Anxiety and Depression in poetry.

What comes from the mind

Poetry, verses  and words.

•you anger on my mind.
You caused me so much pain inside.
You left me burning up inside like you have set me on fire.
You cut me up like a knife.
I spend twenty years of my life going from strong to weak.
I used to think that one day I was going to end my own life but then you’re not worth it at all.
I feel nothing for you no more.
The man who I thought who loved me never loved me at all.

•
I just need to get you off my mind.
My love for you was for real but your love for me was false.
How I loved you for such a long time but now I don’t like you at all.
Now I regret so much that I let you poised my mind with your mind games not knowing what you want.
Really when I think about it you didn't love me at all.
When I learned that I don't love you anymore, you then pertained you wanted me back, I've known you long enough to know that what you say it is lies and mind games.

•Now I have known you so long to a point I don't know you at all.

•I don’t think I ever knew you, you were just all in my mind.

•Now time to move on and stop going mad.
Now if I still felt the same way as I used to you'd only hurt me again, I won’t this happen anymore because I will not won’t let you hurt me again.
You can't hurt me anymore because I feel nothing for you no more nothing at all.
You've chewed me up and spat me out.
You've lied to me and lied to yourself.
You've made yourself out to be someone you are not.3rd June 2014 to 1st July 2014

• 

• Heartbreak.

I broke down when I lost your love.
I stopped I couldn't keep on.
I thought this could be the end of me, I never thought I couldn't carry on.
Years later I realized that you weren't worth losing my life over.
I was just feeling torn inside myself which was making me think I couldn't carry on without your love.
Now I don't love you anymore I don't know what was all the fuss was about .
It all seemed like a long road that was never going to end.
I never thought my mind would ever stop travelling through the journey of you.

   In time there was a bright light that shone through which was the day I stopped loving you.
I thought to myself I'm alright I've won the fight as I woke from a nightmare that was once a dream.
It was like a very long sleep that woke me up back to life.
In the end it was like, you weren't real as if you were just all just in my mind. 1st June 2014 to July 2014

••You don't hurt me no more.

My love has gone for you.
Now I love someone new.
Now I have realized all these years I loved you, I wasted so much time.
I once thought I couldn't live without you.
I once thought I was weak now I realize I am stronger than I thought.
How many chances did you think you'd get off me?
How long did you think I was going to go on wasting my times on your mind games?
How many times did you think you could break my heart and love me again when you didn't love me at all?
Yes you knocked me down but I got back up again.
It took me a lot of years to realize that I'm stronger than I thought but I got there in the end.
I may not be strong body but I am in mind. 3rd June 2014 to 1st July 2014

Stronger love.

I can trust that you won't hurt me again.
Our love is stronger whatever goes on.
I don't enjoy having epilepsy, it makes it hard for me to lead my life but I will manage somehow.
I don't let my condition put a hold on my life.
My condition may have brought us close together but then I hope it does not split us apart.
I don't want to lose you again.
At the end of the day we always get on great.
You're my best friend as well as my lover.
My darling let's work hard at this after we have both been through already.
We will get through the good and bad together.26.5.2002

Lovers.

Eating ice cream on a hot summer's day in the park.
Eating fish and chips, kissing and hugging wrapped up warm on a cold winter's night in the dark.

Eating pop corn in the back seat on the back row hugging the night away.
Drinking in the pub getting drunk, hugging and kissing September 1997

One single rose.

When the wind and rain blows one single rose lovers get washed away.
When the rain comes down the whole roses are very washed down.
When spring has just started lovers have ran.
When summer is on it's way lovers pick roses everyday. September 1997

I hope you feel the same as I do.

I am sitting writing poetry about you.
Thinking about you as I do.
You love me like I love you.
Your not only my lover but my best friend.
What ever happens.
I can't expect it to happen forever but never say never. 8.9.2002

September.

September is a mouth blowing in the wind.
September can be also warm.
Most Septembers can be cold.
Lovely India summers can happen. 12/9/2002

Molly.

Molly my longest friend.

Can't say she's my oldest friend but best friend.
Twenty to thirty odd years of knowing her since school.
Always be my best friend, we have known one another long enough.
There's no friend like Molly. 8/9/2002

War.

Protecting yourself from gas and smoke with a gas mask.
Bombs going off and going mad.
Boots getting stuck in the mud.
Sore wounds as one moves from place to place.
Hoping and dreaming that the war will be soon over to give love and peace.
Young men and woman been poisoned by gas.
Worrying about losing loved ones. 7/9/2002

I love you madly.

Hello my lovely laddie, I Love you so madly.
I hope you don't leave me so sad.
Why I am I so mad as a lass to meet such a lad?
I may as well lose love from start to end.
One way or the other I will manage to be loved again and dumped again.

I once ended up with a laddie who went off with another.
We fell in love for two and a half years, after that I had so many fears.
It took me a long time to move on, now gladly and madly I love another laddie. 1997 - 2000

I live in hope.

I live in hope that I won't you like I lost the rest of them.
I live in hope that I will hear your voice on the telephone.
There is not time that I don't think about you or miss you.

You don't have to fear me, I won't give you a hard time.
I love my freedom and space.
Most of all I love you for you.
The time we spend apart the more I enjoy seeing you.
My fear is losing you but then nothing lasts forever.
I love you so much so much.
I fear because I want to carry with what we have got. 28.8.2000

I'm in love but I have space.

No ties on my life and no strings attracted.
I am still faithful.
I love my partner and he loves me.
We can trust each other too. 28.8.2000

You have come back in my life.

We were far too young; we fell in love far too young.
We looked at each other and we knew it was love.
Two and years were long for me to feel as if I belonged to you.
Four years of sadness and falling love with someone who I did not even love.
We need to act like adults instead of children.
The door was closed for so long; we never thought the door would open again.
We never thought we'd let one another in again.
We suddenly knew that we had loved one another too long to let go of one another. 26.5.2002

It's hard but I will get by.

Not that you don't feel to same about me as you used to.
I feel lonelier than I did before.
Don't worry, don't feel bad.
Who am I, I know I am no one special at all?
Of course you are going to love again one day so will I.
He's out there somewhere but I don't know where.
I guess I won't meet him for a long time to come.
I believe he'll be just as nice as you but it's not fare to say better.
May be I live in fear of been alone but in fear of losing disappointed love again.
I guess I just except too much without meaning to.
May be I should except to be loved or live in fear of love.
This could be why every relationship has failed.
I should stop feeling sorry for myself; I know I'm not alone.
May be loneliness isn't my problem, may be it's the thought of getting old.
Then old age isn't a problem I hope I get wiser.
No rush to love again, I will take my time and won't be easy to get next time round.
Why should I go back to a bad boy after losing a good boy, maybe I will get a better boy next time. 9.12.2012

Understanding people.

The only people who understand we is we.
Freedom is important we without knowing it we control one another.
We are looked at as strange from strangers as if we have masks to cover as faces.
We are looked at as if we are wrong all the while.
We are looked as if we are not human.
We looked at if we are nuts and out of our minds all the time.
There's a fear if we are watched all the time.
What we do and say isn't wrong all the time.
A fear of people not seeing things our way a lot of the time. 9.12.2012

Hard to trust.

To be able to trust is to know that there's faith that no one will judge you for what you do and say.
To be able to face the world without fearing strange looks.
It should be easy to believe on oneself and others. 9.12.2012

 To love too much.

If you love someone let them be them self.
Don't try to make them love you because you love them.
One day your feelings will match with someone.
Be careful because many pretend to love you when they don't.
Don't pretend to love someone when you don't because then that's lieing in love.
Be yourself, others will respect you.
The secret is to not let them know you love them, let them work it out for themselves, even better unless you know for sure they love you.
They will hate you if you force their feelings to be the same as yours.
They will play with your feelings if they don't match they don't match with yours.
Be brave enough to take the pain there are plenty more that love you.
The best love takes a long time to find out about.
Don't rush feelings to go away.
Feeling will go away when they are going to. 9.12.12

 Failed love.

You may have given me pain but I gave you all the love I could.
The pain you gave me made me a stronger person in the end.
Never judge what you don't know.
You may have known me a long time but you don't know everything about me.
When the door is open is what you see of me, when it's closed the only person who knows me I am me. 9.12.12

Why did you?

Why did you play with my mind?
Why did you make me cry?
You knew I told you I loved you this is why you played with my feelings.
Now things have turned the other way round.
The only difference is that I mean what I say.
I don't feel the same towards you like I used to.
Your loss you never loved me when I did love you.
You only pretend to love me to keep me happy.
I can't believe I lived 13 and half years with a lie.
Why should I care how you feel anymore because you never cared about my feelings when I had feelings for you? 9.12.12

Feelings 

I meant everything I said babe.

May be I said what I said at the wrong time.

If you didn't mean it then I guess I have to move on again.

I know I got upset before hand but things in my life have been a bit much latterly not your fault. October 2012 – December 2012.

I can't sleep.

I can't sleep I have so much on my mind.
 It's twenty to three in the morning.
I just have so much stress that I don't want to put on you.
I am just not thinking straight at the moment.
The weather is even more cold and dark without you. 15.12.2009

I feel so low.

I feel so low and empty without you.
How did I meet you?
How did I fall for you?
How did I get myself in this state?
Why did I build up my hopes that you were the one for me?
I remember I was going through with heartache with someone else when I first met you.

Now feel the same now as I did then.
It never seems to end.
I don't want anyone but you.
Now I have tell myself that in time I will meet someone new just as I had to when I broke up with all the other lovers.

This is hard to believe to how I feel now, 6.11.2012

Hiding pain with a smile.
Sometimes the world can know too much about you.
Sometimes we should be free to have our secrets and cope alone with whatever goes wrong.
Drinking may not be the answer but tears are too locked in the eyes to cry.
Keeping oneself busy is keeping ones' self going.
Now it's too easy to fear the future.
Not wanting to be alone but not having to deal with disappointed ended love.
It's hard to know what you do and don't want let alone what's going to happen.
Try not to think about it, just get on with it with a smile.

May be it's easy to smile but hard to stop thinking about you.
No matter how I try I find my feelings for you are hard to go. 9.12.2012

When everyone knows.
When everyone knows nothing and no one what is your own.

People can know not enough or too much.
They think you only care about yourself, which is not true.
This can make you so misunderstood.
When everyone knows everything of yours nothing and no one is your own, it's there for everyone and everything.
We should all have rights to have something or someone our own. 9. 12.2012

May be if I say nothing to you.

May be if I say nothing at all to you.
You won't know how I feel about the break up.
This is why I accept your feelings and your thoughts.
The good was that nothing was said to anyone when we were together.
 I'm here to share your thoughts and feelings if you want me to in hopes that we are still here for one another the same as what we were.
Our love was a secret to the world so is our break up. 6.11.2012