All my poems part 2.

We were holding hands too.

I miss you having you next to me.

I miss us touching one another.

I miss us loving one another.

I think about you every night and day, I mist be mad.

You were my first serious love of all.

I have loved you for far too long.

I have got to learn to forget about you, which is very hard.

I must move to someone who feels the same as I do.

This hard to do when I am so in love with you.

I love and miss your company.

You always put the sunshine back into my life.

You gave me so much happiness yet you bought me so much sadness.

I have a bad feeling I won't again because you won't love me again

I will miss everything about you, no one else will do.

You are in my dreams, memory and mind.

To me you are still mine, knowing that I can't have you I'd sooner die.

You are on my mind all the time.

Love keeps on pumping round my heart and body for you.

I can't believe I am so mad to lose so much time and energy on a man like you. 21.2.2000

Truthful person.

Male or female, we are human beings.

None of us go through life without doing some things wrong.

It's not what we wrong as much as hurting others.

What hurts is others telling the truth when it hurts.
We may well still be cross but not as cross when people lie to us.

Whether one is in the right or wrong, it's important to tell the truth.

One of the reasons for the truth is because if you lie too much, you may not get believed when you are telling the truth. 10.2.2000

Go to sleep.

You need so much sleep because you work all the hours god sends.

When you sleep please dream of me!

When you wake please think of me.

Please tell me what you have been dreaming and thinking!

Please tell nice things but the truth about what you thought.

Sleep well I'll leave you in peace now.

When I am a sleep I dream about being beside you.

What wishful thinking being with you.

I miss you so much and I look forward to seeing you.

I look forward to your company and your love, no matter how much time we have together.
I am so happy to be with you.

Sometimes I don't feel as if I am with you because I see so little of you but when I am with you I feel as if I am yours.

I also feel as if your are mine.
I hope you feel the same way too. 23.5.2000 - 23.6.2000

I think I am having a breakdown.

I think I am having a breakdown I can feel someone pushing me over the edge.

Oh God help me!

There's no light at the end of the tunnel.

I am cracking up and I don't know where to turn.

I feel weak and useless for any man at tall.

I don't know where to go for help.

Why is my head telling me I am going to have a breakdown?

I can't see what's a head of me.


Is there a voice in my head telling me right or wrong?

God help me, I think I am going to die!
Can't eat!
Can't sleep!
I feel weak.

I've been down this road before, I will fight it, I will cope again.

I should not go through it again.

I have had a lot of bad luck with lots of men, I am still young and strong.

I am not getting any young but life is a fight.

Please tell me what hope there is? 21.2.200

Happy life.

What do I call a happy life?

I call a happy with the man I love, which is you my love.

What made me fall in love with you?

There are many nice reasons too but mainly because of your handsome smile.

I have found what I want to do in my career and work, which is to be a writer of love. 23.6.2000


Happiness.

Look forward to the future it is all out there for you.

You might not see it but it's there to look forward to.

You must wonder what's round the condor for you, wait and see no one knows.

Surprises are out there for you. 6.8.2000


Just tell yourself that you have a life out there.

Just tell tell yourself that you have a life out there.

Do what you want that makes you feel good and happy.

Show everyone that you can do better than them.

How your life future is up to you. 6.8.2000

Not all dreams come true.

Follow your head and your heart.

You may or may not get what you want.

Let life and the future happen.

Something or someone may make you happy one day.

It might be someone or something that you never excepted or even thought about. 6.8.2000


I think I like you.

I know I only caught an eye of you once.

I liked the look of you.

I was hoping to get round to talking to you but it did not happen til now.

I kept hoping I would see you again in a way so you and me can talk.

I wondered if you felt the way as I do too.

Please let me know how you feel about me!

If your not interested in me I will accept it.

I hope so I would really like to give it a go.19.3.2000


Your just in dream land.

Your living in dream land.

You are never right on this earth.

Why has it took me all these years to see what a boring man you really are?

I must have been blind.

I must have been such a fool.

You live such a boring life doing the same thing every day.

How can you stand her nagging you twenty - four hours a day, no way?

Can't you see your trapped under her thumb all day long?

If you put up with this forever you are a bigger fool than I thought.

You have no chance of getting back with me at all.

I am better off being alone than with you. 25.6.2000

I'll always be there for you if you want me too.


I've done a lot for a lot of guys.

They have thrown it back in my face.

Some guys I have often loved and cared for.

They did not want to know, now I understand what losers they are.

Please don't worry I am there for you all the way.

Whenever you, I will be there for you like I promise to.

Only if you want me to and too.24.5.2000


My life love is silence.

My love life is silence, in my head, in my voice and in poetry.

He goes to work on at midnight.

I dream about him every single night.

I miss him every single day.

When I do see him it's such a delight.25.5.2000

Friends to love.

We have had quite a bit to do with one another for a while now.

We have both been hurt by our ex lovers in different ways.

I don't mind being friends with you but in a loving way or whichever way you want it makes me happy.

I hope you feel the same towards me too.

I understand that life has been very hard for you, it has for me too.

I will do my best to take it easy on you.

I hope you will do the same for me too.

Whatever we decide bet ween us, I think the world of you. 9.1.2000.


When I was with you I felt like a woman.

When I was with you I enjoyed your company.

I really did enjoy your love, we had some good times and you really made me feel good.

Hugging and dancing to love songs that you used to have.

For some reason when I was with you, I felt like a woman.

I felt like a woman in love, which I was.

Why did I not feel this way before I met you but I don't feel this way any more because I am not with you any more?

Why did I not feel this way when I lost you?

May be no other man will make me feel like you did. 3.1.2000

Understanding a woman.

You should know me by now.

If you don't know me by now, you don't know any woman at all.


By now you must understand what's going on inside my mind, I have told you so many times.

Find me a man who thinks like a woman but don't find me a woman!

I know us getting back together won't ever happen, not over night not ever at all.

Please listen to what I want in life, then see if you want the same!

Try to understand how things are and what to except of me, may be that is not what you want anymore.

I have had to brave enough to love another man with getting over so long been with you.

Please tell that we will always be mates. 3.1.2000


I can live without you if I have to.

If I have got to live without you I will do.

I can take or leave your love.

If I take your love, promise you won't hurt me anymore.

I miss your love very much.

Whatever happens bet ween us both I still love you.

I will take whatever comes my love, I am strong whether you want me or not. 2.1.2000

Are you blind?

Why do you want to know whether I have another man or not?

Why do you want to know whether I am in love or not?

I am not telling you.


I am not stupid, I know you still love me the way I love you.

Even if I am not in love, what makes you think I will come back to you.

I may love you but can I trust you?

If the right man comes along, I am going for it.

If I were you get back in my life quick before another man comes along, well lucky you!

I will only know whose right by whoever comes first.

Don't make life hard for me man.

You have been a naughty man.

I forgive you as a friend.

I can put it behind me now in the way you hurt me.

Now not many women can say that, think yourself a very lucky man.

You are lucky to have a second after cheating on me for another woman but you will have no more chances.

Cheer up and relax man.
Please don't ever hurt me again, that's if I ever will have you back. 2.1.2000

Please be fare to me!

Please make up your mind what you really want from me.

You make out you want me then you do.

Why did you give me a chat up line when he was there?

Why did you storm off at the bus stop when I was standing at the bus stop with him?

Why did you tell me to be careful while I was with him?

Why don't tell and show me what you really want?

I know you still feel something for me because you seemed up tight when you saw me with him. 2.1.2000

I miss you.

I miss you because you were my first serious lover.

I miss you because we both loved and cared about one another.

You are always in my dreams and thought.

You have always been my dream lover but I must accept that I will never get you back.

There's still a lot of love inside my heart for you.

I don't think I will ever stop loving you but you broke my heart in two when you fell in love with her.

I would like to forget you but that's impossible to do.

I am so sorry I find it so hard to move on.

All the time you are always on my mind day and night.

I am not complaining about romance that does not matter.

I just want the chance of having the man I love which is you back.

You don't have to buy me anything, you just have to give me back your love. 6.10.1999 - 20.5.2006

My hopeful mysterious lover.

A mysterious a male sent me a valentine card and a teddy bear on Monday 14th February 2000.

Whoever he is, it does not feel like I will ever know.

What and who could he look like?

Is he handsome enough for me?

Will he be faithful enough for me?

I really hope this card and teddy bear is for me, not the young woman next door.

I hope he is not some teenage boy who has a crush on me.

My dream lover is dark brown or black hair.

Blond hair and blue eyes.

Whichever way round, I must take my pick. 14.2.2000

What does it feel like?

When we first met I was twenty - one.

I could not see what could go wrong.

I have given you the chance to be my Dad as you are but somehow it does not seem as if you.

I thought I could forgive and forget.

When I look you in the eye, I can't help but remember what you put me and Mum through all those years ago.

I am sorry Dad, but I have tried to forgive and forget.

I can sometimes go blank about the past but other times I can't.

Knowing that you were not around in my childhood has hurt me too much to forget.

I will still find a way of getting on with my life with and without you, don't ever think I am scared of that.

Still thing could be worse.

All the same remember things have been bad enough.

Thank god things can't get that much worse now.

I am sorry, I wish I knew how to carry on as if nothing has happened.

I am so disappointed in you at times, even if it was the past Dad.

You have lost out on a lot of years of my life.

Do you understand that? 5.7.2000

You and me.


You and me are complete, we have been together for a long time now on and off.

I can't believe I have known you twelve years.

You are not only my best lover you are also my best friend.

You never give me a rose.

You rarely show me love.

All the same I still I love the same I did when I first met you, for some silly reason. 2005 - 2006.

This is the way to look forward.

We all have good and bad in us all.

Don't ask me why, I guess that's life.

We all have to cope with good and bad times in life.

Sometimes it can last a long time, other times can last a short time.

The hardest part is leaving the good times for the bad times but if there's more bad than good there's no point staying.

When it comes to love it's a hard barrier to break when you find more bad times than good.

When or if times get really hard love is also hard to mend, never mend what's already broken.

It can drive you in sane when your feelings are hard to control, when you love someone but hate them for hurting you.

Most people feel driven to the end of their lives.

Other people just seem to get through. 2005 - 2006.

Trying to get better.

I must try to smile.

Why can't I smile?

I have not got you.

Happiness is a word that I don't know anymore.

If only you showed me the meaning of happiness more and more.

May be I would feel even happier if I knew how you really felt about me.

May be I would better if you showed me more good about you than bad.

Why do I love someone who makes me feel so happy but then again so sad?

We can have laugh together we have done it before but not for a long time. 20.11.2005.

Who knows?

When we look at someone, what can make us full in love?

If we don't have control over love, why do we hurt one another?

Is that an unanswered question?

Does anyone know anything about anything? I don't.

Who knows?

May be nobody knows anything about anything. 2005 – 2006

No sign of romance.

No flowers

No romantic meals

No songs

No romance at all.

Of course romance is just too much to ask, I just want love.

Why do I bother and put with you.

May be asking for romance is asking too much of and off you.

Why am I still in love with you?

It's so hard to break the barrier of your love but I don't know how much I can take of your hate.

Once I started loving you now I can't stop, why does it feel like you don't love me at all or not enough? 20.11.2005.

It's hard to decide.

It's hard to decide what to do we are falling out too much yet I love you too much.

I want to stay with you but enough is enough.

I am trying to make us both happy but nothing seems to work, it all seems to be getting worse.

I want a life of my own so you can have a life of your own.

I don't except a pot of gold but a job and a bit more money in my pocket would help at least a bit.

I have been trying to make a start by going to Job change, is that not good enough for you?

I am trying my hardest to make things better by starting my career off, it takes time it does not happen over night.

Apart from it been hard to get a job anyone these days, it's even harder to get a job when you have a disability like myself.

I don't except a lot out of my social life other than to talking to friends.

Please wait as long as it takes or don't love me at all.

Please let me know whether you want me or not. 20.11.2005

What do you want?

You say you want to be friends then you want to be lovers.

How long is this going to keep up?

As long as it take me to get a job, that's what it sounds like to me.

I wonder what difference me having a job would make to our relationship.

I can't go out alone without looking for you at some point due to not having enough money and my fits.

I don't enjoy this anymore than you don't.

I fear stopping in my flat at night because of my fits.

I am looking for a one ground flat, then you can be out without me looking for you. 20.11.2005

It's hard to want to carry on.

We have both worked hard to get this relationship together after twelve years.

It's getting too much going on and off like a light.

I know there is not anything perfect in this world but we should not be feeling this unhappy.

I can't live with it anymore. 2005 - 2007

Friendship.

A loving friendship bet ween a man and woman not a heavy relationship at least while getting to know one another.

Companionship is a loving feeling towards a friend, when two people love one another.

They care about one another.

They worry about one another.

To give what's missing out of life without being too serious.

To love in friendship as much as if relationship.

To learn if you can trust one another in a friendship in order to have a relationship.

To love one another very much without rushing into a relationship.

For a man and woman full in love in friendship with accepting whether it turns into a relationship or not. 1997 onwards

 Old and new poems.

A book.

A book full of life.
A book full of stories.
A book full of poems.
A book full of plays.
A paper full of news.
A magazine full of fiction and non - fiction.
A book can be a novel.

What is a book about?
A book is about love.
A book is about hate.
Difference books covers difference subjects, you can read them forever and a day.
There can be more than a thousand subjects that can cover one book, less or more. 20.8.1999


Life seems worthless.

I don't have anything in mind to wish.
When I sleep I dream about the love I used to have.
I can't dream about anything that is happening now because there's nothing happening.
My world seems empty, my head feels full of pain and I don't know what to make of this life I have now.
I don't know what will make me happy now.
I am not saying I am not happy but I can't think what I want in life.
To me everything is new.
I don't know what to do until a new day comes my way.

Some days I feel happy.
Other days I feel sad.
Most days I could laugh.
Other days I could cry.
Other days I could have anger.
Others day I could be mad.

I mostly have my days of anger when I am by myself because I feel so mixed up in my mind.
I want one thing one day another the next. 20.8.1999

Think about the 1914 - 1918 war.

A lot of young men 18 - 35 had lost their lives in the 1914 - 1918 war.
The men who are alive are mostly wounded for life.
Some men have become disabled for the rest of their lives.
Some men are blind, through bombs.
Other men have lost arms, others have lost legs.
Some men have even lost their feet.
Other men have lost eyes, ears, noses and months.
What on earth is life about?
Every town there were street sweepers sweeping the streets.
Grass covered in mud mens boots sank deep.
Smoking cigarettes because they felt down and depressed.
Walking and hiding from in the fog.
Falling into the muddy bog.
Frighting for one's life. 2.1.2000

Reasons why I write poems.

The reason why I write poems to show for the person I love.
To be able to tell them how much I think of them when I do.
How much I miss them when I don't see them.
That someone is you but I don't get to you a lot but I do I enjoy my time with you.
To be able to let out pain when I feel pain. 21.8.2000

Spring on it's way.

It should not be long until the daffodils are in the garden.
Pancake day is in March instead of February.
It is not just a new this year but new century.
Easter eggs, lambs and bunny rabbits come out to play.
All things jumping around all day. 26.2.2000


You were my lover.

You were my lover and best friend too.
You felt everything to me but not what I would though you would be.
Why did it ever end between us?
We had one another then we lost one another, it was a love I would never forget.
You broke my heart but I don't hate you because I still love you so much.
I can't help but forgive you for what you have done to me.
I was only young but two years older than you, you were younger too.
You broke my heart and I broke yours, I guess we have a lot to regret.
Now it's over I understand that you won't have me back.
For me there's no looking back because I know I can not accept you to believe that I have changed a lot to what I used to be.
In some cases it's really true that you always hurt the one you really love.
The one I really love is you. 24.2.2000

Unlucky child.

If you were a child in the nineteenth century your school days would have ended at the age of twelve.

What do you do next?

In the poor dull days they gave you far too much work to do.

Working in the coal mines, chimney sweeps, warehouses, cooking in the kitchens and many more.2000 onwards

I love you and I know you love me.

I love you and I know you love me.
I have a lovely happy feeling you and me are meant to be.
It's so sad that I don't see enough of you to make how I feel about you clear to you.
You are the love who is worth seeing.
You are so special to me. 26.6.2000

Sometimes the world is unkind.

Sometimes you will find the world is unkind.
I am speaking for each and every person that includes people who are disabled and with a learning disability.
Why do people look at people with these problems as if we are not human.
As if we have not got brain.
We are just a bit slow that's all.
At the end of the day we are just as clever as you but in difference ways.
The fact that we are slow learners makes us do a better job of things but society is in too much of a rush.
When we can do things in our own time and be our bosses, we do a lot better.
We still need to be accepted in society a lot better than we are.

What is so sad jobs are hard to find for everyone today not just us.
There is far too much crime in the world today.

Looking on the bright side I have found as I have getting old I have been getting better.
I have been working in the library for three years now so I am going to stay there until I get to the next step of my career.
I hope the the library will set me to the career I want which is writing.
I hope all these years of hard work will help me to become a writer.
I won't give up in anyway at all. 8.7.2000

My male friend.

I still love you with all my heart.
When you left me my life became hard.
My loving feelings will be here for you for life, however you feel about me.

You are my best caring male friend.
I mean every word I say my dear.
I still care and worry about you a lot.
If you don't feel the same way I will accept that.
I don't want to come bet ween your happiness.
I must carry on accepting whatever happens in the future.
I must be happy with my life.
Deep down the memory of you is not forgotten by me. 26.2.2000

My sweet male love.

To my handsome sweet male love, I love you so much.
Your eyes are like stars that shine in the sky.
My heart is so full of love.
Your heart is full of passion and love.
Lay your head upon my breast, then you may sleep on my chest.
I will love you at my best. Late 20th century to early 21st century.


My love to human kind.

My sister Holly Wood my artist of my poems and story books.
My life like all people has a book inside them.
All about my family who bought me up.
My God daughter Stevie Bea is my baby love.
My lover I love, I will always love. Late 20th century to early 21st century.


I dream of sunshine.

I dream of sunshine with wild red roses to brighten up my life.
My love life seems such a dream if you see what I mean.
On the whole men have been very mean to me.
Many times my heart has broken.
My lover's lips are red enough for me.
My lover's looks are handsome enough.
My lover has lovely bright blond hair.
My lover's love is very strong.
He can be such a nightmare when he drinks himself almost to death.
Antonio was not the man for me. Late 20th century to early 21st century. 

I love your smile.

You smile runs out a mile.
Those lovely blue eyes smile a mile.
You really do make me feel as if you are mine.
Let's hope happiness is yours and mine until the end of time.
Please never forget that you are the love of my life. Late 20th to early 21st century

You gave me pain.

You were not the first to make my heart ache and break.
I hope you will be the last to make my ache and break.
Nothing in this world will make me feel the same now.
Even now I still can't sleep.
Even now I still can't eat.
I need to keep my mind busy to stop myself thinking about you.
I still drink more and eat less. 20th to 21st century

Hot and cold Britain.

Why can't the weather make up it's mind?
One minute it's cold the next minute it's hot.
The answer to that we just want the weather to be warm.
(Why?) warm weather makes us feel good.
What we wear?
We don't know until we get outside.
We lead such rushing lives.
We haven't forgotten the times when we knew what to wear.
Sometimes you have not got time to rush home to get a a jumper if your wearing tee shirt.
You either roast or freeze. 2000 onwards.

Beautiful.

Green mountains on hot summer's day in Wales.
Bright yellow sunshine and deep blue sky.
Flowers everywhere to be seen. 2000 onwards.

Epilepsy.

This may not be epilepsy, if not what is it?
Why come back after twenty years?
Why haven't felt well for the last mouth?
Headaches, shakes and the room moving round and round .
The tablets cure one thing and bring another thing on.
I feel shaky and tired.
I am not looking forward to a brain scan, flashing lights and electric stick glue wires in my hair.
It's like a big storm inside my head.
It causes your nerves to be bad mainly when you have waiting to see if you pass or fail.2001 onwards.

Too much greed in the world.

There is far too much greed in the world today.
We just tend to pick one another more and more.
Too many debates over difference subjects.
Why not have your own point a views and keep them to your self.
Why do we have a problem with each other?
As long as no is hurt anyone, what is the problem?
What can we except?
Not a perfect world.
For goodness sake we all make mistakes.
Every we come across it's about money, why?
People say about peace, where is peace?
Everything seems to be a problem, there so many of them for everyone than ever before.
The world is just war, I think always has been and always will be. 21st century.


What's wrong with the world today?

Why can't we walk down the street without worrying about danger?
What has happened to manners and respect?
At one time you could leave your doors and windows open but not anyone.
No one could come in unless they asked you.
It is now a change for the worse, now we have to accept that but not every change is a bad change. 21st century

Chewing gum.

I remember the old school rule, no chewing gum in class.
No sticking the gum to your school desks.
When I look back the rule made sense.
Someone would throw in your hair, then it would be sticky.
As you walk across it was always there until the person to blame got the cane.
It would even stick to your shoes and clothes.21st century


I live near a wood.

I live near a wood.
At night I walk through the wood as I walk from the bus stop.
You keep me safe when I walk home at night.
I feel as if you are walking with me.
Nobody believes your there but I do to keep myself strong.
Not many people walk through the woods at night. 21st century


Your out there somewhere.

You took the blanket off the bed.
You put the blanket back on the bed.
You even made the bed for me.
I feel your fingers running down my spine.
Your never out of my mind.
You never go away.
I still wish I met you all the same.
The world must think I am in sane. 21st century


Parents.

Parents mess your heads up without meaning to.
They take their histories of their own family lives on you.
They never mean to give you a childhood like theirs but little is sometimes there.
There are times they are fed up of their own lives, it gets taken out on you.
Never bring another generation, your own child will always spot something you like them.
No matter how hard you try not to, you always lets you kids down somehow.
Just be yourself, you can't hurt anyone then but then again some people in the world have keep the world going round. 21st century.

Child hood.

Some of us have a good children others have a bad yet you could have a mixed.
Adults tell you that school days are the best years of your life just to get you to school.
That's a load of rubbish in my case.
In my case like many children, I was bullied in school so school days were the worse days of my life.


You listen to the sound of the wind.
It's like a birds wing's flapping in the wings.
Water rushing like the stream river and sea.


I once believed the big bad woof was in the wardrobe.
I once believed that the troll was under the bridge.
I once believed there were Father Christmas's, rain deers and elves.
May be there might be some truth in fairy tales after all.

Watch out for the big bad wolf.
Watch who is outside your doors these days.

May be we should believe in fairy tales after all.
May be the people who wrote these fairy tales saw dangerous futures for us all.
If that's the case they are right.
Don't let it keep you awake at night.
Live life how you like.
Be strong and be aware of what's around you.
I am not trying to frighten you, I am just telling the truth.

I once believed that snowmen could walk through the snow.
I once believed that the fairies gave me money for my teeth so I hope they did but never gave me money for my ear rings.
I lost so many pairs of ear rings by putting them under my pillow.

You are a skeleton who swims in the sea.
Watch you don't get a electric shock!
Every part of your body comes apart and back together again like plugs coming in and out of sockets.

Is there more water in heaven than there is on earth? 2000 onwards.

Forgotten.

I have a good memory but I have forgotten.
I know it does not make sense.
What is your name? I have forgotten, don't tell me.
I don't want to remember if I don't have to.
What did you look like?
Does it really matter I may have had a dream or a nightmare.
Did you kiss me?
So what, why and who is my question?
I know even know who I am talking to and what I am talking about.
So why did I ask in the first place then?
Were we in love or just friends?
Are you male or female?
It may have been a mistake. 2000 onwards

So I am not bothered.

Last I heard he was married.
Good to her, I'd rather her than me.
I only used to dream that you were close to me.
You are not real are you?
I did not really go with you, did I?
If so I must have had a nightmare then.
I have forgotten what you used to say to me because you used to lie so often.
I was so happy when you went off with her because you played behind my back anyway. 2000 on wards.


The sun heat.

On a very summer's day every leaf is green.
Everything is all the colors should be.

Sometimes the heat of the hot sun is far too hot.
There's not enough air, cool down with cold drinks.
Dive into a pool then have a shower.
The heat makes it very hard to sleep.
Too many restless nights. 2000 on wards

You are a ghost.

May be it's hard to see in the dark unless you eat carrots.
Your name is unknown to a lot of people.
It's still not known if you were real or not, I think you are just a character in my mind.
I dream how life would have been if you were real. 2000 on wards. 




Life alone.

Outside I may well have friends.
When I get home I face the tablet, the chair, the television and computer.
My sink, my toaster, my fridge, cooker and the mic.
My toilet, sink, bath and shower.
My bed, wardrobe and dressing tablet. 2000 on wards.


Yesterday has gone.

Yesterday has gone, live for today and tomorrow is another day.
Yesterday may have been a bad day, think of today as a good and tomorrow be an even better day.
There's no perfect life otherwise life would be boring.
Just start all over again tomorrow.
Always think forward never think back.
Always think good never though bad.
Enjoy the good times but be strong to the bad times. 2000 onwards



What it would be like to see no one.

It would be a lonely world to see no one.
No one to talk to, no one to help, no to ask a question or give an answer to.
It's so dark when you are allowed but then then there's no one to tell you anything that you don't want to hear.
You may need to hear some things whether you like to hear them or not because they could be words of truth. 2000 on wards.

When we first got together.

When I first saw you I knew I wanted you.
Butterflies flew through my stomach.
How it broke my heart we both broke up.
I could not help missing you so much.
I could not believe you could leave me for her.
I hated her so much but I loved you so much, I still feel that way now. 2000 on wards.



The future

The future is no one's guess.
No one can say what is going to happen.
No one can say how long or short we are going to live.
No one can say whether or not we get what we dream of but most of the time we need to live in the real world which is there truth.
There's no harm in laughing and joking but we need to be serious too, get the balance bet ween the two.
Most things don't stay the same they do change but there are some things not many things stay the same.
It's too easy to think the person we love is going to be like the last, let's forget the past.
We all make mistakes but most of us learn from them others do not.
Somethings we can't change but others we can. 2000 on wards.


I am here for you, if you want me too.

If you want to me another chance to love you again, I am here for you if you want me too.
If you don't want to give me another chance I understand that too, I don't blame you what I put you through.
If you want a woman lover or a loving friend, I am here for you if you want me too.
If something or someone is bothering you, I am here for you if you feel you need and want a woman to talk to.
You are welcome to cry on me if you want to if you need a woman close to you, I am here for you.
Whatever you want from me, I am here for you if you want me too.
You have love from me, cry on and if you someone to talk to if you want me too, I am here for you too.
Feel free friendship or lovers it's up to you.
I don't mind as long as something is going on bet ween us. 2.1.2000

I can live without you, if I have to live without you.

If I have to live without your love, I will live without your love.
I don't like living without your love, it hurts me very much but I am strong enough.
I miss you and your love so much but I can cope enough.
One thing I can say is that I have never cried my eyes out over anything or anyone like I have cried my eyes out over you.
Now can you see how much I really love you, I have always loved you and think I always will do. 29.12.1999

Have you changed the man I knew or even still know?

Please don't change the kind of man you are.
If you have changed, please change back into the man I once knew and fell in love with!
Please stay the same, not matter what that's why I still love you.
Please stay, you don't have to love me as long as you don't change.
You can have feelings and think anyway you want about me.
I will still always love even if you don't love me and that you don't have me back. 29.12.1999


You left me very lonely.

You left me very lonely.
You left me very sad.
No matter what you put me through I still love you very much.
People say I am sad and mad to ever want you back but I don't care about that.
Why can't people see it was not all your fault it was my fault too?
The relationship we had was not anything to do with them.
I am all for giving you another chance because I love you so much if want me too.
I would like to start it off as loving friendships, then we could see whether it's worth getting back together or not. 2.1.2000




Please try to worry in case I hurt because I won't.
I understand getting to know someone new is hard to do.
I know at this early stage that we are protecting ourselves and each other.
We are learning how to trust one another.
I know that I feel very sure that I can trust you and I think you can trust me too.
Only one day at a time will tell us about one another.
You are not trapped by me, I am not trapped by you.
I don't own you and you don't own me.

Just be careful in life, that's all I say. 26.5.2000

When I am alone with you.

When I am alone with you, I really feel as if I belong to you.
When I phone you I still feel as if we are together.
It's a lovely feeling bet ween us even if we don't see a lot of one another.
The lovely feeling of been held and kissed.
You are the only person that has ever made me feel right.
When I don't see you every night feels like a lonely night.
I miss you all the while but it all seems very much worth while.
Times goes slowly when I am waiting to see and speak to you.
When the moments come it all seems right and nice.
At night I always wish I could be with you because I love you so much.
In the day time I miss you so much.
Your job makes us miss one another so much.
I respect and think about you so much.
I can't stop thinking about you so much.
I wish I was in the love of your arms.
I wish you were holding me tight.
I wish you were kissing my lips, which feels just right. 26.5.2000


I'd rather be with no one but you.

I know we don't know one another that well yet.
I know we have such a lot to learn about one another.

I understand things are not easy for either of us these days, through no fault of our own.
I know you will know that I don't enjoy these hard situations anymore than you. I like you such lot, as I have got older I have got a bit stronger in my mind and I hope will get even more stronger.
I will take whatever there is to take on board and I don't give up.

Through choice there's no one I'd rather be with only you.
I miss you so much but I understand that nothing is yet possible or not at all.

I understand it's not all about how I feel, it's also about you because you have feelings too. 24.12.2009


Sorry.

There's no way I want to cause stress on to you, I like you a lot.
I am sorry the way I feel like I do if that's too much.
I have to be honest I miss you so much.
I don't want to make life hard for you. 15.12,2009

I don't feel myself.

The weather is so cold.
I miss you so much.
I just feel so low, I don't have any get up and go.
I understand that it's not all about what I want in life, you matter too.
I know it has not been easy with both of us coming to terms with damaged failed relationships we have had. 15.12.2009

I can't sleep.

I can't sleep I have so much on my mind.
Twenty to three in the morning.
I just have so much stress that I don't want to put on you.
I am just not thinking straight at the moment.
The weather is even more cold and dark without you. 15.12.2009


I know it's hard.

The days and nights are long without you.
Hours and weeks are even longer.
Mondays and Tuesdays are really shorter, it does not seem as if we see one another fro long.
Despite on how hard it is, I don't give up, I like you too much.
With the cold weather having kicked my depression has kicked inside.
All of us could do without Christmas, depression hits everyone this time of year.
Christmas makes me miss my Nan in heaven even more so. 15.12.2009

Miss you.
Miss you so much.
I keep on looking at the phone.
I am waiting to talk to you so much.
I keep waiting to see you so much.
Do you feel the same way?
I can't help but think I am letting you down, I don't mean that's only because I am not seeing you.
I can't stay at home alone because of my fits.
I have not enough money to give me a life of my own.
I only wish I had enough money for a long night out at least once a week.
Just give me time to sort my life out, then I will stop going his.
If you can't live with this I will understand.
Love you so much,. 11.5.2008