Poems I wrote in 2007 at 37.

In these poems you will see how in 2007, I was a bit more stronger than I was in 1997. Some poems I admit were were written other years as well.


When I feel close to you. 

I feel close to you when I lye close to you. 

You make me feel safe when you make me feel happy. 

It would be lovely if you would stay a bit longer. 

It would be lovely to stay a little longer early lye in together. 

It's great when I open my eyes and you are right beside me. 

I have learned to love you too long and too much I can't let go, even though you hurt me so. 2007 


To the one I love. 

You are the one I love so much. 

You brighten up my day. 

You make me feel happy but then you make me feel sad. 

You guide me through that dark tunnel that I can't see. 

We have been together so long that we share an everyday memory together. 

Today I love more than yesterday, that's even more than before. 2007 


How do I know if you love me or not if you don't tell me and show me?

You know I find it hard to stop loving you.

Can you disbelieve that I love you?

If that's the case, why am I still in your life? (Your the love of my life.)

You are now say that I don't show love towards you but you never show love towards me these days.
Why should I make the first move?

Why should I try with someone who does not love me anymore or who does not know what he wants?

You will have no problem showing your love towards me because you know I love you.

If you show me love I will show you love.

If you don't show me love, then I know my answer.

How long to do you except me to be mad enough to want you?
It's only because I love that I am just around you.

I just want you to let me know whether you want me to stay or go. 2007. 

Words.Words that go through your mind.

Words could mean anything at all.

When I am a long words go through my head.

Some words can't wait to be said so they have to be written.

Sometimes words don't want to be said.

Some words can be frightened to be said. Mid 20th century to 21st century.

I am finding it hard to come to terms that you have gone to heaven.I wish you peace in heaven because you did not have any peace on earth.

You were and always be a very special Grandmother to me.

It has not been the same since you have gone but life goes on.

I know you would not want us to live in sadness but in happiness.

My future is my career, love and friendship to be.

It does not mean think that the family does not think about but we understand now you want peace from the pain you had. 25.8.2007

To my lovely Nan.It was such a delight to have you around in my life.

The first memory I can remember of been with you, was when you took me to the caravan in Wales.

Uncle David only drove as far as the Victoria hotel in Wolverhampton, I asked.
" Are we nearly there?"

I am so sorry that I was such hard work for you.

Thank you for looking after me.

Even now I feel as if you are still looking after me.

I will treasure you and the memories I had with you with love.

You have always been and always will be a very special Nan.

Why do I have to let you know how I feel when it's too late?

You never know who and what you have lost until you have lost them or it.

You are my special Nan because you were there from when I was born.

It was hard to believe that one day you would have to say good bye, now that you have I miss you everyday.
You were more than special, you were bright.

It's hard to believe that this is the first Christmas and your first birthday that I won't be seeing you. 25.8.2007

I hope your pain has gone.I hope your pain has gone now Nan.

I hope heaven is more peaceful for you than earth was.

All your friends and family have very special thoughts for you.


We all miss you here on earth.

Life is not the same without you Nan.

Nothing more has made me feel sad other than knowing that I miss you not being here.

I will never forget you but it's time to move on because I know I will never see you here like I used to.
As much as I miss you, I hope your pain has gone. 25.8.2007

People say I look young.

People say I look young, if I do Nan it's all down to you.

A majority of people say I look like you.

If I do look like you, I am the happiest woman in the world Nan.

You have always been the best Nan in the world and always will.25.8.2007

No one kinder than Nan.There is no one kinder than you, Nan.

I am so lucky to have such a lovely Nan.

Now that you are at peace, there are no words to explain how much I miss you.

Thank you for giving me the most happiest times of all. 25.8.2007.

Everything will be a crime.The way the world is going now, everything do and say will be a crime.

Even picking ones' nose will be a crime, it may be a bad thing but it should not be a crime.

Once a upon a time, yes we had rules but we also had a three country.

Now it's just non - stop rules in the country.

Now there does not seem to be any freedom in the country.

The government cuts like a knife.

This sick government is killing us all.

No wonder people like Jim Hendrix's killed himself.

Life was bad enough then but worse now. 1997 to 2009

Why don't you come down to mine often?You don't come down to mine in the pouring rain.

Come down when the sun starts to shine!

Why not make a night in my private home?

You can sleep and dream until the morning light. 2001 to 2007.

I can't help the way that I feel.I am so sorry but I can't help the way that I feel about you.

I am sorry that I don't how you feel, I wish you could make up your mind what you want in life.

I am sorry I don't show my love for you but you don't show your love to me.

I am sorry about getting upset so easy, you hurt me so I hurt you.

Most of all of I am ashamed to be in love with you.

May be it would be better to finish after, it sounds as if that's what you want. 2007

Where are you going Nan?I hope you are going to a peaceful place Nan.

You may even see the Fairlie's.

I remember Uncle Chris telling me that great Gran had gone to live with Jesus when I was little, I really believed that Jesus' house was on earth.

I remember wondering why no one would take me to see great gran.

As the years had gone by, I learned that she had gone for life.

Now life is too short to waist but it will be too long to be without you. 2007

Life.Life can be full of beauty and love.

We must live for the stars above.

Flowers, romance and love.

The night can be dark but the day can be, that is the ups and downs of love.

Here comes the morning light when things are going good.

Here is the dark nights when things go bad.

We see beauty of flowers by the sunlight.

The love of a bright red rose that becomes far too close.

To forget lost love forever more is not always easy to do.

The law of love and beauty.

Now I won't love again as I can't love you. 1997.

Up to date poem.Mobile phones

Text messages

Missed calls

Computers

Download

Save to disc

and so the list goes on.

This is what you call 21st century English.

This is the way it must be, goodness knows in future centuries what we won't see. 2007.


May be we are strange.May be we are strange people living in a strange country, full stop.

We can't help the way we are or can we?

We have very strange weather, rain and shine in five minutes time.

We are the weather that can't make up it's mind.

Now you can't make up your mind.

May be I am as bad, what are we like?

STRANGE!

That does me to say that I am confused only because you are but you are confusing me. 2007

Lucy.Lucy had her kittens under the kitchen table.

What a black and white fluffy family.

They all had lovely fur. 2007.

Baz.I remember Rough Colly Baz.

He was a wild running lad.

I used to run along the garden with him so fast.2007

Letty.I use to have a black cat named Letty but she had white under her chin.

Her eyes were dark green.

I don't seem to have a memory of her attacking me, she must have been a very calm pus for a young child to play with.

I feel so guilty, I must have pulled her tail not understanding that I might have hurt her. 2007

I hate it when the clocks stop.I hate it when the clocks have to stop but they can't go on forever.

I never know how long it is waiting for the bus.

I never whether I have missed the bus.

May be I have not got there right on time.

What if I have an appointment, will I be late for that?

Well thank goodness for batteries but not the clocks going forward and back.

I will worry about the right time when it come. 2007

Hot Summer.
I do not mind the hot sunny days but not when it gets too hot.

If the weather is too hot it does not agree with me.

It's not easy to fall a sleep in the hot weather but it can be too easy to fall a sleep in the sun.

Don't forget the sun cream!

Let's protect ourselves from getting burn but let's go lovely and brown!

Let's cool down with drinking water and on our bodies!

I hate the insects that bit us in the day and night, they fly round in doors by the food.

It's causes such nasty germs.

It's nice to eat outside in the summer but not when the insects are around.
2007


Spring is here never fear.Today spring is not spring like summer is not summer.

We have four seasons in one day Britain.

It's been a good many years since we used to get the straight seasons we used to get.

The good thing about the spring that the birds sings and lay their eggs.

The lambs are born to jump around.

Everyone seems happy on warm spring days, which is very rare today.

I love frogs that jump around in the rain. 2007

The four seasons.Spring

Summer

Autumn

And

Winter.

One

Whole

Year
Of

Days

And

Nights.2007

We should show love for one another.It's not very often we show love for one another.

When love happens it really happens.

These days our love is so rare, I wonder if anything is anymore there.

If you don't love me anymore, please just say!

There's plenty fish in the sea I am sure.

If you still love me then let me know and show me more otherwise I will be out the door.

I'm a woman, I am frightened of making a fool of myself in case you don't have the same feelings as I do.

If you have stopped loving me, then I should be ashamed of feeling the way I do towards you.
I have no control of how I feel towards you.

I'm just so sorry that I can't do the right thing.

I find it hard to let go of you after all those years been on and off with you. 2007

The text message.Why am I hoping that everything is alright between us when it's not?

Why am I bothering with you?

Why don't you like me, saying I love you in a text message?

Why do you act strange are you up to something?

Why are you sending and getting texts every five minutes?

Why do I feel this way about you?

Why can't I just walk out on you what you are putting me through?

Do you want me to feel this way about you?

All I know is that I am so foolish still being in love with you.

I don't know why I love you but I do.

Don't you love me anymore?

Just tell me if you don't love me anymore!

Don't mess me around in and out of a text message!

It most likely cost too much to say you love me in a text but you send enough texts out and get many back in a short amount of time.

Oh I am sorry I have said the wrong thing yet again.

There's no pleasing in you, is there?

You know I love you so much, them you play on it.

I have a good mine to send this poem to you in a text but I don't want to encourage us to fall out again.

Sometimes you can be such hard work but as mad as it sounds I still love you. September 2007 - May 2009

What will be will be.Don't ask or hope for anything.

Just stay put.

Don't think about what to do or what not to do.

What happens happens.
Come on you have known him long enough.

Don't be surprised or shocked about anything or anybody.

Why don't you get out before it's too late?

Long love is too much of a drug.

Why stay where you are if you are not loved and wanted?

It's not easy to be strong enough when you have been there too long.

Come on you must be strong. September 2007 - May 2009

We parted over a misunderstanding.You must have known how I felt that cold Saturday September evening, when my family dug my Nans ashes to the ground.

Thank you very much for your support, you dumped me and I thought you loved me but I was wrong.

You must have known I was not thinking straight when I said what I said.

You must have know I did not mean what I said.

I know you will never forgive me for what I said.

You must have known that I did not mean to hurt you when I was upset myself.

You must have known very well that I still love you.

In your eyes there's no going back on what I said it's too late for everything.

What not look forward rather than going back, start a fresh.

Why do you have to be so sad?

Like I said to you I must accept what you want, it should not come as any shock or surprise to me. September 2007 - May 2009


May be we can take it slow.
I weep so much when I don't see you, I feel so low what you put me.

I am upset over my regret, I should not have said what I said otherwise we would have been still together.

It's no good me building my hope about anything or anyone.

If you are willing to take it slow who knows what the future brings?

Don't hang me on a piece of string!

I feel so much anger inside as if someone has put a knife through me, I wish you would not do this to me! September 2007 - May 2009

The memory of love.The memory of love gives me happiest and joy.

The loneliness of your love gives me sadness and sorrow.

When you kissed me it was such a joy.

Your passion was like a sudden dream that seemed never ending.

Now your not with me anymore, I must have had a nightmare.1997


When I look out of my window.I see the sky going from dull to bright.

I see the sky so dark it turns into a storm.

What strange weather we Brits have.

I don't know if I am right or wrong but I am still living in this old fashioned world.

I still need to get used to the new world. 2007

Am I just in your life for company?

You know that I love you.

Do you love me?

Why don't you show me that you love me if you do?

Why are you over me when your drunk?

Do you still love someone from your past or do you love someone new?

Have I lost it all I had in my twenties?

May be I am becoming boring as I am getting towards forty.

I must have lost it in myself.

May be I don't attract you anymore. 2007 to 2009


It all changes.The figure has now gone.

Lines are now under my eyes.

I am not as fit as I used to be.

I don't feel good, I feel like a wreck.

Only positive thing is my education and work.

I am trying everything I can to make a difference to the lives of people with disabilities.

Don't you know how much I love you?

I know you broke my heart but I forgive you.

It may seem as love is not the same as it used to be 2007 - 2009

Love has been blind all my life.You may have been heard of but you won't be found.

You had the chance to carry on loving me.

It's now far too late if you want to love me again.

I have took my freedom to love someone better than you.

Now that I have flown my wings I hope this love will be right for me but plenty more fish in the sea if not.

You can huff and puff as much as you like but you won't blow my house down.

I missed you when you had gone but not anymore, I have moved on. 1996 to 1997.

Never forget you.I am like many many other fans who will never forget you.

We will never forget the way you entertained us when you were singing on the stage.

You made us happy whether we were watching or if we were right by the stage.

There may well be over a million people who turned to see you.

There all came to see Queen but you Freddie Mercury were the main one, you still are in our eyes today.

I would have loved to have seen you but I was just a child growing up. 2007.

It's hard to want to carry on.We have both worked hard to get this relationship together after twelve years.

It's getting too much going on and off like a light.

I know there is not anything perfect in this world but we should not be feeling this unhappy.

I can't live with it anymore. 2005 - 2007

I know it's all over.There's no such thing as the last kiss.
You did not seem to care whether I went or not.
You did not seem to care whether you never saw me again or not.
If only I did not care or loved you either.
You never let me know whether you were happy or sad to see me again.
Are you human, are you real or have I been having a strange dream all these years?
I just don't know why I am bothering coming back as there is nothing there for me.

I did not want to go or stay.
You don't love me so why am I here?
It does not feel that way.
Why am I hanging around where I am not wanted?

You are just a hard habit to break.
The worse thing is that you are unsure how you feel.
That does not help my feelings at all.
You have not done yourself any favors.
You have lied to yourself and to me.
Why do you have to leave to me to find out what's going through your mind?
How can I help I am not a mind reader?

Without yourself knowing it, you have hurt the one you love yet again.
Oh I forgot you don't know whether you love me or not.
It's hard to say what you want because you either won't tell me or you give me difference answers.
It does not make it very easy for me to know whether I should stay or go.
My mind tells me that leaving you is the right thing to do but my heart is saying no.

If you feel the same as I do, please send me a letter, text or a call.
Please ask people we know in pubs if they have seen me.
Don't know why I bothered saying that, I have had enough of been messed round.
I am leaving you one day when I feel strong enough to.
Don't rush into thinking about it too hard Ant it may take forever.

There are plenty more fish in the sea, I just hope the next one knows what he wants in life.
I will get away from this confused man one day, I hope will find someone someday who knows his own mind.
Ant if you don't know what you want after nearly fourteen years, you never will.
Who knows I may never bother with men again but I know I will. Jan08 - Feb 09

First serious love.It feels as if no one will ever replace you but I don't want someone to replace you.
I want someone who loves me for me, which is more than I can say for you.
I want someone who knows what he wants in life.
You have known me fifteen yrs on and off but you don't know whether you love me or not.
It sounds as if you don't know what love is, I thought I may be have shown you that by now.
Yet you have had girlfriends before me, what a strange man you are.

You should know how I feel about you by now.
Even after all these years, you do not really understand how much you really mean to me.
You never now tell me whether you feel the same way towards me or not.
Did you ever love me?
You either loved me as much as you could or not at all.
I think I have wasted fifteen yrs loving a man who never loved me.
Your feelings turn on and off like a light.
I don't know why I still feel the same as I did when I first met you.
Come on Ant, that was a long time ago, if you don't know I am serious about you now, you never will.

I am so sorry that I can't stop loving you but I also understand how you feel too but then you don't know how you feel or what you want.
I wish I could help but I can't someone who does not know what they want themselves.

I wish you did not change your feelings every five minutes, now stop playing with my feelings!
You know very well how I feel about you so you mess me around more.
The way things are I know one day I won't feel the same as I do today.
I will get away from you to make sure that I don't feel the same as I do today anymore.
It's no good changing how you feel then because it could be too late for you.
The more I love you and see you, the more you hurt me.
May be I am wrong but it feels as if you don't have the same feelings as me anymore.
I only wish I did not feel for you this way. 14.2.09

I must be mad.Fifteen years now I have loved you for, despite the pain we have been through together.
In time we have become just friends and lovers on and off.
In that time I have written pages and pages of poetry about you, I have even written about you in my diaries.
No matter what happens I will always love you.
No matter what happens despite the way you feel about me, even though it's not the answer I want to hear. 14.2.2009

Valentines day without love.You feel alone in the world when you see couples walking down the street and holding hands.
You feel alone the world when you see people with presents and cards.
Why am I bothered?
Valentines day is waste of time and money mostly when the one you love does not love you anymore.
I write him a poetry, a waste of pen and ink but I still write them.

Sara just get on with life but it's even worse when valentine's day just hits you in the face. 14.2.2009

New start.It's hard to change completely but I must change most things.
Somethings can change but others can't.
Somethings we to change, others we don't.
There are other things we have no choice about, you may have to change or don't change or can't change at all.
Somethings are easy to change others are not.
It would be a boring life if we were all the same.
There are so many things I should change but I won't can't let go, like I need to let go of Anthony. Jan 08 - Feb 09

I have been such a fool.Whatever kind person you are I have loved you for fifteen years.
I still feel the same to this day but I very soon hope that those feelings will go away.
I can accept friendship but the more I see you the more I love you, you hurt me more because I know you don't feel the same way.
Sometimes you pretend to love me to keep me happy then you tell me you don't to make me sad.

May be you do know what you want but you play me around to hurt me.
As for you, you don't know how you feel towards me so how am I to know?
This is two possible guesses, if only I was a mind reader.
We have been through so many ups and downs together over the years but somehow I am still here for you even though we are just friends.

I have wasted so much time crying, days thinking about you and losing sleep over you.
The headaches and heartaches are just too much, I can't say I know when but I think I will go one day, I have had enough.

I don't know why I hang around anymore, it feels as if you don't feel the same way anymore.
May be you did not feel the way I thought you did.
I must be a complete fool, I am so in love with you it hurts.
I have tried so hard to love others but it did not work.
Many people have thought I had been a fool to put up with you all these years, may be they are right.

I don't know what else to do if I am not wanted in your life anymore.
May be one day I will be strong enough walk away from you like you walked away from me. Jan 08 - Feb 09

IT'S NOT EASY.

It's not easy for a woman to tell a man how she really feels for him, when she really loves him, mainly when they have been lovers then friends for too many years.
I have known you far too long that it’s feels as my heart belong to you, even though we are just friends.
I have tried so hard to move on, change my life and love someone else but my feelings for you are far too strong.
It would seem so unfair to try and love someone else now, when I am so in love with you.
I am still trying hard to live a life of my own in hopes one day I will finely comes terms with how you feel instead of just me.( Like Speed Dating for eg. )
I don't find it easy to walk away from you and not come back; you know I have tried that before.
I'm totally and utterly crazy about you.
I love you so much don't you ever forget it!
I don't have to say anything else do I?
I have tried so hard to stop loving you but I am so sorry I haven't succeeded in changing my feelings for you.
I'm sorry I don't know how to let my love go for you. 2009

The weather.

Everyday the weather changes from better to worse and worse to better.
When you wear a rain coat and umbrella the sun will shine.
When you wear shorts and t shirts the rain will come down with shame.
If the weather stayed the same, it would be a boring game.
All the same you can never win the weather game.
If it rains all the time you could never cut the grass.
If the sun shined all the time there would not be any water, the garden would never grow.
What's the point complaining because we always complain about the weather?
It's either too hot or too cold, it's never just right, there's nothing in between in Britain, it's never just right. 1997 -2007

On a winter's morning.

A winter's morning can look like night not morning.
The cold can put people off going to school, work, college and etc but life goes on.
Early winter's cold mornings always make it hard for most people to get out of bed.
Later on in the morning the sky goes dull gray then turns to black late afternoon.
What nasty winters' mornings we can get. 1997 - 2007

Winter weather.It's far too cold to be without you.
If I have to manage I will but I could do with you here to keep me warm.
I hate the long nights without you being here to hold me tight.
In the year 2000 I got fed up of the very cold floods of rain.
Now it's summer 2007 the floods are back again but the warm but wet weather.
In many counties there were lots of floods, the ground is still dry.
When the summer comes, no matter how much rain the ground is still muddy and wet. July 2007

We are disabled, we are happy.

If you are in a wheel chair, you want to be able to walk.
If can walk you want to be a faster learner.
If you are middle aged or old you want to be young.
When you feel sad you want someone or and thing in the world to make you feel happy.
If you are happy you want to make yourself happier.
Like us all I can be happy sometimes but other times I am sad I need something or someone to cheer me up. 1997 -2007

January.In January the cold wind is sharp you feel as if your neck has been cut in half.
The cold air causes so many sore noses and plenty of nasty colds.
I miss the coal fires to keep us warm. 1997 -2007

What do you want from me?

One minute you want me and the next minute you don't.
Make up your mind, love is not a mind game!
You will go ages without touching me then you suddenly do.
I know who I want but If you don't want me, I'd be a foal to wait forever.
Think about it, there's no going back once it's too late, who says I says I am going to be soft forever, I don't know?
If I did not love you so much it would not bother me.
The fact you know I love you, you know you can play on my mind.
You are confused so you are confusing me at the same time.
You will my life worse for yourself in the end!
Why do you only touch me these days when you have had a drink?
The day after drinking I know you don't feel the same.
Please stick to one answer and please tell me what that answer is!
Why am I waiting for you, I'm wasting my time like a soft fool when I could be doing better?
There must be someone out there who loves me better than you, I must be a fool to myself I really must be. 2009

Trying to control feelings.

It's so hard to close door once you have loved someone for so long.
Why did I let it go too far?
Why did I hold onto you so tight, now I find it so hard to let go?
Why do I still love you after what you put me through?
Take my advice people, try not to full in love too deep, you can't get out once you get in.
If you let it like I did, love can be a habit and a drug as Bryan Ferry sang in one of his songs.
Well I should say don't fall in love too easy!
If only I knew what makes me feel strongly in love with you.
Why do I still feel this strongly in love with you?
I only wish I knew.
If only I knew 15 yrs ago what I know now.
Don't give too many chances because it gets harder as time goes on!
We must have hurt one another a thousand times but you have seemed to have stopped loving me but why haven't I stopped loving you?
If only I listened to people.
What am I on about? I still haven't learned.
I've been so soft and I am still soft today, I wonder if I will change at 40 which is not far away, scary ah?
Never let love take over your life, I wish I never did.
Please people don't make the same mistake as me!
I will need friendship to get to know someone before I love again.
After knowing the same guy for fifteen yrs, getting to know someone new will take some getting used to that's if that ever happens again.
Is my life over if it does not happen before 40? No my life has not ended.
Does life begin at the 40?
The answer, I will tell you when I get to 40 which is only in roughly 6 to 8 mouths time.
Positive thinking it's never too late for anything.
My life won't be over but it might begin.
My relationship may have ended but I think my career only began 2 yrs ago.
Never say never, it may be a long time happening but I believe it will happen.
My career took long enough.
Make the most of life because it's too short living but forever dead. 2009 

Just get on with it!

How I get through everyday, I don't know.
There must walk around as if nothing has happened.
No one knows what one another are thinking.
I don't shut myself away from the world because life is for living that's what your born for.
I just get on with life, I have never known anything else.
More than 30 years on since the first one, they have still got away with it just because me been just a child and having learning disabilities.
No good talking about it whatever I say nothing gets done.
The present is here yesterday has gone let's live for today.
Tomorrow is unknown.
Time to move on.
The pain has gone on far too long to hurt me any more.
I was far too young to tell anyone.
Far too young to know what was going on.
Too young to understand.
Too young to be understood.
Even now over 40, my words just can't speak. 20.11.2011

Face truth.

Friendship is best or nothing at all.
If we love again we'll hurt one all over again.
I don't know about you but I am too old to take any more.
We must face the truth, we can't fall out if we aren't lovers.
Remember you broke my heart, I had to go along with what you wanted.
Now it's my turn to walk away but I am never coming back only as a friend.
If you can't take that you'll never see me again.

If only I knew that one day my pain would come back on you, what you caused me.
At the time I felt as if I had no future and my whole world was broken.
I never thought my life would be better without you. How wrong was I to think I could never live without you, I felt so alone?

Now it's far too late for you, I am not going to let you hurt me any more.
I am not spending the rest of my life wondering whether or not your in or out of my life.

In fact I don't think you loved me at all, I believe you still don't, you only love me because you know I don't love you any more.
If I still loved you wouldn't have loved me.
I know we have both been there before.
I had to leave for that mouth because the stress was getting far too much.
Before long I stopped loving bad news for you and good news for me.
I never thought I would have ever stopped loving because I loved you for so long. 

One day you will meet someone who you will love ten times more than you loved me.
She won't be able stand for what I stood for.
If you walk all over her she'd be out your life like a flash for good then you will really will know what pain is.

To think I was scared of losing you for good after you hurt me so bad.
Now I realize that I am better off without you or we are better off been just been friends.

I understand that this year has been taught for you with everything happening all at once but sadly everyone goes through death at some time, you aren't alone.
Moving on is hard I know, you need to make a life for yourself or end up a lonely old man.

You soon moved on when you left me and went out with someone else, didn't you?
I was the one who found it hard to move on but not any more.
I am having a happier life without you if not better. 21.11.2011


Believe your there somewhere.

I believe whoever you are, you are out there somewhere.
You may not be there yet.
I have had too many bad thoughts in my head to think any more bad thoughts.
Never chase never hope just life day by day.
To dream is to hope too much and end up disappointed. 
Let luck and love find us.
Just get on with life! 20.11.2011

What happened?

You were so sweet when I first met you, I thought butter wouldn't melt in your month.
Nothing and no one could take me away from you.
Then you weren't the man I thought you was.
You broke my heart when you left me for someone else.
My feelings carried on the same nothing stopped me from feeling love for you.
13 and a half years on and off I stuck out until I had enough.
Sorry I couldn't take more pain that you were giving me. 21.11.2011

I can do no more.

The truth hurts you so it should.
I can do no more.
You had your chance of my romance, which didn't took.
You said that there will be no one else in your life, it was never like that when I did love you so why be any different now?
I don't believe that anyone else will let you hurt them like I let you hurt me.
I must be the softest door mat of all but not any more.
Why did I take so much?
Because I loved you so.
Now I can't imagine how and why I loved you so.
All I ever wanted was someone who would love for what and who I am not what they can get out of me.
All you have from me now is friendship or nothing at all, your choice.
I have a happy life now that I'd be a mad fool to walk away from.
No way would I be as sad as you, walking away from happiness you could do without.
You will never spoil my happiness. 21.11.2011

I believe someone loves me, somehow, somewhere.

Someone loves me somehow, somewhere, even if it's not who I think it is.
In that case I don't know but I believe he's out there somewhere.
Despite been knocked over and picking myself up all the time I never give up with love, I believe your out there somewhere.
No matter what pain puts me through I don't give up on love.
I have stopped chasing hopes and dreams.
I am a fighter, I will go through whatever life throw at me.
We are put on this earth to enjoy life even though life is what you make it.
Not to waist time starling into space.
Life would be boring if it was all the same so life is full of happiness and pain in all areas.
Time is to use not to waste.
There's no right or wrong, go for what makes you happy and move on from what makes you sad.
Not all happiness works out. 21.11.2011

We are are never too old.

We are never too old, we are forever young.
Life is for living and drinking.
Take what comes never stop.
New will come along if nothing is right for you.
May be one day something or someone will be right for you.
Believe in yourself, then you can believe in others.
Enjoy life rather than waste life.
Life isn't happy all the time otherwise we'd be all spoiled and get away with what we want.
Never doubt yourself because something or someone has let you down.
There are plenty of people who won't let you down so you don't need the people who do.
Enjoy drink and fun.
Face the tomorrow day to look forward to tomorrow night.
If you ever get old, you can look back on a happy life, no matter how much it costs you.
There's always a way of balancing career with your fun. 21.11.2011

Don't think because I'm alone.
Only because I'm alone doesn't mean I'm free to love anyone for a long time.
As far your mind works, I'm not a free woman because you don't know I'm single.
I want to move forward not back in my life.
I don't need you to mess my head around anymore.
Now I'm staying away from you.
Don't think because I'm alone that I'm coming back into your life because I'm not.
I will make sure that you won't know wheather I'm single or not.
I'm keeping away from you so you don't get your chance to love me to hurt me again.
Love, you don't even know what the word love means.
May be I am lonely but it's better than being with you to hurt me all over again like you have so many times before.
How many chances do you want?
If you think I am wasting the rest of my life on you, then the news is bad for you.
I'm not giving you a anymore chances for you to love me to hurt me again.
I find it hard to forgive and forget what you did to me.
Why should I forgive you at all?
I used to find it hard to stop loving now I find it hard to love again.
Why would I try to love you again after what you put me through?
Now I just have no trust in you yet once I believed in you so much.
I should never have gone back to you, I should have known better than giving you another chance.
I may well now be single, which could be for a long time but not forever, I believe I will met someone better than you one day.
The longer I am single the more he will be worth the wait as well as the date.
I don't want to love you for you to hurt me again.
You confused my mind and messed with my head with your silly mind games not knowing whether you wanted me or not.
I want someone who knows what and who he wants.
Now you have lost your chance to love me again.
You knew I used to love you so much that you played with head.
After losing you it took a long time to get my life back together again.
Little did I realise that I was better off without you, how blind was I?
Everyday I used to hope that you'd change but you just got worse.
Just because I'm alone it doesn't mean you can touch me because I feel nothing for you.
Nothing at all.
You may laugh now because I'm alone, it may be a long time but I'm more than willing to get back on my feet again so I won't be alone forever.
You don't break me anymore.
I have got my life back together before, I  will do it again.
I feel nothing for you anymore.
You never loved me and cared for me as much as I did for you.
You didn't love me as much as I thought you did.
You didn't love me at all.
 I can't believe I loved a man for 13 and a half years on and off who didn't love me.
Our relationship was based on you lying about your feelings towards me.
I was too blind to disbelieve you.

Time to move on.
It's time for me to stop turning up on your door step. 5.11.2012 -
 18.11.2012

Percy Bysshe Shelly.
Shelly who loved the water yet he married Mary Shelly who wrote Frankinsine.
It's hard to think about Frankinsine comming out of water.
How strange to know that Shelly ended his life drowning in water yet his body was burned under ground with his ashes all over him.
May be Shelly's body may have gone to sea with his wife Mary if she didn't lay next to Frankinsine. 9.12.2012

Hiding pain with a smile.
Sometimes the world can know too much about you.
Sometimes we should be free to have our secerts and cope alone with whatever goes wrong.
Drinking may not be the answer but tears are too locked in the eyes to cry.
Keeping ones' self busy is keeping ones' self going.
Now it's too easy to fear the future.
Not wanting to be alone but not having to deal with disappointed ended love.
It's hard to know what you do and don't want let alone what's going to happen.
Try not to think about it, just get on with it with a smile.
May be it's easy to smile but hard to stop thinking about you.
No matter how I try I find my feelings for you are hard to go. 9.12.2012

Time is passing by.
When I look at the world everyone is in love but not everyone.
Now I realise I'm like a tricking clock tricking so fast years are racing by yet I try not to wait for things to happen because they take too long.
It's easy to understand why every middle age person feels alone.
It's too easy to think this is the end of you when it's not.
It's too easy to feel alone when the world is full of young love.
Your never too old, you just forget that you were young in love once but never thought about the older ones alone.
The future is hard to see but your life isn't over yet, it just taken longer to mend when broken like it used to. 9.12.2012

When everyone knows.
When everyone knows nothing and no one is your own.
They think you only care about yourself, which is not true.
This can make you so misunderstood.
When everyone knows everything of yours nothing and no one is your own, it's there for everyone and everything.
We should all have rights to have something or someone our own. 9. 12.2012

A brave face.

Stept into the world to show them your there.
Show them no fear even though you may have fear.
You are more than a stranger to them what they think.
You may worry more than you should.
The world may seem worser than what it is.
Once you have taken one stept you can take another one.
Nothing lost noithing gained.
Many things happen for the right reasons even they seem wrong. 9.12.2012

It's hard but I will get by.
Not that you don't feel to same about me as you used to.
I feel more lonely than I did before.
Don't worry, don't feel bad.
Who am I, I know I am no one special at all?
Of course you are going to love again one day so will I.
He's out there somewhere but I don't know where.
I guess I won't met him for a long time to come.
I believe he'll be just as nice as you but it's not fare to say better.
May be I live in fear of been alone but in fear of losing disappointed love again.
I guess I just except too much without meaning to.
May be I should except to be loved or live in fear of love.
This could be why every relationship has failed.
I should stop feeling sorry for myself, I know I'm not alone.
May be loneliness isn't my problem, may be it's the thought of getting old.
Then old age isn't a problem I hope I get wiser.
No rush to love again, I will take my time and won't be easy to get next time round.
Why should I go back to a bad boy after losing a good boy, may be I will get a better boy next time. 9.12.2012

Too scared to talk.
Too scared of saying the wrong thing even though one may mean it.
It may not be nice but it may be the truth.
One can be scared of the truth in a good way as well as a bad but then the truth isn't always what we want heard then we do, it's no good living in a lie.
Not wanting to hurt the feelings of others.
Not wanting to fall out with others because they can't agree with you and you can't agree with them.
Everyone has rights to their own views.
Not everyone gets along : not everyone doesn't get along.
Right or wrong you can't make feelings go away until feelings want to.
We all make mistakes : not all are mistakes.
It's what we say and do what matters, thinking is just thoughts not words. 9. 12. 2012


Understanding people.
The only people who understand we is we.
Freedom is important we without knowing it we control one another.
We are looked at as strange from strangers as if we have masks to cover as faces.
We are looked at as if we are wrong all the while.
We are looked as if we are not human.
We looked at if we are nuts and out of our minds all the time.
There's a fear if we are watched all the time.
As if what we do and say is wrong all the time.
A fear of been bitten, shouted at and hit because others don't see life like we do. 9.12.2012

Hard to trust.
To be able to trust is to know that there's faith that no one will judge you for what you do and say.
To be able to look at the world with ones' head up high without fear of strange looks.
It should be easy to believe on ones' self and others. 9.12.2012

Loving too much.
If you love someone let them be them-self.
Don't try to make them love you because you love them.
One day your feelings will match with someone.
Be careful because many pretend to love you when they don't.
Don't pretend to love someone when you don't because then that's lieing in love.
Be yourself, others will respect you.
The secert is to not let them know you love them, let them work it out for themselves, even better unless you know for sure they love you.
They will hate you if you force their feelings to be the same as yours.
They willl play with your feelings if they don't match theirs.
Be brave enough to take the pain there are plenty more that love you.
The best love takes a long time to find out about.
Don't rush feelings to go away.
Feeling will go away when they are going to. 9.12.12

Failed love.

You may have given me pain but I gave you all the love I could.
The pain you gave me made me a stronger person in the end.
Never judge what you don't know.
You may have known me a long time but you don't know everything about me.
See what you see of me when the door is open but when it's closed the only person who knows me is me. 9.12.12

When I was awake I was asleep.
The voices I heard were shouting at me to wake me up as I was in my own world.
I think I was been asked questions that I didn't know the answers to.
The teachers wrote so much jargon on the board in school.
It seemed as if I never paid a great attention with the world around me.
This is why I learned nothing in school nothing at all.
They moved my table and chair to the end of the class.
Let kids laugh at me and bullying was hell outside on the playground.
They made me feel so thick and small that they all called me thicko.
For all the tablets I took, if I were still taking them my adulthood would have been distorted as well as my childhood.
Now kids and teachers I'm not the person I was, I've learned more since I left school.
In school I learned nothing at at all. 9.12.12
Why did you?
Why did you play with my mind?
Why did you make me cry?
You knew I told you I loved you that's why.
Now things have turned the other way round.
The only difference is that I mean what I say.
I don't feel the same towards you like I used to.
Your loss you never loved me when I did love you.
You only pretend to love me to keep me happy.
I can't believe I lived 13 and a half years with a lie.
Why should I care how you feel anymore because you never cared about my feelings when I had feelings for you. 9.12.12


Feelings.
I meant everything I said to you.
I only wish I said nothing at all.
I wish I kept my thoughts to myself even though nothing has been said ever since.
Sorry I said it at the wrong time.
I must move on to think that you don't feel the same as I do.
I know I got up set before hand but I have a lot on my mind.
I bet you wonder why I feel this way all of a sudden.
I have shocked myself to think it's sudden for me to feel this way about someone at this point. 12.12.12 - 23.12.12

Out of all poems.
I bet you'd be shocked to read what I have to say to you in this poem.
I bet you wonder why I have written this poem all of a sudden.
Out of all poems I have written this has not been an easy poem to write.
I have had to write a few poems to get to my point to accept the things I want and can't have in life.
Saying how I feel isn't easy otherwise I wouldn't have written this poem.
I have written this poem because I don't want to show you up in font of people in the pub. 12.12.12 - 23.12.12


It may not be as bad as I think.

Sorry there's no easy way for me to tell you.
I never thought I'd feel this way about someone so quickly.
I feel so silly because I don't know you very well.
I can't bring myself to tell you because you may not speak to me again if I do.

In a way I want to tell you but in another way I don't.

I don't want to make life hard for you but I would be lieing to myself and you if I said I don't feel this way.
I may be worrying about nothing.
I don't want to risk losing your friendship
I've tried so hard to block you out my mind but it's no good.
 I hope I don't find myself telling you one day.
I must learn to accept friendship again.
I don't want to spoil things in case you have someone special in your life.
Despite of the way I feel about you, I must cope with it because I have so much respect for you. 12.12.12 - 23.12.12

Finding it hard to trust you.

I shouldn't have trusted you from the start.
I'm so glad I didn't marry you.
Even now I'm not sure whether or not you were cheating on me.
Even now it's hard to say whether or not you were unfaithful.
What makes me think this is that you were texting a lot in-front of me and getting texts back.
You made me feel very stressed and very uncomfortable that's why I won't have you back.
I kept on thinking this was a bad dream.
I may be wrong in what I did thought but the texts you sent and the texts you had back went on far too long because I loved you so much. 13.12.12

Just because I haven't cried.

Just because I haven't cried it's going to be a wet Christmas without you.
Eating less affects my emotions.
The nasty things the others have put through the pain made me cry more.
The pain from you hurts more because there was no pain but it hurts more than things now won't be the same again.
To me your so special I try to tell myself next time I will do even better.
May the best of love for me has gone.
I can't believe that there may well never be another you.
May be I shouldn't have written this poem, If I hadn't I still would have been your love. 23.12.12


Scared of getting old and alone.

May be I shouldn't be scared of being old and alone.
May be I should be strong enough to take the not to love again.
May be the pain from others have made me stronger.
I must be weak to be scared to be old old and alone.
Yet I'm ashamed to be weak. 23.12.12

I'm a lot more down than I show.

Although tear don't cry the pain is deep down inside.
No emotions cried out.
A smile might be on my face but the pain and feelings are deep down inside.
Losing weight has now been my way of showing my emotions even I need to lose weight.
Eating less seems to be the way instead of crying.
If only I spend the time with you when you offered me to.
Even though our feelings are still there for one another it wouldn't be right knowing that things won't be the same again.
Whatever I would have done I would have felt so ashamed.
It was a no win situation.
I didn't know what to do for the best. 23.12.12

No going back.

No going  back where we were.
Our love was always a secret so is our break up.
I wonder who will be in my life next if anyone.
I wonder who will take on your world next.
Getting along with others without saying a word to the world.
How long will she take on your world for?
For me the situation wasn't a problem.
It was harder for me to know your feelings knowing I saw so little of you.
Yet longer time apart more to look forward to when we were together.
It was wrong to break when we had something going so special between us.
May be you you think I'm better off with someone who can spend more time with me.
Yet why would I put up with someone all the while when I have done it before? 23.12.12


Not the same.

Feelings far too strong but empty.
Thinking about you non stop.
Trying to keep my mind busy to accept the fact what I want back I can't have back.
Not the same without your love.
Can't eat as much as normal. 24.12.12

Hard to believe.

Hard to believe that your not mine anymore.
Hard to believe that I'm not yours anymore.
Yet our love is still there for one another.
Words I said I made myself misunderstood.
I just wanted to know if you still felt the same way about me as I do about you.
Why did you end our love knowing that we still love one another?
How much time together and apart didn't matter to me I loved you all the same as I still do.
May be it's you that can't cope with your own situation.24.12.12

If only I could stop myself from having feelings.

If only my heart would stop beating for you.
The more my heart beats the more it breaks for you.
I have to tell myself that we aren't together anymore.
Every time I full in love it always fails.
Love is a feeling hard to control.
Feelings are something that you can't rush to go away.
Feelings take their own time to go away or stay with you for life.
At this point is unknown how long my feelings will last for you. 24.12.12

Some things are better not said.

It's unknown when he will come along.
He will never know about you.
Now our love has gone there's nothing to tell.
Yet in thoughts our love is still there.
Thinking is different to speaking.
I will never cheat but I will never forget the love we had.
Our secret still stands as I said some things are better off not being said.
As wicked as the secret is it's kept a secret for safety reason.
A private reason to protect ourselves and people. 24.12.12
Mail and communication. 

Times are changing all the while.
It's hard to know whether communication is getting better or not.
From telegrammes to letters from letters to texts from texts to emails not forgetting faxes.
Whatever next to come.
Keep the clock ticking.
Keep the phones landlines and moblies without a sound.
Turn the volum of peoples' when voices down when walking down the street.
When you heard strangers shout it seems like they are talking to you.
Keep the texts coming in without a sound but keep the emails coming free.
Bring back the call boxes but no heavy snow.
Bring back walking miles to the call boxes so that it cuts down the traffic on the roads.
Traffic costs too much to run is to why the country's money is running out. 24.12.12 

On heat hanging on the ceiling.

I sat under the light hanging on the ceiling.
The lamp shaid was shaking.
The heat was rising.
I was hanging.
The room span round and round as if I had a good many drinks.
I saw stars on the ceiling spinning around with me.
I had a very bad hair day after I washed my hair.
It went from wet and curly to dry to fizzy as my hair felt the heat.
I tried everything I could to make it dry and curly but it was no good.
This was just me chasing dreams of freedom.  28.12.12

Bunny rabbit.

I'm a bunny rabbit.
I have stickies out teeth.
I live in a hutch.
I eat carrots.
I can see in the dark.
I get so bored inside my hutch that I run wild when I am out of it. 28.12.12


Treatment.

Living on medication isn't fun.
Feeling dizzy and in another world.
You can miss what's going on around you.
It's hard to keep up with the rest of the world around you.
Many medications don't treat you like they should you.
Some medications that right you right bright something else on.
If life is like this then what are we here, what is life all about? 28.12.12

Freedom of speech.

You are born alone.
You die alone.
The world is nice to you when you are born.
You have a lot to learn.
You have a lot of good and bad to face.
Not all rights are your own.
Self is belief.
To what you think isn't always what others think.
To what you say isn't what others agree with.
No one likes the same.
You don't always have the freedom of speech. 28.12.12

How humans can change.

Childhood is unknown to you but known to the rest of the world.
Everything is so new.
Welcome to the adult world.
There's so much to learn.
You know even less when you spend years in school not learning at all.
Society has told you you'd never get anywhere in life.
You believe others around because you are a child.
You are misunderstood so you feel very bad inside.
Your past haunts you so bad that you have to find your own way to express yourself to be understood.
Only then then society realizes there's something about you after all, that is talent.
No matter who we are all good at something just most of us take longer to get there. 28.12.12

Unknown world.

Everyone is around you is speaking but your not hearing a thing.
No sound to be heard but people are making movements around you.
Not everyone understands everything about you.
You don't understand everything about them. 28.12.12
Poetry, Anxiety and depression.

It's poetry that helps me accept life as it is.
As long as I keep my mind busy.
As long as I live my life busy.
Like us all as long as I have something to look forward to I can cope with life.
I am down if I have nothing at all.
I can't fight Anxiety and depression without poetry.
I can't cope in life with nothing.
I get sad and angry if I sit all the time bored.
Helping others helps me along.
Poetry helps me let out my thoughts. 29.12.12

Without poetry.

Without poetry life would be more painful than what it is.
Without poetry I would look and feel silly for being down for no reason.
Poetry makes life as less as bad as what it is.
Poetry makes me see life different to what I'd be without poetry.
Without poetry I would never feel good about myself, I would be angerly about myself.
When see the good in yourself you see the good in others.
Life is what you make it in one way but not in another.
Each and everyone of us I believe have something inside us.
We just cope with good and bad in life in different ways.
Most of us think thoughts too much, this where poetry comes in.
I'm a person who has a lot of thoughts which have for many years put into poetry.
Without poetry I would have held too much back. 29.12.12
When I feel anger.

When I feel anger I don't want to live.
When I feel anger I feel stress and tense.
There are too many thoughts going through my head to a point I want to write poetry.
I need to stop myself from getting angry and depression mainly when it's for no reason but sometimes there are reasons.
I need to stop myself from doing and say things I regret. 29.12.12

The Mind.

This is unknown to think what we are going to think.
Unknown to why we think what we think when we think.
Most thoughts seem odd to others yet unknown why to the person who thinks those those thoughts.
Yet many thoughts seem odd to the person whose thought them in time to come.
Thoughts can be unknown like feelings can be unknown.
Some thoughts and feelings may last for life others may only last for a certein amount of time which either be short or long.
The thoughts we think can't please everyone.
What a boring world it would be if we were right and good all the time.
Not everyone is bad all the time even though a lot of us think we are. 29.12.12

Learning.

Learning is a good thing about life.
Without knowing it we learn something new everyday.
Some of us learn quicker than others.
Some of us learn slower than others.
As life is ending we haven't learned enough but better going through life learning nothing at all. 29.12.12



Too much to cope with in life.

The head spins round and round.
Everyone makes out no one knows nothing at all about anything at all.
Too many people say different things to one thing.
There can't be millions of answers to one question can there?
Too many things happen at once or nothing at all.
They want you in too many places at once.
Too many people talk to you at once.
At times life is just too much at once. 29.12.12

I am what I am as well as who I am.

I am what I am as well as who I am.
What I was born to be is what I was to be as well as who I was born to be.
Who I was born to be is me.
I learned to be strong minded with not a great deal of choice in life due to my abilities.
Yet the change in me I don't think anyone or myself would be.
The person as a child and the person as an adult are two different mes.
It was hard for me to believe in me because others found it hard to see the good in me.
Now I have learned a lot in adulthood even though there's a limit of what I can do. 29.12.12

I think now the end has come.

It's too easy to think your life is over when being over 40.
A lot of break ups of marrages and relationships have late 30s to early 40s.
You stand and look in mirror to see what has changed in you not only the person you are in looks.
Too easy to think love has gone forever when your middle aged.
You tend to think this is the end but it's not in everyone.
That doesn't mean I am right because the truth is unknown to everyone.
It's hard to think of yourself growing old alone. 29.12.12

I try not to think about it.

I try not to think about being lonely.
I try not think about who walks into my life next if anyone at all.
Men have come and gone out of my life, I guess they will carry as they always have done.
Thinking more of moving on.
Thinking more of getting strong.
Thinking more of accepting as it is and however it's going to be.
Time is so unknown anything could happen at time at all. 29.12.12