Can't bring myself to say.
I can't bring myself to say, I shouldn't say, I should get over it, its' so wrong.
I feel so much guilt and so much shame.
I'm a numbers year old than you so I should be a number years wiser.
I know and accept that you don't feel the same way.
I shouldn't feel like this, I don't know you in person and we live so far away.
I just don't know why I feel this way.
You don't have to be so easy going about this.
If I write I may learn to live with this feeling inside of me.
This is not good, I can't risk losing such a great friendship.
I can't bring myself to say, hello I love you but then I shouldn't feel or say that.
This isn't real, it's just a story in my mind, it's all fiction but no dream. 9.12.2017
I thought I failed you but you failed me.
Why didn't I walk away from you sooner?
I shouldn't have had you back.
How foolish I was to think you would change.
I had no reason to stay with you other than how I felt about, which is now nothing at all.
Don't know what got over me, I must have been out my mind.
I stopped loving you eight years ago after thirteen and a half years.
Back 2003, I felt in love someone else as well as you but I made myself get over it why didn't you?
You just went off with her but that's okay I would care now what you do, anyone is welcome to you.
I wish I would have got over you sooner not later.
No way am I getting myself down to your level. 9.10.2017
I never saw the light.
No one seemed to agree with my thoughts and as years went on, I saw the light that I was wrong and they were right.
For twelve months my head was just in the sand back between my hands in 1996 to 1997.
All I saw was a dark tunnel each hour, minute, second of every day.
No light never seemed to come my way.
Loneliness was just a cloud as couples walked passed, therefore I thought this wouldn't happen to me again.
That's how I thought my life was going to be.
Found for me to make one hard choice to love or loneliness but then I found it hard to get too close again.
I lost all trust in everyone but felt so bad for feeling this way.
I spent a lot of time worrying that I would meet the wrong person and get myself hurt again.
As right or wrong people may be, it's best to let people in these states of minds be themselves, in their own time some may see the light.
If you ask me what I think I will tell you but I will never tell you what and what not to do.
I will be there for you and I will never judge you, I know what this feels like, I have been there myself.
How can I love without been blind I used to ask myself?
I went through this fear for such a long time.
I had no trust in anyone at all yet I felt so bad about.
Therefore I left people to carry on talking and telling their thoughts, which I was blind to.
I used to think I may as well live my life in sin because I feared of getting hurt again.
Now I wouldn't say I'm one hundred percent me again but I'm ten times better than I was then.
Oh yes back then I wouldn't think I would be where I am today, which is why I would never say to anyone you will get there, I listen, understand and let them make their own choices. 11.12.2017
Late night snow.
Only time will tell when the snow goes.
As the snow turns to water from the rain, then ice so we must think twice as the cold goes into the freezing light.
Open the curtains and blind; turn on the lights through the dark dull grey days as the dark evenings start to get close.
The morning comes to light with the sun shining down on melting the ice, though the flight over the overnight frozen ice that might bite. 9.12.2017
It seems so far away or not at all.
Never judge what it's like for people because you just don't know.
Nothing is the same for everyone.
I felt darkness that I thought was going to last forever more.
I was amazed I moved forward at all, then I saw the light coming from the dark and I just didn't feel the same for him at all like I used. 11.12.2017
You don't beat me.
Sticks and stones could throw me, say nasty words to me but no more could you ever break my bones.
Nothing you say and do anymore will never ever hurt me or kill me.
Don't try to creep with your words you will never again thrill me.
I feel nothing for you now, nothing at all.
Now you have left my mind.
Thank goodness I won't hear you or see you anymore, I don't miss you at all anymore. 12.12.2017
Anxiety going through my mind.
I lay asleep then woke up to see deep snow.
The clouds were grey with a windy wintery cold breeze of fresh.
The trees drifted into the breeze.
Although the doors were locked wind blew snow right into the countryside.
The winds blew high right across the sky.
The moon shone brightly with shining stars into the morning light.
Therefore I blew like a kite going through the light with such a fight.
There came the thundering and lighting with a fright.
There was darkness then came into the light.
It was such a very wild site into the night. 17. 12.2017
Me as I was, me as I am now.
I was just a child with thick long brushy hair that blew with the wind.
Now my hair is as grey as hills.
Now tiredness is hitting me with the cold and the wind.
At the age of ten, I spaned my ankle running up the hill.
Winter days, winter nights and frost bites.
The skies are wintery, sients and grey as there are handy any people about because it's just too cold to go out, everywhere just comes to a standstill.
Short grey days turn to long dark of the night as the moon and stars don't shine a bright light. 17.12.2017
Just the way it is.
Yes to my shame I feel as I do about you, never mind, I will cope to see it through.
I don't mean this in a nasty way, only that it's not fair on you that I feel this way.
I'm not forcing you to do what you don't want to, I know that you don't want me too.
Yes, I know it's wrong, mainly more so as we live so far away from one another, I shouldn't expect you to feel the same, it's my problem, not yours.
Just take no notice of me, nothing wrong with you, I'm just foolish you see, shame on me.
I have only embarrassed myself, I must and will let it pass.
I'm going to fight it, I'm no cheat but I'm just a silly old fool, I have a love that means too much for me to throw away.
I only hope someday you will meet the love that means so much to you, a sorry inconvenience I may have caused you, it's just me and my foolish mind.
Those thoughts have got to pass from me not you.
They will pass soon enough, don't worry. 18.12.2017
Your number one.
You mean too much to me to throw what we have together all away, take no notice of me, it's all passing and you may not believe me but nothing has happened.
He's just a friend, he's not interested and he lives so far away from me.
Shame me, no fault of your or his.
Even though I hardly see you at all, you are my world.
Eight years of friendship, passion, and love.
There's no way there's anyone else, I just miss you so much.
There's nothing to worry about there's just no way am I seeing him.
Sorry, I must train my foolish mind.
My age and mind should know better now, I have to control it, I will fight it. 18.12. 2017
So I need to leave you alone.
Yes I need to leave you alone, please don't be mad at me, I'm just a silly old fool you see.
Yes I know you don't need to tell me, you don't feel the same way, just take no notice of me. 18.12.2017.
What happened to you?
What happened to you?
If only you could tell me.
All the time you have gone, I've done nothing but ask myself questions that I can't answer.
Yes' I know you wouldn't have me back but I wouldn't have you back either but I wish you were living.
It's never been the same without your big smiling face and your crazy sense of humor.
Who would have thought we would lose you so soon?
Nothing seems to make sense even after seven years of you leaving this earth.
This isn't right.
I know you never got over the love of your life, which I know wasn't me.
Words could not explain how I feel about and my emotions are very mixed.
I never knew your thoughts about me, it just seemed as if you never felt the same as I did.
Okay, we tried and it didn't work but we were still very good friends to the very end. 18. 12. 2017
So I'm tired.
So I'm tired the night ends now.
What you may think is wrong so do I, don't worry I'm not waiting for you.
I'm just writing poetry so I can learn to live with my feelings and thoughts.
I need to see the light through this foolish mind of mine.
Just go ahead because I'm off to bed to face whatever happens next when I wake up.
This is not poetry, not words, not talent, just my way of living with what goes through my mind and my head.
If only I could see what's ahead of me.
I'm closing 2017 on twenty years of poetry about love, passion, romance, emotion and all of many topics; happy, sad, my way of coping the ups as well as downs in life and lives of people I know. 18.12.2017
I can't bring myself to say, I shouldn't say, I should get over it, its' so wrong.
I feel so much guilt and so much shame.
I'm a numbers year old than you so I should be a number years wiser.
I know and accept that you don't feel the same way.
I shouldn't feel like this, I don't know you in person and we live so far away.
I just don't know why I feel this way.
You don't have to be so easy going about this.
If I write I may learn to live with this feeling inside of me.
This is not good, I can't risk losing such a great friendship.
I can't bring myself to say, hello I love you but then I shouldn't feel or say that.
This isn't real, it's just a story in my mind, it's all fiction but no dream. 9.12.2017
I thought I failed you but you failed me.
Why didn't I walk away from you sooner?
I shouldn't have had you back.
How foolish I was to think you would change.
I had no reason to stay with you other than how I felt about, which is now nothing at all.
Don't know what got over me, I must have been out my mind.
I stopped loving you eight years ago after thirteen and a half years.
Back 2003, I felt in love someone else as well as you but I made myself get over it why didn't you?
You just went off with her but that's okay I would care now what you do, anyone is welcome to you.
I wish I would have got over you sooner not later.
No way am I getting myself down to your level. 9.10.2017
I never saw the light.
No one seemed to agree with my thoughts and as years went on, I saw the light that I was wrong and they were right.
For twelve months my head was just in the sand back between my hands in 1996 to 1997.
All I saw was a dark tunnel each hour, minute, second of every day.
No light never seemed to come my way.
Loneliness was just a cloud as couples walked passed, therefore I thought this wouldn't happen to me again.
That's how I thought my life was going to be.
Found for me to make one hard choice to love or loneliness but then I found it hard to get too close again.
I lost all trust in everyone but felt so bad for feeling this way.
I spent a lot of time worrying that I would meet the wrong person and get myself hurt again.
As right or wrong people may be, it's best to let people in these states of minds be themselves, in their own time some may see the light.
If you ask me what I think I will tell you but I will never tell you what and what not to do.
I will be there for you and I will never judge you, I know what this feels like, I have been there myself.
How can I love without been blind I used to ask myself?
I went through this fear for such a long time.
I had no trust in anyone at all yet I felt so bad about.
Therefore I left people to carry on talking and telling their thoughts, which I was blind to.
I used to think I may as well live my life in sin because I feared of getting hurt again.
Now I wouldn't say I'm one hundred percent me again but I'm ten times better than I was then.
Oh yes back then I wouldn't think I would be where I am today, which is why I would never say to anyone you will get there, I listen, understand and let them make their own choices. 11.12.2017
Late night snow.
Only time will tell when the snow goes.
As the snow turns to water from the rain, then ice so we must think twice as the cold goes into the freezing light.
Open the curtains and blind; turn on the lights through the dark dull grey days as the dark evenings start to get close.
The morning comes to light with the sun shining down on melting the ice, though the flight over the overnight frozen ice that might bite. 9.12.2017
It seems so far away or not at all.
Never judge what it's like for people because you just don't know.
Nothing is the same for everyone.
I felt darkness that I thought was going to last forever more.
I was amazed I moved forward at all, then I saw the light coming from the dark and I just didn't feel the same for him at all like I used. 11.12.2017
You don't beat me.
Sticks and stones could throw me, say nasty words to me but no more could you ever break my bones.
Nothing you say and do anymore will never ever hurt me or kill me.
Don't try to creep with your words you will never again thrill me.
I feel nothing for you now, nothing at all.
Now you have left my mind.
Thank goodness I won't hear you or see you anymore, I don't miss you at all anymore. 12.12.2017
Anxiety going through my mind.
I lay asleep then woke up to see deep snow.
The clouds were grey with a windy wintery cold breeze of fresh.
The trees drifted into the breeze.
Although the doors were locked wind blew snow right into the countryside.
The winds blew high right across the sky.
The moon shone brightly with shining stars into the morning light.
Therefore I blew like a kite going through the light with such a fight.
There came the thundering and lighting with a fright.
There was darkness then came into the light.
It was such a very wild site into the night. 17. 12.2017
Me as I was, me as I am now.
I was just a child with thick long brushy hair that blew with the wind.
Now my hair is as grey as hills.
Now tiredness is hitting me with the cold and the wind.
At the age of ten, I spaned my ankle running up the hill.
Winter days, winter nights and frost bites.
The skies are wintery, sients and grey as there are handy any people about because it's just too cold to go out, everywhere just comes to a standstill.
Short grey days turn to long dark of the night as the moon and stars don't shine a bright light. 17.12.2017
Just the way it is.
Yes to my shame I feel as I do about you, never mind, I will cope to see it through.
I don't mean this in a nasty way, only that it's not fair on you that I feel this way.
I'm not forcing you to do what you don't want to, I know that you don't want me too.
Yes, I know it's wrong, mainly more so as we live so far away from one another, I shouldn't expect you to feel the same, it's my problem, not yours.
Just take no notice of me, nothing wrong with you, I'm just foolish you see, shame on me.
I have only embarrassed myself, I must and will let it pass.
I'm going to fight it, I'm no cheat but I'm just a silly old fool, I have a love that means too much for me to throw away.
I only hope someday you will meet the love that means so much to you, a sorry inconvenience I may have caused you, it's just me and my foolish mind.
Those thoughts have got to pass from me not you.
They will pass soon enough, don't worry. 18.12.2017
Your number one.
You mean too much to me to throw what we have together all away, take no notice of me, it's all passing and you may not believe me but nothing has happened.
He's just a friend, he's not interested and he lives so far away from me.
Shame me, no fault of your or his.
Even though I hardly see you at all, you are my world.
Eight years of friendship, passion, and love.
There's no way there's anyone else, I just miss you so much.
There's nothing to worry about there's just no way am I seeing him.
Sorry, I must train my foolish mind.
My age and mind should know better now, I have to control it, I will fight it. 18.12. 2017
So I need to leave you alone.
Yes I need to leave you alone, please don't be mad at me, I'm just a silly old fool you see.
Yes I know you don't need to tell me, you don't feel the same way, just take no notice of me. 18.12.2017.
What happened to you?
What happened to you?
If only you could tell me.
All the time you have gone, I've done nothing but ask myself questions that I can't answer.
Yes' I know you wouldn't have me back but I wouldn't have you back either but I wish you were living.
It's never been the same without your big smiling face and your crazy sense of humor.
Who would have thought we would lose you so soon?
Nothing seems to make sense even after seven years of you leaving this earth.
This isn't right.
I know you never got over the love of your life, which I know wasn't me.
Words could not explain how I feel about and my emotions are very mixed.
I never knew your thoughts about me, it just seemed as if you never felt the same as I did.
Okay, we tried and it didn't work but we were still very good friends to the very end. 18. 12. 2017
So I'm tired.
So I'm tired the night ends now.
What you may think is wrong so do I, don't worry I'm not waiting for you.
I'm just writing poetry so I can learn to live with my feelings and thoughts.
I need to see the light through this foolish mind of mine.
Just go ahead because I'm off to bed to face whatever happens next when I wake up.
This is not poetry, not words, not talent, just my way of living with what goes through my mind and my head.
If only I could see what's ahead of me.
I'm closing 2017 on twenty years of poetry about love, passion, romance, emotion and all of many topics; happy, sad, my way of coping the ups as well as downs in life and lives of people I know. 18.12.2017
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