Saras' poetry page 1.

 

Introduction

My name is Sara Jane Gorman, disabilities, mental health, and other problems from birth. I have been writing since I was twenty – three years old and now nearly fifty -one but not much luck with publishing due to my disabilities.

I have been writing poetry since I was twenty – seven even though I wrote my first poem when I was twenty – three otherwise I wrote a bit on my autobiography and a few stories that are not successful. I started writing to help me through recovering from and having treatment for cancer of the throat at the age of 23 and the poetry started through having a mental break down over a bad relationship break up at a time when I was 27, that I am well over now.

Keeping the mind busy.

Nothing to do.

Boredom affects the mind.

Boredom makes us feel sad.

There is no reason to do nothing.

Despite the stress of money lets us do what we can.

Be thankful for living.

Some of us have more than less than others.

Money is not everything in life, but happiness is important.

What's on Your Mind?

The world would be boring if we were all the same.

There is no point of greed.

There would be nothing left in the world then we'd be even sadder.
People who want everything all the time are boring and sad people.
People who want something for nothing need to get a life when there are people who loved to work but have good reasons not to.
Be happy for the good things accept the bad things.
Life is what you make it, only you can make bad into good.
If you wait you will get more.

We need a purpose to live even if it is just a hobby.

 

 Looking in the mirror, what do I see?

 When times are hard you seem to think they won't get easy but if you give it time some things will others won't.
 Not everything can be the same.
 You mustn't feel alone because you are not others go through not much different if not the same.

 No one can tell you other than you how you think and feel.
They are so right you are so wrong but that is not always the case, there is a slim chance you could be right they could be wrong. 
 They know it all because they have all been there before.

The poet who inspired me, John Keats.  

 The truth is unknown, the whole world is blind.
The truth hurts when that's how you don't want to see your life but if you accept something else will turn out better than what you had in the first place.
  Feelings and thoughts are hard to control when you want something or someone.
No matter how wrong it maybe you can't move until those feelings and thought have, the only way is to let go if you start see it that it isn't right, which the hardest.
It won't get better if it's not working.
 I never knew Keats was a poet.
 I had never heard of Keats before.
 I never knew his heart was broken just like mine but in a different time.
 I never knew he'd inspire me to be a poet. I was stronger than I thought. I coped with exams, stress, studying, and depression.
 As a twenty - SEVEN-YEAR-OLD English student I walked along with the college library.

More on Keats. 

What did I see? All I saw was Keats on a cover of a book looking at how I felt at the time.
 I read his poetry of broken love, which inspired me because he faced near enough the same as me.

I never knew he wrote about his feelings at that time.
 When I look at the picture of him it was as if I saw myself in the mirror.
 Until I read his work I had no idea that we had a poetry talent between us.
 I was totally unaware of what book I was picking up and what to expect inside it.
 Both of us lived in different times.
 I never knew he shared the same subject as me, romance, and broken romance.
 That's when I knew I wasn't alone. He died of a broken heart,
 I did not but I once thought I was going to. If he had not inspired me,
 I believe my talent would have been unknown.
Ode to A Nightingale' is my best poem by John Keats.

It was a dark time.

 Back in October 1996 - August 1997 I drank heavy.
 Every time I drank I thought my problems would go away.
 Problems were still there the next day.
 I thought my loneliness would be there day after day for the rest of my life. I felt as if life was not worth living.

I could not see the wood through the trees.
 Near enough twelve months of sadness seemed like a lifetime for me.
One bright side of John Keats inspired me to write. John Keats work was the first poetry I came across in 1997 at the age of 27.

I feel so low.
I feel so low and empty without you.
How did I meet you?
How did I fall for you?
How did I get myself in this state?
Why did I build up my hopes that you were the one for me?
I remember I was going through with a heartache with someone else when I first met you.
Now feel the same now as I did then.
It never seems to end.
I don't want anyone but you.
Now I have told myself that in time I will meet someone new just as I had to when I broke up with all the other lovers.
This is hard to believe how I feel now.

 

Hiding pain with a smile.
Sometimes the world can know too much about you.
Sometimes we should be free to have our secrets and cope alone with whatever goes wrong.
Drinking may not be the answer but tears are too locked in the eyes to cry.
Keeping ones' self-busy is keeping ones' self-going.
Now it's too easy to fear the future.
Not wanting to be alone but not having to deal with disappointed ended love.
It's hard to know what you do and don't want to let alone what's going to happen.
Try not to think about it, just get on with it with a smile.
Maybe it's easy to smile but hard to stop thinking about you.
No matter how I try I find my feelings for you are hard to go.

 

Poetry, Anxiety, and depression.

It's poetry that helps me accept life as it is.
As long as I keep my mind busy.
As long as I live my life busy.
Like us all as long as I have something to look forward to I can cope with life.
I am down if I have nothing at all.
I can't fight Anxiety and depression without poetry.
I can't cope with life with nothing.
I get sad and angry if I sit all the time bored.
Helping others helps me along.
Poetry helps me let out my thoughts. 

 Without poetry.

Without poetry, life would be more painful than what it is.
Without poetry, I would look and feel silly for being down for no reason.
Poetry makes life as less as bad as what it is.
Poetry makes me see life different from what I'd be without poetry.
Without poetry, I would never feel good about myself, I would be angry about myself.
When seeing the good in yourself you see the good in others.
Life is what you make it in one way but not in another.
Each and every one of us I believe has something inside us.
We just cope with good and bad in life in different ways.
Most of us think thoughts too much, this where poetry 

comes in.
I'm a person who has a lot of thoughts which have for many years put into poetry.
Without poetry, I would have held too much back. 

When I feel anger.

When I feel the anger I don't want to live.
When I feel the anger I feel stress and tense.
There are too many thoughts going through my head to a point I want to write poetry.
I need to stop myself from getting angry and depression mainly when it's for no reason but sometimes there are reasons.
I need to stop myself from doing and say things I regret. 

 

The Mind.

This is unknown to think about what we are going to think.
Unknown to why we think what we think when we think.
Most thoughts seem odd to others yet unknown why to the person who thinks those thoughts.
Yet many thoughts seem odd to the person whose thought them in time to come.
Thoughts can be unknown like feelings can be unknown.
Some thoughts and feelings may last for life others may only last for a certain amount of time which either be short or long.
The thoughts we think can't please everyone.
What a boring world it would be if we were right and good all the time.

Not everyone is bad all the time even though a lot of us think we are.

 

Too much to cope with in life.

The head spins round and round.
Everyone makes out no one knows nothing at all about anything at all.
Too many people say different things to one thing.
There can't be millions of answers to one the question can there?
Too many things happen at once or nothing at all.
They want you in too many places at once.
Too many people talk to you at once.

At times life is just too much at once. 

I am what I am as well as who I am.

I am what I am as well as who I am.
What I was born to be is what I was to be as well as who I was born to be.
Who I was born to be is me.
I learned to be strong-minded with not a great deal of choice in life due to my abilities.
Yet the change in me I don't think anyone or I would be.
The person as a child and the person as an adult are two different me.
It was hard for me to believe in me because others found it hard to see the good in me.
Now I have learned a lot in adulthood even though there's a limit to what I can do. 

Everything seems worse than what it might be.

 

Anxiety.

Everything seems worse than what it might be.
Something on the mind until it's all over one way or the other.
Some things never are over.
It seems like forever, it all builds up inside like an animal trying to get out of a cage.
You can't sleep at night.
What seems easy for you to deal with isn't for me.
Yes I know that I am not alone, my thoughts are for others like me and worse off than me.
It may not be a worry in the end but the build-up is just too much.
No matter how hard you try to control your Anxiety, it's just not easy.
Stress is a killer on its own but even more of a killer  for people who have stress within them without it.

People with disabilities and health problems find stress to cope with because our health problems and disabilities are stressful for us as it is.
Without writing and art, I would have got myself misunderstood, even more, I may have done harm to myself or other people without meaning.
Anger is hard to control due to Anxiety. 

Fears.

People fear how other people are going to be towards them.
It's so easy to say and do things that come out wrong.
It's so easy to be unaware of what we say and do.
People don't like the way we seem and sound.
Our words come wrong so unplanned to our thoughts.
People aren't our friends because we seem what we are not.
We always feel bad if or and when we have realized we have or may have upset someone.
Not everything is down to our disabilities we are also our own people just like you are but most our disabilities make us the people we don't want to be.

 

our own people just like you are but most our disabilities make us the people we don't want to be.