Yesterday I was writing about Personality disorders rather briefly in the last post. From what I am aware of I have not experienced anyone with a personality disorder other than, although I didn't realize at the time when I was in his life. I cannot say for sure and in case I am wrong I not going to say who but an ex-boyfriend maybe having been facing Schizoid Personality disorder.
Really truely speaking it is a part of my life I would rather forget but understandably you may be thinking, okay why are you writing about this then. Yes very good point, but I don't want to end this post to make you think I didn't face any positivity so you may be thinking why did you get involved in the first place? He did appeared to have a good sense of humor fun to be with and it all seemed back then, bearing in mind we were very young at the time and we were on and off for 13 and a half years but when it had finished for good I couldn't help but think possibly on the positive side of him I was living a lie.
Although at the time of being his life, if he had have been honest and said I don't feel the same as you do about me, yes that would have been disappointing for me for quite a while but at least one day I would have realized he would be honest and I wouldn't have had the stresses, etc, I faced but never mind what's done is done, even though all the same the first break up, and I think he may have been seeing someone else causing the second break - up as well. I faced a mental breakdown over the first break - up, due despite struggling to get on with people he still managed to leave me for someone else and he had relationships before me, even he told me once when one woman left him he self - harmed himself.
I must have faced at least six or more loads of counseling and therapy to a point, I said to one counselor a year or two after I left his life together. I have left him but he and all that happened is still in my head, why and I have tried and tried to shut it out? She said by the sounds of what you have told me, you have been facing Mental abuse.
The reason why I think this is the sign of the behavior in the disorder is very similar to the way he used to behave. He had no remorse or considerations for my emotions or anyones' really, it was like he had no empathy. He would be very cold and not open up with the way he was feeling, he never knows whether he wanted to be in the relationship or not, he would play mind games. Like he didn't care about not only how I was feeling but how others were too.
I never understood at the time, to be honest, he very much wanted to be alone a lot. It seemed as if he never would admit things to himself, mainly if it appeared to be his fault and hurting others around him, which makes me think he would struggle to accept the possibility that he may have been facing the Schizoid, which is there for life if it is the case, not that changes anything in my life now if it's the case because I have moved on in my life but the signs of Schizoid is so similar to how he behaved. https://www.rethink.org/advice-and-information/about-mental-illness/learn-more-about-conditions/personality-disorders/ https://www.webmd.com/mental-health/schizotypal-personality-disorder https://www.psycom.net/schizotypal-personality-disorder
I think despite their struggle with getting on with others, without excusing the behaviors, they may even try to socialize even probley, not much works for them. Not sticking up my ex but he loved going out to the pubs etc but to what I was aware people we knew, which I am grateful for tried to stick up for me because saw more so the way he was treating me than I did. When I think about it now he bought out his positives to everyone including me to cover his negatives and try to stop others going on at him as much as possible.
According to Mind, they have patterns of behaviors and ways of thinking making life hard for others around them and even themselves. They find close relationships hard. They may think and express their ways hard for others to understand, they can tend to think that others can read, they may feel anxious, Paranoid in social situations and finding it hard to relate to others. https://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/types-of-mental-health-problems/personality-disorders/types-of-personality-disorder/
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