The character

What do you see god when you look at me?
Why did you make me?
Would you agree there's a character in me?
Why did you bring this disabled world to me?
Thank you god for making me.

Am I the human being you wanted me to be?

What are you seeing and thinking when you look down from heaven to earth at me?
You see a human being who is not very wise.
How can you see me god with those far away eyes?

As a human being I am sitting here still.
I'm human baby, child and teenager inside an adult who used to dribble her food and make no reply.
You look down from heaven to earth in a loud voice saying I wish she'd try.
Did you ever you used to notice the things I used to do like loosing a sock and shoe?
Did you notice the things my family used to do like feeding and bathing me all the days through?
Do you still see the baby in me?
If you open your eyes god I'm a disabled person who has or should the rights to live my life the same as other people and that's the same for other disabled people too.

I will tell you as the human being sitting here all through my childhood I could not see a brother and sister with me.
It was the beginning of my teenage years when my baby sister came to me.

No sign of my Father until I was twenty - one all my family were there for me from birth.

When I was a young girl of sixteen I used to dream of wings underneath my feet dreaming of the man I'd marry, how wrong was I to think such a thing. I was just too blind to see but what will will be. Never say never there's still time for me but I have also learned not to build my hopes up you see .

When I was twenty - eight I thought my life was over I thought it was too late, even though I was in love with a man who wasn't right for me.
I may go through pain in my life like everyone else but I pick myself up and move on.
I believe there's always someone for someone.
Only you god can tell me what my future is to be.
When I was a young woman of thirty I thought I'd live a normal life to be.
I though by the age of thirty I'd be rearing young of my own but now I have seen the world today it's not a safe world for children to be.
Being disabled is stopping rearing children like everyone else I just needed the support that was all.
Not everyone is lucky to have their dream home and lover to be which has taught me not to live in Farly tale land to be.
I must say it would be nice to be with a gentleman who will bond with me to love forever endlessly.

Now I am nearly forty the years are rolling fast.
I have walked out on one man who was not meant to last with me but now I have learned to see what happens when tomorrow's door opens.

Who knows where I will be when I am fifty, will there be the man for me?

My dark future will be upon me so I will now try to live my life without regret.
Loneliness and old age will give me so much to dread.
While I'm still young enough I will enjoy the life I have yet.
Old age will not make a fool out of me, if that was so what a sad character I would be.
I don't expect people to feel sorry for me, old or young I must enjoy life while I am here.

I want my peaceful body crumbled away with happiness and grace but no pain.
Now and again I will look down from heaven to earth to see the people I leave behind who I remember well.
You must accept the fact that we can't live forever.
So open your eyes god open and see, under that disabled person is an able human being and she is a real character in me.
I will still write short stories, novel, play and romantic poetry.