New poems.

DON'T GIVE UP.

Everything cost too much and not enough to pay for it.
We don't expect to please everyone but there are times we feel as if we please no one, we can't always win so don't let them get the better of you.
We fail, we pass, we win, we lose nothing should stay the same every time.
It seems as if everything we touch we break, people look at us as if we are a complete disgrace, face up to them and don't walk away, don't give up. 23.12.2018

REWIND BACK TO 2017.

Can't bring me to say.

I can't bring myself to say, I shouldn't say, I should get over it, its' so wrong.
I feel so much guilt and so much shame.
I'm a numbers year old than you so I should be a number years wiser.
I know and accept that you don't feel the same way.
I shouldn't feel like this, I don't know you in person and we live so far away.
I just don't know why I feel this way.
You don't have to be so easy going about this.
If I write I may learn to live with this feeling inside of me.
This is not good, I can't risk losing such a great friendship.
I can't bring myself to say, hello I love you but then I shouldn't feel or say that.
This isn't real, it's just a story in my mind, it's all fiction but no dream. 9.12.2017

I thought I failed you but you failed me. 

Why didn't I walk away from you sooner?
I shouldn't have had you back.
How foolish I was to think you would change.
I had no reason to stay with you other than how I felt about, which is now nothing at all.
Don't know what got over me, I must have been out my mind.
I stopped loving you eight years ago after thirteen and a half years.
Back 2003, I fell in love someone else as well as you but I made myself get over it why didn't you?
You just went off with her but that's okay I would care now what you do, anyone is welcome to you.
I wish I would have got over you sooner not later.
No way am I getting myself down to your level. 9.10.2017



I never saw the light.

No one seemed to agree with my thoughts and as years went on, I saw the light that I was wrong and they were right.
For twelve months my head was just in the sand back between my hands in 1996 to 1997.
All I saw was a dark tunnel each hour, minute, second of every day.
No light never seemed to come my way.
Loneliness was just a cloud as couples walked passed, therefore I thought this wouldn't happen to me again.
That's how I thought my life was going to be.
Found for me to make one hard choice to love or loneliness but then I found it hard to get too close again.
I lost all trust in everyone but felt so bad for feeling this way.
I spent a lot of time worrying that I would meet the wrong person and get myself hurt again.
As right or wrong people may be, it's best to let people in these states of minds be themselves, in their own time some may see the light.
If you ask me what I think I will tell you but I will never tell you what and what not to do.
I will be there for you and I will never judge you, I know what this feels like, I have been there myself.
How can I love without been blind I used to ask myself?
I went through this fear for such a long time.
I had no trust in anyone at all yet I felt so bad about.
Therefore I left people to carry on talking and telling their thoughts, which I was blind to.
I used to think I may as well live my life in sin because I feared of getting hurt again.
Now I wouldn't say I'm one hundred percent me again but I'm ten times better than I was then.
Oh yes back then I wouldn't think I would be where I am today, which is why I would never say to anyone you will get there, I listen, understand and let them make their own choices. 11.12.2017

Late night snow. 
Only time will tell when the snow goes.
As the snow turns to water from the rain, then ice so we must think twice as the cold goes into the freezing light.
Open the curtains and blind; turn on the lights through the dark dull grey days as the dark evenings start to get close.
The morning comes to light with the sun shining down on melting the ice, though the flight over the overnight frozen ice that might bite. 9.12.2017

It seems so far away or not at all.

Never judge what it's like for people because you just don't know.
Nothing is the same for everyone.
I felt darkness that I thought was going to last forever more.
I was amazed I moved forward at all, then I saw the light coming from the dark and I just didn't feel the same for him at all like I used. 11.12.2017



You don't beat me.

Sticks and stones could throw me, say nasty words to me but no more could you ever break my bones.
Nothing you say and do anymore will never ever hurt me or kill me.
Don't try to creep with your words you will never again thrill me.
I feel nothing for you now, nothing at all.
Now you have left my mind.
Thank goodness I won't hear you or see you anymore, I don't miss you at all anymore. 12.12.2017

Anxiety going through my mind.

I lay asleep then woke up to see deep snow.
The clouds were grey with a windy wintery cold breeze of fresh.
The trees drifted into the breeze.
Although the doors were locked wind blew snow right into the countryside.
The winds blew high right across the sky.
The moon shone brightly with shining stars into the morning light.
Therefore I blew like a kite going through the light with such a fight.
There came the thundering and lighting with a fright.
There was darkness then came into the light.
It was such a very wild site into the night. 17. 12.2017

Me as I was, me as I am now. 

I was just a child with thick long brushy hair that blew with the wind.
Now my hair is as grey as hills.
Now tiredness is hitting me with the cold and the wind.
At the age of ten, I spaned my ankle running up the hill.
Winter days, winter nights and frost bites.
The skies are wintery, sients and grey as there are handy any people about because it's just too cold to go out, everywhere just comes to a standstill.
Short grey days turn to long dark of the night as the moon and stars don't shine a bright light. 17.12.2017

Just the way it is. 

Yes to my shame I feel as I do about you, never mind, I will cope to see it through.
I don't mean this in a nasty way, only that it's not fair on you that I feel this way.
I'm not forcing you to do what you don't want to, I know that you don't want me too.
Yes, I know it's wrong, mainly more so as we live so far away from one another, I shouldn't expect you to feel the same, it's my problem, not yours.
Just take no notice of me, nothing wrong with you, I'm just foolish you see, shame on me.
I have only embarrassed myself, I must and will let it pass.
I'm going to fight it, I'm no cheat but I'm just a silly old fool, I have a love that means too much for me to throw away.
I only hope someday you will meet the love that means so much to you, a sorry inconvenience I may have caused you, it's just me and my foolish mind.
Those thoughts have got to pass from me not you.
They will pass soon enough, don't worry. 18.12.2017


Your number one.

You mean too much to me to throw what we have together all away, take no notice of me, it's all passing and you may not believe me but nothing has happened.
He's just a friend, he's not interested and he lives so far away from me.
Shame me, no fault of your or his.
Even though I hardly see you at all, you are my world.
Eight years of friendship, passion, and love.
There's no way there's anyone else, I just miss you so much.
There's nothing to worry about there's just no way am I seeing him.
Sorry, I must train my foolish mind.
My age and mind should know better now, I have to control it, I will fight it. 18.12. 2017

So I need to leave you alone.

Yes I need to leave you alone, please don't be mad at me, I'm just a silly old fool you see.
Yes I know you don't need to tell me, you don't feel the same way, just take no notice of me. 18.12.2017.

What happened to you?

What happened to you?
If only you could tell me.
All the time you have gone, I've done nothing but ask myself questions that I can't answer.
Yes' I know you wouldn't have me back but I wouldn't have you back either but I wish you were living.
It's never been the same without your big smiling face and your crazy sense of humor.
Who would have thought we would lose you so soon?
Nothing seems to make sense even after seven years of you leaving this earth.
This isn't right.
I know you never got over the love of your life, which I know wasn't me.
Words could not explain how I feel about and my emotions are very mixed.
I never knew your thoughts about me, it just seemed as if you never felt the same as I did.
Okay, we tried and it didn't work but we were still very good friends to the very end. 18. 12. 2017



So I'm tired.

So I'm tired the night ends now.
What you may think is wrong so do I, don't worry I'm not waiting for you.
I'm just writing poetry so I can learn to live with my feelings and thoughts.
I need to see the light through this foolish mind of mine.
Just go ahead because I'm off to bed to face whatever happens next when I wake up.
This is not poetry, not words, not talent, just my way of living with what goes through my mind and my head.
If only I could see what's ahead of me.
I'm closing 2017 on twenty years of poetry about love, passion, romance, emotion and all of many topics; happy, sad, my way of coping the ups as well as downs in life and lives of people I know. 18.12.2017

Just waiting to talk.

Not trying to get with you.
Just want to be your friend.
Not forcing you into to anything you don't want to do.
If you don't want to talk, that's okay I understand.
If you think I don't understand, I accept that even though I know you want to be alone but then you don't.
Don't be afraid to talk to me if you want, sorry if I made you feel uncomfortable, just concerned about you that's all.
It's not a problem if you don't want to reply at all or you want to.
Been there myself and I know more than anything it's not easy.
Nothing seems to make you happy whatever you been down that road more than once and never really understood why I felt like I did.
There was no winning what I did, it just seemed as if every day was the end of me but somehow someway I got through to be still here today. 18.12.2017

It's that time of the year again.

It's that time of the year again coming to an end when you're wondering what's ahead.
Time goes too fast and neither of us is getting any younger.
Soon be January again, then soon will be the winter blues.
Depression is a sign of lowness but somehow we must get through which is easy to say if we have times we feel we can't get through.  18. 12.2017
Too late now. 

You said before that you had long walked out the door.
No' I think you will find that's the other way round because I left you in the end.
I can only say that you play mind games with my head and thank goodness I'm away from that now.
Now I have discovered my life is so better without than I ever thought it would be.
To think there was a time that you were my world and nothing else mattered now I don't want to be anywhere near you and I don't feel a damn thing for you.
Now I give a damn what you think of me now because you know that when I loved so much, you never gave damn what I thought of you.
Never thought I'd stop feeling the way I did because I loved you for so long but when I realized you didn't really love me because you kept changing your mind whether you loved me or not so you didn't love me at all.
Once I stopped loving you that's when you decide loved me after all, I don't need to have someone else in my life to tell you that it's too late for you to even try to love me again whether I'm on my own or not.
Since I have discovered my life without you, I realized how many years of my life I waste been with a man who didn't me at all but really pretended he did.
You once poisoned my brain but now you don't hurt me anymore.
I didn't know what direction to turn.
You just wouldn't understand and believe me I don't want you to because it's too late for that Ant.
With a lot of counseling and writing, a lot of poetry has helped through this damn mess you put me but others may find others ways of trying to move on from people who don't know what they want like you.  13. 12. 2017

Fighting with my mind.

Every day I fight with my mind, it's a case of taking one day at a time.
Forty old years I have been fighting with my mind, which is near enough all my life.
I smile, I'm grateful for my life but it doesn't mean I'm always fine.
Now that I'm older I live with my feelings and emotions and try my best to accept the way life is.
At one time I would cry but now I don't do it like I used to.
No problem I have is going to get the better of me.
I know it's easy to say to others just get on with life but I won't, I was there once and I haven't forgotten, I just now cope with it in a different way than I used to and never tell others how to cope. 11.10. 17.

It's been over a year since I wrote poetry.

It seemed so long ago yet now as long as it seems, it's like I forgotten how to write.
I have forgotten how good it feels to type.
Now that you are out of my site and out my mind.
Never thought I'd be back to me again living my life.
I don't know how I ever thought that you were my type.
Hard to believe getting over you was such a fight.
Like a long sleep and a long nightmare of my life. 11. 10. 17

Another year nearly over.

Another year nearly over, coming and going out of nowhere and handy any chance to write.
Another year older but hopefully wiser as a writer but never a stone lighter.
All the same, I hope I'm a fighter. 11.10. 17



https://sararevealed.blogspot.com/2018/01/2017-to-2018-poetry.html
https://sararevealed.blogspot.com/2018/01/20-years-of-published-poetry-to-poetry.html
https://sararevealed.blogspot.com/2017/12/end-of-2017.html

DISABILITY TALENT.

My Dyspraxia poem. 

Dyspraxia
I could never do up my buttons.
I could never do up my laces.
I could never clean my teeth how they should be cleaned.
My mouth is too small with too many teeth, food just get's everywhere it always has but I love it.
Exercise is hard to access when you have Dyspraxia.
I can't catch or throw a ball.
I couldn't even open a tin with a tin opener but then I discovered how to use the old-fashioned tin openers after.
I love going to the pub, I'm useless with money then I overspend.
I have never been very good at maths.
I am more can with English and words but I even get confused there because of my Dyslexia.
In a poem, I can express my disabilities in a poem better than I can to people.
I am more skills with my writing and raising learning disability awareness than everyday living skills. 13.8.2012 - 17.8.2012

My Depression poem.

27 1997. At the age of 27 1997, it was a bad year.
You broke my heart, you tore me apart.
At the age of 27 in 1997 I just wanted to go to heaven.
Life did not seem worth living, it all seemed like a dark tunnel.
The winter was dull and cold without you.

I discovered Shelly and Keats in the summer.
Without planning to I wrote poetry but when I did I knew life was worth living after all.
Once I started writing poetry it helped me clear my mixed up mind which helped me to get stronger in my mind.
That's when I learned to understand that life goes on, without writing poetry I would have broken down or and even ended my own life.

Jim Hendricks, Kurt Cobain, and Jim Morrison all suffered depression one way or the other over difference very bad times in life, they were all 27 when they died.
They were very creative people in their music but I pulled through my breakdown when I was nearly twenty - eight by discovering poetry. 13.2.2009

I grew up with words.

I grew up with words not understanding what they were all about.

Even though I still mind blind I am still inspired by the words of others so therefore I write my own lines.

I may not be the best with spelling, grammar or etc but the mind is thinking all the time.

I am not the best of remembering what I read and write either but not as bad as I was as a child. 

I am inspired by songs as well as poetry. 11.11.2016

I have not met you yet or I may not meet you at all.

It's so hard to balance not hoping and faith.

I haven't really been lucky but you don't want to hear me talking about my past but ask if me if you want to know anything!

Read my poems to know what I have faced in my life but then don't, it's time for me to move, I also try not to try too hard either.

Let's forget the past never happened, I just had nightmares and woke up.

Those nightmares taught me to still love but not to build my hopes up not to distrust either, not an easy one balance.

I am still a strong mind but emotional. 11.11.2016

Saying goodbye to you.

Saying goodbye to you was the hardest thing to do but now it's not anymore.

I am more than pleased to close the door on you for what you put me through.

If only I walked away sooner than what I did walk away from you but better late than never, I saw the light of day in the end.

In my mind, you weren't real but I thought you were at the time, then I realized you were a complete nightmare, which I took so long to wake up to see the light of day.

Hang on, it was just a mean dream that wasn't as it seemed.

Can't believed I spent 13 and half years of my life or more in a dream of someone who isn't real.

Real you may be but I just don't want to think about you, just go away.

You're out of my life to get out of my head, your nightmare of a man!

You may have given me pain but then it's no pain just a complete nightmare but all the same, you gave me talent.  

I just hope what I have faced with you has made me a wiser person. 11.11.2016

I don't know how long I can cope with this.

Sorry, I feel this way about you, meaning it's just my luck you don't feel the same way but it will blow over one day.

I didn't know how long I could keep it to myself, I didn't think could bring myself to come out with it at all. 

It's been killing me and emotions to keep it to myself and tell you.

All the same, I respect and accept what you say, words can't always go my way.

I know I need to come with my feelings better than I do.

Somehow, some way or and someday I will get through.

Please don't me get in the way to spoil a great friendship between us. 

To be honest, the unknown has been killing me, I have kept my thoughts and feelings to myself till now.

I have been such a coward to come out with it till now.

I understand not everything can run my way.

As mad as it sounds it feels rather embarrassing.

I feel in my late 40s I should know better. 30.5.2016

It's just too much to keep quiet any longer.

I know I have only known you a few months but it feels like I have known you a lifetime.

I have tried to not feel this way about you but you are driving my mind mad.

I will never force you into what you don't want, I don't expect you to feel the same for me as I do for you.

I have tried so hard to not feel this strong but it feels impossible.

I need to keep my feelings under control.

To be honest the unknown has been killing me.

I have too much respect for you to try and get my own way.

I was afraid of how you would react is why I took so long to tell you.

Maybe writing tons of pages of poetry about you may help me get over you. 30.5.2016

I can't make you like me in the way I like you.

I have been talking to you for quite a few months.

You have been driving me out of my mind.

I can handily cope with my emotions inside.

I know I can't make you feel the same way.

Just give me time to not feel this way anymore!

I will keep my thoughts to myself from now on.

I can't force you to feel in a way you don't feel.

I was afraid of you not feeling the same way but then I just came out with it.

Either way, I don't think I done myself any favors. 30.5.2016

https://sararevealed.blogspot.com/2016/12/blog-poetry.html

PUT THE PAST BEHIND.

Depression.
Depression isn't all sadness.
Depression isn't all black and white.
We not nuts or neither are we not completely sad or completely happy either, we just want to be heard and understood.
Depression isn't all one feeling to what it says by the sound of the word Depression.
Depression you can be feeling very up and down more so than people without Depression.
Please don't judge what you don't understand or know!
We are all positive as well as negative people.
The same the other way round, just because we may laugh, smile or and etc doesn't mean we necessarily do feel that way inside ourselves, many of us feel very sad side.
How we show ourselves can be very different to what feel inside but not always the case, it can vary so much from time to time and or even person to person.
Little is shown because it's so very hidden as far as the condition itself is concerned.
You could have the greatest life in the world yet feel the unhappiest person in the world yet have the worse life in the world and be the happiest person in the world, which can vary from person to person,  time to time or any way around.  29.12.2016


You were all in my mind.

You were all in my mind.
You were all in my head.
Writing poetry has been like writing lines in school.
I must get you out of my mind and head.
You have seen to be with me for so long even after I finally walked out your life altogether.
You seemed as if you were going to be with me forever, I never thought I'd get rid of you and I never thought I ever wanted to get rid of you.
Now it's as if I have been sleeping these years with you in my mind and head, it's been all a dream and nightmare.
Now I don't think about you anymore and now I don't think you are real anymore.
Now to me it's as if you are this monster who has been eating away at me all these years and now you have gone away, you just not here anymore and finally I am free from you.  29.12.2016



Never thought it would end.

I once went off the rails because of you, I never thought the pain would end.
Every day seemed like a big effect to keep myself living and going, I never thought I was going get by but I did, with counseling and poetry I made it through in the end without you.
I never I thought I'd see the light at the end of that black tunnel, which seemed so far away.
Every day seemed so scary and I never thought I'd get through.
I never thought I'd feel the same without you.
I never thought I would be pleased to be without you.
I never thought I would make it without you in the end. 29.12.2016

If only I did it sooner.

I only I left sooner and if only I didn't love you for so long.
I only I felt stronger to walk away from you sooner but then in the end I did.
Still, although it wasn't nice at the time, the harder time you gave me, what you didn't realize was the stronger you made me.
Now I can move on without you on my mind.
It took me so long to get where I am now, now it's as if I never knew or saw you.
You thought you knocked me right down, okay you did but I got back up again.
You never thought you would be sad to lose me but you are because you begged to get me back when you realized you were wrong to let me go so what goes around comes around.
I don't like revenge but if it's necessary it doesn't do you any harm to see what it's been like to be on my side of the coin, does it?
How long did you think I was going to let you walk over me without me realizing I was?
How shocked were you when I could walk away and live without you being in my life?
You don't like to see the change in me and you don't like the truth do you?
The truth hurts you so don't beg me like a dog for another chance because you will get nowhere with me!
Sorry, I won't do it again!
Let's not go there pretending you're someone you are not.
How many chances do you want?
None with me.  29.12.2016


You go by what you see.

You go by what you see.
Also so much his hidden in the condition so don't judge what don't understand what you don't know!
Therefore you misunderstand us for someone we are not.
You stare at us as if you think we are nuts.
You react to us as if we are not there.
Hello, we are there.
We have thoughts and voices like everyone. 

In my own world and in my own words.

I was like the only child to start with.
When you came into the world we were like miles apart but you brought a lot of joy into my life, that I know at times I found it hard to show.
Now you are a great Mother raising my two lovely nephews.
There have been so many changes that we never thought would happen from when You were born when I was 13 to now. 29.12.2016

I am me no matter how hard I find it to change.

I try not to be a dreamer but I seem to be.
Being romantic can be a good and a bad thing because you can easily hope too much.
Not easy to balance the good with the bad.
Not good when you want to write and you can't think what to write.
Once you start to think, your pen can't write in time to your mind, please forgive my untidy handwriting when that happens, which is why I mostly type. 29.12.2016


Just a feeling with or without a reason.

Just a feeling with or without a reason why even then no one really knows why.
For some of us, it comes and goes with no in-between.
For others, it stays where it is unknown to the reasons why most of the time.
Just accept anything, everything off anybody and everybody.
We are just human with things we can and can't control. 29.12.2016


Don't get me wrong.

Don't get me wrong, not everything is down to Mental health, we know that.
Most of it is down to being misunderstood.
Yes I agree we all have faults. 29. 12. 2016

Managing feelings.

Art, crafts, hobbies, interests, talents or and etc is a great way of managing Mental health but it doesn't work for everyone, even counseling or both. 29.12.2016

Take me as I am or not at all.

I am happy one minute but not the next.
Sometimes there's no reason for it, other times there is.
It's just a feeling side me that can change from happy to sad then sad to happy.
No one is to blame either way. 29.12.2016


Will the sad feeling ever end?


Mental health isn't always a sad feeling, we go through times of feeling happy and sad just like everyone but the difference is how often we do to those you don't face Mental health.
The sad feeling can last however long or short it going to be but to us it can feel like long even if it's short because it can be the unknown.
You can feel the way you do with or without reason and no one really knows why, it's just the feeling inside the person.
Anxiety can link with Depression because you worry, panic or and even fear over things that mostly don't seem to be as bad as what they do seem.
In the time sadness it's hard to have faith and positive in yourself until somehow, someway that feeling passes but then you wonder whether or not you going to get through, which is why you may be saying things you wouldn't say and even do in a happy state of mind.
It can vary from time to time and even person to person.
Never think those who stuffer from Mental health is how life will end, it will either will or won't the same with disability too. 29.12.2016.