As I have said in most posts Mental health and Mental illness are not all negative or should I say it doesn't need to be. However' Sorry if I have made myself misunderstood of course no one enjoys having Mental illness but those of us who live with it know it doesn't go away but there are ways of living in positive ways but to understand it's not easy for everyone who faces it as I face it myself.
As you all know we have just faced Xmas, new year and for two years nearly three we have been living with the Covid Crisis which affects everyone one way or another. Easy said than done I know but let me be honest with you even the worldwide governments don't know what the future is of the Covid crisis whether it's going to go a long time, lifetime or what, which is no more different to living with Mental illness really so we cannot promise to make it go away.
I know that's easy for me to say, which is why I say I know is a huge concern, health, safety worries about loss of lives, despite the vaccines, tests, masks, etc. It may not make us feel how we were before Covid but yes I know some, most of us are facing, worse, different than others, etc but it is worldwide. As you know no one can wave magic wands but try to bring as much positive as possible again I know it's easy to say because it doesn't help everyone but may help most of us not only live covid but even other things too apart from Mental illness.
One thing I do understand though, it may not be something everyone is facing but I know I am not alone. Since November I have been in New York had an amazing time and going back to the UK at the end of January, all the same, you would think I would be completely sane I would think so as well but somehow no.
Anyone who doesn't understand would think I am selfish, ungrateful, etc but it has nothing to do with what is going on in my life and I haven't been feeling all negative but pretty much so, it is the way I have been feeling inside as I said with Mental illness you can have negative feelings sad, angry, etc no matter how life treats you and that is no one's fault and neither yours. It is a huge struggle to flight and I shouldn't feel it, I am well-loved and have no reason to be upset with those around me I am just with myself or should have been. Despite of having thoughts of feeling I don't want to be on this earth anyone, I have been flighting it even before being in New York but those I know they don't deserve to be left behind.
How do I deal with it? Anyone who is feeling the same if not similar is likely to deal with it differently and those who are you are not alone even though it feels like. Don't get me wrong, it's not the same for everyone but the most common feeling this time of year and it may be in my case not sure (sad) season affective disorder, plus I have been struggling to sleep, Anxiety with my mind over-thinking, etc. Part of it could be struggling with adjusting to the time difference and I daresay I will face the other way round when I go back. to the Uk.
Without me realizing I at least to start with I have been managing my Mental illness for the last twenty-five years on and off with poetry when I had a mental breakdown over something that is nothing now but felt like everything at the time. What works for one person doesn't work for another. Before I started writing poetry I was receiving counseling, which was very new back then, and doesn't me wrong the person who was counseling me was completing amazing very helpful in the best way he could be but little I realized I was facing Mental abuse in the relationship had been in, it was only years later another great counselor told why I was taking so long to get better. Even now I wouldn't I am 100 percent over it but come a dam long way to what I was, hopefully, helps me to help others who are going through the same if not similar.
It was hard to believe my thinking than to what my thinking is now, which is why I will never judge people in saying you will see it will get better even though most people will. Yes, I know that sounds concerning but just because of what I faced myself doesn't mean will work for everyone. I am not going to take guesses and lie to everyone even though all it is I could be wrong. Whichever way I am here for people I help however long they want me to be and anything I can't help with I find places and or people who can if the person I am trying to help wants me to.
Now I would like to share my poems with you on this website, if you have read the website since I started writing it back in 2007, you will know my past poems are on there and even either you have only just started reading this website or you have only been so many years or however long or short your welcome to read my past and present new poem which I will be typing soon if you wish to.
I will be honest to say there are negative and positive poems, fiction and non - fiction, mostly non - fiction. Many of my early poems which I wrote for many years are the causes of my mental breakdown and many poems as there are, are as long as I learned to live with what I faced. The new poems will be written on a new post. Also, I am hoping at some people of this year, I am hoping to get round to it rather soon on and off this month to next to reword many of my old poems.
The reason is this although my mental breakdown really started twenty-six years ago, I didn't start to get any help till the early part twenty-five years ago but I could be working through the summer months, which was pretty much when I started writing poetry in 1997 that year.
The history and how it started. Regardless of how the breakdown affected me, I was still somehow a twenty-seven-year-old disabled student studying my mock Engish in college. In the college library, I came across a John Keats poetry book, which inspired me because he happened to be facing similar things in his time as I was in mine. Believe it or not in school etc I struggled with taking things in, which made me anxious. I did have a fair few poems published but were cost and I would like to look into having at least most of my work published I don't expect to get it all done. However' I wrote my first poem when I was twenty-three, which again unexpected and I have forgotten the name of it, it is on this website and I will know which one it was when I see it lol.
Again, that was an emotion but not really silly thing on my mind I needed to get over, which was a crush that at the time I didn't see as a crush over a guy I thought I was interested but he wasn't in me lol, silly I know I guess most us has gone through that in young years. I won't say who it was causing that wouldn't be fair but if you are reading this post and you remember it was you so sorry for firstly making a fool of you and myself. Secondly writing the poem that didn't tend to be, it only intended to be my way of accepting I couldn't my own way but turned out to be a poem. If you know which one it is even if you don't I do, If you wish me to take it off, then just let me know it common box of this post and when I get to it I will search for this website to delete.
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