Mental and Emotional Abuse Awareness.

This information applies to everyone on this group so feel free to ask us if you want and have needs to be. Always Learn About Disability + Never Judge Disability.
This group is for anyone with any type of disabilities, health problems, Mental Health problems and etc; parents, parent, family, carers, support workers, professions and etc. It is an Awareness and Advocacy group all rolled to with all topics on 1 group. More information is our pinned post and my website sararevealed.blogspot.com/ Thank you.
Please feel free to ask for any information online on the topics we have written on the purpose of this group if you need to. Just to make you aware anything we don't know, may be there will be contact details on the links we give you or we may be able to know someone or somewhere that does depending what you are asking for. For example; if you talk to me and if I don't know something that your asking for Tim might do or the other way round.
Please don't forget if you want to talk to us about anything such as if anything is bothering you please feel free to. However' if you want us to find you to find any links to Mental Health services such as Rethink and Mind. Both of us can only do what we can do from our experience anything we can't we will do our best to find someone or and somewhere that does.
I myself suffer from Anxiety and Depression and I know with me, I can feel down at any time whether I have reason to or not whenever that down feeling wants to happen.
I understand that this is more of a personal subject, we never force anyone to talk about anything they don't want to but certainly not about this. However' feel free if want to, I myself have faced certain amount types of abuse in my life, which I can only be help from my own experience, anything I don't know I'd be more than willing to look for links, contacts and etc of even services and people who are more trained and even profession than myself.

Here are some possible important details in case either myself or Tim are not online or and in case we are not trained in the help you may be asking for.
Here are some important contacts you may need.

http://www.stophateuk.org/ 0800 138 1625
WWW.crimestoppers-uk.org 0800 555 111
Learning Disability Hate Crime Stop Crime Helpline 0800 802 1155
http://www.mind.org.uk/ 0300 123 3393 email info@mind.org.uk
Samaritans WWW.sameritans.org 08457 90 90 90
Elder Abuse WWW. ageuk.org.uk 0808 808 81141
Victim Support WWW,victimsupport.org.uk 08045 3030 900
NHS medial help non - emergency 111 WWW.nhs.uk
NSPCC Helpline WWW.nspcc.org.uk 0808 800 5000
Citizens Advice 0844 111 444 from landline 0300 330 06550 from mobile and WWW.adviceguide.org.uk
Community legal advice 0845 345 4345 WWW.justice.org.uk

Now here's some experience of what I have faced in my life and even after closing the door it's still there, no matter what and how much I have tried. I have found poetry and counselling has got me through it's not the same for everyone. If you are facing or faced not much different or the same as what I have been through please free to talk me, anything I can't help with feel free to ask me for links, services and people more trained me if you want mainly when it comes to profession.

https://www.rethink.org/?gclid=Cj0KEQjwwMi7BRDGptbvwOCDj8oBEiQAIALyDJbFtIle3ZdxtAlCPh0m35V2BjQemJrjXVrzlkeBkeMaAk1J8P8HAQ
http://www.mind.org.uk/?gclid=Cj0KEQjwwMi7BRDGptbvwOCDj8oBEiQAIALyDG_0wh8tNtd7LFt36RqB9mNA5yU4r_LOTZMolL76zekaAvcc8P8HAQ
http://www.samaritans.org/how-we-can-help-you/contact-us?gclid=Cj0KEQjwwMi7BRDGptbvwOCDj8oBEiQAIALyDOtKxcOMze5z-cpYeoDQNL9dbLaIBzjKPjMDgdjUEnkaAk6g8P8HAQ
http://www.changing-lives.org.uk/
https://turn2me.org/group-supports?gclid=Cj0KEQjwwMi7BRDGptbvwOCDj8oBEiQAIALyDAgMPlzlmHLHDdD2X8KUtkMaFW4SksHtHSQYNny1kk4aArmj8P8HAQ
http://www.theaccessibleplanet.com/lifestyle/counselling-for-disabled.html
http://www.womensaidni.org/get-help/useful-links/
http://www.counselling-directory.org.uk/emotional-abuse.html






What is Mental and Emotional Abuse?

We all know the mind and the body tend to work different ways. If you see a mark on person's skin you know something has happened to them one way or the other but not always easy proving how. Whatever goes on in a person's mind you don't know unless they say and even then what they can be hard to prove.

When it comes to Mental and Emotional Abuse can be hidden, really you can't believe and disbelieve a person. Even you have seen the person who that person is facing Mental and Emotional Abuse, it's hard to prove because he or she may not behave in the same way towards you as they do towards them.
 It's a hard to explain because not many things coming from someone's voice is classed as a crime. It quite understandable those who haven't faced Emotional and Mental Abuse think to themselves it's just voice so don't have anything to do with he or she again! However' when you first get to know a lot of people you don't know what they are like at first then you grow a bond with them, then you find them for what you are. Yes' some people you can forget you ever knew but others you can't no matter how much you want. Saying that it's totally unknown to whether or not there's a light at the end of the tunnel to a point where you will forget you ever knew that person, which then causes you either long term or life time Depression, that rather easy to say now because no one knows. I would guess everyone of us who has gone through it, it will be different to each and everyone of us, it could depend on the victim and the realtionship of the Mental and Emotional abuser.





Just bear in mind once upon a time I loved the ground this man walked on and he left me for someone else but I loved so much I took him back four years later. It was hell during those four years but my word I wish I would have stuck them out without him because I cause I wouldn't caused myself twice as much pain but when I started to walked away from him I still loved him but I knew I need to do this for my own good because goodness knows what my life would be like now. Okay I still have the pain hanging over me but I'd soon cope with it alone than have him cause me more. Looking at the picture of him you wouldn't think butter would melt in his month, little I knew what I was getting myself in for twenty - two years ago.

 In my case it was my ex partner I was with for 13 and a half years and we have been apart nearly nine years. I have had stages where I have felt better as if I never knew him and then he's gone back in my mind.  In nine years I have had under to may be just over six loads of counselling just over one man whose damaged  my mind but trying not letting him not to has and still is a huge work of art. When you feel better you feel you going to feel better forever and when you feel bad you feel as if you going to bad for life, it's just a nightmare.

It was only my last counselor told me to what I was saying to her that she thought I had been through Emotional and Mental abuse. When I was having counselling off her in about 2014. I said I left him altogether in 2012 and it angers me that I still can't get him off my mind. She he's put you through Mental and Emotional abuse that's why, which it is a hard one to move on from even when you have walked away from the person altogether. For me and I know others have face it was a number of year from when we slip till I was strong enough to walk away altogether, which is why I couldn't understand why I had him on my mind.
If you are or have faced not much different or the same as myself. http://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2014/10/13/21-warning-signs-of-an-emotionally-abusive-relationship/


What is Mental and Emotional abuse? For me it was

This poem says how my ex behaved towards me.

What do you want from me?

One minute you want me and the next minute you don't.
Make up your mind, love is not a mind game!
You will go ages without touching me then you suddenly do.
I know who I want but If you don't want me, I'd be a foal to wait forever.
Think about it, there's no going back once it's too late, who says I says I am going to be soft forever, I don't know?
If I did not love you so much it would not bother me.
The fact you know I love you, you know you can play on my mind.
You are confused so you are confusing me at the same time.
You will my life worse for yourself in the end!
Why do you only touch me these days when you have had a drink?
The day after drinking I know you don't feel the same.
Please stick to one answer and please tell me what that answer is!
Why am I waiting for you, I'm wasting my time like a soft fool when I could be doing better?
There must be someone out there who loves me better than you, I must be a fool to myself I really must be. 2007


Your always on my mind. 

I am always dreaming about you at night and thinking about you in the day. 

I am always wishing you are right beside me. 

The engagement ring you put on my finger means a lot to me, even though you may not love me anymore. 
Please believe that I still love you though. 

We have been together on and off for twelve years. 

We have been through the hard times just like all people. 

May be one day I will have the chance to show my love for you again, only when I know that you love me. 2006 


When I feel close to you. 

I feel close to you when I lye close to you. 

You make me feel safe when you make me feel happy. 

It would be lovely if you would stay a bit longer. 

It would be lovely to stay a little longer early lye in together. 

It's great when I open my eyes and you are right beside me. 

I have learned to love you too long and too much I can't let go, even though you hurt me so. 2007 
To the one I love. 

You are the one I love so much. 

You brighten up my day. 

You make me feel happy but then you make me feel sad. 

You guide me through that dark tunnel that I can't see. 

We have been together so long that we share an everyday memory together. 

Today I love more than yesterday, that's even more than before. 2007 


How do I know if you love me or not if you don't tell me and show me?

You know I find it hard to stop loving you.

Can you disbelieve that I love you?

If that's the case, why am I still in your life? (Your the love of my life.)

You are now say that I don't show love towards you but you never show love towards me these days.
Why should I make the first move?

Why should I try with someone who does not love me anymore or who does not know what he wants?

You will have no problem showing your love towards me because you know I love you.

If you show me love I will show you love.

If you don't show me love, then I know my answer.

How long to do you except me to be mad enough to want you?
It's only because I love that I am just around you.

I just want you to let me know whether you want me to stay or go. 2007. 
I am so hurt.

I sit back thinking about you everyday, wondering if you are faithful to me or not.

It's going to take a while until I can get my trust back in you.

I love you for you, which is everything about you.

What I don't like is your lies and changes of stories that you have told me.

I can never forget the way you cheated on me, you really did hurt me.

When you are drunk you scar me.

There are good and bad sides of you like in most of his but when your nice your really nice or your really nasty.

You can be very funny and make me laugh, handsome and romantic.

You are very romantic when you want to be. 2000 onwards. 


My worse mistake.

I know I am such a mad fool.

For some reason I still love you.

Now that I am thirty I am frightened of not loving again.

May be now I am out of my twenties men have gone off me.

May be I am going to get less attractive the older I get.

Now I have left you I am not rushing into anything with anyone.

Being alone is better than being with a bad man like you.

You drink far too much on your tablets.

You go on and off with other woman behind my back.

You have tried to hit me when you have been drunk when no one was there.

For some reason I still love you but I can't put up with you. 9.1.2000 

The way many men should their feelings.

Many men bottle their feelings up inside themselves.

They make out they don't get upset that easy but they really keep their hurt and pain to themselves.

The only time many men cope with pain is when they are hospital, this could be why men don't give birth.

The whole truth many men are big babies. 10.2.2000


I miss you forever more.

You were the best lover I ever had.

We were so long together but now so long apart.

You are always inside my heart.

Life has not been easy without you but by writing poetry helps me accept that we are apart.
I think about you everyday and dream about you every night.

I must be with you, no one else will do.

May be I will love again and get on with my life but may be I won't love anymore. 2000 onwards. 

I love someone but I hate him too.

I hate him when he tells lies and makes me cry.

I don't know why I seem to love the men who treat bad.

I dropped him like a ton of bricks because I could not take anymore pain.

When he tells me he loves and cares about me, I think it's a lie.

Why does he hurt and upset me so much?

I wish he would have told me he's seeing another woman or other women.

I wish I could get this hurt and pain off my mind. 10.2.2000 

Anything you do does not surprise me.

I have had to get used to the way you have always been all these years.

Nothing seems to be new about you but still you can't change a man so I am not going to change me either.

I don't think you have ever known what you wanted in all the years I have known you.
You don't know whether you want to be lovers, friends or what.

I just need to achieve what I need to do in life like leaving you, which I am not strong enough yet.

It's no good staying with a man who does not know whether he loves me or not.

I am now a woman getting towards 40, I am too old for your silly games and my career is coming along at last.

The young school girl went over twenty years ago, I have achieved more through adult life and school was no help at all.

How wrong was I to think I would not get by in life.

If only I knew then what I know now.

My career is my writing, which is getting.
By the way make up your mind whether you want to be my friend or lover again! 13.1.2009 
Life goes on without you.

It may well be still dark in here but I believe on I am on my way to the light, one day I will get there.

I will find happiness in some way one day.

Life goes on without you.

Your not the only man in the world.

How foolish was I to chose you.

I have no shame to hide from the world but shame on you.

You have bought all this pain and loss yourself.

Say hello to loneliness.

I will get through without you somehow.

I can think more clearer without wondering where you are like I used to.

I know what I want more in life than you do.


Some people blame you for us but others blame me for us.

Silly me, I keep forgetting there's no us oh that's good.

A lot of people have asked about you but I am fed up with.

At the same time they think I should get on with my life as I doing.


I have not cried a tear over you this time but I haven't felt sadness.
I can live without your love. 13.6.2009 

Open a new door.

Days are early and nights are young.

Pain is still but it will pass.

I'm very willing to move on.

You feel the same too.

We don't want to put our pain on one another but still willing to get to know one another.

We must not give one another our grief we have had from others. 14.6.2009

I miss you badly.

I am missing you badly but I am looking forward to the day I do.

My mind is all over the place bet ween happy and sad but I will get through.

It's wise of you to say that we need to get to know one another first.

Let's not rush into things.

The past takes far too long to get over.

I only wish I could cry but I can't.

At least when I cry it will get out my system.

May be it's best to write poetry to clear my mind instead.

Cause I like you a lot, I know I was unsure at first, change is a new thing.
I will look forward to a new slow start.


I find it hard to eat and sleep.

I can't stop thinking about you.

I understand that I am not on my own, you have a past to get over too.

This is why it's wise not to rush into things.14.6.2009 


Whatever life throws at me.

I must be strong!

I must be brave!

I must be calm!

Heart breaks happen to us all.

Sara fall down and get back up again!

For the first time in your life, don't be weak! 12.7.2009

Feelings.

I still love you with all my heart.

When you left me life became rather hard.

It seems as if my loving feelings for you are there for a life time.

However you feel for me, how I feel for you stays.

You are my best caring male friend.

I mean every word I say.

I still care and worry about you a lot.

Please don't think about saying a lot.

I don't want to come bet ween happiness now, it's not just about what I want is it?
I must carry to accept whatever the future holds.

I must be happy with the life I have got.

Deep down the memories of you are not forgotten. 26.2.2000 
Love's young dream.

I will kiss you until we get together.

It's time to have time apart.

We will miss one another when we leave.

When I see you again I will be happy again. Late 20th - Early 21st century.


Hoping to move on.

>Hope is a wishful thinking word.

Thinking can be very hard to do these days.

No jobs and no college courses until September.

It seems ages now wait for exam results but it won't be long now I hope.

Why do people go from education when jobs are so hard to find?

Where's the light at the end of the tunnel?

There just does not seem to be any spaces for any jobs mainly with a lot of companies closing down. Late 20th century onwards. 
The love of my life.

I know we need some time apart, I am trying to sort things out so I can give you some space.

The last thing I want is to lose you again.

I want to be able to miss you so I can put my arms around you when I do see you.

I want to be able to earn a bit more money in my pocket so I can give you space but finding work is hard.

College is off for the summer until September.

May be I am still living in those old fashioned ways waiting to see how the man I love feels about me.

I wonder if we will still love one another in twenty years time.

Will you still be mine? 2001 onwards. 
It has not been easy.

Even though we slit up and fall out so often we love one another.

So many times I have cried over you.

We have so many wishes not hurting one another like we have done.

The loving nights we have had all these years together.

Why can't we bring them back.

You may not think so but my love gets strong all the time for you.

How we manage to love and hurt one another I don't know. 2001 onwards.


What does valentines day mean to me?

When it rains there's no love for me.

When sun is out I feel as if love is about.

When there is rain then there is sun love is on then it is off.

This is how feel on valentines day. Late 20th century onwards. 


I wish I had not.

Why do I say things that I don't mean?

How much I wish I had not said what I said to you last night.

Why did I say I wanted a man to treat me bad?

May be there's no looking back on what I say to you.

I will be lucky if you forgive me.

I don't blame you if you tell me it's too late.

I should have shown my love for you.

I'm very lucky if I can show how I feel about you. Late 20th century onwards. 

• WThe next day.
  
  I can't remember whether I drank or not.
  
  I must have said a lot of bad things to you last night, I'm so sorry about that.
  
  I wish last night had not have happened but it did.
  
  I wish we could stop hurting one another so much as we love one another so much.
  
  I never know or not whether you are in the mood for love.
  
  I am frightened in case you feel I am doing what you don't want.
  
  Whatever mood your in, I know your tired when you finish work. 2001 onwards.
  
  Sometimes it's hard to forgive.
  
  Even when you love someone it can be hard to forgive.
  
  It can even be hard to not to forgive.
  
  Sometimes it can be hard to love a person again.
  
  Some people forgive others don't.
  
  Some people feel love for others, others don't.
  
  Now I just have a set friends which is good. 2001 onwards.
  
  I forgive you.
  
  I forgive you what you did to me years ago.
  
  Goodness knows why I do!
  
  I forgive you because I love you.
  
  May be I have forgiven but I have not forgotten.
  
  May be I was partly to blame too, I may have driven you away.
  
  I am trying hard to change so are you. 2001 onwards. 

Never fall in love.


Never fall in love, once you get into love it's hard to get out of it's like a drug.

Love can also be hard to want to get out of.

I have loved so many times, you'd think I'd understand it but I don't.

When I was younger I thought I understood love: I thought I knew all but I did not.

Happiness starts then sadness ends until you love the same person again or someone new.

Love is a never ending story, the same feelings but different reasons for those feelings.

Very few people last forever.

Relationship break ups can cause depression and even loneliness.

Once that depression kicks it's hard to beat it.

Love is a strange that we can't live with or without. Late 20th century onwards.


I love poetry.

I love poetry it helps me get things out of my head.

I tend to feel a bit bad because poetry is not a lot of people's cup of tea, well it's poetree.

It's hard to keep people interested because you can't help what goes on inside your head.

Poetry is my way of saying I feel good and bad about things.

I love you poetry you help me get by but bet ween do we interest our readers? Late 20th century onwards. 

My writing helps my relationship.

My writing helps my relationship, gives me time to think alone.

All it takes is putting pen to paper and typing it on computer.

I write about more than just relationships.

I need a little job to earn enough money to save up for publishers. Late 20th century onwards.

My only love.

You may think I don't love you but your wrong.

You know how I feel about you as well as I do.

I have known twelve years too long to not love you.

What am I doing in your life if I don't love you?

Why do you let me in if you don't love me?

We are both pains in the backside in our own ways.

There are times when we get one another down but no one's eyes compares with yours.

If I could put more into this relationship I would.

There's so many things I find hard to explain. 2005 to 2006. 

Why do we complain?

No money and no job.

To make more friends.

Never mind who knows what the future brings?

Why do we complain?

When we could have been born into a world of no food on the table and no education.

We could have been born into dirty places in many cases no places at all.

Rubbish left in bins.

Everyone has to live life we can't always avoid it no matter what happens.Late 20th century onwards. 

I'm frightened to love but frightened of losing love.I am so frightened to love again.

I have had so many guys that have messed up my head.

I will be brave one day to love again, your the only man that makes me feel love again.

I have always had hope at the back of my mind that you will mine.

I can't help the way I feel about you, I think I am falling towards you.

Please don't play on the way I feel about you because I have had too guys who have done that before.

Please don't treat me like a bouncing ball because I am human like you!

I know I am not wonder woman but I will do anything I can for you.

Can we please slow this relationship down?

We have only known one another five minutes.
With any luck we might make it. 1997 - 2000

I wish love was forever.

I wish love was forever on earth and in heaven.

I was so wrong to think love is forever.

I was so wrong to wish love is forever.

I must be strong enough to accept that love is not forever. 1997

Will you stay with me?Will you stay with me, then everything is mine and yours to share?

Please stay with me, I love you more than just a true friend!

All my life I have been going round in circles.

Men have driven me round the bend.

I need someone to stay with me until the end.

Please don't cheat on me like many of the others, I have had enough!

He was such a loser going off with another woman.

He's off his head, what earth does he see in her?

Please don't rush into a relationship with me?

So many men have played with my feelings. 1997 - 2000

My worries are over.My worries are over!

What am I thinking about?

I am now with you, only you I have to think about.

Stress from my ex lovers I have got my anger out.

No more talking about my ex lovers.

Just say hello and good bye when they walk passed.

I will close the door on bad rubbish.

I have no worries no more. 22.8.2000


The way of love.You can change your mind as many times as you change your socks.

You have given me so much love yet so much hate.

It would nice to have someone who loves me for me, not someone who messes my head with dirt and rubbish.

Now I should move on and see what's round the condor from me. 1997

Love has been blind.Love has been blind too many times.

Many times for me, love has been thrown in the bin.

I thought you were the man of dreams.

You don't love me as I thought you did.

I thought I was lucky enough to have a love like you but I was so wrong. 1997

Where are you going Nan?I hope you are going to a peaceful place Nan.

You may even see the Fairlie's.

I remember Uncle Chris telling me that great Gran had gone to live with Jesus when I was little, I really believed that Jesus' house was on earth.

I remember wondering why no one would take me to see great gran.

As the years had gone by, I learned that she had gone for life.

Now life is too short to waist but it will be too long to be without you. 2007

Life.Life can be full of beauty and love.

We must live for the stars above.

Flowers, romance and love.

The night can be dark but the day can be, that is the ups and downs of love.

Here comes the morning light when things are going good.

Here is the dark nights when things go bad.

We see beauty of flowers by the sunlight.

The love of a bright red rose that becomes far too close.

To forget lost love forever more is not always easy to do.

The law of love and beauty.

Now I won't love again as I can't love you. 1997.

To want happiest is to get happiest.

Happiest starts to want inside your mind.

When happiest comes it does not always last, make the most of that.

Sadness does not last either.

There are so many changes in life from happy to sad. 1997.


Poems for the year 1998.In 1998 to love with faith.

To started a career after love falling into a garden gate.

To love someone who loves me for me.

To make more friends.

To move on.

To enjoy life and stay forever young.

To be strong to ups and downs. 1997 - 1998.

Up to date poem.Mobile phones

Text messages

Missed calls

Computers

Download

Save to disc

and so the list goes on.

This is what you call 21st century English.

This is the way it must be, goodness knows in future centuries what we won't see. 2007.


May be we are strange.May be we are strange people living in a strange country, full stop.

We can't help the way we are or can we?

We have very strange weather, rain and shine in five minutes time.

We are the weather that can't make up it's mind.

Now you can't make up your mind.

May be I am as bad, what are we like?

STRANGE!

That does me to say that I am confused only because you are but you are confusing me. 2007.

The text message.Why am I hoping that everything is alright between us when it's not?

Why am I bothering with you?

Why don't you like me, saying I love you in a text message?

Why do you act strange are you up to something?

Why are you sending and getting texts every five minutes?

Why do I feel this way about you?

Why can't I just walk out on you what you are putting me through?

Do you want me to feel this way about you?

All I know is that I am so foolish still being in love with you.

I don't know why I love you but I do.

Don't you love me anymore?

Just tell me if you don't love me anymore!

Don't mess me around in and out of a text message!

It most likely cost too much to say you love me in a text but you send enough texts out and get many back in a short amount of time.

Oh I am sorry I have said the wrong thing yet again.

There's no pleasing in you, is there?

You know I love you so much, them you play on it.

I have a good mine to send this poem to you in a text but I don't want to encourage us to fall out again.

Sometimes you can be such hard work but as mad as it sounds I still love you. September 2007 - May 2009

What will be will be.Don't ask or hope for anything.

Just stay put.

Don't think about what to do or what not to do.

What happens happens.
Come on you have known him long enough.

Don't be surprised or shocked about anything or anybody.

Why don't you get out before it's too late?

Long love is too much of a drug.

Why stay where you are if you are not loved and wanted?

It's not easy to be strong enough when you have been there too long.

Come on you must be strong. September 2007 - May 2009

We parted over a misunderstanding.You must have known how I felt that cold Saturday September evening, when my family dug my Nans ashes to the ground.

Thank you very much for your support, you dumped me and I thought you loved me but I was wrong.

You must have known I was not thinking straight when I said what I said.

You must have know I did not mean what I said.

I know you will never forgive me for what I said.

You must have known that I did not mean to hurt you when I was upset myself.

You must have known very well that I still love you.

In your eyes there's no going back on what I said it's too late for everything.

What not look forward rather than going back, start a fresh.

Why do you have to be so sad?

Like I said to you I must accept what you want, it should not come as any shock or surprise to me. September 2007 - May 2009

Long time love.Me and you will now be without one another.

Three years ago we fell apart.

No other man could have been for me but you, how wrong was I to think so?

Your smiles when his face goes red.

Your laughs like the bright yellow sun.

Your brown eyes gives me so much surprise.

What you don't see to begin with you don't know.

After a time you find out that love is blind.

You did not turn out to be the man I was hoping for.

You hurt me so much.

I still love you but you'd hurt me again if I go back to you.

I don't know why I love you so much.

I only wish I knew why I do. 27.5.99


A friend in need is a friend indeed.If you are help a friend, they should help you in return.

If a friend helps you in return, which you are a friend in need.

To one another you are both friends indeed.

For helping one another as true friends indeed. 20.8.99

Loving friendship.A friendships can be loving.

You can still have loving thoughts without been lovers.

Yo can just go with the flow.

Except the excepted and the unexpected.

What will be will be.

If it's not to be it won't be.

Keep in touch with one another but don't make plans about the future.

See each other when you see each other.

Keep your loving friend like that it has more chance of lasting.

A loving friendship may well help you forget the past.

A loving friendship may or may not help you love one day more than just good friends.

Just friendship does not mean that they don't love.

Having a the opposite who is a true friends to you.

He or she will take care of you.

He or she will share with you.

He or she will talk to you.

He or she will be fair to you.

In return you must do the same for them too. 20.8.99

I don't have to be in love with you to love you.I don't have to love you because you are a man.

I can love you as a friend.

You don't have to to love me because I am a woman.

You can love me as a friend.

What don't you accept that?

I may well still love you but as a friend.

I am trying not to love you too strong.

You were my longest lover ever, why is it too hard for me to accept it?

For you I know I must accept that you don't love me. 27.5.99

I miss you.I miss you because you were and still are my hero.

I miss you because you cared about me and wonder if you still do.

You have always been in my dreams.

You have always been in my heart.

I have always had a lot of love for you.

You have always been my dream lover and you still are.

I fell in love with someone else who really broke my heart.


I would like to forget you as you wanted to forget me, which is very hard when I am still in love with you.

Your always in my thoughts in day and dreams at night. 12 .10.99


I wonder if you regret.

Did you know how much you hurt me when you finished with me?

Did you know how much I loved you?

It took me long enough to get over two and a half years.

I don't know why I feel the same even now.

You went a head without thinking about my feelings towards you.

Still it's not all about me. 22.10.99

In my life.I have cried many tears and many black eyes from sleepless nights and stress over you.

In my life my eyes have cried.

One I can say is I have never cried in my life as much as I have cried over you.

Now can you see how much I love you? 29.12.99


Please don't change the man I thought I knew.Please don't change the man I love.

If you have please bring him back how he used to be.

I still love him but what's the point I don't think there's any going back now?

Please stay the same whether you love me or not because I still love. 29.12.99


Are you happy?Are you happy with what you have got what do you want in life?

Are you feeling unhappy with her and wishing that you never hurt me?

How do you know whether I'd take you back or not, when I don't really know myself?

I was thinking about a loving friendship then seeing how it goes from there.

I may not bother taking you back at all.

You have only got yourself to blame with what you put me through, leaving me for her. 23.10.99

I will never get him back.I must accept that I will never get him back.

I must have been dreaming that I was with him at all.

Was he a real person and was he really human?

Did love really happen bet ween me and him?

I used to keep on listening to him knocking at my door.

One day I knew he was never going to come back at all.

The last three years I have coped with such pain.

I don't know him and I don't his name anymore and I don't think I ever did.

He was never there, he was just inside my head.

He was just a person in my dreams and who I loved so much.

He was the man who said he's not normal.

In the end my dreams just turned into nightmares and pain.

Sadly I still miss but was he really there in my life in the first place or am I just going completely mad? 1999 -2000

I love the wrong man.I love the wrong man, I don't think he is for me.

I am far too good for him but he's far too bad for me.

When you love that person you give them too many chances in life.

I must be mad to do so, he's hurting me so much but love is keeping me there.

No love is not keeping me anywhere anymore, if this can't get sorted I have had enough.

The only thing that weakens me is love.

More pain I have the stronger I get but I can't take anymore.

More pain that is given you love turns to hate. 23.1.2000

I think I am having a breakdown.I think I am having a breakdown I can feel someone pushing me over the edge.

Oh God help me!

There's no light at the end of the tunnel.

I am cracking up and I don't know where to turn.

I feel weak and useless for any man at tall.

I don't know where to go for help.

Why is my head telling me I am going to have a breakdown?

I can't see what's a head of me.


Is there a voice in my head telling me right or wrong?

God help me, I think I am going to die!
Can't eat!
Can't sleep!
I feel weak.

I've been down this road before, I will fight it, I will cope again.

I should not go through it again.

I have had a lot of bad luck with lots of men, I am still young and strong.

I am not getting any young but life is a fight.

Please tell me what hope there is? 21.2.2000

I miss you.I miss you because you were my first serious lover.

I miss you because we both loved and cared about one another.

You are always in my dreams and thought.

You have always been my dream lover but I must accept that I will never get you back.
There's still a lot of love inside my heart for you.

I don't think I will ever stop loving you but you broke my heart in two when you fell in love with her.

I would like to forget you but that's impossible to do.

I am so sorry I find it so hard to move on.

All the time you are always on my mind day and night.

I am not complaining about romance that does not matter.

I just want the chance of having the man I love which is you back.

You don't have to buy me anything, you just have to give me back your love. 6.10.1999 - 20.5.2006

My male friend.I still love you with all my heart.
When you left me my life became hard.
My loving feelings will be here for you for life, however you feel about me.

You are my best caring male friend.
I mean every word I say my dear.
I still care and worry about you a lot.
If you don't feel the same way I will accept that.
I don't want to come bet ween your happiness.
I must carry on accepting whatever happens in the future.
I must be happy with my life.
Deep down the memory of you is not forgotten by me. 26.2.2000

My sweet male love.To my handsome sweet male love, I love you so much.
Your eyes are like stars that shine in the sky.
My heart is so full of love.
Your heart is full of passion and love.
Lay your head upon my breast, then you may sleep on my chest.
I will love you at my best. Late 20th century to early 21st century.

 dream of sunshine.I dream of sunshine with wild red roses to brighten up my life.
My love life seems such a dream if you see what I mean.
On the whole men have been very mean to me.
Many times my heart has broken.
My lover's lips are red enough for me.
My lover's looks are handsome enough.
My lover has lovely bright blond hair.
My lover's love is very strong.
He can be such a nightmare when he drinks himself almost to death.
Antonio was not the man for me. Late 20th century to early 21st century. 

I love your smile.You smile runs out a mile.
Those lovely blue eyes smile a mile.
You really do make me feel as if you are mine.
Let's hope happiness is yours and mine until the end of time.
Please never forget that you are the love of my life. Late 20th to early 21st century


You gave me pain.You were not the first to make my heart ache and break.
I hope you will be the last to make my ache and break.
Nothing in this world will make me feel the same now.
Even now I still can't sleep.
Even now I still can't eat.
I need to keep my mind busy to stop myself thinking about you.
I still drink more and eat less. 20th to 21st century

Hot and cold Britain.Why can't the weather make up it's mind?
One minute it's cold the next minute it's hot.
The answer to that we just want the weather to be warm.
(Why?) warm weather makes us feel good.
What we wear?
We don't know until we get outside.
We lead such rushing lives.
We haven't forgotten the times when we knew what to wear.
Sometimes you have not got time to rush home to get a a jumper if your wearing tee shirt.
You either roast or freeze. 2000 onwards.

Beautiful.Green mountains on hot summer's day in Wales.
Bright yellow sunshine and deep blue sky.
Flowers everywhere to be seen. 2000 onwards.

You left me very lonely.You left me very lonely.
You left me very sad.
No matter what you put me through I still love you very much.
People say I am sad and mad to ever want you back but I don't care about that.
Why can't people see it was not all your fault it was my fault too?
The relationship we had was not anything to do with them.
I am all for giving you another chance because I love you so much if want me too.
I would like to start it off as loving friendships, then we could see whether it's worth getting back together or not. 2.1.2000

If you keep me, you won't get hurt anymore, I really do promise you. 

Please try to worry in case I hurt because I won't.
I understand getting to know someone new is hard to do.
I know at this early stage that we are protecting ourselves and each other.
We are learning how to trust one another.
I know that I feel very sure that I can trust you and I think you can trust me too.
Only one day at a time will tell us about one another.
You are not trapped by me, I am not trapped by you.
I don't own you and you don't own me.
Just be careful in life, that's all I say. 26.5.2000

When I am alone with you.When I am alone with you, I really feel as if I belong to you.
When I phone you I still feel as if we are together.
It's a lovely feeling bet ween us even if we don't see a lot of one another.
The lovely feeling of been held and kissed.
You are the only person that has ever made me feel right.
When I don't see you every night feels like a lonely night.
I miss you all the while but it all seems very much worth while.
Times goes slowly when I am waiting to see and speak to you.
When the moments come it all seems right and nice.
At night I always wish I could be with you because I love you so much.
In the day time I miss you so much.
Your job makes us miss one another so much.
I respect and think about you so much.
I can't stop thinking about you so much.
I wish I was in the love of your arms.
I wish you were holding me tight.
I wish you were kissing my lips, which feels just right. 26.5.2000

Lover boy.


We have been together on and off since Monday 16th May 1994, it was a very cold and rainy day.
He's my lover and best friend right to the end.
We met in a bar, we never thought it would get very far.
After two and a half years he broke my heart.
For four years we were apart.
It gave me so many tears over those years.
In time I thought I'd stop loving him but my feelings of love came such a bug, if only I could.

One day we fell back in love, we never thought we could or would.
It was just one love life story book.
If I write, you must take a look.

I hope he won't hurt me again, otherwise I will have to leave him even if I do still love him to get over him.
That would be the end of a lover but he may be still be my best friend. 2003 - 2004

I know it's all over.There's no such thing as the last kiss.
You did not seem to care whether I went or not.
You did not seem to care whether you never saw me again or not.
If only I did not care or loved you either.
You never let me know whether you were happy or sad to see me again.
Are you human, are you real or have I been having a strange dream all these years?
I just don't know why I am bothering coming back as there is nothing there for me.

I did not want to go or stay.
You don't love me so why am I here?
It does not feel that way.
Why am I hanging around where I am not wanted?

You are just a hard habit to break.
The worse thing is that you are unsure how you feel.
That does not help my feelings at all.
You have not done yourself any favors.
You have lied to yourself and to me.
Why do you have to leave to me to find out what's going through your mind?
How can I help I am not a mind reader?

Without yourself knowing it, you have hurt the one you love yet again.
Oh I forgot you don't know whether you love me or not.
It's hard to say what you want because you either won't tell me or you give me difference answers.
It does not make it very easy for me to know whether I should stay or go.
My mind tells me that leaving you is the right thing to do but my heart is saying no.

If you feel the same as I do, please send me a letter, text or a call.
Please ask people we know in pubs if they have seen me.
Don't know why I bothered saying that, I have had enough of been messed round.
I am leaving you one day when I feel strong enough to.
Don't rush into thinking about it too hard Ant it may take forever.

There are plenty more fish in the sea, I just hope the next one knows what he wants in life.
I will get away from this confused man one day, I hope will find someone someday who knows his own mind.
Ant if you don't know what you want after nearly fourteen years, you never will.
Who knows I may never bother with men again but I know I will. Jan08 - Feb 09

First serious love.It feels as if no one will ever replace you but I don't want someone to replace you.
I want someone who loves me for me, which is more than I can say for you.
I want someone who knows what he wants in life.
You have known me fifteen yrs on and off but you don't know whether you love me or not.
It sounds as if you don't know what love is, I thought I may be have shown you that by now.
Yet you have had girlfriends before me, what a strange man you are.

You should know how I feel about you by now.
Even after all these years, you do not really understand how much you really mean to me.
You never now tell me whether you feel the same way towards me or not.
Did you ever love me?
You either loved me as much as you could or not at all.
I think I have wasted fifteen yrs loving a man who never loved me.
Your feelings turn on and off like a light.
I don't know why I still feel the same as I did when I first met you.
Come on Ant, that was a long time ago, if you don't know I am serious about you now, you never will.

I am so sorry that I can't stop loving you but I also understand how you feel too but then you don't know how you feel or what you want.
I wish I could help but I can't someone who does not know what they want themselves.

I wish you did not change your feelings every five minutes, now stop playing with my feelings!
You know very well how I feel about you so you mess me around more.
The way things are I know one day I won't feel the same as I do today.
I will get away from you to make sure that I don't feel the same as I do today anymore.
It's no good changing how you feel then because it could be too late for you.
The more I love you and see you, the more you hurt me.
May be I am wrong but it feels as if you don't have the same feelings as me anymore.
I only wish I did not feel for you this way. 14.2.09

I must be mad.Fifteen years now I have loved you for, despite the pain we have been through together.
In time we have become just friends and lovers on and off.
In that time I have written pages and pages of poetry about you, I have even written about you in my diaries.
No matter what happens I will always love you.
No matter what happens despite the way you feel about me, even though it's not the answer I want to hear. 14.2.2009

Valentines day without love.You feel alone in the world when you see couples walking down the street and holding hands.
You feel alone the world when you see people with presents and cards.
Why am I bothered?
Valentines day is waste of time and money mostly when the one you love does not love you anymore.
I write him a poetry, a waste of pen and ink but I still write them.

Sara just get on with life but it's even worse when valentine's day just hits you in the face. 14.2.2009

I have been such a fool.Whatever kind person you are I have loved you for fifteen years.
I still feel the same to this day but I very soon hope that those feelings will go away.
I can accept friendship but the more I see you the more I love you, you hurt me more because I know you don't feel the same way.
Sometimes you pretend to love me to keep me happy then you tell me you don't to make me sad.

May be you do know what you want but you play me around to hurt me.
As for you, you don't know how you feel towards me so how am I to know?
This is two possible guesses, if only I was a mind reader.
We have been through so many ups and downs together over the years but somehow I am still here for you even though we are just friends.

I have wasted so much time crying, days thinking about you and losing sleep over you.
The headaches and heartaches are just too much, I can't say I know when but I think I will go one day, I have had enough.

I don't know why I hang around anymore, it feels as if you don't feel the same way anymore.
May be you did not feel the way I thought you did.
I must be a complete fool, I am so in love with you it hurts.
I have tried so hard to love others but it did not work.
Many people have thought I had been a fool to put up with you all these years, may be they are right.

I don't know what else to do if I am not wanted in your life anymore.
May be one day I will be strong enough walk away from you like you walked away from me. Jan 08 - Feb 09

There's a light at the end of the tunnel.You may not think life is not living.
You feel blank.
You feel empty.
Your in a world of your own.
One day you feel life is a head of you, the next day you don't.
That's what happened to me.
Wait and see, it takes it's own time, it will happen to you.
You may not think you have a future.
It all seems dark as long as it seems dark but if there's anything I have learned once you get to the end of the tunnel there's a bright light.
You have Education, work and social life to think about. 2000 onwards

I love you.I hope you like flowers.
Trying to cry is hard but then you may not want me to cry.
If I cry, it will be hard to control because my tears won't stop.

I will always love you, you will be in my thoughts and dreams but with no memories. 1.6.2004

Love can be dangerous.What kind of person am I?
Do you like the person I?
Is it fair to say I love the two of you?
Oh love can be so dangerous I don't know what to do.
I don't want to be dangerous I just want to love one of you.

I find it hard to win because I don't want to hurt any of you.
Whatever I do I feel as if I am hurting someone.
What does it matter chose one or no one at all.
Be friends with the other.
My feelings are hard to control and I am knocking my head on brick walls.
Oh love can be dangerous games to play.

I am not the woman I used to be or the woman I would like to be.
I intend to be faithful that's why I can't cope when I have strong feelings for two people.
I never thought my feelings would make life so hard.
I hate putting myself in the wrong, when life puts on the hard spot.
Love can be a dangerous game to play.

I either have too much choice or no choice at all.
It's a good job I only have the choice of two of you but that's hard enough to make that choose. 1.6.2004

Love can be dangerous.What kind of person am I?
Do you like the person I?
Is it fair to say I love the two of you?
Oh love can be so dangerous I don't know what to do.
I don't want to be dangerous I just want to love one of you.

I find it hard to win because I don't want to hurt any of you.
Whatever I do I feel as if I am hurting someone.
What does it matter chose one or no one at all.
Be friends with the other.
My feelings are hard to control and I am knocking my head on brick walls.
Oh love can be dangerous games to play.

I am not the woman I used to be or the woman I would like to be.
I intend to be faithful that's why I can't cope when I have strong feelings for two people.
I never thought my feelings would make life so hard.
I hate putting myself in the wrong, when life puts on the hard spot.
Love can be a dangerous game to play.

I either have too much choice or no choice at all.
It's a good job I only have the choice of two of you but that's hard enough to make that choose. 1.6.2004

I never felt the same without you.Walking around the town getting bored out of my head.
I used to think to go to pubs getting drunk out my head, I could not even stand on my own two feet I was that drunk, you broke my heart so much.

I told your Mum that I would have stop coming down, it was hard facing you in the same room knowing that you did not love me anymore and that you were with her.
your Mum told me to take no notice of you even though you were biting my head off. I could not stand anymore but.
If it had not been for your Mum telling me not to stop coming you won't have seen me again let a lone get back together.
As much as I like your Mum, has her advice made me a stronger person or not?
I know she likes me but I know we are always going be on and off until things go bang!

Your Mum told me not to let you get to me, even though you were biting my head off.
At the time I was going out of my mind I could not stand to be alive.
I think I had a very bad break down, you having gone off with her hurt me so much.

I must be mad to have you back but I love you so much.
I should not go back to you really but I love you too much not to.
Slowly I knew you will hurt me and break my heart again.

Me and your family tried to tell you, you going with her was a big mistake but you knew it all, you would not listen.

When you saw me, you had no interest in me what so ever.
When I walked out of your Mum's door I felt so small.
Now you love me again, I hope the pain has gone forever and for good.
Keep hold of me, there may come a day I may not love you anymore, I may not feel the same towards you as I do now, it's only love that has bought me back to you!
What goes around comes around, I treat you like you treat me. 26.5.2002

Stronger love.I can trust that you won't hurt me again.
Our love is stronger whatever goes on.
I don't enjoy having epilepsy, it make it hard for me to lead my life but I mange somehow.
I don't let my condition put a hold on my life.
My condition may have bought us close together but then I hope it does not slit us apart.
I don't want to lose you again.
At the end of the day we always get on great.
Your my best friend as well as my lover.
My darling let's work hard at this after we have both been through already.
We will get through the good and bad together.26.5.2002

Trying to control feelings.

It's so hard to close door once you have loved someone for so long.
Why did I let it go too far?
Why did I hold onto you so tight, now I find it so hard to let go?
Why do I still love you after what you put me through?
Take my advice people; try not to full in love too deep, you can't get out once you get in.
If you let it like I did, love can be a habit and a drug as Bryan Ferry sang in one of his songs.
Well I should say don't fall in love too easy!
If only I knew what makes me feel strongly in love with you.
Why do I still feel this strongly in love with you?
I only wish I knew.
If only I knew 15 yrs ago what I know now.
Don't give too many chances because it gets harder as time goes on!
We must have hurt one another a thousand times but you have seemed to have stopped loving me but why haven't I stopped loving you?
If only I listened to people.

What am I on about? I still haven't learned.
I've been so soft and I am still soft today, I wonder if I will change at 40 which are not far away, scary ah?

Never let love take over your life, I wish I never did.
Please people don't make the same mistake as me!
I will need friendship to get to know someone before I love again.
After knowing the same guy for fifteen yrs, getting to know someone new will taksome getting used to that's if that ever happens again.

Is my life over if it does not happen before 40? No my life has not ended.
Does life begin at the 40?
The answer, I will tell you when I get to 40 which are only in roughly 6 to 8 mouths time.
Positive thinking it's never too late for anything.
My life won't be over but it might begin.
My relationship may have ended but I think my career only began 2 yrs ago.
Never say never, it may be a long time happening but I believe it will happen.
My career took long enough.
Make the most of life because it's too short living but forever dead. 2009

IT'S NOT EASY.

It's not easy for a woman to tell a man how she really feels for him, when she really loves him, mainly when they have been lovers then friends for too many years.
I have known you far too long that it’s feels as my heart belong to you, even though we are just friends.
I have tried so hard to move on, change my life and love someone else but my feelings for you are far too strong.
It would seem so unfair to try and love someone else now, when I am so in love with you.
I am still trying hard to live a life of my own in hopes one day I will finely comes terms with how you feel instead of just me.( Like Speed Dating for eg. )
I don't find it easy to walk away from you and not come back; you know I have tried that before.
I'm totally and utterly crazy about you.
I love you so much don't you ever forget it!
I don't have to say anything else do I?
I have tried so hard to stop loving you but I am so sorry I haven't succeeded in changing my feelings for you.
I'm sorry I don't know how to let my love go for you. 2009

LOST LOVE.

There's nothing you can do when you lose the person you love.
All you can do is learn to move on and meet a new love.
When long love is lost it's hard to move on.
No matter how hard it is you must move on.
When short love can come before you look.
It is so important to be loved.
Love can't be made, unless you make it.
When love goes down the drain, it can't always be saved.
For goodness sake you must be brave enough to love again.
Love can cause you so much anger, hurt and pain.
Sometimes it's hard to love again.

Sometimes it's hard to live without love and be lonely.
Without love in many ways, life isn't the same. 1997 – 2000

A man I thought I loved and lost.

There was once a lad I thought I had.
He was so charming at the time I thought he was the man.
He was such a bad lad, I must have been mad.
In the end he made me so sad.
When he was not in my life anymore I was gland.
He was such a Jack the lad, he went after so many girls with so many curls.
He put his untrue charm that didn't get him very far.
He lied to me; he told me he had a flash car that also didn't get him very far.
His name was Preen, who pretended to been keen.
He wasn't keen, he was mean.
He's a loser, who doesn't give a dam about any woman only having their money off them.

He was a con man and woman beater, user and abuser.
We talk about the man, gentleman and mouse, Preen wasn't either of them Preen was an evil rat!
He would sleep with girls, frightened them and give them fear of other men.
He would talk about their private life; he would break other relationships with a knife.
He gave me so much fear for many years in the relationship I had after, I am only just starting to trust now.

I was on my own for six mouths after me and Preen finished, I never thought I'd love again.
I regret ever knowing him let a lone going with him.

My next lover was alright but even though I loved him I had a job to trust him which drove him to another woman in the end.
I said to myself for a long time to be friends with someone and see how it goes.
I want someone who will get me over my fright and fear after all those years.
Did you get me through this dear?
No you didn't I got over it myself somehow.
I want someone who understands my problems, someone who has been there himself.
Now I have long come terms with what Steven Preen put me through but it took good many years to get over that.
He once loved me no he didn't it was a silly nightmare of mine.
I wanted someone who cared about me and who could help me come out of my problems.
My partner after Steven coped with it for a while then he could not stand anymore and then he came back to then now it's clashed for good. Written 1997 - 2009.

Marriage.
Marriage should full of love and support.
Nine out of ten marriages end in divorce.
Marriage should be full of happiness and joy.
Marriages should be full of laughs not cry.
Marriages should be full of a girl and a boy.
We must accept love and marriage is not a bed of roses.
If it was perfect it would be boring.
Like all walks of life, marriage is either a success or it is not. Written 1997

I put my head in the sand.
No one seems to agree with my way of thinking when it comes to love so now my head is in the sand and my thoughts are kept to myself.
My head is in between hands I may not make the right choices in my life.
There seems to be no where forward than feeling as if I am sitting inside a train as it's driving through a dark tunnel that has not got to the light, it seems to go on forever.
There must be an end a dark tunnel somewhere.
Turn on the light please or is there no light?
I am scared of the present and the future.
I feel very lonely and very sad.
A lot of frights and fears are inside my mind.
Every time I tell people my thoughts it does not pleases them but it's pleases me, what pleases them does not please me, it's just time to wait and see or life is the end  for me.

I understand people are only protecting me from getting hurt but my feelings have control over me, can't they see?
How can I love without being blind?
I may as well do what I want and let people talk all they like.
One thing I feel like is living my life in sin, no man does not seem to be right for me and I do not seem to be right for them. Written 1997.

I love you dear. (That’s what they all say.) 

I love you dear.
You’re lying to me dear,
I am not like the rest of the men dear, and you don't have a thing to fear.
Oh no you can't be true to me dear; I am not that lucky every man hates me.
Don't be silly dear, you fear too much dear.
I love you dear, I don't hate you dear. Written 1997

The last time I saw the man I love.
Whether he still loves and cares about me I don't know.
Most of all I know he does not want to talk to me.
He's mind seems very twisted to me.
Surly he can't have got over me just like that.

The last time I saw the man I love he seemed so confused.
He seemed so full of guilt and hurtful pain.
He has a new love, why isn't he happy at all?
Why does he seem unhappy than what I do?
There must be many men out there as true as he used to be.
Where are these men to be?
Why can't I find the love I want for me? Autumn to winter 1996

My soft mind.
I can't believe that I believed a dream to be true.
It now seems like and a nightmare but it's the truth.
How silly I was thinking you loved me but you did not.
The fact you have gone out of my life it hurts because I still love you.
It's true that I knew you but a silly dream that you loved me.
I feelings are far too strong to forget the memories.
I find it hard to believe that I thought you were a gentleman. Written 1997.

The love he found made him blind.
The man I loved who I thought was a gentleman I loved him.
I must have been dreaming because I don't think he loved me.
He is in love with someone else now but it all must be his head, he is so blind to her like I was to him.
He could do better than her but she does not have to be me, she needs to be someone who does not make him blind to the rest of the world.
May be he could meet better than me.
May be I'd be blind to the sunshine in my eyes. 1997

Does my new love still want me?

I wrote a letter, does it make things worse or better?
What would he do if I turned up on his door step?
Will he love me more or less? End of 1997.
Is my love blind?
When I have fallen in love I have always been blind.
Being blind is always at the back of my mind.
I feel love sick yet I could be blind.
There so many emotions going through my possible blind mind.
Am I blind enough to not know that my love may die?
I hope that my love will stay alive.
I hope that he will always be mine.
No matter many years I have loved I have always been blind. Written end of 1997.

Falling in love with someone new is very hard to do after having been in love with you so long.
If ever can fall in love with someone new I'd still spend the rest of my life writing romantic poetry about you whether come back to me or not.
It's hard to believe that I will love anyone more than I loved but I still do.
My voice of love if we will ever be lovers again will speak romantic words to you.
All I am saying is those romantic words from me to you; my hand is holding the pen to write these romantic words to you.
The pen is giving the paper the romantic touch to you, the words just flow off my pen.
You have broken my heart and my mind is unable to think about nothing but you.
Why do I love you so much as you hurt me so much?
Yes I know what you said, “Sara love someone else, and you can do better than me."
Yes you’re right what you said but the way you hurt me, my feelings won't let me.
May be I will become stronger one day you will see. Written late 1996 to mid 1997.

Love.
Love can be bitter, love can be sweet, and love is a feeling of one or the other.
Love can change in many ways day after day.
Love can be blind, love can be unkind.
Love can be a memory to remember but sometimes love will never be the same again.
When history love has gone it is time to move although some lovers love again.
Make the most of happiness while it is still here it may not last forever.
Before you know it happiness goes quicker than what you think but it could stay long than what you think or forever.
Nothing always happens the way you want so make the best of what you have got that you do enjoy.
Dreams can be wishful thinking.
Do be thy brave let's love again not to be left out of love in any way.

When I lost my longest love, my heart was lying broken and still. 1997 - 1998 

I am so deeply in love with you.One love is like a wild rose.
You keep me warm when the wind blows cold.
There is a happy song in my heart; my heart is full of love for you.

I am a lassie who loves her dear laddie.
I hope that you will always be faithful to me my dear laddie.
I am so deeply in love with you, it feels so true.
I can not believe that I have had so many loves that have been untrue; I hope you are not like them.
I will always love you my dear.

I will love you forever until the day I die.
When we have both died our love is close together in heaven just the same as we are alive.
I want to be with you by the deep blue sea, until the sea turns gray and dry.
As love goes on see the sunshine on the deep blue sea.
As we hold hands on the yellow happy sand, I will make you feel more than a man. 1997 – 1998

The past.
The past was yesterday, it was a nightmare it did not happen.
Here is today we must be positive about what could happen today.
Yesterday was a bad day we were not thinking straight or should we were dreaming that it was a bad day, let's put it behind!
We must learn to think of good things not bad.
Think of the bad things as nightmares.
We must accept the bad but bring in the good.
Dream happy thoughts but understand that life is not all good.
Some days will be good other days will be bad.
Not everyday can be the same.
Not everyday can go to one's way.
If one waits long enough happiness may well be on its way.
Happiness comes along that you may not have thought of wanting it could make you happy all the same. 21.8.1999

My life without you.
I think about you when I am in my flat.
I go out at night alone wishing you were with me.
I feel so happy to hear your voice on the telephone.
When I think about you I try not to cry, I don't cry.
I think, wait looking forward to seeing you again, we enjoy our time together.
It may well be a long time until we meet again but however long I will wait.
It comes to those who wait. 5.8.2000

Forget the past.
I must learn from my mistakes that I have made in the past and forget.
I must make the most of my life as I hope I am getting wiser as I get older.
I won't be forever living but forever dead, time goes so fast.
It's believed that heaven is a difference world but that's never known.
Whether heaven is better or worse than earth we may or may not find out.
We can't say whether or not that we will come back to earth as animals.
It's hard to know whether to believe in heaven and hell or not.
My advice is to live life to the full in case where ever we go in our next is not better than earth.
It hard to believe whether or not there is any life after death.
Once we have gone we may have gone, it's hard to believe whether we are ghosts or not, we may never to be seen again.
Look forward to nice things in the future.
Forget bad things in the past but remember the good things.
Accept the bad but enjoy the good, you only live once.
You can not say for sure seeing is believing, you will never know whether you are going to see or not until your final passing.
You will also never know whether you are going to tell anyone until you get there. 5.8.2000

Love verse three.

In my dreams and in truth we have kissed each others' lips.
Now it's over bet ween us we only kiss in dreams.
In my dreams you have held me just like you used to do in your loving arms.
The one thing that's missing is the feeling of your touch.

I also miss your body close to mine.

I think about you everyday in every way.
I dream about you every night until the morning light.
When I wake up in the morning light, I notice that you are not by my side.
This is disappointing for me but such as life.
I love you with all my heart even if you will never love me again.
Now I have learned there is no matching love for me but darling in my eyes you were the best lover I ever had yet.
Before I lost you I never thought I am losing you, you will be missed by me for a long time if not forever.
Please accept that I will always miss you then I will accept that I have lost your love.

I love and miss you company very much.
You always put the bright sides into my life.
You always bought me so much happiness that I miss so much.
I have a very unhappy feeling I will never ever have your love back.
I will never ever be able to feel the touch of your tender body and kiss of your lips.

In my dreams, mind and memory you are still mine until the day I die.
Love will always be in my heart for you if you want me too.
My heart is pumping with love for you.
No matter how many loves I have after you my feelings won't be as strong for them as they are for you.
The way you feel about me is unknown to me but I will accept my life and my future to come. 21.2.2000

Two lovers come together.
When two lovers come together they live in heaven.
In heaven love lasts forever through good and bad weather.
Heaven is such a fairly tale world that's hard whether to believe or not.
Earth is the real world of facing the truth whether the truth is good or bad news for us.
There's a lot happiness and sadness for every girl, woman, boy and man. 1997 – 2000

A RYMINE EXSPECIALY FOR YOU.

The first night I saw you my mind was thinking I like you before I even spoken to you.
I am a girl that likes you for you.
I knew like me, you had been through some old moo.
How I knew I just knew
there’s only me for you, I mean it too true.
Without your advice on the things I have been through I would have put myself through even more moo boo boo.
So I hope there silly words that make no sense at all will at least thymine on paper as well as inside my mind.
Thank you for helping me with my old moo, I will do the same you if you want me too.
As your name is Andy pandy I can be your Loopy Loo.With the state of my mind I am loopy.
If you have another Loopy Loo, sorry to bother you boo boo to me too.
I would not dream of hurting you.
I will write a ton of pages to get what I am saying down on paper right for you.
I know I have a disability I am just be slow which does seem to be good to a lot people. Written 1993

We were two lovers together.
We were two lovers to together who went everywhere together.
We were together so long on and off.
Our love for one another was so strong.
Our love failed yet very little went wrong.
We may not forgive one another as lovers but we may as friends.
We hurt one another bad.
Memory of my young love in my head the happiness, sadness and sorrow.
How on earth will I face to tomorrow because the pain will still be there?
I never want hurt a man again; I must have driven him away to love another woman.
It takes a lot of bottle for me to carry living on this earth.
I can't love again, there's no way forward.
The future scars me.
There will never be another man for me.
He is not all to blame I must have done something wrong for him to go another woman.
May be I am better off not loving again in case I drive them to other. Written 1996 to 1997.

I will find a way to move on.

I will never move on as long as I stay with you.
Even though our relationship may have ended in friendship not hate but carrying on seeing one another like we have been is getting us nowhere.
I know you have nowhere to move on to but that's just your own fault.
I have been there every step of the way for you for 15 yrs now, how mad am I?
You have never seemed to know what you wanted, how mad have I been to wasting my time on you?
Now I don't have anymore time to waste on a man who does not love me anymore, perhaps you never did.
Nothing seems to be changing between us but yes I'm changing I'm moving on to another life but I don't know where.
I hope the next man in my life will know what he wants and love me for me.

After having seen you for 15yrs, it will be hard and strange being without you but I will get through.
What's the point staying with you as it seems things are not moving forward for any of us?
You never seem to believe in yourself, you say you always fail when it comes to relationships, why have I wasted 15 yrs with a person who does not believe in himself?
If you carry on saying negative things about yourself, you will go down with the negative things you do say about yourself.
You thought I was going to go down with you, how wrong are you? 2009

Walking into a dark hole.
I walked through the dark tunnel; it was like a dark hole.
I was holding my torch; it was a very dusty atmosphere.
I couldn't hardy breathe, there was hardy any air.


I walked around, I don't I could see a thing even with the torch.
I fell over tins, bottles and goodness knows what else.
Somehow I managed to get hold of a rug, then put over me and slept in a load of dirt and dust from the mines.

When I woke up an I saw a man asleep, his face was covered in cuts and goodness knows what.
I felt guilty I must have been in a deep sleep.
Some must have really beaten him.
At first he was thanking me for giving him water, and then he was in this world of heaven. 23.7.2005

I love the way!
I love the way you look at me.
I love the way you smile at me.
I love the way you laugh at me.
I love the way you listen and talk to me.
All in all, I love you in every way.
All in all, you are a very good friend to me. 15.8.1999

my dream
Walking through peace and quiet across a field on a hot summer’s day.
Every single flying and singing away.
The leaves on the trees are dark green.
Red roses in the garden are so romantic.
The company of been arm in arm with a very young gentleman I love. 26.2.2000

The writer's feelings.

Please listen to what I have to say.
I think about you every single day.
I thought you were the boy who loves me for me.
How wrong could I be?
Now I know you were my dream and nightmare.
How mad am I, your still the love of my life?
I thought I was going to become your future wife.
Sorry I regret hurting you this way but I don't regret every single day I was with you. Written in 1997.

Every girls dream and nightmare.
It's every girl's dream and nightmare to become a bride.

Not every girl is lucky to meet a man of her kind.

Not every girl meets her prince charming the love of her life.
When becoming a man's wife it can be a story of a woman's life.
The amount of years good girls have to wait to be a gentleman's wife.
Having been a gentleman's wife it is not what we think might.
Some days can be a rather unhappy site to be a man's wife.
A wife might end up blowing into her kite.
Girls would you agree that a lot of men can be mites. Written 1997 – 2000

I love you Antonio my longest lasted laddie.

I love you Antonio my longest lasted laddie.
Why did you go off with another lassie?
You know I love you so madly and sadly.
Now I will never ever have another laddie.
You broken my heart you mean Romano.
I fell in love with you so madly, gladly and sadly Antonio.
You are such a baddie but I love you.
I must be blind not to know that you'd treat me unkind.
Don't you have any love, care understanding on your mind?
I so very much wanted to be your bride so I must get that out of my mind. Written 1996 to 1997.

When you are frightened to love but frightened of being lonely without.

You are frightened of being alone but frightened to love the days and nights seem dull.
The future never seems to come because it's hard to believe that things will get better.
You are worried about getting hurt all over again which brings sadness and pain more and more.
You can feel shame, anger, guilt and happiness can be the only word that you aren't feeling at that moment.
You know that you’re not getting any younger and the future seems dull because the present is.
Trying to think about when you were happy is hard.
I can see myself just being an old maid because I can't seem to have trust in men.
Lynn you have taken all my happiness away I hope you will be happier with Antonio than I was.
Antonio you never told me your reason for going off with Lynn, I guess I was never good enough for you.

I just need to learn how to get you out of my head and get on with my life; I should not have hung around where I was not wanted.
When a relationship has ended after such a long time it becomes a big shock.
Finding the best happiness is hard to find, it could take never or a long time.
Could you be wondering
what could become in the end. Written 1997.

I think I am having a breakdown.
I think I am having a nervous break down.
I feel like cracking up, I don't know what to do or where to turn.
I can't see what a head of me is.
Something or someone is pushing me over the edge.
What or and who could it be? 1997 – 2000

I treasure only one history love I had.He is just a poor confused man who does not know what he wants in life.
He is a gentle, loving and caring gentleman.
He gave and took the best he could.
I am more grateful with what he had done for me in two and a half years.

He used to be a romantic wild red rose so now that's the best he goes.
Flowers on every birthday card he send me he chose.
He used to make me feel like the lady of his life.

I loved his smile that made my love for him worth while.
He used to be a very wise man.
He gave me so much love that I can't believe that anyone else could replace.
The love I had for him I treasure by my lonely heart.
I know life is life but I wish we were sharing love together in our hearts.

Now those days are over, my heart has to cope with happiness, laughter, joy sadness and tears.
Happy history is not forgotten to me, it's worth being alone until I can move on to love someone better, new and get rid of all the pain I am going through. Written 1997.

• Everything was always my fault and I was always in the wrong as far as he was certeined. 
• No love and attention unless he was drunk.
• None stop getting texts and texting but never around to answer mine ( Mind games.)
• One minute wanting to be in the realtionship then not.
• Not knowing whether to chose to be with me or someone else.
• Then wanting me back when I felt strong to walk away.
• Sorry' I won't do it again things will be different this time.