Sara's Poetry page 7

 

To be a female.

She was an unknown character with golden blonde hair, with an unknown name.

She was just a person out of nowhere.

No one bothered her.

Older, she got the less stress she got with feelings unknown.

How long had she been feeling the way she felt?

How she dies unknown.

She was in New York.

She did not find it easy to say how she felt.

The young star of New York back in the day.

The sun was extraordinarily strong as she was tanning very quickly.

She feared her body changing.

It was so long ago.

It was so long ago since she lay on the beach.

She lost interest in the world around her.

She did not like dirty dull counties she liked counties that were fresh and green.

She drank the coffee on the train on the way to Manhattan.

She walked along with New York City.

She loved New York. 

 

Change of feelings.

I loved him so long ago.

It took me years to stop loving.

I thought it would never end with us, it lasted so long.

I have not felt anything for years and hope I never will.

I have learned that love can be blind.

I would never build my hopes on anyone now.

My feelings were too out of control.

 

Writing comes from the mind.

So little time to write.

So little time to type but it will be on my website.

Now easy to put things into words so readers understand.

Cannot help but fear that my readers may think I write rubbish.

Cannot help but think I do not make myself clear on what I say.

It can be strange how the mind thinks and then I get writer’s blocks.

I am no one special I just write words.

My pen cannot always write in time to my mind or cannot think of anything at all.

I do not always make sense, but I try to.

 

Life is in bits and pieces.

Nothing is straight forward.

Everything is all over the place.

Things are not always what you expect.

However,’ there’s good and bad in everything and everybody.

If everything and everybody was the same what a boring world life would be.

Every day there is an animal as well as a human in us.

We live and die, change and we are our own people. 

Overpowered.

We are overpowered by the government.

How dare they control us and tell us what to do.

However,’ rules are needed but they can only go so far.

Life is how we make it, or should I say at times how we have to make it?

It is not always the case if others make a life for you.

It is not right to have a life too easy but not too hard either.

Britain is too tight and kind of money.

Money does not buy love, happiness or and it does not grow on trees.

Writing travel.

Not easy to travel writing.

Easier to write on the plane but hard to see what is out and about.

Need to keep a diary and keep track of what one has done.

With today’s IT, recognize places and study maps.

Easy to think of too much or and nothing at all to a point of a writer’s block. 

 

Passion for writing.

It takes me a while to think about what I am going to writing.

Once thoughts get out of my mind it is like nonstop.

I have no talent I just have words to say.

Words that do and do not mean a lot but just somehow come out.

My mind goes blank before I write again.

My pen does not always work in time to my mind to a point nothing makes any sense. 

 

 

On the road again.

On the road to Woodstock New York and the sun is shining.

Woodstock is the history of American 60s bands.

I view the mountains of Woodstock.

Everywhere full of forests, departments, and old trees.

Old winter trees and new spring trees

Green leaves on the trees for the summer.

The deep blue sky.

The long bumpy road.

 

Dyslexic writer.

It is hard to write when the car is moving as I think what to write.

I feel no poems to come or I just end up writing rubbish.

I am Dyslexic, I cannot read and write.

It is just rubbish writing unnecessary to non-Dyslexic people?  

You have gone out of my mind.

Now it is time to get you off my mind.

Time to move on.

I need to move on.

I have to move on.

I want to move on away from you.

It is far too late for us to love again as you broke my heart again, you cannot keep on walking in and out my life as nothing has happened.

I now have no love for you to go back to you anymore.

I have now had enough time to put the past behind me, there is no point us being together anymore.

My mind is getting stronger and stronger every day.

Now I have realized our parting was the best thing that ever happened.

You only have yourself to blame, you did not take the chance when you had it, which was when I loved you so much now, I hate you so much.

I need to stop me from writing about you, but I need to write lines to remind me I do not love you anymore till I feel nothing at all for you.

 I must not feel in love with you, the message has been taking years to sink in.

I need to get over the love, I now have so much anger.

I now feel nothing at all for you.

Your loss, my gain, I am going through no more for you and I mean it now.

 

Today.

Today will be a good day.

Today will be a warm day.

Whatever the weather there are ways of enjoying your days.

Think about the villages, shops of Woodstock.

The year of my birth.

Jimi Hendricks in Woodstock over 50 years ago.

Brain Jones from the Rolling Stones lost his life in England swimming, what a sad time for the band even though they sacked him for his death.

1969 Neil Armstrong landed on the moon.

 

Let us just say it as it is.

 

Let we just face the truth even though it may hurt.

No matter what the reason, I cannot keep on giving into your games.

Now is the time to put an end to this by me being out of your life.

I knew sooner or later you would want me back again but then you don’t as you just want to pretend you do to cover up your own guilt, you feel nothing for me at all., I have news for you I feel nothing at all for you either no more and I mean it.

I am well and long out your life now; sorry I have gone for good and met someone else twice the man you are.

 

Sorry I cannot be friends with you as you hurt me too much to be friends with you, even though I know hate is a stronger word, but I forgave you for far too long.

This may well sound two-faced of me but I would never wish you dead, otherwise, why should I care 

what happened next but I only hope the next woman you have in your life you treat better than you did me because I guess she won’t put up with as half as much as I did?

You will probably love her a lot more than you loved me which was not all and if you blow it with her, it will hurt you badly if or when she goes out your life like I did but sooner than I did.

What goes around comes around.

 

Please tell me why.

I told you that I could not promise we could be more than friends and that I was not ready for a relationship at the time I was facing emotional stress at the time.

I was not still in love with my ex, I was emotionally angry with him.

Not that I did not love you, but I did not want to take out what I had been through from someone else onto you, which was why I did not

 

consider the relationship.

It was a mistake us trying but you would not take no for an answer and you were not accepting that I was not ready for the relationship.

Now it is too LATE; I am with someone else and I have moved on.

I promised me I would not give anyone a second chance but again you kept on until you got your own way.

When we broke up the second time that was that for good and still is.

If you would have loved me like you said you did, you would have understood and accepted whatever happened, but you did not.

 

Just be grateful that I am your friend and that is the way it will always go forever.

Somethings happen for the best; it could have been worse you could have lost my friendship as well. 

PUT THE PAST BEHIND.

 

MOVE FORWARD ON BACKWARDS.

Do not go back forwards.

Put the past behind you but learn from it.

The past has gone.

Live for the present because the future is not here but you could plan for it.

No one can say though what you plan will happen.

 

Depression.
Depression isn't all sadness.
Depression isn't all black and white.
We not nuts or neither are we not completely sad or completely happy either, we just want to be heard and understood.
Depression isn't all one feeling to what it says by the sound of the word Depression.
Depression you can be feeling very up and down more so than people without Depression.
Please don't judge what you don't understand or know!
We are all positive as well as negative people.
The same the other way round, just because we may laugh, smile or and etc doesn't mean we necessarily do feel that way inside ourselves, many of us feel very sad side.
How we show ourselves can be very different to what feel inside but not always the case, it can vary so much from time to time and or even person to person.

Little is show because it's so very hidden as far as the condition itself is concerned.
You could have the greatest life in the world yet feel the unhappiest person in the world yet have the worse life in the world and be the happiest person in the world, which can vary from person to person,  time to time or any way round.  

 

You were in my mind.

You were in my mind.

You were in my head.

Writing poetry has been like writing lines in school.

I must get you out of my mind and out of my head.

You seemed to be so long at the time but even after I walked out of your life, now it seems as if nothing ever happened between us, it was so long ago.

Now it has been as if I have had a long nightmare and woken up again.

I never thought it would end.

 

I once went off the rails because of you, I never thought the pain would end.

Every day seemed as if life was not worth living.

With counseling and poetry my life is moving forward without you.

There is now a light at the end of the tunnel which I thought was dark.

Once every day was hard without you but now I would never have you back in my life.

 

Risking a long road without realizing.

 I wrongly let my feelings get in my way and I should have controlled them.
Therefore I feared and took the risk for someone I loved it at that time and now I hate him.
If only I was braver I would have saved myself extra pain.
I took the risk knowing he was going to break me again but then realizing he didn't in the end because I fell down and got back up again ten times stronger than what he did.
I took him back, we spent seven years together, what a big mistake that was because my love was far too strong towards him to turn him down.
This time I knew whatever it took I had to start to walk away before he hurt me ten times as hard as he did before.

I started to walk away slowly for a month in spite of my feelings.
In a few days, I started to feel nothing for him, which I couldn't believe after 13 and a half years on and off.
 It was a great weight off my shoulders but it still took six years till I was out of his life altogether because I was great friends with his Mum.
 Only after she died I walked away from him for good
He couldn't make up him his mind whether he loved me or not so,  therefore he didn't love me at all.
As time when on he kept on saying sorry, he kept begging me to take him back, I kept on saying no.