Monday 17 December 2018

ANGER ON MY MIND.

WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU ARE DOING?

I once thought you loved me, how wrong and blind was I, thinking about it, I don't think you ever loved me at all.
You cut me up into pieces like a raiser blade going through me, until you made me bleed.
You made it hard for me to love someone else but you don't stop my life anymore.
I should be used to you being unkind to me by now.
I have been there before you hurt me so bad.
I won't let you hurt me anymore.
This time Ant, I have put a brave face on.
Now it's time to get rid of that pain and anger inside me. 10.7.2009

I HOPE I WON'T GO BACK TO BEING LIKE I WAS AT THE AGE OF 27 IN 1997.

I am nearly 40 now, I should be a stronger woman now not weak like I was at the age of 27.
I am trying to stop myself from being as bad as I was 13 yrs ago.
I shouldn't have let you get to me, how mad it was me having a breakdown just over you have gone off with another woman.
I mustn't drink heavy like I did then.
We are over for good this time, there will never ever be the next time.
When I feel bad I must write things down poetry instead of breaking down. 
In my body and mind, I must be strong.
I mustn't feel depressed or angry because of you. 10.7.2009

No MAN IS DRIVING ME MAD.

No man is driving me to drink.
No man is driving me to cry, I have run out of tears to cry.
No man is driving me to end my life.
I will get through pain somehow and someway.
Last time you hurt me, I could not see the light at the end of the tunnel then things got better.
Now I believe things will get better again one day I will see a bright light again. 10.7.2010


YOUR TURN WILL COME.

I am so glad to have a great friend in you through good and bad times.
The way I am feeling at the moment, I am not myself.
It would not be fair to put my pain on to you.
I miss you so much but I am glad of the space we apart with the way I am in myself right now. I Need to get myself right again, I have done before, I will do it again.
I will spend as much time as I have writing about how I feel about you. 10.7.2009


JOHN KEATS.

John Keats was the first poet I came across who made me want to write poetry in 1997 at the age of 27.
I don't think I would have got over my break down with learning from John Keats' work, he taught me so much about poetry.
I thought I was alone in the world, I never thought that Keats had been through the same as me.
I read one of his words but I came out with a thousand words, at least it felt like it.
Drinking heavy is not the answer, your problems are still there the next day.
At the time I was very young but not very strong.
I opened the poetry book of John Keats, it was as if he died for me after he had broken down relationships too.
Time is a good healer and writing poetry helps too.
Not that we expect every person to be affected the same to heartache and pain, it would be boring if we were all the same. 10.7.2009


GETTING OLDER.

Getting older is getting wiser.
We should be strong enough to cope with life's ups and downs.
We should cope differently to what we did when we were young.
It's the states of our minds. 10.7.2009

LOOKS ARE NOT EVERYTHING.

Looks are not everything in a person.
We born to be what and who we are.
The way we think as human beings are the main thing.
We all cope with life in different ways but my way is poetry.
We all stuffer angry and depression in different ways, my way is finding it hard to accept pain but poetry is my way of writing it down how I feel inside without breaking down. 10.7.2009

YOUR BACK IN TOWN.

Your back in town, that's alright as long as you look after your Mum more as she's not well.
I don't hate you but I don't love you anymore.
I don't I miss you, we had friends in the end.
If I am honest I am scared that I may fall back in love with you but I don't want to.
You have dropped me down and picked me back up again so many times over the years.
Enough is enough, I can't take no more.
I don't know what I'd say to you now I have not seen you for over a month. 
Who would have thought that we had spent so much time together in fact too much time together, that our love has just died apart? 
I bet you never thought I would leave you like I did, did you?
I never thought I'd walk away from you but it's the best thing I ever did.
You just didn't know or understand how much I really loved you, even though I told you a thousand and one times.
Whether you know and understand now how strong I loved you, it's now far too late, I don't that way about you anymore.
It's only your own fault, you have believed and that I loved, I spend enough time with you for you to know how I felt about you.
I am not a bouncing ball you can throw around and pick up when you feel like it, I'm a human being just like all people.11.7.2009

LOVE AND PAIN.

The feeling of love is hard to control.
It's so hard to stop the pain.
You can try to make things better but it doesn't always work.
Love brings you pain: pain brings happiness.
There must be a point when love runs out when you have suffered so much pain, then love very slowly turns to hate.
I think it's time for me to move on to love someone new but pain needs to go altogether until I can love again. 11.7.2009

IT'S NO GOOD ME THINKING YOU ARE GOING TO CHANGE.

let's start again!
No more chances.
No more pain.
I won't let you hurt me again.
Let's change things this time!
No chance I have heard it all before, promises.
Let's put what went wrong right!
What am I talking about, I have tried so many times with you?
Let's stop hurting one another, we are like a pair of kids on the playground!
Why do we keep on hurting one another and going back to one another?
This has gone on for too many years now, this has got to stop!
I can't believe I fell for you again and again until I thought suddenly a change of thought, I don't love this man anymore. 11.7.2009

YOU USED TO BE MY MAN.

You used to be my man, you used to be the love of my life so I thought.
I don't think you thought I loved you as much.
If you have worked it out now, it's too late my love has run out for you now.
If only I worked out that you did not love me as much as I loved you, I wouldn't have wasted 15 yrs of my life on and off with you.
I know you told me you loved me but not as many times as I told you.
Maybe you didn't believe me but maybe you didn't tell me the truth.
I must move on, you don't stop me from loving again but I will get to know a person first.
I need to get rid of this pain you have given me.
The worse thing was that you said in the end that you didn't know whether you loved me or not, that's why I had enough. 11.7.2009

MOST MEN.

Most men what is it about them?
They pretend to love you but they hurt you again and again.
The dirt on you, then they expect you to love them again.
I can't promise myself I will never get hurt again,I have fallen for it a lot more than once again and again but at least it won't by the same man I have known for 15yrs.
I will have to tell myself no more pain off him.
If I hadn't of been a fool to be in love with you, then I would not have been hurt by you.
Once you feel the love you can't live with or without it.
Sadly love and pain links together. 9.7.2009

VICTIM OF LOVE.

I have been a victim of love.
I have been a victim of men.
How many women haven't been through the same as me, not very many?

Used
Abused,
you name it
I have been there.
Who has not been there?

Men have hard times with woman just like woman have hard times with men.
How much more can we go through?
I don't wish it on anyone, no one is the first or last person to go through it.
The nice part: love pain is horrible.
There again pain makes you become stronger.
We all want someone in our lives who wants and loves us for ourselves.
Nothing stops me from carrying on with life, I fall down and get back up again, I have done so many times before.
Nothing stops me from loving.
I am not the best of women but I am strong.
I do what I can to make the man I am with happy.
I don't want anyone to feel sorry for me but I just want to carry on loving. 11.7.2009

BE IN LOVE WITH POETRY.

Be in love with poetry, that's one love that doesn't run out.
Say what you want a pen, paper, writing, and words don't answer back at least not on the page, it's only your own words.
Let the readers think what they want but give them enjoyment in their reading too.
Your thoughts, feelings and fears only.
Drain any painful feelings out of yourself but also write about the good in life too.
Keep getting to know yourself by writing poetry.
Keep getting to know yourself before you get to know your readers.
Write your private thoughts down but don't have them published unless your readers enjoy your work.
Poetry keeps poets going strong through the good and bad of life.
Poet's ways of dealing with life are poetry. 12.7.2009

GUILTY WRITER.

My mind thinks too fast for me to write or my mind is blank.
Love and pain the only things I write about, animals, home, family education, career, love and so the list go on of the subjects that I write.
How many readers are interested in what I write?
Who knows! Sorry
Please let me know readers on your comments in an email, thank you.
You can write what you like, then I will reply back to you.
I am a dyslexic writer, words may have the right letters but not put in the right places.
My mind can work overtime or not at all. 12.7.2009


LOVE HURTS.

you can't help who you fall in love with.
It's just accepting it if the person doesn't love you.
No matter what feelings of love is hard to control.
No matter how much pain is given, you don't give up until the feeling of love has gone.
Love is there as long as it wants to be. 12.7.2009


IT TOOK YOU SO LONG.

What took you so long to to tell me that you love me when it's too late?
I don't think it has sank in that I have told you that I don't love you anymore.
For years I had always been there for you, in fact a lot of people had told me you weren't right for me but I was right for you, may be they were right in telling me that.
You may love me now but you will stop loving me, like you have a thousands times before, which means you have never loved me at all.
I have learned what you are like, when it comes to changing your mind about your feeling towards me, it was causing me pain and hurt.

Sorry, I can't go back to get myself hurt again, my trust is gone in you.
You should have known what you wanted in the first place.
If you love me why do you keep on finishing with me and going back to me, that's only pretending to love me when you don't.
I must have been blind to think that you loved me. 12.7.2010

1 comment:

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