Summer is yet to come.
The unhappy winter has on far too long.
Summer is here at last but goes far too fast.
The trees were well covered with green leaves that are dark, light, and bright green.
The birds are singing in the leaves and the eves. 1997 - 2000
Just a poem.
How do you write a poem?
In a poem, you can write the words that you love.
You write the poem on paper then type it out to put in the book.
What subject can you write poetry about?
You can write about friendship.
You can write about love.
You can write about the stars up, high, down, and above.
You can write about anything you want and anything that comes to your mind.
Poetry is a shorter way to show your and people's feelings about life without writing a story.
A storybook is lovely to read and look at. 1997 - 2000
I'm your secret valentine.
Please be my secret valentine.
Wherever you are valentine please come to my mind.
I want someone to love me for me one day at the right time.
I have never met anyone who truly wants to be mine.
I am always told that there's someone out there for someone at some time.
I don't know if you are hard to find a valentine.
Who is the valentine girl for you and who is the valentine boy for me?
Just you wait and see.
Come on valentine guess who I could be? Late 1996 - early 1997
I was going out of my mind.
I was crazy and wrong to think there was no one else there for me better than you, Antonio, to think you weren't the person you proved yourself to be.
Little did I know then that I would find someone better than you now.
At the time I found it hard to accept that you didn't feel the same for me as I did for you.
Still, life is not all about me. Written mid-summer to Autumn 1997 to 2022.
There's no going back.
There is no going back, you were just a dream and a nightmare as if sorry to say that you are not real.
You were just in my mind and in my head, I need to think it didn't happen because that time of my life is all over now.
You aren't, weren't, and never will be the man for me.
You never knocked on my door when we were together, I was always knocking on yours so it is far too late for you to start knocking on my door now or in the future.
My feelings of love for you are now gone.
Why have you destroyed my heart and left me for another woman, which made me very sad and blue?
You played with my mind because you knew I loved you.
I couldn't see myself living life without you but I couldn't be with you now, which mainly when I was alone and you were with her.
If you didn't want me, why can't you see sense and see someone better than her, it does not have to be me.
You will never anymore spoil my relationship.
Pain has taken ages to go but has gone now.
OK, I had one affair, you know he got me drank and got me where he wanted me.
I spent too many times blaming myself but now I realize that the only blame I have is having been the victim of your love, which I am no more.
Written 1997 to 2022.
I didn't want to love again but I did, I didn't want to
I never wanted to love again but I wanted to.
You mixed my mind up but I didn't want to take it out of others what you put me through but loneliness felt as if it was killing me too.
I just know if I love again I will get hurt again or hurt others, it will make me worse again.
Who knows what I will do next, I don't know myself.
I didn't want to live on this planet with loneliness, I have had enough of this life I do not want to live anymore.
This is the end of love and life, I have had too much pain to bear.
If I get hurt it will get worse I will go round the bend.
It's not good for me to live for someone I love who does not love me.
I don't know how to love more.
Maybe I should know I did not know how to love, I thought I knew how to love.
Maybe I thought I will never ever know how to love, without falling in love too easily.
My heart does not feel and fear love, my heart feels and fears pain.
When I was a younger girl, my heart used to feel love, because I never knew or understood that love can end.
I am just frightened of feeling pain myself, I do not want to hurt another man and I don't want to get hurt myself. Written winter 1996 - 2022.
Mental abuse awareness.
Now seeing things in a different light than I did before.
I used to excuse your behavior towards me and others but not anymore.
It was as if others around me saw what I saw the way you were treating me other than me like I was blind and no one else was.
As crazy it sounds yes I did know how badly you were treating me but for a long time despite of that I loved you too much to not let you into my life again but years later I finally closed the door on you.
I have faults just like everyone and none that can be excused for.
In fact, I spent a lot of time blaming myself when we were in and out of a relationship to think most are faults of yours.
I thought I was out of my mind and falling over the edge when really I was in a bad state of mind as well as getting over a broken relationship. 1997 to 2022
Life.
Why is there a world?
Why are we ever born?
What is the world coming to?
Sooner we are born we are dead.
Life can hit you in the face without a warning so make the most of it. 5.8.2002
Disability and work.
Why are society and the world is so confusing?
Why put people with disabilities down?
Why don't you give us a chance to live our lives how we want?
You would not like people telling you that you can't live your life how you want to.
Why don't you learn to understand people with disabilities, as much as you may learn you may not know as a non-disabled person what it's like to have disabilities.
Why don't you get people with disabilities a job if they want one, they support getting in the job!
We may well be slow but accept how we are then we will do a good job. 6.8.2002
Words that come to mind.
I dread the snow blocking the doors now winter is on its way.
I look forward to seeing snow on the windows outside.
The winter comes to life with snow but not when it stops transport. 7.8.2002
My disability.
Like to have the chance to live my life without being put down and turned away from society, if I like many other people with disabilities are not accepted, why are we on this earth?
It hurts to hear the truth of what we don't want to hear but when we have too many people telling us different things we get confused.
Maybe if I wait for people they will wait for me.
I am very willing to learn things.
When everyone is not thinking the same about what the rules for people with disabilities right it becomes very confusing.
Support should be given when that person wants it but otherwise, help them speak their own minds.
All we need is time and support 12-18.8.2002
How did he write?
How did he read what he wrote?
He must have been a remarkable guy.
How did he write if he was blind?
See people with disabilities are creative, they can get jobs.
We all work in different ways sense, feel sight, smell, taste, touch, or even all.
How did he know that he was writing what he wanted to write?
How did he get down on paper what was going on through his mind?
I guess he could not see pictures and he may not have got the support.
I guess there was no braille or any other support in the 1600s.
The 1600s was John Milton,s time, life must have been dark for him to be blind.
It's hard for someone to understand who is blind.
Blind is not just blind insight, dyslexia is word blindness, and Autism is mindblindness.
People with all kinds of disabilities manage more than what people think, even though we are slower because of our disabilities which makes us better than people who do have not got anything to slow them down.
By not seeing you must worry that you are feeling and touching the wrong things.
How do you know if you are touching the right people?
The answer is only by voice.
It must be hurtful not to see what you have achieved.
I think a lot of people who are clever have disabilities.
The blind may have a lot of support now but not in John Milton,s time. 19.21.8.2002
Jonathan Swift 1667-1745.
He wrote about the ships sailing on the rough sea.
He must have been bought up into the world of the sea.
The sails blowing in the wind.
He had epilepsy just like me.
I am so lucky to have tablets to cure my epilepsy.
There is always a way of achieving things in life whether you have a disability, health problem, or not.
You just need to get the help and support in what you want to do and show willingness.
Years ago there were not any changes or support but a lot of frame people with disabilities achieved things at home because they knew society would not accept them but sadly their work was only seen after their death, society knew it was wrong then.
People knew they had things wrong with them back then but did not know what like we do today. 22,23.8.2002
Christmas Eve.
It was twelve o, clock at Midnight.
The children were asleep.
Father Christmas came down the chimney.
Good boys and girls get Christmas presents.
Can you hear the bells ringing?
I hope you are fast asleep. 14.12.10.2002
Christmas Day.
On Christmas day Merry and Sherry opened their presents at three o, clock on a snowy Christmas morning.
The girls were half asleep but too happy to carry on sleeping, they could not wait any longer.
" The presents are not under the Christmas tree, Merry?"
" Why not, where is the Christmas tree, Sherry?"
" I think we have got up far too early, Merry."
For some reason, Sherry picked up the maroon curtain and looked through the window.
" Look, Merry, it's pure white snow out there and there's the Christmas tree."
" Don't be silly Sherry Christmas can't be outside, Father Christmas may have taken it down thinking we are not asleep."
" Look through the Window Merry!"
"So the Christmas tree is there Sherry, I must be seeing as I am dreaming."
" It's true, Merry."
" I know Sherry."
The girls opened some presents around the tree in the snow.
In those, there were very few children had for Christmas but they were still happy with what they did have.
Merry and Sherry had oranges and nuts but the Christmas being outside was a present for them itself that's how happy they were.
There were very few presents the girls could open before Mummy and Daddy got but they still had oranges and nuts. 17. 12.2002
Burt the bird.
There was a blackbird called Burt.
He sang in so many words.
He ate so many worms that were burned from his wife Mrs. Wormy Bird.
It was surprising his throat was not red enough to be burned and hurt.
Mrs. Bird would boil all the worms in a saucepan.
The worms would be as black as coal. 29.7.2002
EVERY DAY GOD BRINGS A NEW DAY.
When you wake up in the morning light.
The weather could be dull or bright.
The day could be good or bad even a mix of good and bad.
Whatever kind of day we still have to face life, just can't hideaway.
No matter how frightened we may be every day can't stay the same, even though happiness is what we like.
Life goes on, the longer you leave the worse it gets.
Whatever is good it's worth making it better but don't make it any worse if it's bad.
Nothing happens overnight, it takes time and sometimes money.
I am not a churchgoer but I don't have a problem with people who go to church.
Everyone each to their own.
I believe when things are going wrong, where there's a will there's away.
There's a light at the end of the tunnel one way or another.
Life goes on however it goes on but life is what you make it. 21-27.10.2002
To get along in life.
Keep your head up high to the ceiling and the sky.
Never tell a lie.
Be trustful towards people, then they may well be trusting back towards you.
Never let people walk all over you, never trust them if they do let you down and cross you.
Let what you want in life come to you.
It's easy for us saying these things, it's doing or not doing these things because we all make mistakes and we tell lies if we say we don't make mistakes.
We do things that we regret at times, with most things there's no going back and starting again to put things how they should have been the first time.
Don't hurt people because they may turn to hate you.
Turn your back on people who hate you, you don't need them there are plenty of people who will like you if you try hard enough, there's good and bad in everything, just don't make the same mistake to push other people away.
Never hide away from the truth, even if you are in the wrong.
You win some: you lose some.
Give peace to the world then the world gives peace back to you.
Be strong, let them go if they are going to go.
Never depend on people to be in your life forever.
You can't do everything by the book.
You can only do your best. 19-18.2.2003
The World.
Why is the war on top of crime, is it not unsafe enough?
Why war and crime at all?
Why should we live in fear of becoming victims?
It seems as if the whole world is coming to peace.
If things are how they are now, what will it be like for the next generation?
Wherever we are from, why can't we feel free in our country, instead of having to lock the door and instead of having to live in fear of walking down the street?
Why do people have to hurt one another, what happens to the days if you did not like them you would not speak to them?
You would not even go near someone if you did not know them, let alone like or dislike them, yet we were less frightened to speak to anyone back then.
Today no one knows anyone not even the people who live next door to them, it's sad because people had more friends once they knew people next door to them and some people knew every person who lived in their street.
It should not matter who and what we are, we are all human beings and we all want peace.
War gives us more pain so does crime.19.3.2003
Art.
Paints
Crayons
Felts
Coloring pencils
Paper
Board
Frames
Pictures
Art is full of feeling and life, it works like poetry, plays, novels, and short stories.
Every picture tells a story. 2-.3.2003
Childhood.
I was an Autistic child but only very mild.
I used to cry when the light was off at night.
I used to cry when I wet the bed at night.
I used to feel alone even though I was not alone.
I used to hear voices downstairs, I did not want to miss out on a thing. 27.5.2003
Cruel world.
I know I am a Church of England.
Why did god, if there's such a man have to take you away from the world so early?
Why did you have to go before we met?
War has spoiled our life together that's never happened but has spoiled it forever.
No memory and no fun.
Not even one thing for you and me to look forward to.
No chance to see what I should have seen, still it was not to be.
Christmas, death days, and birthdays upset me more.30.12.2003
' TALKING TO THE GRAVES.'
I must talk to you, even though I don't know if you are real or not.
I might be here, you might be there but either of us could be anywhere.
Whatever happened nothing has changed for us, it never will.
I saw you looking at the newspaper, you had thick blond curly hair
I started to feel something for you as a person but I thought I may have to control it because you may have a wife.
I knew there was never going to be you and me because you may be married or not for real.
To my surprise in my dreams you kissed me, I could not believe my luck.
The hard thing was I was given a choice between you and your twin brother who as well could be in heaven.
It was just a dream I had that turned into a nightmare, no one knows if you were a story or real that I will never know.
I was so much looking forward to seeing you when you would have come home from war.
Whether you lived or died it was either a nightmare or a dream but not really.
I was looking forward to making a fresh start.
At night, there are so many stars in the sky.
I really do believe that you and all good people in heaven are there. 30.12.2003
Think about!
Think about the good and the bad in today's world.
Drugs give people the worse grief of all in today's world.
Murders, rapes, mugging, and many more say it all.
The greatest thing in the world is love and support for us all.
We can't have good news all the while but there's more bad news than good. 30.12.2003
Life.
Why do we moan?
What do we moan about?
Do we stop thinking about people worse off than us because they don't moan?
The kind of people who don't have enough money to feed themselves and dress.
People who have to sleep on hard floors.
No toys for children.
No magazines, make-up, and clothes for teenagers.
Why do they make out they are always happy yet they don't have anything at all.
30.12.2003
Animals.
Animals are loving to us if we are loving to them.
Not all people are kind to animals.
Some animals like some people can be frightened of strangers until they get to know them.
Some people can be frightened of people until they get to know them.
Some animals can be frightened of animals until they get to know them.
Anything can happen in animal and human nature.
In a lot of ways, animals are brighter than human beings.
Most of us find it hard to understand animals, maybe animals understand us better than we understand them.
We are not clever to understand how animals talk but they can understand us when we talk.
If we hurt we can hurt back but animals can hurt people even harder if they hurt but you can't blame them.
At the end of the day, animals know more about what they want than human beings do.
Not all animals can stick up for themselves just like not all people can stick for their selves.
( Who will and can stick for animals been picked by human beings and other animals?)
Most people treat animals like soft toys rather than living animals.
( Why do pick on living things that can't fight back?)
We are frightened of something coming back to us.
We should not start it in the first place.
It comes only comes back on us in the end, we have to accept that it serves us right. 30.12.2003
Spiders.
Big black spiders.
Big black-bodied spiders.
Eight black legs.
Spiders come rushing without you knowing.
Some of us love them.
Some of us hate them.
Most of us are scared of them.
Some of us have nightmares about spiders.
Most of us catch spiders in jars and keep them as pets.
I am not scared of them, I just don't like them most when they are there when you don't know they are there.
I don't like them around me.
What about you? 12-16.4.2004
Depression.
I can wake up and feel low in the mornings for no reason at all.
Sometimes I can feel as if I am going to cry but it does not always.
How strange is that?
Sometimes I start laughing but once I do I have a job to stop the same as crying or I can feel as if I am going to do either but I can't do either.
I can feel sad for no reason yet I can feel happy for no reason. 19.4.2004
Life goes on.
The children play.
The teenagers dress up, grow up, have boyfriends, girlfriends.
Most adults become Mums, Dads, Grans, Granddads.
Going out and getting drunk.
Going to college and getting a job.
Getting old with a walking stick.
Look around the condor, life has gone.
Where has it gone?
Life and time have not gone anywhere.
What are we doing here in the first place?
Why are we here?
Who and what has bought us here?
Who knows?
Are we going to another world?
These are questions that can't be answered. 20-21.4.2004
Home for me
Home for me to bed for the night.
Home for me to feed my month, then out for the night.
Home for me to study.
Home for me to work on my computer.
How for I to draw, write poetry and short stories.22.4.2004
My nightmare.
To look in the mirror to see that I am old and gray.
To see every day of my life waste away.
To scream at seeing wrinkles on my face.
To grow old and moan like my Mother.
To turn not as good-looking as I used to be.
I just want to be me, no change when I could be spending money on my health. 23.4.2004
Have I been sleeping: have I been dreaming?
I close my eyes, and I hear a heavy storm.
Am I hearing, sleeping, or and dreaming?
When I open my eyes, I don't feel as if I have been asleep at all.
I can't sleep until the following night.
Some nights I feel as if I have no sleep.
Other nights I feel as if I have been to sleep forever. 26-27.4.2004
It's not easy to make myself understood.
I am not the person I appear to be.
Apart from me is me because I have to be even though of me is what I want to be.
There are things in life I have faced that I don't want, If you love me you'd at least try and accept with me.
Like a lot of people, I do have not much money but I still have to have a life.
I hate depending on people to help me out a lot, mostly I like to do things myself.
You don't make it easy for me, it would be nice just to get a bit of support off you complaining about, without us falling out and without us being close to spiting up.
If you are going to be so silly to let the hard times of society slit us up, well you just can't love me enough.
I get so many strange looks from people because I have a boyfriend who can't seem to understand my tough situations.
I don't want people to feel sorry for me, so stop making a fool out of me!
I hate people saying you don't buy me a drink when you do.
Please don't let society and the people in it get to you, nothing should stop us from loving one another otherwise you don't love me at all.
A lot of people tend to think I beg money off people because I don't have much money myself, that is not true I find a way to get through on my own somehow.
Jobs are hard to find for anyone but if you have a disability like myself, it's even harder.
If you have fits like me and you live alone, you are frightened of not waking up.
This is the life I have to face, either love me or doesn't love me but make up your mind either way!
They are just things in life we can't choose to have, it's there whether we like it or not.
As human beings, we don't have to do everything we say and do.
Mainly the things we don't have a choice is with the government. 22-25.7.2004
What flowers do I like?
Roses
Daffodils
Daises
Bluebells
Buttercups 26.7.2004
Life is too short to waste.
Choose what you want out of life when you get a choice.
Gap life with both hands, with a lot of things in this life you only get one chance.
Never mind the good and the bad, life is here to enjoy and make the most of however long or short it lasts.
Try not to get too stressed out with the bad things in life but enjoy the good. 29.7.2004 - 1.8.2004
How I hate Sundays.
I hate Sundays because the days and nights are too short.
Any time of year these days are wet, rainy dull, and grey.
Sunny hot days make Sunday slightly brighter but whatever the weather Sunday is still a very quiet day.
It's even worse on dark winter nights when the days are short and the nights are long but I find Sunday short all day.
The buses either run every hour or every half an hour. 31.12.2004
I open up a page to write, then my mind goes blank.
There's either too much on my mind or nothing at all.
When I have a lot on my mind my pen writes with it, at the same time I don't find it very easy to take notice of how it looks on paper.
My writing always seems to look very untidy, then I type it if I can make sense of what I have written in the first place.
I try to tidy my work up on paper after I have written it but I may support doing so because I don't always notice every mistake, which is due to my dyslexia. 31.12.2004
We are not always what we look like.
We are not always what we seem to like.
We may the same the wrong things through misunderstanding without meaning to anyone or anything harmful.
We feel unhappy and cross when people get unhappy and cross us because of our disability and being understood.
Sometimes we appear to be who and what we are not.
Sometimes we seem selfish but we don't mean to be.
We tend to feel down because of having to appear misunderstood it's does not make us feel as if we are having equal lives with non-disabled people.
Every person with a disability wants to teach people to understand, Autism is not the only disability that gets misunderstood lots of people with different disabilities get misunderstood.7.1.2005
What are we missing in the world?
We are not missing anything.
The good things in life are very few but the world is not all black and white.
Good and bad are however you look at life in each and every way.
Mobile phones.
Computers.
The internet on computers and mobile phones.
In some ways, it may make life easy for you but in other ways, it could make life hard for you.
The internet is good for searching for information, is that good for you or does it take the old fashioned ways of doing things?
Are we doing fewer things for ourselves than we used, maybe we end up depending on computers too much?
For eg; the spell check puts our spelling mistakes right but do we remember how to spell the right word it has shown us?
It shows that old-fashioned spelling tests have gone out the window.
Mind you for years we used book dictionaries, how many of us learned the word as we found the word?
How many of us try to work out a sum before going on the calculator?
If we are not careful could about computers so much that we won't be learning anything ourselves, well could be the next generation anyway.
The internet could save us from going to the library but then put the libraries out of business.
It can be good to listen to our music and could save us a lot of money on CDs and that.
Save us a lot of work with pens and paper, if you make a lot of mistakes clear the screen rather than wasting loads of paper and getting through a load of pens.
Like I said it is not all good and not all bad, it can save and cause you to spend
a lot of money in many ways, mainly with all these downloads. 12.5.2005
Today more lives turn into death through murders, rapes, muggings, and many nasty things in the world today.
Illnesses are very few and in between hospitals have the equipment and research they used to have.
Children are now hurting their parents and teachers.
Adults can get sent to jail if they stick to themselves.
I would not like to think of the world in the next generation because we will be having to let children do what they want to.
Thank god, I will never know how worse it's going to get.
If that is not true, is it true that dead people look down on us, if so what would they think about this generation now?
This does not mean to say there is not any good in the world today.
I just hope we are more open-minded to the world than what we were or are we too open-minded, who knows!
Sometimes too much said can take respect away: not enough said nothing gets heard or done.
Years ago it was hush or no one knew a thing.
Children were seen not heard. 13.5.2005
It's good that we can use our voice and say how we feel about life.
It's also good that we can use our voice in private as well as in public.
We really need to support one another more than we ever did before, maybe we are aware of so much more.
People's problems have come to a lot more out in the open than what they were, mainly when it comes to crime, relationship break-ups, and other things too.
There was a time when people never knew how to talk about these things because they were never taught how to.
You carried out pictures out in your minds not knowing how to talk about them, whatever happened was either not talked about or it would take a long time to be said.
Most of the time it was never understood once it was said, depending on what was said.
In the eyes of society no one knew anything, now no one knows no one because you don't know who you can trust with too much crime.
If you spoke, you could not explain because you were seen not heard.
Doctors and nurses are more educated than they used to be or should be.
You can talk more openly than you used to but we still have a long way to go.
Changing for good and bad will never stop.
We can go on forever about what's better and worse in today's world. 14.5.2005
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