Memories.

Frozen

The winter is frozen cold without your love.
Even though you saw me on my birthday, it was still not easy to see you again after the text message before my birthday.
Since then my world has been empty without you.
On the night of my birthday I didn't know what to say to you as I froze.
Although I faced you, I felt hurt inside, even though you told me the reason why.
Even now my feelings towards you are still here my dear.
I want to accept what you want; I don't want to give you a hard time.
The hardest thing for me is to get you off my mind. 5.11.2012

Now what?

How can I forget you when I know I should?
If only I knew how you felt about me.
If only I knew how you'd react to my poems.
Were both of us just a dream, if not why can't I get you out of my head?
Nothing seems to be happening now.
Was I just reading things when I read your text or was I just having a nightmare?
Something doesn't feel right inside of me.
Why do I feel so empty inside?
Nothing seems the same anymore, 5.11.2012

How did you feel about me?

How did you feel about me in the beginning?

 Was it different to how you feel now?
If only I didn't still love you like I do.
In time I will get through this just like I have had with others in my past life; it will just take its own time to get used to you not being my anymore.
Both of us have gone through this pain alone.
Not really me when I can turn to my pen, paper, computer and poetry. 6.11.2012

I feel so low.

I feel so low and empty without you.
How did I meet you?
How did I fall for you?
How did I get myself in this state?
Why did I build up my hopes that you were the one for me?
I remember I was going through with heartache with someone else when I first met you.

Now feel the same now as I did then.
It never seems to end.
I don't want anyone but you.
Now I have tell myself that in time I will meet someone new just as I had to when I broke up with all the other lovers.
This is hard to believe to how I feel now, 6.11.2012

Percy Bysshe Shelly.

Shelly who loved the water yet he married Mary Shelly who wrote Frankincense.
It's hard to think about Frankincense coming out of water.
How strange to know that Shelly ended his life drowning in water yet his body was burned underground with his ashes all over him.
May be Shelly's body may have gone to sea with his wife Mary if she didn't lie next to Frankincense. 9.12.2012

Time is passing by.

When I look at the world everyone is in love but not everyone.
Now I realise I'm like a ticking clock tricking so fast years are racing by yet I try not to wait for things to happen because they take too long.
It's easy to understand why every middle age person feels alone.
It's too easy to think this is the end of you when it's not.
It's too easy to feel alone when the world is full of young love.
You're never too old, you just forget that you were young in love once but never thought about the older ones alone.
The future is hard to see but your life isn't over yet, it just taken longer to mend when broken like it used to. 9.12.2012

When everyone knows.

When everyone knows nothing and no one is your own.
They think you only care about yourself, which is not true.
This can make you so misunderstood.
When everyone knows everything of yours nothing and no one is your own, it's there for everyone and everything.
We should all have rights to have something or someone our own. 9. 12.2012

 A brave face.

Step into the world to show them your there.
Show them no fear even though you may have fear.
You are more than a stranger to them what they think.
You may worry more than you should.
The world may seem even worse than what it is.
Once you have taken one step you can take another one.
Nothing lost there's nothing gained.
Many things happen for the right reasons even they seem wrong. 9.12.2012

Failed love.

You may have given me pain but I gave you all the love I could.
The pain you gave me made me a stronger person in the end.
Never judge what you don't know.
You may have known me a long time but you don't know everything about me.
When the door is open is what you see of me, when it's closed the only person who knows me I am me. 9.12.12

When I was awake I was asleep.

The voices I heard were shouting at me to wake me up as I was in my own world.
I think I was been asked questions that I didn't know the answers to.
The teachers wrote so much jargon on the board in school.
It seemed as if I never paid a great attention with the world around me.
This is why I didn’t learn anything in school.

There was nothing at all.
They moved my table and chair to the end of the class.
Let kids laugh at me and bullying was hell outside on the playground.

They made me feel so thick and small that they all called me thick.
For all the tablets I took, if I were still taking them my adulthood would have been destroyed as well as my childhood.
Now kids and teachers I'm not the person I was, I've learned more since I left school.
In school I learned nothing at all. 9.12.12

Why did you?

Why did you play with my mind?
Why did you make me cry?
You knew I told you I loved you this is why you played with my feelings.
Now things have turned the other way round.
The only difference is that I mean what I say.
I don't feel the same towards you like I used to.
Your loss you never loved me when I did love you.
You only pretend to love me to keep me happy.
I can't believe I lived 13 and half years with a lie.
Why should I care how you feel anymore because you never cared about my feelings when I had feelings for you? 9.12.12

Feelings.

I meant everything I said babe.

May be I said what I said at the wrong time.

If you didn't mean it then I guess I have to move on again.

I know I got upset beforehand but things in my life have been a bit much latterly not your fault.

I bet you are wonder why I have written this poem about you.

I bet you wonder why I feel this way all of sudden, I like you for you.

I guess it’s feelings I can’t control even though I don’t show them to you.

Sorry this is so sudden for you; it's so sudden for me now to feel this way about someone at this point.

Out of all poems I have written it’s not easy to write this poem.

I may have to write a few poems to get to my point.

Saying how I feel is not easy otherwise I wouldn’t have written this poem.

I have written this poem because I didn’t want to show you up in front of people in the pub.
I having to tell you how I feel last tonight wasn’t easy.

I just hoping that you feel the same way tomorrow as tonight.12.12.12

It may be not as bad as what I think.

May be I am worrying about nothing.

 I don't want to risk losing the friendship I have got with you.

I've tried so hard to block you out my mind but it's no good.

 I'm hoping that I won’t find myself telling you one day.

 I must learn to accept it as friendship again.
If there's someone already special in your life, sorry if I have made life so hard for you.
Despite of the way I feel about you, I must cope with it because I respect you so much. 12.12.12

This is not easy to say.
I bet you will be more than shock if you read this poem.

There's no easy way to tell you.

I want to tell you because of the way I feel about you.

I don’t want to tell you because I don’t want to make life hard for you.
I never thought I'd feel like this towards to you mainly in such a short length of time.

 I feel so silly because I don't know you very well.

I can’t bring myself to tell you how I feel because you may not want to speak to me and again if I do.  12.12.12

THIS IS THE NEW CHAPTER IN THE BOOK.

This is a new chapter in the book.
This new chapter is now it's just the beginning for us.
Now our life has just begun.
The future is unknown.
Everything is far too soon to say.
I have spent days writing this poem in my mind but on paper the words don't seem to come out right.
I only hope we feel the same way as we do when we meet.
Butterflies are flying in my stomach and my nevus is on edge

I don’t want to force anything that's not meant to be.

 I am so looking forward to meeting you.
I'm amazed just by taking to you online how my feelings have grown for you and your feelings towards me.
Only time will tell us if our future it is meant to be or not.

Let our friendship grow and let’s not rush into things. 7.4.2013

Friendship.

Live in hope that we have friendship always no matter what happens.
It's just very lucky if we do grow to more than just friendship.
It's far too soon to know what will become of us.
Feelings are hard to control but we both need to be sure what we both want.
It's far too soon to know even though our feelings are there for one another.

Friendship can be hard to keep without it growing into more.
I like many other people have had broken relationships through falling for someone far too soon.
We can only do our best to take our time but never hate one another.
Feelings can be very mixed up with not knowing what's going to happen. 9.4.2013

  

 Yes I do want to see you again.

Yes I do want to see you again whatever happens.
I like and care about you as a person.
Like you as person, it's the same with me many people look at my disabilities not the person I am.
It's like no one seems to see the good in us as if they have weaknesses but we are strong too.
Our weaknesses are different to them but we are stronger than them in different ways they are stronger than us.
Only time will tell how you and I will end up.
Whatever goes on between you and me there's no need for any hate to happen between us.
Just take our time whatever happens, when anything happens, if anything happens.
In the mean time enjoy chatting 2 one another online, text, phone and email.
This will give us more time to get to know one another.

   Take every day as it comes.
It's better to have someone in some way than no one at all. 11.4.2013

  

 Life goes on.

For a time I was lost and I felt alone after loving someone for so long.
It’s hard to believe I was on my own for nearly 6 years.
Been alone wasn't the reason for starting to chat to you, I tried not to look for love at all.
Friendship was all I thought it would be but I was surprised to see you and me are to be.
Everyone saw me carrying on as if nothing happened but underneath I was hurt.
I must carry on thinking that I have a new life with you now.
It takes so long to use to a new way of life.
I used to feel hurt a lot but not anymore.
It's seemed so long I felt hurt it was as if nothing was going to change.
I never thought I was going to get better. 11.4.2013

Can't sleep.

     Can't sleep with you on my mind unknown to how both of us or either one of us is going to feel when we meet.
Even though we have enjoyed one another's company online, we still have a lot to find out about one another.
It can still take time to know how we feel for one another face to face.
Very early days only time will tell.
I try to control my feelings and see it at this early stage of friendship but my feelings are growing far too fast.
The way I feel about you now is too much to bear.
Even though we are meeting today, how will we feel tomorrow?
It's far too soon to know and say.
By just chatting online it's far too easy to think that our friendship has grown.
It will be interesting to know what it will be like when we meet. 9.4.2013

If only I knew.

If only I knew what you’re thinking now.
If only I knew what's going to happen when we meet today.
No second of this morning can come quickly enough.
Nothing comes quick enough when you’re waiting for it to happen.
I must be patience let time come round slowly hopefully it will be worth the wait of the date. 9.4.2013

How do you feel now?

The feelings are there still from before we met.
I am just taking my time to get to know you and to be honest with you.
I wouldn't string you along, if I say anything I will be honest what I say.
More time we take the more it will be worthwhile.
It will only happen if and when it's right and meant to be.
You have as much right as anyone to live the same life as everyone. You need honestly in someone who is making sure of herself and how she feels, which is what she's going to do.
No saying hello one day then goodbye the next.
With me I am straight down the line it's either hello or goodbye all the way. 11.4.2013