Interducing myself, Autism, learning disability, life and work

My name is Sara Jane Gorman, I have been writing on and off since 1993, this book is about my life. I have been wanting to be a writer since I was twenty – three years old and I’m now nearly fifty – one. I started writing short stories when I was twenty – three and poetry when I was twenty – seven. I’m writing this book to raise awareness of disabilities, other problems such as Mental health for example to other people to people to try to help them understand people like myself as well as my disabilities, other problems and my life, my past and my life today. I’m writing to this book to speak up for others the same but similar but the same as me.

 Although, I wrote my first poem when I was twenty – three but never got into it again till I was twenty – six to twenty – seven. I had a poem each published in eleven books but not had any work published since which has been a lack of support due to my disabilities. I wrote small reports in Newsletters. I have been on a fair few creative writing courses.  Back March 2009, I went on a script and Screen course to try and help me with my writing and December 2010, I helped with a project at Penn Hall Special helping children create their own superheroes.  

I was born and bred on Friday 24^th October 1969, at was then the Beaches Nursing home Wolverhampton at 4.45am. I was born with lack of oxygen to the brain which caused me to have mild Autism, Epilepsy, Dyspraxia, Anxiety, Depression and Dyslexia. I had fits from birth to twelve years old, then they came back when I was thirty – one till I was forty – three. As a child and baby, I was on Phemabarotone which was a very strong medication.

This caused me to have a lack of communication, unawareness of the world around me and understanding. I had no sense of direction, had no danger awareness such as crossing the road, etc, which is still there now but not as bad as it was, I was in a world of my own, where the tablets made me tried and not tried at the wrong times to a point I couldn’t focus on schoolwork example and I couldn’t sleep at night. I was hyperactive, which wasn’t really known in the 1970s.

The tablets also caused me to have behavior problems, to be moody and have temper paddies at any time, which was hard for others as well as me, but no one knew why at the time not even myself. I used to lack attention. It was only a couple years of coming off Phemabartone, that my problems overcome or even got a lot less than what they used to that Mother realized that it may have been the tablets that caused me to be the way I was. 

I used to work for Our Shout Wolverhampton Learning Disability Self – Advocacy group supported by Mencap from June 2007 to May 2011. During that time, I had a little business supported by Royal Wolverhampton, Mencap, and Employment Pathways called Access All Areas Now, which was a Learning Disability Awareness service, by myself and someone else with a learning disability like myself. This sadness only lasted a year as Mencap was slowly folding and funding was running out. We only did four teaching sessions in the time; one was at Wolverhampton Library teaching Library staff Accessible information.

It's not easy being understood as a person with learning difficulties. I was born very quickly which caused a lack of oxygen to the brain. I was hyperactive and I had epilepsy until I was twelve years old. Twenty years later my fits came back at the age of thirty-one. Thirty years ago, we didn't have a lot of support for disabilities. It's still not good today but better than it used to be. I believe we still have a long way to go but we always will do. We can't expect a perfect world. My family tried to fight for my rights, they thought I should have as a baby and child, but it was so much more difficult 50 years ago. Disabilities were not understood as much as they are today. Sometimes we thought that many people didn't want to know, now I think it's about time, we learned from the past to hopefully try to bring a bright future for people with learning disabilities. Soon I am hoping to do some voluntary work at Mencap to help others overcome the difficulties that I have faced. In my following pages, I hope to explain more about the difficulties myself and my family have faced whilst I was growing up.

My disability did affect me a lot as a child. I have come a long way; I still have a long way to go. I have always been slow with education and everyday skills. It was when I left school, I started to learn how to be independent. Having been bullied at school, I had changed schools a lot, but I was still bullied a lot. I’m now very happy to say that I haven’t been bullied during my college days so far. If anything, I have learned more and more easily since I have left school than when I was there.
My Auntie’s son Luke taught me how to tie my shoelaces when I was twenty years old, he was only ten. I felt such a fool. It was as if I was a child that was staying a child. Now I have achieved more skills since then I am slowly starting to feel like an adult. I am very grateful to Luke, still better late than never. I used to feel ashamed; these kinds of problems encouraged bullying in school. They never understood why I found things harder than most children, well it felt that way to me at the time. Maybe they were the ones with the problems, not just me, otherwise, why did we go to special schools?

 

 

My disability has always affected my road sense. I have improved to what I used to be, but I still get nervous on busy main roads. I have never been able to ride a bike or drive a car and that will never happen. I can travel through on airplanes, coaches, buses, trains, trams, cars and etc. My disability affects my reflexes, I can’t carry two cups with hot drinks in at once. I can only carry one cup at a time. I have to use my right hand because of my left handshakes more than my right. I can’t grip very well with my left hand; it shakes and slips. Now I would say only for about a year or two, my family has discovered that I could be dyspraxia, which to do with hands and even balance. For eg banging into things and people, like I have said with grip, shakes of the hands and coronation where you only do one thing at a time, whether it's with your mind or your body. I can be very clumsily at times. I haven't got round to being diagnosed yet. I've had this problem all my life, no one knew until about a year ago that I could have dyspraxia.

It shows how much awareness there was twenty-thirty years ago, which is not. Still better late than never but like I say I need to be diagnosed yet. At the end of the day education is slower than I am, why does it take years to find things out? Still, we can find everything out at once, that's too much to ask. If you or someone you know are the same as me in any way, please drop me an email on sarajgorman@gmail.com I will be very interested to hear your story about your disability on how you cope with it, whoever you are and whatever age you are.

I have never been very good with directions, but I am better than I used to be. I will always have the disability I have always had but I make progress each day, which makes me better than I used to be. I used to get angry and upset when not able to do things. Now I can accept the things I can’t do because there have been so many skills, I have learned in the last ten years and maybe slightly more. I accept that there’s no way I would be able to have children and drive a car. I think today’s society has made me accept that. It’s an unsafe world to bring children up and there is too much traffic on the roads today. At the end of the day, there are still quite a lot of skills that I could have a chance to achieve in the long-term future. What skills, who knows!
I didn't cope with most children, I felt as if they were having a better time than I was. I don’t think now that was the case. I may have egged them on to bully me without realizing what I had done was wrong. I could not communicate with anyone, not even myself, they didn't understand me either. I wasn’t coping with playing games or reading books. Now I understand things better than I used to. I think I still find games hard to understand though.
I can just about cope with my own flat, I have all kinds of friends, I travel independently, and I do my own shopping. I am attending college, doing English, creative writing and a computer course. I like drawing and painting. I am hoping to get some training for work so hopefully with the right help me I could become a writer. I am a lot happier and less frustrated compared to how I used to feel.

 IN A DREAMWORLD

ME AGE 13 WITH MY BABY SISTER HOLLY

I was born mildly brain damaged and had fits from birth. The tablets I was taking since birth were very strong and caused me to be in a dream world. My mother weaned me off the tablets when I was about 12 yrs old and I didn't have another fit until 20 years later. I was hyperactive and I was autistic, I was awake all night, but I was in another world in the day. This is why I wasn’t very successful at school, I heard people’s voices, but I didn’t understand them.
I had a very bad temper tantrums that made life even harder for my family. I was seeking attention without realizing or even

 meaning to. I was very lucky to have a family who persevered with me until I did understand how to do something.

My mother tried to get help, in those days it was hard to find, she was on the verge of a nervous breakdown until an educational psychologist observed me for a week in my primary school.

In my adulthood, I have realized that there are others in my shoes and some a lot worse. During my childhood I felt like the odd one out, I felt as if some people were making fun of me. I was unaware that I wasn’t the only one; it was as if people thought I was thick. Now I know it only seemed that way, I don’t think I was the odd one out, but I thought I was. In those days it felt like no-one had the time to give someone like myself one chance, they didn’t seem to understand I couldn't master things the first time. It is very hard to explain to people who these problems don’t have unless they have these problems themselves. On the other hand, I always believe there are always plenty of people worse off than you.
For me now it isn’t as bad as what it used to be because I hear about a lot more support and things now than what there used to be. I think there is still a lot to understand still about being disabled, we will never know everything.

FAMOUS PEOPLE WITH AUTISM.

A lot people don't realize that there are a lot of people who disabilities who are famous. Like I have said in one of my reports on my website, that there were a lot of people with disabilities who didn't become famous until they died. People like Isaac Newton, Albert Einstein, Vincent Van Gogh, Andy Warhol, Beethoven, Bela Bartok, Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart, Richard Strauss, W.B Yeats, George Orwell, Charles Dickens Lewis Carroll, Thomas Jefferson and many more who had Autism according to the Internet. There are and were famous people with many other disabilities too. These people were writers, artists, composers, worked in science and or and in many more things. How people have known this I don't know, perhaps they have been researching their lives to create these sites on the Internet. I'd be very interested to know what you do and don't believe. It's hard to say with the people who aren't with us anymore because in those days people weren't educated to know what disabilities are. We must be careful because it's too easy to think if people didn't cope with school education, they must have had some forms of disabilities. Some people may have been bullied or problems at home, which could be another reason for not doing well at school. It's isn't just about that can be how they were at the beginning of life, for eg; slow at speaking.

For the last eight years I have been working for the University of Wolverhampton, I became Visiting Lecturer of Learning Disability and Mental awareness in January 2015. I am writing this book to raise awareness learning disability, mental health and other problems to those who are involved in the lives of people with disabilities, mental health and other problems and people  such as parents, carers, families, friends, partners, social workers, support workers, professionals and the people who face disabilities, mental or and other problems themselves.