Saturday 31 December 2016

If only you knew what feels like.

This is not a cry out for help.

This is not a cry out for help.
This is not seeking attention, we are just making you aware of our conditions.
This is a very down feeling with or without a reason.
No one wants to feel like they do.
No one wants to take how they feel on others.
No one wants to leave others in sadness.
Just when you feel like this, life feels painful to live but it doesn't mean you want to leave the world to grief.
We are not nuts, it doesn't make us suffer worse than others the way you may think we think, we just cope in a different way to you.
We would say if we really truly knew why ourselves, it may well pass but then it comes back, we are up and down which can happen to anyone but we are just more so often than, those who do not face Mental Health .
We are not asking for the world, we are asking to learn and understand about us. 30. 12.2016


Misunderstood.

So you think I am all black and white sorry to disappoint but you are wrong, we can be quite bright when we see the light.
There's more to me and others the same or not much different to me.
We are always what we sound and appear to be.
Just because you may see us laughing and smile, doesn't mean we feel the same inside.
We are not fake people and we are not attention seekers either.
Feelings emotion can vary from time to time and or person to person, not all people manage their conditions the same.
It may depend on the people and situations around us.
Not everyone faces and reacts to life the same.
Mental Health is hidden, it's not a lie.
It's not something we decide to be ourselves, it just happens and nobody knows why.
We are not fake, we are real but sensitive people. 3012.2016

Every day I ask myself.
What happened?
Why did it happen?
When did it happen?
If only I knew because I feel that you would be at peace if I did so would I.
No reason is good enough you should be here.
Doesn't how you felt about me, I loved you and I always will.
However you felt about me, I would sooner you would be alive than where you are now.  30.12.2016


December.

Your birthday gave me a mixer of emotions, wishing you were here as the party animal you were.
Days before and after you birthday have seemed very dark and dull, leaving me to wonder why you left this world.
Not easy to move on anyway but even harder with the unknown.
I have tried to stop myself asking myself questions knowing full well I get no answers, which is not easy.
What I do know is that you would tell me to stop be so daft and move on with my life.
Yes, you're right, I'm not very good at it am I? 30.12.2016

Drinking and poetry.

Through been over tried and drinking emotions tend to get taken out on the wrong people, which should wait to be written on paper.
It's not poetry, it's just words that has come out of my head, words of emotions.
I haven't been sleeping right since you left this world with all these questions I can't answer coming into my head.
I haven't took sleeping pills, I have drank instead only huge amounts now and then.
I sit at my computer desk with words pouring out my head that don't make any sense, then it goes blank as I wonder what to write. 30.12.2016

No point.

It seems life is not worth living when you weren't meant to be here in the first place.
Sorry be so sad, take no notice of me it's just a wrong feeling of opinion I had.
I don't feel like anyone.
Who are you?
I may as well not be here at all.
Sorry, to feel this way I just want to end it all.
Sorry, it was just what I was feeling at the time when I wrote these lines. 30.12.2016

Words are words.

Say good or and bad words about I don't care.
They are words, they don't hurt me.
Do whatever you like me, I will leave this earth as a door mat.
I will fall down and get back up again.
I am used to people treat me how they want, I don't care how they treat me anymore.
If others think I am a laughing stock so what I'm as strong as an ox. 30.12.2016

I keep feeling the need to do it.

I keep feeling the need to do it but I haven't got the guts.
Too scared of heights and I don't think I am strong enough.
If only I knew why I feel the way I do.
Open the window and let me fly to the sky.
Life is a pain and sadness, I don't feel selfish to do it but I feel guilty and ashamed that I feel this way.
30.12.2017











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