Never waist time.

This young man meant a lot to me but my regret is that I found it hard to show it while I had a chance. To be honest so many things happened in his life that troubled Paul, just because he's not with us anymore that doesn't give me the right to say what was private to Paul. 

However' due to a broken down relationship I wish I would have given myself time to get over before I started seeing Paul. Sorry if I am going off the topic but I hadn't long started seeing Paul and two people had been making up lies that I was sensitive to at the time because I was still getting over my last relationship at that point. These two people told me that they told him something and Paul decided to end it with me, which wasn't true but then I didn't know at the time. Both of us were very young and to what they said they told I thought he was angry with me but then I found some years later they hadn't said anything to start with but they told me they had. This was rather hard for Paul at the time because he had gone through a numbers things that affected him and I believe at that time he was rather looking forward to like I was a new start together our lives. At the time he must have thought I just blanked him because remember a friend his asking me if I was interested still seeing Paul. I told his friend I was but I then didn't see Paul for long time to say what really happened.

So many years after that we gave another go to find he couldn't keep it going due to the certain things that had been troubling him in his life.

Paul was a happy go lucky kind of guy, a player due to certain troubles he went through but also he liked a good laugh. 

His death was very unknown, no one really seems to know anything about it. However' even though I didn't know his family I respect their wishes to wanting to keep is private. All someone told me that his wallet was on the floor and broad daylight but where no one knows. Someone else said he may be murdered. 

As much as I have got on with other things and he was long my ex before he still means as much to me after his death as before. If anyone knows anything about what, when  happened and how I would be grateful if someone would tell me. However' I understand there may be reasons why you can't tell but if that's the case just tell me you know, thank you. Just it has been six years sometime in December thereabouts when he died and I have never known what happen, he was a very good friend of mine, thank you. 

Party Animal.

You were my life and soul even though nothing worked how I wanted to.

If only I knew who you really wanted.

I wish you were still here by side.

How miss that blond curly hair and no one could miss that clown smile.

Lovely blond eyelashes on a face of sunshine.

You were such full of laughter and fun.

You were so admired off the ladies.

Davis I just loved your jokie true charm. 12.11.2016

Friendship poetry.

Close friends.Although our love is ended can we please be very close friends?
Even though we have caused one another so much pain, why can't we be close friends.
The tears I have cried are very hard to explain but it's time to move on to be with the people we really love and be happy.
One must bare the pain the best way because things will never be the same again.
Why make ourselves unhappy by bringing things back how were because we won't win?
We have tried so hard to love one another as lovers it just has not worked the way we wanted it to.
My ring will be on my finger until the day I die.
Heaven will be the place I love again.
Close friends is how you and I will stay forever more. Written September 1997.


How I remember you.You used to have a heart.
I had your heart.
Now you don't have a heart anymore.
Now you don't love me anymore.
I don't think you ever will love me now. Written September 1997.

Can you and I be good friends.No matter what we have put each other through when we were lovers, why can't we be best of friends?
I still love you but as a best male friend.
I can never forget the pain we put one another through.
Life is too short to full out and carry on feeling sad, I am willing to look you in the eye and forget the past.
No matter what happened I find it hard to hate you.
Even if we broke each others' hearts, there's no hard feelings on my part.
All I want us to be is best of friends, is that far too much to ask?
Through all the time I've known you I have always loved you in any way you wanted me to.
I was once your lover now we know that it did not work, maybe we will be better off as best of friends. 27.2.1999

Friendship.We would be willing to keep private information quiet.
To us you protect us.
To the people who you knew you always protect them and even now you have the strong power of god in you.
To us you took your own life and gave us ours.
We all love you for the person we know of you so far.
We do and always will miss your friendship and love.
You can see us but we can't see you.
You can hear us but we can't hear you.
To think you were going to be twenty - one the second month of the first year of the 21st century. 10.2.2000

My male friend.I still love you with all my heart.
When you left me my life became hard.
My loving feelings will be here for you for life, however you feel about me.

You are my best caring male friend.
I mean every word I say my dear.
I still care and worry about you a lot.
If you don't feel the same way I will accept that.
I don't want to come between your happiness.
I must carry on accepting whatever happens in the future.
I must be happy with my life.
Deep down the memory of you is not forgotten by me. 26.2.2000

My sweet male love.To my handsome sweet male love, I love you so much.
Your eyes are like stars that shine in the sky.
My heart is so full of love.
Your heart is full of passion and love.
Lay your head upon my breast, then you may sleep on my chest.
I will love you at my best. Late 20th century to early 21st century.

Friendship.

A loving friendship bet ween a man and woman not a heavy relationship at least while getting to know one another.

Companionship is a loving feeling towards a friend, when two people love one another.

They care about one another.

They worry about one another.

To give what's missing out of life without being too serious.

To love in friendship as much as if relationship.

To learn if you can trust one another in a friendship in order to have a relationship.

To love one another very much without rushing into a relationship.

For a man and woman full in love in friendship with accepting whether it turns into a relationship or not. 1997 onwards

GOOD FRIENDSHIP.

This may be only friendly love, but to me it is good enough.
I don't think you need a boyfriend and girlfriend to love.
Male and female can still share a friendship to love.
My friendship will be here with you for however long you want me to be close to you.
I will never go away from you, unless you want me to.
I know we have been through the same thing, I know what you are going through.
Trying to move on from the people you love or loved is very hard to do, but somehow we must get on with our lives and get through.
We must try and see a future for ourselves the best way we can, but believe me I do understand that is very hard to do but all the same we must get through. 1999 to 2001

THIS IS THE REAL WORLD, NOT A DREAM WORLD.

In fairly-tale stories they say you have to kiss a good many ugly frogs to find your handsome Prince.
In my case I believe I have kissed handsome princes who have turned into ugly frogs.
Believe me, believe me not, I think my days of kissing handsome princes have gone.
Because I fear every handsome prince I kiss will turn into an ugly frog.

All the lovely things I used to dream, I thought would come true.
Now I am unhappy that everything I ever wanted hasn't happened to me and no chance will it be.
I blame myself, I fell in love far too young.
Little did I know everything was going to turn out wrong.
Now I can't love at all, because I am frightened of getting hurt again.
A male and female friendship forever more.
I must keep away from those ugly frogs. 1999 to 2001

If only you knew how much I liked you.

You were my hero although you weren't famous but I never knew how to tell you but I wish I had.

You made me feel safe and I was more in love with you more so than you thought.

I tried to stop feeling like I do but it's no use.

You just have no idea how empty I feel now you have left this world.

Okay, you may not have felt strong towards me as I do to you but now what does it matter?

I know how I feel about you.

Yes, I dare say there will be others but you will never ever slip my mind whatever happens in my life.

I must make a life of my own.

Don't worry, I will always love you and you will always be in my thoughts. 

I know things never worked out to how we thought but I have never blamed either of us, just things that happened through no fault of our own.

If only I knew I how you ready felt for me but life moves on however hard it is and I must get on without you.

However' I'd rather you be around not loving me than not being around at all.

I'd rather you be around and hate me than not be around at all.

It was so sad you had to leave this world so soon.

If only I knew what happened and which would have made it a little easier for me to move on. 

Your love will always stay with me whether I'm alone or not. 12.11.2016