Mental health awareness in poetry

 I know digging the past is really a wrong thing to do but something it connects with what you are doing. In this case, I am updating the past to create the future. Sorry to go on about mental health but in this strange time at the moment with the lockdown, I do have a lot of concerns that a lot of people may be suffering in slents. 

I have already said on this website that when I was in my late twenties I had an emotional breakdown, twenty - three years ago over a mental abuse relationship, only I never realize I what was going through at the time and I had no idea I could get help for it. Someone suggested counseling but I thought of the time I was beyond help. As time went I went to see a counselor at the college I was studying at. It was amazing I got through studies regardless of what I was going through then as time went on I was inspired by poetry in the college library and wrote my own. I came across John Keat's work, it seemed his work he was facing similar situations too but naturally, we were in different generals to one another.

I have slightly changed the wording in my poems but mostly pretty much on the minds was at the time more so than today. 

Keeping strong is hard.

Any advice right or wrong is hard to take when your mind is in such a state.

Your mind just will not shut up talking to you about the things are both you.

It is hard to focus on other things.

Every day and night is hard to get through because you just cannot think of anything else other than what is bothering you.

Never say suicide is selfish but no one is wanting to end their lives, they just want to end their pain or and what is bothering them.

Never say if someone says they feel like ending their life, no you do not or else you would have done by now.

They do not know themselves, it’s just how they feel.

If you have concerns that they might, contact someone who or somewhere who and where is trained to help.

You did not want to know.

I tried to see it your way, but you did not see it mine.

You had no intentions of wanting me unless I was getting with my life or and if I was seeing someone else.

It took me long enough to realize we were getting nowhere, years later I trained myself to get out of your life even though I still loved you until I loved you no more. 

My life without you.

My life without you is now great but it took me years realize that you were  a long-term habit to break but thankfully you were not there forever.

 

Why was I hoping?

Why was I bothering?

Why was I wasting my time?

In the end, I walked away.

Now you are long forgotten.

I feel this way no more.

Now I realize that I only dreamt I loved you, I must have been out of my mind.

No idea why I loved to start with, now I love someone else ten times more than I loved you.

Whatever happens, will be. 

Do not ask me for anything.

Just stay put.

Do not think about what you do and do not want.

I have known you long enough.

Do not be or shocked whatever happens.

I needed to get out of his life before it was too late.

It was time to break the long – term habit.

I was wasting my time staying where I was not wanted.

It is not easy, but I knew you have been there before.

 I knew I must be strong. 

 

 

 Love poem.

 

To love little to love strong.

To love strong to love long.

For love too hot to burn is for love to end.

Burn my poems and letters about you on top of me in my grave.

You knew I was writing about you, so you knew how I felt about so ungrateful of you to be angry with me for writing about you.

Sorry I wrote I couldn’t find any other way to accept that you did not love me no more but thinking about it, you never loved me at all.

To not to love beauty, beauty turns to the waist.

If I love in youth forever love should live and goes on, not.

Love is the loveliest feeling for you and me that was.

To touch was to love you.

When the weather is cold, love will keep warm.

Love is for you and me, never you to leave me nor me to leave you. 

Your sweet red lips are like a wild red rose.

Teardrops ran down my eyes to my clothes.

When I walked outside the moon shined.

Tears running down my face as I wept all the time.  

I tried to be brave enough to hold back tears.

Time to hide those feelings because everyone thought I was mad feeling the way I felt about you.

Who can blame them if only I never did feel about you this way?

Now the past is past.

Old fool me for having build my hopes of not been left for another but I am not the first and I will not be the last.

Think do not talk.

I was not saying you were wrong but in the mind, I was in at the time it was easy said than done to take your advice, now I realize a lot of you were right.

At the time I felt like hanging myself to the wall.

I was struggling to move on.

Like everywhere I was lovers were hand in hand.

It felt almost as if they were laughing at me.

There I thought say no more.

I felt I could not win whether I said anything or not.

He himself said I would someone better than him, at the time I thought no way.

Now I bet he wishes he never said what he said because now I am well over him.

Therefore, as time went on, I said nothing at all.

I admit at the time the truth hurt but the feelings were too strong.

Past is past but now I am well over him out of my life.

Putting on a brave face.

I stood aside not saying anything, keeping my thoughts to myself.

No one knew what was going on inside my head.

No one could hear the voices in my head other than me.

I felt like banging my head against a brick wall.

When I think about it now, it just seems like a nightmare that I had.

Everyday it seemed everyone thought I was mad and never thought it was going to end.

It seemed as if everything I did and said was wrong.

I so never thought I would get used to being without you.

Every 

the time I saw you know you did not feel the same way for me anymore was hard to accept but now you sure history.

I never thought I would feel for anyone else as I do now.

Now your loss that you lost out on my love.

At the time I was putting a brave face on by making out I had got over him at the time, but I hadn’t.