Autism poems

 

Autism is speaking.

What is everyone thinking?

Are we that scarily?

We do not mean to be, but we can be characters of imagination.

It is hard to know if we are more worried about us than what we think of you.

 Guessing the unknown is the hardest but interesting part.

If we are not real, which we are but no harm in guessing what and who we could be in our character but that would not be the real us.

Expressing how we feel is not easy for us, which is why we communicate in facial expressions, we know is hard to know what we are thinking but surely you can tell by our expressions whether we are happy or sad.

It is hard to know we are thinking but the truth we are worried about what you are thinking, which is why may not say anything if we do not know you.  

 

 

I am real.

I am real and I am here.

Can you see me?

I am not a figure of your imagination.

Do I look strange?

Sorry, I do not mean to appear as I seem.

I am Autistic.

When I know someone, and something is new I just find it hard to know how to react to anything unexcepted to me.

  

  

Sorry if I stare.

Sorry if I seem to stare as I do not realize I am.

I ask myself every day what you all are thinking mainly if we see others for the first time and we do not one another.

Guess it can be strange even if we do know one another.

I wonder if you think as me as if I am some type of fleek?

I do not mean to be, tell me what you are thinking?

It is so easy to be misunderstood someone I am not, well someone who I do not me to be because I am really me. 

I am not someone you dreamt.

Maybe I am concerned too much what people are thinking, I can only guess not read minds.

Sometimes I guess I am right, sometimes I guess I am wrong, sometimes I guess I will never know.

Unless someone says.

Everyone’s reaction is likely to be different because we are all human, which makes us interesting not boring otherwise we would all the same.

That is fine but by some, I guess I will be misunderstood, I am not likely to please everyone. 

Art board

 

2020 poems

 I hear the wind.

I hear the wind howling.

I see the trees blowing side to side.

Rain is pouring crackling thundering and lightening everywhere as water is spraying out the grey sky to floods.

I hear the sound of the air from the sea air rushing the waves away as the tide goes in and out and trees blow about.

The sound of the wind as owls howl and shout through the night.

The stars and the moon in the grey-black sky as they change from black to white as the night goes into day and the clouds break into the rain.

As the morning light rises, light rain hits the waves of the sea.

 

I miss the sea.

 

I used to love the sea as a child.

I could have swum for miles if my Dad would have let me.

I miss the fresh breeze underneath my feet.

I loved running along wild on the beach, the feel of my bouncing ball.

Making sandcastles in the sand with the sun as the tide is going in and out.

 

Misunderstood.

Never say I cannot read and write; I just cannot express what is going through my mind.

This is not talent; it is words that come out the wrong way round.

Never say I am nothing and no one, I am not completely hopeless, but I am not brainly either.

I just cannot spell or make sense for most of you to understand me.

I am dyslexic and dyspraxia.

 

I found you the love of my life without looking but I have not found my poem I am looking for.

 

I guess I should not look for the poem I want in my mind otherwise I will never find it, it may come if I do not look for it.

I know I have only met you on Facebook and video chat.

Neither of us were looking for one another.

I made you admin, then you became my friend and inexpertly become my lover.

Now you have become my pleaser I treasurer, the pain I feel when you are in pain.

My coffee pot in the morning to start the day, who I see on video chat.

The hover who helps me say what is on my mind to blow the cobwebs away, but I love you for you.

I have not really found the words to express so this is no poem, just words I try to express.

Safety gudielines to our disability group

 As you know this is a Facebook group, not a business or company therefore unless I provide these guidelines there is no safeguarding which is why I am writing these guidelines so you can do anything on the group and know there is going to be myself and my team to do things about it if you do face problems.

Just to let you know that I am updating, editing adding more things on and giving disability, all problems and mental health support a slight change of name and closing 2 of my other disability groups, which us one big group everything mean all topics, people with disabilities and all problems and those who are in their lives supporting them one way or the other. 

We will update and give disability, all problems and mental health support a slight change of name at least up 5 days before we close our 2 other disability groups, we hope to get those closed before the 2nd September 2020 at the lastest. 

We don't want people to not feel afraid of enjoying the group but we want everyone to feel safe too. We want to make it friendly as possible but we know we can't please everyone. 

We understand with disabilities and all problems find it hard to make it friends and the coronavirus lockdown is making it hard for people but we are saying that is everyone's case.

 Everyone is different some may want to try and make friends etc others may not. The involves all topics of life as well as socializing. Therefore we advise you to write a message to the group if you want to socialize, add a selfie keep it clean and safe, say a little about yourself nothing personal.

 We can't promise and we are responsible whether or not others answer you or not, everyone has a choice. Be patient with people don't give up members come and go, some members leave, some come back some don't.

 If needs are asked on the group information, websites, etc and that applies to any topic as well as socializing.

 As I have said before be mindful as not everyone on the group has disabilities etc some are involved in the lives of disabilities etc, like someone's parent, carer, family member, friend, partner, social worker, support worker, professional, which is another reason for writing a message and waiting for a response.

 Do not contact anyone unless you know them unless they answer and give you permission if they say no or don't answer, do not pm or and friend request them.

 Please feel free to report it if you have proof of someone contacting you if don't know them and they contact you without asking you if you don't want this. The proof hopefully helps us do our job right so we are blocking and remove people in the wrong, not in the right. Sorry if this is over the top, as in the past we have had social groups of members reporting members they don't know pming or and friend requesting them without asking or they still have done so when they have told them not to. 

However, Admins get busy and have other lives like we all have. Therefore is not force but if those of you who are involved in lives of disabilities etc, can help those with disabilities, etc who may ask for it, but that is your choice, if they want or and need to pm or and friends request they will have to ask your permission and you a say and choice to say yes or no and they need to accept that. However, if not and this is a private matter then they will have to write a message on the group to Admins.

 For safety and the fact that each Admin on the team including myself, has different skills, one Admin will ask the other, if no one can or doesn't want to for their own reasons, I am creator so I have a responsibility to deal with the situation. However' just to say I am not skilled at everyone so I may turn to someone on my team for advice. Regular Admins are me, Harry, Jen, Alistair works a lot because he's a paramedic and carer but he does what he can when he is free.

Just to say we are a very small team but despite that, we are not looking for any more Admins on the team. In past have had Admins let us down, they either left or got rid of them. Despite a small team, the last Admins we got rid of was before Xmas, we have had no problems since.

To us, your privacy matters. 

In the past, I have been an Advocacy worker and I am very loyal to privacy and I like my Admins to resect your privacy. I have been running groups on the FB for nearly ten years, I have faced problems with members and admins in different ways but I have had anyone who has breached someone's privacy. If we pm any of our members everything is private unless you give us permission to say anything to anybody and we will only tell those who you tell us to if you do. However' if we are concerned about safety it will be said to our team if needs be but it won't go anywhere else unless you say it can.

As you know the FB has made groups private so do not tell people off our group unless whoever is say whatever gives you permission to do so and only tell who they tell you to tell if they do.  If you have reason and proof to believe anyone on our groups has gone against your word in whichever way feel free to report it to us. The proof is so people in the wrong are getting blocked and removed not those in the right. The fact that the group is private means those who are not on the group can see what is written those are on them can, therefore, you have a responsibility to not say things that you don't want people to know, although everyone including us as well even have a responsibility to not tell others unless you say we can and only who we can and we expect the same respect too. Don't get me wrong I have a great Admin team but I know no one is perfect either.

 I will admin the guys I have on the team now I get on great with but that doesn't mean excuse my language that I think the sun shines out of anyone's backside. Like I said I have made my mistakes in the past and I have had Admins let me down but I have had no problems as I said since before the last Xmas. The same with problems with members Admins too, which is unlikely but never say never, if you face problems with anyone on the groups please provide a proof so we are not getting rid of people who haven't done anything wrong, that is whether they are member or Admin. I have no reason to believe the admins on my team now will let me down but before I decide to take action, We need you to provide proof to know we are doing out the job right by blocking and removing people in the wrong not in the right, that's the same with members too. 

Famous people with disabilities, special needs, all problems

 This handout is the aim of positives in disabilities, special needs, and all problems. On the whole, most of society sees the negative of us because of our problems. This can make us feel alone, dependant on society, cost too much money, need more, help, looking, hard work for society, etc. Just to say it was not our idea for us to turn out we have. We did not intend our own problems in intentions to make life hard for you, it was not chosen to make life hard for you or ourselves. One question you cannot answer, what would you be thinking and say if you were in our shoes?  We are not saying this is not the case but we have our strengths also.

In my experience, I have achieved my positives and faced my negatives like everyone. 

In school, I was only good at drawing, painting, coloring, and swimming. I thought I was going to be nothing and no one. I was even told by some teachers in my early years, that I was not going to get anywhere in life, which trues at the time as I left school qualification or no knowledge to my name. I caught up with my education in college. Ended up being a learning disability and mental health awareness trainer, Advocate, Mentor, I like poetry, writing, drawing, coloring, and painting. 

Throughout my adulthood, I have become aware of lots of famous people with disabilities, special needs, and other problems such as Tom Cruise, Robin Williams. Daniel Radcliff, Elton John, Mayall, Adam Ant, Whoopi Goldberg, Steven Spielberg, Justin Timberlake, and more.https://www.topcounselingschools.org/rankings-30-celebrities-you-didnt-know-have-learning-disabilities/

Difficulties you maybe facing through the lockdown

 I understand this may not be the case in everyone's case but most of us may be struggling through the lockdown.  Sorry it has taken me so long through the Lockdown to this page but I am thinking of changing disability, all problems and mental support group to For all disabilities & all problems and awareness every day, which is an all one disability group for people facing all disabilities and problems and their parents, families, carers, friends, partners, social workers, support, workers, professional, etc. 

We know not everyone knows everyone and our safety the group the best we can for all reasons. That doesn't necessarily mean people have to get involved with one another less they want to and we safety guard around that too. However' lockdown or it may not be everyone facing it but for those who face loneness, mental health issues, etc life can be tough on our well being but we don't want to get involved with wrong people, etc. 

You don't need to communicate with others on the group off the group or on unless you want. It is our rules for members to have one another's choice and respect one another's choices if someone's choice different from another person. We allow you with proof to report problems to us from members if you them and you have to say whether or not you give them permission and friend request you mainly if don't know one another. It is our rule for them inform you and they need to accept your answer whether they like it or not. For eg; if you are hoping to make friends give a brief induction yourself, say a little about yourself. Nothing personal, may your favorite music, hobby, etc. See if you get replies and see what they are for your own safety we advise you not to give people permission to pm or and friends, till you see if anyone replies, who replies and what they say, etc.

 However' any problem feel free to report it to us with proof so we are blocking and removing people in the wrong not right. I know this confusing Admin's safety matter as well so they have said too but do not pm or and friend request admins for social reasons unless you have thier permission to do so know them or and pming and added as friend them already. Pretty much the same with members too only that you have the right to let admins know if you are facing problems. They will either deal with the problem or ask another admin or me as a last result, this may be because they are not skilled in dealing with your problem and they may not feel okay pming people they don't know. We all have different skills so what one of us doesn't know we may ask another Admin.

Just bear in mind that the group is for all issues of life, each member may have joined for a different reason. Therefore as well as people with disabilities and or other problems, people who support them in different ways this group for, they won't likely want to socialize, etc. Therefore for example don't contact someone you don't know and someone who doesn't know you randomly. If you feel a need to speak to someone you don't write a message on the group and if your wishing to contact them ask them on the group, wait, and if they reply, don't contact if they don't reply or they don't wish you to contact them. 

Okay, yes I have just given you a reminder of the safety guarding well some of it, all the rest is in the purpose and safety rules of the group. Despite of all that we hope our rules haven't put you off, putting input on our group post, chatting about disabilities, all problems, etc. Admins are here to help the best we can but like you we have other lives, we are on and offline so we encourage all to try help one another if you can. Just to say some times we may be slow at seeing things like if you wrote a message to us for example and when we do we will see that it's dealt with. However' if you see someone who seems to want help sooner what we can give, I know not everyone feels they can but if you feel you can try to help that person or people please do so. 

We are trying to involve the coronavirus lockdown into the group and understand that this can be a huge effect on a lot of people's lives etc. Lockdown or no lockdown in this group is about making our problems disability, mental health, other problems, etc. So feel free to bring on the issues of the group.

Topics On This Group.

1. Health – Anything to do with the health of people with disabilities and health problems.

2. Housing – Accessible housing for disabled people, disability aids, disabled access and etc in the home.

3. Careers – Education and Employment for Disabled People.

4. Talent – Hobbies, interests, arts, craft and etc which can either be in the home, socially, or and in a career.

5. Social issues – Friendship, dating, going places, counseling, emotional support and etc.

6. Disabled Access – For e.g; wheelchairs, car parks, disabled aids, getting around on transport out and +, etc.

7. Public Advocacy – Empowering and supporting people with disabilities and health problems to speak for their rights. For eg; (Person Centred Planning.)

8. Private Advocacy is mostly legal and illegal Advocacy such as hate crime, discriminating, benefit cuts, fit for work, not fit for work and etc.

9. (‘ Learning Disability and Mental Health Awareness’) - people with disabilities and health problems training and educating those people without disabilities and health problems who are interested in working in the field of learning disability and health problems.

This could be things like posting, chatting about, etc, arts, crafts, puzzles, word searches, courses, jobs, hobbies, interests, talents, etc.

Never feel alone.

ttp://www.stophateuk.org/ 0800 138 1625

WWW.crimestoppers-uk.org 0800 555 111

Learning Disability Hate Crime Stop Crime Helpline 0800 802 1155

http://www.mind.org.uk/ 0300 123 3393 email info@mind.org.uk

Samaritans WWW.sameritans.org 08457 90 90 90

Elder Abuse WWW. ageuk.org.uk 0808 808 81141

Victim Support WWW,victimsupport.org.uk 08045 3030 900

NHS medial help non - emergency 111 WWW.nhs.uk

NSPCC Helpline WWW.nspcc.org.uk 0808 800 5000

Citizens Advice 0844 111 444 from landline 0300 330 06550 from mobile and WWW.adviceguide.org.uk

Community legal advice 0845 345 4345 WWW.justice.org.uk

Emergency 999

https://www.nidirect.gov.uk/articles/mental-health-services

http://inspiritedminds.org.uk/

https://www.nidirect.gov.uk/articles/mental-health-emergency-if-youre-crisis-or-despair

https://www.facebook.com/groups/AnxietyandDepressionThebigtalk/

https://www.rethink.org/diagnosis-treatment/treatment-and-support/crisis-teams

Just to say everything is hit and miss with the lockdown so help may be slow for these services to answer your contact. Just to say we Admins are not professionals, however, Alistair is a paramedic and carer but we will do our best to be a listening ear. Like I said we all different skills so some Admins may not be skilled to give emotional support etc but one will ask another if not myself, creator, as a last result and I will do my best to my best ability.

ADHD, Anixety, Autism and Depression

 All these conditions are not easy to write about even if you may have the conditions yourself.

I would say ADHD is a learning difficulty, disability, and mental health condition rolled into one.

Anxiety is a feeling of anger and fear, where people get anxious and worry about things more so than other people. It is hard to understand people can feel anxious and worried with or without a reason. 

The same work with Depression where it is a feeling of sadness whether there is a reason or not. 

 Most People with Autism find it hard to move out of their own conformable zoom, this can make them fearful and anxious whether or it is for the best, positive, negative, not or what. They find it hard to get along with new, changes, new surroundings not that they dislike them but they find it hard to communicate without being misunderstood. This can cause them a lot of anxiety, worry, and fear. They find it hard to cope with loneness as well.

 Once they have gone through these things though, slowly they get used to it but then find it hard for a while if or and when change happens again. People with most forms of Autism struggle to understand awareness of how things look and sound to other people without meaning to upset anyone, not that we do not have our crosses to bear as we are human-like everyone, there is good and bad in everyone, but without being aware or understanding we are likely to do and say things we do not mean. That does not mean we expect to be treated as if nothing has happened but we just need people to be aware that we may do or and say things unintentionally. 

 Although they may not be aware of what they may do or say to defend people without meaning to they will be aware that they may  have done in something and it is likely causing them a lot of anxiety frustration if they are not understanding or awareness of what they have done or and said. 

Like ADHD and Anxiety, it is a feeling of anger and firstaighten like Depression is a feeling of sadness. You could say that Autism is pretty much in between the two in its own way. However' let's not cause a misunderstanding as these problems can be linked to other problems too, which Anxiety and Depression are likely to be together, on its own, or linked with other problems too. 

About Autism 2

 On this handout, I want to try and focus on the positives of Autism. It may not apply to everyone who faces the condition does not mean they face the same positives and same with negatives too. This may be because in some people's cases that they face other conditions too. For example, according to my research, it says people with Autism have a good sense of direction, I haven't but that does not mean the person does not necessarily mean the person is not Autism. In my case I have Dyspraxia and with that condition, you have a poor sense of direction according to what the research says and in my case it is true.

• We tend to remember things from a long time ago rather than a short time ago.
• Direct communication, that can vary, some people may be the opposite due to possibly having other conditions as well but it is not necessarily always the case.
• Maths, computers, music, or and art can be their strong areas but again that can vary from person, some may be good at one, some or all. For me poetry, story writing, drawing, painting, coloring, and pretty much some areas of IT.  I am not good at maths at all because I have Dyscalia that's linked to Dyspraxia.
• We tend to be visual thinkers but again that can vary.
• Learn to read a young age but struggle with certain words, reading and pronouncing but not comprehend what we are reading about but we may learn to read sooner even that a child with no problems even. Again this can vary from person to person. Always except the unexcepted. The reason for me saying this is because as a child I loved reading, even though I struggled with certain words, which the teacher had to help me and I used meltdown soon as the reading session was over. Bearing in mind I was a child long before the internet etc, the layout and print of books, etc weren't easy for a person with problems for us to understand what the story is about, etc. No one in my family could not understand why could not read all of a book unless there were clearer print and even pictures. My Gran used to go to the library a lot and try and encourage me. All this can vary because this could be to do with Dyslexia, Dyspraxia as well as Autism. However' this is a positive as well as a negative because it is possible to be a positive if the person is able to have the right support aids. At the same time a shame that the person faces those difficulties when they can read probably sooner than most people who do not face difficulties, they just struggle to comprehend what they are reading about but with accessible materials, etc it is possible for the person to overcome but expect this to vary from person to person as everyone's needs are difficult. 
• Good time management, again do not except that in everyone.
• Honesty
• Bright but difficulties along with it.
• Independent thinking, that can vary mainly if they face other conditions as well as Autism, and also it may depend on the topic, skill, etc if and how much they may know. If something new to them they may need a lot of support so except anything off them really. 
• They are less concerned with what others think, again something can vary depending on their condition, other conditions they may have, experiences they have had with other teachers, people who support, family, etc and whether or not the skill, task, etc is new to them, how much they do and don't, etc. 
• Loyal, no matter their positives and negatives they are likely to try things more so without knocking anyone than most people without problems but again except anything from anyone in how they do and do not cope with things.
• This neither positive and negative, I cannot speak for others similar if not the same as me but I tend to work on the things I know rather than what I do not, it takes me quite a bit of confidence to try something new if I do but if I do if it comes familiar to me and if I do get to know the skill then I am okay. 
• They understand rules, yes mostly true but for most people, if the rules are accessible and not confusing. 
• They are nonjudgement, it's probably unlikely that is untrue because of the experience of their own problems they are likely to treat others as an equal.
• Once they have a topic that they are good at and what they are interested in they are on the ball but some may find it hard to focus on anything else. This may because take my case for example: as a child, did not learn anything in school from been on very strong tablet. The only skill I had back then was swimming. When I left school and learned stable management, it took me a long time to have the confidence to try something new which was a care course, English literature, nd language, drawing painting, then IT. 

• 
  

About Autism

 Autism is a developmental disability and it is there for life. It affects how the person interacts with people and the world. Life and the world seems and feels different around us than other people, it can be big and confusing to us. As well as seeing and feeling different, it is possible we can hear differently too. What seems rather small you seem huge to us, which most things may not turn out as big and as bad as what we think. For example say a busy city with a lot of people, where we can get lost if mainly if we haven't been there before but even after that it could take us a long time to find our way around but with the right support it is possible for us to get through this. 

Autism like other conditions is not a disease or illness and it cannot be cured but it is possible for us to maybe overcome some problems we faced during childhood in adulthood. Some of us face other problems as well which may need more support than others. This could be learning difficulties, disabilities, mental other problems, one, some, or all of them. However, with the right support, it is possible for us to live an equal life as possible. 

Each type of Autism is different, professionals say that people with Asperger Syndrome can pretty much look after themselves and it's just really social skills they struggle with but if you face other problems as well you may need support. 

Autism Spectrum disorder is the most common form of Autism to be misunderstood, this can lose the person a lot if not all relationships in people. Everyone has their Crosses to bear including those with Autism Spectrum. Autism is misunderstood anyway because we find it hard to express how we sound to people and do not really understand how we seem and sound to everyone.

 Do not get me wrong when I say this but this can vary person to person depending on how major or mild their condition is. In fact for some people, they can over things compared to how they were when they were younger say. This can depend on what's done and said, there can be a lack of understanding of the person's half, your half, or both. For example, Most people with major forms of Autism, they may not understand how the phase break a leg may sound for example. 

Yet some people may think it but in fear whether not they should say it mainly if they are with people they do not know, with some things people may say, some may take it hard and others may not. Others may not have awareness or understanding of how it may sound to most people, therefore it becomes a huge shock to them if someone does get angry. 

Unless the person tells them how that sounds and even then depending on the person's condition they may or may not understand but if they are aware they will feel bad about and say sorry. In fact, you may find most of them getting angry and upset with themselves. That does not necessarily mean that that's okay and they are likely to gain a lot of friendships etc.

 They are human-like everyone and have their crosses to bear but they may slip the mark more often. That does necessarily mean you should treat them any different to anyone else but be mindful, that you may need to react slightly differently if they do not seem to be aware of how something they do or say, sounds, and or looks. 

I am guessing the chances are they become aware when you tell them something sounds or looks bad to you and your not they have done and said whatever, chances are they will say sorry but feeling cross with themselves they said or did whatever.

 They are likely to have Asperger Syndrome but if they do not become aware or seem to understand, they just may get upset, walk away wondering why all this happening but still not been aware or understand anyone whose trying to tell them, which some cases hard to know whether they face the condition or not, you will only know that if they are with someone they know, which it's likely will likely do their best to see that the person does not embassy themselves, compared to if you just see the person on their own.

 Even anything is done or and said and they are with someone they know, it's likely they will try to keep things at bay. 

With Autism you do get some forms that are hidden and others are not. Although no one wishes anyone to face a shown physical condition etc, the hidden ones are hard to see. 

Most people who hidden condition tend to look as if there is not anything wrong with them only, when or and if they say do things it may show or if not can be misunderstood but that does not mean they are a certain of attention either but if it does become aware you still need to be careful how you react with them, mainly if they are aware how something looks or and sounds to you or and others. 

• They may have little or eye contact towards or may stare without realizing they are.
• They may find it hard to listen, look, and understand people.
• They may tend to be quiet if there's a big crowd of you, fearing they may do or say things that have nothing to do with what you are talking or those that do they are likely to Autism Spectrum may be unaware of what you are doing and what you are talking about and may try to bring something you don't want to the chat without meaning to, I know is a hard one to react to. A tip for that is you don't necessarily have to listen to their topic every time see them but allow it now and then so the person is not feel left out of the company. If that is not working then chances are they have a major form of Autism Spetum. If they are not with anyone who supports them, rather than get angry with them say they for eg; you are in a pub, etc maybe speak to the manager or staff of the pub raise the concern to them.
• They also may have difficulty sharing things, feelings, etc.
• They may be slow at someone calling their name for example.
• May have difficulty coming backward and forwards in the chat, even not aware or and understand when you have changed the subject, etc 
• They may struggle with facial expressions, gestures, movement, etc.
• Some people have major forms of Autism, Autism spectrum, their speech may not sound clear, they may make screaming laughing or and even crying, baa noises whereas some such as Asperger may sound clearer and stutter. I myself have a stutter.
• They may struggle to understand people's point of view.
• They may repeat things, have odd behaviors, etc.
• They might find it hard to understand people's actions.  https://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/topics/autism-spectrum-disorders-asd/index.shtml
• https://www.autismdontpanic.co.uk/aspergers_symptons.html

 

Sara's poetry page 10

 I am human everyone. 

there's still time for me but I have also learned not to build my hopes up you see.

 

When I was twenty - eight I thought my life was over I thought it was too late, even though I was in love with a man who wasn't right for me.
I may go through pain in my life like everyone else but I pick myself up and move on. 

Now I love the man who is for me.

Time.

 

I believe I have now met the man who for me
Who knows what the future will be.
When I was a young woman of thirty I thought I'd live a normal life to be.
I thought by the age of thirty I'd be rearing young of my own but now I have seen the world today it's not a safe world for children to be.

Being disabled is stopping rearing children like everyone else I just needed the support that was all.

Not everyone is lucky to have their dream home and lover to be which has taught me not to live in fairy-tale land to be.
I must say I have met the love of my who will bond with me to love forever endlessly.

Now I am fifty nearly fifty -one, the years will be rolling fast.

 

I have walked out on one man who was not meant to last with me but now I have learned to see what happens when tomorrow's door opens.

Who knows where I will be after fifty, will there be the man for me? 

  

It is okay to not be okay. 

 

When I say it is okay to be okay that does not mean no one should care.

That does not mean people should judge.

That does not mean you should feel you cannot talk to anyone or have to talk to anyone.

That does not mean you have to be alone in the world.

That does not mean it is all in your mind because there are others who are feeling if not the same but similar to.

Yes, your right no one has a clue what you are going, no has a clue what anyone is going through only them to say but we can all learn to understand one another about one another.

It is also understandable that we do not want to or and can tell everyone how we are feeling.

No one is forced to tell anyone anything, but it may help if you tell someone for example a friend, family, parent, counselor or and etc.

Please do not be alone, your life is as important the same as everyones.

What’s life all about?

 

My bright and dark future will be upon me, which I am and not looking forward to.

To love I am looking forward but for getting old I am not but hopefully, I will get wiser.
Loneliness, no loneliness and old age will give me so much to dread and none at all.
While I'm still young enough I will enjoy the life I have yet.
Old age will not make a fool out of me if that was so what a happy and sad the character I would be.
I don't expect people to feel sorry for me, old or young I must enjoy life while I am here.

I want my peaceful body crumbled away with happiness and grace but no pain.
Now and again I will look down from heaven to earth to see the people I leave behind who I remember well.
You must accept the fact that we can't live forever.
So open your eyes god open and see, under that a disabled person is an able human being and she is a real character in me.
I will still write short stories, novel, play, and romantic poetry. 

We may need to face the facts.

The Coronavirus could be here to say with, but we need to protect ourselves and each other.

The lockdown seems like forever but that does not mean life stops, we just need to health and safety guard.

Keep going with online working and courses.

I just need to keep writing whatever happens.

I have not written much for years but now I need to keep writing every day even when I am able to go back to work again.

I know I am not alone in this Coronavirus lockdown, but neither are you.

That does not mean I am not aware of how serious this Virus is, we did not need this.

 

Charlies Bukowski, you were not alone.

I know what it feels like to feel as if your life is going off the rails.

All I did was smoke, drink and write poetry, which took me alone time to cut down or even stop.

I think I only discovered your work a few years after your death the same time I was inspired by Shelly, Keats, and co as well, which was when I had my Mental breakdown in 1997.

I am yet to discover more of your work and your life, good and bad like all our lives have been.

You inspired me when I was down in myself and you inspire me even now, I have long overcome my breakdown.

Now I have closed the door on you.

I used to think I was too selfish in my own feelings because I was so in love with you but then I realized you never felt the same, you only pretended to.

In the end, I wondered why I ever bothered with you at all, even to write about you.

I was so blind to love you and to love you as long as I did, now I feel nothing for you at all.

This shows how ungrateful you were that I loved you so long.

Now it is too late I do not feel the same as I did for you so that is good, and it means you cannot hurt me no more.

I now love someone ten times more than the man you were and probably still are.

When you read my poetry.

When you read my poetry, you went mad at me because you know it was the truth about you.

You could not stand to know how I felt about you because you did not feel the same.

I don’t think I saw it at the time and if I did I couldn’t accept you never felt the same but I do more than accept it now, I don’t love you anymore either.

Sometimes I wish I never said a word not that it made any difference but now who cares? I do not now anymore.

 

Yet you said that my words could be songs.

How different you reacted when you say one of my published poems about you but just remember not all my work is about you, a lot is, and a lot is not.

I wish I never had bothered but then I don’t just because I don’t feel the same now doesn’t mean I’m putting my work about you to waste, I just write it the opposite way I did to start with.

The unknown must have scared you know that one day I would change from been soft as a brush to how I am now, I used to let you walk over me but no more.

You cannot play with my mind anymore now I have walked away from you.

You found me

 

For once love has followed me, I have not followed love for once.

You put the wings upon my feet.

Where have you been all my life?

Have you been hiding from me?

I know you believe in me, none the loves who thought that were loves did believe me.

   

The voice of love

Love speaks for itself, we never expected to feel this way about one another.

I can hear your voice.

I see your great smile.

You crack such great jokes with your An amazing sense of humor.

We are serious about one another.

There is no romance and no kissing, but it is to come.

We are in the voice of video chat; we will be meeting when the time is right.

 

He never knew his own mind.

 

I walked away from him because he never knew his own mind.

He used to say loved me then say he did not.

 He used to keep going hot and cold.

I put up with him for too long.

Really, I think he hated me, which used to bother but does not now.

He was playing dangerous games with my mind.

Your always in my mind and thoughts.

 

Your always in my mind all the time, and thoughts my sweet, even though I speak to you on video chat every day.

You are my shining sun even when the weather is bad.

I only need to see your face and my life shines through good times and bad.

Voices, words, and thoughts of poets.

The hills

 the valleys

 beaches

The weather

 Romance

Lots more but all explained in a few words.

 

 

I never saw the light.

No one seemed to agree with my thoughts and as years went on, I saw the light that I was wrong and they were right.
For twelve months my head was just in the sand back between my hands from 1996 to 1997.
All I saw was a dark tunnel each hour, minute, second of every day.
No light never seemed to come my way.
Loneliness was just a cloud as couples walked passed, therefore I thought this wouldn't happen to me again.

 

That's how I thought my life was going to be.
Found for me to make one hard choice to love or loneliness but then I found it hard to get too close again.

I lost all trust in everyone but felt so bad for feeling this way.
I spent a lot of time worrying that I would meet the wrong person and get myself hurt again.
As right or wrong people may be, it's best to let people in these states of mind are themselves, in their own time some may see the light.
If you ask me what I think I will tell you but I will never tell you what and what not to do.
I will be there for you and I will never judge you, I know what this feels like, I have been there myself.

How can I love without been blind I used to ask myself?
I went through this fear for such a long time.
I had no trust in anyone at all yet I felt so bad about.
Therefore I left people to carry on talking and telling their thoughts, which I was blind to.
I used to think I may as well live my life in sin because I feared getting hurt again.
Now I wouldn't say I'm one hundred percent me again but I'm ten times better than I was then.
Oh yes back then I wouldn't think I would be where I am today, which is why I would never say to anyone you will get there, I listen, understand, and let them make their own choices.

  

Story draft to prose.

Over the years Julie Robinson has closed the door on Mark Hunt even more.
 When Julie was younger she thought she was the selfish one, which wasn't true, instead.
 Thinking the way she felt for him, she found it hard to think about how he might have felt about her. However' he never felt anything for her, he only pretended to.
She wondered why she bothered to write him a line let alone two or more.
Julie said she was blind about his love for so many years when it turned out he didn't love her at all.
This showed she thought how ungrateful he was about her love and how selfish he was and now he's too late as she loves someone ten times the man he was.
When he read her poetry, he went mad all those years ago because he hated her writing about him.
Mark couldn't stand to know how she felt for him or that she may have done for anyone else but she never loved anyone other than Mark when she was with him.
How ungrateful he was she thought.