Friday, 7 August 2020

Sara's poetry page 4

 

Chocolate and love.

Any food is a passion if you love it.

Chocolate

Curry and more at the time it is all so much fun.

Too much makes you need the loo every five minutes.

Cannot get enough of chocolate, gives you a headache and makes you go dizzy if you eat too much and it is bad for your teeth.

The drink gives you a hangover and makes you feel sick the next day.

 

ALL WHO AND WHAT I loved did not love me.

All who and what I loved at different times of life who did not love me.

When they had too much to drink, they could never get enough of me.

 

With no drink they did not want to know me.

Most men there were no, please them, once they got what they wanted it was the end of me and them but in the end, I learned not every single one of them is the same.

I have kissed so many frogs met my handsome prince but not kissed him yet but it will be worth the wait however long it takes. 

Most things you love aren't good for you.

Sugar and sweets bad for your teeth.
Spice can give you the wind, which can smell everything and everybody away from you.
Time to go to the loo.
I hate going to the dentist as they poke around in your teeth and mouth.
I love a fried breakfast on a Saturday morning after a skin fall of drinks on a Friday night.
Too much of what you love does you no good.

 

Barbecue

I see Barbecue bangers on sticks, taste and smell so good.
I feel the hot sun tanning my back.
Now I feel the burning my back I need some cream to cool it down.

 

Winter and hot meals.

When the cold days and nights are upon us.
There's nothing warmer and tasty than faggots, mushy peas, and a pint of beer.
It is so hard finding the best meal deals.

 

Month watering.

What am I in a mood to eat today?
I wish the weather were sunny and hot.
I wish I could go to a Bada cue with bangers on sticks and mouth-watering barbecue sauce.

 

Face the truth.

Friendship is best or nothing at all.
If we love again we'll hurt one all over again.
I don't know about you but I am too old to take any more.
We must face the truth, we can't fall out if we aren't lovers.
Remember you broke my heart, I had to go along with what you wanted.
Now it's my turn to walk away but I am never coming back only as a friend.
If you can't take that you'll never see me again.

If only I knew that one day my pain would come back on you, what you caused me.
At the time I felt as if I had no future and my whole world was broken.
I never thought my life would be better without you. How wrong was I to think I could never live without you, I felt so alone?

Now it's far too late for you, I am not going to let you hurt me anymore.
I am not spending the rest of my life wondering whether or not you're in or out of my life.

In fact, I don't think you loved me at all, I believe you still don't, you only love me because you know I don't love you anymore.
If I still loved you wouldn't have loved me.
I know we have both been there before.
I had to leave for that mouth because the stress was 

getting far too much.
Before long I stopped loving bad news for you and good news for me.
I never thought I would have ever stopped loving because I loved you for so long.

One day you will meet someone who you will love ten times more than you loved me.
She won't be able to stand for what I stood for.
If you walk all over her she'd be out your life as a flash for good then you will really know what pain is.

To think I was scared of losing you for good after you hurt me so bad.
Now I realize that I am better off without you or we are better off been just been, friends.

I understand that this year has been taught for you with everything happening all at once but sadly everyone goes through death at some time, you aren't 
alone.

Moving on is hard I know, you need to make a life for yourself or end up a lonely old man.

You soon moved on when you left me and went out with someone else, didn't you?
I was the one who found it hard to move on but not anymore.
I am having a happier life without you if not better. 

alone.
Moving on is hard I know, you need to make a life for yourself or end up a lonely old man.

You soon moved on when you left me and went out with someone else, didn't you?
I was the one who found it hard to move on but not anymore.
I am having a happier life without you if not better. 


 

What happened?

You were so sweet when I first met you, I thought butter wouldn't melt in your mouth.
Nothing and no one could take me away from you.
Then you weren't the man I thought you were.
You broke my heart when you left me for someone else.
My feelings carried on the same nothing stopped me from feeling love for you.
13 and a half years on and off I stuck out until I had enough.
Sorry I couldn't take more pain than you were giving me. 

 

I can do no more.

The truth hurts so it should.

I can do no more.

You had the chance with romance, but you did not want it when it was there for you.

I am not going along with your games anymore; I am done with you.

You said you will never have anyone else in your life now, that is not my problem and you were not saying that when I wanted you.

One day you will love someone ten times than you loved me, but she will not love as strongly as I did.

She will not stand for as much as I did then you will hurt like I was when you hurt because you will love her so much like I used to love you so much, now wonder why I ever did.

I must have been soft as brush and completely of my mind to put up with you as long as I did.

I cannot believe it took me so long to walk away from you after you cheated on me twice, no more chances ever now.

I'm alone, not alone.

Loneliness is my friend who doesn't reply back when been spoken to.
Loneliness is my home.
If I want a reply to what I say I'm out and about.
Nighttime is the time when I'm out even if people don't speak to me.
Life carries on without you even though I love you so 
much.

When I'm out I don't if and when I see you again but seeing little of you suits me fine.
My bed is calling and waiting for me at the end of the night or the morning light.
Loneliness is waiting for me yet again therefore no one knows my private thoughts about me and you other than me and you.
When I can't sleep I think about you.
When I sleep I have deep dreams about you.
If I sleep at all woken by heavy traffic and very strong winds, how very strange?
I'm not alone to be alone. 

 

much.
When I'm out I don't if and when I see you again but seeing little of you suits me fine.
My bed is calling and waiting for me at the end of the night or the morning light.
Loneliness is waiting for me yet again therefore no one knows my private thoughts about me and you other than me and you.
When I can't sleep I think about you.
When I sleep I have deep dreams about you.
If I sleep at all woken by heavy traffic and very strong winds, how very strange?
I'm not alone to be alone. 


Change of seasons.

There's no longer a long winter.

There's no longer a long summer.
The weather has a mind of its own at any time all year round.

Paint a picture of an ideal world.
The sky.
The sun.
The sea.
The sand.
The trees.
The gardens.
So the list goes on.

No winter is winter in the winter time, it's winter when it wants to be.
The snowman for children is now a fairy tale dream. 

Wem please sounds like Wembley.

I have never written a poem, short story, novel or play on the train.

I was traveling from Newtown Powys Wales in the mid to late 80s.

My memory has been that many times throughout my life I caught the wrong well almost the wrong train.

Once I nearly went to Wembley when I should have gone to Wem.

The ticket collector said

" Off to Wembley."

"No, I'm off to Wem."

He laughed but I was only 17 and scared.

I was just in a world of my own still relieving on the rest of the world.

"No worries, you can get off at Shrewsbury." he said

" Who ordered the ticket?" he asked

 

" My tutor." I said

I tried to work out what must have happened, I thought about it.

A lot of people on the train stared at me as if I was mad as I started to laugh.

Wem please sounds like Wembley.

When got off the train to meet my Mother 
Shrewsbury, she said.


" I've been waiting half an hour for you at Wem station.

When I told her the reason her feelings were mixed with worrying about me and the funny side of Wem been mistaken for Wembley. 

Disability, Bullying, and Hate Crime.

We are seen but not heard.
It's hard to believe if you don't see it.
It's hard to know what's happened when you’re not there.
People with learning dis a Billi ties find it hard to make ourselves understood.
We can't help the way we are.

Most things are hard to talk about it can be hard to get things off our minds.
It can be hard to get Hate Crime off our minds.
People who do Hate Crime should get a lifetime.
Most people who bully as children do Hate Crime as adults.
Most people today get away with bullying and Hate Crime because the law lets them.
There used to be a time that children were taught to learn right from wrong.
People who bully and do Hate Crime get away with it forever or for a long time.

Just because people don't see us get hurt it doesn't mean we don't.


You see some of us can't stand up for ourselves.
Not many of us can stand up for ourselves.
Those of us who do manage to stand up for ourselves get is misunderstood for the bullies.
The world thinks we are bullies instead of victims.
People who bully and or do hate crime don't always get found out.


 Strange.


The world dull no one knows no one.

People are there but no one is there.
No one believes anyone.
No one trusts one another because no one knows no one.
No one knows what to say to anyone.
Everyone is scared of one another because it's hard to trust one another.
Not enough love for one another anymore.
The world was once a world everyone knew everyone 
now no one knows no one.

No one knows what to say so no one says nothing but we are so scared of one another.
The world is quiet but noise with shouting and crime.
The world feels strange yet it shouldn't feel strange feeling strange these days.
The way the world is going these days it will get strangers all the time.
Not enough punishment.
Not enough respect.
Not enough manners.
There was a time that the bad was very few and far between.
There was never a perfect was and will be a perfect but not as bad as this.
It makes it hard to believe that it will get better but never put a guest on anything the world isn't all black and white.

 

now no one knows no one.
No one knows what to say so no one says nothing but we are so scared of one another.
The world is quiet but noise with shouting and crime.
The world feels strange yet it shouldn't feel strange feeling strange these days.
The way the world is going these days it will get strangers all the time.
Not enough punishment.
Not enough respect.
Not enough manners.
There was a time that the bad was very few and far between.
There was never a perfect was and will be a perfect but not as bad as this.
It makes it hard to believe that it will get better but never put a guest on anything the world isn't all black and white.


You left me in darkness.

You left me in darkness.
You left me alone.
Every leaf blew off the tree after you had gone.
I blew you away without meaning to I thought but we should have stayed away from one another.
The heartache I had before you I took out on you.
I shouldn't have worried about other people's heartaches then it wouldn't have gone on to us.
I only should have thought about you and me.
I drove you away then you came back to me.
I tried my best to keep us together again.
I suddenly realized I was with a guy who didn't know who and what he wanted in his life.
Walking away wasn't an easy thing to do when I loved you so much.
I knew I had to make that move because you were 

 

breaking my heart.
I knew you were playing games with my mind.
What did I do wrong last time?
It was good thinking anything was going to change because you would keep changing your mind forever.
You didn't love me or hate me, you just wanted to mess up my mind.
It was no use carrying on because we were just hurting one another.
I still care about you but everything I touch I seem to break.

It doesn't seem what it feels.

It seems like darkness with no brightness.
It seems as if love isn't going to happen.
Yet I feel so much love towards you.
I'm missing you so much.
Giving up on you seems and feels very hard for me to do.
Days and nights without you seem as if I'm never going to see you again.
It's a lonely world without you but nothing and no one can take away how I feel about you.
Every day and night my feelings are too strong to let go.


When I see you.

When I see you on video chat you brighten up my world.

You make my every day and night with bright lights.

Your smile shines so brightly.

You take away the dark, the dull and grey.

I love you so much, I could never give you up.

I am looking forward to the day I can get close to you.

I once never even thought of loving you but now that I do, nothing and no one can take me away from you.

I have so much love inside me for you.

Let us say what is on one’s mind.

 

I will never leave you like others have left me.

My longest lover left me twice for others, but he is no way more, it is so his loss.

The future is you and me.

None of us are getting any younger but we are there for one another.

Never thought I would meet anyone again or for a long time.

It was so unexpected because neither us for were looking for anyone or one another.

You are my lover and best friend right to the end.

The wind is blowing so loud.

The wind is blowing so loud I can't hear a thing.
I know there's a lot of sounds are going on around me.
Now the wind is so strong it's making me fly up into the air.
Now the wind is strong it's bringing me down to the ground.
Now I'm blowing in the air as my hair is sticking up on end.
I have no control over the wind as I'm blowing up and down like a Jack in the box.

I'd love to see myself as Mary Poppins.

Give me a broomstick so I can fly so high up to the sky.

Take me up to heaven for me to look down to say goodbye to earth.
In heaven, I could be happy and high.
Give me a lollypop stick so I can jump up and down from heaven to earth like a Jack in the box.
I will fly around in the sky such a high with my kite on windy days and nights.
I will swim around the sky when it rains.
Oh yes those will be the days that will never ever end.
Am I thinking about Mary Hopkins or Mary Poppins.

There used to be happy days on earth but not anymore.

 


I love the sea.

I love the beach.

The deep blue sea.

The beach is a romantic place to be.

Yellow sand for children to build sandcastles.

Love to see the yellow sun that shines on me.

The waves of Margate sea on the beach rushing loudly as the tide goes in and out.

Beautiful yellow sunny blue skies.

The seagulls flying speaking in a way we human do not understand.

Even when the weather was beautiful, sunny and the sky was blue, it was blowing hot and cool breeze as the sea crashed into cliffs and rocks.

The seagulls were flying shrieking very quickly as the sun and breeze change from hot to cold.

The seagulls were making a very angrily nose as children shouting, screaming, laughing, and crying as they were building sandcastles in the sands.

The rides were too fast on the dreamland fairgrounds, which felt like being on a roller coaster.

Never eat candy floss before a ride as you may feel dizzy and sick.

The smell of fish and chips you could not miss.

Dull moon.

 

I know it was dull from the start for us, it was a dull moon.

Now we must believe in the stars.

Times are hard through this lockdown, but it will be worth it when the time comes to see one another as the lockdown lifts a bit more.

Mirror on the wall.

 

This house is and had its day the doors coming off its hinges, movements happen whether it is a windy day or not.

Everything is falling off the shelves, services, and dressing tablets without any reasons or and warnings.

Someone who is not here is where there is nothing and no one to move about but moving around is going on, how odd can this be?

Everything is moving when it is not, I am thinking this place is haunted.

I hear a smash for no reason or warning as the mirror falls off the wall.

This would not bring me seven years bad luck would it as the mirror fell off the wall on its own, as it smashes?  

Storms.

I was woken by the wild wind singing blowing a storm.

The noise of the rain and the trees seem to be a big thing with these December to January storms.

Now snow turns into rain that does not stick.

It seems as if long hot summers have gone.

The weather seems to have a mind of its own.

A mind of most human beings.

There are not as many stars at night as there used to be.

The meaning of poetry is meaningful words.

Most people find poetry boring; it can be the meaning truth if the poet makes it to be but that depends on the subjects on the poets choose and what the readers like which is not known by the poet.

One would say poets should read minds, this not possible when they do not the readers who are reading their work same with other writers too.

We can talk and write forever.



Meaning of writing.

From time to time the teacher hit me with a ruler for missing a line between the date and title in handwriting.

The school led me to believe I was thick because I was finding it hard to understand what they were teaching me.

In the end, I wrote a few lines that seemed to rhyme but some did not.

The writer. 

So many words are better off said from paper.

Yet nothing seems to make sense in my head or writing anything done.

My pen cannot write fast enough to my mind.

Maybe I am saying more than I should.

Depression

 

Feeling sad with or without a reason.

Unknown how we are going to feel one minute, second, hour, day, week, month, and year to the next.

When you speak, listen, read, and write, the world seems black and white.

Yet we know the world is not black and white.

When one’s emotions can go from one to the other.

Not all of us can get good and bad days.

We feel up and down in our way.

It is not to understand life.

In the end, it is too easy to make life hard for one another and ourselves without meaning to.

No one can say how long we are going to feel down if and when we do. 


Words.

 

Words are something that come from the mind from pen to paper then the keyboard on the computer or typewriter.

No thoughts, no talent just writing what comes to mind.

There is no communication or understanding, just making a note of one’s mind.

What are written words count on the word processor?

Writing is to write until you can think no more.

You cannot think and write forever but think and write until your mind goes into a block.

Whatever your thinking, get it down on paper before whatever it slips into one’s mind.


Everyone has words and every word counts.

The ink is running out of my pen.

Thoughts are still coming out of my mind.

You do not need to be special or famous, you just need words to write.

Just write what you are thinking then it is done.

Do not think what is going to happen when it is done just write it down just in case it goes out your mind.

Stand up to those who will not give you a chance in life.

Show them you are you. 


I lost my words, but I am making them up again.

 

I lost my words and my mind is now elsewhere.

Now I am back to tell a thousand words more before stopping.

It is not chasing fame and money; it is about interest in what is going through my mind?

When thoughts come through my mind there is no stopping with words.

The thoughts that go through your mind when you read words.

Everyone has a book in mind, and everyone gets ideas of reading books from others.


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