It was Saturday 25th December 1993, my Mother brought me a private diary with a key. I just wrote about the things that were going through my at the time. Nothing seemed to make sense as my pen found it hard to go in time to the things I was thinking in my mind. At the time of writing this diary, my Mother brought my sister Holly a dog named Eddie. He was a very different kind of bred meaning new rare bred at the time, He a small Polish Lowland sheep dog. He was like a white teddy bear. He would grab everything insight, run away and play with it, whatever it was. Clothes off the clothes horse and teddy bears ripped to pieces,he was mad but lovely.
I took a look back at the 1993 diary, which was my first diary. It brought all back to me having that mini sewing machine another Christmas present off my Mother. I couldn't manage it very well due to the Dyspraxia in my hands which was unknown at the time.
I will be honest to say that I wasn't as educated then as I am now even though I thought I was. I was only twenty - three years of age I thought I knew it all but I knew nothing. The world was new, too big and wide to me although I didn't see it at the time. You realize you know nothing when you mistakes and full back on your face, that's when you do learn the hard way but then you still know nothing at all.
I came out of school knowing nothing because of been a slow learning, it made think that there was nothing for me in life but then I have proved myself wrong but then no one knows everything what a boring world if we all did!
Even back Christmas 1993, I said people spend and make a lot of fuss and money for one day Christmas day. In my first diary I was trying to the fuss of Christmas cakes, mice pies Christmas dinner and etc that make me and many others like me fat.
I told you on the 26th December 1993, that I did some typing but I can't remember what I writing about, if I have still got that writing I would know it was or whether I dated it or not. I have written so much in 20 years but nothing really has been published about from a poem each published in eleven but then Poetry Now! the publishers ripped me off.
I learned how to knit at the age of 16, my hands couldn't grip the needles due to my unknown Dyspraxia still to this day I don't know whether I have got or not. I am not knitting as much now because my interest has become bigger in my writing, it surprising how much of my time is taking up with my writing, Advocacy, learning disability and mental health awareness training. I think at the time of writing this diary I was knitting a white jumper which I don't think ever got finished.
I polished the table and fire place. At about that time people stopped using coal fire, which they only used as fire places. Just by looking at them as a writer I thought about coal fires roaring as they are lit, which I tried very hard to think about ideas for stories which never came out successful. I have missed those warm Christmas feelings as a child when it came to coal fires. I started to realize 20 years ago I became an adult, things were changing for me, what was there about ten years before had gone.
I had been writing about facts and feelings. In all honestly back in those days I fell hopelessly in love with Steven Preen from Worcestershire, he seemed full of charm and he could charm the water off a ducks back but there was also the evil side of him too, which I knew I had to get away from whether I loved him or not. At the time I was totally blind. He was always after other woman and he made himself to be the big I am but he wasn't. He said he'd got this and that but he hadn't. Yet when that relationship ended at the time felt like the end of the world. Six mouths later I realized it was for the best.
I started my autobiography back in February 1993 but didn't start this diary tell December of that year. Twenty years on I find it hard to work out whether I have finished or not. When I started it I was only twenty - three years old, I had people telling me I hadn't lived long enough to write. I looking back now at the age of forty - four I know they were right, which could explain why it's taking so long. There again what I could do is link the diaries I have write to my autobiography, if look out for those pieces of work on here. For someone as young as I was when I starting writing I had a lot on my mind at time yet there were times I had writer's blocks, used to drive me mad when I was in a mood to write. Now I have grown to accept because I have been through that many times over the years. Even after twenty years nothing has been published because with my disability the support is just hard to find, which is no different to other writers. I may even have except that I may not make not everyone does. Saying that some people are luckier than others. When I wrote which was then chapter ten in my autobiography, ' Living with Adults.' I forgot to write about the time my Mother and Aunty Vicci were watching the film ' Love Story' . I was eight years old at the time. I never understood why tears were running down their eyes as they were watching the film but they were laughing. I brought the toilet roll in, put it on the coffee table.
" Dry your eyes you silly pair!" They just laughed at me more than the film I think in the end. Even now I don't understand silly pair ha ha. I never took that much interest in the film to be truthful, which handy surprising I didn't understand my Mother and Aunty laughing and crying at the same time but then I was only eight years of age. In those days I was on tablets for fits.
I can't remember what number chapter it was. I have changed the number of chapter and titles a lot of the years in that autobiography. I wrote a chapter My Adult Life. Like I said about people telling me I was too young to write an autobiography because I hadn't hardy lived. What I wrote about was what I had done so far from when I left school at 16 until I was 23, you may well think when read it a fair bit but I added more over the years as I made those moves in my life.
On 30th December 1993, My old school friend Molly came down to my Aunties with her sons. Twenty years later she's on her death bed with month cancer, which is complicity heart breaking.
We spend a lot of time together as children. Sadly we did't see each other a lot over the years during adult hood. I could be wrong but I think she mixed with a lot of people who got into drugs and that. When it comes to situations like this it can be very hard. It's so sad we can't turn back the clock. A lot of things we don't realize until it's too late. Back in Charlies Dickens time there was a lot of homeless people becoming hungry and ill during the 19th century. These people never know what was wrong with them and doctors never really knew what the right treatment was, which hasn't changed much today. With the cuts of the NHS and that I feel the world is slowly going back to where it was in the 19th century. Like Charlies Dickens I want to make a difference in peoples' lives. When I started writing back in February 1993 I watched the news at ten about the Council Care homes closing down, which strangely inspired me to write. I was recovering from cancer of the throat at my Grandmothers.
It was the 31st December 1994. New year and better started I thought I was in love with another young man Anthony Shone who I met on the 16th May 1994. To me he was my first serious love. The relationship was on and off for 13 and a half years. I guess I took on Anthony what I had been through with Steven but we we both to blame the damage of our relationship, which is a very long story.
I remember been inspired by Charles Dickens stories about the hard times people had in those times. People who are worse off than myself yet it turned I was working for Mencap back in 2007, which is a learning disability charity. I was Group Advocacy worker and Learning Disability Awareness trainer for an Advocacy group called Our Shout. Due to the government cutting funding it folded in 2011, which was a heart breaking job to lose. Fro May 2011 to December 2011 I had nothing going for me other than my writing, I just went into deep depression during those mouths.
I took a look back at the 1993 diary, which was my first diary. It brought all back to me having that mini sewing machine another Christmas present off my Mother. I couldn't manage it very well due to the Dyspraxia in my hands which was unknown at the time.
I will be honest to say that I wasn't as educated then as I am now even though I thought I was. I was only twenty - three years of age I thought I knew it all but I knew nothing. The world was new, too big and wide to me although I didn't see it at the time. You realize you know nothing when you mistakes and full back on your face, that's when you do learn the hard way but then you still know nothing at all.
I came out of school knowing nothing because of been a slow learning, it made think that there was nothing for me in life but then I have proved myself wrong but then no one knows everything what a boring world if we all did!
Even back Christmas 1993, I said people spend and make a lot of fuss and money for one day Christmas day. In my first diary I was trying to the fuss of Christmas cakes, mice pies Christmas dinner and etc that make me and many others like me fat.
I told you on the 26th December 1993, that I did some typing but I can't remember what I writing about, if I have still got that writing I would know it was or whether I dated it or not. I have written so much in 20 years but nothing really has been published about from a poem each published in eleven but then Poetry Now! the publishers ripped me off.
I learned how to knit at the age of 16, my hands couldn't grip the needles due to my unknown Dyspraxia still to this day I don't know whether I have got or not. I am not knitting as much now because my interest has become bigger in my writing, it surprising how much of my time is taking up with my writing, Advocacy, learning disability and mental health awareness training. I think at the time of writing this diary I was knitting a white jumper which I don't think ever got finished.
I polished the table and fire place. At about that time people stopped using coal fire, which they only used as fire places. Just by looking at them as a writer I thought about coal fires roaring as they are lit, which I tried very hard to think about ideas for stories which never came out successful. I have missed those warm Christmas feelings as a child when it came to coal fires. I started to realize 20 years ago I became an adult, things were changing for me, what was there about ten years before had gone.
I had been writing about facts and feelings. In all honestly back in those days I fell hopelessly in love with Steven Preen from Worcestershire, he seemed full of charm and he could charm the water off a ducks back but there was also the evil side of him too, which I knew I had to get away from whether I loved him or not. At the time I was totally blind. He was always after other woman and he made himself to be the big I am but he wasn't. He said he'd got this and that but he hadn't. Yet when that relationship ended at the time felt like the end of the world. Six mouths later I realized it was for the best.
I started my autobiography back in February 1993 but didn't start this diary tell December of that year. Twenty years on I find it hard to work out whether I have finished or not. When I started it I was only twenty - three years old, I had people telling me I hadn't lived long enough to write. I looking back now at the age of forty - four I know they were right, which could explain why it's taking so long. There again what I could do is link the diaries I have write to my autobiography, if look out for those pieces of work on here. For someone as young as I was when I starting writing I had a lot on my mind at time yet there were times I had writer's blocks, used to drive me mad when I was in a mood to write. Now I have grown to accept because I have been through that many times over the years. Even after twenty years nothing has been published because with my disability the support is just hard to find, which is no different to other writers. I may even have except that I may not make not everyone does. Saying that some people are luckier than others. When I wrote which was then chapter ten in my autobiography, ' Living with Adults.' I forgot to write about the time my Mother and Aunty Vicci were watching the film ' Love Story' . I was eight years old at the time. I never understood why tears were running down their eyes as they were watching the film but they were laughing. I brought the toilet roll in, put it on the coffee table.
" Dry your eyes you silly pair!" They just laughed at me more than the film I think in the end. Even now I don't understand silly pair ha ha. I never took that much interest in the film to be truthful, which handy surprising I didn't understand my Mother and Aunty laughing and crying at the same time but then I was only eight years of age. In those days I was on tablets for fits.
I can't remember what number chapter it was. I have changed the number of chapter and titles a lot of the years in that autobiography. I wrote a chapter My Adult Life. Like I said about people telling me I was too young to write an autobiography because I hadn't hardy lived. What I wrote about was what I had done so far from when I left school at 16 until I was 23, you may well think when read it a fair bit but I added more over the years as I made those moves in my life.
On 30th December 1993, My old school friend Molly came down to my Aunties with her sons. Twenty years later she's on her death bed with month cancer, which is complicity heart breaking.
We spend a lot of time together as children. Sadly we did't see each other a lot over the years during adult hood. I could be wrong but I think she mixed with a lot of people who got into drugs and that. When it comes to situations like this it can be very hard. It's so sad we can't turn back the clock. A lot of things we don't realize until it's too late. Back in Charlies Dickens time there was a lot of homeless people becoming hungry and ill during the 19th century. These people never know what was wrong with them and doctors never really knew what the right treatment was, which hasn't changed much today. With the cuts of the NHS and that I feel the world is slowly going back to where it was in the 19th century. Like Charlies Dickens I want to make a difference in peoples' lives. When I started writing back in February 1993 I watched the news at ten about the Council Care homes closing down, which strangely inspired me to write. I was recovering from cancer of the throat at my Grandmothers.
It was the 31st December 1994. New year and better started I thought I was in love with another young man Anthony Shone who I met on the 16th May 1994. To me he was my first serious love. The relationship was on and off for 13 and a half years. I guess I took on Anthony what I had been through with Steven but we we both to blame the damage of our relationship, which is a very long story.
I remember been inspired by Charles Dickens stories about the hard times people had in those times. People who are worse off than myself yet it turned I was working for Mencap back in 2007, which is a learning disability charity. I was Group Advocacy worker and Learning Disability Awareness trainer for an Advocacy group called Our Shout. Due to the government cutting funding it folded in 2011, which was a heart breaking job to lose. Fro May 2011 to December 2011 I had nothing going for me other than my writing, I just went into deep depression during those mouths.
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