Mixed poetry

If YOU ARE A GOOD PERSON, WILL END UP IN HEAVEN.

Enjoy life to the full.
If you can't be good be careful.
Be naughty, enjoy but don't be too bad.
Try to be happy not sad.
Be strong and brave in hard times.
Happiness will grow on earth.
Heaven will be a peaceful place when you get there if you believe it will.
There has to be something to keep us going in this life even if it's hard to believe what is true. 13.11.2001


Bad has turned into good.

The problems I had at the birth, I am lucky to be alive.
I am very thankful to people's support even though living with my disability is hard for not only for me but my family too.
We are now used to me having a disability, we have lived with it nearly forty years.
I have learned that I am not alone in the world although it felt like that way for many years of my live.
I am not the only person in the world with disabilities, a lot of my friends have disabilities too.
As a child I felt like the odd one in the world as if everyone could do everything and I could do nothing.
Now I feel apart of everyone even though you always get some people who enjoy trying to make life unhappy for you, no one with a disability is alone there, people without disabilities have to live with it too.
I may be a bit slow but I am still a human being just like you.

What is normal at the end of the day?
No one is perfect.
No one is right all the time about anything.
It would be boring if everyone was right about everything and everybody.

It took me many years to believe that I am not alone, now that I know that I am a lot happier person.
I feel a lot better now I have got a career that I never thought I'd have. 2001 - 2009

I will never leave you.

I will never leave you like you left me.
My life would be dull and empty without you.
Losing you again is my biggest fear so I beg of you not to let of me.
I must be brave and hope for the best.
I must be mad to still love you and go back to you with the way you hurt me.
I must learn to be strong through the best times and enjoy the good.
Be thankful to you, my family and friends.
You must not hurt me again because I can only take so much and I would have to call it the end whether I still love you or not.
When I accept the bad the good will become better. 13.11.2001

Poems of love.

Someone picks up a live red rose.
One day a throne sadly kills that red rose and throws her away.
Another throne kisses her and she comes back to life.
This goes on and on until she meets the right throne but does she? 2001


Eddie dog.

Eddie dog loves playing with his ball, well with anything soft, that includes human's soft objects.
Eddie is a naughty but funny and nice dog.
Eddie needs his headlock on when you take him out for a walk, he pulls you too hard.
Eddie is getting an old boy but it never seems like, he does not seem to slow down.
He still plays with anything and everything he can see.
He still messes with people's shoes and socks.
When he needs a long sleep, he will wake for his dinner and walk. 2001


Lover boy.


We have been together on and off since Monday 16th May 1994, it was a very cold and rainy day.
He's my lover and best friend right to the end.
We met in a bar, we never thought it would get very far.
After two and a half years he broke my heart.
For four years we were apart.
It gave me so many tears over those years.
In time I thought I'd stop loving him but my feelings of love came such a bug, if only I could.

One day we fell back in love, we never thought we could or would.
It was just one love life story book.
If I write, you must take a look.

I hope he won't hurt me again, otherwise I will have to leave him even if I do still love him to get over him.
That would be the end of a lover but he may be still be my best friend. 2003 - 2004

My Life without you.

I think about you in my flat.
When I am with you it is great.
When I am without you I think about you where ever I am.
I look forward to seeing you when I see you. 2001

Poetry.

Poetry is like drawing and painting a picture.
Poetry is like building each block from the bottom to the top.
Just built the walk brick by brick.
Start from the yellow sand, the blue sea, the buckets, the spades, the blue sky and yellow sun.13.11.2001

Forgetting the past.

I hope we have learned from the most of our mistakes.
I hope we can both make the most of life while we are still here.
I hope I will get wiser as I get older.
I will never know whether to believe that there is a even or even earth or not.
We are told that heaven and earth is difference worlds.
Some people tell you, you come back, I find it hard to believe that.
It's best to live your life to the full because you know what's to come.
Once you have gone, you have gone for good and you won't be seen again.
Some of us believe in ghost but it's hard to tell is and is not the truth in these things. 2001


Happiness.

Look forward to the future and take the happiness what is out there for you.
Life may seem dull at first but give it time it will brighten up.
You wondering what is happening, well wait your turn.
Surprises are out there for you. 2001

Well we all have something to live for.

Just tell yourself that there is a life out there for you.
If you think all sad, you won't get out there and you won't know what happiness is.
Come on, you can do better than that!
Show everyone that you can pull yourself together out of those bad times and look forward to the good.
How your life and future is, is up to you, it will have it's ups and down's like everyone's. 2001

Not all dreams come true.

Follow your heart and your head should, you should get what you want out of life.
Just let it all happen, go with the flow and happiness will come to you.
If you don't plan you should find true happiness.
Something or and someone will give happiness to you.
Who and what you don't have a clue. 2001


Hurry up spring.

Hurry up spring, let's put green leaves on the trees.
Birds hurry up to lay your eggs, have your babies and sing.
Sheep hurry to have your lambs so they can can jump and skip.
Lift up the grass with yellow daffodils!
Let's see more of the short green that's covered in yellow daffodils.
Let's just bring back the joys of spring in the air! 24.1.2001

Where are you my love?

I am dreaming you being with me.
I picture you inside my mind.
I think about you in the day.
I dream about you at night.
Sometimes I hear your voice on the telephone.
I miss you all the time.
Am I living in fairy tale land or are you really mine? 24.1.2001


I know it's all over.

There's no such thing as the last kiss.
You did not seem to care whether I went or not.
You did not seem to care whether you never saw me again or not.
If only I did not care or loved you either.
You never let me know whether you were happy or sad to see me again.
Are you human, are you real or have I been having a strange dream all these years?
I just don't know why I am bothering coming back as there is nothing there for me.

I did not want to go or stay.
You don't love me so why am I here?
It does not feel that way.
Why am I hanging around where I am not wanted?

You are just a hard habit to break.
The worse thing is that you are unsure how you feel.
That does not help my feelings at all.
You have not done yourself any favors.
You have lied to yourself and to me.
Why do you have to leave to me to find out what's going through your mind?
How can I help I am not a mind reader?

Without yourself knowing it, you have hurt the one you love yet again.
Oh I forgot you don't know whether you love me or not.
It's hard to say what you want because you either won't tell me or you give me difference answers.
It does not make it very easy for me to know whether I should stay or go.
My mind tells me that leaving you is the right thing to do but my heart is saying no.

If you feel the same as I do, please send me a letter, text or a call.
Please ask people we know in pubs if they have seen me.
Don't know why I bothered saying that, I have had enough of been messed round.
I am leaving you one day when I feel strong enough to.
Don't rush into thinking about it too hard Ant it may take forever.

There are plenty more fish in the sea, I just hope the next one knows what he wants in life.
I will get away from this confused man one day, I hope will find someone someday who knows his own mind.
Ant if you don't know what you want after nearly fourteen years, you never will.
Who knows I may never bother with men again but I know I will. Jan08 - Feb 09


First serious love.

It feels as if no one will ever replace you but I don't want someone to replace you.
I want someone who loves me for me, which is more than I can say for you.
I want someone who knows what he wants in life.
You have known me fifteen yrs on and off but you don't know whether you love me or not.
It sounds as if you don't know what love is, I thought I may be have shown you that by now.
Yet you have had girlfriends before me, what a strange man you are.

You should know how I feel about you by now.
Even after all these years, you do not really understand how much you really mean to me.
You never now tell me whether you feel the same way towards me or not.
Did you ever love me?
You either loved me as much as you could or not at all.
I think I have wasted fifteen yrs loving a man who never loved me.
Your feelings turn on and off like a light.
I don't know why I still feel the same as I did when I first met you.
Come on Ant, that was a long time ago, if you don't know I am serious about you now, you never will.

I am so sorry that I can't stop loving you but I also understand how you feel too but then you don't know how you feel or what you want.
I wish I could help but I can't someone who does not know what they want themselves.

I wish you did not change your feelings every five minutes, now stop playing with my feelings!
You know very well how I feel about you so you mess me around more.
The way things are I know one day I won't feel the same as I do today.
I will get away from you to make sure that I don't feel the same as I do today anymore.
It's no good changing how you feel then because it could be too late for you.
The more I love you and see you, the more you hurt me.
May be I am wrong but it feels as if you don't have the same feelings as me anymore.
I only wish I did not feel for you this way. 14.2.09

I must be mad.

Fifteen years now I have loved you for, despite the pain we have been through together.
In time we have become just friends and lovers on and off.
In that time I have written pages and pages of poetry about you, I have even written about you in my diaries.
No matter what happens I will always love you.
No matter what happens despite the way you feel about me, even though it's not the answer I want to hear. 14.2.2009


Valentines day without love.

You feel alone in the world when you see couples walking down the street and holding hands.
You feel alone the world when you see people with presents and cards.
Why am I bothered?
Valentines day is waste of time and money mostly when the one you love does not love you anymore.
I write him a poetry, a waste of pen and ink but I still write them.

Sara just get on with life but it's even worse when valentine's day just hits you in the face. 14.2.2009


New start.

It's hard to change completely but I must change most things.
Somethings can change but others can't.
Somethings we to change, others we don't.
There are other things we have no choice about, you may have to change or don't change or can't change at all.
Somethings are easy to change others are not.
It would be a boring life if we were all the same.
There are so many things I should change but I won't can't let go, like I need to let go of Anthony. Jan 08 - Feb 09

I have been such a fool.

Whatever kind person you are I have loved you for fifteen years.
I still feel the same to this day but I very soon hope that those feelings will go away.
I can accept friendship but the more I see you the more I love you, you hurt me more because I know you don't feel the same way.
Sometimes you pretend to love me to keep me happy then you tell me you don't to make me sad.

May be you do know what you want but you play me around to hurt me.
As for you, you don't know how you feel towards me so how am I to know?
This is two possible guesses, if only I was a mind reader.
We have been through so many ups and downs together over the years but somehow I am still here for you even though we are just friends.

I have wasted so much time crying, days thinking about you and losing sleep over you.
The headaches and heartaches are just too much, I can't say I know when but I think I will go one day, I have had enough.

I don't know why I hang around anymore, it feels as if you don't feel the same way anymore.
May be you did not feel the way I thought you did.
I must be a complete fool, I am so in love with you it hurts.
I have tried so hard to love others but it did not work.
Many people have thought I had been a fool to put up with you all these years, may be they are right.

I don't know what else to do if I am not wanted in your life anymore.
May be one day I will be strong enough walk away from you like you walked away from me. Jan 08 - Feb 09

Henry IIV.

Henry IIV was on Most Haunted one night.
To think he had six wives.
He carried on marrying until he had a son.
He finely had a son went he married Jane Seymour.
She died after their son was born.
He had another three wives after Jane Seymour.
With Henry IVV, you never know he could be a dark horse. 2000 onwards.

There's a light at the end of the tunnel.

You may not think life is not living.
You feel blank.
You feel empty.
Your in a world of your own.
One day you feel life is a head of you, the next day you don't.
That's what happened to me.
Wait and see, it takes it's own time, it will happen to you.
You may not think you have a future.
It all seems dark as long as it seems dark but if there's anything I have learned once you get to the end of the tunnel there's a bright light.
You have Education, work and social life to think about. 2000 onwards

Edar Allan Poe.

There was once a poet I was not born to know.
His name was Edar Allan Poe.
He used to write his poems on top of a tree.
Did he write a poem called poe tree?
As the years went on spelling changed to poetry.
Take no notice of me, I am just playing around with words to write poe tree. 31st March 2007


We can make it.

Life can't be perfect.
Don't give up!
Live life to the end no matter how good or bad.
Keep strong you will get through. 19.3.2004


What can be worse?

No peace,
No quiet,
No clothes,
Be thankful for what you have got, if you have got anything at all.
Never feel sorry for yourself.
Nothing changes unless you change it yourself. 19.3.2004

We must get by.

No matter what we don't like, we must get by.
Don't let the bad things stop the good things in your life.
We only live once.
Why die sad when you can die happy.
More than anything give yourself a good time, you never know what's round the condor.19.3.2004

Talking to you.

When I talk to you, I find it hard to know what to say to you.
Before I talk to you, I have plenty of time to think about it but when I get on the phone I go blank.
It's nice to talk to you, it's so lovely to hear your voice.
You give me the news, then I will tell you what's been happening in my life.
I miss you so much, I wish I could see more of you.
I've also been interested in some men but they have not been interested in me.
Now I feel young and in my prime.
Not been able to make up my mind bet ween two men who I love and they love me.
To be fair I can only choose one, which is very hard. 29.12.2003

Take life as it comes.

We accept that we can't have every perfect in this life but our lives could be better then it could be worse.
It does not matter how hard life is, don't let it get to you.
Sadly with a lot of things, there is not a lot of things we can do.
We must accept it, be brave, strong and get on with life.
It will only get worse if you let things get to you.
Beat the world before it beats you.29.12.2003

Everything comes to life.

When I hear the wind blowing, it's as if the whole world has come to life.
The trees blow from side to side.
Fences come to life, full down, break up and die.
Litter runs down the road as fast as a flying kite.
Without wind there will be only animals and human beings who and what will come to life. 19.3.2004

Life today.

Too much traffic on the road today, it makes it so hard to cross the road.
Ques in difference places over a mile long.
People banging into one another.
No manners please and thank you.
Missing buses that come too early to what they say on the time tables but the wait is long enough for them to be late. 21.3.2004

Childhood.

Living life without a care in the world.
Everything taken care of by adults.
Skipping, playing games, going to the fair and building sandcastles on the beach all seems such a long time ago.
When we are children we want to become adults but many adults want to be children again.
Suddenly we regret growing up so fast but just don't know what fun is when we are young until it's all gone. 21.3.2004

20th March 2003.

It has been a year today since the second Gulf war broke out.
We were told in May 2003 the war was over but that's not true when soldiers are still even now getting killed.
There are soldier killed than there was before May 2003.
I don't think this war is over yet, why is our government telling us lies?
When I watch the news there seems to be bombs going off all over the world. 20.3.2004

Linked to 'TALKING TO THE GRAVES' there be some poems linked to ' TALKING TO THE GRAVES' I am hoping to create some love story lines between one of the ghosts and the live character.

Bad luck.


In this story, I was looking forward to seeing you.
What did we do wrong, we were just about to fall in love?
Life goes on and I must find a way forward.
I will never stop loving you but now you are in another world so I must start again.

I am going to carry on this earth without you, I find it hard to believe you were real in the first place, you are just a character in one of my stories.
I just can't see you but may be you can see me.
On the other hand I can't put my life on hold, that does not mean I am not trying to build your character up but you face a character based on me.

I need to love a real person and for real, I can't hear or see you. 30.12.2003


Cruel world.

I am a church of England.
Why did the world take you away?
War has spoiled it for us both.
No memory and no fun.
Not even one thing to look forward to.
There's no chance to see who I should have saw.
Christmas, death day and birthdays.
Darling I love you, god bless you. 30.12.2003


Christmas time.

I think about you at Christmas day.
I dream about you on Christmas night.
I am wishing that you'd walk up to my door.
We would be having a lovely time together.
I can just picture us together around the coal roaring fire. 30.12.2003


I must talk to you.

You might be up in heaven.
I might be here on earth.
Any of us could be anywhere and everywhere.
Whatever life is like, it does not mean I have stopped loving you.
There are so many stars in the sky at night, any star could be you. 30.12.2003


Private love.

You may well be a ghost but I love you.
People think I am mad if they knew or know.
I don't care what people think of the way I think.
This helps me accept death as it is even if there may not be as such thing as ghosts but there might be.
Our love may not be seen but heard, as strange it sounds.
You may over there and I might be over here but that does not stop us being a loving pair.

I hope you are lying to rest.
I believe you never rested on earth.

It's so hard to hold back the pain but try to be brave.

The truth is that when one rests in peace, the other wakes up.
Many people believe in people coming back as an animal or someone else.
Some say as one life is lost another life starts.
I don't know whether to believe in that or not but I wonder what have come back as if you have come?
Are you an animal or are you human?
Are female or male animal or human being?
Who knows? 30.12.2003 - 1.6.2004



What happens?

What is it like to be in the world of heaven?
Do you have less stress than we do on earth?
There's no perfect world with no problems at all so may be there are no two worlds heaven and earth.

Does your skin turn into bone?
Do you feel anything at all?
How on earth do people know?
Once you have gone, you have gone.
We never hear your voice again.
Are you ghosts really around or are you just nightmare fairy tales?
Are you really moving around?
I guess these questions are hard to answer.30.12.200 - 1.6.2004

To me, you are Freddie Mercury.

To me you are the King Of Music like Elvis Presley is the King Of Rock and Roll and Micheal Jackson is the King Of Pop.
Pop, rock, rock and roll and many all you have done it all.
Freddie, you may be one of the stars in the sky.
You were more than just a hero to us fans, it was almost as if we had known you all our lives even though we did not.
You were everything rolled into one to us.
I wonder how the moon is for heaven as well as earth.
There are too many questions hard to answer, most will never ever get answered.
2005 - 2006.

Any way forward.

It all seems so dark.
It's hard to know what is going to happen without you.
It's hard to believe you have gone fifteen years, it's hard believe you have gone at all.
It's hard to believe that you are never coming back to give more music.
I grew up watching you sing, those happy memories have not gone.
I remember watching on Live Aid when I was fifteen years old.
I even used to hope that I'd meet you one day but no chance of that Freddie Mercury.
Now it's far too late for all that.
Never mind not everything goes everyone's way. 2003 - 2006

Why you?

I could not believe it when you had gone but let's believe your spirit is still here!
The night I found out the world had lost you, I cried my eyes out in my bedroom all night long.
Your art and music still lives on.
Nearly fifteen years on and even now the news has not sank in. 2003 - 2006.

Is there a god?

Have you ever seen god or a god?
If yes is the case, do you get on with him?
Is god the boss of heaven?
Should we believe in him or not?
Will he send you to hell if you do bad but heaven if you do good?
Do we really need help from god or do we help ourselves?
Is god the boss of heaven? 6.1.2004



Wondering minds.

It must be lovely to sleep and never wake up.
It is death forever sleeping.
May be you can't sleep at all.
May be you live the same life in heaven as you did on earth work, sleep and social life.
It's just like a dark tunnel, you feel trapped and you must get out.
Do you feel things or not?
Do you get some sleep and wake up? 6.1.2004


What's the weather like in heaven?

Does it get cold in heaven?
Does it get hot in heaven?
Can it go hot and cold in heaven like it does on earth?
Does it all stay the same?
Do you have snow?
Do you have rain?
Does it change?
May be for people in heaven life stays the same.
Is there a future in heaven, is there any life at all?
May be only if there is past and a present. 2003 - 2006


I am writing a silly verse, does it get any worse?

I am writing a silly poem, this poem is worth knowing.
I wish I could write my poems more like Lenard Cohen.
Is Lenard Cohen worth knowing, does he do sewing?

We sat to kiss but there was so much mist.
He's written my name on his love list.
He's a boy who gives me so much joy.

It was a peaceful night,
read before I turned the light.
I could not sleep because there was a fight.

There was once a verse about a empty purse.
I don't know who found the purse first.
I think it a man named thrust.
The man who stool it he was crust.

This is your friend until the end.
This the end, your not my friend.

I swam in the sea,
I saw Lee drinking a cup of tea,
there was no tea for me.

I need some fresh air.
The sweets we should share.
In this world there's some care.

Today I feel so much sorrow, may be I will be happy tomorrow.
When I see you tomorrow I will follow.

The man who spend his long life with his wife,
in the end he killed with a knife because was a nightmare of his life.
He paid a big price when he killed his long lasting wife. 2003 -2006

Sound.

I can hear the sound of music in my flat.
It's the sound of Queen Freddie Mercury has such a great voice.
Other than the sound of music I can hear silence. 2003 - 2006


Dripping tap.

A dripping tap can get you down if it drips too much.
All you can hear is drip drop.
If the drip drops long enough, water can cost too much, turn the tap off. 2003 -2006


How do you feel?

You don't seem to love me as much as you used to do.
Sometimes I wonder if you ever did love me.
What have I done so wrong to you?
Sometimes I think I should walk out the door but my love for you is too strong.
I just don't feel as if I belong. 2003 - 2006


That's Life.

In life everyone, I makes mistakes.
Promises that I make self I break, I carry on making mistakes.
That's what we are all like as a human race, that's very often the case.
Sometimes it's too late to mend the mistake, never ,end what's already broken.
Mistakes are the main things in life that the human race hates to face.
Sometimes we can be lucky to find with some mistakes it's never too late to try to make something again but it is because the same things happens again. 2003 - 2006


What's a matter with you?

You look at me.
I look at you.
I tried to think what to do because I know you don't know what you want to do.

The problem is that I love you but you are acting as if you don't love me.
Yes it's true no matter what I say and do you seem so blue, you are making me feel that way too.

Follow you heart, then you may know what you want in life.
No more tears, fear and everything will be clear.
You will find your mind, your always on my mind.

I love you,
do you love me.
Our love is meant to be.


You don't very often anymore give me a hug.
What's wrong with our love?

People must think I am mad loving you after what you put me through.

How many times do I have to say I love you.
Why don't you tell me how you feel?
Why look so blue?

Over the years I have traveled to see you whatever the weather to be with you.
Rain, hail, wind, sun and snow I love to see you.

If you love me show love. 2003 - 2006


Is life that bad?

Do you feel sad when it rains on the window pain?
On rainy days do you see me sad?
Does it make you sad?
When the clouds are black and gray that is a rainy day.

When the sky is blue, it's a yellow sunny day we should be in a happy way but we may well be sad inside ourselves.
Now that I have heard what go through your head now listen to what goes through my head.
You never go away, I never stop thinking about you.

The way you were makes me feel happy, the way you are now makes me feel sad. 1.6.2004


Cheer up.

Let's go out together under the shade today.
Let's talk it through.
Let's be ourselves and do what we want.
Now tell me what is really going on.
Tell me what is going to happen between us.
I love you from the bottom of my heart I hope we will never part.
The sun is shining in the sky to give us romance.
Give me passion, desire and set me on fire. 2003 - 2006


Starting again.

I love you and need you.
I just hope you still feel the same way.
I want to know that it lasts between us, I am fed up of making mistakes.

Let's learn from what we did wrong in the past.
Let's not rush into it so fast.
Forget the past.
Move on to the future.
Lets stop wasting time!
It's time to make up our minds.
If you don't know your own mind at thirty - five you may not have much time.
We must learn to be one and two of the kind. 2003 - 2006.

It was me.

I looked alright but I did not feel alright.
I have always had the parts of my body I need.
My mind was blank all through childhood due heavy dose of tablets.
I could not cope with my school work but I coped with my college work better.
School teachers thought I was lazy.
I was also bullied.
When I got home at night, I felt school was a waste of time.
It seemed as If I was never liked in school.
Everything I said and done was wrong, I felt as if I could not please anyone not even myself. 2000 onwards.

Think about.

Think about the good and bad in this world.
Drugs bring shame to this world, which causes people to create crime.
The greatest thing in the world is love that brings the best to us all.
Love can support one another through the bad times in life.
Love is not just through a partner but family and friends but in difference ways.
You can't have good news all the while but there's too much bad news in the world today.

Why do we moan?
What do we moan about?
Do we stop to think about that there is always a lot people worse off than ourselves?
The kind of people who have nothing to wear, eat and nowhere to sleep.
Why are we sad when we know we have familes, friends and homes?
Why are the worse off people more happy than us? 30.12.2003

Anger.

There's nothing more than helps you get your feelings out, even though anger is not nice.
It does not do for you to bottle things inside yourself.
Now over the years I have accepted the skills I can't manage the anger get's less and less.
It's upsetting when you can't cope with things.
You feel as if no one understands you, I am not sure whether people understand me now.
I don't think I will ever understand myself, I don't think I ever will.
That's why your a child with a broken heart. 2000 onwards


How hard it is to care about people who find it hard to care about themselves.

Don't people understand?
It's hard to care about people when you have problems caring for yourself.
When deep down you care about people but it's hard to show.
One day you will show those feelings.
I am still working on myself slowly.
I can show care a lot better than I used to.
What do we do right and wrong?
Do we really understand what's right and wrong? 30.12.2003


Animals.

Animals are loving to us.
Not everyone is kind to animals like most people are.
If you hurt them or you are strange to them they may hurt you.
Some people can not be like you and me.
That's their problem not ours. 30.12.2003

You are misunderstood.


You are misunderstood because people don't understand you as a person with a disability.
A lot of people don't understand themselves even but we understand how they work.
We understand that they are trying to block us out.
We are too slow and we are too much hard work to teach in the eyes of society. 30.12.2003


How you left us.

You all battled for your country.
You lost your life to save disabled people.
You and many others lost your lives to save us all.
Without you guys we would not have had a future but then you all should have had a future too.
Thank you all. 1.6.2004


I love you.

I hope you like flowers.
Trying to cry is hard but then you may not want me to cry.
If I cry, it will be hard to control because my tears won't stop.

I will always love you, you will be in my thoughts and dreams but with no memories. 1.6.2004


Love can be dangerous.

What kind of person am I?
Do you like the person I?
Is it fair to say I love the two of you?
Oh love can be so dangerous I don't know what to do.
I don't want to be dangerous I just want to love one of you.

I find it hard to win because I don't want to hurt any of you.
Whatever I do I feel as if I am hurting someone.
What does it matter chose one or no one at all.
Be friends with the other.
My feelings are hard to control and I am knocking my head on brick walls.
Oh love can be dangerous games to play.

I am not the woman I used to be or the woman I would like to be.
I intend to be faithful that's why I can't cope when I have strong feelings for two people.
I never thought my feelings would make life so hard.
I hate putting myself in the wrong, when life puts on the hard spot.
Love can be a dangerous game to play.

I either have too much choice or no choice at all.
It's a good job I only have the choice of two of you but that's hard enough to make that choose. 1.6.2004


My worse nightmare.

Where were you when my life started?
You left me with my family, without them where would I be?
Nowhere.
You left me out in the cold to find out by my Mother about you.
It was hard at the age of five to understand why my Father was not with me.
I had to get used to knowing that.
Asking my family and myself questions in my mind.
You just went off without a care in the world.
Why didn't you find me, why did I have to find you.
I always contract contract you, you very rarely contract me.
What are you scared of?
The things we could have done together have been lost, it's no good turning back the clock.
It's no good remarking on every boyfriend I have when you cause hurt yourself.
May be it's because you have never been able to cope with my disability.
My be that's not true because you have two children in care already.
It's almost as if you have no feelings or any understanding of how children feel .2000 onwards


When I am with you.



When I am with you, it all seems so true.
When I am without you I feel blue.
If only you knew how much I love you, I have told you enough times.

Please tell me why you lied?
I would sooner die.
When I look into your eyes, you give me so much pride.
Hay, please don't make me cry with all your lies.2000


What is our future life.

I know something is on your mind.
You keep trying to avoid me, why?
Is there something I should know?
Should me your pride!
Please don't tell me lies.
Please tell me what's on your mind?
Most of the time you can be very kind.

Without you in my life, time will be slow.
In the future, I wonder what I will find.
I'd very much like to be your bride but in plenty of time. 2000


I remember when our love ended.

You couldn't make your mind what you wanted.
You drove me mad all the time.

I told you, you could have her because I know you did not want to stay with me.

I may be sad and blue but I still love you.
Good, bad, happy and sad.
For some reason I must be so mad. 2001 onwards


I love you but you hurt me so.

Every day for four years, it all seemed dull and dark.
I found it so hard to move on.
I cried my eyes out when you left me.
I remember the day you met me.
I hope you won't leave me anyone, if you do I am out the door.
I won't ever come back anymore.
So don't give me a call.
I'll miss you again but I will have to stop myself from getting hurt.
I hope one day I will met someone who loves me for me and doesn't hurt me. 2001 onwards.


Heat.

Please remain that old flame.
Please don't give me the main blame.
Now the cards have been laid on the table, our love has failed.2000


School days.

There was a child, who always got the blame and the cane.
Every time he walked down the bus lanes.
Years later he become tame, through the amount of times he had been caned. 2000 onwards


It's time.

It's time to make up my mind.
It's time to live my life to make up my time.
It's time to empty my mind.

I am yours and you are mine.
Now let's have a great time.
Time to go away, I will be back in a few days. 2000 onwards

You will always find.

I think about you all the time.
You are always on my mind.
Every single time.

This a long song
bong bong.

Our love is with us here forever my dear.2000 onwards.


You were there, you'd gone, now you have come back.


We were far too young, we fell in love far too young.
We looked at each other and we knew it was love.
Two and a years was long for me to feel as if I belonged to you.
Four years of sadness and falling love with someone who I did not even love.
We need to act like adults instead of children.
The door was closed for so long, we never thought the door would open again.
We never thought we'd let one another in again.
We suddenly knew that we had loved one another too long to let go of one another. 26.5.2002

I never felt the same without you.

Walking around the town getting bored out of my head.
I used to think to go to pubs getting drunk out my head, I could not even stand on my own two feet I was that drunk, you broke my heart so much.

I told your Mum that I would have stop coming down, it was hard facing you in the same room knowing that you did not love me anymore and that you were with her.
your Mum told me to take no notice of you even though you were biting my head off. I could not stand anymore but.
If it had not been for your Mum telling me not to stop coming you won't have seen me again let a lone get back together.
As much as I like your Mum, has her advice made me a stronger person or not?
I know she likes me but I know we are always going be on and off until things go bang!

Your Mum told me not to let you get to me, even though you were biting my head off.
At the time I was going out of my mind I could not stand to be alive.
I think I had a very bad break down, you having gone off with her hurt me so much.

I must be mad to have you back but I love you so much.
I should not go back to you really but I love you too much not to.
Slowly I knew you will hurt me and break my heart again.

Me and your family tried to tell you, you going with her was a big mistake but you knew it all, you would not listen.

When you saw me, you had no interest in me what so ever.
When I walked out of your Mum's door I felt so small.
Now you love me again, I hope the pain has gone forever and for good.
Keep hold of me, there may come a day I may not love you anymore, I may not feel the same towards you as I do now, it's only love that has bought me back to you!
What goes around comes around, I treat you like you treat me. 26.5.2002

Stronger love.

I can trust that you won't hurt me again.
Our love is stronger whatever goes on.
I don't enjoy having epilepsy, it make it hard for me to lead my life but I mange somehow.
I don't let my condition put a hold on my life.
My condition may have bought us close together but then I hope it does not slit us apart.
I don't want to lose you again.
At the end of the day we always get on great.
Your my best friend as well as my lover.
My darling let's work hard at this after we have both been through already.
We will get through the good and bad together.26.5.2002

How lucky am I?

No dirty nappies to change.
No feeding, no bathing, no dressing, and putting to sleep.
No getting up in the night when they need looking after and when they are ill.
No having to put up with screaming and playing up.
No checking teenagers.
No being a Granny before my time.
It's such a unkind word to bring children.
You can love children without doing everything for them.
We were all children once that's what can be scary when you get a flash of yourself from the past when you were younger age.
I fear seeing myself in the mirror again when I was 8 yrs ago me in another person.
It seems wrong that you can't teach them right from wrong like we were taught as children.
It does not mean that I don't like children, it's nice to love them without the stress. 2000 onwards


I felt like ending my life.

When you left me, I felt like ending my life.
I could not see my future life.
Apart from my family, I felt I had nothing to live for.
Most people made out they were friends but they were not in the end.
Friendship was all I needed after I lost you.
I could not see the light at the end of the tunnel.
No idea of future and dreams, it was if I had nothing to look forward to.
I could not see any happiness at all.
I mind seemed and blank and the world seemed black.
I never thought I'd be strong enough stand anymore. 26.5.2002

Bonfire night.


Weeks before bonfire night, you hear the fire works keep going off all night, it gives us such a fright.
The good thing about it is that they give nights plenty of light.
People practicing before bonfire night.
The flashing lights are so bright for your eyes. 26.5.2002

Verse

(How selfish life can be?) Christmas is a waste of money but the main thing is keeping the children happy.
I wish I could be this fare away.
I want to led my own life.
I know I was once a child who was naughty who grow into an adult who had to learn right from wrong.
Now you can't take the law.
Teaching your child to be good but your taking the law into your own hands which is wrong when you just want your children to grow up into nice adult.
I am disabled, I would not be able to cope kids anyway, I don't would want to with many of them these day they are too scary. 26.5.2002


The young.

Walking around day and night.
They don't have to do anything.
Food and drink is very hard to buy these days.
Kids either very little food and drink or too much.
The education is not as good as it you used to be or kids learn things they should not know.

As adults it can be too late for them to learn right from wrong.
They end up begging people for food, drink and drugs.
Some people are on the streets because they have stressed their families out too.
Others have been turned away from their families for no reason, it's hard to know the truth is.

Some people there through lack of attention just for the sake of begging off people.

Some people try to make people feel sorry for them.
The backgrounds of these people are hard to know the truth of.
People don't know whether to help or not. 29.5.2002

Dull, bright.

I woke up in the morning, it was a very dull day.
Nothing seemed to have gone my way.
Trying to smile was a work of art.
The future seemed blank.
What's up with me?
I have heeled from my broken heart, now I am glad to see you back again.
I became brave and strong without you: I am still brave enough to love you again.
One minute the weather was hot then it was cold, it just went from dull to bright and bright to dull.
Since you have come back into my life, I am so in love with you.
I can't eat and sleep.
Tossing and turning in bed with happiness.
When I lost you I went through crying and sadness.
If you promise not to hurt me again, you will be more than special to me through out our life. 26.5.2002


I thought you had gone for good.

I thought about you all the time as tears came down my eyes.
I missed the man who made me laugh with his brown eyes and cheeky face.
You have got such lovely ways.
The pain you gave me cut me into like a knife going through me when you were not with me.
In time I had to get on with my life, I would have stopped alone not excepting you to come back.
I was not going to come back or wait for you otherwise I could have been waiting forever or never.
When I looked at you again, I knew I knew you too well.
I looked at that cheeky face.
I could not help but love you.
No matter how much you hurt me, I found it hard to hate you.
It seemed so long I thought you would come back.
I was more than surprised that you did. 26.5.2002


Mother and child.

I were an older child born to a Mother so young.
She too young to know about having a baby.
We both learned from one another.
My life started as a baby like all babies. 25.4.2002

Princess Die.

Die you were too young to die.
You were the people's friend until the end, in our eyes you still are and always will be.
You helped children so much.
You loved your children William and Harry.
Why did Charles hurt you so much?
You were one in a million as a person and the reward for the work you had done.
Society was so did not know who it lost until it lost you.
I can take or leave royally but I don't understand why most people hated you so much.
Naturally your sons loved you so much.
Your death must have left them with so much sadness.
You must be very much missed by them with the love of your sons. 26.5.2002


Why did we lose princess Die so young?

Why did Die and her boyfriend die so young?
It was so hurtful to think that the press was making their lives hell, I think the stress from the press caused both their deaths.
Dies new lover must have been better than Charles, he may have made her more happy than Charles did, we would have never of known.
Now she will be always be in rest and peace with the man she loved. 26.5.2002

Losing track of time.

When I last looked at the clock it was 11am.
Now I am writing poetry it's 1.05pm.
This is how time goes too fast.
If you are not doing anything time drags on. 26.5.2002

True love.

To love you too long and too strong.
To be apart for so long and not know why.
To not live with each other forever. 25.4.2002

To my lover and my best friend.

To love each other for each other.
To take things slowly.
To look at each other and know it's right. 25.4.2002

love verse.

To be happy together.
To go hot and cold.
To know that love is not a bed of roses.
To be able to talk to one another easy.

To keep things private bet ween one another.
Talk about it if or and when you are ready to.
To have a very special bond together.
Not to care what people say.
No one can take it away from you other than yourselves.
Not to let people's points of views get in your way. 25.4.2002


Losing you.

When I lost you, it was hard to accept.
It took so long to get over you.
In time I accepted that there was not anymore me and you.
It took time to forget what happened.
To dwell and be alone thinking that you'd be the last man I'd have in my life.
In time you were history so I did move on.
I just took you how I saw and heard you.
Now you have become mine all over again, happy for how long? 25.4.2002

I loved you far too long.

Our love is far long and too strong to let go of one another.
I have got to know you far too well.
When you broke my heart the pain hurt too hard to talk about.
I treasured the happy memories of having spent happy times together.
Now you are making me more happy than you did before.
I used to put on a brave face to show the world I was strong enough to be without you.26.4.2002

Life without you.

After having been apart from you so long.
I missed you so much and I have known you far too long to carry on being apart from you.
When I look at you very close, I know that I had been hiding my love for you so long. 26.4.2002

The weather.

Wet, windy and stormy, this is so unfair until the mouth of May.
It's pouring down with rain.
Where is the sunshine again. 26.5.2002

Miss you.

Miss you so much.
I keep on looking at the phone.
I am waiting to talk to you so much.
I keep waiting to see you so much.
Do you feel the same way?
I can't help but think I am letting you down, I don't mean that's only because I am not seeing you.
I can't stay at home alone because of my fits.
I have not enough money to give me a life of my own.
I only wish I had enough money for a long night out at least once a week.
Just give me time to sort my life out, then I will stop going his.
If you can't live with this I will understand.
Love you so much,. 11.5.2008