you were breaking my heart.
I knew you were playing games with my mind.
What did I do wrong last time?
It was good thinking anything was going to change because you would keep changing your mind forever.
You didn't love me or hate me, you just wanted to mess up my mind.
It was no use carrying on because we were just hurting one another.
I still care about you but everything I touch I seem to break. 19.2.2011
It doesn't seem what it's feels.
It's seems like darkness with no brightness.
It's seems as if love isn't going to happen.
Yet I feel so much love towards you.
I'm missing you so much.
Giving up on you seems and feels very hard for me to do.
Days and nights without you seem as if I'm never going to see you again.
It's a lonely world without you but nothing and no one can take away how I feel about you.
Every day and night my feelings are too strong to let go. 20.2.2011
When I see you.
When see you, you brighten up my world.
You make my day and night.
When I'm not seeing you the world is strange, dark and dull.
I never give up, I can take the pain of not seeing you as long as it takes because I love you for you. 20.11.2011
It's not easy.
I try not to feel too close to you but that not easy to do.
At the same time I understand your world isn't all round me.
I understand that you may not love forever, it's to believe a lovely guy like you ever will.
It's me whose in the wrong, my feelings towards you are hard to control.
The fact I see you less I want you more.
I want you to have what you want in life but my love is too strong.
Nothing lasts forever but how long I feel this way towards you I don't know.
I keep preparing myself for you to break my heart, I should know what to expect because it's happened to me so many times before.
No matter how many times I try it's like I never learn.
I have so much trust in you but the future is unknown.
Like I have said before I'm not building my hopes up but never say never.
This is where I keep trying to prepare myself for whatever happens. 20.2.2011
Love puts a trap inside you.
It can be hard to stop love putting a trap inside you.
Once you have those feelings for someone love comes and goes when it wants to.
There are times you need to let go but it's not easy to do so.
Sometimes love won't let go of you no matter what's going on around you.
It's like a drug bit ting inside you.
Your love may not feel the same for the person you love anymore but your feelings of love Carry's on as long as it wants to.
When your feelings of love is left behind it keeps bit ting back at you.
Hurts so bad it cuts you like a knife.
For love to go it takes as long as it takes.20.2.2011
Feelings.
What do I wrong?
I easy full in love.
I'm not perfect.
I try my best.
The wrong thing I do is love you too much yet there shouldn't be anything wrong.
Yet loving you seems the right thing to do because loving you is where my feelings lye.
No matter how hard to I try to not get close to you, my love is far too strong not to.
I should be able to understand your feelings too.
I can't except you to love me forever.
I should know because no one has loved me forever yet. 20.2.2011
Lovers friends.
We are friends but I love you more.
I feel myself getting more closer to you.
Even though I don't see a lot of you my feelings are growing more and more towards you.
It's really hard because I can't expect to feel the same way not forever anyway.
No one knows how long my feelings towards you will last.
We are lovers who don't have a great deal of a chance to discover one another.
How long I feel the way I do I can't say.
Like I say my feelings are growing everyday.
Life is a long or a short journey so is love.
I can't say how long it will take to begin or end.
Change.
I never used to know what you wanted.
I never used to know what mood you were in one minute to the next.
You could change your mind more times than you change your socks.
One minute you loved me next minute you didn't but I did always loved you.
Now I can't seem to love you anymore, may be that's a good thing as you hurt too many times in 13 and a half years or more.
The way you changed your mind drove me up the wall yet I loved you so much I could take anymore.
The more I loved you the more you hurt me, you just made me more and unhappy in the end but lovely in the beginning.
Now that I have moved on it's now your lost world.
You should have made the most of me while I was there.
If you love me now it's far too late. 20.2.2011
Missing you.
Days and nights are dark without you.
I miss you even more when the rain falls as my tears cry without you.
The skies seem dull and grey without you.
Slowly you and the warm sun is coming my way.
It's seems like a never ending journey without you.
It seems as if I'm never going to be with you.
Yet my feelings are growing more and more towards you.
I know your not very far away but you seem a million miles away. 20.2.2011
Will it end?
Will it end my friend?
Our companionship.
Our love.
Talking about the good and bad parts of life.
Listening and understanding one another.
A friendship that grows into love may grow out.
There's plenty of happiness and smiles when I'm with you.
Plenty of sadness tears when I'm without you but my love is too strong to give up. 20.2.2011
You found me.
I saw you.
You saw me but we didn't know one another.
My world was dull after losing my last love at least I thought it was.
You and me took a while to speak then we spoke.
We seemed to get along as good friends, little I thought there would be a bit more.
I thought you would have been married with kids but I was still unsure of my thoughts.
I didn't want to upset a happy home.
When you first paid interest me, it was very sudden I didn't how to respond.
Now my feelings towards you are growing so strong I don't want to lose you.
I love you far too much despite your hard situation.
Your a lovely looking guy who can choose any girl you want.
I can understand why any girl would love you.
My fear is that my heart could break.
I really should stay away but my love for you is now far strong to let go. 20.2.2011
Fed up of guys.
Fed up of guys going after me, I'm not that special am I?
They are never there when I'm alone only when I am with someone.
Yet I am mostly alone these days they are here when I don't want them near.
There's only one person I love and he is you.
The only thing about lonely love is you can't get rid of the guys you don't love. 20.2.2011
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)