Need to know the reasons.
I know I told you in the text that I sent you that I wanted to know the reasons why we have to part.
I have tried to put the reasons out of my mind behind but I just can’t.
Sorry to say that I’m going out of my mind.
I need to know if I have done anything wrong, if so what?
I don't want to make you love me if you don't love me.
Somehow some way I need to move on.I need to know if I have done anything wrong, if so what?
I don't want to make you love me if you don't love me.
How long have you been fed up of me?
Didn't I show you enough love?
Wasn't I there when you wanted me to be there or was I there when you didn't want me to be there?
I don’t want to force you into another you don’t want to do.
I love and care for you too much to put stress on you I love you so much I will need to let you go, which is hard to do.
Didn't I show you enough love?
Wasn't I there when you wanted me to be there or was I there when you didn't want me to be there?
I don’t want to force you into another you don’t want to do.
I love and care for you too much to put stress on you I love you so much I will need to let you go, which is hard to do.
Even though I have a rough idea of the reason why, I need to be sure I'm right in some cases I hope I'm wrong.
I may have done nothing wrong it may be something that's no one’s' fault.
I've always prepared myself for the worst because nothing has lasted for me in the past.
Take your time to tell me I will wait forever, I guess I only have myself to blame.
I feel as if I'm in a black hole, I feel so sad.
I know I have my conscience to fight.
All I need is a peace of mind.
I can't believe I've hurt the one I love so much.
I know I won't get anyone better than you.
The next one will be like the rest of them therefore it won't last.
I want to move forward not back.
I've blew it with it right one, which is you.
I may have done nothing wrong it may be something that's no one’s' fault.
I've always prepared myself for the worst because nothing has lasted for me in the past.
Take your time to tell me I will wait forever, I guess I only have myself to blame.
I feel as if I'm in a black hole, I feel so sad.
I know I have my conscience to fight.
All I need is a peace of mind.
I can't believe I've hurt the one I love so much.
I know I won't get anyone better than you.
The next one will be like the rest of them therefore it won't last.
I want to move forward not back.
I've blew it with it right one, which is you.
Didn't I treat you right?
Put me right on what I did wrong so I don't make the same mistake again.
Right now I'm going out of my mind.
Whether it's in my face, letter text or phone please let me know.
My last love finished with me because I was around him too much.
Having learned from that mistake, I have tried so hard to be independent or have I become too independent?
I thought you'd like your women independent, we never saw that much of one another anyway.
Please tell me how I can keep a man happy?
I know I washed my hands of him, which caused us to see even less of one another, but at least I saw you for a little while, how should that affect us when he didn't know about us?
If I hadn't have turned up because of him, you may have thought I was cheating on you, that's what I wouldn't do. 16.10.2012
Put me right on what I did wrong so I don't make the same mistake again.
Right now I'm going out of my mind.
Whether it's in my face, letter text or phone please let me know.
My last love finished with me because I was around him too much.
Having learned from that mistake, I have tried so hard to be independent or have I become too independent?
I thought you'd like your women independent, we never saw that much of one another anyway.
Please tell me how I can keep a man happy?
I know I washed my hands of him, which caused us to see even less of one another, but at least I saw you for a little while, how should that affect us when he didn't know about us?
If I hadn't have turned up because of him, you may have thought I was cheating on you, that's what I wouldn't do. 16.10.2012
Time to move on.
Now that you have gone for good the days and nights seem longer than before we parted.
Even though we spend little time together when we were together, it's as if a big part of my life is missing, I'm missing you a lot more.
Although I will see you again some day as just friends this will take some getting used to, it won't be the same as before.
It's good to know that there was no lieing, falling out and cheating.
Don't worry it's not a lot different than it was before after all, your secret is still safe with me, just the same as it was when we were together.
I need to write poetry to keep myself stable and help myself to move on.
I need to accept what you want.
I don't regret a single minute of time we spend together.
I understand why it had to end but I wouldn't lie to say I would love to go back to where it was again. 30.10.2012
You turn on and off like a light.
I can take no more of your pain, your mind turns on and off like a light.
One minute your mind is rain then it shines.
I never know how long your mine,
If I take anymore of your change of mind, I will blew the fuse and go out of my mind.
You change like the weather winter, summer and spring.
If the water catches wires it will pull out the fire.
If I let you carry on, I will blow a storm that will rise to fire, 30.10.2012
Winter is coming.
The winter is coming; the cold is coming without you.
Dark mornings and dark nights as the cold frost bites into the morning light.
The days are shorter and the nights are longer without you.
Six mouth of winter go on forever after the clocks go back.
Time seems late than what it is because winter is so dark.
The cold is longer without you. 30.10.2012
Moving forward.
The door has closed but it's too cold yet for other doors to open.
It doesn't seem as if there are anymore doors to open as I have walked through them all.
If there' anymore doors to open they will open in the spring ready for the summer.
Walk into Autumn doors will close for winter.
The future is an unknown world. 30.10.2012
Now that you have gone for good the days and nights seem longer than before we parted.
Even though we spend little time together when we were together, it's as if a big part of my life is missing, I'm missing you a lot more.
Although I will see you again some day as just friends this will take some getting used to, it won't be the same as before.
It's good to know that there was no lieing, falling out and cheating.
Don't worry it's not a lot different than it was before after all, your secret is still safe with me, just the same as it was when we were together.
I need to write poetry to keep myself stable and help myself to move on.
I need to accept what you want.
I don't regret a single minute of time we spend together.
I understand why it had to end but I wouldn't lie to say I would love to go back to where it was again. 30.10.2012
You turn on and off like a light.
I can take no more of your pain, your mind turns on and off like a light.
One minute your mind is rain then it shines.
I never know how long your mine,
If I take anymore of your change of mind, I will blew the fuse and go out of my mind.
You change like the weather winter, summer and spring.
If the water catches wires it will pull out the fire.
If I let you carry on, I will blow a storm that will rise to fire, 30.10.2012
Winter is coming.
The winter is coming; the cold is coming without you.
Dark mornings and dark nights as the cold frost bites into the morning light.
The days are shorter and the nights are longer without you.
Six mouth of winter go on forever after the clocks go back.
Time seems late than what it is because winter is so dark.
The cold is longer without you. 30.10.2012
Moving forward.
The door has closed but it's too cold yet for other doors to open.
It doesn't seem as if there are anymore doors to open as I have walked through them all.
If there' anymore doors to open they will open in the spring ready for the summer.
Walk into Autumn doors will close for winter.
The future is an unknown world. 30.10.2012
Don't think because I'm alone.
Only because I'm alone doesn't mean I'm free to love anyone for a long time.
As far your mind works, I'm not a free woman because you don't know I'm single.
I want to move forward not back in my life.
I don't need you to mess my head around anymore.
Now I'm staying away from you.
Don't think because I'm alone that I'm coming back into your life because I'm not.
I will make sure that you won't know wheather I'm single or not.
I'm keeping away from you so you don't get your chance to love me to hurt me again.
Love, you don't even know what the word love means.
May be I am lonely but it's better than being with you to hurt me all over again like you have so many times before.
How many chances do you want?
If you think I am wasting the rest of my life on you, then the news is bad for you.
I'm not giving you a anymore chances for you to love me to hurt me again.
I find it hard to forgive and forget what you did to me.
Why should I forgive you at all?
I used to find it hard to stop loving now I find it hard to love again.
Why would I try to love you again after what you put me through?
Now I just have no trust in you yet once I believed in you so much.
I should never have gone back to you, I should have known better than giving you another chance.
I may well now be single, which could be for a long time but not forever, I believe I will met someone better than you one day.
The longer I am single the more he will be worth the wait as well as the date.
I don't want to love you for you to hurt me again.
You confused my mind and messed with my head with your silly mind games not knowing whether you wanted me or not.
I want someone who knows what and who he wants.
Now you have lost your chance to love me again.
You knew I used to love you so much that you played with head.
After losing you it took a long time to get my life back together again.
Little did I realise that I was better off without you, how blind was I?
Everyday I used to hope that you'd change but you just got worse.
Just because I'm alone it doesn't mean you can touch me because I feel nothing for you.
Nothing at all.
You may laugh now because I'm alone, it may be a long time but I'm more than willing to get back on my feet again so I won't be alone forever.
You don't break me anymore.
I have got my life back together before, I will do it again.
I feel nothing for you anymore.
You never loved me and cared for me as much as I did for you.
You didn't love me as much as I thought you did.
You didn't love me at all.
I can't believe I loved a man for 13 and a half years on and off who didn't love me.
Our relationship was based on you lying about your feelings towards me.
I was too blind to disbelieve you.
Time to move on.
It's time for me to stop turning up on your door step. 5.11.2012 -
18.11.2012
Only because I'm alone doesn't mean I'm free to love anyone for a long time.
As far your mind works, I'm not a free woman because you don't know I'm single.
I want to move forward not back in my life.
I don't need you to mess my head around anymore.
Now I'm staying away from you.
Don't think because I'm alone that I'm coming back into your life because I'm not.
I will make sure that you won't know wheather I'm single or not.
I'm keeping away from you so you don't get your chance to love me to hurt me again.
Love, you don't even know what the word love means.
May be I am lonely but it's better than being with you to hurt me all over again like you have so many times before.
How many chances do you want?
If you think I am wasting the rest of my life on you, then the news is bad for you.
I'm not giving you a anymore chances for you to love me to hurt me again.
I find it hard to forgive and forget what you did to me.
Why should I forgive you at all?
I used to find it hard to stop loving now I find it hard to love again.
Why would I try to love you again after what you put me through?
Now I just have no trust in you yet once I believed in you so much.
I should never have gone back to you, I should have known better than giving you another chance.
I may well now be single, which could be for a long time but not forever, I believe I will met someone better than you one day.
The longer I am single the more he will be worth the wait as well as the date.
I don't want to love you for you to hurt me again.
You confused my mind and messed with my head with your silly mind games not knowing whether you wanted me or not.
I want someone who knows what and who he wants.
Now you have lost your chance to love me again.
You knew I used to love you so much that you played with head.
After losing you it took a long time to get my life back together again.
Little did I realise that I was better off without you, how blind was I?
Everyday I used to hope that you'd change but you just got worse.
Just because I'm alone it doesn't mean you can touch me because I feel nothing for you.
Nothing at all.
You may laugh now because I'm alone, it may be a long time but I'm more than willing to get back on my feet again so I won't be alone forever.
You don't break me anymore.
I have got my life back together before, I will do it again.
I feel nothing for you anymore.
You never loved me and cared for me as much as I did for you.
You didn't love me as much as I thought you did.
You didn't love me at all.
I can't believe I loved a man for 13 and a half years on and off who didn't love me.
Our relationship was based on you lying about your feelings towards me.
I was too blind to disbelieve you.
Time to move on.
It's time for me to stop turning up on your door step. 5.11.2012 -
18.11.2012
Poems 2014.
Happy New Year 2014.
New Year yet I am well behind in my poetry.
Christmas and New Year has come and gone like a book that's opened and closed.
Nothing seems to change yet time never stands still this life.
As the year ends it's another chapter in your life that doesn't always change at that time.
A new year and a year old to come then a new year becomes an older, closes then there's a new year again until the day we died.
It's so unknown why we are born as we are going to die.
When? Is a question of time? 1.1.2014
Now I need to sort out my life.
The years are rolling by.
Like us all I am not getting any younger but I only hope I'm getting wiser.
Time is running so fast but life is too short to waste.
There’s nowhere to run nowhere to hide.
I can't affront to waste any time but without meaning to that's what I seem to do, I must be going out of my mind.
Long before now I have for loves that were blind, in time I will see if I have got it right this time. 1.1.2014
You make me feel.
When I speak to you on the phone and face to face, you make me feel so special, you just have something that no one has and had.
You bring butterflies in my stomach.
You fill my mind with far too many loving thoughts.
You wouldn't believe how much in 2014, I want to see a little more of you than I did in 2013.
It's almost a year since I started chatting to you on the disabled dating site, nearly year my dear.
Nothing this life runs without any fears my dear.
Let's hope with you I will see my life and the world more clearly my dear.
My mind never stops thinking and wondering when I will see you again but whenever it is you’re worth the wait.
I know when each of our dates have been over when you go back on the train, my eyes fill up with tears of water flowing like the sea.
This is what you do to me, I miss you so much but if we wait long enough the time will be right in time.
This is how you make me feel; to me you are worth waiting for. 2.1.2014
Good 2013.
I don't think anyone believed at the time that I wasn't looking for love.
One thing I never said that I was just feeling very low at that time but that wasn't the reason I ended up falling in love.
I started chatting to you on the dating site but to start with I saw you as friend then my feelings became strong.
OK, I went on the disabled dating site online, In the first place I wanted to chat to be people but I will honest at that time love was the last thing on my mind.
I spoke to a few people before you; I have to say that they weren't my kind of friends never mind my kind of lovers.
With what I had gone through before you, love was the last thing on my mind until at least a month after I started chatting to you.
As time went on my feelings started to get stronger towards you just after our second date in May, I have never looked back since. 2.1.2014
2013.
We had a fair mouth of summer last year we can only hope for the same if not this summer in 2014.
It was quite a change around after the complete wash out of rain summer 2012.
Therefore I was excepting a very early heavy winter the end of 2013, when I guess it's yet to come the start of 2014.
How strange we don't get a white Christmas very often now, which mostly happened long before the 2000s.
The 2000s have been full of fireworks and storms with so much rain it's been hard to keep the fire burning to keep warm.
No wonder we are depending on cent-re heating and the bills are running high. 2.1.2014
Last day of 2013.
I can only be honest that I haven't had a bad year that year.
Life is ups and downs for everyone not just you and me.
In my mind I had a good year thanks to you and my career.
Hopefully now its 2014 things can only get better.
Before I met you I was never really lucky in love, although I thought I was.
Feelings can make you hope and except too much which is hard not to do when you’re in love.
The last day of 2013 seemed hard to close the chapter or the book but I can only hope 2014 is even better.
Like everything for everything life is full of ups.
Life is full of downs, sad, ups and happy.
Ok things are getting harder and the world is going mad but life goes on until we die. 2.1.2014
The way I feel about you.
Love is you and me.
You and I loving each other is the main thing that counts.
The best thing about each other is both of us.
No strings attached we don't run or control one another's lives.
We are our own people we are ourselves.
We love each other at the end of the day in each and every way.
When I spoke to you for the first time I saw you as a very good friend I never thought you'd become my lover.
Many people thought I was looking for love on the disabled dating, to start with what I had been through before I met you love didn't cross my mind.
The more I was talking to you online the more my feelings were growing stronger towards you.
Now the stronger I feel I don't want to lose your love.
I love your personality sense of humor but most of all I love you.
If only we could love each other more to keep each other warm. 21.2.2014
We need to get to know each other more.
We need to get to know each more.
We need to start dating more; my feelings like yours are getting stronger and stronger.
It's surprising just by chatting online a lot that we can create just a bond together that's so strong by talking on the phone, online and text.
Despite of living so far apart we still need to find a way of seeing each other not only to get to know one another but by having a loving contact together.
You have given happiness even in that little time we have spent together to love one another.
It's good to hold onto who we have who are each other.
I have learned in the end that no love has been worth it if they break your heart you haven't hurt me so far. 22.2.2014
I thought I had nothing and everything.
I thought I had nothing and everything before I knew you.
Despite I don't see a lot of you my life have changed for the better since I have met you.
Now you have become my work.
The only thing I miss is us holding one another.
I will travel miles to see you to love you.
I wasn't looking for love when we met on the Disabled dating site I thought I'd be just making friends with people.
As we got chatting our bond got closer and closer.
Our feelings got stronger and stronger.
Happiness of love helps sadness of ups and downs of life.
A lot of men are never happy with whom they have got but they become twice as sad when that love has gone. 22.2.2014
I thought I had nothing and everything before I knew you.
Despite I don't see a lot of you my life have changed for the better since I have met you.
Now you have become my work.
The only thing I miss is us holding one another.
I will travel miles to see you to love you.
I wasn't looking for love when we met on the Disabled dating site I thought I'd be just making friends with people.
As we got chatting our bond got closer and closer.
Our feelings got stronger and stronger.
Happiness of love helps sadness of ups and downs of life.
A lot of men are never happy with whom they have got but they become twice as sad when that love has gone. 22.2.2014
My love was blind.
My love was once blind.
Everyone could see in him what I couldn't see.
I must have been out of my mind as well as blind not to se see.
I must have seen years of dark then came the light.
I realized he wasn't the man I thought, why did it take me so long?
He wasn't love I hoped; I only dream t he was no love at all.
It took me so long to see that he wasn't love for me to be.
It may have taken me so long but at least I realized some day.
Better to realize some day than not at all.
Now thank goodness I don't feel a thing for this man who hurt me anymore. 23.2.2014
I was woken by the wind.
I was woken by the singing wild wind.
The rain and the wind seem like a big thing.
This has seemed to be heavy which such a pain on the window pane is.
The snow snowed with rain but didn't stick.
Hot summers have long gone.
I was woken by the singing wild wind.
The rain and the wind seem like a big thing.
This has seemed to be heavy which such a pain on the window pane is.
The snow snowed with rain but didn't stick.
Hot summers have long gone.
Long cold winters yet to come.
The weather has a mind of us own just like we human beings.
Very few if not any stars in the sky like it used to be.
There are most things so unknown that so many questions are never ever answered in this life. 23.12014
I thought this was the beginning of the end.
I let it
I let it
walked away a long time before I did but my feelings were far too strong to walk away altogether.
In time I knew I'd walk away one day then I did, I just never thought I could.
It was only my feelings keeping me where I was.
It was my feelings that made me give him chance after chance.
He knew how much I loved him, he thought he could walk in out my life as much as he wanted to but he was wrong.
When he hurt me again I couldn't cope anymore.
When I didn't feel anything anymore couldn't cope because he didn't have me to love and hurt again.
In fact in my mind now he didn't love me at all he just played games with my mind. 24.2.2014
In time I knew I'd walk away one day then I did, I just never thought I could.
It was only my feelings keeping me where I was.
It was my feelings that made me give him chance after chance.
He knew how much I loved him, he thought he could walk in out my life as much as he wanted to but he was wrong.
When he hurt me again I couldn't cope anymore.
When I didn't feel anything anymore couldn't cope because he didn't have me to love and hurt again.
In fact in my mind now he didn't love me at all he just played games with my mind. 24.2.2014
There's no perfect life.
Little time we have together we make most of every moment we have got when we do.
You’re far too special to me to not have you in my life.
Now you have become more than friend you are my lover.
Thanks to you babe I am happier than I have ever been.
You have changed my world.
Now matter how hard we try, there's no perfect life.
Good days, bad days, happy days, sad days, angrily and laughing days.
Meaning of poetry.
Meaning of poetry is words.
Most people see poetry as boring cause a lot of words are truth of very often not what most people want to hear.
Not necessary the truth is boring when there are things most people want to hear.
We can talk forever.
We can think forever.
We can write forever.
We can read forever.
Whether or not a poet's work is boring it's down to the poet not to be boring so the reader is interested but then it depends what the reader is interested in.
The truth is down on paper from the poet's mind and down to the reader's taste of lines in what the poet says. 24.2.2014
Little time we have together we make most of every moment we have got when we do.
You’re far too special to me to not have you in my life.
Now you have become more than friend you are my lover.
Thanks to you babe I am happier than I have ever been.
You have changed my world.
Now matter how hard we try, there's no perfect life.
Good days, bad days, happy days, sad days, angrily and laughing days.
Meaning of poetry.
Meaning of poetry is words.
Most people see poetry as boring cause a lot of words are truth of very often not what most people want to hear.
Not necessary the truth is boring when there are things most people want to hear.
We can talk forever.
We can think forever.
We can write forever.
We can read forever.
Whether or not a poet's work is boring it's down to the poet not to be boring so the reader is interested but then it depends what the reader is interested in.
The truth is down on paper from the poet's mind and down to the reader's taste of lines in what the poet says. 24.2.2014
meaning of writing.
From the time the teacher hit me with the ruler because I forget to miss a line between the date and title in handwriting.
I had to write lines saying mustn't forget to miss a line between the date and title.
The school led me to believe I was thick because they didn't understand that I found it hard to learn.
In the end I wrote lines that came from my mind some even rhymed. 24.2.2014
So far apart.
We may be so far apart but you are so close to my heart.
I love you so much as you love me but I miss you so much it hurts.
Words are just said by feelings.
Words are said by truth and make believe.
Words are said by how life treats us at the time when we say what we are saying.
How words make us feel when words are said.
This explains why there's no perfect or straightforward life.
No life can carry on without ups and downs.
From the time the teacher hit me with the ruler because I forget to miss a line between the date and title in handwriting.
I had to write lines saying mustn't forget to miss a line between the date and title.
The school led me to believe I was thick because they didn't understand that I found it hard to learn.
In the end I wrote lines that came from my mind some even rhymed. 24.2.2014
So far apart.
We may be so far apart but you are so close to my heart.
I love you so much as you love me but I miss you so much it hurts.
Words are just said by feelings.
Words are said by truth and make believe.
Words are said by how life treats us at the time when we say what we are saying.
How words make us feel when words are said.
This explains why there's no perfect or straightforward life.
No life can carry on without ups and downs.
It's so dark here I can't see a thing but I can feel something going on or someone moving about.
I can hear flying and flapping every time I move about so I must keep still.
I must keep calm and not scream and shout.
No way is there a mouse in this house.
As they fly they sense every time I breath.
Watch out as they may come out like a bat out of hell! 24.2.2014
I don't miss you anymore.
I don't miss you anymore at all.
I used to come see you such a lot now I don't want anything to do with you anymore.
I used to think about you all the time but now I don't think about you at all anymore.
I was a victim of your love but not anymore.
I once thought I'd got you out of my head now I write about you a lot to get you out of my head for life now that I have got you out of my life.
It's like writing lines in school when you have been naughty; I must get you out of my head because I feel nothing for you no more!
You are like an evil monster coming out at night the nightmare of my life.
Stop haunting my mind! 24.2.2014
I can hear flying and flapping every time I move about so I must keep still.
I must keep calm and not scream and shout.
No way is there a mouse in this house.
As they fly they sense every time I breath.
Watch out as they may come out like a bat out of hell! 24.2.2014
I don't miss you anymore.
I don't miss you anymore at all.
I used to come see you such a lot now I don't want anything to do with you anymore.
I used to think about you all the time but now I don't think about you at all anymore.
I was a victim of your love but not anymore.
I once thought I'd got you out of my head now I write about you a lot to get you out of my head for life now that I have got you out of my life.
It's like writing lines in school when you have been naughty; I must get you out of my head because I feel nothing for you no more!
You are like an evil monster coming out at night the nightmare of my life.
Stop haunting my mind! 24.2.2014
The writer.
So many words are better off said on paper rather than speaking them.
Yet nothing seems to make sense on paper like it does in the mind.
The pen can't always write fast enough to the mind or the pen and mind may say more than they should.
What and how I write isn't about talent, it's just my way of communicating saying what's on my mind.
Saying what you want to say is all that counts.
All the same words are inside your mind.
I guess I'm just a person who finds it easier to write than speak but it was never like that when I was in school.
In school my mind was blank all the time not it's over loaded with thoughts.
How I say things is anyone's guess. 25.2.2014
Depression.
So many words are better off said on paper rather than speaking them.
Yet nothing seems to make sense on paper like it does in the mind.
The pen can't always write fast enough to the mind or the pen and mind may say more than they should.
What and how I write isn't about talent, it's just my way of communicating saying what's on my mind.
Saying what you want to say is all that counts.
All the same words are inside your mind.
I guess I'm just a person who finds it easier to write than speak but it was never like that when I was in school.
In school my mind was blank all the time not it's over loaded with thoughts.
How I say things is anyone's guess. 25.2.2014
Depression.
A sadness is a feeling with or without a reason.
If we are honest we all suffer from depression our way not know how we are going to feel each and every day, even throughout each and every day in our own way.
When you listen, read, speak or write the word depression seems so black and white.
Like the world the word depression isn't all black and white when one’s emotions can change one feeling to the other.
Most if not all of us get good and bad days.
We feel up and down in our own way.
It's not easy to understand life.
It's not easy to understand the mind to why we think what, how and why we do.
It can be hard to understand each other too.
In the end we make life hard for each and ourselves without meaning to.
No one can say how long or short the bad times are. 25.2.2014
If we are honest we all suffer from depression our way not know how we are going to feel each and every day, even throughout each and every day in our own way.
When you listen, read, speak or write the word depression seems so black and white.
Like the world the word depression isn't all black and white when one’s emotions can change one feeling to the other.
Most if not all of us get good and bad days.
We feel up and down in our own way.
It's not easy to understand life.
It's not easy to understand the mind to why we think what, how and why we do.
It can be hard to understand each other too.
In the end we make life hard for each and ourselves without meaning to.
No one can say how long or short the bad times are. 25.2.2014
Words.
The words I write come from pen to paper then I type.
No thoughts of talent, writing is just another way of saying what you are going to say.
There's no easy to communicate.
There's no easy way to understand.
Each and every of communicating is different.
What's written and read counts.
Writing is just writing your thoughts until you can think no more but then with time thoughts come back again.
You can't think forever.
You can't write forever.
Write away until the ink in the pen runs out, very often when you change your pen thoughts are forgotten or new thoughts come. 25.2.2014
Everyone has words.
The ink is running out in the pen.
Everyone has thoughts and words that come and go through the mind.
You don't need to be special, famous and you don't need to be talented.
Just write what's in your mind and what you want to say, and then it's done!
Don't think about what's going to or not going to when you say it, what happens.
Stand up to those who won't give you a chance in life, to those who won't give you the time of day.
Show them you are you. 25.2.2014
The words I write come from pen to paper then I type.
No thoughts of talent, writing is just another way of saying what you are going to say.
There's no easy to communicate.
There's no easy way to understand.
Each and every of communicating is different.
What's written and read counts.
Writing is just writing your thoughts until you can think no more but then with time thoughts come back again.
You can't think forever.
You can't write forever.
Write away until the ink in the pen runs out, very often when you change your pen thoughts are forgotten or new thoughts come. 25.2.2014
Everyone has words.
The ink is running out in the pen.
Everyone has thoughts and words that come and go through the mind.
You don't need to be special, famous and you don't need to be talented.
Just write what's in your mind and what you want to say, and then it's done!
Don't think about what's going to or not going to when you say it, what happens.
Stand up to those who won't give you a chance in life, to those who won't give you the time of day.
Show them you are you. 25.2.2014
I lost my words but I am making them up again.
I lost my words in my mind because I had to turn my mind elsewhere.
Now I am back to tell over a thousand words more before I stopped writing.
It's not about chasing fame and money it's about the interest in my mind.
What are your thoughts when you read my words that come from my mind?
Everyone has a book in their mind it doesn't mean everyone will write a book though.
Why we have the stress of everyone knowing your business of other parts of your life?
Too much stress when you’re poor to get rich.
The interest what matters.
Whatever happens? 25.2.2014
I lost my words in my mind because I had to turn my mind elsewhere.
Now I am back to tell over a thousand words more before I stopped writing.
It's not about chasing fame and money it's about the interest in my mind.
What are your thoughts when you read my words that come from my mind?
Everyone has a book in their mind it doesn't mean everyone will write a book though.
Why we have the stress of everyone knowing your business of other parts of your life?
Too much stress when you’re poor to get rich.
The interest what matters.
Whatever happens? 25.2.2014
John Keats.
The heartbreak of whatever was going through John Keats's mind for him to have wrote the poetry he though must have been the only way he coped with his life.
When I first picked up his poetry book I hadn't got a clue who John Keats was and what he wrote.
Despite of my interest in writing I have never been much of a reader but then John Keats’s work inspired me a lot.
Thought of poetry never crossed my mind till I read John Keats's work one of his words inspired me to write over a thousand of my own words.
My work isn't poetry or talent, its words and thoughts going through my mind.
I shouldn't have had to be inspired by anyone because John Keats was going through the same thing as me at different time, I just didn't think of writing words until I read John Keats's work. 25.2.2014
I could see it coming.
I saw the black and grey clouds under the sky the other night.
The clouds move up and up one by one through the sky.
I had a feeling the storm was breaking but I went to bed from then on so I never knew whether there was rain or not. 25.2.2014
I should have seen.
I must have gone around with my eyes closed.
If only I knew why I felt the way I did for him.
If only knew why I loved him for so long and so strong.
I don't know why I put myself through such good and bad.
How could I have thought he was the man for me?
I won't be the first I won't be the last to be blind to love. 25.2.2014
The heartbreak of whatever was going through John Keats's mind for him to have wrote the poetry he though must have been the only way he coped with his life.
When I first picked up his poetry book I hadn't got a clue who John Keats was and what he wrote.
Despite of my interest in writing I have never been much of a reader but then John Keats’s work inspired me a lot.
Thought of poetry never crossed my mind till I read John Keats's work one of his words inspired me to write over a thousand of my own words.
My work isn't poetry or talent, its words and thoughts going through my mind.
I shouldn't have had to be inspired by anyone because John Keats was going through the same thing as me at different time, I just didn't think of writing words until I read John Keats's work. 25.2.2014
I could see it coming.
I saw the black and grey clouds under the sky the other night.
The clouds move up and up one by one through the sky.
I had a feeling the storm was breaking but I went to bed from then on so I never knew whether there was rain or not. 25.2.2014
I should have seen.
I must have gone around with my eyes closed.
If only I knew why I felt the way I did for him.
If only knew why I loved him for so long and so strong.
I don't know why I put myself through such good and bad.
How could I have thought he was the man for me?
I won't be the first I won't be the last to be blind to love. 25.2.2014
My reply to Tony Ben's speech.
There are too many people in the British government who do not tell its people the truth.
There are too many people in the government who breaks its peoples' promises.
It does not cost them money to kill us but it costs them a lot to keep us alive.
They are in the wrong job because they are so greedy and tight with money.
They are in the wrong are people who make promises what they don't keep.
Tony Benn was one of the very few mps who told the truth, he wasn't tight and greed and he kept his promises to us people.
Those of the government who makes their peoples' lives unhappy are not happy themselves unless they make their peoples' unhappy who is us.
They truth hurts them because they know they are in the wrong but very few are in the right.
A few in the government do not make their people unhappy. 14.3.2014
There are too many people in the British government who do not tell its people the truth.
There are too many people in the government who breaks its peoples' promises.
It does not cost them money to kill us but it costs them a lot to keep us alive.
They are in the wrong job because they are so greedy and tight with money.
They are in the wrong are people who make promises what they don't keep.
Tony Benn was one of the very few mps who told the truth, he wasn't tight and greed and he kept his promises to us people.
Those of the government who makes their peoples' lives unhappy are not happy themselves unless they make their peoples' unhappy who is us.
They truth hurts them because they know they are in the wrong but very few are in the right.
A few in the government do not make their people unhappy. 14.3.2014
The government.
I don't mean to bore you reader I hate writing about the government as much as you hate reading about them.
There again your voices have the rights to be heard.
As a learning disability, Mental Health awareness trainer and Advocate the government sadly comes into my job.
Those in the wrong can’t face the truth.
They are cowards and they know the mess they have put this country.
They are tight and greedy with money and making cuts all round the country.
They need to know what it's like to be disabled and ill.
They need to know the lives of disabled and ill people are as important other peoples.
There's a feeling of disabled and ill people being blame for the way we are.
No human asks to come into the world let alone be disabled and unwell.
We just need the rights of the help and support we need.
We want to work more than most non disabled people want.
If it's lift to the government they will let us work without support that we need yet if anything serious happens we would be still be blamed by the government, which is always the case.
I am just writing it how it is. 15.3.2014
I don't mean to bore you reader I hate writing about the government as much as you hate reading about them.
There again your voices have the rights to be heard.
As a learning disability, Mental Health awareness trainer and Advocate the government sadly comes into my job.
Those in the wrong can’t face the truth.
They are cowards and they know the mess they have put this country.
They are tight and greedy with money and making cuts all round the country.
They need to know what it's like to be disabled and ill.
They need to know the lives of disabled and ill people are as important other peoples.
There's a feeling of disabled and ill people being blame for the way we are.
No human asks to come into the world let alone be disabled and unwell.
We just need the rights of the help and support we need.
We want to work more than most non disabled people want.
If it's lift to the government they will let us work without support that we need yet if anything serious happens we would be still be blamed by the government, which is always the case.
I am just writing it how it is. 15.3.2014
Appeals.
What bad situation to put vulnerable people in.
With people win their appeals or not they still have to pay back loans if they have used them before their appeal.
This can bring people back to square one without having their benefits cut again.
People worry about whether or not they are going to manage, no wonder so many people suffer from Anxiety and depression.
This stress is far too much for people.
What is this government thinking?
They must all need their heads testing.
To put such vulnerable people who are in big danger of getting into debt and losing their lives mainly when a lot of people don't have any help and support anymore.
What about those people who really can't manage their own money yet they have lost their help and support?
This is a big crisis for all those who have lost their money.
Those who have lost and can't manage their money. 15.3.2014
What bad situation to put vulnerable people in.
With people win their appeals or not they still have to pay back loans if they have used them before their appeal.
This can bring people back to square one without having their benefits cut again.
People worry about whether or not they are going to manage, no wonder so many people suffer from Anxiety and depression.
This stress is far too much for people.
What is this government thinking?
They must all need their heads testing.
To put such vulnerable people who are in big danger of getting into debt and losing their lives mainly when a lot of people don't have any help and support anymore.
What about those people who really can't manage their own money yet they have lost their help and support?
This is a big crisis for all those who have lost their money.
Those who have lost and can't manage their money. 15.3.2014
I have overcome you.
You loved me then you left me.
I only thought you loved me but I was wrong.
You chewed me up and spat me out.
You built my hopes up to make me believe that you will always be mine.
You promised you would never hurt me again.
In time you accepted me to have back in your life again after you left me.
No way I have given in with you too many times, how many chances do you want?
I can't keep on going back to you again and again for the rest of my life.
I can't let you hurt me again
I have no trust in you anymore like I used to do. 27.4.2014
Sometimes life is hard.
It's hard to let the good things go even though there may be a good reason to do so.
It's too easy to fall for the bad if it feels good.
Love is a hard feeling to control until you can't take anymore of the bad.
Yet not many of us get it right.
Life is unknown until you find out yet it's too easy to let feelings take over your life.
Some of us fail all the time and never get it right but others get it right after a long time.
Not many of us get it right first time.
This poem isn't all about love this poem is an example of anything in this life.
It's hard to make the right choice, the right choice and choice that we want could be two different things.
Life is full of the unknown until you find out even then feelings can take over you until you can no more.
It's just taking the chance of what happens in life. 27.4.2014
You loved me then you left me.
I only thought you loved me but I was wrong.
You chewed me up and spat me out.
You built my hopes up to make me believe that you will always be mine.
You promised you would never hurt me again.
In time you accepted me to have back in your life again after you left me.
No way I have given in with you too many times, how many chances do you want?
I can't keep on going back to you again and again for the rest of my life.
I can't let you hurt me again
I have no trust in you anymore like I used to do. 27.4.2014
Sometimes life is hard.
It's hard to let the good things go even though there may be a good reason to do so.
It's too easy to fall for the bad if it feels good.
Love is a hard feeling to control until you can't take anymore of the bad.
Yet not many of us get it right.
Life is unknown until you find out yet it's too easy to let feelings take over your life.
Some of us fail all the time and never get it right but others get it right after a long time.
Not many of us get it right first time.
This poem isn't all about love this poem is an example of anything in this life.
It's hard to make the right choice, the right choice and choice that we want could be two different things.
Life is full of the unknown until you find out even then feelings can take over you until you can no more.
It's just taking the chance of what happens in life. 27.4.2014
Unknown chances to take.
Shall I turn left, right or center?
There's no saying whether I am right or wrong, I will just need to take the chance.
It's hard when something feels right yet it could be wrong.
Life is a chance to take.
Unknown whether you have made the right or wrong choice until you give it a go. 27.4.2014
society is blind.
Society is blind not disabled people.
Society is blind to see what we can but they only see what we can't do.
Society doesn't see the talent we leave behind until we leave this world.
Society wishes they saw our talent but then no because it's their time to get money out of us.
Life shouldn't be all about money, it should mostly be about the talent shown in us but then yes we should some credit meaning praise for what we can do.
Oh yes how wrong I am, yes disabled people do have some kind of life but not the kind of life that most non disabled and healthy people take for granite. 27.4.2014
Shall I turn left, right or center?
There's no saying whether I am right or wrong, I will just need to take the chance.
It's hard when something feels right yet it could be wrong.
Life is a chance to take.
Unknown whether you have made the right or wrong choice until you give it a go. 27.4.2014
society is blind.
Society is blind not disabled people.
Society is blind to see what we can but they only see what we can't do.
Society doesn't see the talent we leave behind until we leave this world.
Society wishes they saw our talent but then no because it's their time to get money out of us.
Life shouldn't be all about money, it should mostly be about the talent shown in us but then yes we should some credit meaning praise for what we can do.
Oh yes how wrong I am, yes disabled people do have some kind of life but not the kind of life that most non disabled and healthy people take for granite. 27.4.2014
Faith in people.
Anything is possible in life, if you have faith in people.
If you have faith in people they find it easy to have faith in them.
This means believing in them.
If you bring people down all the time, they will bring themselves down all the time.
People will think badly of themselves all the time.
There's good and bad in everyone in everything about them.
No one needs to be reminded of the negative side of life when it is facing them without anything being said.
Life is stress enough without being reminded about the negative all the time.
We need to be reminded more of the positive side of life to keep and feel strong in ourselves to cope with the negative. 27.4.2014
Anything is possible in life, if you have faith in people.
If you have faith in people they find it easy to have faith in them.
This means believing in them.
If you bring people down all the time, they will bring themselves down all the time.
People will think badly of themselves all the time.
There's good and bad in everyone in everything about them.
No one needs to be reminded of the negative side of life when it is facing them without anything being said.
Life is stress enough without being reminded about the negative all the time.
We need to be reminded more of the positive side of life to keep and feel strong in ourselves to cope with the negative. 27.4.2014
when you’re disabled.
When you’re disabled it's as if society treats you as if you are no one.
You are looked down on as hard work and costing too much money.
It's as if the whole world is against you but not everyone is.
It seems as if everyone is blaming you for being disabled and ill as well as been born.
It's as if everyone thinks negative of you but not everyone does.
Some people wrap you up in cotton wool but others put you in situations you can't manage.
Most people treat you as if you don't want to do anything but there are many people with nothing wrong with them who don't want to do anything at all.
There's so much misunderstanding in this world. 27.4.2014
When you’re disabled it's as if society treats you as if you are no one.
You are looked down on as hard work and costing too much money.
It's as if the whole world is against you but not everyone is.
It seems as if everyone is blaming you for being disabled and ill as well as been born.
It's as if everyone thinks negative of you but not everyone does.
Some people wrap you up in cotton wool but others put you in situations you can't manage.
Most people treat you as if you don't want to do anything but there are many people with nothing wrong with them who don't want to do anything at all.
There's so much misunderstanding in this world. 27.4.2014
I will still be here.
I know it's hard to explain because I will see you even though you won't see me.
I will still be here but I know it won't be the same for you.
I don't want to leave you I really don't.
If I am taken from this world, it will be no choice of my own.
I may not be moving around but I will be there in your history and memory.
Love you so much and always will.
Never say never because no one knows for sure what will happen.
1st June 2014
I know it's hard to explain because I will see you even though you won't see me.
I will still be here but I know it won't be the same for you.
I don't want to leave you I really don't.
If I am taken from this world, it will be no choice of my own.
I may not be moving around but I will be there in your history and memory.
Love you so much and always will.
Never say never because no one knows for sure what will happen.
1st June 2014
Good and bad in me like everyone.
It's just my way of coping with the stress and worries in my life.
It's so wrong, selfish and bad I know.
I just don't know way of coping, which is selfish we are all in the same boat.
I'm aware there more than likely be no looking back, I'd be so lucky to get a second chance to life.
If I get my life again I mustn't abuse myself to death.
Very often depression is something no one knows who doesn't live with it yet it's hard to explain why feel life is not living.
Well you go through well spells when you feel yourself then you start to feel a sense of shame and guilt of what you are putting others through who know you and love you.
I don't want to leave anyone sad then I'm no one special.
I'm not begging for forgiveness of my guilt and shame.
It doesn't make it right but there's good and bad in everyone.
I accept no credit to praise for my talent, it's not talents it's my words and thoughts that can't please everyone.
No one is liked or and loved from the whole world.
Only true words help me cope with my life through the good and the bad.
I'm not chasing money and fame, which is no game and joke.
My words are there for those of you who want to read them.
I'm no one special because I have a way with words.
Good or bad they are my true feelings and thoughts.
I don't lie about anything that's true but my stories are in stories.
My words are nothing worth spending money on just read them if you want.
It's just my way of coping with the stress and worries in my life.
It's so wrong, selfish and bad I know.
I just don't know way of coping, which is selfish we are all in the same boat.
I'm aware there more than likely be no looking back, I'd be so lucky to get a second chance to life.
If I get my life again I mustn't abuse myself to death.
Very often depression is something no one knows who doesn't live with it yet it's hard to explain why feel life is not living.
Well you go through well spells when you feel yourself then you start to feel a sense of shame and guilt of what you are putting others through who know you and love you.
I don't want to leave anyone sad then I'm no one special.
I'm not begging for forgiveness of my guilt and shame.
It doesn't make it right but there's good and bad in everyone.
I accept no credit to praise for my talent, it's not talents it's my words and thoughts that can't please everyone.
No one is liked or and loved from the whole world.
Only true words help me cope with my life through the good and the bad.
I'm not chasing money and fame, which is no game and joke.
My words are there for those of you who want to read them.
I'm no one special because I have a way with words.
Good or bad they are my true feelings and thoughts.
I don't lie about anything that's true but my stories are in stories.
My words are nothing worth spending money on just read them if you want.
Some of you may agree others may disagree but not all the same in everything I say.
I'm not perfect because no one is but I'm not a completely dull person either.
I'm just human like all of you. 1st June 2014
I'm not perfect because no one is but I'm not a completely dull person either.
I'm just human like all of you. 1st June 2014
Time to fly.
When you hear the wind and the rain think of me flying the air but remember I'm no one special.
Read my words to see how I look at life.
You might not be always being happy with what I say but they are my thoughts and feelings to life.
Everyone is different in how we think and feel about life but others may think the same as each other but not all.
Think of me as a bird or a kite or even both.
I don't except you all to like.
No one can be liked by everyone.
There are different people.
When you hear the wind and the rain think of me flying the air but remember I'm no one special.
Read my words to see how I look at life.
You might not be always being happy with what I say but they are my thoughts and feelings to life.
Everyone is different in how we think and feel about life but others may think the same as each other but not all.
Think of me as a bird or a kite or even both.
I don't except you all to like.
No one can be liked by everyone.
There are different people.
There are different tastes.
There are different styles.
The world would be a boring place if it was all the same. 1st June 2014
Memory for you.
You will hear me blow with the wind when the wind blows the trees from left to right, side to side.
When the wind is blowing really wild the rain, wind and storm.
Think of me as a bird, a kite or both whether it's day, morning or night.
No one will know where I am, between you and I, I will fly to the moonlight.
I may not be gone I may be soon with you.
I may move from the moon to the sea from night to morning.
As you see me, think of me how I look at life.
Don't ever think I don't understand or care how hard it is for you.
I just might be yet to be with you for a long to come.
It never makes sense that we are put on this earth to not to be here again.
From children to old people yet some of us don't become old. 1st June 2014
You will hear me blow with the wind when the wind blows the trees from left to right, side to side.
When the wind is blowing really wild the rain, wind and storm.
Think of me as a bird, a kite or both whether it's day, morning or night.
No one will know where I am, between you and I, I will fly to the moonlight.
I may not be gone I may be soon with you.
I may move from the moon to the sea from night to morning.
As you see me, think of me how I look at life.
Don't ever think I don't understand or care how hard it is for you.
I just might be yet to be with you for a long to come.
It never makes sense that we are put on this earth to not to be here again.
From children to old people yet some of us don't become old. 1st June 2014
Anger with the wind.
May be I was wrong to think you left me for someone else.
May be it was all in my mind but then you were messing with my mind.
Not knowing whether you loved me or not.
You said you loved me again when I stopped loving you but then I loved you for so long.
I don't think you can cope with me not anymore being your victim of love.
Yet if I did still love you, you wouldn't love me, it was like a game hide and seeks or cat and mouse.
You knew had to make me angry like the stormy rain and wind.
You make me sad because I loved you for so long yet I had to stop loving you to walk away from you altogether.
I hate feeling anger towards anyone but you have made me that way to a point as anger has turn hate which is a very strong word.
It's like you have kicked me inside and cut me up like a knife. 1st June 2014
May be I was wrong to think you left me for someone else.
May be it was all in my mind but then you were messing with my mind.
Not knowing whether you loved me or not.
You said you loved me again when I stopped loving you but then I loved you for so long.
I don't think you can cope with me not anymore being your victim of love.
Yet if I did still love you, you wouldn't love me, it was like a game hide and seeks or cat and mouse.
You knew had to make me angry like the stormy rain and wind.
You make me sad because I loved you for so long yet I had to stop loving you to walk away from you altogether.
I hate feeling anger towards anyone but you have made me that way to a point as anger has turn hate which is a very strong word.
It's like you have kicked me inside and cut me up like a knife. 1st June 2014
It must have been all in my head.
The signs made me think you were cheating with having two mobile phones.
You didn't give me the number of what was your new phone at the time telling me it was a business phone, how silly was I to believe it at the time.
I must have been out of my mind.
Hiding under the table in every pub I met you in.
Why did I waste so many of my years of my life with you?
How could have loved you so much?
You let me go; you let me slip out of your fingers not the other way round.
It's now too late; I have no love inside me for you anymore.
You only have yourself to blame, even though cheating on me may be in my head but then you were loving me and dumping me.
I have no proof to say whether your cheating or not but if you were, you wouldn't tell me the truth so how do I know?
You just didn't want to get found out or and caught.
I wish I knew whether or not the truth would come out sooner or later.
How can I say either way when even though I don't want to accuse you for something you may not have done that doesn't mean I want come back to you?
The signs made me think you were cheating with having two mobile phones.
You didn't give me the number of what was your new phone at the time telling me it was a business phone, how silly was I to believe it at the time.
I must have been out of my mind.
Hiding under the table in every pub I met you in.
Why did I waste so many of my years of my life with you?
How could have loved you so much?
You let me go; you let me slip out of your fingers not the other way round.
It's now too late; I have no love inside me for you anymore.
You only have yourself to blame, even though cheating on me may be in my head but then you were loving me and dumping me.
I have no proof to say whether your cheating or not but if you were, you wouldn't tell me the truth so how do I know?
You just didn't want to get found out or and caught.
I wish I knew whether or not the truth would come out sooner or later.
How can I say either way when even though I don't want to accuse you for something you may not have done that doesn't mean I want come back to you?
No way am I letting you mess with my mind again mainly when I don't love anymore because I'd be lying if I said I did.
May be it is in my head but the truth is your not the man I once thought you once was.
That was a show and all false.
not have done that doesn't mean I want come back to you?
No way am I letting you mess with my mind again mainly when I don't love anymore because I'd be lying if I said I did.
May be it is in my head but the truth is your not the man I once thought you once was.
That was a show and all false.
end.
In the end I felt so unloved.
Getting you to understand how much I really loved you was too much hard work.
Now it's far too late because I don't love you anymore. 24.6.2007 - 24, 6.2014
No way am I letting you mess with my mind again mainly when I don't love anymore because I'd be lying if I said I did.
May be it is in my head but the truth is your not the man I once thought you once was.
That was a show and all false.
end.
In the end I felt so unloved.
Getting you to understand how much I really loved you was too much hard work.
Now it's far too late because I don't love you anymore. 24.6.2007 - 24, 6.2014
Can't believe you’re gone.
Here I am still writing this poem about you.
Even though I knew you were unwell, I still can't believe you've gone.
Here I am still writing this poem about you.
Even though I knew you were unwell, I still can't believe you've gone.
Even though I didn't see a lot of you through our adulthood, I can believe I won't ever see you again.
I only wish we saw each as much as adults as we did as kids.
It just shows you learn life is far too short yet when you’re a kid, you think you have got all the time in the world just like we did.
We had always been friends and we always will be even though you have gone.
Molly my longest friend ever since I was very young.
We went to school together when we were so small and so young.
We are the age as each but I can't believe we won't see each other anymore.
I can't believe I knew you for forty years then suddenly you have gone.
To me there's no friend like you, Molly.
The friend who carried my clothes out of school in the hot summer of 1976, when I thoughtlessly took my clothes off at the age of six and a half. 30.6.2014
I only wish we saw each as much as adults as we did as kids.
It just shows you learn life is far too short yet when you’re a kid, you think you have got all the time in the world just like we did.
We had always been friends and we always will be even though you have gone.
Molly my longest friend ever since I was very young.
We went to school together when we were so small and so young.
We are the age as each but I can't believe we won't see each other anymore.
I can't believe I knew you for forty years then suddenly you have gone.
To me there's no friend like you, Molly.
The friend who carried my clothes out of school in the hot summer of 1976, when I thoughtlessly took my clothes off at the age of six and a half. 30.6.2014
thought I knew him.
There was nothing good about him when I think about it now even though at the time I thought he was wonderful.
Now I realize how wrong I was to get with the wrong sort yet it felt so right at the time.
I was waiting and hoping for too much at that time, it did me no good.
When I think about it now I shouldn't have fallen for him at all.
My feelings were far too strong to say no and walk away.
Yet now I feel nothing for him at all.
I thought I understood him but I didn't yet I loved him so much at the time.
I thought he was so good at the time but he wasn't, our love was so blind.
I thought he would be always being mine.
Twice he walked out my life.
Over the years he played games and messed up my mind.
Yet I wrongly thought everything was fine.
I was so madly in love with him at the time.
No one in your life is forever.
No one completely loves you.
I was so young then love was blind.
It was such madness that he never knew whether he loved me or not but I got fed up of that in the end.
In this life there's no warning of the human mind.
There's no warning when love starts.
Unknown is finding out for one's self.
Nothing led me to fall for him other than love.
I only wish I hadn't of loved him so much.
For a long time we were falling apart but I was too blind to see.
There was nothing good about him when I think about it now even though at the time I thought he was wonderful.
Now I realize how wrong I was to get with the wrong sort yet it felt so right at the time.
I was waiting and hoping for too much at that time, it did me no good.
When I think about it now I shouldn't have fallen for him at all.
My feelings were far too strong to say no and walk away.
Yet now I feel nothing for him at all.
I thought I understood him but I didn't yet I loved him so much at the time.
I thought he was so good at the time but he wasn't, our love was so blind.
I thought he would be always being mine.
Twice he walked out my life.
Over the years he played games and messed up my mind.
Yet I wrongly thought everything was fine.
I was so madly in love with him at the time.
No one in your life is forever.
No one completely loves you.
I was so young then love was blind.
It was such madness that he never knew whether he loved me or not but I got fed up of that in the end.
In this life there's no warning of the human mind.
There's no warning when love starts.
Unknown is finding out for one's self.
Nothing led me to fall for him other than love.
I only wish I hadn't of loved him so much.
For a long time we were falling apart but I was too blind to see.
Now after a long time I have learned to build back up that love and trust to love someone else.
My love now like my love before is so unknown, I'm yet to find out even though I love him so much.30.6.2014
My love now like my love before is so unknown, I'm yet to find out even though I love him so much.30.6.2014
I never wanted things to end how they did.
Sorry to hurt you as I did what I had to do not what I wanted to.
You may not believe this but I didn't want it to end this way.
In fact I didn't see this coming myself.
I didn't want us to have an on and off relationship.
I am not saying it would have been an on and off relationship but I’m worried just in case.
I know we have our rough patches and problems that which hasn't been either of our faults.
This hurts so much, to be truly honest I have never had to anything like this with anyone before, why with the man I love so much?
I understand due to my worry and Anxiety if I misunderstood what you said, I’m so sorry even more so if that has happened.
I did what seemed right otherwise it would have been all playing on my mind all the time.
I decided to end the contact with you because I love you too much to just stay friends but then it’s hard me to end the contacts all together so maybe we could email instead to see what the future brings.
All the same I have not deleted any of your contacts, I will never do that even though I said to stop contacting.
I know and even though it doesn't make sense that prove that I didn't want to end the contacts and it proves I don't hate you and never did and never will.
This is really hard because I don't want to mess you about because I know what feels like because I have been there myself before I met you.
I only wish there was a way we could work these things out.
You might not think it but I have hurt myself as well I am even more hurt that I have had to hurt you and we both have to get use to this, which I know very is hard so please don't think I am not hurt too.
Like I said down the phone on Monday I don't hate you at all in fact far the opposite.
Naturally we wanted a future together and to get serious. Nothing I wanted more than to make a big happy difference your life and mine.
I Know I have said many things to you in the past but they are things I wanted as well as you and it took me this long to realized if we hadn't had what we hoped we could have upset about it.
I am very sorry that I am at fault for not working this out in the first place but when you are in love and want to be with being with a person I still with you, it's too easy to hope for too much.
I suppose we could carry on emailing each other and see what happens. If it doesn't turn out to what I'm worrying about then may we go back slowly or contacts we had in the first place.
Like your contacts I have will never be deleted. May be it will help to accept things either at least me anyway meaning friends or relationship.
No disrespect to you.
Don't get me wrong.
I understand things you say on the phone there are things I don't so at least in we are emailing there's fair chance, I will understand everything say and mean.
Hopefully it will help us contact each other the ways we
Used to.
Don't think that I don't know what you're going through because I am going through it too.
I have there before I met you. I am so sorry I had to do this and I know saying or anything that would have would have things.
There can be a big difference between what we want and what the right thing to do is.
I had to do this because we were getting more and closer to you.
Yes I really wanted us to get closer to you but we live too far away from each other.
Like I said in the texts on Sunday night despite of everything going on, I did mean that I am very grateful for the time we had together and the things you bought me I would have never except, I still see myself as the luckiest woman out.
Well I hope to hear from you by email soon whenever you get time and if you want to, I think we should let the relationship come back naturally if it's going. As play writer William Shake peace used to say, to be or not to that is the question. Well what is the answer to the question? My answer is, If it's to be it will be if it's not to be it won' be.
Without realizing and without meaning I guess hoped too much too quickly.
Let's have slow contact like email to start with and see how that goes and if it goes OK then may be texting then phoning then may be back online like we used to but that's up to you as well as me. 2.8.2014
Answers to your possible questions.
You must be wondering why I walked away from you when I love you so much.
Naturally I didn't want to walk away from you.
You must think I am reacting as if nothing has happened.
You may think I have no care in the world.
I don't expect you to believe me but I'm as hurt as you.
I really didn't want to upset you and I'll upset myself too.
I never planned this to happen and I didn't see it coming to us.
There was nothing more than I want us to last.
Many other things I wouldn't have stepped in the way but my Anxiety got the better of me not over you but our situations with other parts of our lives.
I couldn't live with not knowing what the future holds, even though no one knows.
Without letting anyone control our lives, people do have the right point of saying that it's hard for us to have a relationship when we live so far away from each other.
Despite of us living so far away I wouldn't have thought my feelings would be too strong for friendship, which is why I said to end the contacts.
As much as there's no rush to get together, with us being so busy in our lives could delay for us to get our relationship together.
Yes I should have realized it in the first place but I loved you too much and always will.
Sorry I am to blame but then I shouldn't be to blame for loving you, there's no answer to that is there?
I'm so sorry I should have seen it coming.
Even though we weren't excepting to live together, I
should have know it's hard but then my feelings towards you wouldn't let me accept that, no I have to fight it before it's too late.
Despite of my feelings being too strong for me to be your friend, I will still have email contact with you and let the future happen naturally however it's going to happen. 3.8.2014
My love for you is far too strong to be your friend.
It seems so strange and dramatic to why my feelings should be so strong towards you despite you live so far away from me.
You wouldn't have thought my feelings would have grown so much but they have.
This is why I decided to end the contacts between us, which are what didn't want to do as well as not wanting to end the relationship; I guess you and I will understand what I mean.
This why both of us have to live what's happened even though that's not what we don't want to do.
Despite of what I have been through my life, this is the hardest thing in the world I have had to do, even more so as I hadn't want to.
This is the first time in my life I have had to do something like this and really truly hurts but then the truth does hurt.
I have never felt so much shame and guilt in all my life, even though it may be the right thing to do.
At times life can be unkind because situations may not be right but no way is anything wrong with you and that's the complete truth.
Saying that I will try everything I can to keep my email contact with you because no is to blame for what's happened to us other than life been so unkind to us.
I need to fight to see what happens naturally because no one is at fault and I have no reason to hate you but then I feel a lot more than like, which makes it very hard to let go altogether, which I don't want to do.
I know this isn't fair but there's no easy way of saying this to you.
If only we lived closer in the first place then maybe we wouldn't have faced the problems we do.
Yes I know there are more reasons to this break up than just living so far away but neither these reasons our fault just the way life treats us but no one knows what the future holds. 3.8.2014
Why I had enough.
Why I had enough of you are because of your mind games.
Sorry to say I couldn't live with you changing your mind with what you want and don't want all the time.
Don't tell me you were confused when you know yourself that was an excuse!
The more I loved you the more your minds games hurt me; thank goodness I stopped loving you in the end.
I don't know how I loved you as long as I did.
Now that I have walked away, you can't cope with me not feeling in love with you because you have no one to hurt anymore, it's far too late to say your sorry. 3.8.2014
I'm so sorry.
I'm so sorry I completely misunderstood you.
I'm so sorry that I was wrong to think what I thought was going on.
I don't except things to stay the same between us after I over reacted so much.
I hope we can carry on emailing each other to see what the future brings but I'm not forcing you to do anything you don't want.
I'm sorry I thought what I thought.
I just thought I'd never see or hear off you again.
Yet I could be so wrong yet so right.
I never thought we'd have the chance to see and contact each other again.
Yet I may have lost everything through worrying too much.
I can understand if you walk away from me for over reacting but as you know I'm just an email away.
I love you all the same whatever you decide.4.8.2014
Time to move on from what's happened.
Let's not look at what's happened as a break up!
Let's look at it as a complete misunderstanding my part!
Let's not chase the future to come but try learning the right things from the wrong things from the past.
Let's see what happens naturally in the future!
Let's not wash our hands on one another!
All what's happened is water under the bridge, it's what's going happen matters now, and don’t you agree with me? 5.8.2014
Changes in times.
I stared off my life without mobile phones, I pod, and I pad and kindle.
I started my life with frustration, snakes and ladders.
Doesn't the forty plus years seem like big changes?
Where do these forty plus years go?
My Mother washing my nappies by hand to having a washing machine.
Doesn't it make you wonder what life is about? 7.8.2014
You thought you hurt me.
It seemed at the time that I was a victim of your love for the rest of my life.
You may be have thought you had tore me apart, that's just what I thought at the time butt we were both wrong.
At the time it all seemed like the end of the world but in the end it wasn't as bad as I thought.
In the end you lost and you didn't achieve what you wanted at all therefore I win.
You may have thought you had the last laugh but you didn't I did instead.
You weren't planning to do me any favours but you did.
In the end you made me a stronger minded person, which you didn't want to achieve at all.
You wanted to knock me out dead as you thought you'd knock me out as you pushed me down, little did you hoped that I'd come back up.7.8..2014
I forgot the poems I wrote.
I lost the poems I wrote somewhere.
Therefore I forgot the poems I wrote and where.
What a quiet year this time of year when people are on summer holidays yet not many of us have the money to go.
It's space to write my poems but not knowing what to write. 7.8.2014
Only because.
Only because I love you, it's all quiet on the Western front.
I'm so sorry I misunderstood you, which almost broke us apart.
Now my computer is here but still quite a few things to set up.
Now the summer holidays are there's now very little work.
I'm still waiting for my exam results yet they posted them on the 29th July 2014. 7.8.2014
Nothing has changed between us.
Come and see me when you can and want whether we are friends or lovers.
Despite the misunderstanding on my part, I've grown so fond of you.
Neither of us want spoil a thing between us but all the same, my love for you is more than friends.
All the same what we have between us means such a lot to me.
Sometimes we have to be cure to be kind, slow things down in hopes of us doing the right thing.
Make sure neither of us and both of us down get hurt again.
To get everything right this time. 7.8.2014
Forever unknown.
How the world started was unknown.
Different people have different beliefs but the truth is no one knows and never will.
Unanswered questions will go on in our minds forever.
Therefore there's not a lot to be said.
Therefore there's not a lot to be read.
Not a lot going through the mind to be written down.
Yet plenty of thoughts to be written down when busy were doing other things. 7.8.2014
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