Sara's poetry page 8

 This is not a cry out for help.

This is not a cry out for help.
This is not seeking attention, we are just making you aware of our conditions.
This is a very down feeling with or without a reason.
No one wants to feel like they do.
No one wants to take how they feel on others.
No one wants to leave others in sadness.
Just when you feel like this, life feels painful to live but it doesn't mean you want to leave the world to grief.
We are not nuts, it doesn't make us suffer worse than others the way you may think we think, we just cope in a different way to you.
We would say if we really truly knew why ourselves, it may well pass but then it comes back, we are up and down which can happen to anyone but we are just more so often than, those who do not face Mental  Health .

We are not asking for the world, we are asking to learn and understand about us.

 

If only I did it sooner.

I only I left sooner and if only I didn't love you for so long.
I only I felt stronger to walk away from you sooner but then, in the end, I did.
Still, although it wasn't nice at the time, the harder time you gave me, what you didn't realize was the stronger you made me.
Now I can move on without you on my mind.
It took me so long to get where I am now, now it's as if I never knew or saw you.
You thought you knocked me right down, okay you did but I got back up again.
You never thought you would be sad to lose me but you are because you begged to get me back when you realized you were wrong to let me go so what goes around comes around.

I don't like revenge but if it's necessary it doesn't do you any harm to see what it's been like to be on my side of the coin, does it?
How long did you think I was going to let you walk over me without me realizing I was?
How shocked were you when I could walk away and live without you being in my life?
You don't like to see the change in me and you don't like the truth do you?
The truth hurts you so don't beg me like a dog for another chance because you will get nowhere with me!
Sorry, I won't do it again!
Let's not go there pretending you're someone you are not.
How many chances do you want?
None with me. 

realized you were wrong to let me go so what goes around comes around.
I don't like revenge but if it's necessary it doesn't do you any harm to see what it's been like to be on my side of the coin, does it?
How long did you think I was going to let you walk over me without me realizing I was?
How shocked were you when I could walk away and live without you being in my life?
You don't like to see the change in me and you don't like the truth do you?
The truth hurts you so don't beg me like a dog for another chance because you will get nowhere with me!
Sorry, I won't do it again!
Let's not go there pretending you're someone you are not.
How many chances do you want?
None with me. 

Will the sad feeling ever end?


Mental health isn't always a sad feeling, we go through times of feeling happy and sad just like everyone but the difference is how often we do to those you don't face Mental health.
The sad feeling can last however long or short it going to be but to us, it can feel like long even if it's short because it can be the unknown.
You can feel the way you do with or without reason and no one really knows why it's just the feeling inside the person.
Anxiety can link with Depression because you worry, panic or and even fear over things that most don't seem to be as bad as what they do seem.
In the time sadness, it's hard to have faith and positive in yourself until somehow, someway that feeling passes but then you wonder whether or not you going 

to get through, which is why you may be saying things you wouldn't say and even do in a happy state of mind.
It can vary from time to time and even person to person.
Never think those who suffer from Mental health is how life will end, it will either will or won't the same with disability too. 

I never saw the light.

No one seemed to agree with my thoughts and as years went on, I saw the light that I was wrong and they were right.
For twelve months my head was just in the sand back between my hands in 1996 to 1997.
All I saw was a dark tunnel each hour, minute, second of every day.
No light never seemed to come my way.
Loneliness was just a cloud as couples walked passed, therefore I thought this wouldn't happen to me again.
That's how I thought my life was going to be.
Found for me to make one hard choice to love or loneliness but then I found it hard to get too close again.
I lost all trust in everyone but felt so bad for feeling this way.

I spent a lot of time worrying that I would meet the wrong person and get myself hurt again.
As right or wrong people may be, it's best to let people in these states of minds be themselves, in their own time some may see the light.
If you ask me what I think I will tell you but I will never tell you what and what not to do.
I will be there for you and I will never judge you, I know what this feels like, I have been there myself.
How can I love without been blind I used to ask myself?
I went through this fear for such a long time.

I had no trust in anyone at all yet I felt so bad about.
Therefore I left people to carry on talking and telling their thoughts, which I was blind to.
I used to think I may as well live my life in sin because I feared of getting hurt again.
Now I wouldn't say I'm one hundred percent me again but I'm ten times better than I was then.
Oh yes back then I wouldn't think I would be where I am today, which is why I would never say to anyone you will get there, I listen, understand, and let them make their own choices.

Anxiety going through my mind.

I lay asleep then woke up to see deep snow.
The clouds were grey with a windy wintery cold the breeze of fresh.
The trees drifted into the breeze.
Although the doors were locked wind blew snow right into the countryside.

The winds blew high right across the sky.
The moon shone brightly with shining stars into the morning light.
Therefore I blew like a kite going through the light with such a fight.
There came the thundering and lighting with a fright.
There was darkness then came into the light.
It was such a very wild site into the night.

 

Me as I was, me as I am now. 

I was just a child with thick long brushy hair that blew with the wind.
Now my hair is as grey as hills.
Now tiredness is hitting me with the cold and the wind.
At the age of ten, I sprained my ankle running up the hill.
Winter days, winter nights, and frostbites.
The skies are wintery, sients and grey as there are 

handy any people about because it's just too cold to go out, everywhere just comes to a standstill.
Short grey days turn to the long dark of the night as the moon and stars don't shine a bright light.

 

 

Fighting with my mind.

Every day I fight with my mind, it's a case of taking one day at a time.
Forty old years I have been fighting with my mind, which is near enough all my life.
I smile, I'm grateful for my life but it doesn't mean I'm always fine.
Now that I'm older I live with my feelings and emotions and try my best to accept the way life is.
At one time I would cry but now I don't do it like I used to.
No problem I have is going to get the better of me.

I know it's easy to say to others just get on with life  but I won't, I was there once and I haven't forgotten, I just now cope with it in a different way than I used to and never tell others how to cope. 

 

Dyspraxia
I could never do up my buttons.
I could never do up my laces.
I could never clean my teeth on how they should be cleaned.
My mouth is too small with too many teeth, food just gets everywhere it always has but I love it.
Exercise is hard to access when you have Dyspraxia.
I can't catch or throw a ball.
I couldn't even open a tin with a tin opener but then I discovered how to use the old-fashioned tin openers after.
I love going to the pub, I'm useless with money then I overspend.
I have never been very good at maths.
I am more can with English and words but I even get confused there because of my Dyslexia.

In a poem, I can express my disabilities in a poem better than I can to people.
I am more skills with my writing and raising learning disability awareness then everyday living skills. 

 

Bunny rabbit.

I have sticky out teeth.
I live in a hutch.
I eat carrots.
I can see it in the dark.
I get so bored inside my hutch that I run wild when I am out of it. 

 

confused there because of my Dyslexia.
In a poem, I can express my disabilities in a poem better than I can to people.
I am more skills with my writing and raising learning disability awareness then everyday living skills. 

 

THE INTERNET ISN’T THE ONLY RESEARCH.

 

There was once a time without the internet when we relied on books, newspapers, tv, etc now all that is put on the internet but still libraries, bookshops, etc.

Back in the day, there were no pcs, iPad, iPods, iPhones, mobile phones, tablets, etc.

It was just landlines, call boxes, etc, call boxes could either be a long or short walk.

IT has been a big change in society, it is when the young could never be without IT.

 The middle age has forgotten what it was like to be with IT.

 Most of the old could do with being with IT.

HIS LOSS, MY GAIN.

 

I kept my thoughts to myself, most people thought I was wrong to feel for him as I did, which they were right to think that, my mind and feelings were so blind so was love.

I should have walked away sooner, and I should not have had him back, but he cheated on me twice so his loss my gain.

Now he is well out my life I feel nothing for him at all now I love someone new.

Now I am well over him.

I saw the light at the end of the tunnel in the end and now at last everything has come to light.

Loneliness has passed my cloud when I felt sad when seeing couples hand in hand.

Now love has found me again with someone new, he is twice the man he will ever be, even though I spent years having lost faith and trust.

 

 

STATE OF MIND.

 

If you ask me what I think I will tell you, I will never tell you if you do not ask me.

We all have our own minds when it comes to feeling whether we are right or wrong.

Therefore, I will not judge you, which I will not anyway.

I know what it feels like, I have been there myself.

I used to think I would live my life in sin in fear of getting hurt again.

Love can be so blind to loving someone who is not right for you, I went through that fear long after my last relationship ended now a new one begins.

I had faith and trust in no one.

I’ve so happy now that I have forgotten how unhappy I was but then not therefore I understand what it is like to those who are facing like what I faced.

Without poetry and counseling I believe I would not have got through what I did.

Now I have moved forward and loving someone so much better than who I had before.

So far away or not at all.

 

Never judge what you do not know.

Things are not the same for everyone.

I went from seeing darkness, lightness then brightness.

Now the future is moving forward into the light and the bright.

I am amazed I have moved forward at all; I saw the light from the dark and now it is bright.

We both feel the same way for one another, he is so much better than the other was.

 

Behind the mask.

 

We are not completely round the behind, we are not all black and white, and we are not completely sad.

Depression is a feeling inside of us, with the sound of the word it is too easy to think we are someone we are not so do not judge a book by its cover.

Depression is up as well as down feelings, we are not all negative, we are who and what we are in order to manage our Depression.

We laugh and smile as well as the opposite.

How we feel inside does not always show but we are not living lies, we just do not want to be the center of attention or a burndown to others.

This can vary from person to person though, which can be overly concerning.

Little can be shown, and more can be hidden, which can be genuinely concerning.

 

You can have the greatest life in the world but not the happiest life in the world but doesn’t make you ungrateful, it’s just a feeling that’s apart of you in most people with or without a reason, others with a reason and others without.

 

You can be the happiest person but also have the hardest and saddest life, what is shown outside is not always necessary behind closed doors or and behind the mask.   

My name is Mr. Ape.

 

My name is Mr. Ape.

I eat plenty of grapes on a plate.

After I go for a swim in a lake.

 

I am a bird.

I am a bird I have two legs and two feet.

I build my own nest at my best for me and babies to rest.

I wake up at 4.00am in the spring as mornings are dawning.

I also wake on summer mornings when it is hot.

I sleep in the wintertime when it is cold.

I may come out at Christmas time in the cold, I am red and white.

I may even sing all day long before I lay my head on my nest and sleep all night long.

I could be any animal that flies from a bird to duck and who lays eggs in a nest.

 

I am Mr. Cat.

 

I am Mr. Cat who is very black.

I lay on my mat.

Touch me and I should give you good luck.

I wait outside your door in hopes you will let me in.

I come inside your house if you let me.

 

I am Mr dog.

I am Mr dog with fluffy fur.

I am a family and a friendly dog.

I love playing with you all.

I love going out for walks running across the parks.

I am a happy dog, woof woof.

I cannot stand wearing a lead, but I have to wear one going to the park, once I get to the park, I am free.

I am a country and park dog.

When on the lead I pull everywhere I go because I hate being on the lead.

I will protect you from strangers.

 

  Mr. Elephant.

I have a big trunk.

I have exceptionally long feet.

You can ride me on my back.

When I lye down and go to sleep I enjoy the hot sun.

 

I am a frog.

 

I look rather bright and green if you know what I mean.

I never see a frog through the fog, not even me, it is far too cold for us frogs when there is fog.

We are sleeping where it is nice and warm.

You will see us through the sunshine and the pouring where we can sunbathe, swim and keep cool.

 

I am Mr Giraffe.

I have a very thin face.

I have exceptionally large feet.

I have pointed ears and a long neck.

I have very brown patches.

I have very narrow feet and legs.

 

I am Mr. Horse.

I am Mr. Horse of course.

My ears prick forward when I am happy and back when I am sad.

You feed me with hay and give me water.

You muck my stable out.

You clean my tack.

You groom me.

You ride on my back.