Monday, 11 April 2022

Poetry blog update April 2022

 I am doing a poetry blog for two reasons firstly because this year is twenty - fives since I started writing poetry even though I wrote my first poem twenty -  nine years ago when I was twenty - three.  Writing poetry wasn't planned but writing it's self-started to get through every day as I was getting through throat cancer and radiotherapy at the age of twenty - three, which was very lucky to get through, then in 1996 - 1997 I went through a mental break down, which something else writing helped me, which is how it started. Let's not think about why I was writing but the writing itself. I tried short stories, my life story, and even tried ways to write a novel to discover out of all I was better to write poetry, but I didn't realize what I was doing to start with other than trying to get through every day.  

What I am going to do now is go through my old poems try to update them and try to write new ones.

A RYMINE EXSPECIALY FOR YOU.
The first night I saw you my mind was thinking I like you before I even spoke to you.
I am a girl that likes you for you.
I knew like me, you had been through some old moo.
How I knew I just knew
there’s only me for you, I mean it too true.
Without your advice on the things, I have been through I would have put myself through even more moo boo.
So I hope their silly words that make no sense at all will at least thymine on paper as well as inside my mind.
Thank you for helping me with my old moo, I will do the same for you if you want me too.
As your name is Andy pandy I can be your Loopy Loo.
With the state of my mind, I am loopy.
If you have another Loopy Loo, sorry to bother you boo boo to me too.
I would not dream of hurting you.
I will write a ton of pages to get what I am saying down on paper right for you.
I know I have a disability I am just slow which does seem to be good to a lot of people. Written 1993

LIFE AND MUSIC WITHOUT YOU.

I would have loved to have come to see you sing.
I only wish I had done it now, it's too late.
No one else is you.
Brain, John, and Roger are great too.
Paul Rogers is great but he will be Alright Now in Free.
Queen isn't Queen without you Freddie too.


FOR MY NAN ... ARE YOU THERE.

You are there.
There's a bright star in the sky at night.
This is you, you are there.
The stars are good people like you in heaven.
You are there .....

I miss you nan love from Sara x


HOPING TO MOVE ON.

Hope is sometimes called wishful thinking.
We shouldn't build our hopes up these days.
Jobs are very hard to find I  miss them so much.
We need to keep safe from Covid but also move on from Covid.
The fact it's unknown to when I can work out of home as well as at home. 
Where do I go from here?
Where is the light in the tunnel?

NO ONE KNOWS NO ONE.

You made me be in this world.
For the first twenty-one years of my life, you weren't there.
I was no one to you, at least it felt that way anyway.
You were no one to me, it seemed as if I wasn't anyone to you because I never saw you.
when I first met you at the age of twenty-one, I thought we put the piece of the jigsaw together but I was wrong.
Now I feel as if a piece of the jigsaw is missing from me again.
I think I have lost myself again.
Perhaps part of me was always been missing and always will be.
Why do I have a feeling that two human beings are missing out on my life too?
why do I have a feeling that they are asking themselves unanswered questions like I did as a child?
I want to help them because I know how it feels, it's as if you are in the dark.
It feels as if I am feeling the same way again as I did as a child knowing that my half-brother and sister are going through the same as I did.
I'm their half-big sister, of course, I want to be there for them and help them.
You aren't going to help them, are you?
Don't you realize what you have done and how it has affected our minds?
The past doesn't matter, I've been there all my life.
I never knew why this had to be but it doesn't matter now, it's not about me, it's about my younger half-brother and sister.
I am the past they are the present and future.
It's the present and the future, how do you think it's going to affect their lives?
why do I feel like the useless big half-sister?
no one knows no one, it's all a mystery.


WHY CAN'T WE?

I'm speaking for the rights of people with disabilities.
If we haven't got those rights we should have them.
we should be treated equally to non-disabled people.
Some people have these rights others don't.
We know it can never be a perfect world but it can be an equal work.
How many of us live alone?
How many of us still live with our families?
How many of us have families of our own?
How many of us work?
How many of us don't work?
How many of us are in the benefits trap?
How many of us are in education?
How many of us live like non-disabled people but with the right support?
We all understand funding can be a problem but the government should spend the money on the right things for people's rights.
I've been asking these questions all my life but never really got any real answers.

MINDBLINDNESS.

In our minds, we can spend our lives feeling angry with ourselves.
Some people think we want to hurt their feelings because of what we say, what we may not say, what we do, and what we may not do but we don't.
It's hard for people to understand us unless they have Autism themselves.
Don't get us wrong not everything is done by accident, we all have faults like everyone.
We make mistakes and regret things like everyone else.
Autism isn't an excuse for anything, Autism is our disability, Mind Blindness and Unawareness are how it affects our lives.
Autism can affect friendships, relationships, even family relationships, and perhaps the whole world around us.

We need to be aware of the Unawareness of Autism.

The world can make us feel guilty, Autism is an unawareness to be aware of where one says or and do things without being unaware of how we may seem to others around us. 
It's too easy to be unaware of what we do and don't say.
It's too easy to be unaware of what we do and don't do.
What's planned in your mind comes out wrong or and even the wrong way round.
The things come across to people as not good but aren't planned in your mind.
It's not that you don't know right from wrong, what's planned to be one thing is seen as another from most people's point of view. In a sense, it's like writing an essay.
Nobody can be blamed for misunderstanding us but we can't be blamed for having Autism.
That doesn't mean we want to be the center of attention, we just want to be accepted in society the same as everyone.
We just want to be equal to everyone at the end of the day.
Yet we don't expect to be treated any more or less differently from everyone else either we just need to be understood not misunderstood. 

A NEW WORLD FOR PEOPLE WITH DISABILITIES.

Think about the number of books we have tried to read but the print is too hazy, small or and the stories are hard to understand.
Words jump off the page and your eyes start to stain.
We don't mean to make life hard but we have missed out on a lot of stories that we didn't understand.
We would like to make these stories more clear to understand with easy words and easy pictures for the next generation of people with disabilities.
Let's support people with disabilities to have equal lives for everyone!
Let's open new doors!

EASY WORLD FOR PEOPLE WITH DISABILITIES.

I love poetry like music, some poems I like others I don't.
It's like everything in life really.
One thing though, not a lot of poetry is written about people with disabilities, why is that?
Can't we communicate in your way of thinking?
Let's have a bit of fun!
Easy pictures.
Easy words.
Let's play around with colored paper!

THE HOMELESS YOUNGEST MINDS.

Nobody in my family loves me.
I know I could have been very naughty, but there is no need for my family to kick me out on the streets.
I am very frightened to go back home, but I know my family doesn't want me.
I know I made a big mistake in thinking I could cope to find my own home, I just wanted to be an adult far too quickly.
I realize now I was wrong thinking I could cope.
I can't find any food to eat, but bits and pieces of bread.
I am sleeping on the hard street floors, but some nights I sleep in cardboard boxes.


It's alright this poem isn't about me but how many of us stop to think about what goes through homeless people's minds, mainly at Christmas time?

THERE ARE SO MANY LONELY PEOPLE.

In this world, we do not realize that there are so many lonely people.
These lonely get out of bed every single morning.
Living a life that seems so dull and boring.
These lonely people do not have family or friends to talk to and see.
When you see lonely people, they seem happier than lucky us.
They have such lovely smiles on their faces.
Where do these lonely people come from?
What on earth can anyone or "The Happy Society" do for them?

"The Happy Society" used to be a social club for people with learning disabilities. Roy Holdcoft
used to take us out to pubs, Day trips, and holidays but it got to cost too much for him to keep running and us too. We used to raise money. I used to write newsletters, and my ex-boyfriend Anthony used to sell them for 20p. We also had a Jumble sale, which was organized by me but we didn't get a lot out of it.

THIS IS THE REAL WORLD, NOT A DREAM WORLD.

In fairytale stories, they say you have to kiss a good many ugly frogs to find your handsome Prince.
In my case, I believe I have kissed handsome princes who have turned into ugly frogs.
Believe me, believe me not, I think my days of kissing handsome princes have gone.
Because I fear every handsome prince I kiss will turn into an ugly frog.

All the lovely things I used to dream, I thought would come true.
Now I am unhappy that everything I ever wanted hasn't happened to me and no chance will it be.
I blame myself, I fell in love far too young.
Little did I know everything was going to turn out wrong.
Now I can't love at all, because I am frightened of getting hurt again.
A male and female friendship forevermore.
I must keep away from those ugly frogs.

GOOD FRIENDSHIP.

This may be only friendly love, but to me, it is good enough.
I don't think you need a boyfriend and girlfriend to love.
Male and females can still share a friendship to love.
My friendship will be here with you for however long you want me to be close to you.
I will never go away from you unless you want me to.
I know we have been through the same thing, I know what you are going through.
Trying to move on from the people you love or loved is very hard to do, but somehow we must get on with our lives and get through.
We must try and see a future for ourselves the best way we can, but believe me, I do understand that is very hard to do but all the same, we must get through.


GUILTY AND HIDING FROM THE TRUTH.

Going quiet on people when they talk.
Never caring about people's feelings.
Lying to hide away from the truth, because the truth hurts one.
One is shamed, and one is in the wrong.
For one to tell one, but to get someone else to tell one.


I LOVE YOU, DO YOU LOVE ME TOO?

Your hair is blonde, so soft and thick.
Many times I have reached out for your love to tell you.
" Darling I love you so true."
The problem is that you are not with me a lot to say.
" I love you so true too.
Now I have to wait until I see you again.

I love you so true.
I hope and pray to god that you love me too be so true too, but I think or know you do.
Three little words saying I love you can make you feel so special.
So can those three little letters.
Poetry is not where I can spell those three little or big words.

LOST LOVE.

There's nothing you can do when you lose the person you love.
All you can do is learn to move on and meet a new love.
When long love is lost it's hard to move on.
No matter how hard it is you must move on.
When short love can come before you look.
It is so important to be loved.
Love can't be made unless you make it.
When love goes down the drain, it can't always be saved.
For goodness sake, you must be brave enough to love again.
Love can cause you so much anger, hurt, and pain.
Sometimes it's hard to love again.
Sometimes it's hard to live without love and be lonely.
Without love in many ways, life isn't the same.

CRYING OUT FOR LOVE.

I must move on again.
Please give me any reason why I shouldn't love someone and someone should love me?
Why do I feel as if my days of love and romance have gone for me?
Is there something wrong with me?
How can I share love when no one is there to share the love with?
I can't give love to someone when he isn't there to have love from me.
Whoever you may be, if you're faithful, kind, and good looking please come to me?
I don't mind having serious or playing full love, as long as someone can give me some kind of love, I will be happy to play or stay in whatever way.
Just any kind of passion that comes my way.
I don't mind playing the field or having forever love.

MY LONGEST TRUE LOVE.

My true love once had a heart that gave me so much love.
I had this heart and I really truly enjoyed his love.
Now he doesn't have a heart anymore, because he isn't now my love.
He's now with someone forever and for good.
He's not my true love anymore, but he was my first serious love.
That I will never, ever forget.
I don't think he will find another love like me again.
I don't think I will find another love like him again.


DRAGON

Watch your ps and qs when you are talking to the dragon.
She may well blow smoke at you and burn you if you get on the wrong side of her, she can have the Irish dragon inside her.
Don't be put off by her, she has a nice side too.


PEOPLE.

We are all human beings.
We all have different nationalities.
Most people have white skin.
Some people have black skin.
Other people have brown skin.
Some people believe in god others don't.
Some people go to church others don't.
Why don't we just accept each other for the way we all are?
Life is hard enough without making it worse.
Some people have chosen to be who they are and what they do, others don't have any choice at all.
Just because one person is black and the other person is white, it doesn't mean they are not alright.
I understand that not everyone gets on but you can't take away the way they are or their equal rights.

You have the right to know what people say and think about you but
keep your thoughts to yourself, just walk away!
Why risk being locked away from the world, it's not worth it for anyone.
No need to hurt or kill.
Why take your anger out on people who are harmless to you, be strong.
Stick to your own thoughts in life: let others stick to theirs.


PEACE AND LOVE...

We all have to go by the rules of the law.
We are all prisoners of war in our own counties wherever we are from.
We are always dreaming of a peaceful and lovable world.
Not a greedy or hateful world.

Why do we hurt and kill one another?
Why can't we respect one another for being human beings?
Why can't we keep away from one another if don't like one another?
Why waste our lives behind bars when there are so many good things to see and look forward to?
No world needs to be perfect but why not give peace and love rather than war?


The single rose.

When the wind blows it opens one single rose.
When the rain comes down the whole roses are very washed down.
When spring has just started lovers have run.
When summer is on its way lovers pick roses every day. September 1997


Lovers.

Eating ice cream on a hot summer's day in the park.
Eating fish and chips, kissing and hugging wrapped up warm on a cold winter's night in the dark.

Eating popcorn in the back seat on the back row hugging the night away.
Drinking in the pub getting drunk, hugging and kissing September 1997


I hope you feel the same as I do.

I am sitting writing poetry about you.
Thinking about you as I do.
You love me like I love you.
You are not only my lover but my best friend.
What happens happens.
I can't expect it to happen forever but never say never. 8.9.2002

September.

September is a mouth blowing in the wind.
September can be also warm.
Most Septembers can be cold.
Lovely Indian summers can happen. 12/9/2002

Molly.

Molly my longest friend.
Can't say she's my oldest friend but a best friend.
Twenty to thirty-odd years of knowing her since school.
Always be my best friend, we have known one another long enough.
There's no friend like Molly. 8/9/2002

War.

Protecting yourself from gas and smoke with a gas mask.
Bombs going off and going mad.
Boots getting stuck in the mud.
Sore wounds as one move from place to place.
Hoping and dreaming that the war will be soon over to give love and peace.
Young men and women have been poised by gas.
Worrying about losing loved ones. 7/9/2002

I love you madly.

Hello, my lovely laddie, I Love you so madly.
I hope you don't leave me so sad.
Why am I so mad as a lass to meet such a lad?

I may as well lose the love from start to end.
One way or the other I will manage to be loved again and dumped again.
I once ended up with a laddie who went off with another.
We fell in love for two and a half years, after that I had so many fears.
It took me a long time to move on, now gladly and madly I love another laddie. 1997 - 2000



The voice of homeless people.

I can't cope any longer, I don't have any money to live on.
I keep on feeling sick because I am not eating a lot.
Please save my life!
Please give me a home!
Please me a job and career!
Please give me a normal life like all of you! 1997 - 1998


What has it done to my life?

When I go into a relationship, I fall in love too easily.
I know I dream and hope for too much for the future.
I should take things day by day.
I need to accept that break-ups happen, I can't help this when I love someone.

When my relationships end I always seem to go to pieces because it hurts so much.
It's as if the whole world has crashed on top of me.
Sometimes I have felt as if something has been missing in life. 4.7.2000


I live in hope.

I live in hope that I won't you like I lost the rest of them.
I live in hope that I will hear your voice on the telephone.
There is no time that I don't think about you or miss you.

You don't have to fear me, I won't give you a hard time.
I love my freedom and space.
Most of all I love you for you.
The more time we spend apart the more I enjoy seeing you.
My fear is losing you but then nothing lasts forever.
I love you so much so much.
I fear because I want to carry with me what we have got. 28.8.2000



I'm in love but I have space.

No ties in my life and no strings attracted.
I am still faithful.
I love my partner and he loves me.
We can trust each other too. 28.8.2000


I have no fear.

I have no fear of trust.
There's a lot about you that makes me feel as if I can trust you.
I love you for you.
In my mind, there's no one like you.
When I am without you, I miss you so much.
Now I am brave enough to cope without you.
It does not matter to me what life is like and how hard it is nothing or no one will put me off you.
Please get some sleep while you can with you working all night long.
I don't want anything to happen to you.
I'd rather miss you because you working than know that I am not going to see you again. 28.8.2000 onwards.


In your dreams.

Once upon a time, I knew you for two and a half years which seemed like a lifetime.

Thinking back you were not knowing.
I know the truth hurts but not as much as you hurt me.
Why has it taken you so long to know that you made a mistake in leaving me in the first place?

Well, it's only your own loss.
If only you had not hurt me in the first place, you know now that you hurt the wrong woman.

Don't ever think if she leaves you that you can come back to me.
You must accept that nothing can be the same again.

Things will get worse for you not better, you would either up end living with a nasty old woman or you could end up being a lonely old man.
It's far too late now.

If you still love me, please leave me to love a man who will love me for me not what he can get out of me.

If you don't love me, why should I be bothered, I don't love you either. 25.6.2000


Are you lucky or not?

If you met a nice girl I hope you don't hurt her like you hurt me.
I hope you won't hurt her at all.

Who is this unlucky girl who you are lucky enough to have?
Is she out there for you?
What is her name?
She is brave enough with you but will she put with you as long as I did?
If you are lucky enough please don't let her down like you let me down. 25.6.2000


I love you and I know you love me.

I love you and I know you love me.
I have that loving feeling that we are meant to be.
I love your lovely dark hair, those lovely brown eyes stick out a mile.

It's so sad I can't see a tiny bit more of you.
I just want to make it clear to you that my feelings are very strong towards you.
I hope we are right for one another.

To me you are a love waiting for, I hope I am right in thinking that.
You are very special to me.
No other male has made me feel like you do. 26.6.2000

You and me.

Ups and downs may well happen time after time but good and bad are excepted to be.
At the end of the day, we are strong for one another.
There's not a day goes by that we don't think of one another. 2000 - 2001


I can't live with or without love.

Why don't I see you, I miss you badly.
Go back to work, I'm only joking.
When I am without you I miss you so much as much as it hurts.
When I am with you I can't leave you alone.
Nevertheless the more I don't see the stronger our love is. 2000 - 2001


Flashes of lighting.

The clack of lighting flashing of white sparks.
Rain running and rushing so fast in the middle of the night faster than water running out the tap.
Wet hair and clothes. 8.9.2002

I had time to heel.

I cried my eyes out that cold winter's night when you left.
It seemed so long I thought it was good.
When you walked back in my life on that Hot summer's night that was when I saw the light.
We loved for so long yet we had been so long apart.
After you had been gone for so long I thought you'd stop loving me for good.
I found myself in the end putting a brave face on just to show I was strong. 20.1.2002

Nothing stops me.

I am feeling tired and unwell but nothing stops me from enjoying life.
Now I accept the turns I have that are part of my life.
I love studying, working, writing, and being with the man I love so much.
I love going out drinking every now and then. 20.1.2002

My mind is blank.

My mind is blank.
My eyes are tired but I can't sleep.
I want to write but I don't know what to write.

It's wintertime, it's so cold and I want you to keep me warm.
I feel lazy to do anything, please keep me warm. 20.1.2002


Advice in poetry.

Absence makes the heart grow founder.
If you see too much of one another you fall apart.
The longer time apart: longer time together.

Action speaks louder than words.
Never promise what you can't do.
Never say one thing and then do another.
Always let someone know if you change your mind.

An apple a day keeps the doctor away.
Eat something healthy every day.
Eat fruit, meat vegetables, or fish.
Having at least a little exercise is the main thing.

What makes a man healthy and wise, as long as you keep yourself alive?
As you get older you should get wiser.
Why worry about having not enough money when you just have enough to live on?
Why ask for too much when some people have nothing at all?
A little bit of what you fancy does not do you any harm.

As you make your bed you can lye in it.
If you have a chance in life take it.
Don't play around, one can only stand so much.
You won't be left off the hook forever.

A bird in hand is worth two in the brush.
Be happy with what you have got, you don't need anymore.
One love is enough don't be greedy!
Don't date someone and promise to date another at the same time.

You can't always get what you want.
If you learn to live with not getting what you want, you will get what you want.
It comes to those who wait.

Early to bed: early to rise.
When you go to bed: you should wake up full of life.
20.1.2002


Lying to rest.

Long-lasting love on earth.
Maybe that kind of love will be in heaven.
Love is here in memory.
Rest in peace.
No arms to hold one tight.
Keep each other warm on the winter nights.
You can get out to cool down in the summer.
Love overheats in summer.
To be brave.
To die for us.
Without you, we would not be born. 8.9.2002


How lucky we are.

We have a home to live in.
We may have a family.
We may be lucky to education and a job.
We must not depend on families all the while.
We must fly the nest; our families have bought us up. 29.5.2002

Verse one.

Never leave what you can do.
For one reason or another, there are people on the streets begging for money.
How do we tell the people who really need money?
Are some people too lazy to get a job?
Life is what you make it 29.5.2002

Get off the streets!

Get off the streets and find yourself a home, education, and a job!
There's no need to be homeless.
Most of you have had normal lives in the past.
Why put your life on hold because you have had some disappointment?
If you look forward don't look back.
People will help you if you help them.
Never attention seek just for the sake of it, otherwise, people will get fed of it if you them for money all the while.
No one likes feeling used but no one likes being misunderstood, it should not be all one-sided.
There's no need to beg for money, wait for people to give you, it comes to those who wait.
That way you will gain more friends.
If you keep asking you don't get it.
Most people don't have that much money themselves, they get fed up with been ask all the while.
If you have an education and job use it!
Help people who need more help.
People who are on the streets for disappointing reasons but some people are there to make they are because they don't want to work, we need to look out for the reasons why most people are. 29.5.2002


Outsiders.

It's cold outside, no bed to keep warm.
Sawlogs off the tree, get lighters and matches to light a fire.
Feel hungry so cook food on the fire.
The winter nights are dark and lonely.
You need someone to talk to.
You need a home.
The street floors are hard to sleep on.
You are lucky to get a cardboard box, which is as bad as the floors, a bed would be better. 29.5.2002


Today is hard for families.

If you have the sense don't have children, it's an unkind world out there today.
Life is mostly unkind to us without being unkind to others.
The future is a worry for us let alone them.
If we are not allowed to teach our children right from wrong, what's the point?
Leaning did not do us any harm.
Children are lovely but they don't know what's right and wrong until they are taught.
How much worse can it get, if it's like this today what will it be like tomorrow?
We are just left with a load of crime and Antisocial behavior in today's society. 21.4.2002

Today's society.

Never be too kind to people.
They will want off you all the time.
Always turn your head to see who is behind you.
Be careful: never be too careful.
Enjoy your life: you only have one life.
Don't live in fear but always be on your guide. 21.4.2002

Children are not children, they grow up.

Cutting teeth, having colds, growing pains, tears, happiness broken hearts, relationships, friends and lovers letting them down, worrying about their safety in today's cruel world mainly in society, hoping and wishing them to enjoy their lives safely.

Are you going to have children?
They are a worry and a heart all their lives and yours.
This makes this society very scary.
It would be lovely to be able to say you are only on this earth once so make the most of it, it's not easy to enjoy yourself today in this cruel and unsafe society.




You can never be too careful, life goes on.
Never let it stop you from living a life, you'd be locking yourself behind closed doors otherwise.
Children are not children, they grow up too fast.
As soon as you turn round, they have lives of their own.

Make the most of children they are not children for long.
Children grow even faster now than before in this fast world.
Every day, every hour, every month and every week and every year keeps ticking away from us.

There should be love, care, and tenderness.
Never wait until it's too late.
Every child achieves an award in his or her's own way.
Every child gives you ups and downs in their own way.
There should be always something every day in different ways.

Every human being has a heart of gold in different ways.
When children grow up some build nests and become parents themselves.
Sometimes life gets too much, families can care for us so much it's hard for them to let go. 10 . 12 . 2001

You only have one life.

You only live on this earth once.
Within reason, you can do what you want.
You can only get one chance in life so don't blow it!
If you live twice you come back as a different person or even an animal.
Make the most of life because it sails so fast before you know it.
Try not to do anything to regret in later life.
Never think you can turn back the clock because you can't.
Think very carefully before you do anything.
If you get another chance to take anything again, take that chance don't blow it!
Try not to make the same mistake loads of times over.
You a fool if you don't take a chance on anything while you can. 10.12.2001

Find my work when I am dead and gone.

My work is here to read.
What you think of my work is up to you.
If money comes it will go to my family, lovers, and friends.
I must take no notice of the press, I must write for my readers.
When I am dead and gone, have what you want of mine.
If anyone is interested in my work, you are more than welcome.
I just enjoy putting pen to paper, I just help for it to be understood and to make sense.
The words I write on paper come to my mind. 5.12.2001

The days of hard times.

No homes for the poor.
Millions of people live on the streets.
No work to earn money.
People eating food that could and even find.
Millions of people have lived and died through being homeless.
Children go down chimneys sweeping to earn money.
Young men breathe the coal mines to earn money for their wives and families.
Some things may have gotten better but nothing is completely right. 5.12.2001

Quiet.

Now it's quiet at midnight and I can write.
Millions of people sleeping on the street as I write sitting in my home.
The wind is blowing a storm, there's nothing quiet about that when the people living on the street are trying to sleep.
I will just put anything down on paper about the storm.
I must turn on my lamb to give me the light.
I will sleep until the morning light.
As a student, I will study in the daylight.
To write on a winter's night is anything that comes to mind. 5.12.2001


Stacey from ' THE HAPPY SOCIETY ( she was!)

Stacey was full of life and free to do what she wanted.
Stacey had so many friends and so many people to see.
Stacey shared the same birthday as me October 24th, she wrote poetry just like me and she had Autism like me.
Every year my birthday comes round I think of Stacey.
The sad thing is that I never saw any of her poems and Stacey never any of mine.
I don't know what kind of poems she wrote and she did not know what kind of poems I write and wrote in the case may.
In my eyes a poet never dies: a poet's work lives on.
Poets who live in heaven look down on you while you read their work.
Stacey is still with us even though she's in heaven.
I believe Stacey is watching me write poetry.
There will be plenty of young and new poets to be but not like Stacey, Stacey is my best friend.
Little do we know how short life is until it's gone.

Stacey had so much in common with me even though she was and still is in my eyes about twelve younger than me.

I am so much older than Stacey was, she was only in her early 20s.
I am so lucky to reach my 30s.

Stacey had plenty of male and female friends, she was friends with you if you were friends with her.
Stacey made you laugh, she made the Happy Society the Happy Society.
Everyone looked forward to going to the Happy Society when Stacey was there.
Stacey was too young to go to heaven, the Happy Society became Sad Society without Stacey.
Why Stacey, why not me she was younger than me?
She went to college in London for her poetry lessons.
Stacey had such a string of boyfriends, no one could count them. 26.5.2002

Memory to remember.

One hundred English people had been killed in the American war.
As you may imagine that everyone was angry and upset.
There was such nasty damage to America a lovely country.
Two brothers were aboard a hijacked United 175, which crashed in into word trade.
Some people even died pentagon. 12.9.2002

Life one.

I hope you have not got a crush on me.
I am very fond of you as a friend.
I don't want us to hurt one another.
You have plenty of time to find happiness, you are so young.
You are fifteen years younger than me.
Age may not matter but it's your future you need to think about in a grown-up manner.
You may not understand what I mean because you are so you but you will one day.
I was young like you once, I used to have these feelings towards people but I got over it.
Love does not always happen how you want it to be, we live miles apart in life and age.
When you get to my age you will know what it's all about.
You will live and learn, you never stop learning right from wrong through adult life then you get older and wiser, this works well for most of us anyway. 9.5.2002

Don't get me wrong.

It's very flattering to be fancied by someone as lovely as you.
Don't take it the wrong way, I am about fifteen years older than you.
I'd get done for going with very young boys like you, I know you are nearly a young man.
I am almost a middle-aged woman even though I may look as young as you.
A woman of my age should know better.
You may think that I could teach you a few things, believe me, you could end up teaching me a few things, you will learn faster than me through everyday life.
You make mistakes in life and then learn from them, at least most of us do.
Some of us make the same mistake loads of times as I have done so what could I teach you?
I have just had to learn without no computers, and mobile phones but in everyday life.
You have mobile phones, computers, everyday life and etc to learn from.
I think will learn better without me, I have made too many of my own mistakes, what do I know if I can't get things right myself?
Without you knowing it, you know more about life than I do.
You most likely be teaching me more so than I would be teaching you.
It just does not feel right someone young teaching someone old.
I have been around far too longer than you, I should know more than you but that's not always the case. 9.8.2002


Homeless old people.

No one to talk.
No children, no Grandchildren, no Great Grandchildren.
Far too cold, there needs to be warm.
Nowhere to cool down from the hot sun when you are near enough to pass out.
Not knowing what tomorrow is going to bring. 29.5.2002

We are all together.

Getting together for a drink and a talk.
People find out from one another how they got on the streets in the place.
How are they going through a normal life?
How are they going to live through the world of the four seasons in one?
Winter cold, snow, rain, sleet, hail, and sun.
Autumn cold winds blow leaves as they change colors
off the trees onto the ground.
Spring is meant to be warm, not cold but it does not seem to be the case anymore.
There are very few leaves on the trees that are green but it happens bit by bit until the summer on sun-baying hot days.
More green leaves on the trees and a lovely garden life homeless people may talk about. 9.5.2002


I am so sorry it can't happen, my friend.

I hope I have not lost your friendship.
I hope I have not hurt you.
I still care about you and look out for you.
You are so young and I am old enough to be your Mum.
It would not be fare on either of us if we got together.
I am sure you would get fed of me one day anyway.
One day you will find someone more special, I am not special at all only special needs.
I am just too old to look at it. 9.5.2002


The memory of Eddie's dog.

He was so fluffy.
He was so soft.
He was only nasty if anyone hurt us.
I and my family were the people who knew him and loved him.
He went to another home where he's well looked after, we are just too busy with our lives to look after him.
He loved to play ball.
He loved to go out for walks.
He loved to run across the park.
He hated being on a lead because he was a country and farm dog.
He would pull you around so hard and fast when he had his lead on.
He would only attack if he saw strangers.
Eddie, where have you gone?
I understand why you left us, we could not give you the happiness you wanted.
We are so sorry to let you down, I hope you are happy now.
Never forget us for the happiness we gave, we hope we gave some happiness.
We are always thinking about you, you are a lovely dog. 25.1.2002 - 12.9.2002


The America war.

It was the day I never forget.
On September 11th, 2001, I think everyone thought the world was over.
It was 9.00am in the UK and 3.00am in US time or the other way round.
It hit New York and Washington.
It was a dramatic explosion that hit nine people pulled out alive.
A fireman had been on the 38th floor of one of the towers of New York. 12.9.2002

My feelings.

The war of America did not sink into me at first.
When my father told me on the phone, I thought I was hearing things and I thought I was having a nightmare.
I put on the news on the television, watch those two towers full down turned my stomach over just watching them and I felt sick.
I found it very hard to write anything down at first.
I know there have been bad wars before but I would say that's the first one I have seen in my lifetime.
I could not talk, I could not stop thinking about it. 12.9.2002


What a mess.

The two towers of New York had gone through bombing planes.
They were very tall towers, I am sure those towers must have taken a long time to build.
I feel sorry for whoever it was known who worked so hard to build those towers.
There were not just 1000s of lives lost, a lot of homes had been broken and smashed. 12.9.2002

What happened?

A fireman had been rolling down the stairwell floor by floor.
The whole building collapsed.
Five other firefighters and police officers nearly enough lost their lives. 12.9.2002


Sometimes hurtful things happen for the best.


Life is here to enjoy but sometimes all good things have to come to an end.
You have plenty to look forward to but happiness may take its time to come back.
Sadly we can't get by without making mistakes and learning from them but how many of us do?
We are only human: no one is perfect.
It may take a long time while we want to get but most of us get there in the end.
At least once if not more in our lives something will happen that we don't like, that's life for everyone.
So long down the line, I hope I will be right that some disappointing things happen for the best.
Most pain can turn into happiness.
I hope you will be glad of my advice one day, I hope I will be right in some things if I am not right in all.
It will be hard for us to understand that I was once your age.
I had strong feelings towards people that I have had to learn to accept what I wanted was not possible.
When you get as old as me, you will understand that disappointing thing can happen for a good reason.
The reason is you may like me a lot now but you may not like me at all in ten years' time, you could get fed up of looking at an old woman like me.
This could save us quite a lot of hurt and pain.
You don't need to be tied down to someone like me. 20.8.2002


Studying poetry.

I am studying to remind myself how I can interest my readers.
Sometimes I can think of a subject other times I can't.
I don't expect everyone to be interested in what I write as long as some people are. 8.9.2002


I dream to be a poet.

I dream to be mostly a romantic poet.
I dream to write fiction and nonfiction.
I dream to be a poet of all or many subjects.
I dream to write poetry about the good and bad in life.
I dream to understand the minds of animals and human beings.
I dream to put down what goes through my mind from the pen onto paper. 8.9.2002

I love the sun, sand, and sea.

The hot summer not cold winter.
Not too hot just warm.
Blue sky, blue sea, and yellow sand.
That says it all. 8.9.2002


Lovers part two.

Two hearts.
Four arms.
Two lips to kiss. 8.9.2002


What do I see?

In my 30s still young: not getting any younger.
A few lines under my eyes.
Not looking bad but not good either.
Trying to look the best I can.
We all getting older but not younger.
There's no good and bad in getting older only wishing we could turn back the clock and do things more different than we did but it's good going back to things it's too late to do anything about.
Sometimes life gives you another chance but other times it does not, it may teach many of us to become not just older but wiser. 8.9.2002

The winter.

The snow may look white and pretty but it's cold outside.
The evenings become gray and short: the nights become dark and long.
Dark early mornings that look like night. 8.9.2002


In between the lines.

In-between the lines we live a life that could fit into poetry.
In-between the lines we live a life that we could write into stories.
In life things don't happen the same, there could be good and bad in life, which makes our writing more interesting. 8.9.2002

The nightingale.

The nightingale is the bird of love and romance.
The turtle dove who sings sweet romance songs of love.
The poet's dream is the art of love.
No broken heart: the heart of love.
Passion is another way of love. 8.9.2002


The rose of love.

The red rose is a sign of romance.
To hear the song of love.
To dream about romance. 8.9.2002

Love verse.

To love to kiss one another.
To look is not always to touch one another.
To look into the eyes of each other to know it is right or not right in the case may be.
To sleep and dream of happiness.
For each heart to feel love.

To love on a warm sunny day under trees.
To cool down in the stream on a hot summer's day.
To love in darkness.

To enjoy the body of love.
To get close to making love.
Love is not everything in life.


You don't have to involve in making love.
The main thing is loving the person for them.
You should not get just anything you want out of them.
Love, freedom, and trust are important.

I like a man not too cheeky and not too shy.
I like him to talk to.
I don't like a man who thinks he knows everything.
Show off, cheat, he tells lies and he's too big for his boots those are the men I hate.10.12.2001 - 8.9.2002



Future of child.

Coping without a Father.
Mother bringing up a child or children in this unkind world.
To have family and friends to support.
Is a child strong enough to face this unkind world of fear and no enjoyment? 8.9.2002


Hope.

From heaven we are looking down to earth.
We make another life in another world work.
We become another person or an animal.
That's if you believe heaven is another world.
Life goes on.
No more crying.
Love again.
Be happy, we only live one. 8.9.2002

Animals.

Do you believe that you will come back as an animal?
For most people memories live on.
Do you believe that you come back as a human being if you are an animal and an animal if you are human? 8.9.2002

End of war.

Loving arms round the man you love.
No weeping and crying unless your love is not alive.
Living at peace and love at last.
The future to think about and look forward to.7.9.2002

War verse.

Feeling the future in sin and alone.
Death and life are so cruel.
Blood and burns are what you saw.
It was not all sad times.
Happiness, dancing, singing, and having a good time to hide the sadness of the war away with the hurts and losses of life.
Memories of love.
Tears of the future and past.
The wounded survivors.
Cradle the war babies to sleep.
Feel angry about the war. 8.9.2002


Freedom at last.

Sleep in peace.
What a horror of war.
What an emptiness without love.
Life goes on, it hurts, and we will get by.
Lucky for the ones who have the men they love. 7.9.2002


Poets.

We are poets.
We see you.
We hear you.
We feel you.
We smell you.
We taste you.
We touch you.
None of these things you don't do to us.
Keats, Wordsworth, Thomas, Eliot, and many more.
They may not be here: their work still lives on.
In memory and love, they will always be here with us. 8.9.2002


Let's let words flow.

If the words rhyme, they rhyme.
If the words don't rhyme, they don't rhyme.
As long as words make sense that's the main thing. 8.9.2002

Lucky.

Lucky to be alive.
We go through good and bad in life.
Lucky enough not to suffer: lucky enough to live through whatever happens in life. 8.9.2002


Write to tap words out on the computer.

It's very hard to about words to write to tap to type on the computer.
It can be hard to think about a subject to write about without having to research.
You can't always put pen to paper right away: sometimes you can.
Sometimes something goes into your head to put down the paper.
Sometimes it comes out wrong: other times it comes outright. 8.9.2002

Great Granny.

The Great Granny who loved me so much.
The Great Granny who never thought I could go wrong.
No memory of anything else other than her bonny body and bonny smiling face.
She wore those blue turned-in glasses that she wore in the 1960s.
Why could not she live a few years later so I could remember her?
I would have at least would have known her a bit more than I did. 8.9.2002

Coal.

Men going down the coal mines.
Inhale dust and dirt.
Young children are far too young.
Living on the portage, bread, and water.
Going to bed early at night and facing very early hours of the mornings.
Having been frightened of being stuck down the mines.
Young men and young boys risked their lives to feed their families, many of them did die.
Still, they had to do the job to keep their families alive.
What a cruel life it was. 8.9.2002

Drinking too much.

Enjoying drinking at the time.
It's fun and alright at night.
Up and down to the toilet.
Felt rough the next day.
Ringing work with a bad hangover.
Can't eat and frightened of being sick.
The after-effects are not fun not like when you drinking at the time. 8.9.2002

Why do I write?

I enjoy writing to put pen to paper.
Any subject that comes to mind.
I hope I interest my readers at the time. 8.9.2002

I want to help people.

I want to help people who are alone.
I want to talk to people who are worse off than me.
Each and every one of us have problems one way or the other: some people have more problems than others.
Some people are homeless others are not.
I am very lucky, I won't help people who want to be helped but if I can help.8.9.2002


Help.

Help get the homeless off the streets!
Help to stop the sunshine burning them!
Help to keep them out of the cold on cold winter nights.8.9.2002

Last chance.

I have given you your last chance to be.
I did not expect to be loving you again, it just happened because I love you so much.
You are forgiven this once but hurt me again no matter how hard it hurt me to let you go, I will have to let you go.

How lucky you are to get me back, you have taken this chance.
Don't let me don't because there will be no going back.
You only live once, you will end up a lonely old man if you let me down again.

If you are not careful someone else could step into your shoes, you don't want that do you?
Whatever came over you to go off with her in the first place?
Whatever has got into me to go back to you?
The answer is that I love you.

What does it matter what happened in the past, now we will look to the future.
I look into your eyes, I knew too well that we knew each other so well.
Now that I am back in your loving arms, I hope that this is where I belong.
I hope you are here with me to stay otherwise you can go away.

My heart and mind can only write about whether our love is right or wrong.
This is how I feel about you, my love is strong enough for you but please be honest with me if you can't stay with me.

Sometimes action speaks louder than words.
When hurt me you told me how you felt at the time about me.
You made it very clear that you did not love me anymore.
You were the only man I loved, I still do.
You locked my heart now you have opened it back again.
I have always held the key for you, rightly or wrongly I always will but not if you hurt me and lock my heart again. 8.9.2002

Lonely.

I am so lonely without you.
I don't know anyone without you.
Just like you, I have been put on this earth for a reason.
Where do I come from?
Who do I belong to?
Who am I?
Someone talk to me!
Someone help me get through this hard life? 29.5.2002

Time goes slow.

Time goes slow when nothing is going on.
Time goes slow when you are waiting for something to happen.
Still, things to make you happy come to those who wait.
Nothing worth the wait comes quickly.

When you don't want anything to happen it happens too quickly.

I wish I could eat and sleep, it's taking so long.
I am tossing and turning in bed.
I love you so much, I can't wait to see you, it's not long until I do see you but it feels like forever as I love you so much.
I don't understand what's wrong with me.
Things to worry me or is it just inside my head?
I just need to wait until I see you tonight. 20.1.2002


Hunting horse.

Hunting horse of the night.
The birds flying at such a height.
The army ran out to fright for their country and their lives.
Ships sailing on the rough sea on a rough windy night are not a pretty sight.
Hunting for food for children and wives. 8.9.2002


Life two.

Bare winter trees without leaves.
Summer starts and ends so quickly.
No flowers in a glass, just mud.
Loads of snow or no snow to make a snowman.
Birds are not to be seen, only robins singing as they fly and flap their wings.
Other birds keep themselves warm hiding until the spring.
Children playing in the snow passing the days away into the Christmas holidays.
Christmas bells ringing and people singing for the white Christmas season.
Keep your eyes closed children Father Christmas is on his way to give your presents on Christmas day. 8.9.2002


Putting on a brave face.

I used to sit with my head in my hands.
I wanted to hide away from the world.
I did not want to hear or see the world anymore.
I felt like knocking my head on the brick wall.
When I lost the man I loved so much, I found it so hard to move on.
When people looked at me, I always thought I'd done something wrong. 25.1.2002



The way to live.

Rest
food
breath
warmth
love 8.9.2002



Picking myself up.

I felt as if the whole world was coming down on me.
I never thought I'd get used to being with and without the one I love.
I never thought he loves me again.
It was hard to love someone else after loving him so long.
Deep down I knew I loved him.
He was so lucky to get me back, if I did not love him I would not have gone back.
It was hard to put a brave face on.
It's hard to stop loving him. 25.1.2002


You.

You bring me happiness.
You give me love.
You tell me wonderful things that I dream about every night.
You give me lovely thoughts to think about the day.
Hoping that our future lies together.
I hope our love will grow every day in every way.
To have fun and romance with you is all I want to do. 8.9.2002



Words.

To sound sweet music.
Resting by a warm fire.
Sleep to dream about nice things.
Riding a horse through the water on a hot summer's day.
Some dreams come true but others don't.
The cool warm air is so good for you.
In the winter the river is flowing dry through the cold, in the summer flows wet again.
Words could mean anything from the heart and mind.
Words can be said or and written down without thinking about them most of the time. 8.9.2002



The weather.

The sunshine
The blowing wind
The stars of the night
The voice that egos through the wild wind of the night.
Being sheltered under the hut from rain.
The gates blowback and to from the wind.
No wild wind or rain, it's time to play.
I hear someone calling me.
In daylight, there's not a star in the sky but maybe a cloud in the sky.
The shadow is following me.

Who could it be? 8.9.2002


To feel.

I need to feel I am next to you.
I love you.
You are mine to be.
I've known you far too long to stop loving you.
Your face is with me when I don't see you.
I remember you all the time. 8.9.2002


Me.

Sometimes I feel alone.
I don't always feel happy.
This is not over I just don't feel well.
You can't be happy all the time but you can't be sad all the time.
I am happy with you. 8.9.2002



Time to sleep.

When it's time to sleep, I dream nice things about you.
I don't want a lot of money, just enough for food, clothes, etc and to be with you.9.4.2002


The Queen Mother.

Queen Mother of England's Mum, Granny, Great Granny, and friend to us all.
Most of us may not like the Royals, she was the mail lady to love in this generation.
She was very special to us, who worked and lived through the two world wars.
In health and wealth, not many of us will live as long as she did.
There would not be this world without her.
It seems strange without her but she lived to be a good age of 1001.
I hope she will rest in peace.
She has earned her sleep.
She will be missed by us all. 9.4.2002

Children of today.

You can never bring your children up how you were bought up, you'd be breaking the law.
It's not easy because some children can push you over the edge.
What is the world coming to?
World war 3.
There's no respect for any of us. 2002 onwards.


Epilepsy.

If this is not epilepsy again, what is it?
Why have I not felt well for twelve months or so?
What's wrong with me?
My head is aching like someone has put a bomb inside it.
I keep getting an electric shock, storms like water mixing with wires.
I have been feeling sick, dizzy, shaky and my head feels heavy.
Flashing lights are worse and when the sun gets into my eyes.
When opening my eyes, it's like my eyes flicker at anything flashing as if I am going blind.
Loud knocks and fireworks scare the life out of me, I jump out of my skin on Bonfire night. 26.5.2002



My love.

My love is lost completely without you.
My future is nothing without you.
When I lost you it was true, I was having a nightmare.
I could never see what was going to happen.
I did not know where I was going to end up.
I can't get lost again: I have found you again.
I needed you more when you were not there but still, you are here now.
How did we find and lose one another in the first place?
Now that you are back I am very happy again.
How did we meet to love again?
It just happened, I am so glad it did.
I hope you are here to stay this time. 26.5.2002

Life three.

It makes you wonder why we were ever born.
It makes you wonder why there is a world.
Is there a god in this world, if so where is he?
He makes people and then breaks people.
Why does he bother at all?
He just waists his own hard work.
I remember my childhood and teenage years as if it was yesterday.
Yesterday has gone, now it's today, it's come and gone too quickly.
When I was twenty- three I started writing my life story.
It's taken me a long time to write one single line.
My memory and mind go blank to know what to write all the time. 26.5.2002



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