Poems 2020 to 2022

 Behind the mask.

Smiles and laughs don't mean we are feeling completely happy, we are just trying to manage in life and we have no intentions of being fake either. 

Never judge anyone for feeling however they may feel, no one should feel ashamed or guilty but remember those around you have feelings too.

There are times most people find it hard to say how they feel without being misunderstood or and fearing they may take it out on others without meaning to.

However, we are all human no one is perfect not everything is down to Mental illness, etc but Mental illness, etc doesn't help us either. 

Never guess or and judge anything or and anyone you don't know.

The happiness you may see but underneath there may be a great of sadness, which is unknown unless one says but they shouldn't be forced to say either.

Want to end the pain, not life.

 We are what we are and who we are.

Life around us isn't necessarily the cause of the way we are feeling, in most of us the answers are unknown to ourselves even to why we may feel as we may do.

We just want the negative feeling to end and most of us struggle to know how to go about moving forward and positive, which may take a short, long time, or never. 

Ending life seems to the person feeling as they do like the only way out of ending how they feel and most of us can only see that way of dealing with it.

Never think we don't think of those left behind because we do.

Despite of counseling, therapy, emotional support, etc, there is even though most of us don't know who would find counseling, therapy, emotional support, etc is a challenge for them to look into let alone go for. 

I closed my eyes.

I closed my eyes last night at the end of the night, with no sign of sleep for hours after I turned off the light. 

The darks black clouds and shadows came over me underneath the sheets. 

Now living in fear as my black pen writes not able to keep up with the thinking of my mind.  

So many black shadows and clouds I see inside my closed eyes and racing mind. 

The mind is talking. 

Call me mad, call me insane but there should be no shame of thinking talking mind, many would say the first sign of madness but one shouldn't judge a book by its cover.

Many would say the monster mask inside and out the anxious mind. 

I hear voices in my mind that can either talk a long time or go completely blank a lot.

The voices tell me I am sad, bad, crazy, and mad, it takes me a long time to think otherwise.

If the world thinks the same as my mind, it is a challenge for me to stop my mind from thinking and even talking a lot. 

It's all in my mind so they may say, there's no way it will go away hay, hay-like the devil eating up inside. 

Who am I, who are you?

Who am I, I am nothing but just me.

No one else and nothing else but I am human not an item or an object.

What I write is words not poems every day, well not every day only when I have words in mind to write.

My mind cannot be thinking about death as I keep on telling my mind to shut up. 

It's just the negative that I feel inside but then let's look on the bright side new year has started and spring is yet to come. 

Bring on the green monkey that swings by its green leaves tree to tree eating his bananas.

 Depression no you don't beat me.

Depression you beat me but then you don't.

You are like water crying in my mind and there is no reason for you to make me feel this way.

You make me negative but then you don't I am not all black and white because of you, you are not making others think of me otherwise.

You make me feel empty, lonely inside but then you don't because there's no reason to.

You try to stop me from doing the things I want to do but then you don't because I won't let you stop me. 

I fight with under sleep and overeating because of you but somehow and in some way I get through. 

You make me feel hopeless and anxious but then you don't  I  get through. 

You are like a voice in my mind I battle through my mind twenty - four seven. 

Yes, you can get to me then you don't because poetry is my therapy. 

There's no one side.

Life is not all negative, it is positive too.

The dull grey rainy sky becomes the bright yellow sun, sand, and blue sea.

Happy new year to you all, drink until your heart is content but don't need to drink to write poetry.

one is neither right nor wrong in one's state of mind.

One is not necessary who and what you see, one can be so easily misunderstood.

Mixed up and scared of what may happen the unexcepted or and the unknown.

Like they see no other way of managing feelings other than ending one's life, where they find it hard to see the way forward and the bright side of life. 

Unknown thinking.

One feels alone finding it hard to see that they are not alone.

Aware of all night thinking random thoughts going through one's head, trying not to dread and trying not to feel as if you want to be dead. 

Trying to think positive is not easy when you feel so low.  

Struggling to sleep as you turn off the light, without meaning to you overthink or and even over worry, which is a panicky scary feeling.

Not everyone you like, love, etc you can always have in your life and trust forever, some people in time let us down. 

For most of us, it can be a struggle to get used to those who let down been out our lives but we learn we don't need them, which is we thought we knew them but we didn't but not everyone is the same. 

Don't give up.

Things won't go wrong all the while and things won't go right all the while.

Even when you are okay there could be struggles along the way, most things could even wait another day, what do you say?

Being unsuccessful doesn't make you a failure, most people may think you are but they are only talking about themselves, don't let them run you down.

Most people learn from their mistakes so will you.

Every cloud has a silver lining.

What seems so far away may be closer than you think.

Try not to give up the way forward sooner than it seems. 

Mental health speaks.

Fear is a worry,  fear is panic, fear is a scar. 

We tend to be afraid of what may happen and or afraid of the unknown. 

Those who try to control the world try to control our minds.

Death hurts those left behind as much as those who are feeling they are taking their own lives. 

Never judge those who say they feel as if they are feeling as they going to take their lives, they are not selfish, they don't want to end their lives, they want to end their sadness, anger, and pain.

They are struggling to find ways to cope.

Never force a voice to speak or not to speak, they will say what's on their mind they want, who they tell or and don't is their choice too. 

No one needs to be a counselor, therapist, ofter emotional support, etc, friends or and family can offer help too, etc. 

Poetry says

Poetry says nothing but words and sentences, which is the purpose of saying what is on the mind.

To say what one thinks of life around, how they feel, what they see etc.

The voice and thoughts that speak poetry.

December and Xmas have been and gone pointless money spent only for one day Xmas day, now a new year is here and spring is on its way.

January, February, winterly snowy months, and cold but spring and summer are yet to come.

The blue sky, bright yellow sun, the sand and sea on the beach. 

 

New year new start, interduction to new poems

As I have said in most posts Mental health and Mental illness are not all negative or should I say it doesn't need to be. However' Sorry if I have made myself misunderstood of course no one enjoys having Mental illness but those of us who live with it know it doesn't go away but there are ways of living in positive ways but to understand it's not easy for everyone who faces it as I face it myself. 

As you all know we have just faced Xmas, new year and for two years nearly three we have been living with the Covid Crisis which affects everyone one way or another. Easy said than done I know but let me be honest with you even the worldwide governments don't know what the future is of the Covid crisis whether it's going to go a long time, lifetime or what, which is no more different to living with Mental illness really so we cannot promise to make it go away. 

I know that's easy for me to say, which is why I say I know is a huge concern, health, safety worries about loss of lives, despite the vaccines, tests, masks, etc. It may not make us feel how we were before Covid but yes I know some, most of us are facing, worse, different than others, etc but it is worldwide. As you know no one can wave magic wands but try to bring as much positive as possible again I know it's easy to say because it doesn't help everyone but may help most of us not only live covid but even other things too apart from Mental illness. 

One thing I do understand though, it may not be something everyone is facing but I know I am not alone. Since November I have been in New York had an amazing time and going back to the UK at the end of January, all the same, you would think I would be completely sane I would think so as well but somehow no. 

Anyone who doesn't understand would think I am selfish, ungrateful, etc but it has nothing to do with what is going on in my life and I haven't been feeling all negative but pretty much so, it is the way I have been feeling inside as I said with Mental illness you can have negative feelings sad, angry, etc no matter how life treats you and that is no one's fault and neither yours. It is a huge struggle to flight and I shouldn't feel it, I am well-loved and have no reason to be upset with those around me I am just with myself or should have been. Despite of having thoughts of feeling I don't want to be on this earth anyone, I have been flighting it even before being in New York but those I know they don't deserve to be left behind.

How do I deal with it? Anyone who is feeling the same if not similar is likely to deal with it differently and those who are you are not alone even though it feels like. Don't get me wrong, it's not the same for everyone but the most common feeling this time of year and it may be in my case not sure (sad) season affective disorder, plus I have been struggling to sleep, Anxiety with my mind over-thinking, etc. Part of it could be struggling with adjusting to the time difference and I daresay I will face the other way round when I go back. to the Uk.

Without me realizing I at least to start with I have been managing my Mental illness for the last twenty-five years on and off with poetry when I had a mental breakdown over something that is nothing now but felt like everything at the time. What works for one person doesn't work for another. Before I started writing poetry I was receiving counseling, which was very new back then, and doesn't me wrong the person who was counseling me was completing amazing very helpful in the best way he could be but little I realized I was facing Mental abuse in the relationship had been in, it was only years later another great counselor told why I was taking so long to get better. Even now I wouldn't I am 100 percent over it but come a dam long way to what I was, hopefully, helps me to help others who are going through the same if not similar. 

It was hard to believe my thinking than to what my thinking is now, which is why I will never judge people in saying you will see it will get better even though most people will. Yes, I know that sounds concerning but just because of what I faced myself doesn't mean will work for everyone. I am not going to take guesses and lie to everyone even though all it is I could be wrong. Whichever way I am here for people I help however long they want me to be and anything I can't help with I find places and or people who can if the person I am trying to help wants me to. 

Now I would like to share my poems with you on this website, if you have read the website since I started writing it back in 2007, you will know my past poems are on there and even either you have only just started reading this website or you have only been so many years or however long or short your welcome to read my past and present new poem which I will be typing soon if you wish to. 

I will be honest to say there are negative and positive poems, fiction and non - fiction, mostly non - fiction. Many of my early poems which I wrote for many years are the causes of my mental breakdown and many poems as there are, are as long as I learned to live with what I faced. The new poems will be written on a new post. Also, I am hoping at some people of this year, I am hoping to get round to it rather soon on and off this month to next to reword many of my old poems. 

The reason is this although my mental breakdown really started twenty-six years ago, I didn't start to get any help till the early part twenty-five years ago but I could be working through the summer months, which was pretty much when I started writing poetry in 1997 that year.

The history and how it started.   Regardless of how the breakdown affected me, I was still somehow a twenty-seven-year-old disabled student studying my mock Engish in college. In the college library, I came across a John Keats poetry book, which inspired me because he happened to be facing similar things in his time as I was in mine. Believe it or not in school etc I struggled with taking things in, which made me anxious. I did have a fair few poems published but were cost and I would like to look into having at least most of my work published I don't expect to get it all done. However' I wrote my first poem when I was twenty-three, which again unexpected and I have forgotten the name of it, it is on this website and I will know which one it was when I see it lol. 

Again, that was an emotion but not really silly thing on my mind I needed to get over, which was a crush that at the time I didn't see as a crush over a guy I thought I was interested but he wasn't in me lol, silly I know I guess most us has gone through that in young years. I won't say who it was causing that wouldn't be fair but if you are reading this post and you remember it was you so sorry for firstly making a fool of you and myself. Secondly writing the poem that didn't tend to be, it only intended to be my way of accepting I couldn't my own way but turned out to be a poem.  If you know which one it is even if you don't I do, If you wish me to take it off, then just let me know it common box of this post and when I get to it I will search for this website to delete.  

Covid Mental health awareness

 I guess you already know that Covid is rising every second, day, minute,s, week, month, etc worldwide, which is also having a huge effect on mental illness as much as restrictions are protecting health and safety. It can be hard to focus on too many things at one time. Therefore' other illnesses etc are not or and haven't been such as cancer etc due to Covid. It is hugely concerning the number of mental illnesses, suicides,  cancer, etc have or have increased. Here is a link on mental health. Here's some awareness of mental health in the Covid lockdown on the mental health foundation website. https://www.mentalhealth.org.uk/our-work/research/coronavirus-mental-health-pandemic/ https://www.mentalhealth.org.uk/our-work/research?utm_source=ppc_google&utm_medium=paid_ads&utm_campaign=research&gclid=CjwKCAiAtouOBhA6EiwA2nLKH_KuXkMmNW2KQ8vUTtTeHGvI7aLwknyaGORjUlri5tKYtAkYUFecVRoCQEYQAvD_BwE

The main thing that hits a lot of us is how the Covid lockdown has changed our lives to how life was before Covid but we must remember people were facing mental illness before covid. However' Covid I guess for a lot of people has affected them even more so because those who work or and did are either having to work from home if they can or and losing their work altogether. This is the same with courses etc but not necessary for everyone. 

Most people are confused about what they still have access to and what they don't for example health with how they say communicate with the doctor, work, courses, meetings, etc face-to-face communication is getting very less the same with other things too. Accessing things online is find probably for most people, even though most people are online these days not everyone feels safe, not everyone feels confident to learn about IT, the internet, etc, and how to feel safe. Even most of those online don't know how to access everything on there. For most online communication even though even those who find it hard still understand the covid safety still find most if not all online issues hard to access, can cause most people with mental health a lot of stress, Anxiety, etc. 

For example also at the start of the covid period with the rules were changing a lot even though most had much good reason to do so the unknown and unexcepted can put fear into many of those who face mental health. Although I don't disagree with getting out is good for mental health but rather confusing for those who face it, when they are told for example one day they are allowed to sit on the park bench and the day they are not. It's good to get fresh air and that but if you struggle to understand the rules when they are changing etc that can get very confusing. 

For many of us who face illness can find it hard to focus on things and hard to motivate ourselves physically as well as mentally. Even things we are interested in and good at are a challenge for us. However' even more so the things we are not good at and the things we don't enjoy. For a lot of you, I would guess you understand it's common sense not to try to empower someone with something they are not interested in and cannot do, which could make them worse. As for the things they can do and what they enjoy in most common cases it could be because at the start of feeling as they do for example they could be feeling sad, angry, etc a lot due to Anxiety, Depression probably even other or and mental illnesses can affect concentration and or motivation badly. They could stop for a long or short amount of time because they could lose interest and concentration in things they normally are then it can take however long or short to get back into them.  In the times of the early lockdowns and even now to most degrees can be rather hard for those who need support as in the early stage of covid a lot of us were made through Covid rules to spending a lot of time alone. With most not all things support can be rather hard online compared with face-to-face. Not forgetting all that I have written about today can affect people other problems such as disabilities etc in the same way but I guess some more than others etc, which can vary from person to person.

Voice of mental health awareness

 Mental health is part of the way we feel, which can vary in different people with and without a reason whether it is a good or bad feeling inside us, our reaction may not be necessary be what is around us, which may be a reaction to something else or just the way we are feeling anyway, the concerning part is if we are feeling negative a lot.

A lot of negative feelings can affect the lives around us, forcing, self-esteem, self-confidence, etc, which can affect most of us where we may not be showing interest in things we would normally where we could get back into them in our own time or not at all. 

Working on the positive is a good thing but it may take some people longer than it does others, depending on how they are feeling and what they are through how much it is affecting them or it may not be anything at all but they may be still feeling negative for however short or long. This could be concerning to a point where they could be finding it hard to tell anyone or maybe in some people's cases only certain people, which is likely to be different for different people. 

It is up to each individual whether or not they will, want to, etc to voice how they feel, etc, we cannot force anyone to talk or not to talk no matter much and how little or no talk, they talk. However' most may necessarily decide to talk right away or not at all but no one can help with what we don't know, which is concerning the risk of those suffering alone where whatever is on the mind could get worse.  How long can these people cope with what's on their minds? In most cases, risks are suicides cases, etc.

Common fears most people may have of talking, fear of opening to those who they don't know or and trusting people, etc. 

Most people would rather try to cope themselves. I will have to be open and honest even though most people may not like what I say but it is the choice of every individual what they choose but all these concerns and reasons are worrying. Despite the help such as counseling etc out there but there's never enough help as far as mental illnesses are concerned but however much help people it is down everyone's choice. However, help isn't just down to counselors, therapists, etc. 

 The people themselves people around them, how people feel comfortable etc to know who they feel they can trust, those they may know, etc, which I know doesn't always work that way but we cannot force people to do what they don't want to or and what they feel they cannot do, etc or they may not feel ready to do or try to do whatever yet, etc. https://mylifepsychologists.com.au/what-are-the-benefits-of-cognitive-behaviour-therapy-cbt/

http://www.thecbtclinic.com/pros-cons-of-cbt-therapy

As I have said in many other posts on this website people with mental illnesses aren't all negative and even those who are struggling to think positive are not all negative please do not judge.

 This is because is most people self - confidence, self-esteem motivation, etc, most people even struggle to change or and many have known very little or and no positive. Mental illness can take a lot of people and can be more serious in some people than others. In some people it may depend is if or if not there's a reason for how they are feeling even or and they are behaving, reacting, interacting to the situation of there is a situation such as say a relationship, marriage break up, death of someone they know, career problem loss, friend, family row, fall out, money problems, etc, which is emotional situations. 

How do you help them to move to the positive all to when they can, want to, etc, is when the right time is, is any right time, etc. You can suggest ideas, give options, choices, etc but not tell them what to do. Right or wrong choice it's there choice whether they go left, center, right, go for it, not at all, think about it, or they may say I am not ready yet, etc or they change their minds on things, etc. 

On the positives, it's about what they want and what they do and doesn't want to try, are they ready to take those steps? Yes, no, not yet or not at all while being your program they may not go along with your ideas or their own only because may doesn't mean they won't find ways of moving forward in the future. 

This could be things like for example reading a book, painting a picture, etc, finding a career, etc, like I said in the last post for example you suggest reading a book they may write a poem which is not a bad thing at all it is a positive thing even if they write about what is bothering them which is another way of getting things off their chest so never judge that.  https://www.helpguide.org/find-help.htm

More on Mental health awareness

 Most if not all of must get bored with me going on about Mental health all the while but the reason I write about it is because even today with counseling, support, awareness, etc we have is never enough. Mental health is good if taken care of but it's not good if it's not taken care of and can be a risk of increasing to Mental ill-health but really  Mental ill-health is within someone through no fault their own and not always seen because most people can be afraid of the reaction of others and or many other reasons. It's not always the case but it can be so serious where so many people are driven by different reasons or even none at all to take their own lives.

 However' never judge a book by its cover Mental health even and Mental ill-health isn't always negative.  People who face mental health and mental ill-health are not sad, dangerous people, etc but their mental illness can make them feel as they do and make them misunderstand who show how they feel. At the same time that doesn't mean that their safety and yours don't matter. Mental illness can be so serious it can affect people's confidence, self-esteem, trust, etc even towards those they know really, not very well or not at all, most people towards those mostly towards those they don't know but that's not necessarily the case with everyone you will or and may come across. Mental illness isn't an excuse for how someone behaves but also mental illness doesn't help how people behave towards others and or even themselves. It is hard to understand how and why someone feels the way most people do and how those feelings can increase and how people behave as they do if they carry feeling as they do. How long can a human being stand feeling as they do whether it's sadness, anger, etc with being a danger or and upsetting themselves or and others? Why can it be? There could be reasons or and there may not be reasons like relationship breakups, family rows, deaths, falling out with friends, Covid lockdown down, just having an off day, or and no reason at all. 

How do we help someone, can we help someone? The answer to that question is that can have many different answers or and no answers because every human being is different and it would be a boring world if we were all the same. Never judge someone for not wanting to be helped in every way of trying to help is not working, it's no fault yours or theirs. Mental illness can affect self-confidence, self-esteem, motivation, even self believe in one's self and even others but not everything about a person is necessary down to mental illness either, whichever way they shouldn't be judged, etc. Anything you cannot cope with yourself means things you are not qualified, trained for, etc find those who can. For example, anything you suggest they are not going along with it, don't get angry or and mad with the person, there maybe many reasons they are not going along with your idea like they may not be ready to take whatever step yet or ever for example.

Many things could cause people to feel negative in some way. We can all feel negative one way or another at different times, that feeling could pass for a time them not even come back for a long time, etc, how, when, etc these things happen can vary for different people. When it gets concerning is if people are feeling negative a lot but that doesn't necessarily mean they are or not facing mental illness, which can depend on the people what they are facing what they are or not, or and it may be no reason at all. 

Try to empower the positive, which could be empowering them to think positive, do positive things, etc.  Never force them and push them, always give them a choice, it's likely that most people will either do something their own time or not at all. Never feel your job is a waste of time, let down, etc, if someone doesn't choose to try that's up to them that doesn't mean they won't try something else off their own back, which is a huge achievement for them or and they may find ways of moving forward when their sessions with are over, never think it's you or them either but yours and their safety matters, you are doing a great job, they may well be that some things may not be in their skills, etc or and in the case maybe they may not able to focus, etc.

Never chase them to do things like for example, I told you to have a game of football last week so if you're not going to do it now, it's the end of the session. Never say things like that. Another example is saying you suggested reading a book, then they tell you they have written a poem, never say I told to read the book not write a poem. The reason that no one wants to feel pushed and also empowered is independence, your client by doing something by writing that poem, for example, is taking their own step by moving themselves forward to helping themselves, therefore, you should be praising them not putting them down. 

More on Mental health and Mental ill - health

 Let's think about what mental illness is and isn't,  what is, is really just because it's not always seen it doesn't mean it is not real. 

We don't always know who does and doesn't face it. 

When it is shown it is very often how a person feels, behave, react, interact, and even copes and doesn't with life but not everything is down to mental health and mental illness.

 In all honesty, it can be very hard to tell in many people and many cases but we mustn't judge or guess. However, that doesn't mean there are no limits and that the safety of yours and others doesn't matter. Everyone's life matters.

 Mental illness can cause people to be a danger to themselves or and to others where they can be unaware of their only actions caused by the mental illness itself or even side effects of the treatment depending on what they face and their treatment.  

Mental illness isn't all negative and neither is good or fun, funny, etc either, mental illness is not wrong or shameful. Mental illness is not fake it is real. Mental illness is not a disease it is an illness and a condition that should be taken seriously and mostly it is not taken seriously. 

Mental health can be positive but also saying that it depends on how we cope with it but Mental ill-health makes life hard to cope with.  For example, finding it hard to focus on things whether we try to focus on things we enjoy or not, which may vary from person to person, what we are facing, etc. 

According to most researches, I have come across online up to 1 in 4 people facing mental illness but many don't open up, which is no shame in that is their choice but when not aware of no one is aware of the full numbers.

Type of mental illness such as Anxiety, Depression, Bipolar, Schizophrenia, and many more https://braindonorproject.org/someone-you-care-about-is-struggling-with-mental-illness-and-science-needs-answers/?gclid=CjwKCAiA4veMBhAMEiwAU4XRr5J0N7wY6q4sKPMiiSBQQelqouZ6BghXsx9vjMSnd7YHWx2yg6uKzBoCebUQAvD_BwE can cause different problems in different ways such as too much of something or and too little of something, which may be struggling to focus on anything at all or and always doing something non -  stop. Other things like hearing things or and seeing things that may not even be there, could even get the person who's facing it misunderstood for not wanting someone to be around or as if the person may have something to hide, which in those people is mostly not the case.

 

Supporting mental health

 Mental health well Mental-ill health is a huge part we think, feel, behave, act, react, even cope with life, etc. Many of us struggle to cope so we shouldn't be judged for not trying to cope. However there is only so much help out there and others can only do what they can to help people, which is why empowerment, advice, guidance, etc come in. Those of us who face mental - health will know is self - esteem, confidence can be hard for us but that doesn't necessarily mean we all have no intentions of trying to help ourselves.

We just may take longer than other people to help ourselves, come out of our shells, etc, which may be hard for those who don't face mental-ill health to understand or some people just may find it hard full stop, please do not judge, they are not lazy they face mental - ill-health, which can take time and patience, etc but at the same time services, etc have their rules, laws, so much training, etc. 

On the other hand, it can be shocking the number of people who cope but don't cope without trying to find help because they may worry about putting on others, etc, or even any help would be enough for them. This can be hugely concerning suicidal risks etc but can be hard to help those who don't ask for help at the same time they shouldn't be judged etc, we do not want to make them feel a thousand times worse to what they do feel

This is where we cannot force people to talk or not to talk. For those who try to get help, for those who don't face mental - ill-health it is mostly hard to understand but for those who do, even just the tiny step to try and get help at the very beginning is a huge effect and achievement for them so judgement is not what they deserve. 

The most common way to cope is getting into the route of thinking to the positive from the negative, which helps some people but may be harder for others, which doesn't necessarily mean it won't help or will, (CBT).  Never try to empower anyone to do or think about things they don't enjoy. Try to empower them to think, do things they do enjoy. Be patient as mental ill-health takes a lot out of people. This may help them right away,  however long or however short. Most services only say a six months programme, this could be for them to bear in mind not only during in the programme but after, which the choice is up to them. Just because they may not go along with it for any reason in the programme doesn't mean they necessary won't after the programme. This could be for eg; hobbies, interests,  careers they may enjoy try to empower the goals they enjoy by asking what they enjoy.  Even things they enjoy may be an effect for most people, mainly most of those who are facing Depression where that can vary but I know from my own experience that it can cause you to struggle to cope with facing anything really.