Back to new poetry

 

Just to say that this post is not only poetry but awareness of mental health and emotional abuse.

Maybe I don't need to explain much of this because I would by now most of you would have read over the years on this blog in my poetry etc about my mental breakdown back in 1997. We all know breakups of marriages, relationships, etc happen and for some time it takes time to accept but some take longer than others to come to terms with. However, ' relationships and marriage breakups are not the only emotional situations to cause anyone to feel alone, such as the deaths of people we know, people's family and friendships that may have ended or and other reasons such as been faced by the family members, people we thought of as friends, friends of friends, strangers, etc. For some people even it could be even no reason whatsoever where not only we don't know or understand but neither necessarily themselves. 

Before I go any further writing this post I want to thank you all for the reading the blog to start with and thanks for being patient with me, I know probably unintentionally with my disability, mental health, and what I faced my break down in my poetry, etc, I may have gone on too much. Even when I first started writing this blog and years after, I was probably still getting over my breakdown without me realizing it.

As the years have gone through I have learned to understand now I am not alone, therefore I want to raise awareness to those who have, had, and still facing similar if not the same as I did. Just to let you know although it may seem like it, I don't expect you to think I understand but I do and I understand you wouldn't believe me but you are not alone. That to you I guess is easy for me to say, people used to say it to me too twenty-five years ago and it made no sense to me either. Now it all sounds as if I had a long nightmare, which I understand may be hard for you to understand now.

No one is forced to talk or not to, again I know it's easy for me to say but it's okay to say I am not okay. 

I can fully understand why you would or would not talk to someone because I have been there both ways.

Time is a great healer so they say, it took me six months to decide to go for counseling from when I was told about it, you move forward your time too. 

Whatever you do or don't make sure you try to get some help because you deserve to be happy again.

https://www.verywellmind.com/identify-and-cope-with-emotional-abuse-4156673

https://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/guides-to-support-and-services/abuse/

Anxiety and fear.

Thoughts going through our minds make us annexes and fearful of life of the possible unknown, which could be the positives not just negatives such as exams, driving tests, etc.

It's right what they say that it is good to talk but we shouldn't judge those who don't choose to talk to be wrong either. 

No one should be forced to talk or not to talk, whatever they decide it is good to know if there are people they know are here to listen to them if they decide to talk.

There's nothing like a listening ear understandably not everyone opens up to strangers in the night the dark despite counseling, emotional support, etc.

Anxiety and fear can be a panic and a worry but also most of it can be nervous. 

Poetry therapy.

Everyone thought I was out of my mind out of the time, it seemed they were right, I was wrong, so yes they were right and I was wrong.

Yes I admit I knew was being cheated on messed about etc but at that point, I wasn't strong enough to stop loving, it made no sense to people I knew but you know it made no sense to me either.

For a long time, I was asking myself why I felt as I did for someone who was treating me badly, why did I love him madly? 

Whether I should have or shouldn't I was feeling about how I was feeling and struggling to accept he didn't feel the same way, which was hard for others around me to understand.

As crazy as it sounds therefore I was going out of my mind, even I wasn't alone, it felt like I was but yet I wasn't in the state of mind to think what others were thinking and what others were going through, for a long time to come I will say sorry that was the case at the time.

It's hard to imagine it now but I couldn't face every day and night without crying, in my mind at that point, saw no positive, couldn't see the light at the end of the tunnel, and thought at some point I wasn't going to beat it or get through it as time went by, I did but it took a long time.

 Writing poetry wasn't planned but through that crisis twenty-five years ago, I just started writing down what was happening, etc to a point I couldn't see any other way of coping.

I attended counseling beforehand, and since then Counselloring has moved on a lot.

To start with a friend suggested counseling to me, I will be honest to say back in those days at first I was wavy to think a complete stranger would think I was out of my mind but six months later I changed my mind and gave it a got, it was okay, not good not bad but just brief, where the Counsellor was listening to me.

It was a six months session at the college once a week, where I was an English student anyway, during that time I was walking along with the library in my own world to find a John Keats poetry book not having heard of him before.

In school etc, I was never much of a reader to a point I could read but never understood what I was reading, but what Keats was writing about what he was facing in his time was similar to what I was facing in my time, one word of his inspired me to write roughy millions of mine.  

 

Autism Awareness poem.

Those of us who face Autism face it in different ways.

Autism is a spectrum condition, we are aware that so many people face Autism these days, no one is alone or should be alone.

 In different ways, we are no different from other people, in different ways we face different strengths and weaknesses.

In different ways, many of us face high Anxiety, which may seem to others we want to be a danger to ourselves or ourselves when really many of us can be sensitive to different situations, changes, sensory, etc., we don't mean to be harmful in any way.

Anxiety can cause many of us to fear, panic, have meltdowns, etc.  

Having things happening to us like hobbies, interests, careers, etc things we enjoy is important to us keeps us at ease, calm, etc, and make us feel we have something to live for. 

Many of us in different ways may be affected by sensory such as sound, light, taste, touch, feel, etc but sensory can be a positive and or negative thing for us in a good and bad way. 

Autism, mental health, and socializing.

The most common Mental health in Autism is Anxiety, even people without Autism can face Anxiety too.

This is because our reactions are sensitive to certain situations, such as the unexcepted, change of route, something new, strangers, new people, emotional situations relationships, break-ups, exams, a driving test which is no different from other people but people are most likely going to take longer to accept things.

Being Aniexus and nervous isn't always a negative thing for eg; people can be nervous about their exam or driving test because they really want to pass.

As far as communication and understanding are concerned we may seem odd to others mainly if we don't know them and they don't know us.

We may not seem to fit in with those who are drinking together. 

We may not fit in with the chat of others where others may not seem to understand, they may think we are not thick and stupid, and we may well shy away, for example, play alone as children because we may not fit in the games of others, as Adults we may stand by the bar drinking alone.

However there is no lack of communication and understanding with everyone, guess it depends on the people we come across and the type of chats that happen.