What are learning disabilies and other problems?

Learning disabilities are conditions, the brain and or disorders that can affect, body, brain or even both, which can happen before, during or after birth or maybe even both. This affects every day of people’s lives, but they do face strengths as well as weaknesses. There are all types of disabilities and other problems, I will talk about in this book and others you may need to research elsewhere. Like I said there are different forms of Autism, there may be different forms of other disabilities and other problems. I hope I have not confused you with the difference between learning disability and Autism, which confuses as well cause even I must research to be sure and often different references tend to tell you different information etc. I think Autism may well link into more mild mental disabilities. Whereas Dyspraxia, which is a physical learning difficulty.

According to Mencap, there are 1.5 million people with a disability in the UK.

Like I said with Autism always except the unexcepted the same with all disabilities. No two or more people with the same disability necessarily face the same in life as far as what their strengths, weaknesses, etc are concerned.

Different types of disabilities and other problems.

Muscular dystrophies are when the person is weakening gradually in a limit of time. It seems to be more in common in boys than girls, just like Autism really. https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/muscular-dystrophy/types/

Spina Bifida can happen during pregnancy when the spinal cord nerves run down the spine. This causes physical disability. This can affect people’s balance, movement, bladder, and bowel control. The bones and joints deformities that can affect the movements. Hydrocephalus high presage on the brain because of fluid not being drained away. https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/Spina-bifida/

Cerebral Palsy happens during pregnancy. It is a Mental and Physical disability affecting the body and the mind. The brain controls the movement of the body in every stage of development. Almost like a form of Autism, which is damage can happen during in birth or any time due to a brain injury such as lack of oxygen or the child might have been shaken. Children may face these difficulties, posture, ability to put the body in a chosen positive and keep it there. https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/cerebral-palsy/

There are more disabilities that what I have said. These disabilities affect everyday life. For example, mobility, ability, use of hands, physical co-ordination, or and bladder and bowls, lifting, carrying, hearing, speech, eyesight, memory, concentration, learning, understanding, awareness of danger and maybe more.  Some disabilities affect more parts of life than others.  Learning disability websites adultprotection.org.uk, community.care.co.uk https://r.search.yahoo.com/_ylt=AwrIDKEgpJVeDWUAOw53Bwx.;_ylu=X3oDMTBycDZicmtuBGNvbG8DaXIyBHBvcwM2BHZ0aWQDBHNlYwNzcg--/RV=2/RE=1586893985/RO=10/RU=https%3a%2f%2fwww.mencap.org.uk%2flearning-disability-explained%2fconditions-linked-learning-disability%2fcerebral-palsy/RK=2/RS=Bgzmxu13oWdZzTVACR30aNqbkjk-

Anxiety disorder.

Anxiety is a Mental health disorder that causes people to feel stressed, worry, panic, overthink. Some things don’t even need to be worried about what people worry about or people don’t need to worry as much as they thought but this can vary, this isn’t always the case but with the right support, etc. It is possible to help people to get through.

 It may be possible that Anxiety can be linked to disabilities, mental problems, etc people may but may be possible to have Anxiety on its own as well, which for whatever your career is you may need to research this.

 Really, I can speak about the problems I face myself. Although, having been to school, college, etc coming across people who faced different problems, they have told bits about theirs.

We may panic if we only have a limit of time to do something, something bigger than it is to us, we may overthink without meaning to, we may make a mountain out of a molehill without meaning to, we may say something that may only be said in a few words in one million words, which that could be partly Dyslexia too.

Sheer panic may cause us to have a dry mouth, feel shaky, sweat, even fast heartbeat, tense and finding it hard to sleep.

All these things could boil down to panic attacks, which maybe someone is worried about something but maybe they do not need to worry as much, for example, being nervous about an example, their driving test, etc.

This could even be about emotional problems, family, friends, relationships, etc. I guess there are many websites I can put on but down to you to do your own research as well.

Speaking from my own experience The anxiety I think can link with Autism going what I face been in busy places with a lot of people, cities, train stations, bus stations, airports, etc.

Autism is a lifetime disability or even disorder, most of us with Autism have a learning disability, I am one of them.

I may be wrong but those of us with Autism face social and maybe even general Anxiety. This may cause social interaction and a lack of communication and understanding.

Asperger syndrome is a form of Autism in people who have high intelligence. They do not have language difficulties.

Communication

o         Little language

o         Speaking in the same tone

o         Unable to understand meaning of gestures and facial expressions

o         Difficulty understanding jokes.

o         Mixing up words like you and me.

°                      Repeating what one another say.

Movements

§  Flapping hands

§  Twirling toes

§  Interested in one topic

§  Having fixed route/upset by the change

§  Sensitive to sound, smell, taste etc.

§  Misunderstanding people’s thoughts feelings, actions etc.

Cause of Autism

The cause of Autism is unknown yet although in my case I was born a lack of oxygen to the brain, which caused me to have mild Autism. Although I say that as I have not been diagnosed but these things were never known when I came to the world nearly fifty-one years ago. However,’ as the years went on, my family films, read books, etc on Autism to think what they learned is so similar if not the same of myself, how I was in my own world, finding it hard to accept change, liking my own route, etc. I think if I have any form of Autism at all it is likely to be Asperger. About five to ten years ago I asked my doctor about getting diagnosed but she said there was no funding for adults.

I guess just before the 21^st century, there’s been a case of MMR injections to protect meseals, rubella, they said there was a risk to Autism as a side effect from the injection, I myself find it hard to understand. I guess if the MMR is likely to be the cause of any type of Autism it may be Autism Spectrum, which I may be right or wrong, which is down to you to research.

Epilepsy, Anxiety, Pressager, Depression, and Stress.

Stress and passage is and always have been the worst killer of all for everyone but if you have certain disabilities etc, it is hard for a person to cope with. However,’ each person naturally copes differently from the other. Bearing in mind that stress plays a lot on a lot of people’s minds, which seem easy for you but the end of the world to them. When people are stressed this is a sense of worry for them and even others around them. some people somethings will not leave their minds.

Not in everyone’s cases despite the stress they face and how they cope with it, they still manage to live long lives but sadly not always as I just said not everyone’s cases. Somethings that people may face other may say move on, get over it, which is not that simple, only they know the person who is putting them through what they are putting them through, which may be why they are finding it hard to get over whatever the problem may be or they may not get over whatever at, which is likely to cause them a lot of anxiety and depression and even risks of suicide attempts, etc. This cause is emotional issues such as relationship, marriage break – ups, death, etc. This can be hard whether you have disabilities etc or not but then you need as twice as much support if you. It is enough to deal with the general day to day life such as paying bills that people tend to worry about, for example, therefor how would you help people with disabilities and other problems, through these issues? These stresses can make even a healthy person ill, let alone a person who faces disabilities, etc. This may make them angrier, stressed, and depressed than other people.

In many ways, panic attacks could be quite alike epilepsy, for those who face these issues with their health, the stresses of life are even worse for them. As we all know there is no easy way to avoiding stress. However, most people disabilities etc may be unaware of what may have happened for a problem to get out of hand so many things may be unintentional. I guess in many cases it can be hard to tell if someone is having a seizure or a panic attack but many say non – epilepsy seizures are fairly similar, which this may be where ECG scans etc may come in, where your health professionals may need to research.

If seizures get awfully bad or if epilepsy is mistaken for panic attacks, there can be a risk of a person taking no medication or mistakenly overdosing themselves.

When I was about eighteen when I was working and training at the riding stables over Wales. The riding instructor Miss Coyne thought I was having seizures, so she got the doctor over Wales at the time to put me back on the tablets, he put me on Tegretol, I know I wasn’t having seizures but Miss Coyne was saying otherwise. By the time I was twenty I got sick of taking them for no reason to point I took an overdose of the lot at home and ended up in hospital overnight, from there I was taken off medication altogether after I had an ECG that came back normal. https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/epilepsy/symptoms/   https://www.netdoctor.co.uk/conditions/brain-and-nervous-system/a336/epilepsy/  https://www.brainline.org/article/seizures-and-epilepsy-frequently-asked-questions

Many medications in The 70s and 80s made you very drowsy, they used to slow me right down to a point I was a danger zone. I could not find my way around places; I had no sense of direction and danger risk of getting run over on the roads. https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/Epilepsy/   https://jnnp.bmj.com/content/76/suppl_1/i45

Most medications can make people feel which I guess is part of the side effects, this something else for your health professionals to research.

Nevertheless, Anxiety is a Mental health disorder that’s not much different to ADHD, which also can be a sense of stress and anger, both those can easily get mistaken to one to another, both those need researching to see what is the difference and the same as the two.

 These negative feelings may trigger off whether there’s the reason for it not which also needs to be investigated. Many times, on and off through my life I felt stress and anger with and without a reason.

 I am not saying I was not naughty but it always used to furstaight me to I was feeling angry and stressed on and off with and without a reason, even more so without a reason and years ago this wasn’t understood so now how can we help society to understand what we didn’t understand years ago? How can people themselves who face these problems understand themselves? https://theydiffer.com/difference-between-anxiety-and-adhd/

Depression.

Most people say that more men take their own lives than women, which not sure it is true how true it is, but I can well believe. Now I know not a lot of you guys like hearing this and this case reading. I know many would be thinking us women think we are always right, or always right, but I would not say we always are. I guess many of you have heard this many times over the years, and I sorry yes you must be fed up with hearing it.

 However,’ not saying all of you and I hate having to say this, there’s shouldn’t be a barrier between the two but there seems to be in this case and I’m just been honest. Even before we were aware of the internet etc, when I was a kid, young adult, etc, not on purpose but say passing in the street, etc, I would hear people talk about how boys and men find it hard to say what they were thinking more so than girls and women. How most men would shy away to whatever was said to them etc.

My ex-partner was a fine example where at times, I never knew whatever was bothering whether it was something else or something, he only said if he wanted to and if he wanted to.

 He would sit there silent with a face like a wet weekend as if he were going to blow his top at any second. If you ask him what is wrong, he will say nothing, or it is nothing to do with you etc. Things like he would moan because he is in pain, but he would not try going anything to get himself treated etc, if I said doctors etc he would refuse etc, very stubbed. He would bottle things up and be complete and he’d moody etc until he decided to snap out of it, it was like no one else mattered.

 If only I had the strength then to walk away and let him copy on his own, which yes that’s how he made himself out he wanted but I was so much in a different frame of mind back then I found it hard to walk away from that point but I years later, better late never as they say but not an easy one when someone doesn’t can’t accept your help.

 Not everyone is like him, I am pretty certain he didn’t want to be helped but I think might have been a different story if I had walked away from that point but in many people’s cases, it’s not an easy one if someone does find it hard to open up.

When having read on the internet, that more men talking their own lives then a woman doesn’t seem to have changed even since before we had the internet, maybe numbers meaning the number of people but it’s hard work where numbers are up or down each time you may look.

Depression affects a lot of people’s state of mind. In the case of learning disability and other problems, it can be even harder due to behavior, some people can take longer to accept a negative situation in their lives than others. It can be harder for a counselor or therapist if a person either refuses to help themselves, or accept help, which is why all you can do is empower someone and let them make their own choice whether they want to go for it or not, if they do then it shows they are helping themselves or and they are taking on board what you may have suggested to them, then you know they are coming to sessions till the end if they are either helping themselves or and trying to follow what you suggest.

Some people can become moodier if they take to learn to live with whatever they may be facing. You would think those who have no intentions helping themselves wouldn’t try to go with counseling or therapy to start with but it doesn’t always happen that way, where they think you can do all the work, which shouldn’t be that way.

I guess it can be extremely hard to cope if people have children, children can sense when their parents are unhappy, this can make the children unhappy too. Take, for example, children with Autism, which even harder for an Autism child to understand when their parents are split up and understanding why they are. Society tends to think that Autism children purposely behave badly which is not the case when parents need the support to be able to cope. If the child or and parents could make a choice what will it be? Parent slipping can be destressing for children whether or they have Autism. However, the child has the right to know why but when is the best time to raise that so the child can learn to understand. How are either parent or both parents are going to cope with the child’s distress, this could be where the child needs some form of emotional support, therapy, or and counseling them to live with their parent’s break, which could be the case whether the child has Autism or not, this could cause the child a lot of Anxiety and Depression I guess depending on the situation.   

At least 75% of people if not more face Depression in the Uk. My guess, only a 3^rd of people try to get help may be more or less which is concerning but we can force people to do so.  Depression affects older people, they 1 in 5 but I am guessing a lot more than that, which are mostly those who live out in the community and care homes, plus people with disabilities and other problems. https://www.mentalhealth.org.uk/a-to-z/d/depression  https://www.bupa.co.uk/newsroom/ourviews/2017/10/anxiety-depression

What is Dyspraxia?

Dyspraxia is a hard disability and mental problem to explain and understand, it is a very hidden learning difficulty, lifetime long – term condition. Many people have already lived
with Dyspraxia our lives being misunderstood and being told that we are a danger to society. The condition makes you who and what you are, which we are classed as clumsily meaning a health and safety hazard without the right support in the teams of society and even the eyes of the law. Most of us with Dyspraxia can walk and talk but whichever it is still a very hidden condition. Not a lot of people can tell unless you spend a lot of time with people with Dyspraxia. We have difficulty with things climbing things such as a ladder etc in my experience.

Dyspraxia is a condition that should be taken seriously because it can affect everyday skills like cutting one’s toenails and fingernails, shaving, kitchen skills, etc.

Both awareness and funding need to be raised for the condition.

As far as I am aware that the condition is only been aware of say the last fifteen to twenty years. Therefore, there may be different forms of Dyspraxia, which society needs to research.

 The world understands that the world can know everything right away. No one is blaming anyone but if Dyspraxia was understood many years, we may have had the right support and may not have been classed health hazards and useless people. This disability has caused us to be made to feel guilty for things we cannot help and also caused us to be hated by the world. We understand it is understandable in one way for the health and safety of others but not the fault on the purpose of the people who have disabilities. The awareness is good but all very well to raise when there is not the money in the world to support it. One thing is raising understanding of Dyspraxia so we can be at least understood for what our disability is about.

Dyspraxia is when people are unaware of the world around them. It is too easy to not look where you are going, bang into things and people around you. People with Dyspraxia can find physical and mental skills hard. Dyspraxia is mostly misunderstood has been a danger to society, which you are but with the right support you can get by in life.
 The reason for Dyspraxia being misunderstood is because it is a hidden disability. Yet with Dyspraxia being a lot to do with the body and brain, even though it is hidden because people can walk and talk it is more major than those disabilities who need 24-hour care in everything. The advantage is that people with Dyspraxia have the ability though to ask for help if we need it. There is just a wide circle of skills we find hard. The cause of being misunderstood is the fact we can walk and talk so people think we can manage our lives the same as them. Dyspraxia is a Motor skill and co -oration disability but it is also can be a reading and writing disability not much different from dyslexia.

For eg, a baby may find it hard to roll over, take longer to stand up and balance, walking, climbing, slower to talk and be understood.

Exercise maybe harder to access, some people may only manage swimming, exercise or and even horse riding. Some people may not manage to ride a real bike. Some people may find it hard to hop, jump, run fast and even skip. Some people may find it hard to throw and catch a ball. Some people may find it hard to stand for a long time.

 Children may be slower to walk up and down stairs safely without support. There are some stairs even adults and teenagers may not be able to manage without support. Some stairs can be harder for some people to manage than others. Some people find it hard to dress, tie shoelaces and etc.

 For most of us, it can affect our lives with not being able to drive a car and not being able to have children because of carrying and lifting. As time goes on support gets better in some ways but not in others. On the other hands with the cuts, the government is making it is hard to say what the future is.

Other examples

·                     Doing jigsaws

·                     Gripping pencils

·                     Playing games

·                     Mixing with people

·                     communicating 

·                     Reading

·                     Writing

·                     Emotional problems

·                     Poor short-term memory

·                     Using a knife and fork

·                     Carrying hot drinks in the left hand or and you may be only able to carry one hot drink at a time.

·                     Personnel care for eg, cleaning teeth, washing hair, shaving, cutting toenails and etc.

·                     Emptying the hoover and putting it back together again.

·                     Finding it hard to understand people and make friends.

·                     Poor vision

·                     Sensitive to light

·                     Sensitive to nose

·                     Sensitive to touch

·                     Sensitive to taste

• Lack of awareness in body-positive, space and spatial relationships.
• Hard to take in information.
• Hard to keep tidy.
• Cooking for eg, carrying heavy joints out of the oven, chopping up and straining veg.
• Hard to learn sounds, movements, and proofreading.
• Hard to concentrate on too many things at once.
• Slow to do a job and finish it.
• Daydream be in a world of our own.
• Find hard to listen to people in groups and take in what they say.
• Finding hard to understand people and be understood by them. 
•  Change can take a while to get use to whether it is good or bad.
• Good and bad days for eg, something we managed great yesterday we are coping really bad today.
• Some skills we just never manage but others we manage for life.
• We may get frustrated and angry easily.
• We just might give up if people give up on us too easy.
• We may be stressed and anxious easy.
• We may feel low in our self-esteem. 
• We may get upset easily.

Other awareness of the disability.
Some people with Dyspraxia have flat feet but I also have wide feet. I have really bad problems getting shoes to fit me. Some people even find it hard to type and grip the mouse on a computer. My problem can be I type so fast I do not notice my spelling mistakes and the words I have missed out of sentences. Some people find it hard to plan things. Some of us have poor relocating cannot look quickly and effectively from one object to another, looking from the television to the magazine.

Although there seems to be a lot of things that we find hard, there are some things that get better through our lives. I still remember as a child finding it hard for a lot of years cutting meat up with a knife and fork. In some cases, if someone is on some medications the side effects can make life even harder for them. If you have a lot of problems with hands, some medications can make them worse, which makes some people shake.  Not everyone finds the same things hard and not everyone finds the same things easy. I even find some things I just have good days and bad. Strangely in some things, there are some weaknesses that can turn into confidences because with this being a lifetime disability you become used to what you can and cannot cope. The fact that we are keen, willing people because we find so many things hard, we do not give up until we achieve what we want to. Sometimes though society gives upon us. To start with it may seem hard to believe that there are positives in Dyspraxia, but it is taking a long time to believe in that, your disability and most of all yourself. You can find so many things hard, yet it is to believe the bad as well as the good because you do not appear to strangers to have disabilities.

Our lives are not all black and white there are positives about us, yet some are from the things we do find hard.

·                     Some things that we may see differently from other people can be right.

·                     We find it easy to get along with people if they understand us and we understand them.

·                     People need to give themselves time and time to get to know one another.

·                     We can be carrying people who need support as much or if not more than us.

·                     We have a powerful and creative imagination in our daydreams.

·                     We are very keen learner’s despite finding learning hard, nothing stops us.

·                     We have good long-term memories.

·                     We can create for eg, creative writing art painting and drawing. 

The causes of Dyspraxia.

As far as I know Dyspraxia is caused by a lack of orgxen to the brain at birth or when a baby is born too early. I think this can be linked to epilepsy or and a stroke. I think are many other causes of Dyspraxia.

Different forms of Dyspraxia.

It sounds as if the world has a lot to learn about Dyspraxia, which is hardly surprising as it is a hard disability to understand and explain. Just because I am Dyspraxia, does not mean I know everything about it. In my respect, the world knows more than me. What I do know is how it has affected my life. I am glad to say now it has opened now. There may have been thousands of children in my school, I would have been aware, but I doubt it. I know what it has like to feel so alone even though you are more than likely not. Bullying never seems to stop because you look and or seem different from other children. Even by adults your so misunderstood because quite rightly even adult expects to see a normal child, whatever normal is at the end of the day. Putting yourself in the shoes of parents, life can be a jigsaws puzzle for them when their child is slow at learning or and they know what their disabilities and health problems are.

Movements are to do with Motor skills, Co-oration, and balance. For eg; opening a tin with a can opener.
Language is speech how we sound, make ourselves understood and misunderstood mostly the cases are.
Perception is Understanding and or misunderstanding others, messages, the world around us and etc.
It's more likely possible to have all of those forms of Dyspraxia as I have found all those things hard throughout my life. Having said that when you have a good many other disabilities it can be hard to say what causes what. For eg, I could either Asperger Syndrome or and ADHD, Dyslexia, Epilepsy as well as Dyspraxia. could have one form of Dyspraxia, two or all three. I know what I read about Dyspraxia sounds like me.

Sometimes when I am speaking, I find it hard to sallow when I speak therefore no understands me. I have always had problems with my tongue, teeth, and lips which goes very dry as skin becomes loose. Even though I feed myself, I am still a very messy eater. As a very small child I found very hard grip a knife and fork I think food used to go everywhere other than my mouth over the floor everywhere, although I don't see how I've always loved my food too much and ate too much.

Some words I may say may not come out correct but may not be far off, otherwise, I'm well misunderstood. Sometimes I may talk too quiet in case I do not sound like how I want to sound like. Yet when I am sure of myself it works opposite; I can be too loud.     

Some famous people with Dyspraxia.

Daniel Radcliffe who plays Harry Potter, David Bailey who takes pictures, Florence Welch, Hannah McDonnell actor, Helen Burns character out of Jane Eyre, Samuel Taylor Coleridge poet, CK Chester, Ern  Est Hemingway, Jack Kerouac, and George Orwell writer.

Dyspraxia needs to be taken seriously as it is a hidden physically learning difficulty and it is not noticed a lot, it is a life long – term condition that affects people physically and mentally. It should not stop people from living their lives with the right support when needed. Dyspraxia slows people down with everyday skills mainly physical skills, which makes it is hard for us to complete tasks, work, etc at the same time as other people unless we have the right support to do so. It is not always understood because the fact most people with Dyspraxia can walk and talk part from we may find it hard to explain ourselves to people very well or and we may stutter, the learning Difficulty is very much hidden.

However,’ it is important to except the unexcepted with all disabilities and all problems including Dyspraxia, lots of people with the same problems aren’t all necessarily the same as one another but that is likely to vary. I can only speak for myself having to be Dyspraxia myself, what I face may not be the same for everyone who faces the learning difficulty and long-life term condition.

I think and feel it is important for a young to get a lot and the right support from the start of life so skills can come as easy as possible for them, but some may need more support than others.

My reasons are because Dyspraxia can have a huge on a person’s life physically and mentally least from my experience such as tieing, shoelaces, buttons, zips, etc but some of these items can be harder to manage than others such as lids, pop bottles, etc, which I have faced all my life but only been aware why for say the last fifteen to twenty years or so and I’m nearly fifty – one. Dyspraxia can affect gripping and strength, if a person has not had psycho from a young person, like from my experience because of Dyspraxia was unknown when I was a young child. This can affect you from having your own children without the right support to help you look after them mainly in terms of bathing, dressing, holding your child, etc.

Just to say that Dyspraxia isn’t all negative on the positive the side I have done creative writing courses, been a public and private Advocacy worker, been on and off computer course for twenty – three years, I can draw, paint, poetry, short stories, etc I need support with, I have done three Mentoring qualifications and as I said at the start of this book I have been a visiting Lecturer in learning disability and mental health since 2015. Therefore, a person with Dyspraxia does not face all negative.

https://www.webmd.com/children/guide/detecting-learning-disabilities#4

Life of Learning Disability and Autism.

Travelling.   Autism affects a lot of people’s lives like with all disabilities. It affects different people in different ways. It may well depend on the type of Autism and the person who is facing it, it may well be the same with other disabilities. People face the same disabilities and Autism may not the same difficulties and abilities, only you can research that to know what to expect out of the people you support now and those you may support in the future. Excepted the unexcepted.

My experience is finding it hard to cope with crowded places with loads of people and even empty places. For example, busy airports, bus stations, train stations, etc. Travel information on the boards flashing on and off, which can be too fast for me to focus on and take in.

 This is where Anxiety can link to the Autism, which can cause the person a sense of panic but not always the case, this can vary one person to another. Not sure what others the same if not like I find but I seem to have limits to how far I can travel alone, for example, my home area Wolverhampton, as far say Walsall, Birmingham City center, maybe I could get as far as Dudley, Tipton, West Brom. I like my independence because in the early years I was overprotected a lot etc.

Nighttime seems to be a dangerous time when it’s dark because support workers aren’t work, which you don’t expect them to when they have worked all day. All the same it’s risky for a valuable person to be out at night but the same for other people too but then everyone has rights to live, whether people have disabilities or not. At one time we used to have events, charities, etc going in the evenings when I was in my twenties and thirties but slowly funding running, which were ran by charities like Mencap, we had like PHAP, the Happy Society, Good Year’s discos, Circle of Friends, the DABS Disco, etc.

Employment. Like I said most employers don’t understand learning disabilities. Not everyone takes notice of the Disability Discrimination Act. It’s than it was before the Discrimination Act, but we still have a long way to go.

It seems that some employers see people with disabilities etc as a health and safety, which without support may be at risk but with support and the right tools, etc. It should be possible for us to work equal to other people, but the most common reason would be is funding which the government should be taking part in as well. Support should be provided in the workplace as well as services to support people with disabilities etc to get education and employment.

If you work, study or and train in the field of disabilities, etc, you should learn about what a learning disability is and other problems, which I will include in this book, what type of disabilities and other problems there are, how they affect people’s lives, the support and rights people like myself need, want, etc, accessible information, easy read, etc. How can you support people with disabilities etc to live their lives equal to you and empower their independence as well?  

Even thought I haven’t been diagnosed, in some ways people with a learning disability our own doctors, nurses, etc to how we feel and what we experience in life positive as well as negative to everyday lives.

Many people like myself facing possible Asperger, I guess in some of us who face Dyslexia. Many people think people with Dyslexia can’t read and write, which is not true, which just tend to see numbers and letters the wrong way round for example 78, 87, dog, bog, mixing up bs and ds, etc. We might not be a great speller even put things in the wrong place etc, but we might well have a good imagination, artist, being creative, storyteller, etc either of those or both I guess.

It’s possible I may have had ADHD through when I was on Phemabarotone, without knowing it at the time. Where I was feeling sleepy and not sleepy at the wrong times as a child. This makes me think that it may be caused by some medications or and disabilities, mental health, health problems, etc people may have which health professionals need to investigate.  Like I said as soon as I came off Phemabarotone well so much time after, I start to get a bit calmer as the years went on. I hope this information is useful for parents, families, carers, etc, which could be even the side – effects of most medications, etc.

Many people with Asperger and I guess other types of Autism and maybe other problems face Anxiety and Depression mainly when we feel we aren’t apart of people around us. A sense of panic and fear, overcrowded places, etc. Not being able to handle our everyday skills, which can make most people frustrated. Not being able to get the balance between support and independence. We need support with the things we can’t manage not the things we can.

They say we are not good with imagination but if we have dyslexia we well could be. However,’ doesn’t necessarily mean we are not if we are not Dyslexic, therefore this could vary from person, which you may need to research elsewhere to find out for sure. I myself for example as a child found it hard to play with another child, therefore, I would play my own pretend games with my dolls and soft toys. Also, the fact, I was an only child at that stage which made me more self to my self at that time in my life. My sister was born when I was thirteen and yet I found it hard to play her through her childhood.

Interducing Autism

WHAT CAUSES AUTISM?

It's hard to say what causes Autism, there are so many different forms of Autism from mild to major. It affects people in different ways. In my case it was lack of oxygen to the brain, Mum was neglected at birth. I've heard other causes are the MMR vaccines for Measles, food allergies, chronic yeast infections, infections from meningitis and Mercury poisoning.

WHAT IS AUTISM?
In my research on the Internet, apart from Autism been a disability, it affects one in a hundred people in Britain alone. Autism is mostly a hidden disability. People with Autism have Autism for life. People with Autism can learn skills in life but for life, we are mostly very slow learners. The kind of skills most people Autism find very hard to learn is motor skills because of grip with our hands and reflexes, we find it hard to cope with too many things at once. People with Autism can find it hard to say what we need and how we feel. People with Autism find it hard to meet people, make friends and relationships, social skills are hard for us. People with Autism can find it hard to understand people, people can find it hard to understand people with Autism.

When it comes to behavior problems, people tend to blame bad parenting, which is not true. Like I said in many reports on this website, in my experience anyway, it's more we feel anger when we can't cope with everyday living skills, we don't feel equal to non - disabled people. When this happens we feel useless, the odd ones out and we feel left out of society.
Not that I can have children anyway but just out of interest, my family thought Autism isn't genetic but I have learned of the Internet that it is but it's hard to say. Without been nasty, if what I am reading is true, it's just as well I can't have children, I'd hated to see my children going through the same me, even though I'd understand them through my own experience.
The things I have just explained is what you need to except for people with Autism.

As I have written in past reports on this site, most people with Autism are creative but I don't want to bore you with what I have already said if I remember but sometimes I get carried away studying things. Sorry about that.
Some people with Autism manage to learn by watching others. Most people with Autism can only work on one thing at a time very slowly like me. Therefore, a lot of us need support in schools, colleges, work placements, etc.
Many disabilities are linked to Autism for eg, dyslexia. Never think Autism affects all people the same, we are all different like yourselves, like I've said before it would be boring otherwise.

Different types of Autism.

Autism Spectrum isn’t all that different from Asperger syndrome apart from people with Asperger Syndrome don’t appear to have a learning disability, but they do. It can take a long time for people to know that with Asperger Syndrome has a disability because it’s very hidden or can be. People with Autism Spectrum in most people has a major speech problem whereas people with Asperger Syndrome have more a mild speech problem. These are possibly the problems of all forms of Autism.

·       Finding it hard to communication with others.

·       Social interaction

·       Social imagination

By a guess, I have Asperger Syndrome. I have problems with Motor skills and gripping, which could be Dyspraxia, bad coronation,  you won’t really understand I guess unless you spend a lot of time with someone who faces it because it being a hidden physical learning difficulty but Asperger Syndrome I think affects a person mentally. Without sounding big-headed, it can make Asperger Syndrome can make people highly intelligent in other ways but slow in another.

PEOPLE WITH AUTISM CAN BE effect BY FIVE SENSES IN OUR LIVES.

Sight, sound, touch, taste, smell yet again I guess we aren't all the same. Some Of us may be affected by all five senses, others could be affected by only so many, well there's only five them. Strange because I've learned five senses in Creative writing, which is common sense because we have to explain the feelings of our characters. Perhaps that's why most people with Autism can write, joking that's not always necessarily so. When it comes to sight, people with Autism could be affected colour or and lights. For eg, even bright color lights affect me, mainly when I'm having fits. I am jumpily when dogs jump, run fast towards and bark at me. I'm also affected by flapping birds, I don't like them standing my shoulder, I get very nervous. I don't dislike any animals; in fact, I love them. If I live with them, I get used to them, but I don't have the time on hands to have animals. Sometimes touch affects me other times it doesn't, it depends how I'm touched, I guess that's the same for anyone really. The taste I like all food really. The smell is no different from anyone really. That's enough about me but If you have Autism or you know anyone who does really as long, they know you're telling me, I'd be interested in what 5 senses affect the people you know with Autism. If You have Autism which five senses affect you? one or a few or all.  Sarajgorman@gmail.com on Facebook if you want to and can email me. A bit of extra support for people with Autism, families, and carers. The National Autistic Society http://www.autism.org.uk/ autismhelplinenas.org.uk

As I was researching, I have found out that Asperger Syndrome and I think ADHD Deficit Hyperactive Disorder, which is two common types of Autism.

FAMOUS PEOPLE WITH AUTISM.

A lot of people don't realize that there are a lot of people who disabilities who are famous. Like I have said in one of my reports on my website, that there were a lot of people with disabilities who didn't become famous until they died. People like Isaac Newton, Albert Einstein, Vincent Van Gogh, Andy Warhol, Beethoven, Bela Bartok, Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart, Richard Strauss, W.B Yeats, George Orwell, Charles Dickens Lewis Carroll, Thomas Jefferson and many more who had Autism according to the Internet. There are and were famous people with many other disabilities too. These people were writers, artists, composers, worked in science and or and in many more things. How people have known this I don't know, perhaps they have been researching their lives to create these sites on the Internet. I'd be very interested to know what you do and don't believe. It's hard to say with the people who aren't with us anymore because in those days people weren't educated to know what disabilities are. We must be careful because it's too easy to think if people didn't cope with school education, they must have had some forms of disabilities. Some people may have been bullied or problems at home, which could be another reason for not doing well at school. It's isn't just about that can be how they were at the beginning of life, for eg, slow at speaking.

I get into a route too easy and takes me a long time to get into another one, which may seem boring to others, but my life can be the same every day in some ways but not necessarily in others.

I would like to people who face the same but similar to me to travel train from my own experience.

 When you live out in the countryside it’s hard to travel train compared to a town or a city.

I lived in the countryside when I was in my teenage years and it was very hard to get about and make friends.

 My mother used to have to take me wherever and pick me up from wherever. Mind you, I never had many friends in school I was bullied a lot.

 However,’ people with Autism find it hard to cope with very busy surroundings. Most people with disabilities don’t drive, due to having disabilities, etc that prevent them from driving, such as myself.

Some towns are easier to get about than others. For example, although Wolverhampton these days is quite dull, grey, dirty in a lot of ways because it of it being small other ways it’s quite easy to get around even though I wouldn’t advice safety-wise anyone let alone vulnerable people hang around there too long, which is no more different from most other places either.

Some people need help with getting out and about, copying with money, etc, which are other problems I have faced. Many people with disabilities don’t have social lives due to awareness of hate crime etc, there’s not always enough money and support to make this possible for people. I used to go uptown every night on my own, when I was seeing my ex-boyfriend, I had friends, but some turned out to be the wrong sort of friends.  In 2012, I started drinking my local pub from when I left my ex-boyfriend been drinking ever since I drink rarely uptown now. Saying that all pubs, clubs and most other places are all closed now due to the Coronavirus so we are now in a lockdown, which could last any length of the time.

The longer most people are not following the government rules the longer it will take, which makes it unfair for those who following the rules or trying, which is to stay home, only go for food shopping, medication, and exercise.

 The government doesn’t say much either way if you support vulnerable people in their homes, shopping, etc, needs to be addressed etc, in the lines, if your carer, social worker, family member, parent, friend etc.

In my case my Mother lives aboard, my Aunty lives an hour away from me and My Aunt’s friend cleans for me once a month.

Most employers don’t understand learning disabilities. Not enough employers follow the discrimination act, they should.

Not all people with disabilities use computers, even though I can.

The government is spending too much money on the least important things. They are robbing the poor instead of the rich, may not be that is the case as much now but pretty was when I started this book in the 90s to early 2000s.

I used to be a Learning disability MP of Wolverhampton. If people with disabilities, families, carers and etc are not happy with anything or something. I don’t mind raising awareness of this. The government needs to be reading this book and my blog.

There are too many mistakes some employers make. People with disabilities etc who access services find it hard to focus on too much jargon, which is hard to understand, confusing and too much of a language barrier. People work in the learning disability etc field need to be learning about easy read, accessible information, sign language, brail, etc.

Like all people without disabilities etc, people with Autism want to live equal lives to other people. We want to make the most of life. Life lives like human beings in this society. People with Autism can find change and route hard to cope with, yet some things come easy than others, which can vary to one person to another. We still have a long way to go, let’s give those support who need it now not in twenty to thirty years’ time and let’s empower independence for now and generations to come.  Most things people need support and others they don’t, every person can vary it’s down to you to find out.  Just like other people most of us enjoy hobbies, interests, etc.  We all have different disabilities, difficulties, and abilities.

Autism is mostly a hidden disability, which most people don’t understand. It’s unknown how many people are diagnosed with Autism, which that research is down to you to find out. Most people find it hard to explain themselves, meaning they are or may be trying to tell people. This can cause a lack of communication and understanding. Through whatever the misunderstanding is or maybe it’s can leave the person whose facing, disability, Autism, etc in the dark. This very often affects people’s lives meaning different people in different ways. It can make them feel they haven’t got choices and control over their own lives.  

Society tends to say that people with disabilities are poor because of us not been able to manage money which may be the case in most of us but not all of us. In my view, this is very judgemental. For many of us, that’s but that’s due to not getting enough support and we don’t get the choice and control. We need a balance between the two.

We don’t always get the right services we need. They say that Wolverhampton has better Autistic adult services than children.

We don’t always get the right support with work, benefits, home, etc, which may well improved a bit since I started writing this blog and book.

Interducing myself, Autism, learning disability, life and work

My name is Sara Jane Gorman, I have been writing on and off since 1993, this book is about my life. I have been wanting to be a writer since I was twenty – three years old and I’m now nearly fifty – one. I started writing short stories when I was twenty – three and poetry when I was twenty – seven. I’m writing this book to raise awareness of disabilities, other problems such as Mental health for example to other people to people to try to help them understand people like myself as well as my disabilities, other problems and my life, my past and my life today. I’m writing to this book to speak up for others the same but similar but the same as me.

 Although, I wrote my first poem when I was twenty – three but never got into it again till I was twenty – six to twenty – seven. I had a poem each published in eleven books but not had any work published since which has been a lack of support due to my disabilities. I wrote small reports in Newsletters. I have been on a fair few creative writing courses.  Back March 2009, I went on a script and Screen course to try and help me with my writing and December 2010, I helped with a project at Penn Hall Special helping children create their own superheroes.  

I was born and bred on Friday 24^th October 1969, at was then the Beaches Nursing home Wolverhampton at 4.45am. I was born with lack of oxygen to the brain which caused me to have mild Autism, Epilepsy, Dyspraxia, Anxiety, Depression and Dyslexia. I had fits from birth to twelve years old, then they came back when I was thirty – one till I was forty – three. As a child and baby, I was on Phemabarotone which was a very strong medication.

This caused me to have a lack of communication, unawareness of the world around me and understanding. I had no sense of direction, had no danger awareness such as crossing the road, etc, which is still there now but not as bad as it was, I was in a world of my own, where the tablets made me tried and not tried at the wrong times to a point I couldn’t focus on schoolwork example and I couldn’t sleep at night. I was hyperactive, which wasn’t really known in the 1970s.

The tablets also caused me to have behavior problems, to be moody and have temper paddies at any time, which was hard for others as well as me, but no one knew why at the time not even myself. I used to lack attention. It was only a couple years of coming off Phemabartone, that my problems overcome or even got a lot less than what they used to that Mother realized that it may have been the tablets that caused me to be the way I was. 

I used to work for Our Shout Wolverhampton Learning Disability Self – Advocacy group supported by Mencap from June 2007 to May 2011. During that time, I had a little business supported by Royal Wolverhampton, Mencap, and Employment Pathways called Access All Areas Now, which was a Learning Disability Awareness service, by myself and someone else with a learning disability like myself. This sadness only lasted a year as Mencap was slowly folding and funding was running out. We only did four teaching sessions in the time; one was at Wolverhampton Library teaching Library staff Accessible information.

It's not easy being understood as a person with learning difficulties. I was born very quickly which caused a lack of oxygen to the brain. I was hyperactive and I had epilepsy until I was twelve years old. Twenty years later my fits came back at the age of thirty-one. Thirty years ago, we didn't have a lot of support for disabilities. It's still not good today but better than it used to be. I believe we still have a long way to go but we always will do. We can't expect a perfect world. My family tried to fight for my rights, they thought I should have as a baby and child, but it was so much more difficult 50 years ago. Disabilities were not understood as much as they are today. Sometimes we thought that many people didn't want to know, now I think it's about time, we learned from the past to hopefully try to bring a bright future for people with learning disabilities. Soon I am hoping to do some voluntary work at Mencap to help others overcome the difficulties that I have faced. In my following pages, I hope to explain more about the difficulties myself and my family have faced whilst I was growing up.

My disability did affect me a lot as a child. I have come a long way; I still have a long way to go. I have always been slow with education and everyday skills. It was when I left school, I started to learn how to be independent. Having been bullied at school, I had changed schools a lot, but I was still bullied a lot. I’m now very happy to say that I haven’t been bullied during my college days so far. If anything, I have learned more and more easily since I have left school than when I was there.
My Auntie’s son Luke taught me how to tie my shoelaces when I was twenty years old, he was only ten. I felt such a fool. It was as if I was a child that was staying a child. Now I have achieved more skills since then I am slowly starting to feel like an adult. I am very grateful to Luke, still better late than never. I used to feel ashamed; these kinds of problems encouraged bullying in school. They never understood why I found things harder than most children, well it felt that way to me at the time. Maybe they were the ones with the problems, not just me, otherwise, why did we go to special schools?

 

 

My disability has always affected my road sense. I have improved to what I used to be, but I still get nervous on busy main roads. I have never been able to ride a bike or drive a car and that will never happen. I can travel through on airplanes, coaches, buses, trains, trams, cars and etc. My disability affects my reflexes, I can’t carry two cups with hot drinks in at once. I can only carry one cup at a time. I have to use my right hand because of my left handshakes more than my right. I can’t grip very well with my left hand; it shakes and slips. Now I would say only for about a year or two, my family has discovered that I could be dyspraxia, which to do with hands and even balance. For eg banging into things and people, like I have said with grip, shakes of the hands and coronation where you only do one thing at a time, whether it's with your mind or your body. I can be very clumsily at times. I haven't got round to being diagnosed yet. I've had this problem all my life, no one knew until about a year ago that I could have dyspraxia.

It shows how much awareness there was twenty-thirty years ago, which is not. Still better late than never but like I say I need to be diagnosed yet. At the end of the day education is slower than I am, why does it take years to find things out? Still, we can find everything out at once, that's too much to ask. If you or someone you know are the same as me in any way, please drop me an email on sarajgorman@gmail.com I will be very interested to hear your story about your disability on how you cope with it, whoever you are and whatever age you are.

I have never been very good with directions, but I am better than I used to be. I will always have the disability I have always had but I make progress each day, which makes me better than I used to be. I used to get angry and upset when not able to do things. Now I can accept the things I can’t do because there have been so many skills, I have learned in the last ten years and maybe slightly more. I accept that there’s no way I would be able to have children and drive a car. I think today’s society has made me accept that. It’s an unsafe world to bring children up and there is too much traffic on the roads today. At the end of the day, there are still quite a lot of skills that I could have a chance to achieve in the long-term future. What skills, who knows!
I didn't cope with most children, I felt as if they were having a better time than I was. I don’t think now that was the case. I may have egged them on to bully me without realizing what I had done was wrong. I could not communicate with anyone, not even myself, they didn't understand me either. I wasn’t coping with playing games or reading books. Now I understand things better than I used to. I think I still find games hard to understand though.
I can just about cope with my own flat, I have all kinds of friends, I travel independently, and I do my own shopping. I am attending college, doing English, creative writing and a computer course. I like drawing and painting. I am hoping to get some training for work so hopefully with the right help me I could become a writer. I am a lot happier and less frustrated compared to how I used to feel.

 IN A DREAMWORLD

ME AGE 13 WITH MY BABY SISTER HOLLY

I was born mildly brain damaged and had fits from birth. The tablets I was taking since birth were very strong and caused me to be in a dream world. My mother weaned me off the tablets when I was about 12 yrs old and I didn't have another fit until 20 years later. I was hyperactive and I was autistic, I was awake all night, but I was in another world in the day. This is why I wasn’t very successful at school, I heard people’s voices, but I didn’t understand them.
I had a very bad temper tantrums that made life even harder for my family. I was seeking attention without realizing or even

 meaning to. I was very lucky to have a family who persevered with me until I did understand how to do something.

My mother tried to get help, in those days it was hard to find, she was on the verge of a nervous breakdown until an educational psychologist observed me for a week in my primary school.

In my adulthood, I have realized that there are others in my shoes and some a lot worse. During my childhood I felt like the odd one out, I felt as if some people were making fun of me. I was unaware that I wasn’t the only one; it was as if people thought I was thick. Now I know it only seemed that way, I don’t think I was the odd one out, but I thought I was. In those days it felt like no-one had the time to give someone like myself one chance, they didn’t seem to understand I couldn't master things the first time. It is very hard to explain to people who these problems don’t have unless they have these problems themselves. On the other hand, I always believe there are always plenty of people worse off than you.
For me now it isn’t as bad as what it used to be because I hear about a lot more support and things now than what there used to be. I think there is still a lot to understand still about being disabled, we will never know everything.

FAMOUS PEOPLE WITH AUTISM.

A lot people don't realize that there are a lot of people who disabilities who are famous. Like I have said in one of my reports on my website, that there were a lot of people with disabilities who didn't become famous until they died. People like Isaac Newton, Albert Einstein, Vincent Van Gogh, Andy Warhol, Beethoven, Bela Bartok, Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart, Richard Strauss, W.B Yeats, George Orwell, Charles Dickens Lewis Carroll, Thomas Jefferson and many more who had Autism according to the Internet. There are and were famous people with many other disabilities too. These people were writers, artists, composers, worked in science and or and in many more things. How people have known this I don't know, perhaps they have been researching their lives to create these sites on the Internet. I'd be very interested to know what you do and don't believe. It's hard to say with the people who aren't with us anymore because in those days people weren't educated to know what disabilities are. We must be careful because it's too easy to think if people didn't cope with school education, they must have had some forms of disabilities. Some people may have been bullied or problems at home, which could be another reason for not doing well at school. It's isn't just about that can be how they were at the beginning of life, for eg; slow at speaking.

For the last eight years I have been working for the University of Wolverhampton, I became Visiting Lecturer of Learning Disability and Mental awareness in January 2015. I am writing this book to raise awareness learning disability, mental health and other problems to those who are involved in the lives of people with disabilities, mental health and other problems and people  such as parents, carers, families, friends, partners, social workers, support workers, professionals and the people who face disabilities, mental or and other problems themselves.

The Bird Watcher That Spies.

What was Dan thinking?

This isn’t just a walk in the park to me now, I’m feeling closer and closer to Joanne but not sure how she feels about me even though we have become very good close friends though this six-week holiday. It seems as if we have so much in common. Dare I tell how I feel? Now, sure I feel the confidence to so and wonder if I ever will. My fear is being turned down and if she feels the same way she may fear of me turning her down, which is not so. I just don’t want to spoil an amazing friendship we so have.

Joanne seems to understand my family background, which she has similar to me. Only that my Father Bill Richard treats my Mother Jen like hell and knocking her about, he spends all our living money and the poor woman is having to work extra hours to look after us but my life isn’t all black and white, as I do write my poetry, stories, drawing, and paint. I’m the oldest in the family so I have young brothers and sisters to look after while Mum is at work as a nurse but when Mum is at home, I get to see Joanne in the park.

 I needed to get out of the house for a while, while Mum is off work.  We haven’t had a summer holiday for at least six years before we haven’t had the money and we still haven’t this year.

That’s enough about me for now, Joanne has been in and out of foster care, which is still happening now. She’s never known her Mother Rose and Father Richard. Her mother was very young, she and her Father split, they were just young kids. She got told she couldn’t keep Joanne because she was only thirteen.

Anyway, that’s enough of the negative as I have enjoyed the hot summer this year 1960, where I and Joanne got chatting over Saint James’s Park London and we have done it ever since. We both enjoy English, art and I’m very into poetry, she loves me my Poetry but not sure if she loves me or not. I like the Beatles; she likes Dusty Springfield and Cilia Black.

We have given one another's phone numbers. Joanne bless her is always in the call box near the home she lives, forever putting money in, it must cost her an arm and leg talking to me in the evenings, but she never seems to complete about it. We only live down the road from one another and yet we send one another letter by post. How crazy are we? Maybe there’s something between us despite we are only eleven years of age.

When I have time to spare when Mum isn’t working, I take the chance to see Joanne but there’s no sign of romance. All the same, surely I can accept that this is not going to happen and stop building my own hopes up or sooner or later I may need to be done with it and tell how I really no matter the reaction but I’m just not brave enough to say least at the moment I’m but then I guess if she feels the same way she may fear the same as I do. Despite me being an eleven years boy, there’s no excuse to be a coward but that’s easy said than done. I’m so concerned about breaking up such as great friendship.

I wasn’t sure what to think when I found out she was moving to the same Senior school as me whether or not that was a good or bad thing and I don’t mean that in a nasty way, only that my feelings are getting even stronger towards her. How long can I go like this? Will it pass, do I need to do anything to make it pass? I just don’t know. Now I’m just asking myself too many questions I can’t answer, I fear to talk to adults, they will probably say I’m too young which I am.

I think my Mum is noticing I haven’t been myself for the last few weeks with eating less, sleeping less and spending a lot of time in the bedroom and not staying downstairs in front of the television when she’s at home. whereas when she’s at work I’m downstairs minding my younger brothers and sister, which is good in one way because it’s keeping me busy, then I eat a bit more to encourage them to eat. When Mum is at home, I’m on her phone then I’m walking to the call box. Mum knows Joanne is my friend but doesn’t know I’m feeling more than that.

What was Joanne thinking?

I feel so down today as I have had some very bad news, but I will be Okay. One of the staff from the Foster home had heard somehow that from someone contacting the office that my Mother died yesterday so I have no chance of meeting her now, she took her own life which is all I was told.

It has been 91 in temp today, very hard and I couldn’t stand staying in all day at the home I needed to get out for a while. I took a walk down to Saint James Park London, which is only a twenty minutes’ walk from the home and had myself a cup of tea in the café. I met this boy is standing in the queue, Dan Richards the same age as me and he’s going to the same school as me in September. I didn’t tell him about what’s as I was more interested in what he was talking about. We seem to have quite a bit in common as we are both good with art, poetry, and stories. He was talking about John Keats and his poems, the artist and S Lowy and his Paintings.

We both have similar backgrounds in our lives, Dan what he faces with his parents with his Father Bill putting his Mother Jen through violence and mental abuse and all the negative goings-ons I face in the Foster home, without our writing and art life would drive us nuts. I find myself locking myself in my room at times, but life isn’t all black and white.

I never thought I would think this about anyone, I normally shy away from boys but I’m really growing strong towards Dan, but I only met him today. We had so much of a great talk that I wouldn’t want to spoil such a great friendship and I don’t want to build my hopes up that he may feel the same way about him as I do about him but waiting and seeing for me isn’t hard for me to accept. Maybe one day we may just draw together naturally one never knows.

Joanne Evans and Dan Richards met at London Senior Grammar school when they were eleven years in the 1960s. Joanne and Dan were in the same class and Lee Deans were his best mate or should I say he was supposed to be.

Lee Deans were always is was always into mischief he took a great deal of interest in his schoolwork and he was always in trouble. Lee was a Rolling Stones fan very much into Mick Jagger but always wanted something someone else had. Dan loved his art, into poetry and History very much into the Beatles and John Lennon. Whereas Joanne was very quiet, shy artist into English, very much herself, she was 5.2, long blond hair and blue eyes, slim, very much into stars like Dusty Springfield and Cilar Black. She did very well for herself.

How is everyone copying in the Lockdown?

We all know that the Coranvirus is serious and we have been rightly advised by the government to stay home only to go shopping for food etc.

 What we do and don't there's no winning where if we take no notice of the government, unfairly most people have which make it longer for those of us who have taken notice, which is so unfair of the people who do this to us.

We need to prepare ours for a long lockdown which we don't for sure if is a long time or not even though we fear that it will be.
 However'  much the government is looking out for us, we are at risk increasing to our Mental health and other things even though the government's intentions are to save us from this awful virus.

Already I know isn't likely to be correct but a guess that millions all over the world have sadly died of it already and there's still time sadly of increase.

This virus alone has caused a huge depression so many shops to close, like clothes shops, hairdressers, pubs, cafes, etc but to keep as many of us alive food shops, banks, hospital, etc need to stay open but there are also concerns for the disabled, elderly and the vulnerable, which also needs more awareness on.

Depression is a huge concern anyway without risk of a virus and lots of people face it, but there's even a risk for those who didn't face it beforehand facing during the virus spread as well as it increases for those who face it anyway, which is again a huge concern. This where free counseling is needed even if it's online etc, due to the risks of suicides as time as time goes on as if it's not a high increase already.

It's possible to give handfuls of advice etc but it's not helpful for everyone. Things like during the lockdown, work online from home, do a course online from home, write poems, draw, etc for example. I understand it's not for everyone but feel free to post, write about, etc your favorite hobby, film, etc. Even introduce yourself to the members.

Mental health, emotional stress, and emotional abuse.

Suicides aren’t selfish people just want their pain to end. It’s okay to be not okay, I know it’s easy for me to say but I haven’t forgotten what it was like.

However,’ you deal with your feelings and emotions only you can decide, but my advice please do not spend too long bottling things up inside you.

Never think you are not worth it because, you mean something even a lot to a lot of people or someone, whether it’s friends, family or and just one person.

Whatever or whoever is to blame for making you feel and think however you do, don’t let them or it beat you.

It may be hard to see and you may feel worthless and hard to see but you do have a life Infront of you that you may not think you have, sorry I don’t know what but I didn’t know myself what twenty – four to twenty – years ago from now, somehow not sure how I stuck in there and glad I did.

Research into the Bird Watcher who spies.

No real reasons for this story other than been born into a one parent family and that I have disabilities, despite of that I could read and write but couldn’t seem comprehend information, which didn’t make me feel equal to others and still doesn’t to this day but I have a imagination.

Every new term after a holiday or weekend when going back to school on a Monday morning, we always had to write in our rough books what we did during in our break from school. I either had too much going on in my head or nothing at all. I know they wouldn’t have liked it if I wrote nothing at all but I could always remembered what I did yesterday a few days ago but I could say so many years ago, therefore I used to write make up stories which they didn’t like either as they saw you as telling lies. I think it was the very strong tablets I was taking for Epilepsy that made me have an over act mind to no mind at all.

I was never really very good at many subjects but not too bad at English, art and swimming.

I was nine to ten years old at the time when Miss Cole told me off for making up what I wrote in my rough book round about 1979 to 1980.  I still see Miss Cole’s curly hair, Cracked and wriggled face. She must have been about 50 ish at the time, my age now. Dog Tooth checked cream, brown winter coat, cream low heeled shoes. Strangely I found it hard to like at the time, but I guess now I quite respect her, so it was probley not as bad as I thought. However,’ she was a needle work teacher, which wasn’t my skill or subject, still isn’t. It used to take me at least an hour to thread a needle.  She I was an only child up until I was thirteen, so it was more loneliness really to the point my Grandmother was my Mother, my Mother and Aunt were my sisters, Tony, Susan and Ben were.  With this character I will base her in the Bird Watcher that Spies.

The main character of this story is Lee Deans who was a bully but always wanted what he couldn’t have in life once he had been in so much trouble he’d look at other ways to make others unhappy, reason for this is raising awareness of bullying, which I have been through in my school life and so have many others. There’s no excuse for bullying and no real answers to why bullies bully. Most people say that it’s often they are unhappy in their own lives for whatever reason but why take it out on others? We need support to help victims, and those who could take their emotions on others and also to prevent as many suicides for people who feel that way because they have been bullied.  

Just to say that Lee was a mischievous character, he was always looking for someone to have it in for or even always wanted something out of life he couldn’t have like Dan’s girlfriend Joanne. I based Miss Cole on Miss Cane but not all Miss Cole was Miss Cane, where Miss Cane gave into Lee near enough the end of the Bird Watcher Who Spies. There are a lot of unanswered questions to why Lee was how he was, he had no reason to be how he was. Not that was any worse off he came from a middle class family and both parents loved one another, only the fact he was the youngest eight children and Mum was about forty – six when she had him and most of his brothers and sisters had grown up and left home, in fact it’s possible the oldest child had his first flat by the time Lee was born so I can only guess that Lee was rather spoiled. He loved the Rolling Stones and Mick Jagger was his hero and did everything to try and look like Mick Jagger. Most people didn’t like the way Lee tried to make himself out to be someone he wasn’t, but he was very mischievous but very Checkley. For example, the Saturday afternoon when he came with a pair of his father’s binoculars and a pair of ladders to the park with him.

When Lee came back to school after been ex spelled for a year. He was in Miss Cane’s class, which was the 6^th form. Lee was expelled for bullying kids and items etc.  By then he lost a great friendship with Dan and Joanne, neither of them spoken to Lee if ever years after they all left school, even though they were always in the same class. Just before after the 6^th form Lee never bothered Joanne and Dan since he had been in Detention for causing problems for them that Saturday afternoon in Saint James’s park when he was making out he was doing a Bird project when he wasn’t and really was spying on Dan and Joanne.

I was never a bully, but I was victims of bullies, but I wouldn’t say I was perfect either because no one is. However,’ based on my experience with Miss Cole, Lee was faced with something similar with Miss Cane, this was long before they connected together. Miss Cane asked Lee to write in his rough book what he had done over the weekend.  Miss Cane wasn’t impressed with what he wrote. Lee made him self out to be living in a 200-year-old farmhouse with Joanne, Miss Cane and Sammy. Lee saw Sammy in a red mini skirt driving a red mini. Outside was a random duck pond in the garden with drake ducks. The house had a water heater with non- stop hot water, very pricey Lee Deans, a boiler has non – stop water plus a coal fire roaring costing even more money and the house must have been roasting like an oven. There was about goodness knows how many blankets on the bed.  A grey three pence penny sweet, pale blue carpet, walls and ceiling in the living room and a portable tv, no DVDs, video players or computers in those days.   

What can I say about Dan? Despite of a negative family background he was a very together lad, like us all he had his bad points about his as well as good like us all. On the whole he never wanted for much. He loved the Beatles in the 60s and his hero was John Lennon, loved his solo music right through the 70s. Pretty much like his girlfriend Joanne he loved his art and English very much into his poetry.  Compared to Lee Dan never tried to be like his hero, he was just an orderly lad with swept black shiny curly hair, dark brown eyes, casual dressed, black leather jacket, with turned up jeans, he never tried to be someone he wasn’t.

Dan’s Mother was treated unfairly by his Father. His father was a heavy drinker, he used to bet, etc a lot and he used to beat her a lot. She ended up working all the hour's god sent to keep the family as a nurse. Dan was always out a lot to try and avoid the stress between his Mother and Father. Bill Richards Dan’s Father was very well known around the pubs etc. As a kid, Dan, his brothers, and sisters used to put their heads under the blankets at night to avoid hearing their Mother screaming. At the end of the ’60s Jen couldn’t take anymore Bill’s behavior to a point it was ground to divorce but she still had one or kids still not old enough to leave home to point money wise she was struggling to raise them then she had to battle with her employer to increase her hours more. Dan had been of the older children found himself raising his younger brothers and sisters till he left home, then they lived and at home for a few yrs until Jen retired.

I’ve been working on this story on and off since 1996, last time I looked at it was seven years ago, when I created Miss Cane. It’s now 2020 and the world is facing a Coronavirus crisis so face to face contact is limited because of the virus spreads, therefore, I’m spending a lot of time at home alone. Not that I would have come back to this story sooner or later but other things I have had going on which aren’t taking place now because of the virus, which gives me a good reason to do more work to this story so who knows what will happen?

I based the story in 1960 but who knows I may change the time period not sure, depends how things pan out as time goes on, if and when the virus passes, will do my best to carry on until I finish this story one way or the other whatever happens.

If any reason drew me to write this story, one reason may well be was when my ex-Partner left me for someone else, they met on the workplace over twenty years ago, he always blamed the staff he worked with for encouraging him but the boss had said if they don’t pay attention to their work, he would be talking their engagement rings off them.