MORE ABOUT BULLYING

A lot of people say that there only seems to be non - disabled people bullying people with learning disabilities. In my experience that's not true. I had only been to to one main stream school and three special schools. I have found that you can be bullied whether you have a disability or not by either people with or without disabilities. I guess when you are a child, you don't understand right from wrong, it's hard to understand how others feel. For eg; people with disabilities should understand one an other's disability not pick on each other's disability, we must be aware of that. There needs to be more education to not to bully. The most common bullying is over race, beliefs disbelief's and choice. I think we all need to educate one another to understand and accepts one another. We are all human beings and we all have our own kind of feelings, why can't we respect that? Yes, when you have a disability, people should be educated to understand you in the easiest way as possible.
BULLYING DOESN'T JUST HAPPEN AT SCHOOL.
Whether you have a disability or not I would be interested to know whether or not you or people you know or knew people who were bullied people with and without a disability.
People used say school days are the best days of your life not in the case of being bullied.
A lot of people think that bullying just happens in school. People used to tell me that these people will change when they grow up. I have only seen one person who bullied me in school, I know she hasn't changed. Having said that with some people it's very hard to tell.
Bullying can happen in the workplace, college, streets, pubs ; any time, anyplace and anywhere. Years ago I think we were only knew about bullying schools by children but not by adults.
If you have a story about been bullied anywhere else years ago, that is another story I'd be interested to know about. So that you know that you aren't forced to send on your stories because I understand why you don't want to tell me or anyone else but I also understand why people may want to share them. You may well be an open person who wants to get things off your chest or you'd rather keep things private. Which ever I respect your wishes, I will keep things confidential, unless you say otherwise. That's my way of think, respecting people's wishes is apart of my job anyway.

WHY DO PEOPLE BULLY PEOPLE?
Some people may bully because they get bullied themselves, others have problems that make them angry enough to bullying and others are jealous of you. In some people's cases it could be all kinds of reasons, over nothing, someone just wants to be nasty and with other people it's just excuses to have it in for people.

OTHER IDEAS TO STOP BULLYING.

I have asked Men Cap if I can educate non - disabled people about disabilities and bullying. I have spoke to MenCap about doing education talks for people all ages whether they have disabilities or not. I'd like to give these talks to all places like schools, colleges and work placements. Mencap thinks it's a great idea when we have time to do these jobs because there are so many other jobs to do.

Like I said in my last report, I had been to one main stream and three special, I have experienced a lot bullying so that's what makes me want to talk mainstream and all special schools.
May be even people with disabilities need educating too, you'd think we'd understand because we have our own disabilities. We were never educated to understand one another, we had to learn ourselves. Let's teach young people what we had to learn by making our own mistakes. No one told us whether thing were right or wrong , we had find ourselves by where it was getting in life. Bullying doesn't get you anywhere neither does jealousy.

MenCap are grateful and agree to my help. If you have any comments or and ideas, please drop me an email sarajgorman@googlemail.com or sarajgorman@gmail.com. You could even look for email address on the Mencap website if you like. For children the Mencap Stop Bullying website is http://www.dontsickit.org.uk/ If that isn't any help to you, just tap in something like Stop Bully support, could support with disabilities all ages. As you may have worked out the Mencap website is linked on to my website. We are also here to support you and we will be most thankful if you can support us.

WHAT MAY NOT HELP YOUR AWARENESS

people autism who are on certain tablets for example, very strong tablets can cause very dangerous side -affects. Saying that these affects can happen to you even if you don't have autism. Doctors should put you on the tablets that are right for you.

You could find that these tablets affect your ability,which could be a scary and dangerous experience for you like it was for me. From walking the street around hours on end, you lose your sense of direction and suroundings . I have been close to have been getting run over by a car because of the tablets making me unaware. Sometimes we don't realise what a big wide world it is, it can be dangerous if that. It's as if you are always in a black out all the while. To society you as if you are going round the bend, which are when walking round for hours not understanding where you going, what you are doing, not knowing whether you are going the right or wrong way. These things can happen to you unintentionally, a lot of people don't understand that. It's as if you plan your life to be this way but you don't. People who don't know and understand people with disabilities, tend to give us a hard time. May because we don't look the same as them and we do and don;t do things that they haven't experienced. If you come across people experiencing what I have experienced, don't give them a hard time, support them. If they look lost, confused, upset or and they look as if they are in danger, if you have time on your hands take them where they need to go or find someone who can help them.

Once someone tells you about something you have been doing or not doing that your not aware of when you come round and someone tells you what's happened, it's very upsetting because that isn't the real you. May be it affects you when you don't have your tablets. Everyone is difference, good job we are otherwise it would be a boring world.

I found the tablets I was taking in those day made me feel sleepily in the day and hyperactive at night, I guess these were a few of the side -affects from the old tablets. It's as if you have had a operation and the hospital has let you out right away to find your own way in the world.

The tablets in those days were very powerful and strong, I think I was on the wrong tablets because they were too, my fits have always only been very mild. For eg, Strong tablets are too strong for people who have mild fits, which causes people dangers to themselves and others through no fault of my own. The name of the tablets were called Phenobarbitone. I guess I was taking them three times a day, I think they were about 300mg to 500mg, I may well be wrong.

If you are supporting anyone with these problems, it can be worrying for them and for you. If at all possible may be you could keep a diary on how the tablets are affecting the person's every day life, may be you can support them to see their doctor or and drop me an email if you need someone to talk to. May be I can try to support you on finding some information, websites, emails, advice and etc. May be it might be a case of changing their tablets or like in my case it was talking me off the tablets altogether. Which ever way it is, you may be able to see a difference in the person's awareness and ability. Sarajgorman@googlemail.com or Facebook sarajgorman@gmail.com.

The tablets that I am on now are called Lamotrigine, they are only 100mg which I only take one twice a day. These tablets are very mild, I don't get the same problems as I used to get these day. I learn better and I am now more aware of the world around me than what I used to be.

POSSIBLE SUPPORT

What doesn't help our behavior problems is, lack of sleep, diet and we feel tense.
We need to cut down on may be salt and sugar for sure because most of us with autism suffer from been hyperactive. If only my family knew in my childhood what they know now, may be everyone would have had some sleep. May be not in my case as a child.

What people didn't know during in my childhood over twenty year ago, I needed exercise and I needed something to relax me. If you are like how I used to be or you may know someone who is, may be that's the support what's needed for you or and whoever. May be I can look for websites that try to support Autistic children, teenagers, adults, their families and carers if you want me to. If you are supporting and caring for someone with autism in one way or another, you are welcome to contact myself or and Mencap, we could get you on to other places if you want, if our support isn't good enough. You could be a family member, a carer, even a support worker or a friend to them. Please email me on sarajgorman@googlemail.com or on Facebook sarajgorman@gmail.com. Perhaps I can get you some websites, email addresses and etc if you want my support.

I have heard that there are disability nurses in school but I am glad to say that they were there that in my day, sorry I sound really old. It is true how things have changed so much in last twenty to thirty yrs or so. There are also things that never have changed or and even never will.

My weight and height was always checked. I was always too fat or too thin but never Anorexia or obese, or if you know what I mean. I don't think they never knew what eating disorders
were. Perhaps they had heard of Anorexia but not obese. Nine times out ten we are either underweight or over weight, that's all they knew. I think we knew about Anorexia which is under weight but not Obese which is overweight. I believe now that we do know, everyone should have check ups, mainly people with disabilities. Nine times out of ten people with disabilities have health problems so their weight isn't the only thing to think about.

For eg I was hyperactive as a child, I must admit I was to blame there. I did enjoy my sweets, cakes and etc too much. It's shows that in those days there were very little education given to adults about what's good and bad for children. My family were very good but society didn't really tell them about children who had disabilities at that time. Mind we didn't know a lot about anything in those days.

I'd also be interested to know how adults and teenagers coped with their disabilities yrs ago. Did they have carers because if they did, there weren't a great of support for the carers either? If you find anything out about the lives of people with disabilities in the past, please drop an email on sarajgorman@google.com or Facebook sarajgorman@gmail.com. Thank you very much if you would like to share stories with me. We can share a lot of our own experiences if you are happy to do so. Something you have read, seen or saw may have caugh your eye, which could be something to do with what I write about on this website. If you would like to email me, you can write to me about what you want.

I have told you what happened in my childhood what has changed. What about the things that happened to people with learning disabilities before people like myself now were even born? It can be about children, teenagers and adults in those times over any subject. For eg People with disabilities weren't allowed to live alone, I don't think there were support workers to support them. Sadly a lot of them live in homes, hospitals and etc because not a lot of their families may not be able to cope with them.

With me it could also have been the heavy tablets I was taking at that time. I couldn't pay attention to anyone or anything in the day but as high as a kite keeping everyone awake at night. I was also suffering bad behavior problems, which could have been another thing my tablets could be to blame for. Someone else whose suffering the same thing as me as what I did,their affects could be caused by certain foods for eg. May be some people suffer their affects with out their certain medicines and food. Like I have said it would have been a boring world if we would have suffered all the same things. Having said there are other affects as well as behavior problems, hyperactive, lack of communication and understanding. There other causes of these affects I guess as well as tablets and food. I would be so grateful if someone could send me an email if they found anything, thank you so much. sarajgorman@googlemail.com or Facebook sarajgorman@gmail.com.

What do we learn from experiences from the past for the future?
Find out how medicines and foods can affect difference people's health problems and disabilities? Find out why some people have these affects without their certain medicines and foods?
What should we have known and what do we need know about helping people to look after their health problems and disabilities?
All I can think of now is having learning disability nurses should be not only in school but also in colleges and work placements as well. Mind you I think I have seen disabilities nurses in the colleges though. Please drop me an email if you know any information about that, thank you.

More regular check ups, gentle exercise and diet programs to match with the health problems and disabilities.
We need things that help people learning disabilities to relax to be able to cope with the good and bad times in their lives.

BEING MISUNDERSTOOD AS A HUMAN BEING.

It's hard for people like myself with autism to able to explain and express ourselves, our meanings, our feelings, our thoughts and etc. It's hard for non - disabled people to understand us.

We can suffer from behavior problems mostly during childhood because we feel as if we feel we can't make ourselves understood. I cannot say that we grow out of being misunderstood but the older we get, we get better to what we were. Once have we have achieved more skills, we start to to feel more equal to non - disabled people. This can started to happen from teenage yrs going into adulthood. we start to feel better in ourselves. The behavior problems get less so we get less angry with people around us and ourselves. All through my adulthood I have learned to accept myself as I am.

what I went thought was during school for eg I couldn't tie my shoe laces. The children didn't understand why I couldn't tie my shoe laces nether did I, this was one of the reasons I got bullied. It can get to you, it can make you feel the odd one out to others. When you are a child it's worse time to feel like the odd one out. Life is only just beginning for you, your trying to learn about life in order to get on with it. The fight is that you have Autism getting in your way, once you get used to it and not let Autism come between you, your on your ways being equal to everyone.

There again you become stronger in your own mind as an adult. You get used to people taking the mickey out of your disability when you have been through it so many times but it shouldn't have been that way. That's life that's way it is. Mind you thank god, I haven't had to live with bullying as much through my adulthood, as much as I did through my childhood. Like I said Mencap are worried about people with disabilities all ages getting bullied. People should accept us the way we are or not at all.

When we are children we don't understand that non - disabled people don't understand us, it upsets us and confuses us. We can kick, punch, scream and etc. With the right support and punishment, most of us can get by. We may not like been punished during childhood but we are thankful for it when we become adults. I was taught right from wrong but my family didn't have any support so it got too much for them but somehow, someway they got by. Now the government hasn't made it very easy for parents to punish children so they need twice as much support when they have got children with Autism. I guess when it comes to behavior problems, it's hard for families to know what is part of their Autism or what part is just being naughty. Another reason it's hard in all fairness no believes in beating a child but also not letting them getting away with what they want. Children twice as much hard work, with screaming, bitting and that makes them twice as naughty, even though they are upset because they find hard to do things in the same speed as non - disabled children. It's hard to get that balance, isn't it?

I have to admit I am out of date with how things are for families who have children with Autism today. All years I have been an adult, I have lost track. How do families copy now? May be things have improved, may be they get things things to relax them to calm the behavior problems down . What I experienced was that, I was very tense when I started a Paddie and I think I even had panic attacks when I ended a Paddie. I can never understand now, why we get in such a state so easily if we can't achieve what we want to but I had to learn that I could get my own way. Yet I remember feeling so guilty afterwards. May be also it could be to do with diet, years ago families weren't educated to know about these things. If you have an child or children with Autism. Well admire you if you have children with Autism because one child with Autism is hard work. Please send me an email, I'd be interested to hear your story, how do you cope? Sarajgorman@googlemail.com or on Facebook sarajgorman@gmail.com. I could even get some support off Mencap for you if you want or even may be support else where. It's possible you know some children, teenagers and or adults with Autism who need some support in some way too . Whatever the situation with Autism I'd be happy to hear from you, I'd be happy to support or an even find support for you.


Children aren't punished like they were well over twenty years ago. Now it's twice as hard for parents who have children with autism. It could be pretty much the same for parents with children who have other disabilities or even non - disabled children.

Once I realised it wasn't always possible to achieve the skills I wanted in one day, I found in my own speed I achieved them. In the days I couldn't accepted I had a disabilities, it took me even longer to achieve the skills. The more angry I got with myself the worst it got. In the end I never gave up on myself, I found a way of achieving what I wanted. Like I said thought, if people think we're useless, they haven't got the time of day for us and people who give up on us that will make us twice as angry, it also take a long time to accept.If not days or month, it could be years.

Saying that like I said, we don't give up, we will always find a way of been taught the skills that are possible for us to learn. If you give up on us, you could make it twice as hard work on a people who teach us in future. They could be people who won't and don't want to give up on people with disabilites. Like I say it could take a lot out of that people with disabilites to trust people who really will teach them. I guess a good many people who have tried to teach me and given up on me have made it twice as hard work for people who wanted to teach me.


Another reason for most of us with Autism to have behavior problems can't always do most things for things for themselves, it can make us feel guilty and silly in font of people. Either the non - disabled people haven't got very long to show the us with autism the skill they need or and want to learn. Some people may not be the people to support people with disabilities, if that's the case be truthful with us. Don't help us if you don't want to help us. If we are not happy, we can sense people who do and do not want help us. I If feel as if somebody doesn't want to help me that can be one of my reasons why I may not feel good about myself. It's same for others with disabilites We can also feel disliked.

People like ourselves and the people who are supporting us have learned if we have an unsuccessful day one day, tomorrow is another day. I know tomorrow isn't always possible but whatever day for me, as long as I'm free. How other people like myself is them but this is me. I used to get very upset if I didn't achieve the skill in one day but I had to learn that wasn't always the way. If you can encourage a the person with Autism to learn to wait for that next day or whenever, well that's better support than what I used to have. If you find they have had a enough of trying the same thing too for long, they will see enough is enough in their own time. Saying that you will need to be strong enought to tell them enough, we will try again next time whenever that is. I will understand you may well of had enough mainly if you haven't got all day. May be you've shown someone ten times over again. I can see it from both sides of the coin.

Sometimes we may not admit how we really feel because we want to end the day with a smiles on our faces. That's one the reasons why we feel down if we haven't achieved what we want to in that day. Saying that like me today, we accept one day, learning in one day isn't always possible. It's up to you to be able to be strong enough to accept that's way people with autism can be. It's also up to you to help us to accept things too. If your a person who gets upset very easily too that's not been strong that's not being strong for people with Autism. We won't feel very good or strong in ourselves otherwise. Let us know you haven't given up on them but it's been a long day, see you tomorrow or whenever. Try to be as understanding as possible because people like us can feel dislikes if people think we're useless and not worth teaching. We can feel as if we have done something wrong and we can think your not happy with us, it's up to you to tell the person with autism that your not cross with them but well done for trying today because trying is what we have achieved. Most people used to say me.
"Trying is not good enough."

People shouldn't tell them that they aren't good enough because otherwise they won't feel as if they have any strong points at all, that's how sensitive people with autism can be. I know I said it's made me a stronger person but also at the same time it takes while understand that things have moved on to what they were and I have a bit support. For eg, if you have been punished for making mistakes,it's too easy to think that everyone is going to be the same towards. I have got over that a bit I still there's a long way to go. As support gets better I will start to feel more better in myself. In fact I think that is the same for everyone really. It may take them a while to accept that we are not useless if we have been told by too many people that we are useless, I know as I say that's happened to me. We can also prove you wrong if we achieve skills that you don't we'll ever achieve. I want them to be able to trust you. I don't them finding hard to trust people's support during adulthood or even childhood and teenage years. I have learned that it can take years to feel you can trust that someone won't give up on you. If people in past can put the fear of god in you for most of you but in years to come you do move on. You will always have a long way to go thought.

TRYING TO BE AWARE OF AUTISM.

Things may have come a long way to how to they used to be but we have still got a long way to go. We need to keep working on improving understanding Autism, we will never stop.
Most people in this society either except more of you or they think you are not all there at all. It's possible that some people see people who can walk and talk as having a disability. When you have Autism you are just a bit slow that's all. When you have Autism you get misunderstood because you don't learn as quick as non - disabled people. A lot of non - disabled people think you don't know anything at all because it could take you longer to learn things. People with other disabilities can have the same problems in difference ways. Non disabled people need to study more into what to except out of people with disabilities.

we need learn things in our own speed, otherwise there's no chance of us learning at all. Once we get used to doing things for a long time, we will speed up in our own speed. Let's get with it for at the of the day, that's only we will learn. Until one day we could go to sleep doing whatever without you expecting it. We can't always learn quick enough mainly when it comes to learning new skills. For eg I can take ages to open really tight jars because my hands won't let me grip quick enough.

Most people tend to forget that a disability could have happened to them, if that would have been the case, they would have known what it's feels like, you feel as if you have been pushed out of society. Lack of Communication and understanding seems to be a big problem. My question is. Are people with autism lacking communication and understanding or have most non - disabled people have a communication and understanding problem? All we need is time, if we receive time off you, you will receive time off us. Please email your comments to me on sarajgorman@googlemail.com or Facebook sarajgorman@gmail.com .

One thing in life, people with Autism find it hard to live with is change or even change route. I feel ashamed to say that that always has been with me, I guess it always will do. If anyone took me away from a place and surroundings where I was happy, then it would upset me for a long time to come. I remember been very unhappy at Boarding school because not very nice things happened there I never got believed about. Once the weekend came I used to go home. I was happy, I was with the people I knew who were my family. From going home on a Friday night after school, I had to go back to Boarding school on Sunday nights, I used to play up because I felt as if I came out of the light into the dark as if people were strangers to me.

Route and change problems that people with Autism find it very hard to grew out of. As I am getting older, I'm trying very hard to cope with it but it's not very easy. Whether I can work on it or not I don't know will I or is that me for the rest of my life? I would like to support others all ages that go through the same thing, their families and carers too.

Another big problem of mine was I was always scared of missing out on things when I was a child. If the family friends round when it was bed I wanted to join. I used to play up because I had to go to bed. Please send an email if you experience the same thing whether you are the person with Autism, family members, carers or friends. perhaps you have had these problems yourself as a child or you possibly still do. Do you know someone who did or and had these problems whatever the age? Whatever you know about Autism, I would love to hear your story. It would be great for us to talk to one another perhaps we'll find ourselves helping one another. Same email address for everything or my Facebook on Sarajgorman@gmail.com or and sarajgorman@googlemail.com.

LIFE AND MUSIC WITHOUT YOU.

I would have loved to have come to see you sing.
I only wish I had done now, it's too late.
No one else is you.
Brain, John and Rogar are great too.
Paul Rogars is great but he will be Alright Now in Free.
Queen isn't Queen without you Freddie too.

SHARING STORIES AND PROMBLEMS

Apart from introducing myself, I have created this website for you to read my stories and respond to them on the subject of disabilities in all issues on the lives of learning disabilities . People who care about people with disabilities are welcome to share stories and problems too as well as people with disabilities themselves. Please email me on sarajgorman@googlemail.com or and Facebook sarajgorman@gmail.com.

I will read anything you have to say and even response back your stories or and issues if you want me to. You are free to write about good and or bad subjects. I will be happy to read about your complaints on how you think on how people with disabilities, families and carer are treated today and in the past. How can we improve things in Britain for the future? If you have heard or even remembered any stories of disabled people in the past I'd be interested to hear your story if you would like to tell me. I may not be able to help you with everything but it's nice that we have one another to talk to.

FOR MY NAN ... ARE YOU THERE.

You are there.
There's a bright star in the sky at night.
This is you, you are there.
The stars are good people like you in heaven.
You are there .....

I miss you nan love from Sara x

HOPING TO MOVE ON.

Hope is sometimes called wishful thinking.

We shouldn't bulid our hopes up these days.

Jobs are very hard to find so I am not missing much.

The fact I can't work, I don't know what I want to do

when I go back to college in September.

I have passed some exams which I hope will help me

with my voluntary work at Mencap.

Where do I go from here?

Where is the light in the tunnel?

ME BRIEFLY ......

It's not easy being understood as a person with learning difficulties. I was born very quickly which caused a lack of oxygen to the brain. I was hyperactive and I had epilepsy until I was twelve years old. Twenty years later my fits came back at the age of thirty one.Thirty years ago, we didn't have a lot of support for disabilties. It's still not good today but better than it used to be. I believe we still have long way to go but we always will do. We can't expect a perfect world. My family tried to fight for my rights, they thought I should have as a baby and child but it was so much more difficult 38 years ago. Disabilties were not understood as much as they are today. Sometimes we thought that many people didn't wanted to know, now I think it's about time, we learned from the past to hopefully try to bring a bright future for people with learning disabilties. Soon I am hoping to do some voluntary work at Mencap to help others overcome the difficulties that I have faced.In my following pages I hope to explain more about the difficulties myself and my family have faced whilst I was growing up.

THE WAY MY DISABILITY AFFECTED ME AS A CHILD

My disability did affect me a lot as a child. I have come a long way, I still have a long way to go. I have always been slow with education and every day skills. It was when I left school I started to learn how to be independent. Having been bullied at school, I had changed schools a lot but I was still bullied a lot. I’m now very happy to say that I haven’t been bullied during my college days so far. If anything I have learned more and more easily since I have left school than when I was there.
My Auntie’s son Luke taught me how to tie my shoe laces when I was twenty years old, he was only ten. I felt such a fool. It was as if I was a child that was staying a child. Now I have achieved more skills since then I am slowly starting to feel like an adult. I am very grateful to Luke, still better late than never. I used to feel ashamed; these kind of problems encouraged bulling in school. They never understood why I found things harder than most children, well it felt that way to me at the time. Maybe they were the ones with the problems not just me, other wise why did we go to special schools?
My disability has always affected my road sense. I have improved to what I used to be but I still get nervous on busy main roads. I have never been able to ride a bike or drive a car and that will never happen. I can travel though on aeroplanes, coaches, buses, trains, trams, cars and etc. My disability affects my reflexes, I can’t carry two cups with hot drinks in at once. I can only carry one cup at a time. I have to use my right hand because my left hand shakes more than my right. I can’t grip very well with my left hand, it shakes and slips. Now I would say only for about a year or two, my family have discovered that I could be dyspaxia, which to do with hands and even balance. For eg banging into things and people, like I have said with grip, shakes of the hands and cor-anation where you only do one thing at a time, whether it's with your mind or your body. I can be very clumsily at times. I haven't got round to being diagnosed yet. I've had this problem all my life, no one knew until about a year ago that I could have dyspaxia.

It shows how much awareness there was twenty - thirty years ago, which is non. Still better late than never but like I say I need to be diagnosed yet. At the end of the day education is more slower than I am, why does it take years to find things out? Still we can find everything out at once, that's too much to ask. If you or someone you know are the same as me in anyway, please drop me an email on sarajgorman@googlemail.com I will be very interested to hear your story about your disability on how you cope with it, whoever you are and whatever age you are.

I have never been very good with directions but I am better than I used to be.I will always have the disability I have always had but I make progress each day, which makes me better than I used to be. I used to get angry and upset when not able to do things. Now I can accept the things I can’t do because there have been so many skills I have learned in the last ten years and maybe slightly more. I accept that there’s no way I would be able to have children and drive a car. I think today’s society has made me accept that. It’s unsafe world to bring children up and also there is too much traffic on the roads today. At the end of the day there are still quite a lot of skills that I could have a chance to achieve in the long term future. What skills, who knows!
I didn't cope most children, I felt as if they were having a better time than I was. I don’t think now that was the case. I may have egged them on to bully me without realising what I had done was wrong. I could not communicate with anyone, not even myself, they didn't understand me either. I weren't cope with playing games or reading books. Now I understand things better than I used to. I think I still find games hard to understand though.
I can just about cope with my own flat, I have all kinds of friends, I travel independently and I do my own shopping. I am attending college, doing English, creative writing and a computer course. I like drawing and painting. I am hoping to get some training for work so hopefully with the right help me I could become a writer. I am a lot happier and less frustrated compared to how I used to feel.

IN A DREAM WORLD

ME AGE 13 WITH MY BABY SISTER HOLLY

I was born mildly brain damaged and had fits from birth. The tablets I was taking since birth were very strong and caused me to be in a dream world. My mother weaned me off the tablets when I was about 12yrs old and I didn't have another fit until 20 years later. I was hyperactive and I was autistic, I was awake all night but I was in another world in the day. This is why I wasn’t very successful at school, I heard people’s voices but I didn’t understand them.
I had very bad temper tantrums that made life even harder for my family. I was seeking attention without realising or even meaning to. I was very lucky to have a family who persevered with me until I did understand how to do something.
My Mother tried to get help, in those days it was hard to find, she was on the verge of a nervous breakdown until an educational psychologist observed me for a week in my primary school.
During my adulthood I have realised that there are others in my shoes and some a lot worse. During my childhood I felt like the odd one out, I felt as if some people were making fun of me. I was unaware that I wasn’t the only one; it was as if people thought I was thick. Now I know it only seemed that way, I don’t think I was the odd one out but I thought I was. In those days it felt like no-one had the time to give someone like myself one chance, they didn’t seem to understand I couldn't master things first time. It is very hard to explain to people who don’t have these problems, unless they have these problems themselves. On the other hand I always believe there are always plenty of people worse off than you.
For me now it isn’t as bad as what it used to be because I hear about a lot more support and things now than what there used be. I think there is still a lot to understand still about being disabled, we will never know everything.