IT WILL HIT YOU ONE DAY.
Why do you only seem to want me when you have been drinking?
When you are not drunk, you change your mind about the way you feel about me.
You change your mind as many times as you change your soaks.
Don't you understand that I am finding it hard to come to terms, I don't love you to build my hopes up, now I don't build hopes up with anyone:I never say never ever.
you have hurt me enough as it is, you shouldn't make it harder for me by you ringing me when your drunk.
It's no good saying you want me back when you're drunk because you don't feel that way when you're not drunk. 26th July 2009
STOP FIBBING TO YOURSELF AND ME!
I understand you like your drink, don't a lot of us.
Now you need to cut your drinking down as you have a lot to take on at home.
Too much drink makes you do and say the wrong things.
When you drink far too much, your not yourself, your not, your someone else.
You say you want me when your drunk but you don't.
The drink is doing the talking not you.
Yes, I know when it comes to the next day, you have thought about what you said sorry about last night, the next day you have a complete change of mind from the night before.
Just be careful other wises you could be disbelieved when you are telling the truth. 26th July 2009.
PANE TURNS INTO HAPPINESS; HAPPINESS TURNS INTO PAIN.
Despite the feeling as if the whole world is coming to pieces on us, I don't give up on us.
us.
Maybe we can't see one another as much as we would like to, the good thing is that it gives us time to sort our own lives out but I never stop thinking about you.
Having this space gives me time to get rid of the pain I have still got before I met you.
I guess to give you time to get rid of the pain others have you through too.
I am sorry if I have blown it between us.
I should have thought of your feelings too not just about mine.
The time we have without one another seems like a lifetime.
As every hour, minute, second, day, week and even feels like year going yet have only known you just over a year, my love just grows stronger and stronger for you.
Butterflies fly through my tummy like fishes swimming in the sea.
I can't handily eat and sleep without thinking about you non stop. 9.2.2010
yOU NEVER KNOW.
Everything is unknown for everyone.
You could be right as rain one day.
The future seems very bright.
You feel on top of the world.
You can cope with everything and everyone.
You feel fitter, quicker and brighter than ever.
Overnight something bad has happened you, this has affected the rest of your life.
Now you feel worse than ever because you are so unaware of the world around you.
To be sure you don't know what is and is not coming to you.
Suddenly everything and anything is out of you.
It's all gone for life.
You are a changed person.
You've gone from a very unsuccessful person to a most unsuccessful person.
You will be very lucky to be a that successful person again if you are it could take a lot of hard work to get your life back together again.
Make the best of what and who you are in case you may not see tomorrow.
Please try harder to understand people who have not got as much going as you have or they may have to work harder for longer to get there!
The truth of the matter is that you will never understand unless it happens to you.
Everyone has to go through good and bad in life as I write, some worse or any better than others.
Birth, nursery, school, college, friendships, friendships give some happiness but also stresses in life.
People with disabilities and health problems get stress out, ill or and even die easily due to on top of the problems we have already.
There's support for some things for us but not for others.
Without the same right as other people, we will be alone in the world even though we have one another.
We understand that it's hard for other people, we just have to work harder to get there than other people or we don't get there at all. 9.10.2011
Trying too hard.
Too easy to fear the worst in life which doesn't turn out as bad as we think or not bad at all.
The worst isn't always as bad as it seems.
At times the excepted can which could be good when you thought it was bad.
The future is unknown so don't plan, life is mapped out for you.
It's not helpful to worry about something that seems likes everything but then it's nothing at all.
Everyone is to blame at some point for worrying about something we should have done.
To move forward.
To believe in yourself then you can believe in others around you.
Don't lose trust in others because many others have broken your trust.
Like and love yourself then you can like and love others.
Something small seems really big.
The hole needs to be sewed up before it gets too big.
The mole needs to stop growing before it becomes a molehill.
The hardest part is to think positive when you have been thinking negative too long.
We can only think positive if we want.
In many cases in life, there's no such word as can't, the words are won't and want. 26.10.2011
Fear.
When I know I am going to see you, I fear I'm going to blow because I have blown it with the people I used to love.
Every time with you I have surprised myself that I haven't done and said the wrong things when I have been and not drunk.
When I am not with you I fear the worst of myself but then I learn to trust myself, which helps me a lot to trust you.
I love you far too much not to trust you.
I wouldn't lose in you because others before you broke my trust. 26.10.2011
Tomorrow is another day.
Never think good or bad about tomorrow.
You don't know what tomorrow is going to be like until it comes.
Even if the bad is here the good will come another day or bad may turn into good.
Good may happen as soon as tomorrow just wait and see.
Goodwill happen to those who wait.
Nothing can be good all the time.
Nothing can be bad all the time.
Change happens whether we like it not but some things happen for the worst others happen for the better.
Nothing can stay the same but some things do stay the same.
Life would be boring if everything stayed the same yet if everything changed.
It's not good to stay sad all the time, too much pain can damage you.
It's not good stay happy all the time, too much happiness can spoil you too much.
Pain can make you strong.
Too much happiness can make you weak but a lot of happiness can make you stable.
Morning.
The day has just started.
The clouds are white.
The sky is grey.
I find hard to think good or bad thoughts, I just get on with my day.
Nevertheless, I am ok until.
I come back from the Job Centre, I get a letter through my door from Income Support.
Saying I said I am working when I haven't said anything at all.
I am working hard not to let these Benefit people stress me out before I scream and shout.
The only you in my mind keeps me calm.
I'm willing to stay stable and calm despite the fact the problem needs to be looked at soon as possible. 27.1o.2011
Everyone is looking at me.
The bar is crowded.
I try to find a condor.
I try to find a space to wait for the crowd to calm down.
Everyone is looking at me knowing that I fear crowds.
I walk out of the pub, where I go next is unknown.
I come back there are fewer people standing by the bar as I get myself a drink.
Now I take forever to find a seat, in the meantime, people are starling at me knowing that I am stressed.
They are looking at me strangely, then I turn my head away.
In time I smile, they wonder what I am smiling at.
I am thinking that I don't need a reason to make me smile.
Who cares what they think?
So what I am smiling for no reason, mad they might think.
There's no point being sad only because they might be. 27.10.2011
Change.
You cannot avoid change.
One bus has gone but another bus comes.
When is an unknown question?
One love has gone but another love is soon.
When is an unknown question?
Some people or and things are meant to be the same but not everything and everybody.
When is any time?
Today
Tomorrow
The next day
Next week
Next year
Who knows?
Whatever or whoever you are waiting for something or someone may be right for you.
There are at least some things and some people stay put but not all.
Some things you need to work to get what's right for you but some of us never find it or who.
Don't try hard because that will never do, you will never get anywhere.
Try hard enough because you never get anywhere if you don't try at all.
Don't hope too much, you will never get anywhere.
Take every day as it comes, if that isn't good enough nothing ever will be.
Never think you can get all that you want. 27.10.2011
You.
Whatever worries me you ease my mind all the time, whether I see you or not.
Having you on my mind keeps me going when life is tough.
I can accept every in life when I have you on my mind.
I ride my exercise bike even though I am not getting anywhere.
I think about you all the time whether I am down in myself or not, then I start to feel good.
I do everything I can to keep myself strong. 27.10.2011
no more tears to cry.
No more tears to cry but sadness is still here.
It was all so long ago.
Nothing was ever done because it was understood or believed.
Pain is unknown whether I like it not.
Even now no one understands or believes me.
I find it hard to talk about even now.
I may not be crying on the outside but I am crying on the inside.
I am smiling on the outside but feeling pain on the inside.
I used to find it hard to sleep in fear of seeing one of you, a few of you or even more.
Now, none of you bother me at all.
You have all been here far too long to stay.
My mind is just wondering away thoughts.
I find that I am believing in myself at last.
When I have been through this pain so long nothing is new to me.
The thoughts have been inside my head far too long.
The grass is always greener on the other side. 20.11.2011
Just get on with it!
How I get through every day, I don't know.
There must walk around as if nothing has happened.
No one knows what one another is thinking.
I don't shut myself away from the world because life is for living that's what you're born for.
I just get on with life, I have never known anything else.
More than 30 years on since the first one, they have still got away with it just because me been just a child and having learning disabilities.
No good talking about it whatever I say nothing gets done.
The present is here yesterday has gone let's live for today.
Tomorrow is unknown.
Time to move on.
The pain has gone on far too long to hurt me any more.
I was far too young to tell anyone.
Far too young to know what was going on.
Too young to understand.
Too young to be understood.
Even now over 40, my words just can't speak. 20.11.2011
Face truth.
Friendship is best or nothing at all.
If we love again we'll hurt one all over again.
I don't know about you but I am too old to take any more.
We must face the truth, we can't fall out if we aren't lovers.
Remember you broke my heart, I had to go along with what you wanted.
Now it's my turn to walk away but I am never coming back only as a friend.
If you can't take that you'll never see me again.
If only I knew that one day my pain would come back on you, what you caused me.
At the time I felt as if I had no future and my whole world was broken.
I never thought my life would be better without you. How wrong was I to think I could never live without you, I felt so alone?
Now it's far too late for you, I am not going to let you hurt me anymore.
I am not spending the rest of my life wondering whether or not your in or out of my life.
In fact, I don't think you loved me at all, I believe you still don't, you only love me because you know I don't love you anymore.
If I still loved you wouldn't have loved me.
I know we have both been there before.
I had to leave for that mouth because the stress was getting far too much.
Before long I stopped loving bad news for you and good news for me.
I never thought I would have ever stopped loving because I loved you for so long.
One day you will meet someone who you will love ten times more than you loved me.
She won't be able to stand for what I stood for.
If you walk all over her she'd be out your life as a flash for good then you will really know what pain is.
To think I was scared of losing you for good after you hurt me so bad.
Now I realize that I am better off without you or we are better off been just been, friends.
I understand that this year has been taught for you with everything happening all at once but sadly everyone goes through death at some time, you aren't alone.
Moving on is hard I know, you need to make a life for yourself or end up a lonely old man.
You soon moved on when you left me and went out with someone else, didn't you?
I was the one who found it hard to move on but not anymore.
I am having a happier life without you if not better. 21.11.2011
Believe your there somewhere.
I believe whoever you are, you are out there somewhere.
You may not be there yet.
I have had too many bad thoughts in my head to think any more bad thoughts.
Never chase never hope just life day by day.
To dream is to hope too much and end up disappointed.
Let luck and love find us.
Just get on with life! 20.11.2011
Why do you only seem to want me when you have been drinking?
When you are not drunk, you change your mind about the way you feel about me.
You change your mind as many times as you change your soaks.
Don't you understand that I am finding it hard to come to terms, I don't love you to build my hopes up, now I don't build hopes up with anyone:I never say never ever.
you have hurt me enough as it is, you shouldn't make it harder for me by you ringing me when your drunk.
It's no good saying you want me back when you're drunk because you don't feel that way when you're not drunk. 26th July 2009
STOP FIBBING TO YOURSELF AND ME!
I understand you like your drink, don't a lot of us.
Now you need to cut your drinking down as you have a lot to take on at home.
Too much drink makes you do and say the wrong things.
When you drink far too much, your not yourself, your not, your someone else.
You say you want me when your drunk but you don't.
The drink is doing the talking not you.
Yes, I know when it comes to the next day, you have thought about what you said sorry about last night, the next day you have a complete change of mind from the night before.
Just be careful other wises you could be disbelieved when you are telling the truth. 26th July 2009.
PANE TURNS INTO HAPPINESS; HAPPINESS TURNS INTO PAIN.
Despite the feeling as if the whole world is coming to pieces on us, I don't give up on us.
us.
Maybe we can't see one another as much as we would like to, the good thing is that it gives us time to sort our own lives out but I never stop thinking about you.
Having this space gives me time to get rid of the pain I have still got before I met you.
I guess to give you time to get rid of the pain others have you through too.
I am sorry if I have blown it between us.
I should have thought of your feelings too not just about mine.
The time we have without one another seems like a lifetime.
As every hour, minute, second, day, week and even feels like year going yet have only known you just over a year, my love just grows stronger and stronger for you.
Butterflies fly through my tummy like fishes swimming in the sea.
I can't handily eat and sleep without thinking about you non stop. 9.2.2010
yOU NEVER KNOW.
Everything is unknown for everyone.
You could be right as rain one day.
The future seems very bright.
You feel on top of the world.
You can cope with everything and everyone.
You feel fitter, quicker and brighter than ever.
Overnight something bad has happened you, this has affected the rest of your life.
Now you feel worse than ever because you are so unaware of the world around you.
To be sure you don't know what is and is not coming to you.
Suddenly everything and anything is out of you.
It's all gone for life.
You are a changed person.
You've gone from a very unsuccessful person to a most unsuccessful person.
You will be very lucky to be a that successful person again if you are it could take a lot of hard work to get your life back together again.
Make the best of what and who you are in case you may not see tomorrow.
Please try harder to understand people who have not got as much going as you have or they may have to work harder for longer to get there!
The truth of the matter is that you will never understand unless it happens to you.
Everyone has to go through good and bad in life as I write, some worse or any better than others.
Birth, nursery, school, college, friendships, friendships give some happiness but also stresses in life.
People with disabilities and health problems get stress out, ill or and even die easily due to on top of the problems we have already.
There's support for some things for us but not for others.
Without the same right as other people, we will be alone in the world even though we have one another.
We understand that it's hard for other people, we just have to work harder to get there than other people or we don't get there at all. 9.10.2011
Trying too hard.
Too easy to fear the worst in life which doesn't turn out as bad as we think or not bad at all.
The worst isn't always as bad as it seems.
At times the excepted can which could be good when you thought it was bad.
The future is unknown so don't plan, life is mapped out for you.
It's not helpful to worry about something that seems likes everything but then it's nothing at all.
Everyone is to blame at some point for worrying about something we should have done.
To move forward.
To believe in yourself then you can believe in others around you.
Don't lose trust in others because many others have broken your trust.
Like and love yourself then you can like and love others.
Something small seems really big.
The hole needs to be sewed up before it gets too big.
The mole needs to stop growing before it becomes a molehill.
The hardest part is to think positive when you have been thinking negative too long.
We can only think positive if we want.
In many cases in life, there's no such word as can't, the words are won't and want. 26.10.2011
Fear.
When I know I am going to see you, I fear I'm going to blow because I have blown it with the people I used to love.
Every time with you I have surprised myself that I haven't done and said the wrong things when I have been and not drunk.
When I am not with you I fear the worst of myself but then I learn to trust myself, which helps me a lot to trust you.
I love you far too much not to trust you.
I wouldn't lose in you because others before you broke my trust. 26.10.2011
Tomorrow is another day.
Never think good or bad about tomorrow.
You don't know what tomorrow is going to be like until it comes.
Even if the bad is here the good will come another day or bad may turn into good.
Good may happen as soon as tomorrow just wait and see.
Goodwill happen to those who wait.
Nothing can be good all the time.
Nothing can be bad all the time.
Change happens whether we like it not but some things happen for the worst others happen for the better.
Nothing can stay the same but some things do stay the same.
Life would be boring if everything stayed the same yet if everything changed.
It's not good to stay sad all the time, too much pain can damage you.
It's not good stay happy all the time, too much happiness can spoil you too much.
Pain can make you strong.
Too much happiness can make you weak but a lot of happiness can make you stable.
Morning.
The day has just started.
The clouds are white.
The sky is grey.
I find hard to think good or bad thoughts, I just get on with my day.
Nevertheless, I am ok until.
I come back from the Job Centre, I get a letter through my door from Income Support.
Saying I said I am working when I haven't said anything at all.
I am working hard not to let these Benefit people stress me out before I scream and shout.
The only you in my mind keeps me calm.
I'm willing to stay stable and calm despite the fact the problem needs to be looked at soon as possible. 27.1o.2011
Everyone is looking at me.
The bar is crowded.
I try to find a condor.
I try to find a space to wait for the crowd to calm down.
Everyone is looking at me knowing that I fear crowds.
I walk out of the pub, where I go next is unknown.
I come back there are fewer people standing by the bar as I get myself a drink.
Now I take forever to find a seat, in the meantime, people are starling at me knowing that I am stressed.
They are looking at me strangely, then I turn my head away.
In time I smile, they wonder what I am smiling at.
I am thinking that I don't need a reason to make me smile.
Who cares what they think?
So what I am smiling for no reason, mad they might think.
There's no point being sad only because they might be. 27.10.2011
Change.
You cannot avoid change.
One bus has gone but another bus comes.
When is an unknown question?
One love has gone but another love is soon.
When is an unknown question?
Some people or and things are meant to be the same but not everything and everybody.
When is any time?
Today
Tomorrow
The next day
Next week
Next year
Who knows?
Whatever or whoever you are waiting for something or someone may be right for you.
There are at least some things and some people stay put but not all.
Some things you need to work to get what's right for you but some of us never find it or who.
Don't try hard because that will never do, you will never get anywhere.
Try hard enough because you never get anywhere if you don't try at all.
Don't hope too much, you will never get anywhere.
Take every day as it comes, if that isn't good enough nothing ever will be.
Never think you can get all that you want. 27.10.2011
You.
Whatever worries me you ease my mind all the time, whether I see you or not.
Having you on my mind keeps me going when life is tough.
I can accept every in life when I have you on my mind.
I ride my exercise bike even though I am not getting anywhere.
I think about you all the time whether I am down in myself or not, then I start to feel good.
I do everything I can to keep myself strong. 27.10.2011
no more tears to cry.
No more tears to cry but sadness is still here.
It was all so long ago.
Nothing was ever done because it was understood or believed.
Pain is unknown whether I like it not.
Even now no one understands or believes me.
I find it hard to talk about even now.
I may not be crying on the outside but I am crying on the inside.
I am smiling on the outside but feeling pain on the inside.
I used to find it hard to sleep in fear of seeing one of you, a few of you or even more.
Now, none of you bother me at all.
You have all been here far too long to stay.
My mind is just wondering away thoughts.
I find that I am believing in myself at last.
When I have been through this pain so long nothing is new to me.
The thoughts have been inside my head far too long.
The grass is always greener on the other side. 20.11.2011
Just get on with it!
How I get through every day, I don't know.
There must walk around as if nothing has happened.
No one knows what one another is thinking.
I don't shut myself away from the world because life is for living that's what you're born for.
I just get on with life, I have never known anything else.
More than 30 years on since the first one, they have still got away with it just because me been just a child and having learning disabilities.
No good talking about it whatever I say nothing gets done.
The present is here yesterday has gone let's live for today.
Tomorrow is unknown.
Time to move on.
The pain has gone on far too long to hurt me any more.
I was far too young to tell anyone.
Far too young to know what was going on.
Too young to understand.
Too young to be understood.
Even now over 40, my words just can't speak. 20.11.2011
Face truth.
Friendship is best or nothing at all.
If we love again we'll hurt one all over again.
I don't know about you but I am too old to take any more.
We must face the truth, we can't fall out if we aren't lovers.
Remember you broke my heart, I had to go along with what you wanted.
Now it's my turn to walk away but I am never coming back only as a friend.
If you can't take that you'll never see me again.
If only I knew that one day my pain would come back on you, what you caused me.
At the time I felt as if I had no future and my whole world was broken.
I never thought my life would be better without you. How wrong was I to think I could never live without you, I felt so alone?
Now it's far too late for you, I am not going to let you hurt me anymore.
I am not spending the rest of my life wondering whether or not your in or out of my life.
In fact, I don't think you loved me at all, I believe you still don't, you only love me because you know I don't love you anymore.
If I still loved you wouldn't have loved me.
I know we have both been there before.
I had to leave for that mouth because the stress was getting far too much.
Before long I stopped loving bad news for you and good news for me.
I never thought I would have ever stopped loving because I loved you for so long.
One day you will meet someone who you will love ten times more than you loved me.
She won't be able to stand for what I stood for.
If you walk all over her she'd be out your life as a flash for good then you will really know what pain is.
To think I was scared of losing you for good after you hurt me so bad.
Now I realize that I am better off without you or we are better off been just been, friends.
I understand that this year has been taught for you with everything happening all at once but sadly everyone goes through death at some time, you aren't alone.
Moving on is hard I know, you need to make a life for yourself or end up a lonely old man.
You soon moved on when you left me and went out with someone else, didn't you?
I was the one who found it hard to move on but not anymore.
I am having a happier life without you if not better. 21.11.2011
Believe your there somewhere.
I believe whoever you are, you are out there somewhere.
You may not be there yet.
I have had too many bad thoughts in my head to think any more bad thoughts.
Never chase never hope just life day by day.
To dream is to hope too much and end up disappointed.
Let luck and love find us.
Just get on with life! 20.11.2011
1 comment:
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