What;s on the mind?

POETRY BOOK ONE

WHAT’S ON YOUR MIND?

Poetry, verses and words.

By Sara Jane Gorman

Poetry book 1.

 Introduction to ‘WHAT’S ON YOUR MIND?

It's very strange how everyone’s' mind work, which are so different.

It would be a very boring world if we were all the same.

 This is why we all behave different.

 These behaviours can affect the lives of people to people.

 There are some people who suffer from certain illnesses that cause people to be a danger to themselves or and other people.

 In some cases certain medications can cause people to be a danger to themselves or and other people.

 A lot of medications cause side - effects by curing one thing and bringing on another. 20.1.2011

Crime has grown.

As we are all aware crime has seemed to have grown a lot in the last ten years or so.

 Crime is growing bigger all the time.

Danger and effect everyone’s' lives one way or the other.

 There’s never any excuse for crime but it can be hard to know what people goes through people's minds who commit crime.

All it takes is a matter of time.

People can take out anger on others due to Mental illnesses, drugs. Side - effects of medications, stress they may have had from other people.

 This doesn't there should take it out on others. Some people get themselves into these dangers but not even been aware of what they have done. 20. 1.2011

People who commit crime are crafty.

They chose quite moments when there's not anyone around so they don't get caught.

  Some people pick places to hurt their victims where there aren't cct cameras.

With Mental health and Learning Disability it can vary because we are all different just like all people.

 Most people with disabilities and health problems are victims of crime.

Others are prisoners not even aware that they have committed crimes due to their disabilities and health problems or even side - effects of medication.

 Health professions should be more aware of.

I have worked for Mencap for years; there have been a lot of people with disabilities and health problems who have been victims of crime than prisoners.

 This had made me realize more and more that I haven't been alone to have faced not been believed or understood.

Crime isn’t the only subject I am covering I am covering all kinds of subjects that come to my mind.

 Every reader has a different interest so I do my best to interest as many readers as possible. 20.1.2011

Learning Disability, Mental Health, Bullying and Hate Crime.

We are seen but not heard.

It's hard to believe if you don't see.

It's hard to know what's happened when you’re not there.

People with learning disabilities find it hard to make ourselves under stood.

We can't help the way we are.

Most things are hard to talk about it can be hard to get things off our minds.

It can be hard to get Hate Crime off our minds.

People who do Hate Crime should get a life time.

Most people who bully as children do Hate Crime as adults.

Most people today get away with bullying and Hate Crime because the law lets them.

There used to be a time that children were taught to learn right from wrong.

People who bully and do Hate Crime get away with it forever or for a long time.

Just because people don't see us get hurt it doesn't mean we don't.

You see some of us can't stand up for ourselves.

Not many of us who can stand up for ourselves.

Those of us who do manage to stand up for ourselves get misunderstood for the bullies.

The world thinks we are bullies instead of victims.

People who bully and or do hate crime don't always get found out. 20.1.2011

No more tears to cry.

No more tears to cry but sadness is still here.

It was all so long ago.

Nothing was ever done because it was understood or believed.

Pain is unknown whether I like it not.

Even now no one understands or believes me.

I find it hard to talk about even now.

I may not be crying on the outside but I am crying on the inside.

I am smiling on the outside but feeling pain on the inside.

I used to find it hard to sleep in fear of seeing one of you, a few of you or even more.

Now none of you bother me at all.

You have all been here far too long to stay.

My mind is just wondering away thoughts.

I find that I believe in myself at last.

When I have been through this pain so long nothing is new to me.

The thoughts have been inside my head far too long.

The grass is always greener on the other side. 20.11.2011

Just get on with it!

How I get through every day, I don't know.

There must walk around as if nothing has happened.

No one knows what one another are thinking.

I don't shut myself away from the world because life is for living that's what you’re born for.

I just get on with life; I have never known anything else.

More than 30 years on since the first one, they have still got away with it just because me been just a child and having learning disabilities.

No good talking about it whatever I say nothing gets done.

The present is here yesterday has gone let's live for today.

Tomorrow is unknown.

Time to move on.

The pain has gone on far too long to hurt me anymore.

I was far too young to tell anyone.

Far too young to know what was going on?

Too young to understand.

Too young to be understood.

Even now over 40, my words just can't speak. 20.11.2011

Crime, disability and mental health.

When it comes to people with disabilities and health problems been victims of crime, this can be a hard job for the police to deal with because a lot of people with disabilities and health problems find it hard to communicate,

 Some people find it harder than others, depending their disability or and health problem.

This I will explain about how hard it is for people with disabilities and health problems to explain us.

 Therefore we may not believed or understood unless the crime was seen by anyone,

 Which has never been the case in my case?

 People who commit crimes are crafty

Face truth.

Friendship is best or nothing at all.

If we love again we'll hurt one all over again.

I don't know about you but I am too old to take any more.

We must face the truth; we can't fall out if we aren't lovers.

Remember you broke my heart; I had to go along with what you wanted.

Now it's my turn to walk away but I am never coming back only as a friend.

If you can't take that you'll never see me again.

If only I knew that one day my pain would come back on you, what you caused me.

At the time I felt as if I had no future and my whole world was broken.

I never thought my life would be better without you. How wrong was I to think I could never live without you, I felt so alone?

Now it's far too late for you, I am not going to let you hurt me anymore.

I am not spending the rest of my life wondering whether or not you’re in or out of my life.

In fact I don't think you loved me at all, I believe you still don't, you only love me because you know I don't love you anymore.

If I still loved you wouldn't have loved me.

I know we have both been there before.

I had to leave for that mouth because the stress was getting far too much.

Before long I stopped loving bad news for you and good news for me.

I never thought I would have ever stopped loving because I loved you for so long.

One day you will meet someone who you will love ten times more than you loved me.

She won't be able stand for what I stood for.

If you walk all over her she'd be out your life like a flash for good then you will really will know what pain is.

To think I was scared of losing you for good after you hurt me so bad.

Now I realize that I am better off without you or we are better off been just been friends.

I understand that this year has been taught for you with everything happening all at once but sadly everyone goes through death at some time, you aren't alone.

Moving on is hard I know, you need to make a life for yourself or end up a lonely old man.

You soon moved on when you left me and went out with someone else, didn't you?

I was the one who found it hard to move on but not anymore.

I am having a happier life without you if not better. 21.11.2011

Stronger love.

I can trust that you won't hurt me again.
Our love is stronger whatever goes on.
I don't enjoy having epilepsy, it makes it hard for me to lead my life but I will manage somehow.
I don't let my condition put a hold on my life.
My condition may have bought us close together but then I hope it does not slit us apart.
I don't want to lose you again.
At the end of the day we always get on great.
You’re my best friend as well as my lover.
My darling let's work hard at this after we have both been through already.
We will get through the good and bad together.26.5.2002

Why do you still haunt my mind?

You are like a ghost that haunts me in my mind all the time.

I don’t why you haunt me like this when we both know I hate you and I don’t love you anymore.

Sorry the only way I can pretend I never knew you are to think of as a ghost even though as far as I’m aware you’re still alive.

You let me go for the first time Friday 25^th October 1996.

You hurt me very badly at the time and I loved you very much and now I can’t stand you anywhere near me.

You hated me writing poetry about you, I know why because you hated the truth and very often the truth hurts.

I don’t understand why I took so many years to hate you.

It’s silly to think that I lived in hope that you’d come back to me because I loved too much, I took the risk of going back to you.

If only I hated you then because in the end hurt me twice as much but I cope with it better the second time than the first because you had put me through before.

I would never join you in heaven when we both.

If I die before you I will haunt you just like you haunt me already and as far as I know you’re not even dead yet.

You keep haunting me.

 You keep haunting me.

I’m writing this poem to try and stop you haunt my mind.

Like I said the only way I can pretend I never knew you is pretend you are a ghost. 25.10.1996 – 31.8.2015

Lovers.

Eating ice cream on a hot summer's day in the park.
Eating fish and chips, kissing and hugging wrapped up warm on a cold winter's night in the dark.

Eating pop corn in the back seat on the back row hugging the night away.
Drinking in the pub getting drunk, hugging and kissing September 1997

One single rose.

When the wind and rain blows one single rose lovers get washed away.
When the rain comes down the whole roses are very washed down.
When spring has just started lovers have ran.
When summer is on its way lovers pick roses every day. September 1997

Hope you feel the same too. 

I hope you feel the same as I do.

I am sitting writing poetry about you.
Thinking about you as I do.
You love me like I love you.
You’re not only my lover but my best friend.
What ever happens?
I can't accept it to happen forever but never say never. 8.9.2002

Molly.

Molly my longest friend.

Can't say she's my oldest friend but best friend.
Twenty to thirty odd years of knowing her since school.
Always be my best friend, we have known one another long enough.
There's no friend like Molly. 8/9/2002

What it has done to my life?

When I go into a relationship, I fall in love too easy.
I know I dream and hope for too much for the future.
I should take things day by day.
I need to accept that break ups happens, I can't help this when I love someone.
When my relationships end I always seem to go to pieces because it hurts so much.
It's as if the whole world has crashed on top of me.
Sometimes I have felt as if something has been missing in life. 4.7.2000

I'm in love but I have space.

No ties on my life and no strings attracted.
I am still faithful.
I love my partner and he loves me.
We can trust each other too. 28.8.2000

You have come back in my life.

We were far too young; we fell in love far too young.
We looked at each other and we knew it was love.
Two and years were long for me to feel as if I belonged to you.
Four years of sadness and falling love with someone who I did not even love.
We need to act like adults instead of children.
The door was closed for so long; we never thought the door would open again.
We never thought we'd let one another in again.
We suddenly knew that we had loved one another too long to let go of one another. 26.5.2002

Valentine’s Day without love.

You feel alone in the world when you see couples walking down the street and holding hands.
You feel alone the world when you see people with presents and cards.
Why am I bothered?
Valentines Day is waste of time and money mostly when the one you love does not love you anymore.
I write him poetry, a waste of pen and ink but I still write them.

Sara just gets on with life but it's even worse when Valentine’s Day just hits you in the face. 14.2.2009

No matter how hard I try.

No matter how hard I try nothing seems to be right.

If only I could fall in with a person who right for me or aren’t I right for the men I have fell in love with?

Somehow my break ups of relationships tend to turn out to be dangerous in the end.

For a lot of years I have been in love with a man who plays mind games which does my head in.

One minute he loves me and the next minute he doesn’t.

If only I didn’t love him so much.

I am not the woman I used to be or the woman I would like to be.
I am a faithful person I know I can’t have two partners.

I hate to admit that I have feelings for two men.

I have a tough choice to make before too many hearts break.
I never thought I would have feelings for two men. 1.6.2004

When I am with you.

When I am with you, it all seems so true.
When I am without you I feel blue.
If only you knew how much I love you, I have told you enough times.

Please tell me why you lied?
I would sooner die.
When I look into your eyes, you give me so much pride.
Hey, please don't make me cry with all your lies.2000

Remember when our love ended.

I love you but you hurt me so.

Every day for four years, it all seemed dull and dark.
I found it so hard to move on.
I cried my eyes out when you left me.
I remember the day you met me.
I hope you won't leave me anyone, if you do I am out the door.
I won't ever come back anymore.
So don't give miss you again but I will have to stop myself from getting hurt.

So don’t give me a call.
I'll
I hope one day I will meet someone who loves me for me and doesn't hurt me.

You couldn't make your mind what you wanted.
You drove me mad all the time.

I told you, you could have her because I knew you did not want to stay with me.

I may be sad and blue but I still love you.
Good, bad, happy and sad.
For some reason I must be so mad. 2001 onwards