New life.

Why I had enough.

Why I had enough of you are because of your mind games.

Sorry to say I couldn't live with you changing your mind with what you want and don't want all the time.

Don't tell me you were confused when you know yourself that was an excuse!

The more I loved you the more your minds games hurt me; thank goodness I stopped loving you in the end.

I don't know how I loved you as long as I did.

Now that I have walked away, you can't cope with me not feeling in love with you because you have no one to hurt anymore. 3.8.2014

You thought you hurt me.

It seemed at the time that I was a victim of your love for the rest of my life.

You may be have thought you had tore me apart, that's just what I thought at the time butt we were both wrong.

At the time it all seemed like the end of the world but in the end it wasn't as bad as I thought.

In the end you lost and you didn't achieve what you wanted at all therefore I win.

You may have thought you may have thought you had the last laugh but you didn't I did instead.

You weren't planning to do me any favours but you did.

In the end you made me a stronger minded person, which you didn't want to achieve at all.

You wanted to knock me out dead as you thought you'd knock me out as you pushed me down, little did you hoped that I'd come back up.7.8.2014

If only I knew if you are right or wrong for me.

 From the day I first met you I thought you were the right person for me.

You left me sad, lonely and blue.

You know it's true that even now I still love you but you don't feel the same way anymore.

I don't understand why I still love someone who has not got the time a day for me.

Sometimes I feel like locking myself away in my bedroom and never coming out but other times I feel lonely.

Live in the bedroom with a kettle, food, toilet but I need to cut down on my heavy drinking.

Not seeing the world again to get away from pain is how I feel.

 I don't feel very strong at all, there does not seem to be an end to all this but there must be an end to pain somewhere and somehow.

Surly I can't keep on feeling depressed like this, there's got to be light at the end of the tunnel somewhere.

All I do is write romantic poetry about you; it shows how mad and crazy I am about you which make me mad and crazy when you don't feel the same about me.

How strange is that?

I feel ashamed to love someone who does not love me but my feelings have so much control over me.

There must be someone better out who loves me for me but I find it hard to believe that I will love him because foolishly my feelings are still with you.

Not seeing the world again to get away from pain is how I feel.

 Must love the wrong man, what is it about love it just blinds you?

Now you have gone, I must move on I must carry on without you.

It's hard to do because I miss you so true.

Everywhere I stand I see lovers kissing and hugging every day.

They must think I have lost my way. Written 1997.

Tell me why you left me?

Tell me why you made me cry?

Tell me why you left me?

Did you just make one silly mistake?

I must be mad to take you back.

You must have known you hurt me really bad.

It will take me a while to get my trust back you again but my love is still there for you.

I wish I did not love you then I would worry in case you hurt me again but my love for you is far too strong to let go of you. Written 2001

It is time to make up your mind so know whether to move on in my life or not.

It's time to make up my mind.
It's time to live my life to make up my time.
It‘s I am yours and you are mine.
Now let's have a great time.

    It’s time to empty my mind.
Time to go away; I will be back in a few days. 1997 – 2000

   

I find it hard to let go.

You are just a hard habit to break.
The worse thing is that you are unsure how you feel.
That does not help my feelings at all.
You have not done yourself any favours.
You have lied to yourself and to me.
Why do you have to leave to me to find out what's going through your mind?
How can I help I am not a mind reader?

       Without yourself knowing it, you have hurt the one you love yet again.
Oh I forgot you don't know whether you love me or not.
It's hard to say what you want because you either won't tell me or you give me difference answers.
It does not make it very easy for me to know whether I should stay or go.
My mind tells me that leaving you is the right thing to do but my heart is saying no.

If you feel the same as I do, please send me a letter, text or a call. Jan 08 – Feb 09

 Love.

Love can be strange, glad, sad, mad and foolish.

Our parents fall in love and bring us to the world.

Love can be hurtful with tears and sadness as if you’re who life is going down the drain.

Some parents slit up and it causes pain for them and us.

Them one day most of us fall in love then we end up slitting up and causing pain for ourselves.

Only because love is like a story, love is like a book, open it up, turn the pages and have a look.

I will never feel as if I will stay in love with the same love for life.

It can start off happy and end up sad very few relationships and marriages last for life.

If everything was a success life would be such a bor.

My love feels like a never ending book of love.

A very few loves last for life.

On the whole a love story book ends into a nightmare story book.

It's very hard to have true love.

No one knows how the future is going to be unless we try.

Life is what we make it but we can't force it.

Our dreams and hopes never come true so don't build your hopes up but never say never. 1995 - 4.6.2012

Chocolate and love.

Any food is a passion when you love it as much as you love your partner.

Chocolate is my passion as much as you are.

If I can help it I don’t ever eat too much chocolate because it makes me fat but you don’t make me fat.

Too much chocolate sends me dizzy you don’t.

I can be too greedy with too much chocolate but then I am greedy for your love.

I’d rather wait until I see you again because there’s more to look forward to . 10.3.2012

Nothing and no one loves me like you do.

Nothing and no one loves me like you do.

Chocolate, curry, and other men I have failed with all of them.

With chocolate my teeth drop and I get fat.

With curry and beer I am off to the loo every five minutes.

With other men it’s broken hearts.

No matter how much I try for them whatever I do isn’t enough.

Love has been so strong for so long that it’s taken so long to let you go in order to move on, now finely I love you not them anymore. 10.3.2012

Food in different weathers.

When days and night go cold.

I love faggots, chips and mushy peas with a pint of beer.

It tastes good and it warms you up.

Finding the best meals these days with deals is very hard.

Very mouth watering.

What am I in the mood to eat today?

I wish the weather was sunny and hot.

I wish I could cook barbecue sausages. 

My mouth is watering for

 bad cue sauce.

I see, taste and smell the barbecue sausages on the sticks.

I feel the hot sun tanning my back as I am eating bad cue sausages on a stick.

Now my back is burning, I need to put some cream on. 11.3.2012

  

Anxiety

Anything is hard to understand if you don't face it.

Anxiety is when life seems harder than it is.

May be there’s not much going on around you than what you think there is.

Yet you are not alone in this Anxiety world.

You may worry more than you should but that isn’t anything to be ashamed of that is part of your Anxiety.

What you may think and here may not be there but you aren’t going mad.

Nothing is all in your head it’s just Anxiety.

The world seems smaller to others but bigger to you.

Like I said you are not a alone there are others who have Anxiety just like you.

It’s too easy for people to misunderstand and dislike you just because things get to you more easily than them.

Most people don’t understand when worry for nothing, yes it may sound silly but you can’t help it that’s Anxiety.

Even though they are more than likely right that you don’t need to worry at all.

They just find Anxiety hard to understand.

They will never know because they will never face it and feel it in their own lives, yet they will need to understand to help people who have Anxiety.

There are plenty of others who will know and understand Anxiety because there are plenty of others like you. 2.6.2012

Fits.

My body is like a machine as I get electric shocks in my knees and legs.

That’s when a get a headache, sometimes I got dizzy and then I start to shake.

Time to lye down to rest my aching head.

Let the turn carry on till I sleep.

Yet I am aware what’s going on around me but I am feeling unwell.

I am confused whether it’s fits, Anxiety attacks or even both yet they very rarely happen.

In the mean time it’s like electric wires coming in and out my head like blowing fuses.

This could be caused by worry and stress or even hot and cold weather.

The cold spells tend to cause me dizziness.

Loud sounds can make me shake and jump. 2.6.2012

Looking through the mirror.

Without knowing what to except to read inside was John Keats's poetry, whose picture I saw on the cover of the book.

When I read his work which was hard to understand at first but then I read what he had been through at that time was no different to what I had been going

Through when I read his work.

Even by looking at his picture he looked how I felt at the time.

I read Keats’s work with not excepting what to read the fact he was going through the same as me inspire me so much to write poetry.

It was then I realised I wasn’t alone, it helped me so much with coming to terms with my broken relationship more so than crying, then I realised I wasn’t alone. 21.5.2012

It was a dark time.

Back in 1997, I drank heavy thinking the pain would go away but I found the problems were still there the next morning.

Every time I drank the night before it would numb the pain.

Loneliness seemed to have got worse day by day until I started writing poetry.

I couldn't see the wood between the trees, I felt so weak and depressed.

Twelve mouths seemed to have last forever even I didn’t know how long it was going to take me to come to terms with the breakup of the relationship.

When I started writing poetry I realised I wasn't alone after been inspired by John Keats’s work. 21.5.2012

You haunt my mind.

What has been missing out of my life?
May be I don't need it, maybe I can do without love of a man.
Not just in a partner but in my own Father.
Where were you when I needed you?
That was a silly question, was it?
All my life, I have felt anger asking myself why I did not see you as child.
My entire Mother's family managed very well with me.
I don't feel like your daughter at all.
For whatever reason you could not see me for you could have seen me for a little while.
You are my Father it seems wrong that you were not around when I was a child.

There must be men out there as untrue as Antonio.

Where are the good men?
Where are these men to be?
Why can't I find a love who wants me for me?
Why can't I love who I want to be with?
Why who I want be with will he be with me?
Why can't his feelings match mine?
Still life is not all about me. 

You played games with my mind one minute you said you loved me the next minute you said you didn’t.

It was my feelings towards you that kept me with you so long yet you knew how I felt about you so you played on it more and more,

We should have known a long time ago that our love wasn’t going anywhere only you anymore.
I still hurt from our two broken relationships even today.
I don’t understand how and why we carried on fighting to keep our relationship going that far.

                                                                      1997 - 2014

Special bond.

The first day I saw you I didn't know who you were.

I was in another world that wasn't very nice through a broken heart.

Little did I know we would be talking to eachother?

Even when we first spoke I felt such a special bond.

We didn’t know what got together and what we would get together.

In time I found myself liking more.

This is special bond to both of us.

Time apart does us good even though we miss each every day. 4.6.2012

If it’s meant to be it will be.

If it’s meant to be it will be.

It’s no good making something meant to be if it’s not to be if you know what I mean.

Say good bye to the bad memories but think of the good.

There’s no perfect love that isn’t meant to be.

Not always what you want it to be what we need to face is the truth.

Just remember there’s no bed of roses that you will be lying in all the while. 1997 – 5.6.2012

I remember when our love ended.

Our love ended like a piece of paper bending.

It was a dream that turned into a nightmare.

You were playing games with my mind.

You never knew what you wanted all the time.

I told you to have her because she you said is who you wanted.

You wanted her all the time, why go with her if you didn’t?

You must have been out of your mind all that time.

I so much wanted you to stay with me but me isn’t who you wanted.

Every day I could see our love dyeing like a river running dry.

When our love died I cried like a river day and night.

Things got better in the summer when I started writing poetry, which helped better than crying.

I may have been sad.

I may have been blue.

I knew I really truly loved.

You made me happy and you made sad. 1997 -5.6.2012

Your pain has come.

Because the world was so right about you been so wrong for me, no matter how wrong you were I couldn’t stop loving you.

There was something telling me in my mind that this isn’t right but I found it so hard to walk away from you because I loved you so much.

The truth is that you hurt me so much that I got fed up of saying anything at all.

You left me lonely, sad and blue.

Since I kept my feelings a secret from you then I learn not to feel in love with you anymore.

To this day I have been so mad at myself that I made such a bad mistake loving you, 1997 – 5.6.2012

Believe your there somewhere.

Believe your somewhere whoever you are.

You may not be there yet.

I have too many bad thoughts running my head just yet.

I just need to live in hope that I will meet you one day.

If not hope then happiness at a time I may not think or except.

To dream is too hope too much, which I am not building my hopes up on anything as I have been hurt so many times before.

We mustn’t chase what we can’t have.

We mustn’t think and look.

Let it think and look for us.

Let luck and love find us.

Just get on with life. 20.11. 2011