Good Coaching Questions vs Poor Coaching Questions

 

1. Understanding feelings and thoughts

Helpful coaching question	Why it helps
How do you feel about that?	Allows the coachee to express feelings.
What are your thoughts on this situation?	Encourages reflection and personal opinions.
Can you tell me more about that?	Shows interest and invites further explanation.

Compare this with:

• "Don't you think you should try this approach?"

• "Wouldn't it be better if you did this?"

These questions can lead someone towards the coach's preferred answer.

A better approach is to ask:

"What different approaches have you considered?"

This allows the coachee to explore their own ideas.

2. Understanding goals and progress

Your example:

Helpful: "What are your goals for this coaching session?"

This allows the coachee to identify what they want to achieve.

Less helpful: "Did you try this?"

This is not necessarily a bad question in every situation. However, depending on the tone, it can sound as though the coach is checking up on someone or criticising them.

A more supportive alternative might be:

"What have you had an opportunity to try since our last session?"

This invites discussion without immediately suggesting failure.

3. Asking about difficulties

Your examples are particularly interesting here.

Less helpful wording	More helpful alternative
Why did you do that?	What influenced your decision?
Do you feel stressed?	How are you feeling about the situation?
Why are you so challenged?	What difficulties are you experiencing?
Why are you confused?	Which parts would you like me to explain further?

Why does this matter?

The word why is not automatically wrong.

However, some questions beginning with "why" can sound accusatory.

For example:

"Why did you do that?"

Depending on the circumstances, someone might interpret this as criticism.

"What influenced your decision?" sounds more open and encourages explanation.

4. Reflecting and checking understanding

Two of your examples demonstrate important coaching skills.

Reflective listening:

"It sounds like you're feeling frustrated."

This acknowledges what the coach thinks the coachee may be experiencing.

However, the coach should check rather than assume:

"It sounds like you're feeling frustrated. Have I understood that correctly?"

Summarising:

"So, what you're saying is…"

This allows the coach to summarise what they have heard.

The coachee can then correct or clarify anything the coach has misunderstood.

Compare this with:

"I know what you're trying to say."

The problem is that the coach is claiming to know what someone means without checking.

A better approach is:

"Let me check that I've understood what you mean."

5. An important connection with disability awareness

This is particularly relevant when communicating with disabled people and people with mental health conditions.

Some people may:

• Need additional time to process questions.

• Find complicated language difficult.

• Have difficulty explaining their feelings.

• Prefer questions to be broken into smaller parts.

• Need questions repeated or rephrased.

• Communicate differently from the coach.

A good coach should not mistake a communication difficulty for a lack of understanding, interest or ability.

For example:

A coachee takes several seconds to answer a question.

A poor response would be to interrupt and answer for them.

A more supportive response would be to allow time and perhaps ask:

"Would you like a little more time to think about that?"

Silence is not necessarily a problem. Sometimes people need time to think.

6. Practical exercise: Improving coaching questions

Here are five questions that you could practise rewording.

Rewrite each question in a more supportive way.

1. Why haven't you achieved your goal?

Think about obstacles and progress.

2. Don't you think you need more confidence?

Explore what confidence means to the person.

3. Why can't you manage this yourself?

Avoid blame and explore support needs.

4. You should try harder, shouldn't you?

Encourage reflection without judgement.

5. Are you sure that's what you want?

Explore the person's reasons and choices without undermining them.

Review my answers

7. Three knowledge-check questions

1. Why can leading questions be unhelpful in coaching?

2. What should a coach do if they are unsure what a coachee means?

3. Why is allowing processing time important?

8. Suggested answers

1. They can influence the coachee towards the coach's preferred answer rather than encouraging independent thinking.

2. Ask the coachee to explain further or check the coach's understanding.

3. It gives the person an opportunity to understand the question, organise their thoughts and respond in their own time.

9. My additional point: Good questions are not about finding fault

I would add this principle to your study notes:

A coaching question should help someone explore, understand and make decisions. It should not make them feel blamed, judged, embarrassed or pressured.

This is also relevant to your book, Always Learn About Disability + Never Judge Disability.

For example, rather than asking:

"Why can't you do that?"

A more constructive question might be:

"What makes that difficult, and what might help?"

That small change moves the conversation away from judging the person and towards understanding barriers and identifying possible support.

Remember: Good coaching is not about having all the answers. It is about asking questions that help the coachee discover their own answers.