End of 2017

Can't bring myself to say.

I can't bring myself to say, I shouldn't say, I should get over it, its' so wrong.
I feel so much guilt and so much shame.
I'm a numbers year old than you so I should be a number years wiser.
I know and accept that you don't feel the same way.
I shouldn't feel like this, I don't know you in person and we live so far away.
I just don't know why I feel this way.
You don't have to be so easy going about this.
If I write I may learn to live with this feeling inside of me.
This is not good, I can't risk losing such a great friendship.
I can't bring myself to say, hello I love you but then I shouldn't feel or say that.
This isn't real, it's just a story in my mind, it's all fiction but no dream. 9.12.2017

I thought I failed you but you failed me. 

Why didn't I walk away from you sooner?
I shouldn't have had you back.
How foolish I was to think you would change.
I had no reason to stay with you other than how I felt about, which is now nothing at all.
Don't know what got over me, I must have been out my mind.
I stopped loving you eight years ago after thirteen and a half years.
Back 2003, I felt in love someone else as well as you but I made myself get over it why didn't you?
You just went off with her but that's okay I would care now what you do, anyone is welcome to you.
I wish I would have got over you sooner not later.
No way am I getting myself down to your level. 9.10.2017

I never saw the light.

No one seemed to agree with my thoughts and as years went on, I saw the light that I was wrong and they were right.
For twelve months my head was just in the sand back between my hands in 1996 to 1997.
All I saw was a dark tunnel each hour, minute, second of every day.
No light never seemed to come my way.
Loneliness was just a cloud as couples walked passed, therefore I thought this wouldn't happen to me again.
That's how I thought my life was going to be.
Found for me to make one hard choice to love or loneliness but then I found it hard to get too close again.
I lost all trust in everyone but felt so bad for feeling this way.
I spent a lot of time worrying that I would meet the wrong person and get myself hurt again.
As right or wrong people may be, it's best to let people in these states of minds be themselves, in their own time some may see the light.
If you ask me what I think I will tell you but I will never tell you what and what not to do.
I will be there for you and I will never judge you, I know what this feels like, I have been there myself.
How can I love without been blind I used to ask myself?
I went through this fear for such a long time.
I had no trust in anyone at all yet I felt so bad about.
Therefore I left people to carry on talking and telling their thoughts, which I was blind to.
I used to think I may as well live my life in sin because I feared of getting hurt again.
Now I wouldn't say I'm one hundred percent me again but I'm ten times better than I was then.
Oh yes back then I wouldn't think I would be where I am today, which is why I would never say to anyone you will get there, I listen, understand and let them make their own choices. 11.12.2017

Late night snow. 
Only time will tell when the snow goes.
As the snow turns to water from the rain, then ice so we must think twice as the cold goes into the freezing light.
Open the curtains and blind; turn on the lights through the dark dull grey days as the dark evenings start to get close.
The morning comes to light with the sun shining down on melting the ice, though the flight over the overnight frozen ice that might bite. 9.12.2017

It seems so far away or not at all.

Never judge what it's like for people because you just don't know.
Nothing is the same for everyone.
I felt darkness that I thought was going to last forever more.
I was amazed I moved forward at all, then I saw the light coming from the dark and I just didn't feel the same for him at all like I used. 11.12.2017



You don't beat me.

Sticks and stones could throw me, say nasty words to me but no more could you ever break my bones.
Nothing you say and do anymore will never ever hurt me or kill me.
Don't try to creep with your words you will never again thrill me.
I feel nothing for you now, nothing at all.
Now you have left my mind.
Thank goodness I won't hear you or see you anymore, I don't miss you at all anymore. 12.12.2017

Anxiety going through my mind.

I lay asleep then woke up to see deep snow.
The clouds were grey with a windy wintery cold breeze of fresh.
The trees drifted into the breeze.
Although the doors were locked wind blew snow right into the countryside.
The winds blew high right across the sky.
The moon shone brightly with shining stars into the morning light.
Therefore I blew like a kite going through the light with such a fight.
There came the thundering and lighting with a fright.
There was darkness then came into the light.
It was such a very wild site into the night. 17. 12.2017

Me as I was, me as I am now. 

I was just a child with thick long brushy hair that blew with the wind.
Now my hair is as grey as hills.
Now tiredness is hitting me with the cold and the wind.
At the age of ten, I spaned my ankle running up the hill.
Winter days, winter nights and frost bites.
The skies are wintery, sients and grey as there are handy any people about because it's just too cold to go out, everywhere just comes to a standstill.
Short grey days turn to long dark of the night as the moon and stars don't shine a bright light. 17.12.2017


Just the way it is. 

Yes to my shame I feel as I do about you, never mind, I will cope to see it through.
I don't mean this in a nasty way, only that it's not fair on you that I feel this way.
I'm not forcing you to do what you don't want to, I know that you don't want me too.
Yes, I know it's wrong, mainly more so as we live so far away from one another, I shouldn't expect you to feel the same, it's my problem, not yours.
Just take no notice of me, nothing wrong with you, I'm just foolish you see, shame on me.
I have only embarrassed myself, I must and will let it pass.
I'm going to fight it, I'm no cheat but I'm just a silly old fool, I have a love that means too much for me to throw away.
I only hope someday you will meet the love that means so much to you, a sorry inconvenience I may have caused you, it's just me and my foolish mind.
Those thoughts have got to pass from me not you.
They will pass soon enough, don't worry. 18.12.2017


Your number one.

You mean too much to me to throw what we have together all away, take no notice of me, it's all passing and you may not believe me but nothing has happened.
He's just a friend, he's not interested and he lives so far away from me.
Shame me, no fault of your or his.
Even though I hardly see you at all, you are my world.
Eight years of friendship, passion, and love.
There's no way there's anyone else, I just miss you so much.
There's nothing to worry about there's just no way am I seeing him.
Sorry, I must train my foolish mind.
My age and mind should know better now, I have to control it, I will fight it. 18.12. 2017

So I need to leave you alone.

Yes I need to leave you alone, please don't be mad at me, I'm just a silly old fool you see.
Yes I know you don't need to tell me, you don't feel the same way, just take no notice of me. 18.12.2017.

What happened to you?

What happened to you?
If only you could tell me.
All the time you have gone, I've done nothing but ask myself questions that I can't answer.
Yes' I know you wouldn't have me back but I wouldn't have you back either but I wish you were living.
It's never been the same without your big smiling face and your crazy sense of humor.
Who would have thought we would lose you so soon?
Nothing seems to make sense even after seven years of you leaving this earth.
This isn't right.
I know you never got over the love of your life, which I know wasn't me.
Words could not explain how I feel about and my emotions are very mixed.
I never knew your thoughts about me, it just seemed as if you never felt the same as I did.
Okay, we tried and it didn't work but we were still very good friends to the very end. 18. 12. 2017



So I'm tired.

So I'm tired the night ends now.
What you may think is wrong so do I, don't worry I'm not waiting for you.
I'm just writing poetry so I can learn to live with my feelings and thoughts.
I need to see the light through this foolish mind of mine.
Just go ahead because I'm off to bed to face whatever happens next when I wake up.
This is not poetry, not words, not talent, just my way of living with what goes through my mind and my head.
If only I could see what's ahead of me.
I'm closing 2017 on twenty years of poetry about love, passion, romance, emotion and all of many topics; happy, sad, my way of coping the ups as well as downs in life and lives of people I know. 18.12.2017


Just waiting to talk.

Not trying to get with you.
Just want to be your friend.
Not forcing you into to anything you don't want to do.
If you don't want to talk, that's okay I understand.
If you think I don't understand, I accept that even though I know you want to be alone but then you don't.
Don't be afraid to talk to me if you want, sorry if I made you feel uncomfortable, just concerned about you that's all.
It's not a problem if you don't want to reply at all or you want to.
Been there myself and I know more than anything it's not easy.
Nothing seems to make you happy whatever you been down that road more than once and never really understood why I felt like I did.
There was no winning what I did, it just seemed as if every day was the end of me but somehow someway I got through to be still here today. 18.12.2017

It's that time of the year again.

It's that time of the year again coming to an end when you're wondering what's ahead.
Time goes too fast and neither of us is getting any younger.
Soon be January again, then soon will be the winter blues.
Depression is a sign of lowness but somehow we must get through which is easy to say if we have times we feel we can't get through.  18. 12.2017

Too late now. 

You said before that you had long walked out the door.
No' I think you will find that's the other way round because I left you in the end.
I can only say that you play mind games with my head and thank goodness I'm away from that now.
Now I have discovered my life is so better without than I ever thought it would be.
To think there was a time that you were my world and nothing else mattered now I don't want to be anywhere near you and I don't feel a damn thing for you.
Now I give a damn what you think of me now because you know that when I loved so much, you never gave damn what I thought of you.
Never thought I'd stop feeling the way I did because I loved you for so long but when I realized you didn't really love me because you kept changing your mind whether you loved me or not so you didn't love me at all.
Once I stopped loving you that's when you decide loved me after all, I don't need to have someone else in my life to tell you that it's too late for you to even try to love me again whether I'm on my own or not.
Since I have discovered my life without you, I realized how many years of my life I waste been with a man who didn't me at all but really pretended he did.
You once poisoned my brain but now you don't hurt me anymore.
I didn't know what direction to turn.
You just wouldn't understand and believe me I don't want you to because it's too late for that Ant.
With a lot of counseling and writing, a lot of poetry has helped through this damn mess you put me but others may find others ways of trying to move on from people who don't know what they want like you.  13. 12. 2017

What is Dyspraxia?

Dyspraxia is a hard disability and mental problem to explain and understand. Many people have already lived
with Dyspraxia our lives being misunderstood and being told that we are a danger to society. The world understands that the world can know everything right away. No one is blaming anyone but if Dyspraxia was understood many years, we may have had the right support and may not have been classed health hazards and useless people. This disability has caused us to be made to feel guilty for things we can't help and also caused us be hated by the world. We understand it's understandable in one way for the health and safety of others but not the fault on purpose of the people who have the disabilities. The awareness is good but all very well to raise when there's not the money in the world to support it. One thing is raising understanding of Dyspraxia so we can be at least understood for what our disability is about.

Dyspraxia is when people are unaware of the world around them. It's too easy to not look where your going, bang into things and people around you. People with Dyspraxia can find physical and mental skills hard. Dyspraxia is mostly misunderstood has been a danger to society, which you are but with the right support you can get by in life.
 The reason for Dyspraxia being misunderstood is because it's a hidden disability. Yet with Dyspraxia being a lot to do with the body and brain, even though it's hidden because people can walk and talk it's more major than those disabilities who need 24-hour care in everything. The advantage is that people with Dyspraxia have the ability though to ask for help if we need it. There's just a wide circle of skills we find hard. The cause of being misunderstood is the fact we can walk and talk so people think we can manage our lives the same as them. Dyspraxia is a Motor skill and coordination disability but it is also can be a reading and writing disability not much different to dyslexia.

For eg; a baby may find it hard to roll over, take longer to stand up and balance, walking, climbing, slower to talk and be understood.

Exercise may be harder to access, some people may only manage swimming, exercise or and even horse riding. Some people may not manage to ride a real bike. Some people may find it hard to hop, jump, run fast and even skip. Some people may find it hard to throw and catch a ball. Some people may find it hard to stand for a long time.

 Children may be slower to walk up and down stairs safety without support. There are some stairs even adults and teenagers may not be able to manage without support. Some stairs can be harder for some people to manage than others. Some people find it hard to dress, tie shoelaces and etc.

 For most of us, it can affect our lives with not being able to drive a car and not being able to have children because of carrying and lifting. As time goes on support get's better in some ways but not in others. On the other hands with the cuts, the government is making it's hard to say what the future is.

Other examples

• Doing jigsaws
• Gripping pencils
• Playing games
• Mixing with people
• communicating 
• Reading
• Writing
• Emotional problems
• Poor short-term memory
• Using a knife and fork
• Carrying hot drinks in the left hand or and you may be only able to carry one hot drink at a time.
• Personnel care for eg; cleaning teeth, washing hair, shaving, cutting toenails and etc.
• Emptying the hoover and putting it back together again.
• Finding it hard to understand people and make friends.
• Poor vision
• Sensitive to light
• Sensitive to nose
• Sensitive to touch
• Sensitive to taste
• Lack of awareness of the body positive, space and spatial relationships.
• Hard to take in information.
• Hard to keep tidy.
• Cooking for eg; carrying heavy joints out of the oven, chopping up and straining veg.

• Hard to learn sounds, movements, and proofreading.
• Hard to concentrate on too many things at once.
• Slow to do a job and finish it.
• Daydream be in a world of our own.
• Find hard to listen to people in groups and take in what they say.
• Finding hard to understand people and be understood by them. 
•  Change can take a while to get used to whether it's good or bad.
• Good and bad days for eg; something we managed great yesterday we are coping really bad today.
• Some skills we just never manage but others we manage for life.
• We may get frustrated and angry easy.
• We just might give up if people give up on us too easy.
• We may be stressed and anxious easy.
• We may feel low in our self-esteem. 
• We may get upset easy.

Other awarenesses of the disability.
Some people with Dyspraxia have flat feet but I also have wide feet. I have really bad problems getting shoes to fit me. Some people even find it hard to type and grip the mouse on a computer. My problem can be I type so fast I don't notice my spelling mistakes and the words I have missed out of sentences. Some people find it hard to plan things. Some of us have poor relocating cannot look quickly and effectively from one object to other, looking from the television to magazine.

Although there seems to be a lot of things that we find hard, there are some things that get better through our lives. I still remember as a child finding it hard for a lot of years cutting meat up with a knife and fork. In some cases, if someone is on some medications the side effects can make life even harder for them. If you have a lot of problems with hands, some medications can make then worse, which make some people shake.  Not everyone finds the same things hard and not everyone finds the same things easy. I even find with some things I just have good days and bad. Strangely in some things, there are some weaknesses that can turn into confidences because with this being a lifetime disability you become used to what you can and can't cope. The fact that we are keen, willing people because we find so many things hard we don't give up until we achieve what we want to. Sometimes though society gives up on us. To start with it may seem hard to believe that there are positives in Dyspraxia but it takes a long time to believe in that, your disability and most of all yourself. You can find so many things hard yet it's to believe the bad as well as the good because you don't appear to strangers to have disabilities.

Our lives aren't all black and white there are positives about us yet some are the things we do find hard.

• Some things that we may see different to other people can be right.
• We find it easy to get along with people if they understand us and we understand them.
• People need to give themselves time and us time to get to know one another.
• We can be carrying people who need support as much or if not more than us.
• We have powerful and creative imagination in our daydreams.
• We are very keen learners despite finding learning hard, nothing stops us.
• We have good long-term memories.
• We can create for eg; creative writing art painting and drawing. 

The causes of Dyspraxia.

As far as I know, Dyspraxia is caused by lack of orgxen to the brain at birth or when a baby is born too early. I think this can be linked to epilepsy or and a stroke. I think are many other causes of Dyspraxia.

Different forms of Dyspraxia.

It sounds as if the world has a lot to learn about Dyspraxia, which is hardly surprising as it's a hard disability to understand and explain. Just because I am Dyspraxia, doesn't mean I know everything about it. In my respects, the world knows more than me. What I do know is how it has affected my life. I am glad to say now it has opened up now. There may have been thousands of children in my school, I would have been aware but I doubt it. I know what it's like to feel so alone even though you are more than likely not. Bullying never seems to stop because you look and or seem different to other children. Even by adults your so misunderstood because quite rightly even adult expects to see a normal child, whatever normal is at the end of the day. Putting yourself in the shoes of parents, life can be a jigsaw puzzle for them when their child is slow at learning or and they know what their disabilities and health problems are.

Movements are to do with Motor skills, Co-ordination and balance. For eg; opening a tin with a can opener.
Language is speech how we sound, make ourselves understood and misunderstood mostly the cases are.
Perception is Understanding and or misunderstanding others, messages, the world around us and etc.
It's more likely possible to have all of those forms of Dyspraxia as I have found all those things hard through my life. Having said that when you have a good many other disabilities it can be hard to say what causes what. For eg; I could either Asperger Syndrome or and ADHD, Dyslexia, Epilepsy as well as Dyspraxia. could have one form of Dyspraxia, two or all three. I know what I read about Dyspraxia sounds like me.

Sometimes when I am speaking I find it hard to swallow when I speak therefore no understands me. I have always had problems with my tongue, teeth, and lips which goes very dry as skin becomes loose. Even though I feed myself, I'm still very messy eater. As a very small child I found very hard grip a knife and fork I think food used to go everywhere other than my mouth over the floor everywhere, although I don't see how I've always loved my food too much and ate too much.

Some words I may say may not come out correct but may not be far off, otherwise, I'm well misunderstood. Sometimes I may talk too quiet in case I don't sound like how I want to sound like. Yet when I am sure of myself it works opposite I can be too loud.  

Some famous people with Dyspraxia.

Daniel Radcliffe who plays Harry Potter, David Bailey who takes pictures, Florence Welch, Hannah McDonnell actor, Helen Burns character out of Jane Eyre, Samuel Taylor Coleridge poet, CK Chester, Ern est Hemingway, Jack Kerouac, and George Orwell writer.

Introduction of blog to book.

Really I started writing my life story back in 1993 but I was only aware of it as a life story and I was only twenty - three years of age at the time. Really now I see as a mistake I started it then because I hardly saw life at that time but it was my way then of letting out how I felt inside, which is naturally different now, so much has happened and changed.

Little did I realized at the started writing this story when I was unaware of computer etc that this book wasn't only good to be a life story but education for others around me of people such as People with disabilities etc, parents, families, carers, Social workers, Support workers, professions etc at all levels.

What I hope to achieve is a better understanding and awareness of disabilities etc, if not this generation but future generations or both in the case may be. We must bear in mind what I was born in 1969, I have through the 70s to 2010s so far and seen so many changes etc. However' times before time where different I would think to all the time I have been alive so I hope people with learning from the past to improve the future not that I'm all is negative. Also, some of us have been through worse than others.

This story starts off with the disabilities, health problems, mental health, long - condition etc I was born with, so little was known and handy any support other than my Mother was only seventeen when she had me. There was the only family support.

When I was twenty - three I had cancer of the throat, while I was recovering I watched Trever Macdonald on the ten o clock new one night at my Grandmother's house. There was a news clip about the Elderly and Disabled peoples' homes closing down. I was messing about around writing with paper and pens wanting to write something down. I thought about Charles Dickens and what he wrote about with orphans, the homeless etc. I never got round to it but I wanted to write and raise money for animals and human beings in need, what I watched on the news made me want to look out for others worse off than me.

DYSPRAXIA NEEDS TO BE TAKEN SERIOUSLY.

My name is Sara Jane Gorman, I used to work for a Public Advocacy service called Our Shout Wolverhampton supported by Royal Wolverhampton Mencap. Now I work for the University Of Wolverhampton as a Vist Lecture educating and training Student Learning Disability nurses around Learning Disability and Mental Health. For a very short time, I shared a very small business well Enterprise with someone with learning disability from Mencap, we were called Access All Areas Now and we were Learning Disability Awareness trainers.

I was born in 1969, with lack of oxygen to the brain, therefore, I was a child of the 70s, a teenager of the 80s and very young adult of the 90s. Very little was known so there was very little support or none at all. Therefore there was no diagnose to what my problems were and to be for the rest of my life but as years went on there started to be plenty of research. Both I and my family knew the difficulties I faced. My family mainly watched films, read books etc to find certain difficulties I faced were named but not 100 percent sure, which is why whatever you face it's important but not always possible to get a diagnosed as early in life as possible. As I have said in so many words I have never been diagnosed because my problems were unknown in the early stages of my life which makes me want the opposite for others today and in the future.

These problems I face Autism, Dyspraxia, Dyslexia, ADHD, Anxiety, Depression, and Epilepsy.

For the last six years, I have been working for the University Of Wolverhampton, it's been a great experience still teaching and training the Student Learning Disability nurses around learning disability and mental health.

Dyspraxia needs to be taken more seriously, it's not an illness or diseases, it's long-term condition and learning difficulty that can affect people physically and mentally and it's very hidden because people can walk and talk. Dyspraxia from my experience slows you down with everything but it doesn't stop your life altogether. I have some things I can achieve and another thing I can't but some difficulties I have overcome regardless of have none or very little support.

However' it's important to expect anything from anybody, I can only speak from my own experience, it could well vary from person to person, not be the case for every facing the condition facing the same or all the same problems.

I feel it's important that people with the condition get a lot of support but due to funding and that it's not always possible. However' some may need more support than others.

My reasons are because Dyspraxia has been a huge effect on my physically more so than mentally, such as trying to do up shoelaces, zips, buttons etc. It's affected me from having children, which was very furstraighting when I was in my mid-teens to twenties etc. Babies do riggle and not excepted to wait until for example; you have put their right feet in the feet of their baby grow lol, which seems rather funny when writing but physically and mentally has caused me a lot of Anxiety and fustigation. 

The closing of 2017, twenty year of poetry.

Can't bring myself to say.

I can't bring myself to say, I shouldn't say, I should get over it, its' so wrong.
I feel so much guilt and so much shame.
I'm a numbers year old than you so I should be a number years wiser.
I know and accept that you don't feel the same way.
I shouldn't feel like this, I don't know you in person and we live so far away.
I just don't know why I feel this way.
You don't have to be so easy going about this.
If I write I may learn to live with this feeling inside of me.
This is not good, I can't risk losing such a great friendship.
I can't bring myself to say, hello I love you but then I shouldn't feel or say that.
This isn't real, it's just a story in my mind, it's all fiction but no dream. 9.12.2017

I thought I failed you but you failed me. 

Why didn't I walk away from you sooner?
I shouldn't have had you back.
How foolish I was to think you would change.
I had no reason to stay with you other than how I felt about, which is now nothing at all.
Don't know what got over me, I must have been out my mind.
I stopped loving you eight years ago after thirteen and a half years.
Back 2003, I felt in love someone else as well as you but I made myself get over it why didn't you?
You just went off with her but that's okay I would care now what you do, anyone is welcome to you.
I wish I would have got over you sooner not later.
No way am I getting myself down to your level. 9.10.2017

I never saw the light.

No one seemed to agree with my thoughts and as years went on, I saw the light that I was wrong and they were right.
For twelve months my head was just in the sand back between my hands in 1996 to 1997.
All I saw was a dark tunnel each hour, minute, second of every day.
No light never seemed to come my way.
Loneliness was just a cloud as couples walked passed, therefore I thought this wouldn't happen to me again.
That's how I thought my life was going to be.
Found for me to make one hard choice to love or loneliness but then I found it hard to get too close again.
I lost all trust in everyone but felt so bad for feeling this way.
I spent a lot of time worrying that I would meet the wrong person and get myself hurt again.
As right or wrong people may be, it's best to let people in these states of minds be themselves, in their own time some may see the light.
If you ask me what I think I will tell you but I will never tell you what and what not to do.
I will be there for you and I will never judge you, I know what this feels like, I have been there myself.
How can I love without been blind I used to ask myself?
I went through this fear for such a long time.
I had no trust in anyone at all yet I felt so bad about.
Therefore I left people to carry on talking and telling their thoughts, which I was blind to.
I used to think I may as well live my life in sin because I feared of getting hurt again.
Now I wouldn't say I'm one hundred percent me again but I'm ten times better than I was then.
Oh yes back then I wouldn't think I would be where I am today, which is why I would never say to anyone you will get there, I listen, understand and let them make their own choices. 11.12.2017

Late night snow. 
Only time will tell when the snow goes.
As the snow turns to water from the rain, then ice so we must think twice as the cold goes into the freezing light.
Open the curtains and blind; turn on the lights through the dark dull grey days as the dark evenings start to get close.
The morning comes to light with the sun shining down on melting the ice, though the flight over the overnight frozen ice that might bite. 9.12.2017

It seems so far away or not at all.

Never judge what it's like for people because you just don't know.
Nothing is the same for everyone.
I felt darkness that I thought was going to last forever more.
I was amazed I moved forward at all, then I saw the light coming from the dark and I just didn't feel the same for him at all like I used. 11.12.2017



You don't beat me.

Sticks and stones could throw me, say nasty words to me but no more could you ever break my bones.
Nothing you say and do anymore will never ever hurt me or kill me.
Don't try to creep with your words you will never again thrill me.
I feel nothing for you now, nothing at all.
Now you have left my mind.
Thank goodness I won't hear you or see you anymore, I don't miss you at all anymore. 12.12.2017

Anxiety going through my mind.

I lay asleep then woke up to see deep snow.
The clouds were grey with a windy wintery cold breeze of fresh.
The trees drifted into the breeze.
Although the doors were locked wind blew snow right into the countryside.
The winds blew high right across the sky.
The moon shone brightly with shining stars into the morning light.
Therefore I blew like a kite going through the light with such a fight.
There came the thundering and lighting with a fright.
There was darkness then came into the light.
It was such a very wild site into the night. 17. 12.2017

Me as I was, me as I am now. 

I was just a child with thick long brushy hair that blew with the wind.
Now my hair is as grey as hills.
Now tiredness is hitting me with the cold and the wind.
At the age of ten, I spaned my ankle running up the hill.
Winter days, winter nights and frost bites.
The skies are wintery, sients and grey as there are handy any people about because it's just too cold to go out, everywhere just comes to a standstill.
Short grey days turn to long dark of the night as the moon and stars don't shine a bright light. 17.12.2017


Just the way it is. 

Yes to my shame I feel as I do about you, never mind, I will cope to see it through.
I don't mean this in a nasty way, only that it's not fair on you that I feel this way.
I'm not forcing you to do what you don't want to, I know that you don't want me too.
Yes, I know it's wrong, mainly more so as we live so far away from one another, I shouldn't expect you to feel the same, it's my problem, not yours.
Just take no notice of me, nothing wrong with you, I'm just foolish you see, shame on me.
I have only embarrassed myself, I must and will let it pass.
I'm going to fight it, I'm no cheat but I'm just a silly old fool, I have a love that means too much for me to throw away.
I only hope someday you will meet the love that means so much to you, a sorry inconvenience I may have caused you, it's just me and my foolish mind.
Those thoughts have got to pass from me not you.
They will pass soon enough, don't worry. 18.12.2017


Your number one.

You mean too much to me to throw what we have together all away, take no notice of me, it's all passing and you may not believe me but nothing has happened.
He's just a friend, he's not interested and he lives so far away from me.
Shame me, no fault of your or his.
Even though I hardly see you at all, you are my world.
Eight years of friendship, passion, and love.
There's no way there's anyone else, I just miss you so much.
There's nothing to worry about there's just no way am I seeing him.
Sorry, I must train my foolish mind.
My age and mind should know better now, I have to control it, I will fight it. 18.12. 2017

So I need to leave you alone.

Yes I need to leave you alone, please don't be mad at me, I'm just a silly old fool you see.
Yes I know you don't need to tell me, you don't feel the same way, just take no notice of me. 18.12.2017.

What happened to you?

What happened to you?
If only you could tell me.
All the time you have gone, I've done nothing but ask myself questions that I can't answer.
Yes' I know you wouldn't have me back but I wouldn't have you back either but I wish you were living.
It's never been the same without your big smiling face and your crazy sense of humor.
Who would have thought we would lose you so soon?
Nothing seems to make sense even after seven years of you leaving this earth.
This isn't right.
I know you never got over the love of your life, which I know wasn't me.
Words could not explain how I feel about and my emotions are very mixed.
I never knew your thoughts about me, it just seemed as if you never felt the same as I did.
Okay, we tried and it didn't work but we were still very good friends to the very end. 18. 12. 2017



So I'm tired.

So I'm tired the night ends now.
What you may think is wrong so do I, don't worry I'm not waiting for you.
I'm just writing poetry so I can learn to live with my feelings and thoughts.
I need to see the light through this foolish mind of mine.
Just go ahead because I'm off to bed to face whatever happens next when I wake up.
This is not poetry, not words, not talent, just my way of living with what goes through my mind and my head.
If only I could see what's ahead of me.
I'm closing 2017 on twenty years of poetry about love, passion, romance, emotion and all of many topics; happy, sad, my way of coping the ups as well as downs in life and lives of people I know. 18.12.2017

ADMINS WANTS ON, DYSPRAXIA, DISABILITY, ALL PROBLEMS FRIENDSHIP.

Admins wanted on Dyspraxia, Disability, Problems, Friendship.

If you have a fair amount of time on your hands and would like to and can communicate with members with dyspraxia, other disabilities, and other problems who may want to make friends with one another or and have a partner as long as they respect how others feel as well.

However' if you have got any knowledge and experience in the field of dyspraxia, disabilities and other problems, any amount will be most helpful to us, thank you.

 You don't need to have disabilities and other problems yourself and you don't need to have experience in being the lives of disabilities, we can provide training for that if you wish to be working in that field.

It's not a job, business, company or and etc. When it comes to time, mainly the fact it is a facebook group there is no timescale when you are on and off the group feel free to choose your times for that as long as you are on at some point even if it's for a short time. Not necessary on this group but through my groups, I have had some people ask to be Admin then they don't take part in the role and some have even made themselves member or even left without telling us. All we expect is for you to let us know when you are going to be on and off the group. You don't to tell us why or how long just as long as you let us know when you are back, mainly if you are off the group a long amount of time and also if you decide to finish as Admin or and if you're leaving facebook please let us know, thank you.

You may have different members asking you to pm but members must ask you first, you are not forced to accept their pm or pm them so if you're not happy with members pming you or a member pming, please ask other Admins on the group who may be okay to do so, if no one is I will.


 We will not accept any abusive or and etc towards our Admins from members or from anyone to anyone so please feel free at any time to remove and block someone from groups you feel upset.

 For members, it's a friendship group for people with dyspraxia, disabilities and or other problems, where people with dyspraxia disabilities and others problems hopefully can make friends and or even have a partner if they wish to as long as those who they respect one another. For example; no member should force another to have a relationship with them if they don't want to. 

They are free to choose to whether to just chat with other members of the group, pm one another or and all make friends or have a partner they please. They don't need to be single to join the group, it's not a dating group, we don't force or match make people together.

This could be your Admin role. 

 We also safety guard meaning if anyone faces problems with anyone they can report it to us, we will block and remove the person from the group and even report them to Facebook, if the member wants that or if we feel there's a need to do so in which case we will tell them why as long as they give us proof, which could be in the group or their pm. If anyone on the team of this group doesn't know how to report to Facebook, I myself manage other groups and I have Admins on those who may be able to do so, if not we may be able to message admins of other groups to report the person for us as long as you can give us as much proof as possible of what has happened.

 They have no need to force someone to get involved with them, which we don't agree with anyway but we can look online if they ask for information or and websites say on friendship or and dating. 

We also can ofter to find websites for trips, days out, holidays, etc but we don't fill their details, if they need support they will have to ask for a face to face support, we cannot put ourselves at risk in case anything happens to their personal information as details and even their money. Also, we look for information and websites if they ask if they feel they need any counseling for such things as mental health issues, emotional support or and etc. Although we don't allow sexual post and etc on the group if they ask for any information or and websites such as sexual health, sexual protection as advice such as a condom for eg that will be okay. If you don't feel safe with any member at any time please feel free to take them from the group, off your profile, block their messages or and etc. 

It would be most helpful to us if you do have access and know how to post videos, pictures or and etc from your IT device, which is an everyday chat for eg; hobbies, interests, arts, crafts, careers ; music, film etc from youtube and all topic as long as it safe and there is nothing nasty about like abuse, swearing or and etc.

What we post is such things as Dyspraxia and Disability awareness video, reports on what people with disabilities and etc face in their lives.

When it comes to time, mainly the fact it is a facebook group there is no timescale when you are on and off the group feel free to choose your times for that as long as you are on at some point even if it's for a short time. Not necessary on this group but through my groups, I have had some people ask to be Admin then they don't take part in the role and some have even made themselves member or even left without telling us. All we expect is for you to let us know when you are going to be on and off the group. You don't to tell us why or how long just as long as you let us know when you are back, mainly if you are off the group a long amount of time and also if you decide to finish as Admin or and you're leaving facebook please let us know, thank you.

Also, we allow you to join the group and even be Admin on 2 profiles but no more because it can get very confusing.

We ofter all different topics on the group but Admins are not excepted to know everything so we work it as what 1 Admin doesn't know, the other 1 does but if no one knows then we search for help else were.

If you are interested in being Admin for us please pm myself Head Admin Sara Jane Gorman or and Head Admin and the creator of the group James Lakeman, we are sorry for if any slow replies as James works but he's mostly on and off in the evenings and I'm on pretty much all day and all evening but if I have to go out, I will reply to you as soon as I can, please be patience with us thank you. 

Admins Are wanted for Dyspraxia In Like Disability.

Admins Are wanted for Dyspraxia In Like Disability.

If you have a fair amount of time on your hands and would like to and can communicate with members with dyspraxia, other disabilities, and other problems and people in their lives such as parents, families, carers, support workers, social workers, professions or and etc; you may want to be Admin for us.

It not a job, business, company or and etc. For members, it's Awareness and Advocacy group, where people with disabilities and others problems hopefully can the support they need and want how others in their lives can learn how to support them.

When it comes to time, mainly the fact it is a facebook group there is no timescale when you are on and off the group feel free to choose your times for that as long as you are on at some point even if it's for a short time. Not necessary on this group but through my groups, I have had some people ask to be Admin then they don't take part in the role and some have even made themselves member or even left without telling us. All we expect is for you to let us know when you are going to be on and off the group. You don't to tell us why or how long just as long as you let us know when you are back, mainly if you are off the group a long amount of time and also if you decide to finish as Admin or and you're leaving facebook please let us know, thank you.

Also, we allow you to join the group and even be Admin on 2 profiles but no more because it can get very confusing.


We ofter all different topics on the group but Admins are not excepted to know everything so we work it as what 1 Admin doesn't know, the other 1 does but if no one knows then we search for help else were.


Topics In This Group
1. Health – Anything to do with the health of people with disabilities and health problems.
2. Housing – Accessible housing for disabled people, disability aids, disabled access and etc in the home.
3. Careers – Education and Employment for Disabled People.
4. Talent – Hobbies, interests, arts, crafts and etc which can either be in the home, socially or and in a career.
5. Social issues – Friendship, dating, going places, counseling, emotional support and etc.
6. Disabled Access – For e.g; wheelchairs, car parks, disabled aids, getting around on transport out and + etc.
7. Public Advocacy – Empowering and supporting people with disabilities and health problems to speak for their rights. For eg; (Person Centred Planning.)
8. Private Advocacy is mostly legal and illegal Advocacy such as hate crime, discriminating, benefit cuts, fit for work, not fit for work and etc.
9. (‘ Learning Disability and Mental Health Awareness’) - people with disabilities and health problems training and educating those people without disabilities and health problems who are interested in working in the field of learning disability and health problems.

You may have different members asking you to pm but members must ask you first, you are not forced to accept their pm so if you're not happy with members pming you or a member pming, please ask other Admins on the group who may be okay to do so, if no one is I will.  If you don't feel safe with any member at any time please feel free to take them from the group, off your profile, block their messages or and etc.

 We will not accept any abusive or and etc towards our Admins from members or from anyone to anyone so please feel free at any time to remove and block someone from groups you feel upset.


 If you feel a need to report someone to facebook and you don't know how please let us know.

 If anyone on the team of this group doesn't know how to report to Facebook, I myself manage other groups and I have Admins on those who may be able to do so, if not we may be able to message admins of other groups to report the person for us as long as you can give us as much proof as possible of what has happened.


However' if you have got any knowledge and experience in the field of dyspraxia, disabilities and other problems, any amount will be most helpful to us, thank you.

 You don't need to have disabilities and other problems yourself and you don't need to have experience in being the lives of disabilities, we can provide training for that if you wish to be working in that field.

It would be most helpful to us if you do have access and know how to post videos, pictures or and etc from your IT device.
What we post is such things as Dyspraxia and Disability awareness video, reports on what people with disabilities and etc face in their lives.
If you are interested in being Admin for us please pm myself Head Admin Sara Jane Gorman or and Head Admin and the creator of the group James Lakeman, we are sorry for if any slow replies as James works but he's mostly on and off in the evenings and I'm on pretty much all day and all evening but if I have to go out, I will reply to you as soon as I can, please be patince with us thank you.