Mental health poems.

About these poems.

Sorry to bring such a negative subject but this shows how some people can become more sensitive and emotional to certain situations than others. I will be honest to say that it’s hard to explain that part my life now as I don’t feel as I did then anymore yet I find it hard now to understand how and why I felt as I did. How silly it is that one person can turn your world upside down and inside out yet years later it’s like it was all one big long nightmare. For some mad reason I made a very big mistake falling in love with this man yet I must have been completely mad to have let me walk over me like a door. I have had to learn that I am the first and last to have made huge mistakes like this. He was strangely a huge cause on my mental health as far my Anxiety and Depression was certain at the time without me realizing.

One things is I believe that poetry is my life saver without it I feels as if I wouldn’t have made it as mad as it sounds but maybe I would got through it somehow. I thank myself lucky to be to tell my true tale my own words because even in that situation everybody is.

I believe in the end I gave this man a taste of his own poison. I am not a person who believes in revenge but to how he made my life it was completely necessary. As much as a big mistake it was it taught a big life’s lesson in the end without me realizing it was going to in the end. Believe me as you may guess I had no idea what was coming to me, he was close to turning me over the edge but I’m glad I didn’t let him in the end.

I used to love him too much and I thought I could never do without him.

  Now I don’t want him anywhere near me.

Where I went wrong was I should have walked away years before I did then it took a lot of years to get through it.

I put my head in the sand.

No one seems to agree with the way that thinking.

When it comes to love I always make the wrong chooses with who I fall in love with.

Everywhere I go people look at me strange, I stare at them back as if to say it’s my choice and my life.

Now I have got to the stage of saying nothing at all because I am fed up of people making my choices for even though I haven’t make made right choices. 
My head is in between hands I may not make the right choices in my life.

There seems to be no where forward to me feeling any different to the way that I do.

I can’t seem to help who I feel or and full in love with.

I feel as if there’s no ended to this sadness.

As if I am travelling on a train through a never ending dark tunnel.

There seems to be no end to this sadness and darkness.
There must be an end at the end of this dark tunnel somewhere.
Turn on the light please or is there no light?
I am scared of the present and the future.
I feel very lonely and very sad.
A lot of frights and fears are inside my mind. 1997

Trying to move forward.

Every time I tell people my thoughts it does my choices are wrong in their option.

It’s not about their live it’s about my life.

 I think I should live day to day, wait and see what happens.

I can’t please everyone so I should please myself.

There’s no right and wrong in this life only where you feelings take.

Only if those feelings aren’t there anymore therefore in the time you had those feelings you made the wrong choices.
I understand people are only protecting me from getting hurt but my feelings have control over me, can't they see?
If only I could love without being blind.
I may as well do what I want and let people talk all they like.
One thing I feel like is living my life in sin.

There’s no man that seems to be right for me.

 I do not seem to be right for them. 1997.

Men I thought I loved and lost.

There was once a lad I thought I had.
He was so charming at the time I thought he was the man.
He was such a bad lad, I must have been mad.
In the end he made me so sad.
When he was not in my life anymore I was gland.
He was such a Jack the lad, he went after so many girls with so many curls.
He put his untrue charm that didn't get him very far.
He lied to me; he told me he had a flash car that also didn't get him very far.
His name was Preen, who pretended to been keen.
He wasn't keen, he was mean.
He's a loser, who doesn't give a dam about any woman only having their money off them.
He was a con man and woman beater, user and abuser.
We talk about the man, gentleman and mouse, Preen wasn't either of them Preen was an evil rat!
He would sleep with girls, frightened them and give them fear of other men.
He would talk about their private life; he would break other relationships with a knife.
He gave me so much fear for many years in the relationship I had after, I am only just starting to trust now. 1997 - 2009

The story carries on.

I was on my own for six months after me and Preen finished, I never thought I'd love again.
I regret ever knowing him let alone going with him.
My next lover was alright but even though I loved him I had a job to trust him which drove him to another woman in the end.
I said to myself for a long time to be friends with someone and see how it goes.
I want someone who will get me over my fright and fear after all those years.
Did you get me through this dear?
No you didn't I got over it myself somehow.
I want someone who understands my problems, someone who has been there himself.
Now I have long come terms with what Steven Preen put me through but it took good many years to get over that.
He once loved me no he didn't it was a silly nightmare of mine.
I wanted someone who cared about me and who could help me come out of my problems.
My partner after Steven coped with it for a while then he could not stand anymore and then he came back to then now it's clashed for good. Written 1997 - 2009.

 It’s hard to keep it quiet that I love you.

It's very hard to keep it quiet that I love you.
There are times I feel happy.
There are times I feel sad.
That depends on whether things are good or bad.
It's hard to love someone else after loving you so long.
Now I am upset more.
Don't get me wrong, I must tell myself that it's not the end of my life.
You did not have to love me for life.
Why does love and loneliness cause so much pain?
I understand now that I don't have to have a lover I can just have a good friend.
It's hard to explain, you can't live without love but you can't live with it either.
Whatever you do, do what makes you happy.
One thing I have learned in life, whatever it is if you sussed try and try again but if someone lets you down in love and friendship, it's not going to work, I know I have had the pain more than once. Written 1997 – 2001

Please make my day.

Please make my day by coming back to me.
You have pleased me in a lot of ways before.
I hope I have pleased you before: whether you have or not I am pleased to be your girl.
You pleased for the kind of gentleman you were but what's happened to you now?
You will please me even more if you give me a surprise knocking at door.
I wish you will love me forever more.
Please write me a letter!
Please give me a call?
Please at least ask how I am?
This is too much for a woman to ask a man.
Why have you destroyed my heart and leave me so sad and blue?
You played into me because you knew I loved you and you know I still do.
It's so hard to believe what life would be without you, mainly when I am alone and you are with her.
If you don't want me, why can't you see sense and see someone better than her, it does not have to be me. 1997

You are messing me about.

Why don't you try again my boy, you’re not good at picking women are you?
What have I done wrong, other than finding it hard to fight the problems from my last lover before you?
Why do old relationships spoil it for new relationships?
Pain just takes ages to go.
OK I had one affair, you know he got me drunk and got me where he wanted me.

I woke up the next morning wondering where I was.

As soon as I found I wasn’t with you I knew I needed to tell you when I saw you no matter what the pain.
Sorry to say you are to blame for making as many mistakes.

At least my affair I wouldn’t have wanted to carry on seeing you if I was to have gone on seeing him like you were seeing her.
Why do we keep on hurting one another more than loving one another?
Sorry I did not mean to hurt you, I understand why you are getting your own back on me.

I have my faults just like everyone but one big mistake I made you treated me as if I made doze big mistakes yet you hurt me more badly than I hurt you.

If I hurt you that badly why do you on love me again but then I am the same with you.

Hopefully one day there will be an end to this love and hate relationship, this can’t go on forever yet it can go until both of us have no love for each other.
I did not mean to make you so sad and blue but you make me feel that way too, it’s only true.  1997.

I never want to love again.

I never want to love again.
I just know if I love again I will get hurt again; it will make me worse again.
Who knows what I will do next, I don't know myself.
I don't want to live on this planet with loneliness; I have had enough of this life I do not want to live anymore.
This is the end of love and life; I have had too much pain to bear.
If I get hurt it will get worse I will go round the bend.
It's no good me living for someone I love who does not love me.
I don't know how to love more.
May be I should know I did not know how to love, I thought I knew how to love.
May be I will never ever know how to love, without falling in love too easy.

My heart does not feel and fear love, my heart feels and fears pain.
When I was a younger girl, my heart used to feel love, because I never knew or understood that love can end.
I am just frightened of feeling pain myself, I do not want to hurt another man and I don't want to get hurt myself.  Winter 1996 - 1997.

I treasure only one history love I had.

He is just a poor confused man who does not know what he wants in life.
He is a gentle, loving and caring gentleman.
He gave and took the best he could.
I am more grateful with what he had done for me in two and a half years.

He used to be a romantic wild red rose so now that's the best he goes.
Flowers on every birthday card he send me he chose.
He used to make me feel like the lady of his life.
I loved his smile that made my love for him worthwhile.
He used to be a very wise man.
He gave me so much love that I can't believe that anyone else could replace.
The love I had for him I treasure by my lonely heart.
I know life is life but I wish we were sharing love together in our hearts.

Now those days are over, my heart has to cope with happiness, laughter, joy sadness and tears.
Happy history is not forgotten to me, it's worth being alone until I can move on to love someone better, new and get rid of all the pain I am going through. Written 1997.

I am having a break down.

At times I feel a breaking down point.

Never take too much on that you can't cope with.
Never have anything to do so your life won't be full filled.

There's no such word as psychology when the human brain is hard to understand.
There are no real answers to why we think like we do.
Its worse when the mind is confused and when the person does not know what to do.

If there are no heads, there are no brains.
Brain is not a word: it's just inside the mind of one's head.
It just gives one a message to tell them what to say.
As human beings, we are not clever; we just say what our brains tell us to say which normally a load of rubbish anyway

I think I am having a nervous breakdown.
I feel like cracking up, I don't know what to do or where to turn.
I can't see what a head of me is.
Something or someone is pushing me over the edge.
What or and who could it be? 1997 – 2000. -12.6.2005

 On my own.

I am in my flat.
The clock is clicking slowly.
I can't wait to walk out the door.

I will soon be with my boyfriend or and my best friend.

Come home at night, I am back looking at the four walls.
I stop up listening to my music and I put my computer on then time for bed.
The same stars again tomorrow. December 2006

Love.

What is love all about?
Look for it you can't find it.
Don't look for it, its right there.
Once you feel love for someone and they do for you, it's hard to control.
It can go wrong and end in tears but still hard to control.
It can take long time to move on and love someone else.
You have to dust yourself up and start all over again.
It can become a risk loving, it can be very much being about trust.
You just take chances if it does not work keep moving on what will be will be.
Whatever good chance you get take it, those good chances don't have often. December 2006

Life does seem worth living.

Forget the rain and the clouds.
Forget the frost, fog, sleet and snow.
What about the green grass covered in daffodils?
What about a few green leaves on the trees?
What about being warm instead of cold?
What about the bright yellow sun in the deep blue sky?
If that was the case, may are we will be less depressed.
When Christmas is here life is a mess and come January, many people are in debt.
That's when life is not at its best. December 2006

I can fight this bad feeling whatever it is.

A bad feeling can happen whether there's a reason or not.
You can feel bad even when you know there's nothing to feel about bad about. You can feel as the world is looking at you and judging even if they are not.
You can feel alone even when you’re not.
You can feel worried even if you have nothing to worry about.
Stay strong which I know is easy to say, show the world despite of how you feel that you are alive.
You don't feel special but you are.
You feel like a bad person but you are a good person.
Of course things will get better even though it doesn't seem that way.

The good is out there somewhere it's just finding it.
It may not come for a long time to come but then quicker than you think
It will be better if your patient enough to wait.
I know the bad is too easy to fear but the good is hard to think.
I guess I just accept too much without meaning to.
I know it's not easy to believe in ourselves even though we should.
Yet if we believe in ourselves we can believe in others.
If we learn to love ourselves we can love others. 9/12/2012-20.2.2015

I can get through this.

The world is a rocky road but we can move forward if work hard enough.
I must not try to feel sorry for ourselves so often.
I can all fear loneliness even more when we get old.
Then old age isn't a problem I hope I get wiser.
We shouldn't rush ourselves. 9.12.2012

Too scared to talk.

Finding it say it hard to say what one thinks in case others judge.
It may not be nice but it may be the truth.
One can be scared of the truth in a good way as well as a bad but then the truth isn't always what we want heard then we do, it's no good living in a lie.
Not wanting to hurt the feelings of others.

     Not wanting to full out with others because they can’t agree with you and you can’t agree with them.

       Everyone has the rights of their own views.

      Not everyone gets along: not everyone gets along with one another.
Right or wrong you can't make feelings go away until feelings want to.
We all make mistakes but not all are mistakes.
It's what we say and do what matters: thinking is thoughts not words. 9. 12. 2012

Understanding people.

The only people who understand we is we.
Freedom is important we without knowing it we control one another.
We are looked at as strange from strangers as if we have masks to cover as faces.
We are looked at as if we are wrong all the while.
We are looked as if we are not human.
We looked at if we are nuts and out of our minds all the time.
There's a fear if we are watched all the time.
What we do and say isn’t wrong all the time.
People may fear in case they are misunderstood. 9.12.2012

 Hard to trust.

To be able to trust is to know that there's faith that no one will judge you for what you do and say.
To be able to not worry about what people think.
It should be easy to believe on ones' self and others. 9.12.2012

When I was awake I was asleep.

The voices I heard were shouting at me to wake me up as I was in my own world.
I think I was been asked questions that I didn't know the answers to.
The teachers wrote so much jargon on the board in school.
It seemed as if I never paid a great attention with the world around me.
This is why I didn’t learn anything in school.

      They moved my table and chair to the end of the class.
Let kids laugh at me and bullying was hell outside on the playground.
They made me feel so thick and small that they all called me thicko.
For all the tablets I took, if I were still taking them my adulthood would have been destroyed as well as my childhood.
Now kids and teachers I'm not the person I was, I've learned more since I left school.
In school I learned nothing at all. 9.12.12

It may not been as bad as what I think.

 It's not easy to feel good.

Why do we feel so bad?

 We may be very silly our minds may be playing tricks.

No matter how hard we try to control it, we can't help it whether are worrying over something or nothing.

When it's something some things can be hard to talk about others can be easy to talk about.

May be I am worrying about nothing.

 There can be so much fear of losing the good we have got.

I've tried so hard to block you out my mind but it's no good. 12.12.12

I'm finding it hard to trust you again.

I shouldn't have trusted you from the start.
I'm so glad I didn't marry you.
Even now I'm not sure whether or not you were cheating on me.
Even now it's hard to say whether or not you were unfaithful.
What makes me think this is that you were texting a lot in front of me and getting texts back.
You made me feel very stressed and very uncomfortable that's why I won't have you back.
I kept on thinking this was a bad dream.
I may be wrong in what I did thought but the texts you sent and the texts you had back went on far too long because I loved you so much. 13.12.12

  

Different kinds of Autism.

  Some people with Autism find social imagination hard.
  The person doesn't seem to know how to play with toys.

The person sticks one particular toy or object.

 Excessively lines up toys or other objects

Repetitive behaviours or interests,

 Which cause children with Autism to not have any interest or learning ability in the world around them.

ASD is defined by a certain set of behaviours that can range from the very mild to the severe.

Some Other Signs

Poor eye contact

At times seems to be hearing impaired

Physically disabled

Mentally Disabled.

 Which is odd because physical disabilities shown on the whole.
I was born with lack of oxygen to the brain,
Autism can happen, before during and after birth. Wednesday, 2 January 2013

 Happy New Year 2013.

Happy New year to you all 2013.

There are many more happy new years to come.
The sun is shining on the New Year’s Day 2013 but it's very cold.
The sunshine should bring hope to us all.
I hope things turn out better for you this year than last with many years to come. 1.1.13

New Start.

A new start is to come that’s very much unknown to us.
Whatever you didn't achieve last year I hope you achieve this.
This could be a New Year and new beginning for you.
Number 13 is lucky for some but unlucky for others.
Let's hope 2013 is the year for you with many of your dreams to come true. 1.1.2013

Love.

When who you love loves someone else.
You have to dust yourself up and start all over again.
It can become a risk loving, it can be very much being about trust.
You just take chances if it does not work.

What is love all about?
Look for it you can't find it.
Don't look for it, its right there.
Once you feel love for someone and they do for you, it's hard to control.
It can go wrong and end in tears but still hard to control.
It can take long time to move on, keep moving on what will be will be.
Whatever good chance you get take it, those good chances don't have often. December 2006

Say goodbye to life.

I say good bye to the bad things in life.
Take the easy way out, go to heaven.
I say hello to the good things in life, leave earth.
What here for us all?
Nothing but bad news.
Too much crime and the list go on.
Too many companies closing down, there's nothing for young people anymore.
I find it hard to see the good life.
Other than my boyfriend's friends, family and education that's my life.
Society is depressing but maybe there is a way forward one day. December 2006

 I don't think I have anything to get upset about.

Some how I feel low but I wish I knew the reason why.
I also feel very upset and angry.
I feel as if I don't want to live anymore.
I might be just depressed.
Whatever it is I will find a way to get over it but I am not sure how to other than writing poetry.
I feel as if I want to disappear into another world.
I just want to die and never come back.
I don't want help.
I just want to cope on my own.
I wish I could be happy again.
It's hard to see what will happen next. December 2006

 How do we explain?

People say it's all in our minds.
We should snap out of it.
We would if we were not being feeling like we do.
Yes I have a reason to give, the world, government and society.
There have many times I felt low for no reason, that's the same for other people too.
I have cried not knowing I have been crying for.
In the end I have felt foolish and guilty but then when tears catch your eye that’s what you can't control. December 2006

It drives me mad.

I look at the tall block of flats; I picture myself flying in the air.
If I am inside a high rise flat, the ground seems a long way down.
If I am waiting up stairs on the bus as the bus moves, I keep think I am going to fall down.
I don't know why I think I am falling down as I am going up.
The end of my life seems so far away, how much longer do I have to stay, I can't stand the pain as longer?
When I am going down, I know if I fall, I won't fall up, I will fall down. December 2006

  When I feel down.

When I feel down, I can't be bothered with anything at all.
I can feel down whether I have a reason to or not but not all the time.
I just want to get away from the four walls.
The end of my life seems so far away, how much longer do I have to stay?
I want to live to be old but only when I feel happy again. December 2006

winter time.

Look at the cold, dull and gray sky that depresses us more!
In the winter the day turns to night far too early. Light turns to dark.
When I go out it's a long way to walk through those block of flats to the bus stop.
Those flats seem a long way when it's dark when I come back home at night.
There are very few street lights as you walk through the dark alleys where you turn right. December 2006

It feels as if it's there for life.

Everyone has good and bad days.
We all can feel down in the dumps at anytime.
We can feel happy anytime but at the moment I am feeling up and down through the day like most people with depression.
A lot of people would say it's all in people's head but you only have to have kind of tragedy and we are out of our minds.
I don't think people are surprised by that because stress kills more than thousands in the world. December 2006