IT'S ALL IN ONE'S HEAD THEY SAY.
It's all my head they say when I fell over the deck, therefore not a lot can be said when I'm well fed.
I slept to rest my head in bed, I woke up at 12pm as my face went red.
She asked me if I wanted a coffee but I asked for tea instead.
Today is a grey day drawing as the rain is pouring.
Too late to hear the sound of the cuckoo.
Morning almost dark of the night as it fights the light, which is no great site to get bright. 22.9.2019
TO BE WITH YOU.
To be with you over the hills and dales and far away for the rest of our days.
Our love will be fire, not even water will wash us away.
Now I'm over the hill, wake from nightmares, yet into dreams that are real but so hard to believe.
Therefore I know you will be worth the wait, I've been waiting for you all my life, which is now so real. 22. 9 2019
IT WAS A LONG NIGHTMARE, HE'S NOT REAL HE NEVER WAS.
I must have been feeling the pain that wasn't there, he was just in my head so he can't, it was all in the head.
Can't believe I almost drank myself to death to a point I was almost num but the pain was still there.
Now I feel nothing for him to a point I think he's real or ever was.
I'm still alive to write the tale and what a tale it was, therefore, he hasn't killed me or hurt me because he never was, it was all in my mind.
I forgot it, I just had a long nightmare and woke up to a lot better world.
I've spent years writing a line like been naughty in school, to tell myself time and time again I only dreamt what I was going on in order to move on even though it was real but I needed to believe it's real to move forward. 22. 9 2019
DON'T TELL ANYONE.
Don't tell anyone it goes away.
Don't tell anyone to get over it.
Don't tell anyone to move on.
It either stays with them or it doesn't.
If the feeling goes it goes in its own time.
Anyone whose goes though it wishes it goes away, they try in every way.
Some of us are lucky than others but even those who are lucky won't forget what it felt like.
It's not an easy road to go through to find in the end it's just in our head but then it's not because it's so real we've been there.
There is not a nice place to be, there is an unhappy feeling inside of me, which makes me feel silly if I'm lucky to come out of it and yet those who have and are facing it only know.
Don't us you know if you haven't face it.
He wasn't anyone to be, it and he was my imagination. 22. 9. 2019
I COULDN'T BRING MYSELF TO SAY.
I couldn't bring myself to say how I felt about you, it felt so wrong of me to feel this way with shame and guilt knowing that I'm a number year older than you.
I should have been older and wiser but I feel nothing for you now.
I didn't show how I felt cause I knew you didn't feel the same way, which would have made me feel foolish, it was just all in my head.
Therefore I was more than willing to get over it.
It was just a silly feeling inside of me, which I knew would pass one day.
You didn't have to be easy going about this, it wasn't easy for me to bring myself to say, which made me feel foolish. 9.12.17
27 1997.
At the age of 27 1997, it was a bad year.
You broke my heart, you have torn me apart.
At the age of 27 in 1997 I just wanted to go to heaven.
Life did not seem worth living, it all seemed like a dark tunnel.
The winter was dull and cold without you.
I discovered Shelly and Keats in the summer.
Without planning to I wrote poetry but when I did I knew life was worth living after all.
Once I started writing poetry it helped me clear my mixed up mind which helped me to get stronger in my mind.
That's when I learned to understand that life goes on, without writing poetry I would have broken down or and even ended my own life.
Jim Hendricks, Kurt Cobain, and Jim Morrison all suffered depression one way or the other over difference very bad times in life; they were all 27 when they died.
They were very creative people in their music but I pulled through my breakdown when I was nearly twenty - eight by discovering poetry. 13.2.2009
It's all my head they say when I fell over the deck, therefore not a lot can be said when I'm well fed.
I slept to rest my head in bed, I woke up at 12pm as my face went red.
She asked me if I wanted a coffee but I asked for tea instead.
Today is a grey day drawing as the rain is pouring.
Too late to hear the sound of the cuckoo.
Morning almost dark of the night as it fights the light, which is no great site to get bright. 22.9.2019
TO BE WITH YOU.
To be with you over the hills and dales and far away for the rest of our days.
Our love will be fire, not even water will wash us away.
Now I'm over the hill, wake from nightmares, yet into dreams that are real but so hard to believe.
Therefore I know you will be worth the wait, I've been waiting for you all my life, which is now so real. 22. 9 2019
IT WAS A LONG NIGHTMARE, HE'S NOT REAL HE NEVER WAS.
I must have been feeling the pain that wasn't there, he was just in my head so he can't, it was all in the head.
Can't believe I almost drank myself to death to a point I was almost num but the pain was still there.
Now I feel nothing for him to a point I think he's real or ever was.
I'm still alive to write the tale and what a tale it was, therefore, he hasn't killed me or hurt me because he never was, it was all in my mind.
I forgot it, I just had a long nightmare and woke up to a lot better world.
I've spent years writing a line like been naughty in school, to tell myself time and time again I only dreamt what I was going on in order to move on even though it was real but I needed to believe it's real to move forward. 22. 9 2019
DON'T TELL ANYONE.
Don't tell anyone it goes away.
Don't tell anyone to get over it.
Don't tell anyone to move on.
It either stays with them or it doesn't.
If the feeling goes it goes in its own time.
Anyone whose goes though it wishes it goes away, they try in every way.
Some of us are lucky than others but even those who are lucky won't forget what it felt like.
It's not an easy road to go through to find in the end it's just in our head but then it's not because it's so real we've been there.
There is not a nice place to be, there is an unhappy feeling inside of me, which makes me feel silly if I'm lucky to come out of it and yet those who have and are facing it only know.
Don't us you know if you haven't face it.
He wasn't anyone to be, it and he was my imagination. 22. 9. 2019
I COULDN'T BRING MYSELF TO SAY.
I couldn't bring myself to say how I felt about you, it felt so wrong of me to feel this way with shame and guilt knowing that I'm a number year older than you.
I should have been older and wiser but I feel nothing for you now.
I didn't show how I felt cause I knew you didn't feel the same way, which would have made me feel foolish, it was just all in my head.
Therefore I was more than willing to get over it.
It was just a silly feeling inside of me, which I knew would pass one day.
You didn't have to be easy going about this, it wasn't easy for me to bring myself to say, which made me feel foolish. 9.12.17
So far away or not at all.
Never
judge what you don’t know.
Things
aren’t the same for everyone.
I
went from seeing darkness, lightness then brightness.
Now
the future is moving forward into the light and the bright.
I’m
amazed I’ve moved forward at all, I saw the light from the dark and now it’s
bright.
We
both feel the same way for one another, he’s so much better than the other was.
22.9.2019
FLIGHTING WITH THE MIND.
Flighting
with my mind is all I seem to do; seem to think things I do and don't really
mean.
Taking
a risky road without even realizing it at times.
I
wrongly once let people get in my way and listened to the wrong people.
I
didn't always take the right advice.
Therefore,
I took the risk of loving someone I now hate but still, we all make mistakes.
If
only I was braver, I would have saved myself from so much pain.
I
took the risk knowing he was going to break me again, then realized that I fell,
but I got back up again.
It
was a big mistake I thought he'd change.
In
the ended up, I finally walked away from him, which I never thought I would 31.
12 2012
THIS ISN'T A CRY FOR HELP.
It
wasn't a cry for help or seeking attention.
Just
that you don't need a reason to feel depressed it can happen for one or even
many reasons or no reason at all, it's just a feeling inside you.
No
one chooses to feel the way they feel.
Putting
the past behind us can be hard to, Depression isn't all sadness.
Depression
isn't all about black, white, taking pills and one's own life, we just fight
with our minds and appear to be happy and sad just like everyone.
We
only hide our feelings at times in order to manage our lives the best way we
can do. 31. 12. 2012 to 26. 9. 2016
At the age of 27 1997, it was a bad year.
You broke my heart, you have torn me apart.
At the age of 27 in 1997 I just wanted to go to heaven.
Life did not seem worth living, it all seemed like a dark tunnel.
The winter was dull and cold without you.
I discovered Shelly and Keats in the summer.
Without planning to I wrote poetry but when I did I knew life was worth living after all.
Once I started writing poetry it helped me clear my mixed up mind which helped me to get stronger in my mind.
That's when I learned to understand that life goes on, without writing poetry I would have broken down or and even ended my own life.
Jim Hendricks, Kurt Cobain, and Jim Morrison all suffered depression one way or the other over difference very bad times in life; they were all 27 when they died.
They were very creative people in their music but I pulled through my breakdown when I was nearly twenty - eight by discovering poetry. 13.2.2009
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